I'm Not Gay

Authors Note: This is the first story I've published here and it's pretty lengthy beofre it gets to the good part, but I promise the action is steamy.. Let me know what you guys think. This is based, in part, on a true story from my past.

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First day of school is never fun, but the first day at a new school? That has to be the absolute worst of all. 

After my parents divorce in May, my Mom had moved my sister and I from big beautiful Chicago, back to her hometown of Nowhere, Oklahoma where my grandparents still lived. It wasn’t really called nowhere, but that’s what I thought of it. I loved Chicago, I loved the city, I loved the hustle and bustle and the people everywhere. I wanted to be in the middle of all of it, the sounds and the lights drowning out the voices in my head. I wanted to be busy. 

Truth be told, it wasn’t a stereotypical Oklahoma town either, rather large for a northern suburb of one of Oklahoma’s big cities of Tulsa. It had all the necessary things one would need, large strip malls, Walmarts, Targets, hundreds of neighborhoods from trashy to classy all with homes that looked alike. But it was nowhere near me. 

At 15, now a child of divorce, honestly not that it bothered me that much, my parents' marriage was a joke and I was actually relieved they were finally calling it quits, but my anxiety was running high. I didn’t do well with change, at the end of the day, and pulling me from a city that I loved, a school that while I didn’t love it, I was used to, and an entire change of scenery from progressive Chicago to backwoods America, I felt like my insides, particularly my stomach, was going to churn endlessly burning lifelong Ulcers into my stomach. Add to that, the fact that I was having to start a new school, high school Sophomore to say the least, made me want to jump out of my skin and use it as a blanket to hide under. 

I knew all I had to do was blend in, become invisible where I was comfortable and try not to stand out. That wouldn’t be too hard for me though, if I was a car in traffic I would be a honda stuck between Mercedes and beat up Chevy’s. Average all around would be the best way I could describe myself. I was 5’8, 145 straight up and down. I had been letting my sandy blond hair grow a little over the summer and it has started to curl at the ends right above my eyebrows. I had fair skin, no blemishes thank the gods, blue green eyes that changed depending on the sky and the color of my shirt. While I wasn’t toned or cut, I was lean, slim and I had to admit that I had pretty nicely defined calves. Like I said, average, unassuming, and bland. 

Oh, and one more thing, the least interesting thing about me by today’s standards, I was gay. Not that I mean to sound so pessimistic as I describe myself, just realistic. I didn’t openly hate on myself, I just felt as though I had a pretty good grasp on my own view and what social norms dictated on who was exceptional and who wasn’t, and I was okay with that to be honest. I liked little boxes to fit into, the world made sense that way to me. And it was that way, just to me, I was a person who fit into boxes. 

My family already knew I was gay, I mean hell I had known since I was four, and when I came out to them officially last year it was the most underwhelming experience ever. My mom had hugged me, my dad slapped me on the back and my younger sister just rolled her eyes and said, “duh.”

Not that I acted “gay” if you want to call it that. Nothing wrong with that for people that do, I’m a firm believer that people should be their complete authentic selves, but for the most part it really was just a term for my sexuality. While I fit into the category that I hated sports, it was most because I had absolutely no coordination or desire to be that physically active. I was a man who liked men that acted like men, all there was to it. 

In my school back home I hadn’t been out to anyone, not for fear of people's reactions, but more for the fact that I didn’t want to be known as the gay kid. I just wanted to be known as me, my business and who I’m attracted to is simply that, my business. A few of my friends knew, but that was it. I hadn’t dated, and I’d only been with a few guys that I’d lost my virginity to on Grindr, and only one of them was what I would call a pleasurable experience. Though, I can’t be that surprised when dealing with kids my age. 

I was never what you would consider a “popular kid” but I wasn’t an unpopular kid either, I fit in, as usual, right in the middle. I had friends on both sides of the aisle, as it were, and I liked it that way. My best friends were really my cousin that had moved to Nebraska last year, and one girl at my old school named Melia. Everyone else really I would consider surface friends. Maybe I was a loner? I didn’t really care. 

It was August, and already fucking hot and humid at 7:25 in the morning when I walked outside to the curb wearing a “The Killers” black band t-shirt, some ripped up white wash jeans, and my favorite pair of white vans. I kept brushing my ever-curling hair up out of my face, as I paced the sidewalk, counting the cracks trying not to focus too much on how nauseated I was. Normally I would listen to music, mostly indie, alternative rock, or if I was in the mood for it, classic 2 Pac, but even music on a morning like today would cause me to be more nervous. 

Of course I had to ride the bus in this bumfuck town, my sister and I both did but as she was starting the 8th grade, she took a different bus ride then I did. Again, I missed Chicago. We lived right downtown in a brownstone, and I could walk to school or ride my skateboard, like everyone did. Not here, here I was forced not only to start a new school, but to ride a bus for the first time in my life. God my stomach felt like it could heave at any moment. 

I continued counting cracks, pacing when I heard footsteps coming from down the street. I lifted my head and that’s when I saw him. 

Walking towards me on the opposite end of the street across from me, came the epitome of everything good and bad that I found attractive about a man. I wondered if he was my age, more than likely since he was still riding the bus, though he could be older, I couldn’t quite tell. He was my height, curly short blond hair on the top of his head, though most of it was covered under a flat bill hat backwards, with the sides buzzed and faded in. His face was perfectly proportioned, square, with a sharp jaw and probably the cutest button nose I’d ever seen. 

He was built like a wrestler, if I had to guess, though not super buff. More lean, strong shoulders though and a tight waist. He had to be a douchebag, I thought, from the way he was dressed. He had air pods in, no doubt listening to music, a Thunder OKC jersey on, which left his muscular shoulders and super defined golden skin arms out for everyone to see. He had a deliciously thick neck with a gold chain hanging around it. Yes, a gold chain, of course. You could see from the neckline where it accentuated his tight chest and what I had to imagine were abs underneath his shirt. He had on rolled up jean shorts, that were tight around his large thighs, and his calves were simply perfect. I have a thing with guys' calves, if you can’t tell, with just the right amount of golden brown hair across them.

I could tell that in a few more years, everything would be larger on this kid, but for 15, at least that I thought, he was very much in shape. 

Was I drooling? Nope, that’s good. Internally I was screaming. 

Why. Why in the world is this the type of guy I’m always attracted to? The beefcake, unavailable, straight loser. Another reason why I never tried dating and rarely met up with anyone, no one fit my bill and the ones that did only usually wanted one thing, and I tried to hold myself to a better standard. 

Still, to my annoyance, there it was, standing across the street from me. The problem, the fantasy, the gorgeous unavailable straight idiot. 

I tried to pride myself on not being typical in any area of my life, but when it came to attraction, it was, you guessed it, typical.

I snapped myself out of my trance, definitely not looking over at him anymore. He certainly wasn’t paying attention to me, thank god. I don’t know what I was so worried about, he looked like he hung around the crowd of people I wouldn’t be, and I’d probably only ever get as far as knowing his name by reputation. So, crisis averted. Just why did he have to live in my neighborhood? 

