Jason’s Journey

Marvin woke with a start then wished he was still asleep as he opened his eyes to daylight and the worst headache he’d had in years. He buried his face in the pillow and tried to remember why he felt so terrible. The events of the previous day slowly came back to him. There had been a party at his and Jason’s new home and as his memory returned he recalled that he had drunk far too much champagne and had more than willingly partaken of the free cocaine that was being passed around. Everything else was a blur of smiling faces and laughter and ……… something he couldn’t quite grasp. The more he tried to remember the worse his headache became so he decided to let whatever it was lie. He heaved himself out of bed and into his bathroom. ‘Piss, shower, coffee that’s all I need,’ he told himself. ‘I’ll be fine after a piss and a shower.’ He wasn’t altogether convincing himself but he couldn’t lay in bed all day. He checked his watch – 2:36pm. He groaned at the realisation that he had lost half a day then lifted the toilet seat and stood swaying unsteadily as he waited for his bladder to wake up and function. After much concentration and mental encouragement for his internal waterworks he released a long and satisfying piss, most of which went in the loo rather than on the floor. Next came the shower. It was a new and very sophisticated unit with multiple jets at all levels. He stood in the centre of the wet area and looked at the control panel. ‘How the fuck do I turn you on?’ he had been so excited when choosing the type of shower he wanted for his new bathroom but today he was wishing it was as simple as turning a tap. Forcing his brain to function he pressed a few buttons and waited a few seconds for the water to hit him from all directions at once.

 ‘FUCK……….’He was hit by a wall of ice cold water. ‘Fuck fuck fuck,’ he danced around the shower in a completely futile attempt to avoid the freezing onslaught. He  had obviously not pressed the correct buttons and frantically pushed a few more. Suddenly the water stopped. ‘Thank fu……..’ water almost hot enough to make a cup of tea with poured from the ceiling fortunately only hitting him as it bounced off the floor. ‘Fuck you.’ He shouted at the shower and hit the power off button. At that moment Jason ran into the bathroom having heard his housemates screams.

‘What the hell is going on? Are you alright?’ He stepped into the shower and held Marvin’s upper arms turning the angry wet man to face him. He looked his friend up and down to see if there was something wrong with him then turned him round to check his back. Satisfied that there was no physical harm he spun Marvin back to face him. ‘What happened?’ Marvin shook his head and started to laugh. ‘What? What’s so bloody funny?’

Marvin threw his arms round Jason’s neck and shoulders hugging him tight as he continued to laugh. All Jason could think to do was to return the hug and wait for Marvin to control his laughter. Perhaps I’ll get an explanation then he thought. After several minutes Marvin calmed down and pulled back from the hug maintaining a strong hold on his friends shoulders. ‘I love you man,’ he said smiling. ‘I am going to really enjoy having you around.’ Jason looked at him in confusion. ‘I couldn’t remember how to get the fucking shower to work. So I just froze my balls off and then tried to boil myself. And your face was a fucking picture Jay. Fuck that was funny, so fucking funny.’

‘Well I’m glad I can provide you with so much amusement.’ Jason spoke calmly and quietly. Marvin hadn’t known Jason long but had already learned that when he was quiet and controlled as he was now, it usually meant he was pissed off and working hard not to lose his temper. Jason nonchalantly turned to the control panel, pressed two buttons and stood with Marvin as a shower of water rained down and into both of them. ‘I think you’ll find that it will be just right for you now. If you’ll excuse me I’m going to dry off and change.’

‘You don’t fancy scrubbing my back for me whilst you’re here then?’

‘To be honest Marvin after your behaviour last night I’d have thought you’d be a little less flippant today. But then again I’m only a sad and bitter queen aren’t I?’ All at once the memory that had been so elusive earlier crashed into Marvin’s consciousness.  It was accompanied by a sudden look of horror followed by regret and anguish as he recalled how he had reacted to the declaration of desire he had made to Jason whilst stoned and drunk that Jason had politely declined. Marvin remembered that he had not taken the rejection well and in front of several people had lambasted Jayson for his infatuation with Pete and his inability to move on. His pride had been injured and the mix of drugs and alcohol had removed his usual controls. ‘I’ll make coffee and see you in the kitchen when you’re dressed.’

Marvin was left alone to ponder what he should or could do to repair the damage his drunken outburst had caused. Within ten minutes he was showered, dressed and sitting at the breakfast bar nursing a strong, sweet mug of coffee. Jason sat opposite him drinking tea and rolling a joint. Looking round Marvin could see that as he had slept, Jason had spent the morning clearing the debris from the previous night. The house looked to be back to its usual tidy self, giving him another reason to feel guilty and uncomfortable. Jason lit the ‘five-skinner’ and took a deep drag. Within minutes the dope was making hm feel less stressed and more able to look at Marvin without feeling angry and let down. ‘Want some of this?’ He offered the joint to Marvin who understood at once that the gesture was meant to ease the tension in the room.

