Not Great at Winning
Wen had been right about one thing: Jamie was a leaver. Upon his return to Sunny Hill, without seeking him out directly, Hearst had heard through the grapevine that Jamie had terminated the lease on his rental and left for who knew where. At any point, he could start an investigation of his own, following the trail until it ran cold, but he didn’t want to do that. If Jamie had thought he had one reason, no matter how tiny, to stay, he would’ve done so. Hearst didn’t live with the illusion that he could be that reason, and reality had proved him right. Jamie hadn’t even thought of him once while getting on his bike and riding off to an unknown destination.
At least he had his studying to think about. Graduation was right around the corner, and he had no time to daydream and mope over Jamie. Nolan had called him once to tell him how they had settled the matter with the producers of LiveFeed. Upon closer inspection, it seemed that the powers that be had realized quickly that they didn’t have a leg to stand on if they intended to go the trial route. The mischievous lawyer had laughed while disclosing to Hearst that he had also threatened to reveal that they had tried to coerce a young man into sharing lewd intimate details and that he had the evidence to prove it.
That had been his plan B, in case the contestants who had been wronged decided not to unionize and bring down the assholes that had tried to exploit them. Baiting Angus into using the accounts of Cottontail’s amazing confessions about his sex adventures with Jamie wouldn’t have been hard. And then, he would’ve gotten into really hot water over it.
In a way, Hearst regretted that things hadn’t gotten that far. He wanted to prove himself to Jamie, and that had been his only chance. But life didn’t play out according to script, and he didn’t mind it. In the end, he had saved Jamie in his own way, even if the praise didn’t go to him. It was fair. Nolan had done his best and gotten the best deal for all the tricked contestants, while securing a nice fee for himself.
All was well when it ended well. Right? Hearst huffed and rubbed his eyes, pushing his glasses up. He hated studying, to be honest, not because he was unable to learn, but because he found it all very boring.
He quirked an eyebrow when he noticed the name of a caller. “Hello sir,” he said right away.
Nolan chuckled from the other end. “This is a private conversation. You can just call me Nolan.”
“Okay,” Hearst said, straightening up.
“Do you know how to make coffee?” Nolan asked him directly.
“Um, I’m not great at it. I know how to order it, though.”
Nolan laughed again. “Good enough. What are your plans after graduation?”
“I don’t really have a plan. I’ll have to find work.”
“You are a bit of an investigator, aren’t you?”
Hearst felt more and more confused by this line of questioning. “I don’t know if I would say that.”
“Come on, don’t be modest,” Nolan encouraged him. “I know for a fact that you used to run a publication on campus, one that dealt with the unsavory business the other students got up to on a regular basis.”
“Who told you that?” Hearst took off his glasses and narrowed his eyes. Strong emotions could put a strain on eyesight, as well.
“You know who did,” Nolan said. “Anyway, if you’re interested, I have a job opening.”
“Really? What sort of job?”
“Secretary slash research assistant slash private investigator.”
“It sounds like I’m going to have my plate full.”
“Would you rather have an empty plate before you?” Nolan challenged him.
“Good point. Well, if you can wait until I graduate, I’ll be your secretary slash research assistant slash private investigator.”
“Excellent. I’m a fair employer, so I trust you won’t have many things to complain about.”
“Even if I do, I’ll use you to gain experience,” Hearst replied in kind. Although his interactions with Nolan Wicklow had been brief and few, he had quickly understood what sort of person Jamie’s brother was.
“That’s fair,” Nolan replied. “Good luck on your exams, then.”
“Wait,” Hearst said hurriedly. “When Jamie talked to you about me, how did he sound? Was he upset? Was he… I don’t know, how was he?”
“You’ll have to ask him that,” Nolan said. “You still have his number, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So call him.”
Hearst stared at his phone screen for a while, long after his conversation with his future employer ended. Nolan hadn’t showed any sign of being surprised when Hearst disclosed his involvement with Jamie, in the context of taking down LiveFeed. That show was dead and buried, succumbing under the weight of public outrage that was still ongoing, even though everyone who’d gotten a deal had been asked to sign an NDA. Apparently, the producers should’ve thought of having the other participants sign such waivers, too, because after everything went down they came out with interesting details about the show in the hope of garnering more followers on their social media.
