Donder Und Blitzen Take A dump On The Roof

Each year I have made it a custom to write something with a holiday theme; Given all the incivility about us, this seemed to codify what so many have said, thought or done. I believe that Christmas is a good time for many things, getting even is just one of them...witness the time I sent my niece and nephew ant farms making sure the ants were already in place and, oops, there was a crack in their glass home. Some gifts just keep on giving as my sister found when the exterminator told her that some of the escapees had got into the foundation, taking their Queen, and had estabiished quite a colony. As I recall, that was the year I got nothing from her, not even a card. Sadly, the next year, the next year the place in Florida that specialized in 'exotic' pets had been closed by some branch of the Federal Government so I was unable to send each child a Boa Constrictor,

Did I mention my sister and have, thank God adopted from a different litter as well as another continent, do not have much rapport, Although It was a consensus opinion that trying to slam my hand with the lid to our (putative) mother's hand was poor form.

At all events, my happiest regards to you and yours from me and my man....and not this year, on the ranch but rather near a truly lovely, Gin clear lake, warm to the touch, on the North Island of New Zealand,. And I know what some may be thinking..,..at 79? he;s got a new man? But rest assured, nothing so young he cannot legally drink....more like apply for Social Security or whatever the local version of it is.

So from our place to yours, the Happiest of Holidays and may each of you get what you hope is coming to you.

PJ

Donder und Blitzen Take A Shit On The Roof

A Story of Christmas.

I sat quietly in the chair, waiting, Jimmy French had told me that ‘Santa’ might pay a visit and so…..I was waiting. Didn’t come down the chimney, but through the sliding doors from the terrace. Gotta say this, he had on the full regalia, red suit, white beard, red hat with white wig attached….probably, just my opinion, but...the engineer boots, double buckled, gave it away. And so I sat there, quietly, watching, waiting, just me, ‘Santa’ and the glowing fire...that reflected off the barrel of the rifle across my lap. It was night, my home so it was informal, I had on my heavy officer’s socks from my motorcycle boots, my Sam Browne belt with all the cop crap attached as well as, pinned to my tit-where I’d taken out the usual barbell piercing, my officer’s badge. Sort of made a statement even if it was making my nipple hang down-some things are just worth doing just because they are….

Easier to hook ‘Santa’ than dynamiting fish in a barrel; I’d bought a new computer so put the box it came in, weighted with a brick, on a table plus an idiot phone I’d collected from an idiot during a traffic stop, the dregs of a drink...all I needed. He went for them, picking up the box just to make sure there was ‘something’ in it and, of course, there was. He was holding the ‘merchandise’ in his hands when he felt the muzzle of the rifle pushing through the fake white curls but onto the very real flesh of his neck.

“Hands behind you, ‘Santa’, palms out, you know the drill and, just to make it official, you’re under arrest, fuck your Miranda rights, this steel barrel says I read ‘em to you. And, yeah, I will shoot and not get more than a bill from the carpet cleaning company. May even get a commendation for ‘Citizens Response’; I’m only a cop when I’m on duty but we’re going to pretend I’m on duty. Oh, and keep in mind that what I’m doing is sparing all those little kiddies from finding that Santa not only isn’t kissing Mommy-or Daddy-but is heisting their Christmas presents….shame the film at eleven will show you, red suit and all, but face real easy to see, being hauled down the driveway and shoved into the cage behind some very nice officers who do NOT take kindly to screwing with the illusions of children. Heard about police brutality? Bet they don’t take you straight to lock up...matter of fact, I do believe they’ve got a buddy with another cage in his pick up...

Got into my belt, pulled the first set of cuffs, got them on then told him to turn, slowly, leaving the rifle at about head level so that as he came around, the only way he’d see one gun was if he crossed his eyes. I touched his lips with the steel. “Open”, then, once he’d done that stuck the barrel in until it hit his soft palate-am I sorry about the tooth, or two, I busted off? Hell no.

“How would you like a blow job like you’ve never had? Coupla things, I cut the safety off this piece and...it’s set on a real loose trigger, I could shake it hard and it would fire. Okay? We’re clear.”