My stomach dropped again, when I heard the sound of the bus coming down the street. Oh right, I thought, I’m supposed to be holding onto last night's dinner, trying not to freak out about school. 

I looked over again at the gorgeous stranger and our eyes met for what seemed like an eternity, in reality it might have been half a second? He broke the stare quickly and I did the same, but an odd feeling hit me from the second we looked in each other's eyes. Weird. 

Getting on the bus was uneventful. He sat towards the back, and I didn’t allow myself to look at him or really anyone for that matter. My goal was to get through this bus ride and the rest of the day without vomiting. I sat behind a rotund girl with red hair and freckles. From the moment I sat down, she started in on me. 

“Hey, are you new?” 

“Uh, yeah, how’d you tell?” I asked nervously.

“Well I’ve been going to Owasso my whole life and I’ve never seen you. Did you just move here or?” She looked like an easy relaxed person, and while I generally hated talking to anyone that I didn’t know, it eased me for a bit. 

“Yeah, from Chicago.” I said, glancing out the window as the neighborhood passed me by.

“Oh wow, I bet that’s a culture shock. But you’ll like Owasso. It’s cool, nice people, towns always growing. The schools are okay, some idiots, jerks and cliques like all schools.” She nodded her head in the direction of the beautiful stranger that had gotten on the bus with me. “But for the most part it's pretty chill.” 

She certainly was a talker. I thought. Hopefully she’ll keep talking and I could just zone out. 

“That’s good, I assume it’s like that anywhere.” I said.

“I’m Paige,” she said, holding out her hand. 

“Lyle,” I told her, shaking it really quick. I hated my name by the way. Just the way it sounded. Liiiiiiuuullll, gross. 

“Nice to meet you, you seem cool, you can hang with me if you want and I can show you around.” She offered. She had a kind face, but I kind of wanted to feel everyone out before I decided who I wanted to be around. I certainly didn’t mind eating alone either, not that I figured I would be hungry today. 

“Thanks, that’s nice. If I see you, yeah.” I said.

She smiled, and continued to talk the entire rest of the way to school. I didn’t hear most of it though, my mind was on two things. Getting through the day, and where that stranger lived in my neighborhood.

 

Paige and I separated pretty quickly once we got to school, me trying to find my way around the massive maize of the school campus. I had been there a few days ago for a walk through and I was trying to remember where everything was. I didn’t see my neighbor again once we got off the bus. 

As far as schools though, it wasn’t anything special. Different from my last place which was a tall building with a lot of stairs and old with character. This building was simply a set of hallways that intersected and branched into more hallways, all of them looking the same, ending at a large gym and cafeteria. Still I made it to class relatively easily. 

The schedule was American History, English Lit, Choir, which I had only chosen because it was the least mind numbing, Creative Writing, Chemistry, and Geometry. As far as school goes, I was slightly above average in most subjects other than math, so I wasn’t too worried about it. I had done research on Oklahoma Schools so I felt pretty confident going in that I was perhaps slightly ahead of the curve.

By lunch I had met a few people, all introducing themselves to me, not the other way around. There was Matt, a tall skinny guy with short black hair, skinny jeans, and a laptop with all of my favorite band stickers all over it, who had commented on my Killers shirt. We had History together. Next in my Choir class, I laughed at a terrible music pun about not getting in “trebble” the same time as a short adorable girl with black wavy hair, a nose ring, and an outfit that looked like it came directly from Forever 21. Her name was Sheridan. Lastly was at lunch, when Matt and Sheridan had both found me in line and pulled me to sit with them. 

I was still massively nervous, and I just grabbed an apple before following them. I wouldn’t have imagined Matt and Sheridan would be in the same friend group, but I was pleasantly surprised. I sat next to another girl named Max, a dark skinned girl with gorgeous dark brown braids, a designer bag and perhaps a little too much makeup. She had a warm smile though and I was slowly pulled into their conversations. 

I went through the diet tribe of the same questions and answers, everyone I had talked to already asked me. I met a lot of people at the table, most of them whose names I couldn’t remember and pleasantly everyone seemed pretty nice. If I could have guessed, I had fallen right into place with the people I always did. The right down the middle crowd, friends with everyone, best friends with few. Not too far removed from the more popular crowd, but still steps above the lower level. 

It's funny how that works out, the way the herd moves. 

I looked up as the conversation drifted from me and onto who had slept with who, who had broken up with who, and who had gone to Summer School and there he was, walking the complete opposite direction of me with his back turned toward a table full of guys. 

I couldn’t help watching his gorgeous ass lift and fall with every step he took. 

Jocks, of course. Funny how some things never change, no matter how progressive the world gets. People still stick with who they relate the most to. 

There were several fist bumps and laughs as he sat down. What I wouldn’t give to be that chair right now. Sigh. 

Internally I shook my head, what was it with this guy? I had noticed several others, but my eyes kept tracking him. Maybe it was just because he lived in my neighborhood, who knows, but it’s my first day, too soon to be obsessed with someone.

*****

The rest of lunch passed by without incident, getting to know some of the others at the table, and going through my story with several people. I was already tired of being the new kid, it was exhausting. I was pleasantly surprised at how friendly everyone seemed to be, and by the end of the day I was already feeling a little bit more at ease. 

My neighbor was on the bus again with me on the ride home, and I stole some furtive glances at him when he wasn’t looking. Again, he had his airpods in and was mostly looking at his phone the whole ride home. His muscled arms resting on the chair behind and in front of him, his armpit hair peeking out. 

We got off the bus again together, but I forcefully didn’t look at him again, speed walking up the short driveway and into the house. 

That night I went through my day with my Mom, and listened as my sister irritatingly described hers. She was bipolar opposite to me. Athletic, popular, into all the current trends and the worst Top 40 music. Completely obsessed with Tik Tok, Snapchat and the like. 

As I began my nightly ritual of jerking off, my mind snapped back to my neighbor. Clad in just my boxers in bed, I rubbed my hand up my flat stomach and only slightly defined chest, gripping my six and half inch cock in my hand. I vigorously jerked off, imagining licking up by ridges of his ribs, burying my face in his masculine pits. I imagined what his cock might look like, how it might taste. I imagined him in front of me in my bed right now, sitting on my chest jerking right along with me and as the first few ropes of cum hit my chest, I imagined that it was his. 

I sighed as I wiped the cum off my chest, knowing that I’d probably never even meet my neighbor and even if I did, we wouldn’t be anything more than friends. He was straight, I was gay and our worlds were nowhere even close to orbit. Still, even as I was falling asleep, I couldn’t stop thinking about what it was about this guy that had me so crazy. 

****

The next few days passed by slowly, but productively. We had started the year on Wednesday, so thanks be to the gods, Friday finally came. I had shared the bus to school and back with my neighbor again, but I had resigned to put him out of my head. He was just another straight guy, seriously, nothing special about him, I told myself repeatedly. 

I met several more people, and became a regular at the table with Matt and Sheridan. It was only three days, but I was really starting to like them and their group of people. I had gotten more at ease at my new school, and as the first few days of the new year waned, the school work had progressively started. 