‘Thanks. Do you want to go and sit on a sofa? It’d be more comfortable, especially when this kicks in properly.’ He held the joint up and smiled at his weak attempt at humour. Jason nodded and led the way into the den where  there were two very large over-stuffed sofas they had found for next to nothing in a second hand shop. They both sat on the same one and let themselves relax into the welcoming comfort. Jason made a point of not sitting at a distance from Marvin and as they quietly shared the joint they ended up pleasantly leaning on each other, losing themselves in the fugg that only really good quality resin could give. The downside to smoking the joint, especially after a party where there had been a great deal of flirting and pairing off, was that it rekindled some of the feelings and emotions they had felt then. It was inevitable that they both started to feel horny again.

‘Good stuff,’ exhaled Marvin. ‘Love the way it goes straight to my dick.’ Jason released a snort of laughter and slapped his and on Marvin’s thigh. ‘Ouch. That hurt you sod.’ They sat in silence drifting in their own thoughts. ‘I’m sorry.’ Marvin looked at his feet, unable or unwilling to look at the man next to him for fear of censure.

‘I know you are.’ Jason moved to a position where he could put his arm behind Marvin’s neck and over his shoulders. He hugged him and innocently kissed his cheek. ‘I forgive you.’ He heard the sigh of relief that escaped his friends mouth. ‘And you were sort of right. I do need to move on. He’s a friend, that’s all he ever has been really.’ He rested his cheek on the side of Marvin’s head. ‘He’s a dream I need to let go. He hasn’t needed me since he left over ten years ago. He probably didn’t think about me at all once he started his new life.’

Marvin could feel the sadness in Jason’s voice. There was no hint of self-pity in what he was saying, more a realisation of time wasted. Unsure of how to help him he said nothing but gently and he hoped reassuringly put his hand on Jason’s upper leg and squeezed the solid muscle. After a moments silence he realised that Jason was very quietly crying. He sat up and wrapping his arms around his grieving friend gathered him into a strong, safe embrace. ‘It’s okay Jay, I’ve got you. Let it go mate, let it go.’ Whether or not smoking the joint had been a wise thing to do, it’s affects allowed emotional walls to crumble and for the two men to attain a new level of honesty and intimacy in their friendship. For Marvin holding and comforting Jason was the only thing he could do for him and Jason realised as he began to say goodbye to the past that he now had a future to look forward to. He could finally begin to live the life he had denied himself for so long. As his tears ended and he felt able to talk again he decided to take the bull by the horns and to challenge as tactfully and gently some of the things that Marvin had said when drunk. But before he could speak Marvin broke the silence. ‘I’ve got the munchies. Why don’t you roll another spliff and I’ll sort out some food and drink.’ And so it was that fifteen or so minutes later they were sat on the floor, backs against the sofa happily helping themselves and each other to a selection of left-overs from the party and sharing the remains of a bottle of chardonnay Marvin had found in the fridge.

‘What you said last night….’ Marvin waved a chicken drumstick at Jason and mumbled through a mouth full of food. ‘No it’s okay Marve I’m not pissed at you I just want to talk about a couple of things.’ He received an affirmative nod telling him to continue. After a moment’s hesitation Jason summoned all his courage. ‘I’m gay Marvin.’

‘I know.’ Marvin continued to eat accepting the announcement as no big deal.

‘I’ve never said it before. I, Jason Lord, son of the bigoted bastard Frank Lord am gay.’

‘Feel good to say it?’

‘Yes it does. It’s like I’m free.’ Jason looked at his friend and smiled broadly. ‘Marve, I’m free. I don’t need to hide anymore.’

‘No mate, you don’t.’ Marvin had a smile as big as Jason’s. He reached across to the excited man next to him and squeezed his hand. ‘I’m happy for you mate. Really happy.’ Jason stood and pulled Marvin up with him.

‘Can I have a hug Marvin cause as good as it feels I’m a bit scared as well.’

‘With pleasure. And don’t be scared, be excited. You are going to have so much fun.’ They hugged each other as they laughed then began to dance a silly and rather clumsy jig. Jason lost his balance and Marvin had to catch him. Their faces were inches apart, eyes searching the others, heart beats increasing, temperatures rising. Their mouths moved towards each other, eyes still locked. Lips touched and…..the doorbell rang. The moment was lost and they pulled away from each other embarrassed and a little confused, neither being sure what had just almost happened. ‘I’ll go. Why don’t you put the kettle on.’

