The First Time
An hour later, Dev’s eyes opened again. Josh still held his hand. He had pulled a chair next to the bed. At his age, he could no longer stand for long periods, even with a cane or a walker.
Josh felt Dev squeeze his hand.
Tears leaked from the corners of Devon’s eyes, and Josh asked, “Dev? What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry, Josh.”
“For what?”
“For taking so long. I was an idiot.”
“I won’t argue that, corn fed. But you came around.”
“I don’t think I had a choice. I think God put you in my life. Remember the Grant?”
“Like it was yesterday.”
Dev drifted back into his dream as Josh wiped tears from both of their faces.
<><>
Vietnam
One morning, Corporal Tillis found Josh and Dev in their bunks, cleaning their rifles and gear. He threw a couple of three-day passes on their bunks.
“Merry Christmas, from the Sarge. Don’t catch anything.”
Dev’s face lit up, “Holy shit, Okie! We got passes!”
Josh didn’t seem as enthused and asked, “So where are you gonna go? Saigon? Hit the big city?”
Dev corrected him, “We’re gonna hit Saigon, buddy! You gotta come too. Where else are you gonna go?”
“Maybe I want to go fishing. Or just relax.”
“You’re shitting me, Okie.”
Ignoring Dev’s retort, Josh said, “It would be nice to get some real food. I have some money saved up. How about I spring for a steak dinner, if we can find a place.”
“Hell, yeah! We can find a cheap room somewhere.”
“Well, you said you wanted some pussy. This’ll be your chance.”
Dev either didn’t pick up on Josh’s subdued tone or ignored it.
“I need to ask the Corpsman for some rubbers before we go. I’ll get some for you, too. Maybe we can share a girl, huh?”
Dev’s hopefulness was soul-crushing.
Looking at his pass, he said, “Fuck, these start in a few hours. We need to get our asses in gear. Pack a bag, Okie.”
<><>
The jeep ride to Saigon took a few hours. The ride was bumpy but enjoyable. The sunset was beautiful, and the wind on Josh’s face felt wonderful. The driver let them off on one of the main streets and said, “Call this number an hour before you need a ride back. Don’t cut it too close, or the Sarge will not be happy.”
Dev asked, “You know of a cheap hotel?”
“A lot of GI’s stay at the Grant. It’s a few blocks from the center of town. Any local can point you to it. Watch your wallets, fellas.”
It had rained earlier in the day, and the pavement was wet, filled with puddles of standing water reflecting the bright lights of the city. Neither of them was a city boy, but Josh lived near Tulsa and was more used to being in a large town. Dev had visited Birmingham a few times, but it didn’t prepare him for Saigon.
They found the Grant Hotel. It seemed a bit run-down, but it wasn’t terrible. They got a room with two beds for two nights. The old man at the front desk spoke decent English and directed them to a restaurant called The Lucky Dragon, where they could get a steak and watch a show.
“Fuck, Okie, this is nice! I forgot what life outside the camp is like.”
“If we’re lucky, they’ll serve corn with our steaks, and you’ll feel right at home.”
Dev laughed and punched his arm.
“Fuck off.”
Dev’s excitement lifted Josh’s spirits a little. He loved seeing Dev happy and exuberant. Although they laughed and joked around with each other, the danger and the restrictions of the camp and the hooch wore them down. Josh didn’t realize how much until he reached the city.
They didn’t wear uniforms, and after sitting down, they wished they had. Most of the GIs were in their dress uniforms. They looked clearly military with short hair, fit bodies, and Marine bearing.
Once seated, their server brought menus, and Dev whistled, “Man, this is a bit pricey.”
“Yeah, but we deserve it. What else do we have to spend our money on?”
If you say pussy I’m going to punch you.
“Hey, let’s spring for a beer too.”
Josh looked around, and many of the GIs were drinking a local beer.
When the server asked them for their order, Josh said, “Steak, medium rare, with a baked potato. And I’ll have one of those.” He pointed to the bottle on the table next to theirs.
She looked at Dev, and he said, “I’ll have the same.”
The beers arrived swiftly, and Dev lifted his to clink against Josh’s.
“To me and you, buddy. The best sniper team in this God forsaken country.”
Josh blushed but tried to cover, clinking his bottle and saying, “To me and you.”