By the time I was on the bus again for the final time heading home, I was pretty drained. The anxiety and the newness of the foreign school and town had worn me down to a nub. The heat in Oklahoma was ridiculous, not just the heat, but combined with the humidity it felt like I was living in a steam room. Or, to my mind, a torture chamber. 

As always, I stole a glance at my neighbor.

This time he didn’t have any headphones in and he was glancing out the window. I looked away again, trying to distract myself and I found myself listening to the music on the radio. Today was the third day in a row I had forgotten my own headphones, so I had been forced to listen to whatever they were playing on the bus. I was honestly surprised they even had radios on these rickety old things. 

Unfortunately, I knew the song from my sister blaring it from her room, and unconsciously I started mouthing the words. The next time I looked up, my eyes locked with my neighbors for only the second time since I first saw him. Amusingly, he was also mouthing the words to the terrible song being played.

Seeing his eyes so much closer up, I noticed they were the most gorgeous shade of blue I think I had ever seen, and a part of me got lost right then and there. The song seemed to slow, the lights, the sounds, even the air seemed to wave together around me in a slow thick blur. How long had we been looking at each other? A minute? A second? Two years? 

I forced myself to look down, and stare back out the window. As we pulled into the neighborhood, and got closer to home I felt as if someone was looking at me and as much as I didn’t want to, I allowed myself to glance back out of the corner of my eye. He was looking at me again too, and as I turned my head slightly, I noticed him glance back down at his phone. I decided I wouldn’t read too much into it though. He probably thought I was a weirdo because I kept staring at him.

Get it together Lyle, I thought to myself. 

It was a sweet relief when we got to our stop. I swooped up my backpack and strode off the bus, ready to revel in relaxation once I got inside. Just as I was walking up my driveway, I heard him. 

“Hey man, this is your house?” My neighbor called out. I looked behind me and he was standing on the sidewalk a few feet away from my driveway. He looked like a god. He was wearing a black scallop t-shirt which hugged his swollen chest and trim body, with white chino shorts, and black Nike’s. His bronze, hairy legs glistening. 

Oh shit, I hadn’t answered him yet, I was just staring like an idiot.  

“Oh, yeah man, just moved here.” I said nervously, turning to look at him, trying at a smile. 

He grabbed onto his backpack with one hand and stepped closer, grinning for the first time. My knees weakened. My handsome neighbor had the most stunning smile I had ever seen, with brilliant straight white teeth, and adorable dimples on either side of his mouth. His eyes, which I had noticed earlier, gleaming, a sea of serene blue staring back at me. 

“Sweet, I live just down the street and around the corner. I’ve seen you get on and off the bus here, I just didn’t know which house was yours since I hadn’t seen you at school before.” He motioned to my house and scratched at his sandy blond curly hair which was a mess today, but in an intentional way.  He stepped slightly closer to me. 

“Oh that’s cool. Yeah, we’ve only lived here since like late July.” I replied, trying not to sound like a fawning morone.

“Where did you move from?” He generally sounded inquisitive.

“Chicago. My parents just split up earlier this year and my mom has family here so.. Here we are.” I motioned around me flippantly. I hoped he wasn’t offended by my lack of zeal. The sweat was literally crawling down my back from the heat and standing in the sun. 

He laughed then and leaned back. “Chicago? Fuuuuck man, that sucks, I bet you were pissed to have to move here. I would be, I hate this place.” He rolled his eyes, and put a hand in his pocket.

Immediately I was relieved and I cracked a smile. “Dude. You have no idea. What’s this fucking heat about? And the bugs. It seems like there is an overpopulation of insects.” I made a show of the statement, whacking a fly away as it buzzed by. “Like for real.” I joked. 

He let out a laugh. “I know what you mean! I’d give anything to be in a bigger city. I’ve lived here my whole life in the same neighborhood, same house. I can’t wait to get somewhere, anywhere better!” 

I was pleasantly surprised at my neighbor, he seemed totally different from what I was expecting. He was outgoing, relatively easy to talk to and for whatever reason he seemed generally interested in me. 

“Chicago was the best, I hated leaving.” I said, my face falling a little bit. I really meant that.

“Well, I’m sorry man. Hey, my name's Blaine by the way. Nice to meet you.” He finally closed the distance between us in two big strides and stuck out his manly hand. I grabbed it back and was again surprised by how soft and smooth his skin was. The feeling between our hands was electric. It was probably just me though. As always.

“Nice to meet you too bro, I’m Lyle.” Bro? Who was I?

 We were still shaking hands, his grip was firm, and I didn’t want to let go, but we finally did. He looked slightly taken aback with a large smile. I thought he was about to make fun of my name. I would. 

“Lyle? Dude, that's a sweet name.” He proclaimed, seeming like he genuinely meant it. I grimaced. 

“Seriously? I’ve always hated it. It makes me think of an old man.” I said. dramatically grimacing now.

“Pft, nah dude, try Blaine. It’s seriously like the douchiest name ever.” He made a motion with his hand dismissively, a goofy look on his face. I smiled again.

“I don’t think so. I mean, you don’t seem like a douche.” I offered, back to staring at his body again absentmindedly. 

“Depends who you ask.” He joked, cocking an eyebrow. “But hey, I’m gonna head home. Here put your number in my phone, we can chill sometime if you want.”

My heart skipped a beat. No way. Blaine, so far the hottest boy in school, wanted my phone number? He wanted to hang out? I felt like a schoolgirl. I had to remember that he was straight, if we hung out it would be just as friends. I was determined not to get ahead of myself.  

“Uh, yeah, um definitely.” I enthusiastically took the Iphone from his hand that he had held out and put in my number before handing it back to him. 

“Sweet! I’ll text you, see ya bro bro.” He smiled again and saluted me before turning on his heel and walking away from me. I watched his beautiful ass as it rose and fell. 

Just friends, I said to myself, that will be my mantra. 

*****

When I woke up Saturday morning, I had a lump in my throat. I was nervous. Which made absolutely no sense, it’s not like I actually expected him to text me, why would he? 

To my chagrin, once I had showered and scarfed down a bowl of cereal and my phone went off. It was from him. 

Blaine: Still down to chill today? I can come by your place.

I couldn’t help but smile and my stomach did a jolt.

Lyle: Of course man, gimme like an hour.

Blaine: Suhweeeeet. See you soon. 

I didn’t let myself get out of control as far as assumptions, and I just threw on an old Ramones t’shirt, a pair of shorts and some weathered vans and headed outside, skating circles on my skateboard and listening to music while I waited on him. 

Sure enough, I saw him as he came, to my surprise, skating up to my house as well. I pulled a headphone out and smiled at him. 

He was wearing another sleeveless nike shirt, and black gym shorts with the same pair of black Nikes and another backwards hat. He was gorgeous.

No shit, you skate too? 

Yeah! I figured you were a skater so I thought I’d get this thing out of storage. 

How’d you figure that? 

Well, I mean look at you bro. Band t-shirts vans or converse, the whole 90’s grung thing going on. It was pretty obvious. 

Wow, I didn’t realize I was so transparent, I’ll have to work on that. 

No, I dig it man. Be your own rainbow.

Um.. thanks? 

