May the Circle Be Unbroken

Chapter Twenty-One

“Ma’am, we cannot purchase this.” Said the tall, skinny Arabic man behind the counter.

“Why not; ain’t this a pawn shop?” asked Bernadette

“We do not purchase firearms as a matter of safety.”

“The fuck; when did y’all start doing that?”

“It has always been our policy. Gangbangers sell gun_____”

“I ain’t no Goddamn gangbanger!” she huffed

“Ma’am, please do not swear again.”

“I’m leaving,” Said Bernadette, “Find me a pawn shop ran by some Americans with sense.”

She slammed the door on her way out.

“Why did you lie to that woman?” asked the younger employee taking a moment away from his task of pricing abandoned items to sell.

“I do not know where that crackhead got that gun from. I don’t want any part of it.”

“Too bad, that was a nice-looking Barretta. You could have definitely resold it, because you know the crackheads never come back to repurchase their shit.”

 

 

 

“That is me, your Aunt Viviane, and your Aunt Bernadette.” Said Fendi pointing to the picture of her and her sisters taken during their Sister, Gloria’s wedding.

“You all looked so pretty,” Said BJ, “I wish Aunt Bernadette still looked like that.”

“I do too.” Said Fendi misty eyed. In spite of her best efforts, Fendi had to tell her sister to leave her home, because Fendi caught Bernadette using right in the guest room that she had allowed her to stay in. “She is going through a rough patch but one day she’s going to pull it together.”

“I hope so. I really love Aunt Bernadette. I miss her reading to me.”

“You know what,” said Fendi flipping through the photo album, “Let me show you some pictures of your daddy when he was a little boy. Oh, I haven’t seen these pictures in years, said Fendi turning to a page collaged with photos of Breon from toddler age to middle school.

“Wow, you kept Daddy dressed nice. Except in this picture,” Said Breon pointing to the lone picture on the opposite page. “Was he dressed for tacky day at school?”

Fendi could not remember the picture. She had always made certain that her son wore name brand and pristine clean clothing. His hair was always braided in cornrows, or his curls were well conditioned, and he always had an edge up. Fendi would not have stood for members of her family thinking that she could not provide the best for her son with his father gone.

She looked again at the picture of the child with wild spiral curls, no edge up, wearing a cheap faded short set and dollar store shoes with no socks and a memory she had buried for twenty-one years came rushing back to her …

 

“Excuse me,” Said the light brown, obese, young woman who plopped down in the seat next to Fendi in the clinic, “I do not mean to be nosy, but is Amad Caraway your little boy’s father?”

            “Hold on” said Fendi, “Breon, do not scatter toys all over this waiting room, pick one thing then come on over here and sit down.”  Fendi’s four-year old son selected a puzzle from the toy box, then obediently sat two seats down from his mother. Satisfied her son was still and occupied, Fendi returned her attention to the stranger who removed the last thing she needed, a pack of sugar wafers, from her handbag and began munching, “Yes, he is; why do you ask?”

            “Cause he looks just like my nephew, Montez. Amad is Montez’s father too. Montez, stand up so the nice lady can see you.”

            Fendi was shocked. The woman was so round and fat that Fendi had not noticed that a child was seated on the opposite side of her. The little boy looked like a rough-cut version of her son, Breon.

            “Can I have a cookie aunt Cara?” asked the child not at all interested in whatever his aunt was discussing with the stranger.

            “Here!” she said begrudgingly handing him a wafer she had already bitten off of, “I swear I can’t have nothing for you.”

            “He is definitely Amad’s.” admitted Fendi “Is Amad in his life?”

            “Never laid eyes on him. I told Toya that old ass man wasn’t going to marry her, but she was 19 and so in love.”

            “Was; has she passed away?”

            “No, but might as well be. She went crazy after she gave birth and her Prince Charming, Amad, never even came to see her again. That is her stupidity though. Mama and Daddy paid for her to go to college, she chose to be hot in the tail, drop out at 19 and get knocked up by an old ass nigga that anybody with half a brain knew he was only after her because she was young, dumb, and easy to fuck. I bet he takes good care of your boy because you don’t look like you play.”

            “No, I take care of my child on my own. Amad has not been in his life since he was an infant.”

            “Trifling mother fucker. Two beautiful kids around the same age and he ain’t even trying to step up.”

            “How old is your nephew?”

            “He is four.”

            “So is Breon. Lord have mercy.”

            “They could really pass for twins; I mean if I could afford to dress Montez and keep his hair fixed the way that you do your son.”

            “So, you have custody of him?”

            “I have guardianship, and to be honest, I am about to just let the system have him. I am 30 years old, don’t have no kids, and do not want to be tied down to one.”

            “What about your parents?”

            “They don’t want him anywhere around. They think he is bad luck since his Daddy don’t want him and his Mama went crazy after having him.”

            “Oh my.”

            “You seem like a nice woman who has her shit together___”

            “I wish I could,” said Fendi, “But my one is a handful trying to do it myself, I cannot take care of two.”

            “I understand.” She shrugged taking a one-liter Pepsi out of her bag and drinking directly from the bottle.

            Montez reached for the bottle and was smacked by Cara. Breon looked up from his puzzle at the crying little boy, felt secondhand embarrassment for him and returned his eyes to the already assembled pieces.

            “Dumb ass like to made me drop it!” scolded Cara who rummaged through her bag.

            “Here.” She said handing Fendi a wallet size photograph of Montez “His preschool picture.”

            Fendi almost wanted to cry over how unkempt the child looked in the picture. The nurse called She and Breon’s name.

            “Good to meet you.” Said Fendi putting the picture in her purse “Breon come on, baby it’s your turn.”

 

“No baby, that is not your father.” Said Fendi

“Stop playing, Grandma, it looks just like him. If it isn’t Daddy, then who is it?”

“I do not know, Baby,” Said Fendi hugging herself, “I do not know.” The most uncomfortable chill penetrated her body.

           

           

           

“Damn, they’re still at it.” Said Breon when we returned to the house and heard the loud moans over the shower running in the guest bathroom.

“Let’s join them.” I smiled as I removed my clothes

“Shit, I can use one more nut before I head home.” He said as he took off his clothes.

“Drop the soap niggas!” I yelled, as me and Breon barged in on Chris and Jabari who were kissing and stroking each other’s hard dicks in the shower.

“Hell yeah, the more the merrier,” Said Jabari “Shit, we’re just getting started.”

“I’ll let y’all have it.” Said Chris “I’ma get dressed and dip.”

“No, you’re not,” I said grasping his arm

“Let me go, Quamie.” He said but I could tell he was weakening.

I kissed Chris, pushing him up against the shower wall. As soon as I had him aroused again, I made Breon and Chris kiss each other.

“Suck his dick.” I whispered in Breon’s ear. I could tell Breon was not too thrilled with my request, but he got down on knees and took Chris in his mouth.

“Yo, Quamie, can I get some head action?” asked Jabari

I got on my knees to treat Quamie, for the second time that day to some bomb ass Quamie head.

And just like that, peace and harmony had been restored. That shit was hella short lived.

Chapter Twenty-Two

            Jayson heard the multiple moans and expletives coming from the guest bathroom and felt disgusted.

“Let me hurry up and get my shit and get the hell away from here.” He said as he went to the guest room to retrieve his belongings. Jayson did not know how much of what Taheim had whispered to him was true, given his mental state, but it was just one more thing that made Jayson want to get far away from his cousins and the whole Circle of Amor bullshit.

We all exited the bathroom wearing nothing but towels and looks of utter satisfaction on our faces.

“What a way to put a cap on things.” Said Chris “I’ma get dressed and head home to chill with the kiddies and Mrs.”

“Do you even hear how that shit sounds?” Asked Jayson coming from the guest room with his bags in his hands and a mean ass look of disgust on his face.

“Yo, Jayson, where have you been?” Asked Jabari

“Somewhere not doing the trifling shit you niggas been doing. We have two younger cousins who are in mental and emotional trouble, one just recently lost his father, but y’all don’t care because you’re not fucking either one of them.”

“Jayson, where is all of this coming from?” I asked

“It’s coming from the fact that Jaleek was on the verge of crashing out because he found Jerod’s old PC where he had multiple videos of himself fucking us when we were kids.”

“We were not kids,” Protested Chris

“We were not supposed to have been fucking a grown ass married man who happened to be our first cousin.”

“Wait, what; what videos, have you seen them?” I asked

“Yeah, I have the PC, it is in my car. I got so sidetracked by my visit with Taheim that I forgot all about the fucken computer, but I will never forget what is on it.”

“We need to just destroy it,” Said Jabari

“Yeah we need to get rid of it before someone else sees it and gets the wrong idea about Jerod.” Said Chris

“What the fuck is the right idea to get? Man, we looked like fucken babies: no facial hair, no physique, pitchy ass voices. We were children!” Tears pooled in Jayson’s eyes

“You need to chill the fuck out.” Said Chris, “He did not do a damn thing to us that we did not want him to do!”

