Fist To The Heart

Baby, You’re A Fighter

Busy with the flight back, and getting readjusted to the different hour, Ruslan hadn’t had much time to think of all the troubles expecting him at home. Home. That was a strange word. Officially, he didn’t have one anymore since he had given his house to Johnny, and he had no plans of getting back there.

The problem was that he couldn’t keep himself from thinking about his former lover. Martin had promised him that they would talk about the circumstances of Douglas’s death, but that had been the only conversation they had.

Now his head was full of questions, and the most nagging one wasn’t related to his grandfather and what might have happened to him. Ruslan knew, deep down in his heart, that he could not go there, and nurture any foolish hope. At this point, it was all in his head, and he needed to keep himself distracted and not let that glimmer of hope get in the way.

That brought him to what felt like an equally pressing matter, which was Johnny fighting his life away. Ruslan knew he had no right to think of him at all, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling. By running away, Ruslan had thought he would accomplish that. What he felt was the total opposite.

The hotel room he had reserved over the phone before landing was as non-descriptive as any other accommodation of the kind. The lack of familiarity of the impersonal setting was getting to him in a way he could not completely understand.

As a teenager, while struggling to survive together with Yanis on the streets, he could not bring himself to think of such things. There was no point to miss a home when they hadn’t had one.

Yet, now, Ruslan felt what most people must have experienced when in a strange place away from home. At first, he had just blamed it on missing his father’s home in Russia already, but he knew that was a lie he was telling himself. Even if he did miss everyone back there, especially his dad and Sergei, the feeling he had when he thought of his new family was mellow and subdued.

Nothing like the red iron pressed raw against his heart. Ruslan knew well what that was all about, but from the moment he had finished that letter and given it to Yanis to forward it to the rightful recipient, he had told himself that that door was closed on both his feelings and his heart.

It was his mind, however, going places where it wasn’t supposed to. He needed to keep his promise and stay away. Even if that meant ripping his heart in two, and let it bleed while thinking of Martin’s words about how Johnny was killing himself in a ring, somewhere.

He tossed and turned, incapable of sleep. The room service food was probably worthy of the most pretentious palate, but it tasted like paper in his mouth. He tried the wine, but that tasted too sour, too.

Ruslan decided to get out of bed and stop fighting the jet lag. Maybe he could get out a little, walk the familiar streets for a while, and clear his head. There was time to call Martin tomorrow, and now he could use this time for himself.

Only for Johnny, there was no time. Where was he now? What was he doing? Had Martin exaggerated? It was hard to believe. Martin was the most objective man he had ever known; there was no possible way he wasn’t telling the truth.

Ruslan took his coat and walked outside. Putting one hand in his pocket, he grabbed his phone and took it out. For a while, his fingers hovered over the screen. He knew the phone number by heart, but maybe there was no longer someone at the other end of the line. Maybe Johnny had changed his phone number, just like Ruslan had.

There was only one person who knew he was coming, and that was Martin. It had to remain that way, no matter what he thought or what he felt. He owed it to himself, but most of all, to Johnny. Without a doubt, his former lover didn’t want to see him, after the last words they exchanged before being kidnapped and dragged to that awful place.

For a moment, back there, he had doubted Johnny. For that, he couldn’t find forgiveness in his soul. But Johnny had been above the situation, knowing how to play Nigel, how to make him dance to his tune so he could find a way out. And for whom had that way out been? For him, Ruslan. Not one moment, Johnny had thought about his life, about himself, or even about his sick mother.

He had walked into that ring, knowing that he might not get out of there alive. Ruslan could still his heart throbbing painfully, only remembering that night. Johnny hadn’t looked at him, not directly, his eyes just gliding over him. Despite all that, he had only thought of Ruslan and no one else.

Johnny had been magnificent that night, Ruslan thought. Every beat of his heart had gone to him, every moment Johnny had seemed down pure torture. And, in the end, he had made it and had Ruslan walk away, free. It didn’t matter that the goon accompanying him had had other plans. It was only because of Johnny that he knew how to fend for himself.

He put the phone back into his pocket. If Johnny was fighting again, it was his choice and not Ruslan’s place at all to intervene. He had given up on the right to have a say about what Johnny did or didn’t, and he had done that because he had no right.

The fact that Johnny fought couldn’t have anything to do with him. He had been a fighter all his life, Ruslan told himself. Of course, he had left him some money, so finances couldn’t be an issue, but Johnny did what he knew and liked.

Again, there was no point to intervene.

But what if - Ruslan’s brain began to wander - it was because of him that Johnny was on a self-destructive path? It was his duty to see him and tell him that he shouldn’t do that.

Ruslan shook his head. What was he thinking? Johnny must have hated him for what he had done. If there had been any chance for any feelings to survive, they must have been destroyed when Ruslan had abandoned him.

So, it couldn’t be anything else but wishful thinking and a terribly wrong sense of entitlement on his part to think that whatever Johnny was doing had anything to do with him whatsoever.

Still, did he really not care? He did, but what could he do? He took out his phone and this time dialed the well-known phone number. For a while, he waited while the ringtone played in the background, each repetition making him nervous. Maybe Johnny didn’t care about answering private numbers.

The beep let him know he was sent to voicemail. He put back the phone into his coat. There was no place in Johnny’s life for him now. Whatever choices Johnny made, they were his to make.

***

The city hadn’t changed much, Ruslan thought, as he stepped in front of a store window. He didn’t see what was in front of him, as his reflection, with shoulders slumped, and deep shadows on his face were what he was staring at.

