Love (and other four letter words)

Month: December
Location: Peterborough Ontario
Time: 9 AM

Inside the walls of the Peterborough Medium Security Prison sat a small Hispanic inmate at a table in the recreational room, decorating a D.I.Y Christmas tree made out of popsicle sticks. Neither his attitude nor his appearance would fit the typical description of a prisoner behind bars. His tan, smooth skin was void of any tattoos, his hair was styled far too well for someone in a penitentiary, his muscle mass was non-existent and his face bares a content smile. On first glance, no one would guess that he was serving 15+ years for extremely serious charges or that he was one of the most well connected people in the joint.

Sitting across from him was a man who was opposite to him in almost every way. This much more muscular Hispanic man hid his eyes behind sunglasses as he held a book titled ‘THE JOYS OF COOKING! (In prison)’ in his tattooed hands.

“I just love the holidays! Don’t you?” The smaller inmate grinned as he sprinkled craft glitter all over his little tree. His companion shrugged, disinterested.

“Do you think this would be safe to put on my skin?” The smaller inmate asked as he inspects the bottle of green glitter curiously. Once again, the man across the table shrugged, and the smaller, more enthusiastic man began spreading the glitter beneath his eye brows.

“James Usted!” One of the guards shouted from the door way.

“This is MY glitter, I can put it wherever I want!” The inmate, James Usted, quickly defended himself.

“I don’t care about that. You’ve got a visitor,” The guard informed him.

“I do?” Usted said, surprised. He abandoned his tree and stood up, as did his companion, and they made their way towards the guard.

“HE has a visitor, not you,” The guard said to the inmate wearing the sunglasses, stopping him from going out the door.

“I’ll be right back,” Usted assured him, then continued out the door to the visitors room, where Noah sat on the other site of a piece of bullet proof glass. James Usted’s cheerful disposition faded and he stood in the doorway staring Noah as if he wanted to jump through through and strangle him. He eventually made his way to his seat, picking up the phone to communicate.

“Hey, Jamie,” Noah smiled, the bruising around his face healing, his eyes concealed by his own Ray Ban sunglasses.

 James said nothing.

“You look good. Did you cut your hair?” Noah complimented.

 James blinked at him.

“How are you?” Noah asked.

 James squinted his eyes at him.

“How am I?” He repeated, finally responding, “I’m in prison, how the fuck do you think I am?!”

“Right. Stupid question,” Noah relented, “Do you wanna know how I am?”

“I really don’t give a shit how you are,” James said bluntly, “You’ve got a lot of nerve even showing up here after this long.”

“Jamie…” Noah exhaled, “I know you’re probably upset….”

“Upset?!” James interrupted, amused, “Oh, no no no, Noey. When my cell mate snores, I get upset. When my lunch trey is wet, I get upset. When my fiancé disappears for 6 months without so much as a FUCK YOU phone call, I get downright homicidal.”

“Okay, let’s clear one thing up right now,” Noah said, “I proposed to you before I knew you were serving 15 YEARS and we both agreed when I got out that neither of us were gonna wait that long, so you can cut that fiancé shit  out right now.”

“I have a better idea, how about we cut off this visit right fucking now?” James threatened.

“Can you just listen to me for 5 god damn minutes? I really need your help,” Noah pleaded.

“Wow. You haven’t changed one bit,” James chuckled, “You disappear for 6 months and then you show up out of no where and want to ask me for a favor? Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Jamie…” Noah tried to persuade.

“Eat shit!” James cursed, about to hang up the phone.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Noah coerced, removing his sunglasses to reveal the black eye beneath it, “If it makes you feel better, I already beat up probably as bad as you want to do to me right now. But if you don’t help me it will get a lot worse. Please, I am begging you, just listen to me baby. Please.”

James raised and eye brow and placed the phone back to his ear.

“Did you new boyfriend beat you up?” He mocked.

“No, actually, your father did,” Noah confessed.

“Yeah, that sounds like something Fernando would do,” James smirked, “Any particular reason?”

“I told him I can’t do my job anymore. Which is why I need to talk to you,” Noah admits.

“Heaven forbid you come see me just because you miss me,” James scoffed.

“Please listen. It’s a long story but the main point is that I need Fernando to give me a different job, which he refuses to do because he’s a stubborn prick,” Noah continued.

“I could have told you that,” James answered, “But I don’t see what this has to do with me.”

“I need you to talk to him and change his mind,” Noah explained, “You’re his kid, he’ll listen to you.”

“I think you over estimate how much my father values my opinion,” James answered.

“I think you underestimate it,” Noah said, “Look, really need you to help me out here. Otherwise, I’m fucked.”

“And why should I care?”  James says coldly, “You obviously don’t care what happens to me.”

“That’s not true,” Noah said, “I’m sorry I haven’t come to see you in a while, I’ve just been busy.”

“Yes, I’m sure you have lots of things to do, people to see, places to go,” James scoffed, “Because unlike me, you’re not in fucking prison anymore! You’re off living your fabulous life and suddenly you’re too busy to send me a letter, or given me a single phone call or…”

“Because I can’t have a relationship with a phone call!” Noah interrupted, angrily, “I can’t have a relationship with a letter, or a glass window, or a guy who keeps getting more time added onto his sentence every other month! I can’t wait 15 fucking years for you to get out! I need to have a life!”