What goes around comes around, Hearst thought while struggling to muster the courage to call Jamie. Nolan was right to advise him to ask Jamie about his feelings himself, but just saying it didn’t work miracles.
Maybe later, when they had become old acquaintances, talking about the past would come more naturally. Even if he went to work for Nolan, the chances were that Jamie wouldn’t stay in contact with his brother much. That would give him time to prepare for any possible meeting.
***
“Congratulations,” someone called out to him from behind, making him turn on his heel, too surprised to think about running.
Hearst stared nonplussed at Jamie, taking in his gorgeous body as he leaned against his bike. He was smiling and looked every bit as good as Hearst remembered, in a sleeveless tee and jeans that hugged his hips just right.
“What?” Hearst asked, forgetting that he was supposed to be this smart guy who wasn’t easily taken aback by visits from ex-boyfriends. No, that wasn’t right; Jamie had never been his boyfriend to begin with. Nor had he ever had any boyfriends.
Jamie looked at him, a puzzled smile stretching his lips. “You graduated, right?”
“Oh, yeah, that, yeah, of course. I managed to scrape by in the end.” Hearst shifted his weight from one foot to the other. They were right outside his dorm, which begged the question: how did Jamie know where his room was? “Ah, by the way, thanks. Your brother offered me a job.”
Jamie shrugged and pushed himself off his bike. Hearst wasn’t so sure how close he wanted Jamie to be, so he took a few overly conscious steps back.
“What’s going on? Are you afraid the big bad wolf is going to eat you, little rabbit?” Jamie drawled without halting his advance.
Hearst glued his back against the wall and threw a forlorn look at the entrance to his dorm building. He should’ve just run inside the moment he’d noticed Jamie. After all, rabbits were known for being easily scared. No one could say that he was acting out of character.
Jamie boxed him in, placing his muscular arms on the wall on either side of his head and staring him in the eyes. Hearst wasn’t sure whether that situation signaled danger or not, or what sort of danger. It all felt very new to him. If he hadn’t known any better, he would have assumed that Jamie was putting on a charming act to get him to—
Well, that was where his mind stopped and drew a blank.
“Why are you here?” he blurted out, hoping that words would be enough to stop Jamie from doing whatever he intended to do, which wasn’t clear.
“I’m in the mood for rabbit,” Jamie teased him further.
Was Jamie going to kiss him? No, no, that would be insane. The campus was full of people at this hour, as everyone was getting ready to leave Sunny Hill behind and start their new lives. Someone might see them.
“Cut it out with the bunny jokes,” Hearst demanded, feeling increasingly nervous with Jamie’s proximity. He didn’t even dare to breathe.
“I said ‘rabbit’, not ‘bunny’. I know for a fact that you’ve never put in the least effort to act or look cute.”
“You seem to know an awful lot about me.”
“It’s only natural to want to know as much as I can about the guy who acted all sly only to get to know me. I think he succeeded, so I need to return the favor. Come on,” Jamie said, wrapping one arm around Hearst’s neck and making him walk toward the bike with him, “I’ll buy you a drink.”
“A drink? It’s the middle of the day.”
“Okay, then lunch. And a fuck.”
“What?” Hearst asked, too dumbfounded to manage to get out more than one word.
“Just kidding,” Jamie said. He seemed completely relaxed and didn’t give a damn that he could make a mess out of Hearst’s head only by saying the strangest things in very few words. “By the way, I don’t think we’ve ever been introduced to each other properly.” While still holding Hearst by the shoulders, he offered his hand. “Jamie Wicklow. What’s your real name, rabbit?”
“It’s Hearst. Hearst John Smith.” He snuck his hand out awkwardly to shake Jamie’s; his weird mind was already mapping the experience for creating a memory out of it. He hadn’t thought he’d see Jamie again, except by accident, so being here, walking with him, feeling him seemed at least strange.