Shut up man. You wanna follow me around and I can show you the neighborhood? I’ll warn you now, there’s really nothing exciting about it, but what the fuck else are we going to do? 

Dude I’m down for whatever, any excuse to skate. I haven’t really done any since I moved here. 

Aight then, come on.

We left then, heading out down the winding neighborhood roads. All the houses were about the same, built in the 80’s, some well kept, others not so much. Very modest homes, for low to medium income families like mine and Blaine’s. 

He took me around the whole neighborhood, which didn’t take very long and we took turns sharing life stories, relationship histories, and family histories. Blaine told me about the school and what it was like growing up in this town. I spoke to him about my parents divorce and how uncomfortable it had made me to move from a progressive city with sprawling tall buildings and moderate weather, to what I would consider a country suburban town with nothing at all to look at. 

I didn’t tell him I was gay. I don’t know why, but I just didn’t. I realized I hadn’t told anyone at my new school yet. Not because I was worried about their reaction, I just hadn’t felt it necessary to do so. Now I wish I had, because I had a feeling if I didn’t tell Blaine, no one could know. 

I was surprised by how easy going he was, he talked easily and readily about anything, and I had definitely misjudged his character based on his looks. I know, I know, book by it's cover shit, but everybody does it. 

Having really met yesterday, we talked openly about a lot of things throughout the day. He shared about his two older siblings, one brother, one sister, and how much they had excelled and why it had negatively affected his relationship with his Dad. 

“They’re both like super driven, obnoxiously focused people. Like some sort of meta human shit.” We had stopped skating, and were walking through the woods behind our neighborhood. “My Dad just has this idea that I’m supposed to be just like them, he doesn’t understand I’m my own person. I don’t think I’m lazy or anything like that, I’m just not super fucking pumped about school or the sports he thinks I should be into, or college. I’m fucking 16, how am I supposed to know what I want to do or where I want to go in life at this point?” He stated, swatting a tree branch out of his way. 

“I know what you mean,” I replied, “I think the world puts so much pressure on the values of college and the stigma that if you don’t go to college, you’re destined to be unsuccessful in life. I don’t think there’s any reason why anyone our age should know exactly what they want to do, or if they even want to go to college yet. I sure don’t.” 

“Thank you! You get it!” He yelled out, smacking me on the back as we entered the clearing. “I just wish he would understand. He’s on me, all the fucking time, I feel like everything I say is the complete wrong thing. It’s got to the point where I dread even seeing him. “

He looked genuinely sad and I wished I could say something that would make him feel better. 

“Parental relationships are hard at any age, but I think our age is especially hard. It’s right around the time where we start being our own person, and not who they have designed us to be and that distance can be straining.” I felt lucky that my mom and I had nearly always been on the same page. Though the move had caused our own relationship to grow a little rocky, the resentment I had towards her for moving us from a city I loved was causing its own distance. I loved my Dad too, he had never pressured me to be anything else than exactly who I wanted to be. He was always the free spirit to my Mom’s buttoned down personality. 

“I miss my Dad, to be honest.” I blurted out, thinking that in my head, but coming out of my mouth instead. 

“I’m sorry man, I shouldn’t be complaining.” He said, looking at me. I glanced back at him and once again I was being melted by those piercing eyes and kind face. I had to look away.

“No it’s fine man, just very different here lately. It felt like my world was completely turned on its axis when they separated and we moved to bumfuck.” I joked, cracking a smile at that last part, but still meaning what I said. 

He grinned at me. “Bumfuck is right. But I’m sorry, I really can’t imagine what that would be like. Fuck, I’d love to live somewhere else, but it would be hard. Huge culture shock I’d say too.” 

“Dude you have no idea.” I quipped as we reached a giant maze of hay bales, structured to be like a fort. 

“Speaking of bumfuck..” He motioned to the hay bales, “We here in the sticks call this the cove. I think it’s meant to be ironic. “ 

We both laughed and sauntered through. Ironic for sure. 

“I just wanna say, you seem incredibly wise for your age.” He said, staring at me again with an inquisitive look. I didn’t meet his eyes this time as I climbed up on one of them. 

“A lot of people say that. Old soul and all that.” 

“I definitely agree.” He had jumped up on one across from me, and I tried not to notice how good his legs and ass stretched as he jumped, and how the muscles in his arms strained to lift himself up. 

He sighed. “I know it sucks that you had to move, but I’m glad you did. You seem really cool, man. I think we’d make good buddies.” He smiled again at me and butterflies filled my stomach. He thought I was cool? Maybe he wanted to spend more time with me? 

“Thanks, man! I really think so too.” I stated truthfully, hopefully. 

*****

From that day on, Blaine and I began spending nearly every waking moment with each other when we weren’t at school. I couldn’t figure out why, but for whatever the reason, he never seemed to get tired of me and was always interested in what I was doing or where I was going. Not that I minded. 

As the months went by I found myself getting closer and closer to him, to the point where I was sure I was starting to fall in love. It was at once the most amazing feeling, all consuming and powerful, and the most terrifying empty feeling. I knew he was straight. He talked openly about all of the girls he found attractive and in typical teenage boy fashion, he would joke about what he wanted to do to them and what he had already done sexually with girls in the past. In that respect, he did fit my original assumption. He was a player, not that he ever cheated from what I heard from him or Matt and Sheridan, two people that besides Blaine had become my closest friends. But he didn’t ever settle down with anyone either. 

I allowed myself to ask him one evening when we were playing Call of Duty. I had never been one for video games, unless it was The Sims, but the more time I spent with Blaine, the more I allowed him to push me to do things I never really was interested in. 

“Why exactly don’t you ever have a girlfriend? It can’t be because girls aren’t interested.” I joked punching his arm. 

“Yeah I can tell you that’s definitely not the reason.” He laughed, eyeing me. “They’re just all so fake bro. Honestly, I can’t stand half of them. It’s like they only care about the status symbol and being the typical high school girlfriend and boyfriend. It all seems terribly generic.” He stated, between killing Nazi zombies. 

“Huh.” I said, matter of factly. I, of course, was thrilled. Even though he was straight, I was secretly overjoyed that I didn’t have to share him with anyone, especially a girl. I assumed it would happen eventually, and I was already sick with the jealousy I could feel it would bring up. 

“They all don’t know what they’re missing then. You’re such a catch.” I said sarcastically. He laughed, tackling me, the remote falling to the floor. This had become another pattern of ours. 

From my original appraisal, he was in fact involved with wrestling. For him, it was the only sport he found interesting enough to be a part of and as a part of his prerequisite with his Dad, he had to be at least involved in one. 

Airgo, he would often tackle me to the ground and pummel me into submission. It was all very juvenile, and what I felt was his way of asserting dominance in the friendship, even though it was always in a grab ass playful little boy kind of way. He would punch, tickle, pinch, until I gave in. For my part, even though I reveled in the only physical contact we had aside from punching and the random arm around the shoulder, I did try to fight back, but often I called it pretty early on, not wanting to let my hormones or desire for it to mean more than it did, to cause me to make a mistake. Like letting my boner get too obvious. 

I didn’t bring it up again. He gave me as much of a satisfactory answer as I needed and I decided I would worry about that when the time came, hoping it never would. 