In the end, he had settled for walking around the block, without going too far from his hotel. In a way, that felt as if he kept an invisible thread to everything that was supposed to pull him back from making other bad decisions.

Tomorrow, he would see Martin and ask him the questions he wanted to ask. And then, he would just hop on another plane and fly back to his family, the only one he had in the world right now.

With a deep sigh, he turned and walked directly into someone. “So sorry,” he mumbled and tried to pass by the person he had unintentionally bumped into.

“No shit,” the reply came.

Ruslan’s eyes shot up. “Yanis,” he said, feeling his breath catching in his throat. His best friend wasn’t exactly someone he wanted to meet.

Yanis had been quite clear about what he thought about Ruslan moving to Russia and leaving Johnny behind. And him. They hadn’t talked since then.

“Are you back? And what the hell, not one phone call? Don’t tell me you don’t know how to use a phone anymore? And what did you eat in Russia? You look like supermodels ready to faint on the catwalk.”

Ruslan shook his head in mirth. Yanis had no idea how close he was in surmising that. “That’s exactly what my sisters had in store for me.”

“Your Russian sisters? So they decided to starve you to death so that they could make money off you?”

“Yanis, I swear, sometimes your mind is full of crap. They just thought I would make a great fashion model. And nobody starved me. Actually, they begged me to eat. And they had great food, in case you’re thinking of other crap now.”

Yanis caught him by the shoulders. “I missed you.”

Ruslan looked into his friend’s eyes. “I missed you, too.”

“You’re a fucking liar,” Yanis replied, but there was no bite in his voice as he said that. “Russia is not on the moon. Or didn’t your daddy let you make phone calls? Does he live in a dungeon or something?”

“No,” Ruslan protested. “Seriously, Yanis. I didn’t call because …” He trailed off without offering an explanation. He didn’t have one.

“Yeah, you’re an ass. I thought so,” Yanis concluded. “But now that you’re here, let’s hang out.”

“I am still jet-lagged, and I don’t think getting drunk is a good idea.”

“Bullshit. You can drink anyone I know under the table. Plus, if we don’t hang out now, when will we? I bet you already have the ticket back in your pocket. By the way, how come you’re here?”

Ruslan chose to be vague. “Some unfinished business.”

“And then you’re going back?” Yanis questioned.

“Yes,” Ruslan said the truth.

“That’s fucked up, man. Do you even know any Russian? Say something in Russian.”

“Stop testing me. No, I don’t know any Russian.”

“You’ve been gone for months. How come you haven’t learned anything?”

“I was busy,” Ruslan replied, feeling a bit clipped.

“Let’s go, and you can tell me all. Unless, of course, it was some mafia business you’re talking about.”

“Cut it out, Yanis,” Ruslan said and punched his friend playfully into his shoulder. “I see that you want to get me drunk, whether I like it or not.”

“Hey, I just want us to talk like friends.” Yanis put his hands up in surrender. “Like the prick you are, you left and never called. C’mon, I know a place.”

Since their dealings during the time when Ruslan had been adopted by Douglas had had to remain a secret, they didn’t have a preferred watering hole. It was just some drinks, and he owed that to Yanis.

The feeling that he was out of place in that city was starting to wear off. It must have had something to do with meeting Yanis.

***

“So you practically moved from one mansion to another? Man, the way rich people live,” Yanis said, as Ruslan finished talking about his home in Russia.

“They were all very welcoming there, but it took quite a while to feel like it was home.”

“What does your daddy do? Does he do normal stuff, like other people?”

Ruslan glared at Yanis. His friend’s fascination with Vladimir was bordering on annoying. It seemed like it was all Yanis wanted to talk about. “Yes. He’s just like everyone. Actually, he’s quite a good father.”

“That’s good, I guess.”

“So tell me about you and Anya. Any plans to expand the family?” Ruslan elbowed his friend suggestively.

“We sure have those. I got an idea! You must be my first born’s godfather.”

“Yanis, do you want someone who lives on the other side of the planet to be your kid’s godfather?”

“Why not? You’re loaded.” Yanis shrugged and made a sign for the waitress to come by with more drinks.

Ruslan felt a little bit of a buzz. He usually held his liquor well, but he had lost so much weight lately, and he hadn’t cared about eating enough, that even the few drinks they had were getting to his head, regardless of his natural tolerance.

“I think you should ask someone else. I’m not planning many trips back here,” Ruslan said.

“All right. Maybe I’ll ask Johnny.”

And here came the topic of conversation Ruslan had tried to stay away throughout the evening. He grabbed the glass in front of him and drank half of it in one gulp.

“What? Aren’t you going to ask me about him?”

“No,” Ruslan said stubbornly and stared into his glass as if it could offer him the right answers.

“You really don’t care, do you? Damn, I never thought I’d tell you this, Ruslan, but you’re kind of a major asshole. That guy fought like a fucking champion, just to save your skinny ass.”

Ruslan revolted. “My ass isn’t skinny. You should know.”

“Hmm,” was Yanis’s immediate reply. “I do. And I also know that you did a number on Johnny by running away.”

“I didn’t run away,” Ruslan protested. “It was the wise thing to do. And what do you mean by that?”

“By what?” Yanis suddenly pretended he was mentally challenged.

“By what you said,” Ruslan said sternly, but his words were a bit slurred. “How did I do a number on Johnny?”

“All he does, every day, is fight. Nothing else. I can’t even talk to him.”

