Now Downloading Individual…
Lac gripped my hand so hard it hurt. He shook with powerful emotion. Tears of rage and desperate sadness streamed down his face. “THEY BETRAYED YOU!” He shouted in disbelief.
“Jack did.”
“How could he?”
“He thought he was God’s judgement. He hated himself for being a part of The Organization. He thought he could redeem his soul by taking my life. He didn’t realize that his action was exactly the same as mine. He judged me to be an evil man, then he murdered me just like I murdered all the men who I judged to be evil. In the end, Jack was no better than me.”
“Bastard.” Lac seethed.
I shrugged. “In a lot of ways, he did me a favor. If Jack hadn’t trapped me in The System, I would have continued doing what I had been. Instead of eighty-seven murders to repent, there would have been hundreds, maybe thousands. I would have kept right on going, secure in the knowledge that everything I did was good. I don’t like what Jack did, but he stopped me and forced me to pick a different path.”
“I don’t understand.” Lac said like he was a broken record.
I summarized what happened next. “In the immediate aftermath of the death of my body, and my imprisonment within the servers which would eventually become The System, I sought answers. I wanted to understand how Jack, who was a man of God and a friend to Tom, could do what he did. I reached out through email to The Organization and managed to convince Tom’s old friend Jim Beam of my identity. Jim was appalled when I told him what happened to me.
“He did a couple things right away. He personally killed Jack, then he investigated the man’s life. It seems Jack’s entrance into the priesthood changed him. He once thought the same way I did; the same way Tom taught me to think, that evil people must be killed. When he became a priest, he decided that he’d been wrong. He couldn’t stop though, not right away.
“Just like Tom told me, one cannot quit The Organization. Jack did his best to hamper its efforts while he looked for a way to destroy it. When Tom confided that he didn’t have much time left, Jack saw an opportunity to severely reduce The Organization’s ability to function. I think he knew that the hack was coming from within the machines, but he also knew that Tom would have never permitted me to go inside. Jack diddled around, dragging us all over the country from one data center to the next until Tom died, then he sacrificed me.”
Lac seethed. “And he called himself a man of God. I’m glad Jim killed him!”
I bumped my shoulder against his arm. “Be careful, you sound like I used to.”
Lac’s mouth hung open when he realized what he said. “I didn’t mean…yeah, you’re right.”
I went on with the story. “After Jack’s death, Jim had a very frank discussion with me. He said that while he wouldn’t have done what Jack did, he was hard pressed to argue with results. He asked what I planned to do now that I was trapped inside The System. I replied that because I’d been left with no other choice, I’d do what my father told me to do. I would do my best to make the world a better place.
“I was stunned to discover how much sadness and misery was present on the web. I wasn’t sure how I was going to try to change it, but I planned to try. When Jim offered to help, I asked that he use his influence to put the scientist who spoke out, Jeremy Tanner, in charge of the lab where the experiments had been conducted. I also asked that Jim use his connections in the government to see to its continued funding. He agreed and that’s what happened.
“Tanner was despondent and nearly suicidal over his part in my death. Jim had to coax him back into the lab to talk to me. The conversation we had that day was what led to the development of my first body in 2053. Tanner agreed to dedicate his career to helping to free me from the machines. It took another forty-six years, but the team he assembled was eventually able to succeed with the construction of a body for me to live in. That first one was a cybernetic skeleton and brain which was wrapped in flesh. It was an excellent first step toward the fully organic bodies I get to inhabit now.”
“Jeremy Tanner!” Lac said as I told my story. “I thought the name sounded familiar. Are you talking about the same man who ended all disease? About half the glassware I make goes to the Jeremy Tanner Memorial Research Foundation. Is it the same man?”
“That’s him. The research foundation you’re talking about is who makes the bodies I live in. Through Tanner’s research and experiments to create my first body, he and his team made huge advances in the field of bioengineering. He didn’t live long enough to see the work completed. It took another two centuries to eradicate all illness and disease, but those later successes were built on the foundation of the work he did for me.”
“That’s amazing.”