“You wouldn’t have a life if it wasn’t for me!” James snapped.

“If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be in this fucking position in the first place!” Noah snapped right back.

“Calm down or hang it up!” One of the prison guards shouted at them. James and Noah regained their compsure before continuing.

“I saved you,” James said as calmly as he could, “Before you met me, you were a pathetic, broke, meth addict with a big red target on the back of his head. I helped you get off drugs, I gave you a family, I gave you a job, I gave you everything and THIS is how you treat me? You just forget about me for half a year and then show up when you need something?”

“James, listen…” Noah breathed, “I need to say something to you that I have been wanting to say since I sat down here.”

“What?” James glared.

“Are you wearing glitter on your eye lids?” Noah asked. Despite his best efforts, a smile pulled at the corners of James’ mouth.

“No,” He lied.

“Are you sure?” Noah smiles, “I’m not trying to offend you or anything I mean, it looks good but…it’s kinda hard for me to take your seriously when your face is all shimmery like that.”

James looked away and rubbed his eyes with his free hand.

“Well, in my defense, I forgot I put it there,” He said, “Seeing you after so long was a big shock.”

“I know. But seeing you wearing glitter isn’t much of a shock for me. You always said you wanted to be on Drag Race,” Noah smirked. Again, James failed to repress his smile.

“Don’t make me laugh, I’m mad at you,” He reminded Noah.

“Yeah, but you never could stay mad at me for long though, could you?” Noah reminded him back.

“Neither could you,” James reminisced.

 “Well shit, look at you. Can you blame me?” Noah flirted, “How did Fernando end up with a son as dope as you?”

James shrugged.

“I think he just got lucky. But he doesn’t see it that way. I am the glittery, black sheep of the family,” James shook his head, “How ironic is it that in a family of complete degenerates, I’m STILL the embarrassment?”

“Only because you got caught,” Noah said, straight faced, “But you need to know that I never forgot about you. And I will do whatever you want me to make up for not visiting you. But I need you to help me out here.”

James leaned back in his chair and frowned.

“It feels like everyone’s forgotten about me,” He said sadly, “My dad doesn’t visit me. Neither does my sister. Everyone else gets to go on with their lives I’m just stuck here.”

“We haven’t forgotten about you,” Noah insisted, “I promise. But I’ll admit, its really hard to see you in here. Especially when I can’t even touch you. It sucks.”

“Yeah,” James exhaled.

“But for real, you look good though,” Noah flirted once more.

“Thanks. You don’t,” James said, “Fernando really did a number on your face.”

“Yeah, I know,” Noah agreed, touching his finger tips to the healing bruise on his cheek. James, more relaxed, rested his fist on his chin.

“So…things aren’t going well?” He asked.

“Short answer, No. Long answer…I need a new job,” Noah answered.

“What kind of job?” He questioned.

“Literally anything else,” Noah replied.

“You’ll make less money,” James informed him.

“Doesn’t matter,” Noah shook his head, “I just need you to convince Fernando to give me something else. Literally anything else.”

“And what’s in it for me?” James smirked.

“What ever you want,” Noah said, too quickly.

“That’s a dangerous statement, Noey. Don’t you remember what happened last time you promised me that?” James taunted.

“Yeah, but you can’t do that from behind this glass now, can you?” Noah winked.

“Such a shame…” James sighed, “You know, I really missed talking to you like this.”

“Me too, baby,” Noah agreed.

 James stared at him for a while before asking,

“You’re not seeing someone else, are you?”

“Are YOU seeing someone else?” Noah answered.  James looked guiltily behind see the other tanned,  muscular Hispanic man in sunglasses watching them through the window on the door.

“That’s besides the point,” James deflected as he turns back to Noah. Noah noticed the man in the window and remarked,

“You definitely have a type.”

“So do you,” James said.

“Exactly,” Noah smiled, “So, do you think you can talk to your dad for me?”

James thought about it for a moment, then replied,

“I’ll see what I can do. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try.”

“Thank you,” Noah expressed his gratitude.

 “Times up!” The prison guard shouted from the door way.

“Guess that means I gotta go,” Noah frowned.

“Yeah…” James smile faded, “Come back next  week? Please?”

“You got it,” Noah promised.

“And in the mean time, I’ll think of how you can repay me,” James added.

“You do that,” Noah said, putting his sunglasses back on.

“I want to say something…but I don’t think I should…” James admitted.

“Do you want me to say it first?” Noah asked, reading his mind.

“Yeah. I miss hearing you say it,” James nodded.

“Okay. I love you,” Noah said quietly. James face lit up like the Christmas tree he was decorating would if it wasn’t made of popsicle sticks.

“I love you, too,” James replied with a grin before hanging up the phone. He made his way out of the room, smiling at Noah the whole time until he walked out the door. As soon as he was out of sight, Noah’s artificial smile faded and he rubbed his temples in frustration as he stood up.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” He said, frustrated, but proud of his academy award winning performance as someone who still cared about James, which hadn’t been true for quite some time.

