Intersex: Noun
1: a term used to describe people who are born with biological sex characteristics that don’t fit the binary of male or female. These characteristics can include reproductive organs, anatomy, hormones, or chromosomes. Intersex traits may be apparent at birth, or they may not appear until puberty or adulthood.
Ash
Trevor joined me dancing with a hearty “hell yeah!” I laughed, my boyfriend let everybody know how he felt all the time. I enjoyed that about him. He sank his teeth into the ass of life and refused to let go. He was my inspiration. It took time to let go and relax but Trevor stayed with me, encouraging me to dance with him.
I caught sight of Jal getting down and dirty with a hot Latino stud while Wes found a scruffy blond demigod to rub back against. I did a double take as Lee attracted a tall black Adonis.
Lee didn’t dance beyond shuffling her feet and waving her arms. That much alone started a seismic event in her colossal boobs and her partner could only watch them jiggle, mesmerized. Watching Lee in that moment taught me that dancing was less about how good you were and more about how good you felt. I started dancing for me, and nobody else.
I felt whole for the first time in my life. I finally felt attractive. I usually pushed this feeling down but no more. I went through life thinking that one’s worth was bestowed by others as reward for kindness, generosity, and initiative. Taking it upon oneself was the height of conceit. Feeling good about myself was none of that.
As I assumed more adult responsibility in life, I learned that others depended on me to know my shit. I needed to know in no uncertain terms who I was, what I stood for, what I wanted from life, and what I was prepared to do to get it. I also needed to know what I was unwilling to do and be prepared to stand my ground.
My brain kitties always waited for the other shoe to drop when I was happy. I always overlooked something that bit me on the ass when I least expected it, but now, I felt more present in my own life than I ever had before. I felt wanted, desired, lusted after and that no longer scared me. I quit thinking about it, closed my eyes, and surrendered to the music. I completely forgot about Ricky until I saw him just standing there. I stopped immediately to check on him, a pang of guilt gnawing at me–Trevor’s teeth, maybe? I giggled to myself.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Ricky over the throbbing music.
“Am I clear?” He asked in response. I took in our immediate surroundings and replied “we have some room, you have about three feet around you clear.”
“Perfect!” He beamed. To my breathless astonishment Ricky started dancing. Y’all, this wasn’t foot-shuffling high school dancing (not that I’d know since nobody ever invited me to the school dances but you get the point). Ricky was good, damn good! He was fucking fire! His legs were doing things I never saw before, or even thought possible. I was in awe.
I remembered seeing street dancing like this from watching all those “Step Up” movies with Channing Tatum. Ricky mixed it up too, throwing quick pops, locks, and breaks from Hip-Hop together with the fluid, expressive moves of Funk. He twerked his fine ass until he squatted on his ankles. Then he undulated back to his feet as if he had only one bone in his body (the one that wasn’t holding up anything if you know what I mean). He picked up an audience as the dancers around us stopped to watch Ricky’s moves.
“Holy shit!” Trevor said what I was thinking. I stood in slack jawed silence. I finally got what Lee meant about the dance floor getting hot. Ricky’s sexy moves were getting me damn hot! I forgot all about dancing until he stopped and beckoned with one hand. “Ash!” He shouted over the music.
He took my hand in a firm grasp and twirled me playfully until I fell back in his arms with a whoop of surprise. I shivered at how easily he caught me. Damn, y’all, but Ricky was strong! I knew he was built like a brick shithouse but I did not grasp what that meant until I sensed his effortless strength. He bore me to my feet as if I weighed nothing. After that, he turned to me with this unreadable expression on his face. He caressed my cheek saying, “You are the only one who matters to me.” He smiled, then surprised me again.
Ricky stood behind me and placed his hands on my hips, then moved boldly to slot his crotch in the cleft of my ass. I immediately thought back to last night in his bathroom, when Ricky squeezed past me in the tight space. I felt his bulge then and now I knew for sure–it was no accident.
I immediately got a feel of just what he was packing down there. Oh! My! God! Y’all, Ricky was big all over! Get a grip, Ash. –not that! Don’t get a grip on that!