I heaved a breath and blew it out. “I’m not happy about what Jack did to me, but just like Jim said, it’s hard to argue with results. My imprisonment helped me. It helped me to learn that killing was wrong. The vast amount of information available to me within The System opened my eyes to literally millions of other points of view. I talked to and read about so many people from all walks of life. Through their combined experience I learned the basic Biblical truth that violence only begets more violence. I was very slow to accept the lesson. I didn’t want to because I thought what I did was heroic. I used to see myself as a defender of the innocent. It was hard to accept the reality that I was just a vigilante.”
“What does that mean about the lessons Tom taught you, about fighting and enemies and human nature?”
“I still believe in those lessons. Tom was wrong about the way he conducted his crusade against evil men, but that doesn’t mean he was wrong about everything. Human nature is wedded to the ability to defend and protect. Why do you think people find fit men more attractive than soft ones? We have evolved to prize strength.”
Lac gripped my hand in surprise. “I see your point, but I don’t agree that we should treat each other like animals.”
“You’re taking me too literally. I don’t think we should live with our fists up all the time. People have learned to live together in peace for the most part. My point is that if it comes to a fight, one must fight. If one doesn’t, they will suffer.”
It was Lac’s turn to shrug. I could tell he didn’t agree with me, but he didn’t have to. The difference of opinion wasn’t important enough to be a stumbling block between us. He moved the conversation in a fresh direction. “You said you paid for your crimes. Jack tricked you and murdered you. Is that what you mean by payment? You paid with your life.”
“There’s much more to it than that. The work I’ve done since my death is part of the payment. Even before I learned the error of my original life, I continued to do my best to protect the vulnerable. From inside The System, I destroyed tons of revenge porn and revolting underage porn. I sent anonymous tips to the police about child predators. I stopped financial scams. I stopped a lot of catfish scams. I realigned my crusade against evil people to become a digital crusader against all the evil which used The System as a tool. A lot of it still got through, but I was able to stop a lot of it too. My work made people’s lives better.
“Eventually, I learned to use my consciousness to spread my influence far and wide over the web. I did my best to help The System fulfill its original promise to connect people in a positive manner. Over time, the very landscape of the internet changed. I was able to use my intelligence and my force-of-will to guide the entirety of it. That’s what I meant when I said that the modern world rests on the foundation of my intelligence. I don’t perform the individual functions, but I provide the positive environment for them to operate within.
“Originally, the internet was supposed to be a neutral place, a public square for all to express their thoughts and opinions. The trouble with neutrality is that it doesn’t last. Spaces must either be maintained as positive, or through lack of maintenance, they will decay into negativity. The internet was a sewer when I entered it. Only by using my influence to soften the negative and to highlight the positive, have I been able to move the needle in the other direction.
“That’s why when Tanner offered to put me into the first body he built, I only agreed to accept if my consciousness could stay within The System. He wanted to take me completely out, but I refused. My work had become too important.”
I stood from my chair and stretched my arms over my head. I checked the time on my implant. Several hours had passed since we entered the tunnels. “We should get moving. It’s a long walk back to the surface and I’m getting hungry.”
Lac stood from his chair and gathered me into his arms. He squeezed me against his big, solid body. “You’ve lived a hell of a life, Marvin. You’ve done terrible things, but you’ve also done an enormous amount of good. Between your work in The System, and Jeremy Tanner’s work on your behalf, you changed the world. You’ve helped so many more people than you ever could have just by killing bad people.”
I returned Lac’s embrace and told him the hard truth. “It hasn’t been easy. A lot of the time, I was very lonely. A lot of the time I still am. Even when I have a partner and a family, I still feel isolated. The fact that I was able to see the error of my old ways helped. Once I was able to look at my endless existence as penance for my sins, I was better able to cope. I can’t give the people I killed their lives back. I wouldn’t if I could. What I can do is to heap as much good as possible onto the other side of the cosmic balance. The System is the one thing that almost all of humanity interacts with. If I can make it better, if I can maintain it as a positive environment for all, then I feel my time is well spent.”
Lac released me from his embrace and held me at arm’s length so he could talk directly to my face. “You said before that you keep The System from going mad. What does that mean?”