“That’s a Goddamn lie!” raged Jayson “Isn’t that right, Breon?”

“Man, please leave me out of this, I am going to go get dressed and head on home.” Breon started up the stairs

“Tell them the truth! Tell them why the fuck you really ran away. Tell them What Jerod did to you when you were 15. Tell why you became withdrawn for nearly two years, then ran away from home a few months after Jerod died. You couldn’t take it anymore! He raped you! You begged him, you cried, you kept telling him that you didn’t want to be gay and he didn’t stop because he didn’t give a shit about anything other than getting his rocks off. He raped you!”

“Oh my God! Cried Jabari “I didn’t know, I didn’t know! It’s all my fault! I didn’t know Jerod raped him. He never told me that. I would have never____”

“Jabari!” Yelled Breon snatching Jabari from the jaws of a nervous breakdown and definitely saying more than he should have. “I never told anybody. I wanted to forget it. I love you Jayson, but that shit wasn’t cool. That was my business to tell. I need to go.”   Breon hurried upstairs

“That was fucked up,” said Chris, “Your ass did all that studying in psychotherapy, and you did not know better than to do some shit like that?”

“I am sorry,” Said Jayson, “But maybe it needed to be said, maybe we all need to come to terms with the uncomfortable truth, Jerod ____”

“Don’t fucken say no more fucked up shit about Jerod!” Warned Chris

“He was an incestuous pedophile, Chris, and the sooner we come to terms with it, the faster we are going to heal!”

Chris cocked back and knocked the hell out of Jayson. I saw the damn stars spinning around Jayson’s head. To my surprise, and Chris’s, Jayson went on his ass throwing punches.

Me and Jabari managed to separate the two of them.

“Let me go!” Chris bucked against me to get free,” Let me finish kicking his faggot ass!”

“When the fuck did you start kicking my ass, you DL bussy bitch?”

“Both of you stop this shit!” I ordered

“I don’t mean to have any trouble in your house, Quamie, but he is not going to keep on throwing shit on Jerod’s name.”

“Oh my God, this nigga is stupid!” Jayson ran his hand through his braids in frustration. “I swear if this were slavery days, massa would wind up buck breaking his ignorant ass.”

Chris blazed past me. His first crashed into the side of Jayson’s head, sending him crashing down and banging the back of his head on the bottom stair step.

“Oh shit!”  Me, Chris, and Jabari yelled simultaneously helping Jayson to his feet.

“I did not mean that.” Said Chris, tears pouring down his face, “Jayson, are you alright?”

“My head, My hea___” Jayson’s eyes rolled to the back of his head. His body shook violently before he collapsed still on the floor.

“What the fuck?” Asked a fully clothed Breon coming down the stairs

“Oh God; not again!” cried Jabari

 

 

 

 

“He has a faint pulse,” said Breon, “Call the rescue squad.”

“I did not mean to do it,” Cried Chris, “We were fighting ___”

“Nah, mother fucker, the fight was over, you snuck him!” said Jabari

“I didn’t mean to hurt him though_”

“Goddamn it, call the rescue squad!” screamed Breon snapping me out of the trance I had been frozen in. “And y’all niggas get the fuck dressed, how is it gonna look, the three of you like this?”

“I am going to go call.” I said rushing upstairs with my phone, ready to just get the hell away from the scene in my foyer. As I informed the 911 dispatcher of my address and the emergency, I put on a pair of briefs, some socks, and my navy-blue Ralph Lauren sweat suit.

When I made it back downstairs, Jabari, who had put some clothes on as well, and Breon, were both knelt on opposite sides of Jayson’s prone unconscious body. Chris, still clad in only a towel paced back and forth.

“I called your Dad,” Breon informed me, “He should be here in a few minutes.”

“That’s good, the rescue squad is on the way.”

“That’s not good!” Raged Chris, “Unc is gonna kill me, I’ve got to get out of here!”

“Chris!” I said seizing him just as he was about to bolt out the front door in the cold ass November night air with nothing on but a loosely tied towel “Get a hold of yourself. You need to go and put some clothes on.”

“I don’t even have to ask who the fucken culprit is,” Said Dad entering without bothering to knock.

“Unc, I did not mean it, I swear to God.” Chris sounded like a child afraid of an abusive parent.

Daddy slapped him so hard all of us jumped with fear

“Go put some mother fucken clothes on!” Dad ordered

Chris rushed from the room to do as he was told.

“Dad, Chris didn’t mean it,” I tried to explain, “Chris and Jayson got into a fight and things got out of hand.”

My father had not slapped me since I was sixteen. I was more shocked than hurt by his smack across my face.

“You stupid mother fucker; how much shit are you going to let him drag you into?”

Dad did not even bother to wait for an answer. He turned his attention to the men on the floor.

“Is he alive?”

“He has a pulse,” said Breon “He’s just knocked out.”

“He hit his head on the stair step.” Said Jabari

“Jabari,” Said Dad, “You are an Aggie; right?”

“Yes Sir.” Answered Jabari

“In the future, I am going to need you, and Jayson if he comes out of this thing alright, to remember that it is beneath a St. Augustine graduate and proud Omega Psi Phi brothers to fraternize with reprobate trash. I do not expect my son nor Breon to know any better because they are not Aggies and they’re damn sure not Omega Psi Phi. Now go out on the porch and wait for the ambulance.”

“Yes Sir.” Said Jabari unable to look at either me or Breon after Dad’s unnecessary insult of both of us.

“You, stupid mother fucker,” Dad said to Chris who had returned “You and your cousin were rough housing, which turned into boxing, and you accidentally hit him too hard and he fell and hit his head on the stair-step.”

“Yes Unc.” Said Chris too ashamed to hold his head up and look at anyone.

“Let this be the last, and I mean the very last time I have to come and clean up a mess for you depraved faggots.”  Said Dad as the lights from the rescue squad turning into the driveway flashed through the window curtains.

 

 

 

Chapter Twenty-Three

            Breon, with our blessing, chose to go home rather than go with us to the hospital.

“Man, I am hungry,” Breon said as he planted a kiss on Fendi’s cheek. Fendi, who had been wiping down the counters, felt her body tense up. “What did you cook for dinner Ma?”

“I fried me and BJ some whiting, but_____”

“Are there any left?”

“There are three in the microwave, but__”

“I’ma have them, if you don’t mind.” He said hitting the reheat button

“I don’t mind Breon,” Said Fendi, her stomach was in knots. Breon took three slices of bread from the bread box and placed them on the plate with the three large pieces of fish.

“Man, what’s good in here to drink?” he asked rummaging through the refrigerator. He took out not one, but two cans of Motts Apple Juice.

Fendi had to sit down. She felt as if her legs were going to give out from under her.

“Breon you are allergic to fish and apple juice gives you explosive diarrhea!” Yelled Fendi after he had taken a huge bite of one of the fish and damn near emptied one of the cans of juice in one swig.

“I guess I grew out of it,” Lied Breon “There were times when I was away that I had to eat from dumpsters, my body just got used to eating and drinking whatever.”

“I guess that is possible.” Said Fendi wanting desperately to believe him.

As she watched him devour the fish and wash it down with apple juice, Fendi could not help but wonder if there had actually been truth in the words Cooley confessed to his mother on his deathbed.

“That was good,” He said getting up from the table, putting the scraps and empty juice cans in the garbage, and rinsing his plate in the sink, “Sorry I scarfed everything down like a savage, but I haven’t eaten since last night. Did BJ do his homework?”

“Yes. If you don’t mind, could you please put the trash out before you go to work in the morning.”

“You know what,” He said, “Let me take care of that right now.” 

“Lord, give me strength.” Fendi silently prayed as her son stepped outside to put the trash bag in the bin.

“There,” He said returning. He put a fresh bag in the can. “Me or BJ one will put the bin out to the curve in the morning. I’m going to get a shower and go to sleep, it has been a long day. Good night Mama.” He kissed Fendi on the cheek

Breon was half-way out of the kitchen when Fendi said, “Thank you, and you have a good night’s sleep, Montez.”

He froze. Fendi was hoping that there would be a puzzled look on his face when he turned around, or at the very least, he would ask her who the hell was she calling him. Instead, he looked like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Where the hell is my son?” She asked

“I swear to God, I do not know.”

 

 

 

Chapter Twenty-Three

Man, I wish I had taken a cue from Breon and not bothered to bring my ass to the hospital, but that would have been trifling given the fact that Jayson was injured in my home. The good thing was that Jayson regained consciousness on the way to the hospital and was alert and able to talk when he was taken in.

Me, Jabari, and Chris sat in the waiting room with our heads down looking and feeling like the children we had been reduced to thanks to Jabari’s Mama, Aunt Farrah, Chris’s mama, Aunt Claire, Jayson’s mama, Aunt Lucy, and my mother fucken Dad questioning us as if we were all still in elementary school.