Anyway, I wanted to see how far Ricky would go, so I wiggled back against his crotch. In response, Ricky snaked his hands around my waist in a clearly possessive gesture. His fingers then took a downward turn over my hip bones, then inward to the inside of my thighs. He framed my crotch with his fingers, not quite touching me there but damn close. I rested my hands on top of his, granting my enthusiastic consent as our hips rocked from side to side with the music. We pumped back and forth, then gyrated suggestively. Ricky called out his moves ahead of time until there was no longer any need. We moved as if with one mind, it was incredibly sensual.
A slower song started so Ricky pulled our bodies tightly together. He rested his lips against my neck and I moaned from deep in my balls as he slid my shirt up my belly, exposing skin for all to admire. I rubbed back against his powerful chest, feeling our hearts beating between us. We were as close to fucking as humanly possible while still on our feet and dressed. I didn’t care who watched. I drew into a private little world with Ricky until reality intruded.
My eyes flew open as Trevor brazenly mashed his crotch against mine. I looked up, momentarily confused as he beamed down at me, cute as a button with a smile full of playful mischief. Ricky felt Trevor’s crotch and growled warningly against my neck. He pulled me tighter against him and attempted to pull us away. I planted my feet against that until he got the message. I reached to pull him tighter against my back. I wiggled my ass against his mound like dangling a carrot, then resumed dancing with Trevor. I smiled as Ricky mashed hard inside my cleft and resumed dancing along with us. Carrot taken, I thought. I would have to follow through on the promise but I didn’t mind. Hell, I was looking forward to it.
Trevor read the nonverbal altercation between me and Ricky and raised an inquisitive eyebrow. I shook my head in response. There would be time to talk, but later. Right now, I just wanted to dance.
We finished up our turn on the dance floor with a celebration of Lady Gaga’s return to her pop roots. The DJ played a set of her biggest hits including “Born This Way” (my personal anthem), “Poker Face”, “Just Dance”, “Bad Romance” and capped off the celebration with her new single, “Abracadabra”. I was drenched with sweat by the time I walked off the dance floor holding hands with both Trevor and Ricky. Nobody gave us a second glance. We picked up drinks at the bar and found our booth. Trevor tossed our soaked shirts on the seat before scooting in next to Shea. Jalan and their dance partner rounded out the table.
“Don’t you boys look cozy!” Shea took in our bare chests with an appreciative smile. Ricky was a muscular beast but Trevor and I showed off our modest gains from the gym proudly.
“Where is Lee?” I wondered.
“Discussing ‘business’ with her new friend. Jalan snickered suggestively.
“I'll bet,” Trevor laughed. “Good for her!”
“This is my friend Angel” Jal pronounced it as in the Spanish ‘ahn-hel’. We shook in greeting and I saw more details about Jal’s dance partner. Angel looked like a swarthy college youth about our age with short, thick black hair and eyes as deep and as rich, as brown in color as cocoa. He could have worked as a fitness model with his smooth, athletic good looks. He might have passed as the kind of boy mothers loved if not for his silvery body piercings and a gorgeous sleeve tattoo of a jungle with wild animals peeping through the leaves. He too went shirtless to show off his art and I have to admit, the real masterpiece was under the tats. He and Jal were very cozy, sipping drinks and laughing at jokes.
“Why don’t you go out and dance, Shea?” I poked her. “We can hold the fort while you’re gone.”
“Thank you, sweety, but I’m a line dancing gal.”
“Charlie’s is more her speed.” Jal added.
“Charlie’s, that’s a honkytonk bar, isn’t it?” Trevor chugged from his water bottle.
“Yes, sir!” Shea beamed.
“Shit, you must feel like a fish out of water here.” Ricky observed.
Shea waved off his concern. “I don’t mind. This is Ash’s night. We’ll do Charlie’s another time.”