“Why is he fighting? He could not have possibly spent the money I left him.”

“He’s not touching that.”

Ruslan’s heart sank. He had the confirmation that Johnny was mad at him still. “Well, he should. I left everything to him for a reason.”

“Yeah, but the problem is that you left. Man, I’m telling you. Maybe it’s not my place --”

“It’s not,” Ruslan cut his friend’s speech in half.

“Okay, then it is. Go talk to the guy. Say goodbye properly. Don’t be a basic bitch.”

“Wow, does Anya know you’re stealing her vocabulary?”

“You know what I mean. You owe it to the guy. His lungs are not in good shape, you know? The doctors told him not to fight anymore.”

“And? I thought I left you in charge to keep him from fighting,” Ruslan replied.

“And how am I supposed to do that? He’s like two hundred pounds of muscles and bones. He’d go through me like this.” Yanis illustrated his words by punching his open palm.

Ruslan sighed. “I told him everything I wanted to tell him when I left.”

“In a letter. Like a fucking coward. That was what he said after he read it,” Yanis said.

“I guess he’s right. I couldn’t stand him hating me and looking at me, knowing what I did to get him there.”

“Bullshit,” Yanis replied. “You’re scared to commit.”

“Who? Me? You’re not one to talk,” Ruslan shot back.

“Hey, I bit the bullet, and I’m married now. Anya knows everything about me, where I am, what I do, all the frigging time.”

“Well, you didn’t place her in mortal danger, so there’s no room for comparison,” Ruslan concluded. “I think I had enough to drink. Could we call it a night?”

“Let’s stop by my gym. The boys will want to see you, and I also want you to see what I did with the place.”

“Did you renovate it?”

“Of course I did. You left me some cash, too, or you don’t remember that?” Yanis joked.

Ruslan shook his head. “All right. But after that, I seriously need to crash. There’s somewhere I need to be tomorrow, and I don’t plan on having a pounding headache and bloodshot eyes when I wake up.”

“C’mon, it’s just a little detour. Then I’ll call you a cab.”

Yanis stood up, and his phone pinged. He rubbed his chin and smiled as he read whatever text he got.

“What was that all about?” Ruslan asked.

“Just Anya.”

“Maybe you should go home to her.”

“Nah, she’s staying with some friends, and I’ll go take her home later. Let’s go.”

Ruslan followed Yanis without another word of protest. He was a bit too tired to fight with his best friend right now. Plus, he would be gone again soon, and maybe these were the only times when they could hang out.

***

Ruslan stopped dead in his tracks the moment he entered Yanis’s old gym. It wasn’t the fact that the place looked like new, but what was going on inside that made him do that. Annoyed beyond means, he turned toward Yanis. “What the hell? Since when you’re hosting fights?”

Yanis grinned and pushed him, making him walk. “It was a surprise.”

“Well, consider me surprised enough. Now, I should go home and sleep.”

He had sworn off watching any fights or contact sports of any kind since that night when he witnessed Johnny fighting to save his skinny ass, as Yanis bluntly put it. He could not stand one moment watching men trying to beat the crap out of each other.

Yanis cared not one iota about that and now had one arm hooked over his shoulders, and was forcing him to walk until they reached the front row. A few guys from Yanis’s gang stood up to make enough room for them and welcomed Ruslan with pats on the back and warm words.

“Is there some big fight tonight?” Ruslan asked, feeling restless, and barely keeping himself on the seat.

“Yeah. As you can see, we have a full house. Business is going well.”

“I’m glad for you,” Ruslan said through his teeth.

“Well, your money was put to good use. If you ever come back, there’s a share I keep for you.”

“I’m only visiting, Yanis.”

He didn’t have time to protest more, as the fighters for tonight’s match climbed into the ring. A jolt went through him, and Ruslan stood up. Yanis caught his hand, dragging him down. “You should stay and see,” his friend told him.

Ruslan stared at Yanis, trying to read his eyes. “Did you plan this?”

Yanis was still holding one of his wrists into an iron hold. “I think you should quit being a fucking coward, and watch what you made of him.”

“Yanis, I can’t look at him,” Ruslan said in a begging voice.

“If you could leave him as you did, I think you can look at him one more time.”

“I thought you were on my side.”

“I am,” Yanis said solemnly. “And that’s part of it. Just watch him fight.”

Ruslan had a mind to force himself free out of Yanis’s hold, but he knew well he couldn’t be a match for his friend, especially now when he was still a bit under the influence of alcohol. As his eyes were drawn to what was happening in the ring, he felt completely sobered up, though. Yanis was right. If he was the one who had done this to Johnny, he had to watch.

He felt his heart grow smaller, as he took in his former lover. Johnny looked good, and not many would have suspected that only months ago, he had been in a fight for his life. Yanis said his lungs were bad, and that wasn’t easy to see, but in a way, that made things more dangerous. It meant that Johnny could ignore his health issue, and continue to fight like nothing was wrong with him.

Johnny’s eyes traveled over the audience, as always. Ruslan still remembered that. He had asked Johnny about it one time, and his former lover had just told him jokingly that he was scouting for hot guys he could fuck after the bout.

Was that what he was doing now? Johnny must have had plenty to choose from. Ruslan had been drawn to him, that first time they had met, and the man’s animal magnetism was more powerful than ever.

Ruslan let his eyes travel over Johnny’s strong body longingly. How many times had he taken all that he had for granted? How many times had he kept his lover into his arms, thinking that nothing and no one would ever tear them apart? It looked like he only needed to search for obstacles close to home. In the end, he was the only one to blame for all that had happened.