I pushed his head down, which caused his body to kneel, by simply making him avoid being killed if he wasn’t ‘cooperating’ by following the implied instructions of the officer by not kneeling.

“Stop.” I reached out, yanked off his red hat with the wig attached, jerked off his fake white eyelashes, unsnapped his red jacket which revealed a T shirt that said, simply, ‘Fuck You’. Bad choice, I took the sentiment personally, particularly at the impending holiday season. “Ya know, I think we’ll start the penalty phase of your sentencing now….see that cock in front of you? Suck it.” To encourage him I moved the muzzle from his mouth to above on his red pants where his cock and balls would be.

“Never bite a guy’s cock when he’s holding a with a gun….’course no matter how, you’d end up a eunuch….” I paused doing some quality control. “You can do a lot better and you’re going to...I wanna feel my bladder try and come down my piss chute...” which gave me an idea so I got a little soft dicked-hard to take a leak when you’re stiff-then peed down his throat. He was encouraged, drank me then went back to sucking. No enthusiasm but...what the hell, we’d get there. In a way, I kinda wished I was wearing my boots, they would have added plus, when I kicked him in the cojones, he would have felt it more than just my bare foot. Not that I was going to kick him….yet.

Pushed a button my belt which opened a line to a buddy. “Yep, you called it, he’s here, sucking my cop cock but, by the time you and the guys get here, he’ll be ready for more action. Oh, hey, is this the one who screwed the quarterback….or did the quarterback screw him?”

“Think that went both ways.”

“Round him up, we just got the ball snapper. See ya.”

“Being real careful, strip. All the way. Boots, too. I guess you heard, some buds are coming by, probably know some of them….met them professionally….” I smiled, nothing better for a motorcycle cop to do than catch a three time loser robbing one of their guys. Gets their ‘preciation and makes you an instant member, badge and all. Course, never took a cut of the goods but...on my bike with the star on the tank, me on the seat, those hot looking tight pants, shirt and boots plus the guns as well as the silver reflecting shades, just to look was to see a hot cop doing his duty. Sorta.

It took him a while but he got peeled...actually, pretty good body, hard ass, it was going to be fun...lots of fun. Party time! And to make it better, one of his fuck buddies...just for tonight, he was gonna stand in for Mrs. Claus…

Out on the front porch click, click, click, there was an officer, we called him Nick. Oh, and he brought a ‘special’ guest, one I didn’t know.

He, too, was cuffed-also gagged-and must have been cold as that’s all he was wearing.

“Who’s that?”

Nick was almost bent double, “Santa’s brother….Jesus wait ‘til you see the video….redefines brotherly love. When the gag comes out, he has dentures, removable, one mutherfucking cocksucker….Jaimie picked him, hell, I don’t know, two, maybe three times in he park….always let him go with a warning after he’d parked his bike, sat sideways so he could drain his balls...”

I could see he’d be an addition to any party and, I wondered?, a surprise for his older, maybe younger-who cared-brother.

“Uh, there’s some para-cord in the closet, cinch him up in there, warmer, too. Want to let his balls drop.”

Nick hustled his guy into the closet while I went back to ‘Santa’.

“Hey, Bruiser, parties on and we’ve decided you’re the favour. Get some Christmas ribbon around your dick, maybe haul you up by it then everyone plays Pinata.” He didn’t seem enthusiastic….maybe if I told him in a sort of dirty Hispanic I happened to have been taught; When I wasn’t in uniform, fuck, you’d wonder if I had my green card...and in a way I did, but it said, “Law Man”, fuck with me an’ me and my buds can unmake yours.

I heard Junior roar up. “Hey, who wants to get one of ‘em real stiff, lay them out on the green carpet then get out the lawn mower? Sound like a plan?

I’d go on but...some one just came through the kitchen door without the key so gotta go make ‘em welcome.

Oh, as to Santa? Hey, if his mouth wasn’t full of badass cock, he’d wish a Merry Christmas to All and to All….glug um dum fuc...umm.

Wow! The muthafuka just found out he could deep throat. Now there’s a present every man should get!!