Lunch Break
Conclusion
“What are you running from?”
“Huh?”
“What… are you… running from?”
“No one’s ever asked me that question,” Michael said.
“Well,” Darius shrugged and blew out his cheeks, “they say I am famous for asking the things no one else asks.”
While Michael smiled, Darius said, “Actually, that is a kind version of what they say.”
“What about you?”
“Huh? What about me?”
“What is it you’re running from?”
“A question answered with a question?’ Darius mused.
Michael shrugged.
“That’s a little fair,” Darius decided.
“I woke up from an awful dream, and the only thing that made it better was knowing we were having lunch.”
“Aw,” Michael said, and when Darius raised an eyebrow, Michael dipped his fry in ketchup and said, “What was the dream?”
“I had a boyfriend, a beautiful boyfriend, and he was naked in my bed, and I was sure that I was going to fall in love wih him, but the bed was in my bedroom in my mother and father’s house, and the weird thing is… the boy seemed to be made out of blankets.”
“Blankets.”
“Yes. When I looked close up on his thighs they were a sort of beige and off white. They were like the backside of the quilts my great grandmother used to make, and there were even the little creases and folds. He was in the blanket, but he was made out of the blanket and I guess if I wanted I could explore what the hell that meant. But there was a storm, We were living on the lake in the dream we did, directly on it, like a beach house. And maybe that’s because in the real world it was raining too. There was this storm, and the waves were beautiful, this beautiful shade of blue, almost green, like glass, but the waves kept getting closer and closer, and finally they were hitting the window, soaking my room. I went out to tell my parents. The den… it had red carpet, and they didn’t leave. My mother said she would check on things. She put the dogs on a leash and went outside with them. There was this beautiful little porch my father had built outside the den, and she walked through it into the back yard, and water was coming, but the grass ws still green. Wet, but not under water. Mom went out with the two dogs, Storm and Petra. I remember them. But when she came back she had a third, and I kept looking at it, and I thought, holy shit, it’s a seal.”
Michael didn’t laugh, but his face widened.
“And the seal was on a leash, so that was just confusing, and then I woke up, and remembered everyone in that dream was dead. Except the blanket boyfriend and the seal.”
“Oh, my Gosh,” Michael said. “I’m so sorry.”
“And that house is long gone.” Darius went on, “and all of those people are long dead.”.
“Really, I’m sorry to hear that,” Michael said again, in case Darius hadn’t heard him.
“But I didn’t answer your question,” Darius said. “The question is what am I running from.
“I had another dream. I…. It was a day where I was struggling with a bunch of things, but also a day where there wasn’t much else to do but go to sleep. I mean, this was some time later, and I was in a terrible mood and I dreamed once again that I was with my family, and… I was in my bed. This dream is newer, but it’s messier. I was worried about money, and worried about having a home and worried about getting away and a new life and all the things I’m always worried about, and suddenly my parents came into my room and they were… Of all the things in the world they were fucking. And I went to another part of the house and I was feeling anxious, because of that, and because of the anxiety I’d drifted to sleep with. And, well, I then I was in the living room of our old house, and my father came shouting and screaming and antagonizing me, and we started to fight, and no matter what I did, he was too strong for me, and my mother was there, cheering him on, and everything was upside down and I woke up feeling worse than I had when I’d gone to sleep.
Jamal was tall and lanky, but Jacen lankier, Jamal tan and Jacen tall and golden. They clapped backs and embraced and while Jacen helped in the kitchen, Jamal prepared a bong. Now and again Max’s hand strayed to Jacen’s ass, squeezing it, and Jacen tittered in a high voice once when Max briefly cupped his crotch.
“Now,” Darius said, “here’s the thing. When I woke up from the first dream and remembered my family was dead, I was… happy isn’t exactly the right word, but it’s not far from it. And when I woke up from this recent dream and remembered they were dead I thought: what a hold they have on me, even now that they’re gone, I still dream about them. Once, I went on a trip some place and someone asked me if I had been abused, and I thought, well how crazy. I wasn’t sexually abused. I wasn’t beaten or anything. But it’s only now I start to realize how sometimes I wake up with fists clenched, still wanting to fight, still in terror of people who aren’t around anymore. I think, and here’s the truth, I am running away from the feeling of helplessness I had when I lived under their roof and couldn’t get away from them, when they spent every day tearing me down. There it is. That’s the truth. That’s what I’m running away from.”
Michael just stared at him and blew out his cheeks.
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“I…. I did not expect that.”
Darius looked at the sandwich and chips on Michael’s plate.
“I am a very slow eater,” Michael said.
Darius was only too happy to take a great hit on the bong, the sharp smoke in his nostrils made him grin when he saw Max, laughing while he ran his hand up and down Jacen’s long thigh, flank, a flank like a horse’s, strong and long, brown hair all up its tan, disappearing into his shorts, how nice. Darius took in more smoke and smiled.