He marched out visitors room with the hope that his former flame could convince Fernando, the leader of their gang and his biological father, to help him out.

Meanwhile, In Kingston Ontario

“Travis! Hurry up, you’re taking forever!” Tammy screamed, pounding her tiny fists against the bathroom door.

“Leave me alone!” I shouted over the sound of the running water in the shower.

“But I’ve gotta goooooo!” She persisted, continuing to pound on the door.

“Don’t care, go away!” I screamed back.

“You’re selfish!” She yelled.

“And you’re annoying!” I replied.

The sound of her whining and door rattling ceased so I assumed that she had given up, and I went back to enjoying my nice warm shower.  As I was washing the conditioner out of my hair the water suddenly turned ice cold, causing me to shriek like Janet Leigh in Pyscho.

“Tammy, turn the water off!” I hollared, shivering in the corner of the bathtub. I received  no answer, so I shouted again, “Turn it off!”

Still, I received no response.

“Fucking Eh!” I cursed, begrudgingly reaching my arm into the cold stream of water and turning the tap off. I hopped out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my waist, put my glasses on and stomped into the living room where I could see Tammy standing in the kitchen in front of the sink, running the taps with a devilish smile on her face.

“Are you kidding me?!” I erupted.

“I told you I had to go!” She answered, running through the living room past me and into the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.

“I hope you know that when I get my own place, it’s gonna be a kids free zone!” I shouted at the bathroom door, only for Tammy to reply with a shrill shriek.

“You left the toilet seat up!” She screamed, much to my delight.

“Ha! Good! Karma’s a bi.....” My sentence trailed off as I turned around to see Tom standing right behind me, “.....bit of an inconvenience.”

“Nice save, Travis,” He glared, looking me up and down, “Go put some clothes on, nobody needs to see that.”

“Don’t make me drop this towel and ruin your day,” I threatened. I couldn’t help but notice he was in his work clothes, instead of his church clothes and inquired,

“Why aren’t you dressed for church?”

“I can’t go to church today,” He replied.

“HEATHEN!” I gasped.

“Hey, I’ve got important stuff to do today,” He justified.

“What could be more important than the Lord?” I guilted.

“If you must know, I’ve got some guys coming in to dismantle the furnace and take it away,” He replied, “The owner of the building is selling off the metal.”

“You’re getting rid of the furnace?” I raised an eye brow.

“Yeah, we’re gonna repurpose the room into something more useful. Maybe a laundry room. That old things not doing anything but taking up space and this place doesn’t need one any ways, we have a hot water boiler. It should have been gotten rid of years ago. Plus, it’s a safety hazard,” Tom replied.

“Then why did we bother cleaning it out?” I asked.

“Because it was stinking up the room and you have to clean it out before they can remove it! Don’t you know anything about anything?” Tom spat.

“No, Tom, I’m an idiot! Don’t you remember that? You remind me of it all the time,” I spat back.

“Travis, why aren’t you dressed?” My mom asked, entering the living room in her church attire; a simple purple dress and white cardigan, her hair pulled back as usual, “We have to leave soon if we’re gonna catch the bus.”

“The bus?” I groaned, “I don’t want to take the bus, it’s freezing outside!”

“Well, I’m sorry but we don’t have any choice and….ya know, it’s really hard to talk to you when you’re wearing nothing but a towel,” My mom said.

“I lived inside you for 9 months, is it really that big of a deal?” I asked.

“Good point. Now go put some clothes on,” She replied.

“Can’t Tom drive us there before the guys come to take the furnace away?” I suggested.

“Not enough time, I’m on my way out the door,” Tom replied.

“Well then, how about I drive your van? I do have my learners permit, after all,” I said.

“HA!” Tom laughed in my face, “The day I let you drive my van is the day pigs fly out of my-“

Tom’s sentence was cut off by the sound of a text being delivered to his phone.

“Oh! They’re here,” He said, looking down at his phone and heading for the door, “Have a good time at Church, pray for me and DON’T TOUCH MY TRUCK, TRAVIS!”

“Love you, too!” I waved goodbye as he slipped on his boots and walked out the door.

“Honey, seriously, go get dressed, we don’t have a lot of time,” My mom sighed, before shouting, “Tammy! Hurry up!”

“I’M STUCK IN THE TOILET!” Tammy screamed, much to my amusement.

“Oh, for the love of God…” My mom rolled her eyes, heading for the bathroom to help Tammy out.

I headed for my bedroom to get dressed in my Goodwilll church suit and wrapped myself in the warmest sweater I had before we made out way out into the cold to wait for the bus and we made our way to the church.

After the service, it was time for my least favorite activity: confession.

 “Forgive me father for I have sinned,” I began, with as much sincerity as I could muster, “It has been seven days since my last confession and in that time I have lied, lusted, used blasphemy, cursed, disobeyed my parents,  been self righteous and masturbated….a lot. I’m sorry and I hope you accept my repentance on behalf of the Lord.”

“You do not sound particularly sorry,” The priest replied through the checkered window of the confessional booth. He could probably tell by my voice that I was the same person who had repented for the exact same things last Sunday.