At school we didn’t hang out. I’m not sure why, and I never asked, but he seemed like a different person when we were at school. He only hung out with his crowd, and I hung out with mine. Not that I thought he was ashamed to be my friend. Our worlds, like I originally thought, just never meshed. 

I got the feeling after a few months, that he hadn’t really shown who he truly was to anyone, besides me. All of my friends thought what I had thought, he was a typical jock, dumb, and a douchebag. I never knew what his friends actually thought of him because I never hung around them. 

A part of me enjoyed it though, it was as if we had our own secret relationship that no one knew about. It started when we got off the bus and continued till the next day, or all throughout the weekend. Occasionally we would be separated for family events, wrestling tournaments, or practice, but I was always the first person he hit up when he got back and vice versa. 

When we weren’t together, we were texting. Usually about dumb stuff, sending memes and gifs, talking trash about people in school or teachers. 

I still never got around to telling anyone I was gay. I truly had meant to let some people know, I didn’t want to seem like I was hiding at school or not accepting my authentic self, but to my shame I worried about how Blaine would take it. Maybe in another state, I wouldn’t have worried so much, but Oklahoma wasn’t as progressive as Chicago, and the longer we were friends, the closer we became. The closer we became the more I was unable to let myself risk losing someone who was so important to me. 

I was grateful neither one of us had cars yet, even though I hated riding the bus, I enjoyed getting that time with him, although he was supposed to get one around Christmas time and I worried that because of our relationship at school, that it would interfere with our time in the mornings and afternoons. I dreaded the thought of riding the bus without my friend. 

Sometimes, when we were hanging out or staying the night at one another's homes as we did often, we would naturally fall into conversations about deeper subjects. I was still amazed at how wrong I had been about him. Sure, he was a typical jock at school, but that’s where it ended. 

It was October, one of the first cool nights of Autumn. We were outside in my backyard, laying on the trampoline. The air wasn’t brisk, just cool as the wind blew over our bodies. It was enough that a few goosebumps rose up on my arms and legs. The sounds of the crickets and cicadas chirping and singing their songs in the background, nothing but stars above us. Some dim, some truly sparkling across a black clear sky. It was an absolutely beautiful night.  

We had been laughing and cutting up, but silence had crept up on us, as if we were both lost in the beauty and calmness of the night. 

“Sometimes I feel like no one ever notices me.” He said softly, almost a whisper. His words fell across the air above me, drifting quietly. 

I was aghast, no one notices you? I thought, that’s the complete opposite of the truth. 

“What do you mean? Are you kidding? You’re the most noticeable person I know.” I said truthfully, hoping he didn’t catch exactly how much I meant what I was saying. 

“No man.” He sounded somber. “I just meant, like no one ever really sees me.” He emphasized the word sees. “Like I don’t know I just mean.. Well I don’t know what I mean.” He drifted off and I thought about it for a moment. I still couldn’t believe he thought these things about himself, but I related to him.

“I think I understand what you mean. I’ve always felt like I was in the background, like I blended into the furniture. Like everyone was given the script and rulebook to life and I didn’t get one.” I babbled, realizing I had never said those words out loud to anyone, not even myself. 

Neither of us were looking at each other, staring up at the sky. 

“No shit? I thought I was the only one that felt that way.” He said quietly.

“Me too.”

We were silent for a moment before he continued. 

“Like, I know I have all these friends, and a family that loves me, but they all feel so.. so.. so surface, you know? It’s like I woke up one day and realized I’m not close to anyone, not really anyway.” He had lifted his arms behind his head, his biceps bulging out of his black shirt. For the first time since I met him, I wasn’t lusting after him, I was caught up in the moment, realizing this was the first real conversation I had ever had with anyone. 

“I always told myself I didn’t need anyone, that I was fine by myself. I’ve always seemed to notice how everyone NEEDS someone else, and I don’t want to be that way. People always let you down.” He continued. I turned my head and his eyebrows were furrowed. 

“Sometimes I can’t believe someone like you and someone like me can be so different and so alike in so many ways. I’ve literally always thought the same thing. That relying on someone else is a form of weakness.” I stated, lifting myself up on one arm and looking at him straight on. 

“You do man? So I’m not just some fucking jerk cynic?” He had moved up in the same position, our bodies very close together. He smiled at me as he said it. 

“Oh no you’re definitely a jerk cynic, but you aren’t alone.” I joked. He smiled and slugged my arm again.

“This might sound weird, but I never thought I would need someone until I became friends with you. Seriously, no homo but you’re like my best friend. You seem to understand me and see me.” He said, seriousness all over his face. “God!” He shouted, “That sounds so fucking gay!” He laughed falling back again. 

I laughed nervously, my heart was pounding in my ears. He was literally saying everything I had been feeling. I brushed aside the “no homo” bit.

“But seriously man,” he continued, “You’re the best man, you listen to me and you never make me feel like I have to live up to some expectation or that you want anything more from me than exactly who I am.” He wasn’t looking at me as he said it, but it sounded genuine. 

If he only knew what I wanted from him. But I was glowing from the inside. I realized I still hadn’t said anything. 

“Thank you Blaine. No really I mean it. l honestly have felt the same way since.. I don’t know, since forever. You’re my best friend too.” I could feel the word vomit coming, but I couldn’t stop it. “Honestly too, I admire you dude. I never would have guessed that you felt that way and coming from someone like you.. I don’t know, it makes me feel better. You’re really cool and funny and I really really like being around you.” I finally stopped myself from saying anything else. I felt totally embarrassed after everything I said, but a part of me was relieved I was finally able to tell him at least a little bit of how I truly felt about him. 

He was quiet, he had turned back to face me sometime during the barrage of words I had thrown at him, and when I looked back he was staring straight at me, a bemused but reflective look on his face. 

“Dude. I’m so happy I met you.” He said, smiling, punching me one more time. 

“I’m happy I met you too man.”

We went back to regular conversation after that. I wasn’t sure how comfortable or uncomfortable he felt after saying some very intimate things, even if they were meant only as friendly. I felt more connected than I had though, there was still so much to say, but I would let it go. 

***** 

The longer we were friends, the more time we spent, and the closer I felt to him. After our conversation on the trampoline, I found myself feeling lonely, incomplete, and sad when we were apart. I found myself thinking about him when I saw something funny, something sad, or something that irritated me.

 I found myself thinking about him when I went to sleep at night and when I woke up in the morning. I became more sad when I saw him at school and he didn’t acknowledge me. I knew for a fact I was in love, and for the first time it had really started to bother me. I felt like something was going to come to a head sooner or later between the two of us. 

I kept it hidden from him though, and when we were together, it was easy not to think about it. He was a light at the end of a tunnel for me. When we were together I felt like all the messy pieces of myself were being held together. It only made it worse when we were apart, but I lived for the next time we would hang out. I felt pathetic, but he had become a drug I couldn’t put down. 

Finally, after Thanksgiving break, it happened. 

Blaine had happily announced that he had been talking to a girl from our school, Miranda. For her part, she was nice, gorgeous, and a friend to everyone. We had spoken several times in Chemistry as we had been lab partners a few times and I actually really liked her. If he was going to be in a relationship with anyone besides me, I couldn’t have picked a better girl. 