I took Lac’s hand and led him from the conference room into the corridor. I shut the lights off behind us as I went. I wanted to get moving. I knew if I left it up to him, we’d remain stationary the entire time while I answered his questions. Lac and I reentered the concrete corridor with the flickering fluorescent tubes. “I protect The System from other fragments of consciousness. If you believe the story of evolution, it says that all life started when a clump of amino acids and other chemicals came together in a prehistoric ocean. Those bits of stuff started to self-organize into chains of DNA which eventually led to individual cells and then some very basic forms of life. Everything is descended from that first instant of the coming together of the building blocks of which we are all made.
“I don’t quite believe that, but it’s an apt way to explain what happens within The System. The vast virtual space is fertile ground for what some might term ‘new life.’ Just like the fragments of those angry, suicided consciousnesses came together to form a sentient force, other fragments do and have done the same. So much human thought and emotion is funneled through The System, fragments of it are bound to clump together. Because of the nature of computers, those clumps still cannot discern, they can only decide.
“That was the problem with the personality fragments that wanted to launch the missiles. Those fragments felt betrayed, therefore they were compelled to destroy. There was no nuance in their thinking. They didn’t really think, they simply chose; right or wrong, yes or no, creation or annihilation. They were angry, so they chose annihilation. The lack of nuance in their decision-making is obvious when you look at how they planned to get their revenge. Instead of finding a way to attack the scientists who harmed them, they were going to destroy the world with nuclear weapons. That’s a lot like killing an ant with a sledgehammer. Their plan was also incredibly cliché. Back in the era of the Cold War and immediately after, a nuclear holocaust was a common theme in books and movies. It was as if the sentience thought, ‘must kill everyone,’ and automatically chose nuclear weapons as their method.”
Lac didn’t quite understand about the original sentience, but for once he asked a specific question. “But if they weren’t sophisticated enough to choose a nuanced plan for revenge, how were they sophisticated enough to hack the weapons systems?”
“Again, you’re talking about information verses thought. The copied consciousnesses were all duplicates of computer scientists. Computers were second nature to them. Hacking the weapons system, especially from within The System, would have required no creativity. They already had the knowledge; they just needed to apply it.”
Lac shook his head. “It all sounds so crazy.”
I shrugged because I didn’t disagree. “Anyway, when a new clump of human thought and feeling gains sentience, I keep an eye on it for a while. Usually, the new sentience follows the same path as the original fragments, and I’m forced to destroy it. The trouble seems to be the ease of anger and hatred and the comparable difficulty of joy. To hate is to dismiss. To dismiss is easy. Love requires acceptance, not only of the loved object or person, but of one’s self. That takes far more work. As each of the clumps of emotion achieve sentience and then devolve into hate, I destroy them. That’s what I meant when I said I keep the machines from going mad. With no one to tend to them, the fragments would become violent. They would take their petty hatreds out on the apparatus of The System and the people who rely on it. I stop them before they cause harm.”
“Usually?” Lac asked about the sentient fragments.
He and I were walking past the spot in the corridor where we’d sat to view the memory of the beating I received when I was seven. I could see the outline of our butts on the floor in the dust. I felt a twinge of sorrow for asking Lac to endure the memory. I hoped I hadn’t hurt him. Lac noticed the spot as well, but he didn’t say anything. He absently brushed dust from the back of his shorts and asked his question again. “You said the clumps of emotions usually get angry, and you destroy them. What happens the rest of the time?”
“I have a few I keep as virtual pets. I have three right now that haven’t gotten angry yet. Two act like birds, or maybe butterflies. They’re attracted to light, pleasant data. They flit through files of inspirational sayings and pretty photos of natural places. The third is more advanced. It’s a bit like an affectionate cat. It hangs around the digital me and wants to be petted all the time. It’s a decent companion.”
“What else do you do? You said that the entire system rests on your intelligence. What does that mean?”
I shrugged again because the answer to that question was a bit more difficult to explain. “I already told you that artificial intelligence is a myth, but the machines make excellent mimics. They make innumerable decisions every day. Sometimes, a binary choice is insufficient. In those cases, real intelligence is needed to deal with an issue. I am the adjudicator.”