“When I was fifteen, I had cancer and missed half a year of school. I thought I would die. I couldn’t let my parents down. I had to be a good boy. I prayed to God every night so that I could live, so that this wouldn’t take me. And I made promises to God, that I wouldn’t waste my life, that I wouldn’t sin, that I’d be good. And then, once day, it went into remission. And I was cancer free. And I started to believe I’d live.”
Darius said nothing.
“I am a very, very busy person,” Michael said. “And sometimes I think that what I’m doing is outrunning the cancer. You know? It’s been gone ten years, and I’m glad it’s gone and that’s great, but there’s this part of me that is a little afraid. So, yeah. I guess that’s what I’m running from.”
“Do you ever get tired of running from it?”
Michael took a long noisy sip that finished his drink.
“Every fucking day.”
Darius heard a small cry, a change in breath, and turned to see Jamal sitting on the couch looking a little surprised. Here was a boy with a great poker face, Darius thought. He got lost in his thoughts often. Max and Jacen had been sitting on the sofa, bagging meals, putting them in igloos, and now they stopped and Max smoked a cigarette while Jacen prepared a bong. Darius’s thoughts were half over when he smelled it, but paid it no mind. Now they were both sitting splay legged on the sofa, and Jacen had pushed the table away. The room smelled of marijuana and relaxation, and with no prompting, Max rolled off the sofa, onto his knees and pulled down Jacen’s shorts.
Darius only watched.
Max’s head was going up and down up and down, snaking around, and Jacen lay with his legs open muttering, “Oh, my God, oh my God,” while he clasped his forehead. When he looked up and saw them, he only scrambled to take off his shirt and lay, arms spread out, against the sofa. That was the place this was, trashy and a shock to all the people he could never explain this too, sacred to the ones in this room. While Darius was thinking about this, and Jamal was merely sitting in the chair beside him, watching, Max got up, and left Jacen sitting there, his long, dick hard, turning back on his stomach like a hungry sausage.
Darius turned to Jamal, and reached for his joggers. Shrugging, Jamal slid them down and closed his eyes while Darius did to him what Max was doing to Jacen. The throbbing headache of too much thought and too much love subsided as Jamal filled his mouth. Darius sucked on in contentment, and there were no complicated memories. There were no long complicated thoughts of love, only this, and when Jamal started, and he tasted salt on the tip of his tongue, Darius got up, reached into the cupboard, rubbed oil into his ass and then leaned against the table. Obediently, Jamal lifted up his black tee shirt, got behind him and entered, bending over his back, hugging and thrusting into him enthusiastically, like a dog, his head arched to the ceiling while he got harder and harder, the thrill pressing to the very tip of his cock.
Jacen was looking after Max, waiting for him to come back or, perhaps, wondering if he should follow, when Max returned. Max undid his pants and they fell so that he stood in an Hawaiian shirt that covered his ass, and then he took the tube in his hand and liberally slathered it all over Jacen’s cock. He turned to sit on his lap, obscuring Jacen’s face while he lifting a popper bottle to his nose and sniffing, pushed down, pushed through and slid down, slowly, on Jacen’s cock, his eyes open wide in something like a surprise and pain.
He rode him, Jacen bucking from beneath, and they bounced up and down on one another until Max climbed off of him climbed onto the sofa, and directed Jacen behind him. They heard the rapid of slap of Jacen fucking him while Max’s eyes widened, unfocused, like one in a trance, his mouth open as well, and behind him Jacen slammed harder and harder until he grunted, his hips pressed to Max’s ass as Max closed his eyes and gripped the sofa. They were both murmuring, and Jacen’s long tattooed body buckled. He bit his lower lip, grunting.
Jamal gasped and, pulling out, spurted hot semen across Darius’s back.
Jamal was coming out of the bathroom, and Darius, ass still throbbing, was going in. When he came out, Jacen and Max were still fucking.
“Kayla wants to know if she can come over?”
“Why wouldn’t she come over?”
Max sat naked across from Jamal who was pushing his hair from his face as he picked up a vape and puffed on it.
“I dunno. I think she feels bad for… being into herself.”
“For never calling or returning Max’s messages.”
“Yeah,” Jamal, said, resituating and watching Darius light a cigarette.
“Well, that’s on her. You know Max would never turn her away. Just bring her around. Do it tomorrow.”
“I will.”
“You’re good for her.”
“Good for her? Despite all this?”
“I don’t know despite what, but you’re good for her.”
“If I’m her friend, yes, if I’m her boyfriend, not so much.”
“She knows what you are. She chose that,” Darius said.
“You are good for her.”
Now Max and Jacen settled back onto the couch, Max stretched out on the futon, ass up, Jacen like a giant naked rag doll, splayed in the other chair. In a few minutes, Jacen got up and sauntered into the bathroom. The water was running. He was humming, Max, on the futon, turned around like one coming up from sleep. Jacen came out and began to dress, and Max went in and then came out and dressed, and when they were done, as if they had not just interrupted the morning to get high and fuck in the living room, Max said, “Well, now who’s ready to drop off these meals.