“I am not mad at you Chris,” said Aunt Lucy in that syrupy sweet ass tone of hers, “I just don’t understand why you were beating on Jayon when you are older than him. And Jabari and Quamie, why did y’all let it happen?”

“They were boxing,” I said, saving the other two from having to lie, “Nobody was trying to hurt anybody.”

“I know that is right,” said Aunt Claire, “Lucy, you’re making it sound like my child just attacked your child.”

“And our children just stood there and let him.” Said Aunt Farrah “You sound as if you think your son is special and the three of them have something against him.”

“That is not what I said at all,” Said Aunt Lucy, “I was just asking why my baby wound up in the hospital. Lord let me be quiet.”

“Please be.” Said Aunt Claire rolling her eyes

“Now wait a minute, that’s just mean. My boy is in the hospital and y’all are acting as if you do not care and your children don’t have some blame in it.”

“Goddamn it!” roared Dad. The receptionist who had been doing a piss poor job of hiding the fact that she was listening in on our family fuckery abandoned any attempt at being discreet, we had her full attention. “They are not children; they are grown ass men. The reason they do stupid shit like this is because you women, my wife included, baby the shit out of them!”

“I am sorry, Deandre, but why don’t you ask Quamie why he allowed them to be roughhousing in the first place?” asked Aunt Lucy

“Because they are fucken men! I don’t need to ask that. Grown men, believe it or not, when they get together, do crazy shit, like wrestling and slap boxing.”

“I am going home,” I announced “Y’all tell Jayson I will come visit him tomorrow.”

“Can I catch a ride with you?” asked Jabari

“Yeah,” I said, “Chris, go home,” I placed my hand on his shoulder “Get you some sleep, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

He remained seated with his head held down

“You think he is going to be alright?” asked Jabari once we were out in the parking lot.

“I hope so. Thank God Jayson only wound up with a concussion.”

“Quamie,” asked Jabari fastening his seatbelt, “How do you feel knowing that Jerod videotaped us? I cannot lie; I feel a sense of betrayal. That’s all I kept thinking about there in the waiting room.”

“To be honest, I don’t know how I feel, because I haven’t even thought about it yet.”

“You heard what Jayson said Jerod did to Breon? I hope he was exaggerating, because if that is true then I really am a piece of shit,”

“Don’t do that, Jabari.”

“We were close. He was my best friend, and I didn’t even realize that something awful happened to him.” Cried Jabari “I tried to force him into a group started by his dead rapist and then I ratted him out when he confided in me how he felt about Jerod, and he wound up dead.”

“Will you please shut the fuck up!” I raged, “I’m sorry for yelling at you, but we cannot keep dwelling on the past and shit that we cannot undo. You are going to spend the night, it’s late and you do not need to get on the road in the condition you’re in.”

“Thanks.” Said Jabari staring blankly out of the passenger’s side window.

 

 

 

 

 

“I do not know where your son is, or what happened to him.” Admitted Montez sitting across from Fendi “I was never told that. I was convinced that pretending to be my half-brother would be beneficial for everyone.”

“Who the hell put you up to this?”

“I never meant to cause you any harm,” he said avoiding the question, “I thought that you having your son, and BJ having a father, and Takeisha having a man and me finally having a family was good for everybody.”

“But you are not my son, and you are not that child’s father and poor Takeisha, she died thinking that you were Breon.”

Montez thought it was for the best not to divulge that Takeisha had found out that he was not Breon.

“This is so fucked up; what the hell kind of psycho are you?”

“I never did anything to hurt any of you.”

“You fucken lied! You allowed me to believe that I was wrong. You allowed whoever was responsible for what happened to my son to escape justice and by God, in five years, what evidence is even left?”

“But you do not know for sure that he is dead.”

“He is fucken dead! The son I raised would not have abandoned his child and he would not have abandoned me.” Cried Fendi

Montez wanted desperately to hug the woman that he had grown to love like a mother.

“I am so sorry,” He said, “I never thought of the things you mentioned. I just thought I was helping____”

“Please stop saying that stupid shit. You lied to and manipulated not only me, but my whole family.”

“Ma, I mean, Miss Fendi, I swear to you, when I was approached to do this, all I was told was that it would benefit everybody. And yeah, I was a stupid 19-year-old kid who didn’t have anything and anyone and jumped at the chance of being a part of a functional family. I know this doesn’t mean anything to you now, but I love you and BJ with all of my heart, and I loved Takeisha.”

“Please leave my home.” She said

“Let me call and see if Quamie will let me crash with him. Can I please take BJ to school in the morning until we figure out what to tell him?”

“Fine,” she yielded, “I don’t believe you would ever harm him. I do believe that you love him and me.”

“I do.”

“Show it, by finding out what really happened to my son, your brother.”

“I promise.” He said getting up from the table to gather his overnight bag.

 

 

 

Chris had finished three forty-ounce bottles of Coors before he pulled out of the parking lot of the Duck Through convenience store. He loathed himself for what he had done to Jayson.

Not caring, he opened one of the two remaining bottles and drank from it. He was swerving like hell. Cars honked as he narrowly avoided causing an accident.

“Oh Goddamn.” Said Chris when he saw the lights and heard the sirens behind him. He crudely pulled over to the side of the road.

“Sir, I need you to exit the vehicle.” Said the young officer

Chris turned the bottle up to his head and drank the remainder of its contents.

 

 

“I don’t know how she figured it out.” Said Montez helping me put clean sheets on my bed.

 After the wild ass past couple of days, I realized the whole house probably needed to be sanitized before I brought my children back there. Thank God my parents were always willing to let Quamie and Quame stay with them, though I really needed to stop spending so many days away from my children.

“What did she say?” I asked confused

“She called me by my real name out of the blue, I was so taken aback, I didn’t know what to do. She obviously knows that Breon is dead now. She wants me to find out what happened.”

“So, now I have to go back to not trusting you.”

“No, you do not. Look, I need to tell you something. I lied to you guys about how I found out about Breon going missing and why I chose to assume his identity.”

“Breon, I mean Montez, if you are trying to trick me into_____”

“I am not stupid. I figured out five years ago that Breon was dead and Chris most likely was the one who did it. I haven’t told in all of these years, and I am not about to tell now, especially when that means possibly losing what we have.”

“What do we have?”

“Don’t do that Quamie. I love you so much, that I fucked a group of other niggas who basically hate my guts just for you. I know how to fix this, but I am going to have to tell you something you might not be ready to hear.”

“Tell me.” I sighed

“Your father is the one who found me. He is the one who convinced me to pretend to be Breon. I was homeless, I had no family… He never told me that Breon was dead, I figured that out on my own, but I am sure that he knows. And I want everything out in the open, I have slept with your father.”

“Mother fucker, what?!”  My head was spinning. I had to sit down. I sat on the side of the bed and massaged my throbbing ass temples. “You fucked my Daddy?”

“Quamie, come on man, I never expected us to become what we did. Up until a month ago, I thought you hated me.”

“This shit is too much.”

“But I am sure your father can figure out a way to help all of us. He clearly brought me here to protect you guys.”

“He didn’t fucken know.”

“Quamie, quit being a blonde. Your father knows everything. He has been looking out for you guys since day one. And trust me he will do anything to make sure that you all are protected, even kill.”

“What the fuck are you saying?”

“Fuck it, I need to clear my conscience. Takeisha is dead because she found out I wasn’t really Breon.”

“Did you kill her?”

“No, I begged your father_”

“Are you trying to say my father killed Takeisha?”

“No, he made Taheim do it, because Taheim told Takeisha I wasn’t really Breon.”

“How the hell did Taheim know?”

“Cooley told him. Your cousin confessed a lot of things on his deathbed.”
            My mind flashed back to Cooley’s repass and Aunt Bernadette telling me that Cooley had confessed some things to her that could break peace within the family. Dear God!

“Quamie, are you Okay?” asked Montez noticing that I had started trembling.

“I do not know.” I admitted “I think it’s information overload.”

“Can I hold you, please?”

“Yeah,” I said, “I just feel like I am losing my mind.”

“No, you’re not.” He said laying behind me and wrapping his arms around me, “I won’t let you. We are going to be alright. All of us.”

I wanted so badly to believe him.

 

 

Chapter Twenty-Four

“How the fuck was it only 10:00PM?” I wondered out loud as my phone rang

“Uncle Quamie,” Premiere’s tear-filled voice came through the phone. “I need you to come and get me.”

“What is going on?”

“Daddy is in jail because he got caught driving drunk.”

“What?” My stomach felt queasy. Chris was drinking again; Goddamnit!

“Mama is taking her anger at him out on me and I’m not going to keep being slapped in the face__”

“Hold on Nephew, I do not like what you are implying. If you hit your Mama I’ma cave your chest in, if she doesn’t just kill you first.”