“I am,” I insisted.

“The lord knows whether or not you are truly repentant,” He continued, “You can be dishonest with me, and with yourself, but there’s no fooling Him.”

 “I’m not trying to fool anyone,” I tried to convince.

“Do you find yourself committing these sins on a regular basis?” He asked.

“Well...I mean, yeah,” I admitted.

“And you know that God doesn’t approve of it, right?” He questioned.

“Yes,” I nodded.

“Then why do you keep doing it?” He inquired.

“Because it’s....it’s just…really, really hard to stop,” I answered.

“If it were easy, everyone would do it. There is no room in His kingdom for rebellious souls,” The priest scolded, “The Lord has shown mercy on you, now you must repay him with your obedience.”

“But God loves me no matter what, right?” I sought approval.

“He loves the sinner, not the sin,” The priest said, “The Lord wants to keep you out of harms way.”

“Father, with all due respect, I think that the things I do are pretty harmless,” I rationalized.

 “You are not the one who gets to decide that,” The priest replied, “And a person who is truly sorry does not try to reason their way out of repentance.”

“But I’m not hurting anyone,” I tried to justify, “I don’t steal, I don’t rape, I don’t murder, I don’t break the law…”

“God’s law is more important than mans. All sin is equal,” The priest said.

“I just don’t see the point of denying myself something that brings me pleasure as long so long as no one gets hurt,” I tried to defend.

“You’re hurting yourself. Is temporary pleasure in this life time worth more to you than eternal salvation?” The priest asked.

Damn. I should have known that was coming.

“Well...no...” I frowned.

“Is temporary pleasure worth eternal damnation in hell?” He asked point blank.

“No. It’s not,” I answered quietly.

“If you want forgiveness, then you must change. Turn away from your sin and let God guide you. He doesn’t want to punish you but he will if you continue on this self righteous path,” He advised.

“What if I can’t change?” I asked.

“Everyone can change,” The priest insisted.


 I decided that this was a losing battle and chose to admit defeat.

“You’re right. I’ll try to do better from now on,” I lied.

“Please do my child. 10 hail Marys for you. Give thanks to the Lord for he is good,” the priest concluded.

“For His mercy endures forever. Thank you,” I said, crossing myself one last time before exiting the booth.

“That was fast,” My mom said as I stepped out.

“I’ve been a good boy,” I smiled as she made her way into the booth to confess her own sins. Tammy was running around wildly, chasing some other kid her age through the pews and I kept one eye on her as I took out my phone to check my messages.  I saw that I had a new text from Noah, a response to one I had sent earlier that morning when I woke up.

Me: Hey J

Noah: yo yo

Me: *BUZZ* What is, a toy from the late 90’s, Alex!

Noah:  ……huh???

Me: Nothing lol

Noah:  who’s alex?

Me: No one, never mind, it was a joke. What’s up?

Noah: nm, u?

Me: God, mostly

Noah: ??????

Me: I’m at church lol

Noah: srsly?

Me: Seriously.

Noah: u r so angelic, it makes me sick

Me: Thanks man Lol Can I ask for a favor?

Noah: k

Me: Can you come pick me up from church? It’s so cold, I don’t wanna freeze my nuts off out there

Noah: I cant, im not in the city right now.

Me: L

Noah: sory baby

Me: It’s okay L where are you?

Noah: out

Me: Out where? Lol

Noah: out

Me:  Oh, no! You’re with your other boyfriend, aren’t you? Lol I knew you were too good to be true

Noah: lol

Me: When do you think you’ll be home?

Noah: idk like 2 hours

Me: Do you wanna hang out?

Noah: k

Me: Is everything okay?

Noah: meh

Me: ‘Meh’?

Noah: idk

Me: What’s wrong?

Noah: idk

Me: Did I do something wrong?

Noah: no baby.

Me: So, what’s up?

Noah: idk

Me: That’s  not helpful lol

Noah: sorry, im just dealing with some shit.

Me: Such as?

Noah:  nothing

Me: You’re not making any sense lol

Noah: im just stressed out.

Me: About what?

Noah: im fine, u don’t need to worry. Sorry for worrying u. im fine. I promise.

Me: Do you want to see me? I’ll leave you alone if that’s what you want….

Noah: I wanna c u

Me: Good J Cuz I wanna see you too

Noah: just don’t be shocked when u see my face, ok?

Me: What’s that supposed to mean? I love your face lol

Noah: u’ll see.  later

Me: Okay. Later.

When we arrived back at the apartment, I was so anxious to see Noah again that I was basically counting down the minutes on the clock. Once it had been two hours, I didn’t even bother going home to change out of my suit before going up to his apartment and knocking on the door.
As it creaked open, my smile faded into an expression of shock and I couldn’t help but clasp my hand over my mouth.

“Holy shit!” I gasped at the sight of Noah’s black eye, split lip that ran all the way down his chin and a gash on his forehead. He looked like he had gone one on one with Flloyd Mayweather in the ring and lost. He was also sporting a thick layer of scruff around his face, indicating that he probably hadn’t shaved since the last time he saw me. His wounds also appeared to be in the late stages of healing, meaning that they had probably occurred shortly after the last time he saw me.