“Wow. Your parents realized you’d have like the most common name in the country and thought they’d give you an extravagant moniker to compensate?”
“My dad used to dream about becoming a big publicist. By the way, that never worked out.”
“That’s okay. My family’s pretty messed up, too.”
They stopped by Jamie’s bike. Hearst had no idea what more he could say. Remaining silent was awkward, but despite Jamie’s relaxed attitude, he didn’t feel like making small talk would be the right thing for the two of them.
“Did you know, Jamie? I mean, did you find out? My family got scammed by yours. That’s why my brother was so bent on destroying you. Well, not you, your reputation or something.”
Jamie shrugged. “I didn’t know. That explains a couple of things. I don’t care. I mean, if you want my apologies, I’ll give them to you, but knowing you, I doubt you’d know what to do with them. Or do you happen to be holding a grudge, like your brother?”
“No. I didn’t even know about any of it until he told me, and that happened only recently, after you had already left on tour with LiveFeed. That’s when I knew I had to do something to save you from Wen. Sorry, that came out wrong. You didn’t actually need any saving.”
“That’s not true,” Jamie said. He looked at Hearst, and his eyes smiled along with his mouth. “I did need saving, and I’m glad it was you who did the saving.”
“Your brother did all the work. He’s a good lawyer. I’m happy that I’m going to work for him.” A random thought crossed Hearst’s mind. “I hope this isn’t Nolan’s way of compensating my family for what happened in the past, is it?”
“No. Remember that I didn’t know about our families’ shared history until now. I just told Nolan you’d be of great help, and he said ‘yes’.”
“Was it that simple?”
“Not quite. Lucy – that’s my sister – had to insist that he get an assistant. He has a lot more work on his hands now, so he really does need help. You must’ve made a great impression on him, because once Lucy convinced him he needed to hire someone, he was happy with my suggestion.”
“I don’t think Nolan is quite that easy to make suggestions to,” Hearst murmured.
“You lack self-trust, don’t you, rabbit?”
Hearst snorted. “And that is news how?”
Jamie laughed. “You got yourself a job. Unless you had other plans.”
“No, I had no plans, actually.”
Jamie offered Hearst a shiny new helmet. “Hop on. I hope you don’t have any urgent plans, because it’s going to be a long lunch.”
Why? Hearst wanted to ask. Because fucking was included? He chose not to say anything in the end.
***
Hearst clearly had no idea why they were sitting as they were, having lunch like two old friends. He was overly self-conscious and each bite he took he used as an opportunity to stare at Jamie, as if he needed to ask for permission to eat.
He was indeed, just like a rabbit. Jamie had named Hearst his bunny boy many times in his head, but that wasn’t the best term to describe him. This wasn’t an act for him, and Jamie wanted to get to the bottom of it all. He hadn’t returned to Sunny Hill on graduation day only to see his friends. Rusty and Matty had been stoked to see him, but he had someone particular in mind that he wanted to get reacquainted with.
They were a bit awkward around each other. Jamie was better at hiding it, and he suspected that Hearst had no idea they shared that particular state of mind, which meant that it was up to him to break the ice.
With a rabbit, caution and care had to be employed.
“I didn’t mean what I said back then,” he started. “About you being homely looking.”
“It’s okay,” Hearst replied, staring at his plate. “You weren’t wrong. And you were right to be pissed at me.”
“Are you finished?”
“Yeah.” Hearst removed his hands from the table, hiding them underneath it. “Wasn’t this supposed to be a long lunch?”
“Do you need to pack?” Jamie asked. He needed to be the guy in charge, because Hearst truly looked like a rabbit that was seconds away from a heart attack. “Back at the dorm?”
“Yeah. I was thinking of leaving tomorrow in the morning. I’ll go see my folks before I go work for your brother. Only for a short visit.”
“I’ll give you a hand. But you’re not going to sleep in your old dorm room tonight.”
“What?” Hearst looked up, his eyes big and dumbfounded behind his glasses.
“You heard me. You’re coming with me.”
“Jamie, I’m not sure--”
“Well, I am. Sorry I didn’t bring a crate to carry you in. If I’d known you would be so skittish, I would’ve thought in advance of the proper way to transport you to my place.”