“Please come and get me. I do not want to be here. Please.”

“I am coming. Stay in your room until I get there.”

 

I had known Vashti since I we were both sixteen years old. In all those years, I had never seen her look so disheveled. Her face was streaked with running makeup and drying tears, and her hair was wild and unkempt.

“Premiere go out to the car and wait for me.” I said

 Premiere threw his bookbag across his shoulder and walked out of the kitchen door without even acknowledging his mother.

“If you want, I can keep Micha and Kyron too,” I offered, “Give you some time to yourself.”

“They are fine,” She said, “That mother fucker that walked his little mannish ass out that door thought he was going to run his mouth at me because I told his Daddy I wasn’t coming to get his drunk ass tonight. He needs to sit still and sober up.”

“I agree.”

“Why did y’all let him drink?”

“Chris did not have a drop to drink the whole while he was at my house. Nobody was even allowed to bring alcohol. He was sober when I left the hospital.”

“And that is another thing, why in the hell was he and Jayson fighting in the first place?”

“They were just rough housing, and things got a little out of hand.”

“I am tired, Quamie. I love Chris, but I cannot do it anymore.”

“Vashti_”

“I am tired of being a fool. Your cousin doesn’t give a shit about me, and he barely cares about our children. He couldn’t wait to go to your house though. I made him take Premiere with him, hoping it would shame him and he would turn around and come back home to be with me, but I guess you all just worked around Premiere, or did you include him and that’s why he is all of a sudden against me?”

“You are out of your damn mind, I don’t appreciate that shit Vashti, you are all the way wrong for that!”

“I’m sorry,” she sobbed, “I am just so damn hurt and so tired of being the only one who is putting in the work to keep this family together. I just want to feel good, Quamie, I haven’t felt good in forever.”

I do not know what in the hell got into Vashti, but she kissed me, a deep ass passionate kiss. It had been a long time since I had been intimate with a woman. Even in her unkempt state, Vashti smelled good, like rose water and vanilla. I felt my dick starting to throb but won’t no way in hell I was going to do that.

“No!” she protested when I pushed her away

“Vashti we cannot do that.”

“Because of Chris?” She wept

“Because I respect you.”

For the second time in a four-hour span, I had the ever-loving shit slapped out of me. Vashti’s eyes narrowed to slits and her face conveyed the disgust she felt towards me.
            “If you really respected me, you wouldn’t be fucking my Goddamn husband!” she screamed. The look on her face went from disgusted to startled.

“Oh My God.” She said covering her face.

I looked over my shoulder to see what she had seen, and my heart nearly sunk out of my chest.

“Hey Uncle Quamie,” said Premiere stoically, “Can we please go now? I am really tired and need to get some sleep. Mama, I love you, I just need a break from the chaos.” He turned and went back outside

“Oh My God, Quamie, I did not mean… You’ve gotta know I would never…”

“Get yourself some sleep, Vashti. We are going to all sort this out in tomorrow. “

 

 

           

 

“Premiere…”  I said starting the car

“Please Uncle Quamie. I don’t want to talk about it. I am going to pretend I never heard what my Mama said, because I don’t ever want to come to a point where you and my Dad are not my two biggest heroes. I also don’t want to see the day that I no longer love or respect the two of you. Please, don’t tell me the truth, don’t tell me a lie; just don’t tell me anything about it.”

“Okay,” I said grateful to not have to have that uncomfortable ass conversation.

 

 

Chapter Twenty- Five

By the time the morning came, I was pretty much on autopilot. It was only Tuesday, but so much shit had happened the day before, it felt as if an entire month had gone by.

I bought Premiere breakfast from Dunkin Donuts, then dropped him off at school. That was the quietest ride I had ever had with Premiere. Usually whenever I drove him anywhere, he talked nonstop about basketball, girls he liked, and music he was working on. He just stared out of the passenger side window and gave one-word answers to any question asked.

Premiere didn’t even tell me goodbye or that he loved me when I dropped him off. That really hurt, but I understood that he was still processing what he had overheard the night before. God, I hoped he didn’t grow to despise me and his father.

 

 

“Fruit smoothies and donuts.” I announced as I entered Jayson’s hospital room carrying the treats I had purchased for both of us.

“Oh, goody, a bunch of sugar first thing in the morning,” He said sarcastically, “But it beats the shit out of the bland mess they tried to serve me for breakfast; thank you Quamie.” He said giving me a hug.

 I didn’t even get mad when he grabbed both of the raspberry filled donuts leaving me with the two plain ones.

“How are you feeling?” I asked sitting his mango smoothie down on the overbed table.

“I think I feel fine, but they insist I stay for at least a couple of days.”

“Yeah, that’s what they did when I had my concussion. Look, I know it is not my place, but Chris really did not mean to hurt you.”

“Quamie, please do not make excuses for Chris. I understand that the two of you are closer, but please do not minimize his actions. This was totally uncalled for.”

“I cannot argue with that.” I sighed “I just regret any of this happened.”

“Quamie, when I get out of the hospital, you guys won’t be hearing from me for a while.”

“Come on, Jayson, I know you are upset, but___”

“Quamie, I think the all of us need to get the hell away from each other for a few months. I think we all need to be honest about how the Circle of Amor came to be and stop protecting a dead man who took advantage of all of us. We are all fucked up.”

“Yeah, we are,” I admitted “I cannot even argue with you on that.”

“And it is not just us. Jaleek and Taheim are suffering as well because of Jerod’s actions.”

“Come on now Jayson, Jerod never____”

“That is not what I am saying. Jaleek knows what his father did. He’s known what Jerod was doing with me, because he walked in on us when he was eleven.”

“Goddamn.”

“Then he found all of those videos on his father’s computer. My car isn’t locked. When you get back home, get the computer out of my car and watch just one of those videos and see if you still think that what Jerod did with us was some cool and loving thing.”

“I don’t want to see__”

“You don’t want to see it, because you don’t want to face the truth, and you don’t want to stop something that you have become way too comfortable with doing, even though it is dead ass wrong.”

“Goddamn, this is too much,” I said rubbing my throbbing ass temples, “Man so much shit happened last night, I think I am gonna lose it. Chris is in jail_”

“For what; I did not press charges.”

“Apparently, he decided to drink again and got caught driving.”

“Fuck!”

“Vashti tried to seduce me. She kissed me, pressed herself against me. I almost got a hard on. I pushed her away and she slapped me. She also let it slip that she knew what was going on between me and Chris and Premiere heard it.”

“Goddamn, Quamie, are you serious? How is Premiere?”

“He is okay. At least he is acting oaky. He refuses to talk about it.”

“And you do not see that as a major sign that it is time to stop this shit?!”

“Good Morning, just gotta do some quick vital checks; Oh, Hi Quamie.” Said Olivier entering Jayson’s hospital room.

“Hi, Olivier. I will come back to see you later, Jayson.” I said kissing him on the cheek. “I’ma get out of Olivier’s way.”

“You do not have to rush on account of me.” Said Olivier placing the blood pressure cup on Jayson’s right arm.

“Nah, I’ve really got to get going. I have a full day ahead. Good to see you again.”

I walked out of that room feeling a sense of accomplishment. I had managed to encounter Olivier and not make a fool of myself by falling apart in front of him.

I cried when I got in the car, but to be completely honest, my tears were not for Olivier. I was crying because I did not want to believe that Jerod had intended to hurt any of us; however, I could not deny that my family was starting to be destroyed by all of the secrets that surround the Circle of Amor.

 

 

Dad usually worked from home on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I did not want to bother him, but Montez was adamant that he was the only one who would be able to help with the current situation that he had found himself in.

We sat on the leather couch in Daddy’s mancave. I was still trying to mentally process all of the things that Montez told me about my father the night before. Without even thinking, Montez and I held hands.

“So, you two are fucking?” Asked Dad

“We are in a relationship.” Said Montez

I was shocked as hell to hear him say it. We were, but neither of us had said so to anyone, let alone each other.

“Well son, I do not know what kind of boyfriend he is, but you have definitely got yourself a good piece of ass.”

“I already told him,” said Montez defiantly, “Now, if you can manage to put the nastiness away, we really have a problem. Ma -uh-Miss Fendi knows that I am not really Breon.”

“How the fuck does she know that?”

“I do not know how she found out, but she called me Montez out of the blue last night. She caught me off guard. I did not have time to think.”

“You mother fuckers are all more trouble____”

“Dad, how long did you really think this could be pulled off?”

“I don’t know son. I should not have had to think about it at all. The only reason I did it was because I wasn’t going to see You, Cooley, and Jabari go to jail for the actions of that beige chimp, Chris. He is a fucken reprobate just like that piece of shit Jerod.”

“Dad_” Montez gripped my hand tightly to keep me from saying anything further.

“Unc, Miss Fendi wants to know what happened to her son. I think we should come up with some believable explanation.”