“Hey, Ash, tell Shea the story about your mom and Lady Gaga.” Ricky stretched to put his arm around me but Trevor’s arm was already there. He flinched back as if burned, his face a stony mask until, to my shock, Trevor took Ricky by the wrist and slowly settled his arm across my shoulders. Ricky looked profoundly confused but accepted the gesture quietly. Trevor took my free hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze as everyone else perked up, wanting to hear the story. I turned beet red but pushed on, trying to ignore the drama playing out to either side of me.
“Um, yeah,” I squirmed. “I was only five when Lady Gaga came out but my mama loved her. We used to dance around the house singing her songs. Mama used to say I was her ‘little monster’ and she was my ‘Mama Monster’–”
“Wait, that’s not the way you told it earlier,” Ricky poked me. “Tell them what you told us. Come on…”
I could not turn any redder. I licked my dry lips. “Um…Mama could never keep me in clothes when I was little so I danced around the house singing along with Lady Gaga in…um…in my…um, my underwear.”
“Your under…?” Trevor led me to continue, grinning at my embarrassment, the bastard.
“Roos. My Underoos! There, I said it! Are you happy now ya’ rat bastard?” I covered my face as my friends said “aww” in unison, beaming with delight.
“When ‘Born This Way’ came out, she said that was my song. I think she knew about me even then. I think about Mama whenever I hear Lady Gaga.”
“That was so sweet. Where is your mom now?” Angel asked innocently but my mood plunged.
“She passed away when I was 12.” I said.
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” Angel looked chagrined for upsetting me until me and Jal cheered him up.
“So, Ash, whose Underoos did you wear?” Shea brought the mood back up. I hemmed and hawed until their razzing got to be too much. I finally gave up.
“Black Widow!” I huffed. “I dressed up like her one Halloween.”
“It’s that red hair, am I right?” Shea grinned at my nod of confirmation.
“I liked Mystique too but Mama couldn’t get the blue makeup to look right.” I added.
Ricky nudged his glass over to me. I sniffed at it and wrinkled my nose sourly. “I smell alcohol. I’m driving.”
“A sip won’t hurt you, trust me.” He nudged his glass closer another inch. I was curious so I took a sip. I drew back in surprise. “Oh, my god! That. Is. So. Good! What is it?”
“Rum and Coke,” he smiled. “I had a hunch after you told me how you hated the smell of beer. Rum is made with sugar cane, not hops.”
“Now I’m sorry I’m driving.” I took a chance with another quick sip before pushing it back.
“I have more at home.” He waggled his eyebrows cleverly.
How are you scoring all this booze when you’re under age?”
“My Dad,” he revealed. “He let me have a small glass from time to time. He said it was to take away the mystery and the temptation. Every now and then he sends me a bottle of something interesting from his travels.”
“Did it work?” I asked. “Did drinking lose its allure?”
“Kind of,” Ricky thought about it, then broke into a rascally grin. “I became the supplier for my buddies. I made a tidy profit and I was the most popular guy in school.”
I bumped him, giggling “you’re bad.”
He squeezed me against him and growled hotly against my ear, “you have no idea.”
I shivered and leaned closer as he squeezed me, then turned my attention to Trevor. He was watching us with a proprietary little smirk on his face. I didn’t know what the cute butthole was scheming behind his pretty hazel eyes but it had to be x-rated. Trevor had three modes: eat, sleep, and fuck. I sensed a twinge of possessiveness in my gut when his gaze flicked to Ricky but I bit it down. Why am I feeling this way? I admonished myself privately. I pushed past it and kissed his hand. Trevor smiled and slowly licked the spot I kissed. My gut fluttered as visions of Trevor and Ricky doing unspeakably lewd things to me and to each other filled my mind. I opened my mouth to comment on him being such a nasty boy when a shadow suddenly passed over us. I jolted, surprised at who it was. “Alejo? How did you get here!”
“I drove,” he joked. “Actually, I took an Uber. That way I can drink.” He slurred his words. “Seriously? Dumb luck, I guess. I didn’t follow you or anything like that if that’s what you’re thinking.”