But I hated her now. She was getting the prize, and I felt desolate. 

Still, I feigned enthusiasm to the best of my ability. I put on my mask, and congratulated him. I had always been good at hiding how I really felt, and I couldn’t risk him thinking something was wrong and our friendship becoming weird, so I had to make sure he bought it. He did. 

God, I was pathetic, needy, clingy. Something had to change. 

One weekend, while he was out with Miranda, something that became more regular and caused us to spend less time together, I set out to make a firm decision. To my surprise, even though he had less time for me, he had a way of never letting me feel less important, and being with Miranda had caused him to start acknowledging me in school, which was a nice change. 

I decided I would start anew. 

Blaine and I were best friends, that was it. Nothing more, nothing less. Yes, I was in love with him, but that had to stop. It had too. I couldn’t afford to lose the one person I had ever felt truly, unequivocally comfortable with. It was a tale as old as time, gay boy falls in love with a straight boy, but it was stopping right now. It wasn’t meant to be, and while I was naive enough to think that just because I made up my mind I would fall out of love, I was resigned to let it run its course and devote myself to just being a good friend. 

I could do that. I HAD to do that and I would.

*****

It was Christmas break, and Blaine and I had been spending every day and most nights together. Neither one of us were all that excited about Christmas with our families. It was the last night we could spend together before he headed out of town, so I was back at his place to spend the night.

We lounged around most of the day, back and forth between houses, eating, playing Call of Duty, eating again, and watching movies. 

It was lucky that Miranda was spending the break out of town with her family, so I greedily accepted the time to myself with Blaine, now that the three of us had become more of a unit instead of just me and Blaine. 

It was towards the end of the night, another mindless movie on the tv that we had both seen. He was sitting in the large arm chair at the other end of the room shirtless, in a pair of his colorful tight boxers, while I was laying on the couch fully clothed of course. We were both mindlessly scrolling on our phones when Blain spoke up. 

“Dude, if Melissa doesn’t put out soon I think I’m going to go crazy.” He said, as he started flipping through channels. 

“Huh? You two haven’t done anything?” I put my phone down to look over at him. I was shocked. I figured that they had crossed that barrier a long time ago. I didn’t like thinking about it, but I figured it had happened already. 

“I mean, she gives me head, I go down on her, blah blah blah. But nothing else.” He had a dismissive look on his face and he rolled his eyes. 

“Really?” 

“Um yeah, why?” He asked, looking over at me questioningly.

Suddenly I felt sheepish. “Shit, I guess I assumed you’d been fucking since the get. That’s what I’ve heard anyway.” I shrugged. It had been readily discussed around the school, since two of some of the “it” people had got together. 

“Tisk tisk Lyle, you shouldn’t listen to gossip.” He laughed, turning back to the tv. 

“Shut up.” I said, rolling my eyes with a chuckle. 

“But nah man, that’s what everyone says and yeah I’ve definitely facilitated that with the guys for my rep.” 

“You and the reputation.” I chided, mockingly.

“Now you shut up.” He rolled his eyes, grinning. 

“Well hopefully she’ll give it up soon. I don’t know what to tell you there skipper.” I went back to scrolling on my phone, all sarcasm. 

“Yeah or I’ll have to go bag a stranger.” He said as he looked over at me and raised his eyebrows up and down jokingly. I rolled my eyes again.

“Oh sure, sure.” 

“What, you don’t think I could?” He pumped up his chest in a show of mock strength. 

“I know you could, but you wouldn’t.” 

“Yeah.. Probably not,” he sat back down shrugging, “but I’m fucking horny.” 

That piqued my interest. It wasn’t completely out of the normal, he said it pretty regularly, even pretending to come on to me several times. While I always wanted it to be true, I knew it was just horse play, but my dick still always heard it. 

I looked over at him over my phone. “Join the club.”

“Dude. You could be dicking down any chick you wanted at any time. Don’t give me your I’m horny sob story. At least you’re free to meet and get with anyone you want.” 

“Who, me? No of course not, I’m saving myself for marriage. Have to be pure like the good Christian boy I am.” I made a show on grasping at fake pearls and tracing a cross over my chest. 

He laughed out loud. “There’s nothing pure or Christian about you.”

We kept jabbing each other for awhile, pillows were thrown back and forth until the conversation died down again. A little while later, Blaine spoke up again. 

“You know who I found out has an onlyfans?” He muttered quietly, I jumped at the sound of his voice. This was new. 

“Uh, nope but I bet you’ll tell me.”

He smiled. “Dude. Alex’s older sister, Addison.” He was still speaking softly. 

“No way,” I said, feigning enthusiasm. Of course, under the surface I couldn’t care less. I’d rather see an Onlyfans featuring Alex than his sister. But I played along as I always did. 

“Yeah dude, Marty was telling me he found it the other day and while of course I’d never support the degradation of women.. I have been watching.” He hid his eyes shyly, making a show of course, he knew I didn’t care, we talked about porn a lot actually.

“Of course you have.” I said, leaving it at that and going back to what was on tv. Some stupid infomercial on vacuums. 

“You wanna see..?” I was startled, he was asking me if I wanted to watch porn with him? Huh? He must be kidding, but I’d play along. You never quite knew where Blaine was going with this stuff. 

“Umm, sure why not. She’s hot as fuck.” I lied. It was really bothering me lately that I had to fake being into girls, not to mention the fact that I felt like a complete phony. Why couldn’t I have just let the chips fall where they may from the beginning? I try to put that out of my mind now though, not knowing at all where this is going to go.

“Okay, hang on man!”

Blaine ran back to his room, my eyes glued as they always were to his tight round ass stretching his boxers. I put my phone down the second he left the room and rolled my eyes. My dick was still twitching, unsure whether to be hard or not. Blaine and I had never crossed any sexual lines aside from talking about the usual male subjects related to jerking off, porn and sex. But to watch porn together, seemed like a more intimate experience at least to me seeing as what usually accompanies porn. But I certainly wasn’t going to turn him down, not that I ever did. 

“Alright, scoot over.” He said, breaking me of the thoughts running around my head. 

He sat next to me on the couch, close enough that his chiseled arms rubbed up against mine. He sat the computer down on his lap, unfortunately covering up his bulge tucked snugly in his underwear. After several clicks he had it pulled up. 

There were several pictures and videos of the undeniably gorgeous girl in seductive poses showing off her ass and tits, and as Blaine scrolled through several I could definitely see why guys were into her. Just wasn’t my thing. But seeing it again felt very intimate. It was like I was creeping into a world secret to Blaine himself, and the excitement of it had me almost fully hard already. I guess my dick had made up its mind.

“Here,” he said. “This is the one I watched the other day, crazy hot.”

He pulled up a video of Addison, she was strapped to the bed by her hands with a bandana covering her eyes and a very attractive man stood behind her furiously slamming his cock into her over and over. He had her hair tangled in his hands, and her neck was strained as he pulled it back.