“I told you not to be shocked,” he sighed, stepping  a side and holding the door open for me.

“What happened?!” I asked as I walked inside.

“I tripped,” He answered.

“Into someone’s fist? Repeatedly?”

“You know that fucked up carpet at the top of the stairs that Tom refuses to replace?” He said, closing the door behind me, “I tripped over that. Fell down the stairs. Landed flat on my face.”

“Does it hurt?” I asked, cupping his chin in my hand.

“It does when you touch it!” He exclaimed, swatting my hand away.

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, wrapping both hands around his waist, “How ironic. You can get tattooed for hours but touching a bruise makes you flinch.”

“Yeah. Ironic,” He said flatly.

“Why didn’t you just take the elevator?” I asked.

“I wanted to get some exercise,” He exhaled, putting both arms around my shoulders and pulling me in, hugging me with his cheek resting on the top of my head, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” I replied, my head resting on his chest, “Are  you okay?”

“Mmmm-hmmm,” he answered, swaying back and forth as he gripped me tightly.

“You sure? You were being kind of short with me this morning,” I said.

“I’m okay,” Noah insisted.

“Okay…” I accepted, unwrapping my arms and gently stroking the fuzz on his chin with my thumb, “It’s a little late for No Shave November, don’t you think?”

“It really hurt when I tried to shave my face, so I gave up,” he shrugged, taking his arms off of my shoulders.

“Your facial hair grows REALLY fast,” I noted as I took my coat off and hung it on the back of the door.

“I’m a combination of two of the hairiest ethnicities on the planet, what do you expect?” He said as we made our way over to the couch.

“So, what are we doing today?” I asked, sitting next to him on the couch and tucking my legs underneath me.

“Chillin’,” He shrugged, grabbing the remote. I could feel that something was wrong between us. He was being distant.

“You know, I’m kinda digging you with the bruises and the facial hair,” I flirted, “Makes you look tough.”

“Guess I wasted my time and money working out and getting all these tattoos then,” He replied, missing my flirtation by a mile.

‘Well. That didn’t work. Plan B.’

“You know what I think is funny?” I asked, resting my hand on his thigh.

“What?” Noah replied, still staring at the TV.

“The phrases ‘Forgive me father for I have sinned’ and ‘Sorry, daddy, I’ve been bad’ sound very similar, but have wildly different meanings,” I said innocently.

Noah continued staring at the TV, disinterested

“Noah!” I said, grabbing the remote from him.

“What?” He said, dumbly.

”What’s going on?” I pressured.

“Nothing. I told you already, I’m fine,” He said, trying to grab the remote back.

“No, you’re obviously not,” I said, holding it away from him, “What’s the matter with you?”

“It’s nothing you need to worry about, okay? I’m fine,” Noah said, continuing to try and grab the remote. I put the remote under my legs so he couldn’t try and get it again.

“How am I supposed to be in a relationship with you if you don’t feel like you can talk to me?” I asked.

“Oh, jesus fucking christ!” Noah groaned in frustration, “Travis, I’m already stressed out as it is, I don’t need you breaking my balls, okay?”

“So talk to me!” I insisted, “How am I supposed to help you when you wont even tell me what’s bothering you?”

“Because you can’t help me!” He shouted, startling me a bit.

“I can try,” I insisted.

“No, you can’t,” He sighed, “Please, just let me deal with my stress, my way and give me back the fucking remote.”

“No,” I said definitely.

“Travis, stop being a brat,” He said angrily.

“Make me,” I shot back. He tried to reach under my legs and grab the remote, but I fought back. Un-intentionally, and without thought, I accidentally formed a fist and punched him in the arm as he tried to get it away from me.

“Seriously?!” He exclaimed, wrapping my right wrist and left shoulder and forcing me onto my back on the couch, “What the fuck was that?!”

“You started it,” I spat.

“I didn’t start shit! You just hit me!” He said in disbelief .

“Do something about it,” I challenged.

Noah let go of my shoulder and pressed his fingers against my cheeks, forcing my lips into an involuntary pucker, re-positioning himself so that he was practically laying on top of me.

“Do something about it?” He repeated angrily, “Do something about it?”

I tried to speak but I was un-intelligible with my lips pressed together that way.

“What?” He said, letting my face go.

“I said,” I answered, staring him in the eyes, “You’re not gonna do shit.”

He squinted his eyes angrily as he stared down at me.

“You think so?” He taunted.

“Prove me wrong,” I stare back at him. He reached down and gently removed my glasses from my face.

“These look expensive,” He said, placing them cautiously on the coffee table, “I wouldn’t want to break them.”

Noah he slowly turned his head to look down at me.

“Say that phrase that sounds like Forgive me father, I have sinned, again,” He requested.

“Sorry, daddy, I’ve been bad,” I pouted.

“And what do you think I should do about that?” He asked, looking me up and down.

“Punish me…” I coaxed, moving my hand over to the crotch of his jeans and gripping it gently. He moved his hand down and took a hold of my tie, twisting it around his hand so that it tightened around my throat.