He stood unsteady on his feet holding a drink in one hand and an arm slung possessively across the shoulders of a smoking hot black guy. They both glistened beautifully with sweat but Alejo stood in a class of his own, dressing to hunt in a tight white tank shirt with a low cut v-collar, black leather jeans, and biker boots with shiny buckles. A silver Cuban chain necklace glittered around his throat as he took a swallow from his cup. Somehow, Alejo turned the simple act of drinking into a seduction and my balls cramped with desire. My eyes flicked instinctively to his lap where his enormous trouser snake slumbered safely trapped inside sexy black leather. I forced my gaze back up where I saw a knowing little smirk play at the corners of his lips.
“I thought I saw you on the dance floor earlier, putting the moves I taught you to work without me.” He sulked.
“Who is this,” his hookup asked.
“This is Ash, that’s Trevor, they’re my roommates.” Alejo answered. Our group supplied perfunctory introductions when Alejo asked, “when are you headed home?”
I cast a glance around at the group for a consensus. “I don’t know, late maybe?”
Alejo nodded. “I’ll keep a lookout. I can’t promise anything though, we might be a little loud when you get in.” His hookup grinned at that.
Alejo examined me with a mournful pout, “so, you did it.”
I reached self-consciously to my makeup when Trevor pointed out his own. “We all did. We support Ash. It’s too bad you couldn’t join us.”
“I wasn’t invited,” Alejo sloshed his cup with a bitter expression.
“Ash looks great, don’t you think?” Ricky quipped with a big grin. I loved how he was so comfortable in his skin and I remembered to feel good in mine. Alejo took a closer look at Ricky.
“So, this is my replacement? Not bad, I guess. He’s Latino, he’s got the body, I’ll admit, but–” Alejo brazenly rubbed the mound in the front of his jeans, “does he measure up where it counts?”
“I’ve had no complaints,” Ricky’s expression darkened.
Jal wasn’t taking anymore shit. They snapped angrily at Alejo, “Bruh, what the fuck is your problem?”
“You, I remember, Shea, right?” Alejo then looked Jalan over with a dismissive snort. “Yeah, you fit what he told me about you. Ash’s ‘intersex friends’,” he drew air quotes to mark a dubious distinction.
Angel looked uneasily at Jal, “what's going on?” Alejo jumped in quickly with an answer. He threw a questioning look at Jalan.
“What, you didn’t tell him? I thought that was what you were all about? Being proud and open about what you are.” He flicked his gaze to Angel. “Amigo, you heard of chicks with dicks? Maybe dudes with clits? No, not Trans, they’re intersex. They’re born that way and they’re leading my impressionable little roommate into a world of shit he ain’t ready for.”
“Hey, um, maybe we can talk later.” Angel uttered a hasty farewell to Jalan, slid out of the booth, and beat a hasty retreat.
Alejo gestured grandly as Angel escaped. “That is what happens when you confuse and mislead people!”
“It sounds to me like what happens when an asshole opens his mouth!” Ricky snarled.
I watched as my celebration crashed and burned around me. I was pissed and hurt. I knew Alejo was upset but I never thought he would do something like this. I should have known better but I wanted to understand. I wanted my sweet, protective roommate, my lover, my companion, my boyfriend back. “Alejo, what is going on?”
He saw my face and a little of the Alejo I knew showed through in his hurt, sad eyes. “I tried to tell you but it came out wrong. By then you had already blown me off and moved out.”
He looked me in the eyes with deep sorrow. “Ash, if you dress like a woman, men–especially men with power–will treat you like one. They will dismiss you. They will disrespect you. They will ignore you, they will walk all over you and keep you down, they will take what they want and they won’t bother asking. It sucks but that’s the way things are. If you can pass as a man then grab that power and make the most of it. It’s the only way to protect yourself. Then you can protect the women in your life and help make the world a better place for them.” He gestured at my clothes and makeup with disgust. “This…trying to live as both a man and a woman, will only lead you to a bad place.”
“Are you fucking serious?” Trevor shot back in his seat in outrage. Jal jumped up next to confront Alejo.
“Excuse the fuck outta me,” they snarled angrily, “but there are some strong women in the world with plenty of power, asshole!”
The others talked over each other to argue but this was my life, my responsibility. I called for quiet, then nudged my way out of the booth. Ricky and Trevor stood scowling at my back as I faced Alejo.