He couldn’t look away. He knew it was a mistake and one for which he would pay dearly, but his gaze remained on Johnny, his mind filled with so many moments when they had been together, happy and in love.

Ruslan raised his head enough for his eyes to meet Johnny’s dark ones. His breath caught in his chest, and he froze on the spot. Under the furrowed thick brows, Johnny’s eyes were cold and distant.

As they were supposed to be. What could he expect? But Yanis was right; he needed to see this through, and maybe, just tell Johnny there was no point in doing that, in throwing his life away, for the sake of someone who wasn’t worth it.

The referee’s whistle made Johnny’s eyes move away from him. Like the deadly weapon he was, the fighter came down on his opponent.

Ruslan needed to close his eyes and let this pass. But he couldn’t do that, his entire being drawn to the rippling muscles on Johnny’s back, the old wounds still there, to how the man’s punch flew whipcord fast from his shoulder like a sling, to the thin layer of sweat on his dark skin.

He drew one big inhale and kept it until he felt dizzy. There was no way he could look away. If this was the last time he ever saw Johnny, it had to be in a ring. That was how they met, and it would be how they would finally go separate ways, in the end.

Johnny hated him, and Ruslan wanted to listen to every single word his former lover needed to throw at him. Maybe then he would have closure and be able to move on and live his life.

He kept his breath when Johnny fell to the ground. The fighter seemed to breathe with difficulty as he pulled himself together. The crowd was booing, making Ruslan cover his ears. They had no right to do that; they didn’t know what a wonderful man was fighting in that ring, tonight.

It was clear that Johnny’s first round of attacks had left him almost breathless, and was losing more and more. Ruslan wiped the tears on his cheeks with the back of his hands, feeling angry and helpless, just like that time.

The other was backing Johnny into the ropes, and Ruslan knew as much that wasn’t a good place to be. “Johnny!” he yelled and shot up to his feet.

Apparently, it had been the wrong thing to do because Johnny seemed startled for a fraction of a second, and his opponent managed to strike him and send him down.

The referee started to count. Ruslan ran to the side where Johnny lay. At some point, Yanis had let go of his wrist. “Johnny!” he called.

The cold dark eyes stared at him.

“Get up,” Ruslan demanded in an urgent voice, his tears now flowing freely down his cheeks.

“Why?” Johnny asked.

Over the deafening noise, Ruslan could only make what Johnny said by reading the movement of his lips. “Because you always win!”

His words were met with a blank stare.

“Because I’m not worthy of this,” Ruslan yelled at him.

“Try harder,” Johnny mouthed.

The count was closing to an end.

“Because I love you,” Ruslan managed, more like a whisper.

Johnny grinned and pushed himself to his feet. Ruslan didn’t return to his place and just stayed there, watching as Johnny went back to the fight.

No other round was needed. The next time the referee counted, Johnny’s opponent remained on the ground.

***

“Do I have to guard the door, to make sure that you’ll go see him and not run away again?” Yanis asked.

“Tell me where and I’ll go,” Ruslan replied, still wiping his eyes.

After the match, Johnny had disappeared, and now Ruslan waited. Yanis gestured for him to follow.

Johnny had lived plenty of his life like this, in old gyms and the ring. Ruslan could not help but think how much he had changed Johnny’s life, complicating it, and even putting the man he loved in danger’s way. Whatever Johnny had in store for him, he would take it like a man.

“I think I’ll do this alone,” Ruslan told Yanis as soon as they stopped in front of a door.

“Are you sure?” Yanis smiled at him.

“You’re enjoying this way too much,” Ruslan replied. “I have a mind to take you inside with me and use you as a punching bag. I bet Johnny wouldn’t hold back just because it’s you, not me.”

Yanis grimaced and pretended to tremble in fear. “I’ll leave you to it. Just tell Johnny I’ll meet with him later.”

“You can just talk to him directly as soon as I finish here.”

“I have no idea how much time your makeup sex would take,” Yanis replied. “And I’m not one to bother people when they’re fucking.”

Despite the turmoil in his soul, Ruslan laughed. “You have a very vivid imagination, Yanis. There will be no such thing.”

Yanis shrugged. “Don’t complain tomorrow that you can’t sit or walk.”

Ruslan shook his head with mirth. “Just go away. You’ll have Johnny all to yourself later.”

He turned toward the door. With Yanis gone now, his courage was fading away. But it was now or never. He put one hand up and started knocking.

“Come in,” a rough voice said from inside.

It was strange to feel so nervous, but Ruslan could feel his hand sweating, slipping over the door handle as he let himself inside.

Johnny was sitting on a chair, and it looked like he was caring for some scrapes on his knuckles. A single look for him made Ruslan stop in the door.

“Come in and close the door,” Johnny ordered curtly.

Ruslan obeyed and moved slowly toward his former lover. The room smelled of Johnny’s sweat, so familiar it was making him tremble. He knew that scent so well, how comforting it had been for him so many times.

“I --” Ruslan started.

He jumped one step back as Johnny stood up, taking in his entire field of view. He walked backward, not fast, but matching each of Johnny’s steps, until his back hit the door. Johnny raised one hand, and Ruslan stood there, like a deer caught in the headlights.

If Johnny wanted to slap him, Ruslan would still forgive him. It was his right, after all, after everything he had been put through by someone who was supposed to care for him and love him above all else.