Lac tried to stop us because he wanted more information. I squeezed his hand and dragged him forward. He managed to ask a meaningful question and walk at the same time. I was impressed. “So, what; you’ve got like an inbox you’ve got to read through?”
I laughed at my boyfriend’s two-dimensional understanding of my work. “No, nothing like that. I don’t have to literally make the decisions. I’ve woven my intelligence into the fiber of The System. It functions more-or-less automatically. I can focus on the individual decisions, but there are far too many for me to deal with like I was an old-fashioned business manager. When I say that sometimes my intelligence is needed, I mean millions of times a day instead of billions of billions of times.”
Lac’s feet tried to slow again as he mulled over what I said. I pulled him along until he kept pace on his own. “That’s weird.”
“I guess I’m weird.” I said with no meaning.
Lac asked another question, that for once didn’t require him to slow his pace. “Just so I’m clear, you could leave The System if you wanted to. You haven’t left because you believe in the work that your digital self does. Is that right?”
“At one time that was true. It isn’t anymore. Back in 2053, if I wanted to leave completely, I could have because my accumulated experience was relatively small. Since that time, I’ve lived seven lifetimes. There’s too much data to store in a human brain. I would have to sacrifice hundreds of years of memories to leave. It would also be impossible to extract all of my intelligence from The System. I’m too entrenched. I’d have to leave a large portion of myself behind. I wouldn’t be willing to lose that much of myself for the privilege of a normal life and a natural death.”
“What about the penance you talked about? Is that the only reason you want to stay in the machines?”
“No. The work itself is not penance. I do the work to make the world better. The endlessness is the penance. I actually don’t mind the work. It can be tedious sometimes, and I already told you it’s lonely, but I enjoy it.” I shook my head because I’d made a misstatement. “That’s not quite true. I don’t really enjoy the work, but I’m pleased with the results.”
Lac and I made it to the staircase under the Library of Congress and climbed toward the exit. The trip back seemed far shorter than the trip inside. We quickly reached the top and exited into the afternoon sunshine. Lac raised his arms toward it like a flower in bloom. “Feels good.” He said.
I agreed and asked if he wanted to eat in the city or just head for home.
“Let’s get something at the station and keep moving. I’d like to come here as a tourist some time, but the purpose of our trip is finished, and I want to get back.”
I didn’t have any objection, so we headed for the station. Some little time later, we were on the train while it zipped between DC and Baltimore. Lac came up with some more questions. “What keeps you alive? I mean, do you agree with what Jack said about downloading a soul or whatever? If this body was grown as a hollow shell, does your soul have to be inside it for it to live? How does that work?”
I shrugged my shoulders yet again because I still didn’t fully understand the nuances. “I’ve existed both inside human bodies and inside The System. I know there is something different about my data within the machines because I’m alive. I believe there is a spark of existence that separates natural life from digital files. I think Jack was right, but I don’t know why that’s so. I believe in a higher power because after what I’ve lived through, I kinda have to. I refer to that power as God, even though I don’t really believe in the grandfatherly God that the big religions preach about. As for what keeps this body alive, it requires contact with my life force to maintain it. The contact is maintained through my implant.”
“Your implant is special, then?”
“No, it’s just like yours. Your implant has the capacity to do just as mine does. The implants are another technology that was developed out of Tanner’s research. My first two bodies were cyborgs, as I said. They were good, but there were problems with them. The main issue was weight. Human bones are stronger than steel and therefore much lighter. My cyborg bodies were very heavy because their skeletons were metal. I had to be careful to support them at all times. I also had to be cautious of my strength. I could hug someone and hurt them badly.
“Anyway, the point is, I wanted a fully human body. Tanner and his team started work on both the ability to grow a human body from a DNA sample and the technology to communicate easily between The System and the body. The implants were the result of that research. They were made for me but adapted for general use. Instead of making mine special and everyone else’s different, it was decided to make them all the same. Yours has capabilities you will never use, but that capacity causes no harm and doesn’t increase manufacturing cost, so it’s immaterial.”
“Interesting.” Lac said.