“Beg for it,” He demanded as the collar of my neckwear tensed against my esophagus.

“Please….please…punish me, daddy,” I pleaded, massaging his growing bulge more aggressively as he tugged at my tie harder, choking me.

“You call that begging?” He taunted, cutting off my air even more.

“Please…please…” I panted with the last ounce of air in my lungs, before tapping out. He quickly loosened his grip and allowed me to catch my breath.

“Why did you hit me?” He asked.

“You were getting too rough,” I frowned.

“I thought you liked it rough,” He replied.

“I do…” I admitted.

“How would you like it if I hit you?” He asked.

Now there’s an idea.

“I’d probably like it,” I admitted. Noah stared down at me and took a deep breath, before getting off me. I got nervous until he leaned back on the couch before commanding, “Take your fucking clothes off.”

“Who do you think you’re bossing around?” I scoffed. Noah grabbed my tie and literally yanked me off the couch.

“You wanna get fucking tough with me?” He said, forcing me onto my knees infront of him on the couch, “You think you’re tough?”

“No…” I admitted.

“I can’t hear you!” He demanded.

“No!” I said louder.

“No?” Noah repeated, tightening his grip on my tie, “You gonna start fucking listening, then?”

I nodded.

“Good,” Noah said, letting me go and pushing me away from him, “Now, I told you to take your fucking clothes off, so do it.”

I leaned back and slowly removed my shirt.

“Keep your tie and shoes on,” He demanded. I obligated and eventually sat in front of him wearing nothing but my converse and black tie.

“Get  back on your fucking knees,” He instructed, and I did as I was told as he undid his pants and slid them down, before continuing, “Cross your wrists behind your back.”

Once again, I complied.

“I know, I don’t…” I began to say, but he cut me off by grabbing me by the throat.

 “Did I tell you you could fucking talk?” He asked, compressing my throat. I sat quietly, stunned.

“You gonna do what I say?” He asked, loosening his grip on my throat ever so slightly. Still stunned, I sat quietly.

“I asked you question,” He stated firmly. I thought for a moment, then nodded.

“Yeah?” He said, caressing my cheek, “You want daddy to punish you?”

“Mmm-hmmm…” I nodded. He removed himself from the couch and got down to eye level with me.

“Do you remember your safe word?” He asked, breaking character.

“Yes,” I replied.

“If I go to far, just say it and I’ll stop, okay?” He said tenderly.

“Okay,” I nodded again. He continued to run his hand across my cheek while asking,

“You like it rough?”

“Mmm-hmmm,” I agreed happily.

“Yeah?” He said, before swatting me across the face, “You sure?”

It took me a moment to catch my breath, but I was sure that I liked it.

“Yeah…” I whimpered, before another smack was delivered to my face.

“I can’t hear you,” He encouraged, holding onto me by my hair.

“I like it rough,” I exhaled, only to receive another slap.

“That’s not good enough, make me believe it,” He replied, holding his hand infront of my face, ready to slap it again.

“I like it rough, daddy,” I breathed, to his satisfaction. He grabbed my tie again, yanking my tie upwards and tightening it. Once my lungs had run out of air, I tapped his knee so he would let go, allowing me to take in a huge gulp of air.

“I never knew how much I liked being choked until you started doing it,” I exhaled, massaging my neck.

“I never knew how much I liked being called Daddy until you started doing it,” He replied, pulling his shirt off and letting it fly behind the couch, “I think you should suck me off.”

“Happily,” I agreed, kneeling infront of him and taking him in my mouth.

“Damn…” Noah sighed as he let his head fall back. I ran my tongue length wise up and down his dick while rested his hand on the back of my head, before wrapping my lips around the head  taking it down my throat as far as I could, for as long as I could.

“Fuck, baby,” He groaned, guiding my head up and down as I sucked his cock like it was my last meal on death row, “If you keep this up, I’m gonna cum right down your throat….”

 “Mmm, I’d like that,” I moaned my agreement, before spiting a generous amount of saliva on his cockhead, rubbing it in, “But you need to fuck me first, okay?”

“Abso-fucking-lutely,” Noah agreed as he pulled me onto his lap. I put my hands on his shoulders and placed my legs on either side of his waist, with my knees bent and my shoes on the leather cushions.

“I’ve never had sex on a couch before,” I remarked as he lined himself up.

“First time for everything…” He mumbled, placing his hand on my hip and slowly lowering me onto his dick, gradually sinking lower and lower until I was sitting directly on his lap, much to his amazement.

“Wow,” he breathed, “You took the whole thing in one stroke.”

“Gets easier every time,” I said proudly, as I rocked my hips back and forth

“You’re still tight as hell,” Noah replied, looking down, watching my ass take his dick as I slowly raised and lowered myself.

“You like watching your big dick go in my ass, daddy?” I asked as I moved up and down.

“Holy shit,” Noah smirked.

“What?” I asked, suddenly feeling self conscious of my dirty talk.

“You say the nastiest shit and I fucking love it!” He smiled, giving me a hard kiss, squashing my insecurity, as he smacked my ass, “And yes, I do.”