But the hand raised didn’t descend on him to hit him. Instead, it pushed his hair gently behind one ear and then moved slowly to cup the back of his head and pull him close.

“Pretty,” Johnny said lovingly, and closed the distance between them, making the long months spent apart disappear into the air like mist.

Ruslan keened softly as Johnny kissed him, a bit too roughly maybe. Johnny’s hands were everywhere now, touching him, pulling at his clothes, while their mouths devoured each other. He couldn’t resist; his body was singing under the calloused fingers, searching for skin, dragging long lines over it, wherever they could find it.

When Johnny hiked him up against the door, he had no choice but to lift one leg and wrap it around his lover. Johnny helped him with the other, never letting go of his mouth, kissing him until they were both out of breath.

Johnny put his hands under Ruslan’s ass and caught him into a tight embrace. He walked with him in his arms like that across the room, until they found the bed and fell on it.

“Johnny,” Ruslan called as he pulled his mouth free with difficulty and kept his lover’s face into his hands to look at him.

The coldness in the dark eyes was far gone now; instead, now they were filled with fire, and Ruslan was afraid, but still daring to look into them from up close. “We should talk,” he whispered.

“No,” Johnny replied. “I’m done talking to you.”

What was that supposed to mean? Ruslan couldn’t ask, as his mouth was taken once again. He had no idea how, but he was half naked now, panting under Johnny’s muscular frame. A jolt of pleasure coursed through him as Johnny pushed his shirt away, reaching for his nipples with rough fingers and a hungry mouth.

This wasn’t right, but it felt too good to deny it. Ruslan knew he must have sounded like an animal in heat, no longer in control of his voice, or even of his body. His bones were like jelly, his entire being like putty into Johnny’s hands that were deftly pulling him out of his clothes.

The coolness of the air against his naked skin when Johnny stood up just a little to pull away his pants felt real, and for a moment, he wanted to protest. But Johnny was all over him again, pushing his legs apart, and pressing his crotch against his.

Would it be a sin to let it go? Ruslan’s thoughts were a mess, and he allowed his body manipulated into position. Johnny was quick to keep him in place as if he was afraid Ruslan would bolt out the door if left for just one moment to move or breathe on his own accord.

He kissed back with all his might when Johnny’s lips reached his again. He kissed his lover like he never kissed anyone before, and let his hands wander on the broad shoulders, and down the scarred back which he loved so much.

“Don’t move,” Johnny said and got up.

Without the other’s weight to keep him grounded, Ruslan felt the familiar restlessness from before coming in full force. He pushed himself up, but a stern look from Johnny made him stop.

“Are we really not going to talk?” he asked and circled his knees with his arms as if he was trying to protect himself from something he could not entirely understand.

“I’ve talked to you every day in my head since you left,” Johnny replied. “I had enough of that.”

Ruslan swallowed nervously and looked away. The hurt was there; not the hate, that wasn’t it, and what he felt coming at him in waves from his lover wasn’t that. There was only love there, and it was all-engulfing, in the way Johnny kissed him, touched him, and looked at him.

He buried his face into the crook of his elbows, trying to shield himself from the wave of emotions washing over him, like a broken dam. Johnny came closer and pushed him gently on his back.

Familiar fingers were probing his body, preparing him, a bit impatiently, and Ruslan was thankful for it. He hadn’t had sex in so long, he might just break. But Johnny must have known that, as his fingers moved a little more gently, and Ruslan could feel his body opening up for the only one who was allowed to be there.

He still bit his bottom lip hard as Johnny pushed inside him. Ruslan could feel the physical hurt but wanted to laugh at himself at the same time. He must have forgotten how big Johnny was, in every aspect of his body. Now his muscles were getting reacquainted, and it was no easy feat.

But the pain was dull, fading away like all that had felt wrong lately, taking with it everything Ruslan had ever worried about. This was his lover, penetrating him, making him feel, doing things to him that no one else could.

Johnny grunted above him as he moved, a bit abruptly. Ruslan could feel a hand in his hair, pulling hard, and whimpered softly. The harder Johnny took him, the more yielding he was. His lover imposed a rhythm that was maybe too fast, too demanding, but Ruslan couldn’t bring himself to care.

Rough lips were taking his, biting them, licking them, pushing and pulling. His mouth was penetrated just like his body, and Ruslan wanted more and more of that. The friction was insane, and he longed to touch himself, but couldn’t with Johnny on top of him like that.

He could feel the other’s hard abs pressing against his cock, and with the pressure mounting from inside his ass, he couldn’t last anymore. His blunt fingernails dug into Johnny’s back as he moaned into the kiss they shared.

Johnny slowed down, feeling him. If asked, Ruslan couldn’t say how Johnny could do that, always feel everything happening to him. He caressed the sweaty shoulders, inhaling the familiar male scent.

Johnny pulled away, and Ruslan looked at his engorged cock that looked even larger than what he remembered. “You didn’t --” he tried to say, but he was hushed by his lover who climbed the bed, embraced him, and made them both roll over.

“Move,” Johnny ordered and slapped his ass.

Ruslan threw his lover a sideways glance.

“Don’t you want to apologize? Do it like you mean it, pretty,” Johnny added with a grin.

Ruslan laughed and shook his head. It was easy to grab Johnny’s cock and align it with his ass. Descending on it was a bit challenging, as the angle was making the other’s cock push deeper than before. Ruslan could feel his breathing stop for a second or so.

Johnny pulled at his spent cock hard. “Ride me, baby. Or did you forget how?”