                                                                     …………………                                                                                 

The night Mark finally made love to Jason and took his cherry was such a bitter sweet event that he would always remember it as a time of both affirmation and loss. The act itself confirmed for Jason that he was gay. That sex with a man was what he was made for was now something he would never doubt again and that when going through the motions with women it had been a purely mechanical exercise to hide his true nature. Mark had been the perfect lover that night, taking his time to ensure that Jason was relaxed physically and mentally and during the act itself being tender and mindful of how his lover responded to all he did. As a result with the exception of a few moments of discomfort when Jason first felt Mark’s perfectly proportioned penis breach his tight virgin hole there had been no pain at all. Jason had felt nothing but pleasure and was soon groaning and begging Mark to fuck him harder and harder; wanting him to go deeper and fill every part of his fuck tunnel with his hard thrusting cock. His whole body had reacted in ways he had only imagined; his nipples got harder and more sensitive and when Mark leaned forward and bit and chewed on them as he pistoned in and out of his hot wet pussy Jason’s back ached high and the noises coming from his throat made Mark glad he had taken him to the isolated holiday cottage for the weekend where they could be alone. The weekend was his birthday present for Jason who had turned twenty the week before. He had concocted a story about having a weekend away wit his mates to placate his wife and he and Jason had met after work on the Friday and driven up to Cumbria together. The cottage as an idyllic holiday getaway. An old crofters cottage it had been totally gutted and refurbished into a snug and peaceful hideaway complete with log fires in the lounge and bedroom. From the outside it was chocolate box perfect with painted white walls and a thatched roof surrounded by a white picket fence enclosing a beautiful garden that in the summer would be a riot of colour and texture. They arrived just as dusk was settling in with a stunning last minute deep red and purple sky behind the bleak Cumbrian fells and distant mountains. They had collected the key from the pub in the nearest village as instructed and upon arrival at the cottage found the fires gently burning in the grates, subdued lighting and the sounds of music filled their senses with a feeling of calm and tranquillity, and as Mark had requested, a traditional Lancashire hotpot was braising gently in the oven. A note on the kitchen table welcomed them to “Hillside nook” and told them what time dinner would be cooked, that groceries as ordered were in the fridge and pantry and the champagne requested would be found chilling in the brook that ran through the back garden. They had bathed together in the big Victorian bath then wearing the thick and fluffy bathrobes they sat in the front room by the fire drinking perfectly chilled champagne and eating the most delicious hotpot that either had ever tasted.

Once dinner was finished and they had washed and dried the pots together they relaxed on the sofa, Jason leaning against Mark who at all times had at least one arm wrapped around the birthday boy.

‘Thank you for this weekend Mark, it’s perfect.’ Jason snuggled deeper into Mark’s embrace. ‘I wish we could stay like this forever. Just the two of us. Leave the world out there.’ Mark was glad that the young man couldn’t see his face and the look of torment and anguish that crossed it as he listened to him. He would give Jason this last weekend and make it as memorable as he could for both of them.

‘We’re here till Monday morning Jay so let’s just enjoy what we can. But I know what you mean. If only we could eh mate? If only we could.’ For a brief moment his defences came down to be quickly re-erected before Jason picked up on his melancholia.

The weekend had been perfect, their love making beyond anything they had experienced before. They had walked the hills and watched the birds and wildlife together an act that reminded Jason of the many hours he and Pete had done the same thing years before. They bought hot meat and potato pies for lunch from the bakers in the village and washed them down with a drink of strong tea in polystyrene cups as they sat on a wall and took in the magnificence around them. Back at the cottage they paddled in the freezing waters of the brook to help restore their aching feet and for dinner that night prepared spaghetti carbonara with a fresh crusty loaf they had bought with their pies at lunchtime. Happiness and love radiated from them both men although neither of them would express the emotions they felt for each other. Mark because he knew he couldn’t without giving in to what his heart yearned for and Jason because he hadn’t realised that what he felt for his lover was far more than friendship. After they had eaten and cleared away they spent an hour on the sofa, kissing and touching each other, enjoying the simplicity of being together in a safe place, taking unhurried pleasure in each other’s bodies slowly building to the climax to come. Jason had been wanting to ask Mark to actually fuck him for months but hadn’t been sure if he would have the same desires as him. Having taken the plunge and asked him to take his ass for his birthday and Mark having agreed to do so Jason had thought of little else since. Alone in bed each night he had used his fingers to get used to the feeling of being penetrated and stretched. He had even taught himself how to ensure he was clean and safe - a sometimes messy but always amusing activity that he was always glad he undertook alone. When Mark took his hand and led him to the bedroom, lay him down on his back on the bed and began to kiss and play with his boy pussy Jason had closed his eyes and given himself completely to the feelings and sensations washing over and through him. So when he felt Mark’s cockhead pushing against the tight ring protecting his love chute he had no fears or anxiety at all. When he pushed through into him, Jason felt a brief stab of pain then a wonderful feeling of completeness as Mark pushed deeper into him. He felt lips on his and opened his eyes to see his lover smiling down at him. ‘That’s it Jay, you’ve got all of me. All eight and a quarter inches.’