“ I like it when you spank me,” I grinned as I continued bouncing on his dick.

“Go a little faster and I might do it again,” Noah challenged. I accepted this condition and quickened my pace, raising myself up a little higher each time, then letting myself drop back down as hard as gravity would allow.

“Like that?” I breathed as I bucked on him like I was riding a mechanical bull.

“Just like that, baby,” Noah groaned, his hand smacking my ass again as promised.

“I love how you fuck me,” I exhaled, bouncing on him, “Spank me again.”

He obliged, giving me a pleasurable swat before grabbing me and throwing me on my back with zero effort.

“You’re really light,” He said, pushing into me once more.

“Fuck!” I gasped as Noah thrust deep into me, fucking me missionary style.

“Is that good baby?” He asked.

“Mmm-hmmm,” I agreed, wrapping my legs around him.

“Yeah? Who’s the boss?” He asked, holding me by the throat with one hand, stopping short of actually choking me.

“You, daddy,” I groaned, digging my nails into his back.

“I can’t hear you,” Noah breathed into my ear, his hot tanned body pressed against my pale thin frame.

“You’re the boss, daddy...” I moaned louder, “You’re the fucking boss...”

“Yeah?” Noah said, releasing his grip on my throat, running his hand down my torso to grip my hip, “You want it harder?”

“Mmm-hmmm,” I nodded.

“That’s not how we ask for things we want,” Noah reminded me.

“Please fuck me harder,” I whimpered, to which Noah happily obliged.

“Fuuuuuckk...” I groaned as he pounded into me.

 “Do you like it when daddy is rough with you?” He asked, caressing my cheek.

“Yes,” I agreed, my eyes still closed.

“Yeah?”  He leaned in closer to my ear and whispered, “You wanna go further?”

“Yes,” I agreed.

“Just say the safe word and I’ll stop, okay?” He reminded me.

“I know, daddy,” I agreed. Noah let go of my throat and lifted himself up, supporting himself in a plank position, hovering above me.

“Tell daddy you like being his fuck toy,” he commanded, staring down at me intensly.

“I like being your little fuck toy, daddy,” I groaned. Then, I suddenly felt his palm swat me across the cheek, harder then before .

“You like that?”

I had to consider it for a second. Yes, it DID hurt but...in a good way.

“Yes,” I reassured him.

“You sure?” He asked.

“I’m sure, daddy,” I assured him again.

“Yeah?” He smiled, lifting himself up and hovering above me once more, “You want me to fuck you harder?”

“Yes,” I agreed, doe-eyed and innocent. His hand swatted me across the cheek again.

“Answer me properly when I fucking talk to you,” He barked, holding my jaw in place

“Please go harder, daddy,” I groaned. Noah complied, hammering me intensely while I gasped and moaned beneath him, grabbing my own dick to jerk off while he plowed me.

 “Keep talking dirty to me, baby,” he demanded.

Ah. My favourite J

“Your dick feels so good in my fuck hole, daddy,” I panted.

 “Oh my god...” He groaned, obviously pleased with my choice of words, “Keep going…”

“Punish me…” I gasped, “Punish me…”

“God damn,” He groaned, gripping my hips tightly, his face pressed into my neck, “I love fucking you, baby.”

“Mmm,hmmm” I moaned, closing my eyes once more, “You gonna shoot a big load in my ass?”

“Beg me for it...” He breathed, “Tell daddy how bad you want it.”

“So bad....” I moaned.

He positioned himself above me I suddenly felt his hand strike me across the face.

“I said BEG, you slut,” He challenged.

“Please daddy,” I moaned, rocking my hips back and forth to meet his thrusts, “Please cum in my fucking ass…”

Again, his hand connected with my face.

“Shit...” I groaned

“Tell daddy how it feels,” he demanded, massaging my reddened cheek

“Good...” I gasped.

“What feels good?” Noah questioned.

“Being your little fuck toy, daddy,” I moaned.

“Yeah?” Noah grunted, striking the other side of my face, “You like it when daddy punishes you?”

“I love it,” I sighed, feeling my release approaching.

“I love punishing you, too baby,” He exhaled, “I love watching you get off on it.”

“Mmmm....” I whimpered, my orgasm building, “I’m getting close, daddy...”

“Cum for me, baby,” He groaned, his own climax approaching.

 “Yes...yes...” I gasped, breathlessly.

“Say my name, baby,” Noah groaned, leaning close to my face.

“Noah...Noah...” I panted, “Oh my god, Noah....fuck....fuck...”

“Tell daddy how much you love his cock,” He demanded, reaching the peak of his own elation.

“I love your cock, Noah...I love your cock...I love your fucking cock....” I gasped, pumping my hand up and down my dick as cum began shooting out onto my stomach, “Oh my god! Oh my fucking god...Noah...Noah...”

“Shit...” Noah gasped, holding onto me tightly as I felt him releasing himself into my ass, “Shit....oh, fuck....oh my fucking god...oh my fucking god, I fucking love you!”

I squeezed his body against mine as we both climaxed at the same time, exclaiming obscenities so loud the people on the next floor probably heard us. We slowly drifted back down to reality after we had both completely drained ourselves, and he laid on top of me in a breathless sweaty mess as we both tried to catch our breath.