Ruslan couldn’t believe it, how they could be like that as if they hadn’t spent one day apart. His body didn’t agree, but it wasn’t like that was important. Ruslan began moving, getting into the rhythm that both he and Johnny knew and loved so much.

But Johnny didn’t seem in the mood at all to let him lead, even if he had asked for that just earlier. Instead, he pulled Ruslan to him and began to pound into him hard from below. Now Yanis’s joke about not being able to sit or walk the next day made perfect sense. Ruslan knew he would feel whatever was happening at the moment and not only the next day.

Johnny had a hand in his hair again, apparently fascinated with it. During his time in Russia, he had let it grow too long, as he couldn’t bother to cut it or do anything else except for routine grooming. It made it easier for Johnny to hold on to it, and use it to control Ruslan.

There was no need for that, as Ruslan couldn’t want to be anywhere else on the entire planet. Yet, he felt that was reassuring for Johnny, his own way to express what he was feeling.

The cock in his ass was a fantastic thing, larger than ever, deeper than ever. He was hammered like a sex doll, and he couldn’t complain. If Johnny wanted to use him until he broke, he wouldn’t mind.

“Let me see you, pretty,” Johnny said as he finally let go of him a little. “Move into my cock like you always did.”

His lover’s voice was breathless, and Ruslan could tell that he might be close. He began moving rhythmically, squeezing Johnny’s cock with his ass as hard as he could.

Johnny reached for his face with one hand and pushed his thumb into Ruslan’s mouth. Guided by instinct, he began sucking on it. “Yes, like this, baby, like this. Suck on it and milk my cock with your sexy ass.”

Usually, Johnny wasn’t a big talker in bed. But right now, his words were driving Ruslan crazy with renewed want. His own cock was slapping against his belly as he moved faster and faster. Mercifully, Johnny grabbed hold of it and began pumping it with his other calloused hand.

This time, they fell together, down the path of no return, their moans and grunts and words they had been meaning to say to each other now found and told. Johnny freed his mouth and his cock to grab his hips and hold him down as he pushed himself off the bed as if he wanted to be one with Ruslan forever.

He was also the one to pull Ruslan close and cradle him into his arms. Exhausted, they fell asleep, or, at least, that was what Ruslan could tell, as his eyelids dropped, heavy with tiredness. The worries of the day before were long gone.

***

It wasn’t the same when he woke up with what seemed to be the first rays of the sun, filtered through the windows. He made a move to get up, but Johnny was holding him so tightly that he couldn’t budge a limb. “Johnny,” he whispered. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

Johnny blinked slowly as he woke up, too, and freed him. Ruslan limped as he climbed out of bed, and winced when he felt the pain in his backside. Without a word, he headed for the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

A look in the mirror was telling him all he needed to know. He was a total mess. When the hell had he become so gaunt, though? Yanis was right, after all, and his dad, too. He had lost too much weight.

But that wasn’t the only shock he needed to face as he took his reflection in. His hair was a bird's nest, his lips were swollen and red, and there were marks on his chest and shoulders that he couldn’t remember how they landed there.

On top of everything, though, he felt like a fraud. What kind of man was he? Johnny wanted him back, but was it the right thing? Could they allow their attraction and lust to get to their heads so quickly?

Ruslan turned the water on and splashed his face. He would take a shower later, at the hotel. For now, no matter how right Johnny’s drying sperm on the inside of his thighs felt, he needed to go back there and explain to the other why he couldn’t stay.

Johnny was fully awakened now and was sitting on the edge of the bed, still completely naked. Ruslan let his eyes wander over that magnificent body with longing, but caught himself in time.

“Johnny,” he started. “I should go.”

“Where?” Johnny asked, his eyes trained on him. “Didn’t I make things clear enough last night?”

“We had sex, but we didn’t talk,” Ruslan replied. “All that I said in that letter is still true.”

“No shit,” Johnny interrupted him.

Ruslan sighed. “Look, the fact that we fucked doesn’t change a thing. I still put you in danger, and I could never forgive myself for it.”

“I don’t care. If you want to be forgiven, you are.” Johnny stood up and began walking toward him.

Ruslan pushed his hands against Johnny’s muscular chest to stop him. “It’s not that easy.”

“What’s not easy? Did you find yourself a lover in Russia or something? Call him and tell him to piss off.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. What lover? I’ll never be with anyone again.”

“Funny thing. I’m thinking the same,” Johnny said and put both his hands on Ruslan’s ass.

“Johnny, you need to move on. Plus, you need to stop fighting. Yanis tells me your lungs are bad.”

“So? Make me. You want me to stop fighting, be the one to do it.”

“All right. Here I am, telling you that. Don’t fight anymore.”

“Then come back. Keep an eye on me twenty-four-seven. It doesn’t work any other way.”

“Johnny, are you serious? It’s your life we’re talking about,” Ruslan protested.

“What did you tell me, pretty? Yesterday, when I was kissing the floor in that ring, and last night, when I came in your ass?”

Ruslan looked away. Johnny freed his ass only so that he could tip his chin and make him look him in the eyes. “You told me that you loved me. Come on; say it again.”

“I do love you, Johnny. But how can that be enough?”

“So you made a mistake. Big deal. Who doesn’t? It wasn’t your fault that Nigel dude was a fucking creep. I heard he paid for it.”

Ruslan shook his head. “I need to go, Johnny.”

He passed by Johnny so that he could start dressing up. Whatever happened last night shouldn’t have. It was a mistake to try and take back what he did.

But where the hell were his clothes?