“The reason why I called Cooley my favorite,” said Dad, “Is because he was always thinking; always trying to figure out the what now, what next, and what then of every situation.” Dad rummaged through his desk drawer and produced an I-phone. I had seen that slate blue case enough times to know that it was Cooley’s “Even as he was dying, he thought about what would happen if this little arrangement went awry.” Dad dismissively pointed at Montez “This was the break in case of emergency plan. I went and sat with him the day before he died, poor thing was so frail and could barely talk, but he insisted that I record him and__”

I rushed to embrace my father. I could not stand seeing him cry. Yeah, he could be a total prick, and he had done some really fucked up shit, but he did it to protect me and his nephews. Right or wrong, I loved my Daddy.

“Thank you, son,” Said Dad composing himself, “Montez, I need for you to call Fendi and tell her to come over here. This is going to work.”  Dad sounded more as if he were trying to convince himself.

“And if it doesn’t?” asked Montez

“Then her ass, yours, or both will just have to die. Someone in the family will adopt BJ.”

What the fuck??!! Montez did not look the least bit surprised. Even with everything that Montez had told me the night before, I was shocked to hear my father talk about murdering two people as if it were as casual as discarding a used tissue. There wasn’t a hint of humor or sarcasm in his voice; he was dead serious.

“Dad, I am sure there is better way to handle it.” I chuckled

“I said what I mother fucken said,” He said to me not even raising his voice, “Now, Montez, call that festering bitch and let’s get this the fuck over with. I have other shit to do today.”

 

 

Chapter Twenty-Six

“Don’t cuss me out,” said Chris presenting Vashti with the bouquet of flowers he had purchased from the florist shop.

“Who picked you up?” she asked completely refusing to even look at the flowers. Vashti pushed the grapefruit that she had suddenly lost her appetite for aside.

Chris sat the flowers down on the table, feeling foolish holding them, when the one for whom they were intended would not even acknowledge them.

“Jabari did,” He said taking a seat at the kitchen table. “I am glad he hadn’t gone back yet. I could not get a hold of you or Quamie this morning.”

“Hmph, I had my phone on do not disturb. I wasn’t trying to hear from you. Anyway, let me go and get ready and run this restaurant.”

“Vashti, I am sorry.”

“Chris, I am tired_”

“Baby, I messed up. I should not have gotten into a fight with Jayson and I damn sure should not have drank anything. I am so sorry. I am going to go to rehab this time before it gets worse.”

“Good. I want you to take care of yourself, but I am done with this shit.”

“Vashti, I am sorry.” Said Chris, his grey eyes becoming glassy.

“And I am fucken tired! I regret that I didn’t end this shit five years ago when I learned the truth, but I was pregnant and our two older children were so young, and I really loved you.”

“So, what are you saying, you do not love me anymore?”

“Chris, I am so over you, that if he would have had me, I would have let Quamie fuck me right here on this kitchen table last night, but he is too decent a person in spite of the shit he’s doing with you!”

Chris shrieked like a mad man and pounded his fist on the table

“That is fucked up Vashti! You wanted to hurt me that bad?”

“Yeah, but then again, I would have been the damn fool, because you would have only been hurt because Quamie fucked me instead of you.”

“Damn, I put you on such a high pedestal.”

“Nigga fuck you! Your goddamn pedestal had me letting shit slide that no other bitch would tolerate.”

“And I adhered to the rules that you set.”

“Did you; you took our son into that environment.”

“And nothing was done to him because I would never allow anything like that to happen to him and neither would Quamie.”

“And I will bow out gracefully and allow you and Quamie to finish raising him, since he doesn’t want to listen to me, but Kyron and Micha are coming with me.”

“Vashti, please do not do this. Please just give me a chance to fix things.”

“How many fucken chances do you need, Chris?!” she yelled “You are in love with another man, not me. I know that you love me, but I don’t think you have been in love with me for some time, if ever.”

“I am in love with you. You are my wife and the mother of my children.”

“And you would drop all of us like a bad habit if Quamie asked you to. Lucky for us, Quamie is a halfway decent person, and he doesn’t feel for you the same way that you feel about him. He wouldn’t sleep with me last night because he would not allow me to disrespect myself, not because he is madly in love with you.”

“You really would have fucked my cousin?”

“Yeah.” She cried and nodded her head “Last night, I was so hurt, and so disappointed, and so over it, I would have fucked your cousin that you are fucking because I knew that you would not ever to be able to forgive it and you would let me fucken go.”

“Please, do not teach my sons to hate me.”

“I would never do that,” she said reaching across the table and touching his hand “But you need to talk to Premiere because I really fucked up last night. I did not mean for it to happen, but he heard me say that you and Quamie were fucking.”

“Damn, you hate me that bad?”

“Chris, I swear to God, I did not mean for him to overhear that. Ask Quamie; neither of us knew he was in the room.”

“I will get some things and move out. There isn’t any need for you and the kids to have to move, and they have to relocate schools.”

“Thank you.” She cried

“Can I, can I please hold you?” he asked

“No. Thank you for the flowers. I’m going to go take a shower, I have to go run the restaurant.”

“Why don’t you just take the day off, the ladies can manage without you. I could use a spa day and so could you. Why don’t we go get massages, and mani-pedis?”

“There was a time when me and my husband doing those things together was so much fun.”

“Can we just one more time?”

“It won’t change my mind, Chris.”

“And I respect that; but can we just make ourselves feel and look better before we make this split official.”

“We are not going to come home later and have sex, and everything is going to go back to normal.”

“I understand. I just want one day with you, before I let go.”

“Let me go shower.”

“It might be a good idea if I did the same.”

“You can use the guest bathroom.”

“I can, but do you really want me to?”

They made love in the shower for the first time in over a year. Vashti cried tears of pleasure and frustration. In spite of everything she had said before, in the back of her mind she knew that she could not ever leave Chris.

 

 

Jabari breathed a sigh of relief being back in Greensboro and back inside his own apartment. He lowkey felt as if he had betrayed Jayson by going to pick Chris up from jail and taking him home, but Chris was family too and in spite of the stupid shit that he did, Jabari could not just leave him there, especially when Chris called him crying pitifully about how neither Vashti nor Quamie would answer his phone calls.

Jabari placed his keys in the bowl on the counter and took off his shoes. Thank God there was one Smirnoff Ice left in the refrigerator. After several days of no alcohol in an intense, dysfunctional environment, the sweet, tart taste of the apple wine cooler was a welcomed treat. He drank the entire thing in one chug.

Of all the things that happened over the course of the past three days, the petty arguments, learning that Jerod had videotaped their sexual encounters, being accused of fucking Premiere, and even the witnessing a fight that almost turned into another murder, the thing that most had Jabari fucked up was the revelation that Jerod had raped Breon.

“Oh, hell yeah!” smiled Jabari when he turned on his bedroom lights. His anal plug had been charging for days. The shiny, black, phallic like object was practically calling his name.

Jabari stripped completely naked and stood before the full-length mirror that hung on his bedroom wall. Jabari ran his hand seductively over his perfect dancer’s body. He did a full pirouette. The adrenalin made the blood flow fast through his veins and straight to his dick causing it to harden.

Jabari removed the anal plug along with a bottle of lube from his dresser and got onto his bed. He inhaled the delightful smell of gain mixed with Blue Nile cologne on his sheets as he inserted the vibrating plug inside of himself.

“Shit!” He moaned stroking his thick cock. Jabari contorted himself and sucked his own dick as the plug vibrated and penetrated in and out of his tight hole.

It had been a long time since Jabari had sucked his own dick. It was a talent that only he had in spite of how well endowed all of the cousins were. Years of studying dance and gymnastics gave his body a limberness that was uncontested. The sweet and saltiness of his precum comingled with the taste of the apple wine cooler on his tongue. Jabari discontorted. His legs were spread wide as he drenched the throbbing, veiny, monster between his legs with lubricant. Jabari’s balls were full, round, and ready for release. His eyes rolled around in his head as the combination of the vibrating, penetrating plug and the ferocious stroke of his cock had Jabari on the verge of transcending vortexes.

“Goddamn, I love my body!” He exclaimed as he gunned his cock with his left hand and caressed his hard nipples with his right one.

Jabari’s toes curled and his back bowed as he shot off with such force his asshole contracted causing the well-placed plug to pop out leaving his hole gaping and twitching.

Jabari, shook, bucked, and moaned for several minutes after his orgasm. The aftermath had him so aroused he once again stroked himself to a less intense, but equally satisfying release. He fingered his hole that was sore from the plug, compiled with the previous days’ fuck sessions. He sucked the cum off of the fingers of his free hand.

He wished that Quamie, Chris, Jayson, and Breon were there with him. His deepest desire was for the five of them to arrive at a place where the five of them could enjoy what Jerod and Cooley had gifted them with without the jealousy and drama. There was enough ass, dick, freakiness, and love between the five of them to go around.