“Wow...” I  panted, running my hand up his perspiration covered back, “That was........wow.”

Noah laid ontop of me, still catching his breath, which was understandable considering that he had done most of the word.

“I...I really needed that,” He sighed, kissing his way up my neck, to my face, eventually landing on my lips, “You are so nasty. I fucking love it.”

“Yeah...” I smiled, kissing him back, “You’re pretty nasty yourself.”

“I love everything about you...” He complimented, kissing his way back down to my neck, stopping at my ear, “I really do...”

He lifted himself up, hovering above me.

“Did you hear what I said?” He asked.

“You said a lot of stuff…” I looked up at him nervously. I didn’t want to over-react, understanding that things could often be said in the heat of the moment that weren’t necessarily true.  He cupped my face in his hands and stared down at me purposefully.

“I said I love you,” He repeated. I stared up at him, the words caught in my throat. He laid on top of me patiently stroking my hair until I could speak again.

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Definitely,” He said, then stared down at me, waiting for an answer, but I was mute. I wanted to say it back. I felt it too. But it just wouldn’t come out. We laid there until it became downright awkward and he slowly got off of me. We quietly got dressed in a room filled with so much tension it could be cut with a thread.

“Do you feel  a little less stressed out now?” I asked.

“Hmm…” Noah non-answered, putting his pants back on.

“Do you have a towel? I kinda came a lot and it went everywhere,” I chuckled.

“In the bathroom,” He answered shortly. I stared at him and felt anger building in me.

“Um…can I have it?” I asked.

“For fucks sake…” Noah cursed, standing up and stomping to the bathroom. He returned with a towel and handed it to me.

“Is it really that hard for you to walk 20 steps?” He asked. I dried myself off and began to put my clothes on.

“So, you’re back to being in a bad mood now?” I said.

“Yeah, well, since you’re back to being a brat it only seems fair,” He said, zipping up his pants and standing up. He grabbed his cigarettes off the table and lit one.

“You know…” I said, putting my glasses back on, “For someone who claims to…ya know…feel what you said you feel…you sure aren’t acting like it.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t say it back so why does it matter?” He exhaled a cloud of smoke.

“It matters because I have my reasons,” I answered.

“K,” He answered, grabbing the long forgotten about remote and fiddling with the TV.

“I told you what my ex did,” I reminded him, “I think you of all people should understand why I’m hesitant…”

“I’m not your ex, Travis,” Noah said, staring at the TV, “Just because Ryan stuck his dick in everybody else doesn’t mean I’m going to.”

“It’s about more than that,” I continued, “Ryan lied to me, he hid things from me, all while looking me dead in my eyes and telling me that he loved me.”

“What’s your point?” Noah said.

“My point is that you’re hiding things from me too,” I answered, “You never told me you took medication, you waited until your back was pressed up against the wall to tell me that you used to have a drug problem and that you were in prison. Now, something is obviously bothering you and you’re refusing to tell me what’s wrong. How am I supposed to be honest with you when you’re not honest with me?”

Noah slowly turned his head and glared at me.

“Who told you I’m on medication?” He said seriously.

Oh, fuck nuggets.

I sat silently,un-able to think of an excuse.

“Did you go through my shit?” He asked.

Again, I had no answer.

“Travis!” He snarled at me.

“I just…I was just…” I tried to defend.

“Trying to what?!” He snapped, standing up, “Find something to use against me?!”

“No!” I gasped.

“Really? It sure sounds like it,” He said, throwing down the remote, “I didn’t tell you any of that shit because it’s none of your fucking business! I don’t need to tell you every fucking detail of my life because you’re better off not knowing! What good will it do you? So you can throw it in my face like you just did? Call me a fucking meth addict and tell me I’d be nothing without you?”

“I never said that!” I shouted back, “I just want you to tell me what the fuck is going on with you!”

“I cant!” Noah screamed back.

“WHY NOT?” I screamed louder, standing up with him.

“BECAUSE….” His voice started off loud, then slowly lowered in volume, “Because you…could never understand.”

“Why not?” I repeated, quieter this time.

“Because you’re…” Noah shook his head, “You’re you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“You…” Noah slowly sank back down into the couch, “You have a real family. I don’t. You have a future. I don’t. You have so much to lose. The only thing I have to lose is you. But you’re so immature you don’t even have the balls to say you love me because your little high school boyfriend broke your heart. You’re a kid.”

He sighed and repeated himself again,

“You’re just a kid.”

I stood there quietly, not sure of what to say. Noah broke the silence for me.

“I shouldn’t have said that I lo…that, I love…forget it. I shouldn’t have said it,” He grabbed the remote again.

“Noah, I’m not gonna say it back until you can be honest with me,” I answered. Noah stared blankly at the TV.

“Then I guess you’re never gonna say it back,” He answered. We stood there in limbo until I grabbed my coat.

“Call me when you’re ready to be honest,” I said, walking away from him.

“Call me when you grow up,” He shot back. I put on my shoes and angrily stomped out the door.