“Have you seen my pants?” He turned and asked Johnny.

The man had a satisfied grin on his face as he was crossing his arms over his chest.

“I’m serious, Johnny. I need to go.”

“Then walk naked out of here.”

“Johnny,” Ruslan warned.

He was in no mood for games.

“I threw them out the window,” Johnny said matter-of-factly.

Ruslan hurried to the window and looked down. He saw nothing. “Stop pulling my leg and tell me where my clothes are.”

“Some homeless took them. Sorry, pretty, but you’re not leaving here unless you want to walk around in the buff.”

“All right.” Ruslan threw his hands to the sides in exasperation. “What do you want?”

“I want you to go back to bed, sit there, and say only what you need to say.”

“And what’s that?” Ruslan asked, crossing his arms over his chest, too.

“Something like,” Johnny seemed to ponder, “how much you love me, how you want to marry me, and how you’ll only do what I say from now on.”

Ruslan bit his lips hard. This wasn’t the right moment to start laughing like a crazy person. “And why would I do that? You’re just a good-for-nothing fighter.”

“Look who’s all teeth and claws now,” Johnny said. “I thought you were here to apologize.”

“I am! I mean it. Johnny, what good could you see in me? I talked shit to you just because I was pissed. And then got us both in trouble.”

“And? Do I look like you hurt my feelings or something? Don’t worry; anytime you talk shit, I’ll turn you with your ass up, and you’ll learn to shut up.”

Ruslan could feel laughter bubbling in his chest. “I can’t believe you’re serious, Johnny.”

Johnny made the distance between them disappear in a single step. “I am. Like deadly serious. You don’t know who you are, pretty,” he said, caressing Ruslan’s cheeks gently.

“I am … someone who’s not worthy of you,” Ruslan said softly, leaning into the warm caress.

“And I said that’s not who you are.”

“You fought for me, while I just stood there, watching.”

“But you got rid of that asshole who was supposed to take you who knows where,” Johnny pointed out.

“Because you taught me how,” Ruslan replied, his voice meek.

“Because you’re a fighter, baby. Can’t you see? So all I’m asking is fight for me, too.”

Ruslan raised his eyes to look into his lover’s. “Are you sure that’s you want, Johnny? Aren’t you afraid I could put you in danger again? You must know by now who my real father is.”

“I don’t care about that,” Johnny said and caressed his cheeks slowly. “And what makes you think I haven’t been in danger all my life, anyway? I got high, I got beaten, I broke bones, and who knows what else. What makes you think my life was any good before you?”

Ruslan wished he could have the right answer to that, anything to keep Johnny safe from now on. “You’re the one who’s a fighter, Johnny. Because of me, that’s ruined, too. Is it true that you shouldn’t fight anymore?”

Johnny nodded. “I don’t care about that, either. All fighters have one fight that’s like the most important in their shitty lives. I lived through mine. I lived to tell the tale. And there’s no one else in the whole world I’d fight for. Do you get it, pretty?”

Ruslan could feel his cheeks getting wet again. Johnny wiped them with his rough fingers, and Ruslan grabbed them so he could kiss them. “I think I do. I can’t believe it, that someone would care for me so much.”

“I’m lucky to be that someone,” Johnny said. “Say only this: you’re mine forever.”

“I’m yours forever,” Ruslan whispered back.

The kiss that followed was the sweetest they had ever shared in their lives. Johnny pulled him close, letting his hands travel down Ruslan’s back.

“I don’t think I can fuck again just yet,” Ruslan said and pushed Johnny back playfully. “I am completely wrecked. On top of everything, I don’t have any clothes. Wait, did you really throw them out?”

Johnny nodded and grinned. “I thought it would take longer to make you understand me.”

Ruslan stopped and gasped theatrically. “Don’t tell me I’m really supposed to walk around here naked?”

“We’ll find a way,” Johnny replied, catching him and pulling him close again. “So we’re not fucking? How about I suck you off?”

Ruslan smiled and was about to reply to that when a knock interrupted them.

“Get into the bed and pull a blanket over you,” Johnny ordered as he went to get the door while grabbing a pair of shorts on his way.

“How are you two, lovebirds?” Yanis walked into the room, in his usual confident strut.

Ruslan rolled his eyes and dropped on the bed.

“Hey, I told you to stay covered,” Johnny said sternly and adjusted the blanket over Ruslan’s naked body.

“It’s not like I didn’t see him naked ever,” Yanis protested.

That earned him a quick punch to his shoulder from Johnny.

“Ouch, that hurt,” Yanis said and began rubbing his shoulder.

“Consider it a warning.” Johnny pointed a finger at him to make himself clear.

“Sure, sure,” Yanis agreed quickly. “So when is the next big fight, champ? By the way, here’s your share.” He took out a wad of bills from his pocket.

“Next big fight?” Ruslan asked, now feeling pissed.

Johnny looked down and then threw a sideways glance at Ruslan. “Sorry, man. I’m hanging in the gloves. Husband’s here, and he doesn’t like me doing that.”

Yanis joked. “Are you sure, man? You shouldn’t let your better half order you around.”

Johnny snorted. “Like you’re not kept on a leash. Should I call your wife and ask her when should you be at home tonight?”

Yanis shook his head and grinned. “So you two are good?”

Johnny nodded. Ruslan pushed himself up on his elbows and glared at Yanis. “You played me.”

Yanis put his hands up in surrender. “Hey, I’m the one who knows how to do that, right? And I told you. I’m on your side.”