 

 

 

 “Please hurry up and finish your sandwich, so we can go.” Said Fendi anxiously watching Bernadette eat the fried egg sandwich that she had made for her. After the call from Montez, she was eager to get over to Gloria and Deandre’s house.

“I am done,” Said Bernadette finishing the last bite. She drank the remaining orange juice in the cup. “I hated to even bother you this morning, but I was starving.”

“Okay, now we must get going. Where do you want me to drop you off at?”

“Why can’t I go with you over to Gloria’s. I haven’t visited her in a long time. I hope she made some pecan cookies. I have been craving pecan cookies lately.”

“Fine!” said Fendi rolling her eyes in frustration,” Let’s just get going, please.”

 

 

 

Fendi was relieved that Gloria had the patience to entertain Bernadette. Whatever the matter was that Montez had told her she needed to come and speak with Deandre over, she did not want to have to deal with Bernadette on top of it.

“Hey Aunt Fendi.” I said hugging her

“Hey, Quamie, what are you doing here, Baby?”

“I am just here to give Montez some moral support.”

“Oh, so you know?” She asked suspiciously

“He told me last night.”

“Fendi, sit down.” Said Dad pointing to one of his office chairs

“Thank you.” She said taking a seat “Now why am I here?”

“Fendi, I need to apologize to you from the bottom of my heart, I should have insisted you be told the truth instead of trying to spare you heartbreak. I know how much you loved Breon and I saw how miserable you were all those months not having him, so I found this young man___”

“You were behind this, Deandre? You masterminded this? Why?”

“Because I knew that your son was dead and I never wanted you to have to know the pain of finding out how he got that way.”

“Who killed him?”

“Fendi, I am going to play something for you,” Said Dad turning on Cooley’s phone. “Cooley made this video less than 24 hours before he passed away.”

Everyone in the room had tears in their eyes at the sight of Cooley looking emaciated in his hospice bed. Instinctively, we all looked down and listened, so that we no longer had to see him in his final state.

“I hope you can hear me,” He said weakly “I am dying, I am probably going to be dead before the day is over, but I cannot take this to my grave with me. Not this. Aunt Fendi I love you, and I am so sorry that I did not tell you the truth. I was too much of a coward, to look you in the face and let you know that Breon was dead. Breon got so messed up at the shop that night, I wouldn’t let him drive. I should have just taken him home, but he didn’t want you to see him drunk and he begged me to take him to Cereauleon Lake. We were supposed to just chill out at the bank and watch the waters go over the fall.”

Dad paused the video.

“Fendi, are you sure you want to hear the rest?” Asked Dad.

“I need to, Deandre.”

Montez and I stood on opposite sides of Aunt Fendi. He held onto her left hand, and I held onto her right one. We had tears in our eyes of pure guilt that this woman that we both loved was hearing her dying nephew give a purely false account of how her only son lost his life.

Dad restarted the video.

“Breon told me something…I am so sorry that you even have to hear this Aunt Fendi. This is another reason why I could not look you in the face and tell you this. Breon told me that Jerod did something really bad to him, you can pretty much figure out what that something bad was. He kept saying that he didn’t feel clean. Then he jumped in that lake. I do not think he meant to kill himself, he was just swimming around and splashing. I yelled at him to come back to the shore, because he was drunk and I could not save him if something went wrong because I could not swim. He was making his way back when he got swept up in the current and pulled over the waterfall. I saw him go screaming over that waterfall begging for help and I could not help him.”

Cooley sounded so damn convincing. I do not know how long he had had that story concocted in his mind, but he told it with sincerity.

“I could not tell you. I could not look you in the face and tell you,” Lied Cooley “Uncle Deandre, the only person I ever told what happened before today, wanted me to tell you, but I could not and I begged him not to. I am so sorry for everything.”

“I knew that Amad had another son,” said Dad once the video ended. “I did my research and I was shocked that he could have been Breon’s identical twin. You were hurting so bad, Fendi, and Cooley was about to go crazy with guilt, so I talked this young man into pretending to be your son. In hindsight it was stupid and probably did more harm than good, but I really thought that I was doing what was best. It even brought you and your sisters closer together.”

“But it was still a lie, and my son is still dead.” Said Fendi “Poor Cooley, he always had a good heart, but I wish he had just told me the truth, then I could have grieved the loss of my child and moved on. You made me spend the past five years thinking that he was alive and had returned to me. And now, I have to grieve the death of my real son and deal with the loss of the relationship I developed with this young man who I thought was my son.”

“You do not have to lose me,” Said Montez “I love you and BJ. You are the only woman who has been a mother to me.”

“And Dear sweet Jesus, BJ. He believes that you are his father. He lost his Mama a few months ago.” Sobbed Fendi

“I know you feel hurt and betrayed right now, Fendi,” said Daddy, “But I don’t understand why anything has to change. I know he isn’t your biological child, but he is your son’s brother. And as you mentioned, he is the only father Little Breon has ever known. BJ is six -years old now, he isn’t just going to forget. Listen, don’t nobody but the four of us in this room know the truth and that does not have to change.”

“I just don’t know,” sighed Fendi

“Fendi, Fendi, you ready to go?” Came Aunt Bernadette’s shrill annoying voice from the other side of the door. “Fendi, I need to go to the corner store.”

“Oh Goddamn,” groaned Aunt Fendi “I bet Gloria done put some money in that fool’s hand and she’s itching to go get high.”

“Fendi!” She said barging into Daddy’s mancave without knocking “What is going on; why is my sister crying. What the hell did you say to her Deandre?” Aunt Bernadette walked aggressively towards Daddy, who backed up in disgust.

“Jesus, Bernadette, I can smell your nappy cracked out pussy; when is the last time you washed your ass?” Frowned Daddy

“You’re not going to keep insulting me!” said Aunt Bernadette reaching into that big ass handbag she carried for shoplifting and brandishing a Baretta.

“Hey!” We all screamed simultaneously as our hands went in the air as if we were being held up.

“Bernadette, have you lost your damn mind; put that gun away before you hurt or kill someone.” Demanded Aunt Fendi

“I am tired of this arrogant mother fucker walking around here like his shit don’t stink.” Said Bernadette waving the gun way too carelessly for my liking.

Montez and I were trying to utilize telepathy in order to come up with a strategy to disarm her before shit went further left than it already had.

“Deandre is an Aggie, he’s a member of the Divine Nine, He’s a successful accountant, He owns not one, but two houses. Deandre raised my son when me and my husband were nothing but bottom feeding junkies, then Deandre turned around and started fucking my child!”

Montez had to grab hold of me to keep me from falling. My head felt light and my legs felt shaky. I silently prayed that Aunt Bernadette was just throwing out a baseless accusation. Daddy put a damper on any hope that I had that it was untrue.

“If you’re going to tell it, bitch, tell it right. Don’t put it out there like I fucked Cooley when he was a child. Cooley was a grown ass man in his sophomore year of college when he and I developed a relationship, and I am not the least bit ashamed of it, because I loved him and he loved me.”

“You sick son of a bitch!”

We all screamed when Aunt Bernadette pulled the trigger. Daddy fell to the floor, but so did Aunt Fendi. Frightened Bernadette dropped the gun and ran from the house.
            “Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!” I cried

“Shut up sounding like a bitch!” roared Daddy. “Ouch, Goddamnit, it grazed my hip. Who the fuck aims at somebody’s hip?”

“Call an ambulance; Mama’s been hit!” screamed Montez

Daddy and I looked in horror as he pressed his hands over the blood stain on the right side of Aunt Fendi’s stomach.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I do not know if it was because Aunt Bernadette was high or because she was a lousy ass shot, but she managed to hit two people with one bullet and only give each of them a flesh wound. Thank God!

Daddy, in his typical ability to spin bullshit and make it believable, convinced police officers that Aunt Bernadette was showing him her deceased husband’s gun in order to get his opinion on its value, because she planned to sell it. She had no idea that the gun was loaded because it had been in a drawer for over ten years. The shooting had been a complete accident.

Remorseful, mainly over the fact that she had shot Aunt Fendi, Aunt Bernadette checked herself into rehab.

 

 

This was the first Thanksgiving in my adult life that I didn’t go chow down at my parent’s home around noon, then went to Chris’s and Vashti’s in the evening and chow down again.

I did not want to go to my parent’s home because I did not want to be around my father. I did not want to go to Chris and Vashti’s because I wanted to be out of the way while they worked on their marriage. I got Breon to drop the twins off to Chris and Vashti’s when he took BJ over. BJ, Micha, Quamie, and Quame were each other’s best friends and looked forward to the holiday themed sleepovers that Vashti hosted for them.

“Vashti sent you a plate and a whole sweet potato pie,” Announced Breon

“That’s what’s up,” I smiled, “You care to join me; Vashti packs enough food to feed three mother fuckers on one plate.”

