His Roommate's Friend

Once we were back in the car, the attitude of stiffness Andrew held in the restaurant dissipated quickly.  “I wish I could hold you in my arms right now and kiss every inch of you.  I’m really sorry about behaving that way in there.  I just can’t; not yet.  I want to, but I’m terrified.  I’ve seen what happens when guys admit to being gay.  So many of those people who say it doesn’t matter show their true colors when a guy comes out.”

“And until you’re ready, I won’t say anything.”

“I knew you wouldn’t.  I knew I didn’t even have to ask.  I can read your mind, remember.  Oh, fuck, Jojo.  I feel like a hypocrite.”

“Andrew, you’re just protecting yourself.  I’d walk across campus holding your hand, kissing you even, but I wouldn’t take you to my hometown and do that.  No one would kill us over it, but my family isn’t ready to accept that and I’d rather just exclude them from the equation.  I guess I’m saying that while we’re here, I don’t care who knows, but for your sake, because you do, no one needs to know.”

“You’re a treasure, Jojo.  I don’t deserve a friend like you.  I don’t.”

“That’s not true, and I’m glad that Stuart told you about me.”

“Stuart only told me about you when I pressed him.  I saw you talking to him one day, and I asked him who you were.  He said you were his roommate.  I pushed him to tell me more because… well… because I had the hots for you.  I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”

“You had the hots for me?”  I smiled.  “You didn’t lie about it, Tigerman.  And it’s kind of flattering.  You saw me and found out who I am and went for it.  I’m glad you did.”

“But I’m not the guy you can take to parties.”

“I’m not looking for a guy to take to parties; although the other guys would be jealous.  That’s not what this is about.”

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” Andrew looked down below the horn on the steering wheel.

“You haven’t.  Now, unless you have somewhere you want to go, I’d like to go back to your room.  I want to hold you, and I want you to hold me.”

Andrew looked over at me and smiled.

A banging on the window made me jump.  “Bergman!”  It was one of the jocks from his team.

Andrew rolled down his window.

“Fuck, Bergman.  Don’t you check your text messages?  Coach sent me to get you.  You know he has a tracker on our phones, right.  So you can’t slip away with your boyfriend, here.”

“Fuck you, Butters.  What does Coach want?”

“We got invited to an exhibition game tonight, and we’re leaving right now.  You’ve got just under an hour to be in front of Mays.”

“Then get out of my way, so I can get ready.”  Andrew backed out of the space and drove a little too quickly back to the dorm.  “You’re still coming up to the room with me, right?”

“Sure.”

“I’m sorry, Jojo.  I was looking forward to an afternoon of cuddling.”

“Well, if we’re quick, we can have a cuddle, or I can blow you.  Maybe even a quick you-know.”

“I don’t want to use you; that’s what it would feel like.”

I reached over to touch his arm.  “Then we can just cuddle and kiss.”

“Maybe I can blow you.”

We pulled into his designated parking spot and hurried to his room.  Two guys waited by the door.

“You must be important,” I said.

Andrew scoffed.  “What do you fellas need?”

“We’re here to take you to the bus.  Coach sent us.  He doesn’t want you to waste any time.  Grab your bag, Bergman, and let’s go.”

“I need to take care of a few things, first.”

“That’s what Coach thought you’d say.  That’s why he sent us.  Grab the bag.”

Andrew looked back at me, a look of hopelessness in his eyes.  I watched him take ten seconds to unlock his room, grab a bag, and lock the room back up.  “See you when you get back.”

“Later, Joseph.”

I watched them disappear down the hall.  I felt alone.  I went back to my room and crawled into bed with my clothes on.  I had homework to complete, but I didn’t care.  I closed my eyes and remembered how the two of us felt together in the bed.  I held my pillow close to me.  It wasn’t at all the same.  I’d known the man only a few days and was already missing him.  By the time I fell asleep, there were more than a few tears on my pillow.

When I woke up, it was late in the evening.  I guess that's what I get for having so much fun the night before.  I took a shower and did some serious studying.  I snacked on some cashews that Stuart’s mother sent him.  She usually sends two cans every month along with some cookies.  Stuart doesn’t like cashews, and he was more than happy to unload them on me.  I love them.  I could eat a whole can in one study session.

My phone chirped during the study session.  It was Andrew.

“Did my best, JJ, but we lost.”

“Spidy senses tell me TM always does his best,” I wrote back.

“LOL.  Wish I were on campus now.”

“Me2.  Alone and studying.  There’s that.”

“Need you to help me study.”

“Let me know best time.  I’ll help.”

“I knew I could count on you.”  His words made me feel less alone.

“Back tomorrow?” I asked.

“Yep.  Coach wants us on the bus now.  Let you know when I’m close.”

“You always do.”  I wondered whether I should put that part in.  I erased it and wrote, “Later, then.”