“Sure, sure.” Ruslan waved. “And now I have no clothes.”

“How that happened?” Yanis asked. “Never mind. I don’t care about your gay sex games.”

“Shut the fuck up, Yanis,” Johnny said, but he was smiling. “Find another headliner, though. This one,” he pointed at himself, “is no longer available.”

“I’m happy for you, man.” Yanis nodded. “You too, Ruslan. And now you’re back for good, right?”

“As soon as I get some clothes, I might change my mind,” Ruslan replied.

“Then you’ll be naked a long time,” Johnny said and climbed the bed, to press Ruslan into the mattress with his body.

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t want to see you getting freaky first thing in the morning,” Yanis commented.

“Are you still here?” Johnny asked over his shoulder.

Yanis shook his head. “Ruslan, make sure this asshole doesn’t forget we’re friends now.”

Johnny waved at him. “Yeah, yeah, fucker, go away now.”

“Are you two still calling each other names?” Ruslan glared at Johnny this time.

“We do it with love now,” Johnny explained.

“Oh, okay,” Ruslan said. “I didn’t think I’d live to see the day.”

“Well, it was all because you ran away,” Yanis said this time.

A single look from Johnny was enough to make Yanis head for the door. “I got it, I got it. I’m on my way, and don’t you two forget who brought you back together.”

“We’ll hear of this for a very long time, won’t we?” Ruslan said with a sigh.

“I think so,” Johnny replied and shrugged. “But I don’t mind.”

***

Johnny watched his lover looking around, a bit disoriented. Having Ruslan back seemed unreal, so he was tempted to reach out and touch him, to make sure he was there. There was so much happiness in his heart right now that he couldn’t breathe. “What are you looking for, pretty?”

“Hopefully, you didn’t throw away my phone and my wallet, too, right?”

“No. I’m not that crazy,” Johnny replied. “But you know you can’t go anywhere,” he added, hoping that Ruslan couldn’t read the slight tremble in his voice.

Ruslan looked at him with eyes filled with love. “I won’t. I’ll never do that again. God knows you’re crazy to feel for me after everything, but I think I’m a complete egoist and I will take what you’re giving me.”

“Give me this day, Ruslan,” Johnny asked. “Don’t call anyone and don’t go anywhere.”

Ruslan walked over to him and climbed into his lap. Circling his shoulders, he looked him in the eyes. “Did I really succeed to make you feel afraid of something, once in your life?”

“You can bet your sweet ass you did. Funny, though, I didn’t feel too much afraid until I got you here, with me.”

“So, it was a plan all along?”

“I couldn’t let you do that to me. You’re not the selfish guy here, pretty. I am. The moment Yanis gave me that letter from you, I felt like there was suddenly no ground under my feet. I knew it then. That I can’t live without you. Assume responsibility now. Marry me, and make an honest man out of me.”

Ruslan smiled at him. “I can’t see myself anywhere else, now that I’m here. I thought I would be able to stay away, to let you live the life you deserve, but it looks like I can’t do that. Not when you look at me like this, and when you tell me all these words.”

“I mean it, baby. I want you to be mine forever.”

“I am yours. Be aware; once I put that ring on your finger, there’s no turning back. You’ll be mine forever, too.”

“I bet on it.” Johnny kissed his lover deeply. “No running away anymore, okay?”

“And where should I go?” Ruslan said softly. “My heart is here with you.”

They kissed for a while, lost in the sensation. Ruslan was pliant under his hands, and when he had seen how tight he was the night before when they fucked, Johnny had been happy. There had been no one else, and that meant Ruslan still wanted him.

“So no Russian lovers I should know about?” He asked as Ruslan pulled himself away just so they could breathe.

“Seriously, Johnny, I basically lived in the woods somewhere all this time.”

“Good. That’s good. Your dad knows how precious you are. How come he let you go, though?”

“You’d be surprised. He encouraged me, told me that I missed you and that while I was trying to tell myself the opposite. Even my brother Sergei thought I missed you, and he doesn’t even know you.”

“Ah, now you have a lot of brothers and sisters. What are they like?”

“They’re pretty cool. But I guess I was a Debby Downer, all my time there. Still, they welcomed me with open arms. My sisters had a mind to make a fashion model out of me. And, according to Sergei, marry me.”

“Oh, shit,” Johnny said. “Good thing I put Martin to call you.”

“You put Martin to call me?” Ruslan seemed surprised.

“Yeah. I told him I needed him to send you a message.”

“I was actually the one to call him. On a delicate matter.”

“What matter?” Johnny asked.

“There is just something that doesn’t add up about papa’s death. I need to ask Martin about it.”

Johnny looked away. He knew about that, but he wasn’t the one to tell Ruslan about it. Still, it was weird not to say a thing. “Pretty, there’s something you should know.”

TBC

Author's note:

Thank you for reading, everyone! This was the actual last chapter of this story, as the next time I will post the epilogue where papa's secrets will be revealed! I'm glad that you kept up with Johnny's and Ruslan's adventures until their happy end. 

For my patrons, I also wrote some extra content. One side story involves Douglas and Martin, how they met and became lovers, so if you're interested, you can read an excerpt of the story here.

The other concerns Ruslan and Johnny and their life together, and it contains a scene in which Ruslan finally tops Johnny, as someone patiently asked me for some time. You can read a fragment from that story here.

As always, if you enjoy my stories and you want to support me, you can do so on Patreon.

https://www.patreon.com/laurasfox 

All the best, and thank you again for reading this story!