“First of all, you’re drunk.” I said and he offered a grand, wobbly bow.
“Second, that was rude and fucking out of line. You could have waited to talk to me at home.” He had the presence of mind to look embarrassed but I saw it for only a moment. I pressed on, “lastly, you know better than to come at me with such a bullshit sexist attitude. Women with power can be equally protective. History is filled with powerful women that fiercely protected the ones they loved. You’re confusing power with a lack of respect. You’re trying to warn me but listen to yourself. Who is showing a lack of respect?”
Alejo’s hookup drifted away in the confusion, forgotten. Meanwhile, my roommate showed regret and contrition but his ego refused to let him back down, to apologize. I couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. “Alejo, go home and sleep it off before I say something I’ll regret. We’ll talk later.” He didn’t move so I yelled, “GO!”
Alejo finally relented and wandered back toward the bar. Despite what he did I worried about him. “Somebody should make sure he gets home safely.” I said.
“He didn’t come alone.” Trevor assured me. “The ones he came with will take care of him.”
Ricky rubbed my arms comfortingly. “You’re kind to care after what he said.”
“I don’t feel kind,” I turned back to my friends.
We tried hard to recover the party mood but I wasn’t feeling it. We relocated to a late night diner where it was quiet and we could talk.
Everybody was afraid I might catastrophize or panic after my run-in with Alejo, which was fair but something changed in me tonight. It only crystallized when Alejo showed his ass back in the club. I was tired of feeling frail. My friends walked on eggshells around me. They discussed things about me behind my back and made decisions concerning my well-being without my knowledge or consent. I gave them reason to do it. Hell, I gave them permission. I tossed responsibility for my well-being into every lap willing to take it. I had to stop it. I didn’t know what to say but maybe I didn’t have to. Maybe it was enough to just make the change in my life and live it. I could do it now. There was no reason to delay.
I gestured for Trevor to join me in a trip to the bathroom while the others ate and talked. Thankfully, the bathroom was empty. I had no idea what to say when we stood together at the urinals, so I just blurted it out. “About Ricky,” I said. “I want to keep him to myself–at least, for a little while.” I swallowed nervously. “He isn’t into hooking up.”
“So he told me.” Trevor nodded and I pinched off my pee stream so hard it hurt.
“He told you?” I squawked.
“Back at the club when you went to pee,” he confirmed. “He asked permission to keep things just between you for a while. He said that you told him about polyamory and our arrangement. He is keeping an open mind but he was honest, he preferred keeping you for himself. He knew that would hurt you so he is going to try.”
“Shit,” I sagged with regret. “I should’ve said something right away.”
“Yeah, but I understand why you didn’t.” He met my gaze. “You’re new to all of this relationship stuff. It’s like you to agonize over it. You don’t know how to bring it up and you’re afraid of hurting my feelings.”
I winced, “You know me so well.”
“Besties, remember?” He zipped up, flushed, and washed his hands. I followed suit and Trevor stopped me at the door. He drew me in for a comforting hug and a kiss. He backed off with a smile. “It means a lot that you told me and Ash, you don’t be afraid to talk to me. I’m with you to the end of the line.”
I giggled, “Does that mean I can play with the insanely hot, hellaciously talented Latino boy?”
“On one condition,” he grew suddenly serious but an impish grin ruined it. “I want pictures and details!”
We sat around enjoying each other’s company for a while longer but it was late and people were tired. We said our goodnights and went separate ways from the diner. Shea took Jalan, Lee, and Wes home. Trevor went home alone while I took Ricky home.
The ride was quiet but peaceful. I thought about what Trevor said about how I agonized over things. I remembered my promise to myself that I wouldn’t toss responsibility for my well-being into the laps of others. I had no idea if I was doing the right thing but I took a chance and said “Thank you.”
Ricky took my free hand across the center console and smiled, “What for?”
“For talking to Trevor, for asking his permission to spend time with me. You didn’t have to do that. I’m sorry for putting you in that position.” I glanced across to read Ricky’s expression. His smile turned warm and he squeezed my hand.