“Nah, I am stuffed.” He said massaging his slightly bloated belly, “I had just got up from the table before I came to pick up Quamie and Quame, Mama cooked so much. I wish you would have come over.”

“I am just not feeling like being around family like that.” I said

“What’s wrong?” He said sitting next to me at the kitchen table

“What isn’t? There are so many lies and secrets within this family and we’re all carrying on as if it is normal. Aunt Fendi knows the truth now, but she is still calling you Breon and you are still calling her Mama.”

“That’s because we love each other. It scared the hell out of me when Aunt Bernadette shot her. She is the only Mama I have ever had, Quamie, and I am the closest thing she has to actually having her son back.”

“I guess.” I sighed

“Quami, everything worked out for the best.”

“For you. Don’t get me wrong, I am glad that things worked out and you were able to remain in Aunt Fendi’s and BJ’s lives, but there is so much shit that I know that I cannot unknow______”

There was a knock at the door.

“I will get it; you go on and eat something.”

Before I could get the foil off of the plate, my appetite left when I saw Daddy walk into my kitchen decked out in his grey and black glen plaid fitted Versace slacks, white button-down dress shirt, and St. Augustine sweater. He still had a slight limp from being shot in the hip.

“Your Mama, sent you a plate of food and a container of banana pudding. She insisted I bring it to you even though I argued that you were fully capable of bringing your butt over if you wanted something to eat.”

“Thanks.” I said dryly

“Quamie, I might be back later tonight. I promised Mama I would help her put the tree up.” Said Breon eager to get out of the tension- filled room.

“Let’s just see each other tomorrow. I am about to lock up soon and go to bed.” I said hoping Daddy would take the not-so-subtle hint.

“Okay.” He said. Breon was so ready to get out of there, he did not even kiss me.

Daddy sat down at the table. I immediately got up and put the two plates and desserts I had been gifted into the refrigerator.

“Son, your Mama has been crying all day because you couldn’t get out of your feelings long enough to come and eat a plate of the food she prepared. She doesn’t know what the hell is going on and she does not deserve your misplaced anger.”

“I wasn’t feeling well.” I lied

“That is a crock of shit,” said Daddy, “You are harboring hard feelings towards me, but you do not have the guts to come out and say it.”

“Okay Dad, you are right,” I said slamming my fist down on the counter, “How can I not harbor hard feelings towards you?”

“Maybe because I am the reason your stupid ass isn’t serving twenty to life for conspiracy to commit murder.”

“But you have actually had someone killed,” I said lowering my voice, “And poor Taheim has not been mentally well since. If Cooley was your favorite, how could you put his son through this shit; how could you make him do that?”

“Because I thought… because I thought he was cut from the same cloth as his father. Cooley was no punk.”

“For the love of God, he is only 19 and he had just watched his father die, it never occurred to you that something like that would fuck his head up?”

“I honestly would not have to think about any of this shit if Chris’s depraved ass hadn’t shot somebody in the head to protect the name of his molester. Did y’all like Jerod playing in your asses so much, you just sat there and let Chris do what he did to Breon?”

“Nobody knew he was going to do that; it just happened.”

“And I just did what I did to keep all of you out of prison, even Chris. Mind you had it not been at your shop and You, Cooley and Jabari had not been around, I would have let that unhinged nigger face the consequences he deserves.”

“God, why do you hate him?”

“I don’t hate him. He just disgusts me. I don’t respect men who have zero impulse control. And the fact that he committed murder in order to protect the name of a dead predator.”

“You made him cut Breon up?” I asked

“Of course, his bitch ass told you.”

“He never said your name. He was on the verge of a breakdown after Cooley died and he let it slip out when we were in bed…I mean …”

“Nigga, everybody in the family knows you two are fucking, we all just choose to mind our Goddamn business.”

“But why would you make him do that?”

“To teach him a lesson, and because a dismembered body decomposes faster and is harder to identify.”

“God, you say that shit so calmly. How do you sleep at night?”

“Fucken fine. I never killed anybody. How do you sleep, especially still fucking the one you saw murder Breon in cold blood? Son, you can never make me out to be the bad guy in this situation. All of this shit could have been avoided had you punks opened your mouths and told on Jerod’s sick ass the minute he tried to fuck you.”

“We were kids, we were sexually curious.”

“You were stupid ass punks who let a sick ass predator groom you into fucking him and fucking each other. You do not even know the extent of what that bastard did you all. Fuck it, he is long dead and in hell now. Your precious Jerod had videos of you, Chris, Jabari, Breon and Jayson all over the fucken dark web.”

My Legs felt weak. My stomach was in knots. My head felt light. My dad casually pushed a kitchen chair towards me with his foot so that I could sit down.

“I found out about it through one of my clients that Jerod tricked himself to. Jerod was making money off of those videos of him fucking you guys and you guys fucking each other. That’s why he was always buying you all shit that you didn’t need from him because you all had working parents. You all were the reason he was making money in the first place. I wanted to kill that sorry mother fucker. I wanted him taken out of this world in the most gratuitous way possible. Thank God I did not go with my initial plan to plant a bomb in that fucken Corvette he loved to drive on the weekends. Thank God I showed restraint and just had one of Cooley’s employees to sneak up to his house at night and loosen the lug nuts in his tires. That act of restraint is the only reason your stupid ass is still alive today. You were not supposed to have been in the car with him that day. Thank God only that mother fucker ended up dead.”

“Wait; what?” I could not believe that I was hearing the words that were so calmly and rationally coming out of my father’s mouth.

“It costed me over $100,000 to have that shit scrubbed from the dark web and another $100,000 to pay Jamison for his work.”

“I could have fucken died!”

“But you didn’t. Everything worked out fine. Shit, every plan I execute works out fine.”

“Dad, please leave my house.”

“Oh, you are not going to act all self-righteous and be mad at me over protecting the younger kids in the family from a fucken predator. Y’all were grown by the time I found out what that sick fuck had done, but there were enough male cousins right under you all for him to do it all over again.”

“Dad, please leave my home. Right now, I do not want to see, nor speak to you for a long time.”

“Oh, that’s the thanks I get for covering your yellow ass all of these years.”

“Good night, Dad. Please leave.”

Dad stood up, I stood to see him out. When we got to the door, he turned and tightly embraced me.

“Chris has some bomb ass bussy.” He whispered in my ear before leaving.

I was surprised the neighbors didn’t send the police to my house, as I stood to the opened back door crying and screaming to the top of my lungs.

 

 

 

Taheim

Daddy, I want to go with you.

            Son, you sound like you did when you were a little boy and wanted me to take you to work with me.

Don’t laugh at me, Daddy, I really want to go with you.

            Taheim, you cannot go with me. There is no coming back from going with me.

            I do not want to be here anymore. My mind is not right here. I am only okay when you come around. Please let me go with you.

            It hasn’t even been six months since your Mama lost me. She cannot take another loss.

            I am no good to Mama the way that I am. I am a burden to her, and she cannot take care of Zaya and Corey with me like this. They’re all better off with me out of the way. Just let me go with you.

            Nineteen is such a short time, Taheim. There is so much ahead of you. You could get better and go on to do great things. But if you come with me, the state that you are in now will be your legacy.

            I do not care. I am tired of being like this. I just want to be at peace, but I do not want to be alone. Please, Dad, let me go with you.

            Stop crying, Taheim, stop crying and listen to me. I need you to be clear that if you go with me, there is no undoing it. It is final.

            I choose finality over insanity. Please, Daddy, let me go with you.

            You cannot come with me through violence. You cannot do anything that is going to pile more hurt on top of the hurt that your mother is going to experience. No hanging, no wrist slitting, no jumping out of windows.

            No, I would never be that inconsiderate. I have been saving my meds for weeks. I think I have enough.

            Don’t swallow them so fast, son

            Now, I am going to just lay here quietly …

            Taheim. Oh My God, I wish it wasn’t this soon, but I ain’t going to lie, it feels good as hell to hug you again.

            I feel so much better. Everything here is so clear.

            Yes, it is. I am so torn. I wish you had chosen to stay, but I am so happy to have you here with me.

            I am where I want to be, Daddy. Thank you for letting me come with you. I just did not want to be on this side without you. I love you Daddy

            I love you Taheim

 

           

           

           

Chapter Twenty-Eight

We buried Taheim the first Friday in December, nearly six months to the date that we buried Cooley, his father. Life went on as usual for my family. Those fully aware of the truth like Breon, my father, and myself remained tight lipped about what really drove Tahiem to take his own life, and those unaware willingly choosing not to look beyond the surface. Taheim killed himself because he could not get over the death of his father; the explanation was enough for them.