“Yeah you fucking nasty bitch, take this big dick. Yeah, you like that shit huh? You fucking like that shit?” He yelled at her through gritted teeth as he pummeled her. 

“Yeah yeah yeah!” She called out. Inwardly I was laughing, it seemed a little fake to me, but all porn did. Although I appreciated the way he was railing her, and it was hot how he talked down to her. Being more of a submissive, I always like a little dirty talk. The hottest thing about the whole experience and what had my dick thumping inside my pants, was the fact that I was sharing this with Blaine. 

“That’s hot,” I said softly, suddenly feeling like we needed to be especially quiet.

“Right?” He said, his eyes glued to the screen. 

I wondered if he was hard, and the longer we watched the more intense my sexual desire seemed to get. I adjusted again, nervous he would see how hard I was and freak out. It was then that I noticed him adjusting as well, and my heart fell into my stomach. 

“Shit, this has me feeling some type of way,” he said, reaching under the computer to adjust himself again. I still couldn’t see what was going on under there, but I licked my lips imagining. 

“Dude, me too.” I muttered honestly.

“I mean.. Shoot, we could rub one out?” He asked, as his eyes darted to me and back. 

My heart started thumping even more loudly in my ears. Had he really just asked me that? Was he being serious? My mind went through various scenarios, all ending with him laughing at me, punching me on the arm and said, are you kidding? Of course we aren’t going to do that. Don’t be gay. 

He must have noticed me being quiet, and he lifted his hands back up to the computer. 

“I mean we don’t have to, I guess that could be weird.” He definitely seemed like he was backing out, suddenly nervous about my reaction. 

I’m panicked. I want to do this more than anything in the world. I’ve wanted to touch him, lick him, feel every part of his body up against mine since the moment I’d met him, but what if this changed things? He was my best friend, probably the person I’d been most close to in my entire life. He seemed to understand me and I him, in a way no one else had. What if this completely derailed that? I don’t know if I could stand that. 

I know I have to answer him, to do something. My dick is still throbbing in my pants, begging for attention, and I decide to let my little head make the decision for me. 

“No no man, not weird, I’m down. I’m horny as fuck right now.” It’s not a lie, although he doesn’t need to know it has nothing to do with the porn we’re watching. 

“Alright cool, me too man. Here, let’s get on the floor.” He says, as we both get up off the couch and crouch down on the carpet, his blond hairy legs touching mine. 

“On three, we whip it out.” He says playfully, looking at me. His adorable dimples making me weak. 

“Alright, one, two, three,” we say in unison as we both pull down our underwear and I see for the first time what I’ve been aching to see for the last six months. If anything, it had to be better than I ever thought. 

His defined V shaped downward, veins sticking out of the skin over a neatly trimmed patch of pubes, and what had to have been a solid eight inches of dick, sticking straight up in the air. It was narrow, but not thin, with a thick vein at the base and perfect missile shaped head at the top. My mouth was literally watering. 

Well that’s out of the way. He laughed nervously, and I noticed he was looking at mine too, until his eyes retreated quickly back to the screen. What was that about? Was it just habit that he looked because it was out in the open? Or was he looking because he wanted to? 

I shut the thoughts out of my head. Just be in the moment. 

We both were quiet, he was taking his dick in his hand with slow strokes. I was doing the same, trying to go much slower than I usually did, noticing that I was very close to cumming already. He sighed, almost moaning as he jerked his big dick. I tried to keep my eyes glued to the porn, but I kept sneaking glances, watching as he picked up the pace slightly, the sound of his skin to skin contact of his hand on his dick ringing in my ears. 

Precum leaked out of the head and over his knuckles. I was awash in pleasure and desire as I watched. Every once in awhile, while I was trying to look at the computer, I would notice him watching me. I tried not to read too much into it, believing it was just habit that he would be looking too. The entire experience had my cock aching to blow it’s load. 

A few minutes in, not a word being spoken, I jumped when I realized his large manly hand reach over and envelope my cock in it. My whole body froze and he repeated what he was doing to his own dick on mine. I let out a soft moan without realizing it, worried that he might stop, but he didn’t. I watched the muscles in his arms flex and roll as he worked both of our dicks. He didn’t say anything and I didn’t either, I was subconsciously flexing trying to hold the orgasm in. My mind was reeling trying to make sense of what was happening. 

“You can touch it too,” he said in a low voice, a hint of desire underlying the statement. I paused for only a moment, then decided to say fuck it and throw caution to the wind. We already made it this far, and I wasn’t backing down now. I wanted it. 

I subtly moved my hand, and wrapped it around his warm, leaking cock. God, it felt so good in my hand, firm and throbbing like mine was. 

It was his turn to let out a moan this time, and he laid his head back slightly as he did, the muscles in his neck straining. I wanted more than anything to kiss his neck, now lined with sweat, but I wouldn’t dare. He was obviously in control of the situation. He was my best friend and our cocks were in each others hands. I couldn’t believe it. 

There had never been any doubt in my mind that he was straight. I never thought anything more of our relationship than that of best friends. Okay sure, I had fallen a bit in love with him, but I knew it was one sided. I knew it and I had accepted it. He never gave any inclination that he was gay or wanted anything more from me than friendship, and yet here we were, crossing a huge line.

His next moan brought me back to reality and I knew I needed to stay in the moment. It might never happen again. 

He gripped my dick harder as he jerked me, and I followed suit, giving it all the attention I could, tugging it and rolling my hand, trying to make him feel as good as he was making me feel. 

“I’m so close,” he said, just as I was thinking the same thing. 

“Me too man,” I said breathlessly. 

Suddenly he sat up, knocking my hand off his cock. I was scared shitless for a moment, thinking he was going to hit me, or yell at me for grabbing his cock, telling me to get out. But instead in one movement, he pushed me down by my chest with his bare foot, and lifted his body completely over me in the 69 position. For a second I thought he was going to put my dick in his mouth but he didn’t, I looked up as his thick eight inch cock was headed straight for my mouth. 

I parted my lips eagerly as he sank the entire length down my throat, I felt his hairy balls scratch against my nose, and I breathed in his masculine, musky, powerful scent. It was heaven. I wasn’t expecting any of this, but I shut that part of my brain off completely now, lost in the lust and desire of the moment. My dick throbbing between my legs. Blaine still hadn’t put his mouth on it, but he was jerking it softly and I could feel his breath on my legs.

I hadn’t expected him to be as forceful, but I really didn’t care. He left his full dick in my throat for a longer than I thought and I tried to suppress the gagging but it didn’t work. I choked and spit came up out of my mouth, coating his pubes. He lifted his cock out, but for only a moment before he plunged it back into the hilt. 

“Fuck.” He grunted. “Hell yeah.” He kept up the process of burying his cock down my throat, waiting a moment and then lifting it back up, only to dig it right back in. I kept choking and gagging, trying to do it softly as he sawed his cock in and out of my mouth, beginning to fuck it like a pussy. 

I latched my hands on his firm, hairy ass as he kept driving his dick in my throat. Everytime he would lift out, I would gasp for air before it slammed back in. I was in literal heaven. He smelled so good, and the way his powerful body felt on my hands was pure ecstasy. I let my hands roam over the body I had craved since day one. I felt all the powerful muscles and sinuses of his soft skin. The dimples of his ass, the strong muscles of his back and I let one hand graze up under to feel his taught six pack, and the light happy trail over his belly button. 