“Where is your place?” Hearst murmured, slowly murdering a napkin with his clenched hands.
“You’ll see,” Jamie replied with a smirk. “Come on. I need to make peace with you, and I can’t do it here, where it’s impossible to let our bodies do the talking.”
Many times before in his life, Jamie hadn’t had a second thought about whether his partners wanted him or not. If they did, that was fine by him. And if they didn’t, it was all the same.
Only now that was different. Now, he felt a smidge nervous about the outcome of this meeting. Hopefully, his playful attitude would put his rabbit boy at ease when accompanied by an adequate amount of coaxing.
***
Hearst said nothing as they got off Jamie’s bike, but he recognized the town. It looked like Jamie enjoyed being close to his family, after all, or at least his brother. That meant that they might meet more than by simple accident, unless Jamie chose to wander again, as it was his way of doing things.
“When did you move here?” he eventually asked.
“Last month,” Jamie explained. “The place is nice enough, although I feel like it’s missing something.”
Hearst didn’t bother to ask what. Was Jamie going to offer him a pity fuck, as a graduation gift? Or a farewell gift? Details weren’t important. He’d get fucked, and he’d be grateful, although it might not be a good idea to let it show.
The studio apartment Jamie invited him into was on the larger side compared to what Hearst had seen until now, and it seemed to have been furnished by someone with a bit of a flair for interior decoration.
He didn’t have time to stare much because Jamie pressed him up against the closed door and kissed him on the lips. It wasn’t a full-fledged kiss yet, because Hearst was in too much shock to react. He had expected it to happen, yet he was still surprised.
“Did I get it wrong?” Jamie asked, his small smile not quite matching his furrowed brow. “You don’t want this?”
“I do,” Hearst admitted, straightening his skewed glasses. “But I need to know what it is. Is this a pity fuck?”
Jamie’s eyes grew wide. “A pity fuck? No, it’s definitely not that.”
“Then it’s a graduation gift?”
“What are you saying?” Jamie was grinning now, his good mood returning. “Do people usually receive a good dicking as a graduation gift?”
“Then maybe, it’s a farewell gift, because we’re never going to see each other again?”
This time, Jamie broke into laughter. “Well, that would be sort of hard because we’ll be bumping into each other plenty. Like I might want to go to the kitchen while you’re about to walk out of there, and, at night, since we’ll be sharing a bed--”
“Sharing a bed?” Hearst tipped his head back so hard he slammed it into the door. He hissed and began rubbing it, but Jamie took his hand away and began rubbing it for him. “What are you saying, Jamie? Will I be living here, with you?”
“If you want to. And I hope you do,” Jamie replied, giving him a kind smile.
“But why? What are we going to be? To each other? Roommates?”
“No, we will be what we already are. Boyfriends.”
“Boyfriends? Since when?”
Jamie shrugged. “I can’t tell you the exact moment it happened. But we’ve been exclusive for a long time, haven’t we? Unless you’ve found someone else, of course. I didn’t.”
“Wow,” Hearst said and came close to bumping his head against the door again.
Jamie made sure to cushion it for him so that didn’t happen. “Can we kiss now? I’m not great at making up, but I’m pretty good at making out. Please, stop making that face. If there’s something wrong, just tell me, and I’ll get the fuck out of your life.”
Hearst couldn’t stop grinning. “Are you nuts? Don’t get the fuck out of my life. I’m also not great at things, so it should work out.”
“What aren’t you great at?” Jamie asked, with a knowing snort.
Hearst shrugged and smiled into his eyes. “I guess I’m not great at winning.”
TBC
Thank you for reading!
@Derek - Although Arthur checks enough boxes to count as the villain, yes, he is trying to push Jamie to succeed. Only that his methods are, well, questionable. As you can see, cooler heads turned pretty hot (ugh, lame pun).
@DavidB - yes, I wanted to have Jamie realize that by the end of the story :) And now his life is richer with more people.
@FCW Reading - thanks a lot, and I knew I was taking a risk by introducing such a quirky character.
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