I studied for a few more hours.  As soon as I began to feel drowsy, I grabbed the spare pillow and crawled into bed.  I could smell Andrew’s cologne on that pillow.  I hadn’t noticed that before, and I felt good inside.  He was on his way back.

I reached down and touched my pucker.  I remembered the feeling of Andrew as he stimulated me there.  His tongue playing against my hole and the friction driving me crazy.  I wet my fingers and pushed them inside me.  He had finger fucked me, and he had done an excellent job of it.  My fingers were a poor substitute.  Then he had fucked me with his dick.  His cock stretched me open.  I recalled the sensation of his erection hitting my prostate.

I continued to finger myself as my other hand began to move up and down my hard, throbbing shaft.  “Oh, Andrew, my Tigerman,” I muttered, “fuck me, fuck me hard.  I love you, baby.  I want you.  I want you so much.  Oh, oh, yes.”  I spewed forth my seed.  The pillowcase that smelled like Andrew soaked up my scent as well.  I closed my eyes and thought of houses with white picket fences and children and dreamed dreams that gay men weren’t allowed to dream only years before.

I woke up that next morning when Stuart came back.   He was in a grumpy mood.  He told me that he and Janet fought on the way back.  I kept waiting for him to mention Andrew, but he seemed to not have a clue about him.  Finally, after he wore himself out talking about how bitchy she was and how he should dump her but that she was good in the sack, he asked, “What did you do while I was gone?”

“Thankfully, Roger left right after you did.”

“Sorry about that.  We’ve been friends for so long, but he can be a jerk sometimes.”

“I met your friend Andrew.”

“Yeah?  Did he come here looking for me?  I thought I told him that I’d be gone this weekend.  He’s one of our best basketball players, you know.  Of course, when the rest of the team sucks, it doesn’t matter how good you are.  It is a team sport, after all.”

“I don’t keep up with any of the sports, so…”

“Yeah, I think I told him that.  For some reason, we started talking about roommates.  I bet you two didn’t have much in common.”

“It didn’t seem that way.  We talked for a long time.  We even had lunch earlier yesterday.  He’s a nice guy.”

Stuart turned and looked at me for several moments.  “You know he’s got a girl back home, right?”

“We didn’t talk about her; it was mostly school stuff,” I said.

“OK.  You’re my roommate, and I should watch out for you.  Just like you would tell me if there were something that might hurt me.”

“What might hurt me?”

“Maybe nothing.  Andrew is straight.  Are you?”

Ordinarily, I would have told him right out, but I hesitated.  Would Andrew be affected?  “I’m gay Stuart, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

“Andrew is off-limits.”

“You mean I’m not allowed to have straight friends?  Or I’m not allowed to have friends on the basketball team.”

Stuart took a deep breath.  “No.  That’s not what I mean.  Andrew’s handsome, an athlete, easy to talk to, but he’s taken.”

“You think he’s handsome.  And you’re friends with him, but you don’t want him to be friends with me.”

“What?”

“Isn’t that what you’re saying about me?”

Stuart looked down at the floor.  “OK.  Maybe I’m wrong to say anything.  I just don’t want you to think he’s someone you could date or become involved with.”

“I appreciate your concern.  Andrew is a possible friend.  We’ve just met, and we barely know one another.”   I walked over to my bed and straightened the pillow.  I flipped the spare one over so the cum stains weren’t visible.  “Hey, want to go down for some breakfast?”  I grabbed my phone and checked for messages.  There were none.

“Yeah,  I could use some bacon,” Stuart laughed.  “But then, who couldn’t.”

I followed him to the dining hall.  What’s the deal with this girlfriend, I wondered.  I’m sure it’s nothing; Andy would not use me.  I know it.

There seemed to be a lot of commotion when we got to the cafeteria.  I went through the line and got some scrambled eggs with a few strips of bacon.  The waffle machine was unoccupied, so I made myself a waffle, got some apple juice, and went to find Stuart.  I saw him holding his tray talking to a group of students.  Some of the women were crying, and some of the men looked as though they wanted to.

Stuart came over and practically dropped his tray on the table.  “This is horrible, Joseph.  It’s just awful.”

I swallowed the bite of the waffle I’d been chewing.  “What is?”  I reached for the apple juice.

“The bus… the bus with the basketball team on it… there’s been an accident.  It went into the river.  They’re saying some of the guys drowned and some are missing.  This is horrible.”

I suddenly felt cold.  I wanted to throw up.  I stood up and ran out of the room.  I took the stairs two at a time to get back to the room.  By the time I got the door unlocked and went inside.  My vision was blurry from the tears.  I found my phone.  Still no messages.

“Please, God, please,” I mumbled.

“Tell me you’re OK,” I texted.  

I looked up and saw Stuart.  He closed the door behind him.  He came over to me and looked into my eyes.  “Oh, fuck.  You’re already in love with him, aren’t you?”

My lips trembled, and I couldn’t speak.  I nodded as huge tears fell to the carpet.