He kept grunting softly, muttering fuck, and yeah man over and over as he dug his dick in and out of my mouth. All you could hear was the sounds of pleasure and the choking, gagging and wet gulps as he raped my mouth.

He kept jerking me softly, and I willed my body not to cum. I didn’t want this to end anytime soon. His breath was hot and humid and both of our bodies were already covered in a light sheen of sweat. 

He pulled off of me suddenly, my mouth vibrating still from the friction. He looked at me for a second, his eyes aflame with desire and hunger. 

“Lay flat on your stomach,” he commanded. I never had heard his voice like that, strong, almost emotionless. My heart dropped again, and I was worried, but I stuffed it again and followed orders. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen, I know what I thought I wanted to happen, but I was awash in my desire to be with him. 

I dropped on my stomach, and I felt Blaine crawl between my legs, pulling them apart with his. I saw his strong forearms prop up beside mine, and I gasped as I felt his cock graze my hole. Was this actually going to happen? 

He kept probing, slight pressure and then retreat, pressure and then retreat. My mind was going nuts, my ass ached from all the teasing, my dick pushing into my stomach was screaming.

I heard him spit, and I allowed myself to look back at him. He was gorgeous, perfect, all male, all animal. Every muscle shown in the dim light from the kitchen, and his chest and cut six pack glistened with sweat only accentuating his already beautiful form. 

He was rubbing the spit over his cock, allowing it to mix with the slobber still hanging on it from my throat, and then I noticed a drop come from his mouth which landed with a thunk on my inviting ass. 

He grabbed my head forcefully and shoved it away so I couldn’t see. It stung a little, but the hungry submissive part of me relished in it. I wanted him to use me. I wanted him inside me, marking me. I wanted him to destroy me. The smaller part of me was screaming, worried that this part of him wasn’t like him and that maybe this wasn’t the best idea. Shut up stupid, I thought. Give in. 

“I’m not gay.” He muttered, matter of fact. “I’m not.”

I tried to turn my head but he kept it down again. 

“I’m not gay,” he said again, and in one fatal swing, he buried his entire cock in my ass. 

There was white hot flame of pain that lit up my entire body. My head was buried on it’s own now in the pillow as I tried to stifle a scream. Some of it still came out, and I heard him hush me quietly. There was no warm up, no loosening up, no pleasure. There was only pain. I had been fucked enough times to know that there was a process to doing this, a mostly pain free way that usually included some form of stretching time. But this wasn’t like that, and I knew it. I felt something break internally, and I knew it was our friendship, it was gone. 

He held his dick in only for a minute, I could feel his tight abs and the sweat from them as they pressed up against my round ass. I could feel his head over me and when I looked out, his arms were completely flexed, his knuckles white from gripping onto the carpet. Then he pulled out, but only a few inches before wrenching back into me again. 

Still, the pain was intense. It burned so much that goosebumps came over my entire body and I bit into the pillow to not make any noise. He kept that up, grunting through gritted teeth as he picked up the pace. All the way in, a few inches out, all the way in, more out, until he withdrew his cock from my battered hole completely. I felt momentary relief as cold air hit my gaping ass, before he rammed it back in completely. 

I forced myself to relax, knowing that if I didn’t, the pain would never go away. Relief hit me then as my hole finally relaxed and gave way to the massive instrument intruding it. He had found a rhythm now, and the slow, slap slap slap of his body ramming into mine filled the room, the porn still playing on the computer in front of us. 

I wondered briefly if he was still watching it, needing it to help him. But soon the pleasure, which had finally come as he scratched over my prostate with his dick, began to overtake me. 

He had begun to rock his hips slightly with every smack of our bodies together. The pleasure was intense as he hit my perfect spot over and over. I felt totally submissive, suddenly I didn’t care that he had taken me so forcefully, seemingly without any care of the pain or what it might do to our friendship. I didn’t care that we may never talk again, and that I might lose the one person I ever felt truly saw me. I only cared about how he was making me feel right now, and how much I wanted him to destroy my ass. I wanted him to rip me in half like an animal. 

I was in a blissful state as he plowed in and out, crashing into me again and again with increasing speed. I gripped onto the pillow, eyes rolling in the back of my head. My entire body was on fire, waves of pleasure crashing into me like waves, not letting me come back up for air. I felt like all of me was right there in my ass, in that one spot, filling up, exploding, emptying and filling again. 

“Oh fuck yeah,” I moaned out quietly. 

“Shut the fuck up,” he said, pushing my head back down. This time, I didn’t let it bother me. Instead I relished in it, hoping he would take it even further. 

“You want this cock,” he whispered, “you fucking like it?” It wasn’t really a question, more a statement. I moaned again, both intentionally and because I couldn't help it. This time, when he exited my ass, I felt his body maneuver sightly to the left of my body, before sinking back in, ravenously bulldozing my ass with his cock, as he placed his bare foot over my face and pushed it down into the pillow. 

“Shut the fuck up!” he said louder this time. My eyes rolled back in my head again, and he gripped my hips so hard with his fingers, that his fingernails cut into my skin. I breathed in the smell from his dirty feet and I was in heaven. 

My thoughts weren’t even cohesive at this point, we were both just animals, and he was giving me everything he had. I was just a hole and he was just using it. My body was only pleasure, it was vibrating, levitating. My cock was numb from being rock solid for so long, and I didn’t dare touch it. 

He continued picking up the pace, I couldn’t believe someone could fuck so hard and fast for so long. I felt the sweat drip from his body, I longed to taste it. His grunts got slightly louder as he pumped. 

“Fuck yeah. Oh fuck I’m gonna fucking cum!” He yelled, his body beginning to spasm and his rhythm becoming completely erratic. 

“Fuck fuck fuuuuuuuuuuck!” He groaned and heaved several more times, and I felt my ass expand and fill up with his warm load. I felt his cock pump for what seemed like forever and I took the opportunity to grab my own cock. I was only two strokes in before volleys of cum shot out all over the carpet, my stomach and hands. 

We both shook uncontrollably as our bodies came down from the intense high of the orgasm, and we were two heaps on the ground breathing. 

I felt him stir a few short minutes later and when I opened my eyes he was staring at me. It was cold, and dark and completely void of emotion. Immediately the high wore off, and I was utterly desolate, coming to terms with all the thoughts I suppressed. We were done. 

“I’m not fucking gay.” He said matter of fact. “I’m not dude. If you ever tell anyone about this I’ll fucking kill you.” He spit the words at me and I hung my head. I wanted to cry, but my body felt as if it had completely shut down, all I felt was shame and regret. 

His words hung in the air like a thick fog. 

“Of course,” I finally muttered. “Never.” I felt like I should say more, but the words simply wouldn’t form. I didn’t know what to say, I just knew that this was a huge mistake and I wished like anything in the world we hadn’t made it. 

“Good.” He said frankly, before he grabbed his underwear and a blanket and crawled in the chair with his back towards me. 

Fuck, I thought.