Jason laughed, ‘yeah, we can’t forget that last quarter can we?’

The next few hours had seen him being fucked in every position they could either think of or manage. Some attempted sexual gymnastics resulted in them collapsing in hysterics or suddenly getting a cramp or muscle spasm at a most inconvenient moment. They didn’t count the number of times Mark filled Jason with his hot cum or how many times Jason shot his load without touching himself or being touched. They were lost in each other’s passion and happiness and didn’t even take time to clean themselves or the bed before exhaustion finally claimed them and they collapsed into each other’s arms and slept. Twice during the night Jason was woken to the rhythm of Mark’s resilient cock fucking in and out of him and on both occasions he lay still and quiet enjoying the feeling of the hard tool working his arse and brushing against his prostate. At the climax of both gentle, sleepy fucks they had returned to sleep with Mark still firmly implanted in Jason’s gut.

The next morning they bathed together again then cooked a full breakfast. The day was grey and drizzly so they decided to stay in and play. By bed time that night they were sated and happy to cuddle up together in the freshly laundered bed that Jason had insisted they change and wash after the previous nights debauched proceedings. Mark spooned up behind Jason and held him as he fell asleep. He waited for his breathing to become steady and when he knew he was dead to the world he gently raised his head to look at the beautiful and contented face he had come to love and cherish. He traced a finger along the firm jaw then across the full, slightly parted lips. A tear fell onto Jason’s shoulder and he leaned forward and kissed the spot it had landed on. Then silently he mouthed the words that broke his heart. ‘I love you.’ The lump that formed in his throat almost choked him and he had to lay down and bury his face in his pillow for fear of waking his best friend and only true love. He eventually fell asleep to wake in the morning feeling as empty and cold as Jason’s empty side of the bed.

He wandered naked into the kitchen from where the smell of fresh coffee and frying bacon came wafting. He paused in the doorway and watched as Jason moved unselfconsciously between cooker, worktop and sink preparing their breakfast. He suddenly caught sight of Mark out of the corner of his eye. ‘Good morning handsome, breakfast in ten minutes.’ His smile was more than bright enough to compensate for the dull weather outside and it struck to Mark’s core as he walked to the bathroom. Breakfast was all too soon finished and cleared away and bags were packed and loaded into the car. With no fires burning and dull grey light filtering in through the small windows the cottage looked cold and empty. A perfect metaphor for how the two men were feeling as they embraced before exiting and locking the front door. Neither man spoke, both were lost in their own thoughts. Mark returned the key to the pub as Jason sat quietly in the car and then they were on their way home. The journey to the cottage on Friday had seemed endless, the one home on Monday ended far too soon. Jason transferred his bag from Mark’s car to his own then turned to face him. ‘You’ve been very quiet this morning Mark. You hardly said a word all the way back. What’s wrong?’ Mark looked away and though he tried to speak he couldn’t, his words kept sticking in his throat as he fought back tears. Jason knew straight away that he was about to lose another man he had come to care for. Mark’s whole demeanour told him what words couldn’t. ‘Why?’ the word was whispered. Mark stepped up to him and took his face in his hands. His eyes were red and tears covered his cheeks.

‘Because I’ve fallen in love with you, and I can’t. I want nothing more than to get back in that car and drive away with you but it’s impossible. I cannot allow myself the joy of loving you Jay. I have a wife, children. I can’t leave them behind. I can’t see you anymore. It’s killing me, tearing me in two. Can you believe I was actually wishing I didn’t have my children so I could be with you? How can I wish for that? I love you so much Jay but if this continues I’ll start to hate you. I never want to hate you. You’re beautiful, perfect, everything I want.’ Mark let his hands slip from the face he held so dear and he forced himself to stand straight, shoulders back. He walked to his car and opened the door. Before he got in he turned back to look at his heart broken friend knowing there was nothing he could do to help repair the hurt he had just caused. ‘Please understand Jay. I’ll always love you.’

Jason heard the car door close, the engine start and the sound of it driving away.