Christmas came and went. For the sake of Quamie and Quame, I tolerated gathering at my parents’ home and pretending to be happy to open all the unnecessary shit my parents bought for me and my children. My Father’s ultimate apology/peace offering to me was a brand-new chrome -colored Lexus SUV. He said it was better in the long run to transport the children and I humbly thanked him. In his own dysfunctional ass way, may father had said, “I am sorry, Quamie; please forgive me,” and I, in mine, had said, “That was fucked up, you are fucked up, but you’re my Dad and I love you, so we good,”

Jayson kept his word that he would not be dealing with any of us for quite a while. He broke the lease that he and Jabari had been sharing for five years and moved into his own place. None of us, not even Jabari was given his new address and phone number. He hadn’t bothered to come home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, or even Taheim’s funeral. When any of us would ask Aunt Lucy about him, she would put on that fake ass smile of hers, cock her head to the side and say, “He’s doing just fine.” In her sing-song voice. I was worried, but I understood that with everything that had gone down, he needed space to sort things out.

Chris and Vashti got a New Years surprise neither of them wanted. In early January, some little fast 16-year-old girl named Lotus, and her parents showed up to Chris and Vashti’s house claiming that their daughter was pregnant and Premiere was the father.

For his own safety and well-being, Premiere moved in with me for a few weeks, but I did not miss a moment in letting his ass know that he had put himself in a very fucked up situation and his parents had every right to be pissed at him. Now all of the sudden the nigga wanted to remember that he was a child and ain’t ready for adult responsibility.

After weeks of him crying and sulking and pleading with God and the universe, his prayers were answered in early February, when little miss fast ass suffered a miscarriage while trying to do that whack Liberian Girl dance challenge on Instagram Live. After that, Premiere swore he was done with pussy until he was grown and financially stable.

 Thank God, Chris went through with getting Premiere on PrEP, but he also became serious about using condoms regularly because I just made it clear to him, that a dance challenge mishap wasn’t gonna get rid of HIV/AIDS or any other STI. Premiere returned home and I was glad to once again just have me and my two recently turned five-year-olds in the house.

Well, it isn’t just the three of us. Breon spends a lot of nights over. My man, my man, my man, my mother fucken baby!!! I love that nigga for real and ain’t ashamed to say it. We are more than just bomb ass sex. We get each other on so many levels. I am in love with another man and it feels damn good to my soul.

 

 

“Hello.” I said answering my phone on the Sunday morning after Valentine’s Day. I did not recognize the number. Breon lay next to me asleep in my white and red rose petal covered bed that we had spent all night making love in.

“Quamie,” said Jayson, “I am going to be home for a few hours, Jabari is supposed to be coming too. I would really like to talk to all of you, Chris and Breon included.”

“Yeah, we could do that. We have all been missing you. How are you Jayson?”

“I am getting better. I want all of us to be better, Quamie, but we need to all be honest about some shit.”

“So, we are going to open old wounds?”

“When did they ever close?”

“Damn, never.” I admitted “We have just been slapping Band-Aids on them and ignoring the infections.”

“I could not have said it better myself. Is noon good for you and is your home available?”

“Yes, yes. I am going to just take the kids over to my parents and I will let Chris and Breon know what is going on. I could order us some brunch and…”

“Could everyone wear black. It doesn’t have to be formal.”

“May I ask why?”

“Because there needs to be a funeral, Quamie, we have to bury somebody once and for all.”

He hung up before I could get clarity on a lot of shit; mainly, who the fuck were we burying?

Thank God my backyard had a privacy hedge because I did not know how I was going to explain to my neighbors why us five niggas were dressed in black suits and digging a hole in my back yard.

“That is deep enough, Jabari.” Said Jayson

“When was the last time you said that to me?” Smiled Jabari trying to lighten the somber ass mood. He leaned the shovel next to my weeping willow tree, where we decided would be the appropriate resting place for our past trauma.

Over brunch, Jayson made it clear that we all needed to acknowledge that we had been duped into making a God out of our abuser. Even Chris, Jerod’s staunchest defender agreed that it was time to accept the truth and heal from it.

Jayson removed a hard drive from the pocket of his blazer.

“On this hard drive is our greatest betrayal.”  He said

As per usual, not everyone knew the whole story. To this day, Jayson is not aware that the man who stood to the left of him at this mock funeral, was not Breon. Breon and I had not clued Chris and Jabari in on the fact that Aunt Fendi was aware that Breon was dead and Montez was not really her son. I had not bothered to tell any of them that Jerod’s betrayal went way beyond just filming us, he had sold videos of our sexual abuse to strangers on the internet.

“Today we bury it along with the betrayer. From now on, Jerod Vincent is officially dead to us and forever removed from the Circle of Amor.”

“Amen!” said Jabari as Jayson dropped the hard drive into the hole

“Amen,” I said scooping up a handful of dirt and tossing it into the grave.

“Good Riddance.” Said Breon tossing a handful of dirt into the grave

Chris was crying real, ugly ass, snot slinging tears. He had gone to the extreme to protect the name of Jerod. Had convinced himself the hardest that what Jerod had done to us was an act of love and had spent years dealing with the mental torment of his actions.

“Let him go, Chris,” I urged, “We are not kids anymore. We all know better. You do not have to hold on to him to have us.”

Chris nodded and tossed a handful of dirt into the hole. Jayson lit a bundle of sage and recited a prayer intended to free us all from the toxic bond we had held for way too long with a deceased predator.

If any of us needed more clarity that what we were doing was the best thing for all of us, as soon as Jabari buried the hard drive along with our blind devotion to Jerod, it started to rain, heavy ass rain like God was finally washing us clean of all of this shit.

“Damn, we’re some fine mother fuckers.” Admired Chris as we stripped out of our drenched clothes

“Hell yeah,” agreed Breon “But ain’t none of y’all as fine as my baby.” He said kissing me on my lips. Surprisingly, there wasn’t any jealous ass looks or retorts, not even from Chris.

“Y’all niggas need to get a room.” Joked Jayson toweling himself off

“Hell, y’all are welcome to join.” I wasn’t joking. Jabri’s legs were shaking so hard he could barely stand.

Like magnets we were drawn to each other right there in my laundry room. I dropped to my knees and began sucking each of their cocks one after the other delighting in the distinct flavor of each one. Jayson’s tasted sweet like saltwater taffy, Breon’s tasted like cocoa butter, Jabari’s tasted tropical fruity and fizzed on my tongue like pop rockets, and Chris’s tasted like quality sea salt caramel. Jabari entered me from behind as I did my best to suck all of the saltwater taffy out of Jayson’s dick.

Chris’s back held a beautiful arch as Breon, gracefully stood on his tip toes penetrating Chris with slow, circular, looping motions that looked more like dancing than fucking.

We alternated round robin style until everyone in the room had been fucked by everyone in the room. There was no bitterness, jealousy, or lingering hard feelings. This was not done out of love or memory of Jerod, or even Cooley for that matter. It was five men giving themselves to one another willingly and unselfishly. Ours nuts bursts forth cleansing and releasing us from the toxicity that had initially bonded us. This was a definitive burial of the past and an embrace of a new beginning. We were each other’s lovers, friends, and protecters. We had now become each other’s liberators. Me, Chris, Breon, Jabari and Jayson are the Circle of Amor forever.

The End

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Epilogue

Fuck every single one of those faggot ass niggas!! I am the bad guy? I am the mother fucken bad guy? I am fucken dead, Goddamnit, I did not make them do any of the shit they did from 2019 to the present.

So, wait a minute; Chris killed Breon, they let another nigga pretend to be the nigga that Chris killed, nobody goes to jail for that shit. Quamie and the imposter ass nigga know that Breon’s baby mama   was murdered in order to keep up the façade, Chris damn near killed Jayson, and ain’t nah one of those niggas stopped fucking each other!! But I am the mother fucken bad guy??!! Man, kiss the monkey’s entire ass with that bullshit!

Hey Officer, I don’t know the number of that big ass bus that I have been thrown the fuck under, but the drivers are named Quamie, Chris, Jabari, Jayson, and Montez/Breon.

And ain’t these mother fuckers quite selective too? Cooley fucked Chris, Quamie and Jabari before either of them turned 18; why the fuck ain’t he a predator? Then there is Unc. He fucked me, He fucked Cooley, he killed me, he covered up Chris’s crime. He fucken raped Chris!! He had Cooley’s son murder Takeisha, He has Aunt Fendi thinking her son drowned and got her trauma bonding with her son’s half-brother, who he had her thinking was her fucken son for five years. That mother fucker is evil in designer clothes, but I am the bad guy!

Fuck them. They can have the Circle of Amor and the sick, twisted fuckery that they turned it into.

I am glad those niggas want to be free of me because they do not deserve to be associated with my name. I started the Circle of Amor as a way to have those punk ass mother fuckers indulge in their sexuality and navigate this fucked up society with their heads held high. They chose to become murderous degenerates.

They never deserved my time and my affection. They never deserved my guidance. They never deserved my love. They never fucken deserved me!

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Thank you to all who patiently read this story from the beginning to the end. Please leave feedback. All Feedback is welcomed , good , bad and indifferent.

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