“You didn’t”, he assured me. “I thought about it and I realized that I was the outsider in this situation. You and Trevor have your life worked out. I figured to handle it like asking a father’s permission to date his daughter.” He paused for a moment, thinking. “I’m lucky that you two have this arrangement. It’s easier on my conscience because I like Trevor. I would have fought him for you but he is willing to share. You aren’t, but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”
“About that,” I thought about it. “What I feel for you is different. It’s powerful and…alluring–”
He broke in, grinning, “like the Dark Side of the Force?”
“Kinda?” I grinned. “When you say those amazing things…”
“Like?” He gave me an arch look.
“Like how I’m the only one that matters to you. I feel important, special. I don’t want to lose that even though I know in my heart that isn't going to happen. I guess, I’m afraid you might like Trevor better.”
“Ain’t gonna happen.” Ricky squeezed my hand for emphasis.
“Yeah, I know, I’m still pinching myself that anybody wants me at all. I’m little–”
“I’m short too,” he pointed out.
“I’m scrawny.”
“Better for me to carry you,” he nodded.
“I’m pasty white and have red hair.” I flicked my gaze to Ricky as he broke into a huge smile.
“That’s a huge plus in my book. Even if it wasn’t, I’m blind. So, it doesn’t matter.”
I fought hard to keep a straight face with my final argument. “I talk funny and I have bad breath.”
“I’ll stick something in your mouth, that should shut you up.” He drew a finger along the length of the bulge in his lap and I was hypnotized for a second. Ricky grew serious with his next words. “I just need to know that this is what you really want. For a while there you sounded ready to join me on the monogamy train.”
“I can’t say how things might go in the future but for now, I’m happy with what I have with Trevor.” I considered mentioning Alejo but I had no idea where things stood between us. I chose to wait and kept things simple, for now. “I want you to be a part of that.” I looked over at Ricky as we sat at a stop light.
“If that means sharing me with Trevor?” He asked softly. My gut clenched at the idea. I took a deep breath and let it out.
“Then I will.” I gently rubbed his palm with my thumb.
We arrived soon at Ricky’s place and I walked him to his door. He caressed my cheek and we kissed tenderly. “Ash,” he asked. “Please stay the night?”
Butterflies took flight in my gut as I heard that. “Are you sure?” I replied softly.
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life,” he said as we touched our foreheads together.
I huffed softly, “what about Gwenny?”
He laughed, “Gwenny will deal.”
“Alright,” my voice cracked at the end and I cleared my throat. “I’ll stay.”
“Good,” Ricky grinned from ear to ear.
I texted Trevor to let him know while Ricky unlocked his door:
SmartAsh2003 (Ash): Ricky ask me 2 stay 2 night.
TapMyPeach: (Trevor): 💋🍆💦🎉 (YouTube link to cheesy safe sex PSA)
SmartAsh2003(Ash): 🍑😜
TapMyPeach: (Trevor): bring lunch and U 🍑 tomorrow. We 🍆💦 no matter how tired or sore U R ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
SmartAsh2003 (Ash): ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
“What are you playing?” Ricky listened with a note of bemusement as the cringeworthy YouTube narrator talked about the dangers of having unprotected sex. I smiled as I keyed off my phone and put it away. “That was Trevor’s way of telling us to have fun and be safe.”
Ricky’s cheeks flushed a rosy hue. “Your boyfriend is something else.”
“He brings the party with him, that’s for damn sure,” I smiled.
“I bet,” Ricky snorted. “Well, I have a party for two waiting inside.”
“Oh, do you now?” I let him tug me inside and into his arms. We kissed while the door clicked shut and locked behind us.
To be continued…
READER NOTE: Look for Chapter 25 first thing tomorrow!
AUTHOR NOTE: No two intersex people are alike. Ash’s symptoms reflect the experience of one person save where mentioned.
SPECIAL NOTE: I write in an imaginary world where sexually transmitted diseases do not exist. Sadly, they do in the real world. Stay safe. PrEP before you play and glove it before you love it.