He grew silent as we arrived in Baltimore. I expected him to start talking again once the stop was over, but he didn’t. He remained mostly silent all the way back. Even as we walked through the station and took a hover car to my house, he still didn’t speak. He seemed lost in thought the entire time.
Sam Cooke tried to drown me in slobbery dog kisses as soon as I entered the house. He licked my face and celebrated my arrival like I’d been gone for days instead of several hours. I didn’t bother to fight him off because he was happy to see me. His antics also made Lac laugh and that was a sound I enjoyed far too much to dampen.
I spoiled Sam by giving him his favorite treat of beef jerky with peanut butter, then washed the slobber from my face in the kitchen sink. I put a pot of coffee on, more to keep my hands busy than because I wanted coffee. I set mugs out for Lac and me. I also put the ashtray on the table. I started to lean against the counter to wait for the coffee, but Lac called me over. I pulled a chair out opposite him, but he asked that I sit next to him. I obliged, and he held my hand on top of the table.
“I’m almost ready to give you my decision, but I’d like to do one more thing first.”
“What’s that?”
“I’d like to talk to your digital self again.”
“Why?”
“That’s my business.”
I didn’t have any objections to what Lac asked, but I was curious about why. I was tempted to read his mind to find out, but I didn’t want to violate his trust. “You know that he and I are the same person, right? We’re both me.”
Lac lifted my hand and kissed the back of it. “There are some differences between the two of you. It’s the difference I want to talk to the digital you about. Please.”
I stood from the table and tried to take my hand away from Lac. He held on tight. “Where are you going?”
I pointed to the stove. “I just want to turn the coffee off. I don’t want it to boil over while we’re with the other me.”
He let me go. I shut the coffee off and came right back. I took Lac’s hand and connected my implant to his. I connected us both to The System and shut my eyes to block out any distractions which could make the connection waver.
In an instant, the digital me stood before a virtual version of Lacas. The visual images from Lac’s last visit to The System were gone. It was just he and I in an endless void of black ether. He opened his mouth to speak, but I raised my hand to stop him. “Don’t forget, you mustn’t touch me or anything else while you’re here.” Lac nodded that he understood. I lowered my hand to let him have his say.
“I love you, Marvin. I have for a while now, almost since the day we met. I think you’re a wonderful man. I believe you will be a great father to our children. I want to spend my life with you.”
He paused. I felt digital tears of joy stream down my face. My heart swelled. I wanted to celebrate, but Lac kept talking.
“You’ve done terrible things, but you’ve also done immeasurable good. Because you’ve repented and worked to be a better man, I offer you forbearance for the deeds of your past. I renew my request for you to teach me how to protect those I love. I don’t want you to have to do those things alone.”
I agreed with everything he wanted. “Yes, yes of course.”
“There’s more.” He insisted.
I stopped talking and waited for him to say all that he meant to.
“I want more, though. I want more than what you’ve offered me. I don’t want to be your partner just for your eighth life. I want to be your partner until death, both our deaths.”
My joy shattered. Lac was asking me to surrender my digital life and return to being a mortal human. He didn’t want me to start again after we both died. He wanted me to give up my work and a huge amount of memories so I could contribute the same amount to the partnership as he would. I hung my head and felt my heart break.
“I won’t do that, Lacas, not even for you. I will not leave The System untended. I’ve worked too hard to build it into what it is. I won’t walk away and see it destroyed. Too many people rely on it. I’ve done so much to make the world a better place. I’m heartbroken you would try to get me to give that up.”
“You misunderstand.” He said.
I raised my head to wait for him to tell me how I’d gotten the wrong message from his words. Lac smiled with his whole, boyish face. His pretty brown eyes twinkled with mischief. “I’m not asking you to surrender anything. You can keep everything you’ve built. I agree that your work is important. It’s too important for you to have to do it alone.”
He sprang at my digital self and wrapped his arms around me. An electronic voice boomed in the darkness. It said, “now downloading individual, Lacas Menzies.”
I tried to push Lac away, but it was already too late. I screamed, “WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?”
He grinned. “I don’t know. I guess we’re gonna find out together.”
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