By American standards, the steaks were mediocre, especially to Dev, but they had subsisted on mess hall food for almost a year and a half, and the steak tasted divine. The Madam of the house stopped by and asked, “You stay for show?”
Dev blushed and asked in low tones, “Do you have any other services here?”
“You want girl?”
“Yeah, how much?”
“That depend. Which girl, how long, etc. I take you upstairs and you pick.”
Dev looked hopefully at Josh and asked, “What about it, buddy?”
“You go ahead. I’ll watch the show and head up after.”
Dev seemed disappointed, but left with the Madam.
After a few minutes, Josh settled the bill and left. On the walk back to the Grant, he found a store that sold liquor and bought a cheap bottle of bourbon.
<><>
Dev was so hard his dick hurt as he followed the Madam upstairs. They entered a lounge with roughly a dozen girls, all beautiful. Some of them were scantily dressed while others wore evening gowns, but they were all slender with gorgeous skin and long, silky black hair.
As he looked them over, he went soft. His fantasy was for him and Josh to share a girl together. Truth be told, he wanted Josh with him.
He stammered, “I want to convince my buddy to come join me. I’ll be back,” as he quickly went back downstairs, but their table was empty.
He found their server and asked, “Where did my buddy go?”
“He pay bill and left right after you go upstairs.”
What the fuck?
Dev didn’t know what to think. The city wasn’t his element and he wasn’t nervous, but he didn’t like being in an unfamiliar place by himself. He left, heading back to the Grant Hotel. He only had a few beers, but he wasn’t used to drinking and had a slight buzz. Josh was the navigator, and Dev had followed him to the restaurant and wasn’t sure of the route back to their hotel.
He took a few wrong turns and had to backtrack, which caused him to spend nearly an hour finding the place. He was a little annoyed with himself and Josh. Their first pass, and they were supposed to be having fun, getting laid, and cutting loose. None of that had happened so far, except for dinner.
<><>
Josh entered their room. The empty room. It was hot, so he turned on the ceiling fan. It was slow and loud, but it moved the air. Stripping down to his boxers, he opened the window to try and catch a breeze. It wasn’t as hot as the hooch, but he still sweated. Rather than pouring a drink, he drank straight from the bottle.
For the past year, he had fallen more in love with Devon each day. He tried to curtail his feelings, but whatever hold Dev’s presence had on him was too strong. The way Dev touched him, patted his back, or spotted him when they lifted weights—all those touches ignited a fire in his groin and his heart. He did his best to hide his feelings. At first, it was easy because Dev made it so. Josh’s lighthearted return banter served as a good cover and kept Dev from seeing how he truly felt, but the idea of Dev fucking one of those hookers was too much. Hell, Ian swinging on Dev’s dick or jacking him off was almost too much. Josh tried his best to avoid going to the clearing at the same time. The sight of Dev, nearly naked, getting his dick sucked by another man, was more than he could bear. The sight of his body, straining in pleasure, sweating and shining in the moonlight, hearing him grunt out his release into someone else’s mouth or throat… the culmination of it all finally broke Josh, and he sat on the edge of the bed crying his heart out.
Trying to drown his sorrow, he chugged the bourbon, and by the time Dev entered the room, the bottle was half empty. The sight of Josh in such a state hit Dev hard. It was so unexpected it scared him, and he rushed to Josh’s side.
“Oh my God, Josh, what’s wrong buddy?”
His big arm went around Josh, pulling him snuggly against him, holding him. He felt Josh trembling. He was sweaty, and more than just from the heat. His body was hot with emotion.
Josh sobbed harder when Dev’s arm went around him. Dev didn’t know what to do other than hold him until he settled somewhat. When his tears slowed, Dev got up, wet a washcloth, and wiped the sweat and tears from his face.
Their eyes met, Josh’s bloodshot and puffy, to Dev’s bright green, and Dev asked again, “What’s wrong, man? What’s going on? Talk to me.”
Josh struggled to speak. His throat remained tight from all the pent-up emotion that continued to break loose.
“Don’t you know?”
Dev’s eyes widened, and all the looks, the subtle hints Josh gave off, mostly unaware… Dev’s mind connected all those dots, and the conclusion rocked him.
“You like me, don’t you.” It was a statement, not a question.
Josh threw back his head and scoffingly said, “Oh, it’s way beyond like. I liked you when we first met, but like left the building a long time ago.”
Dev’s mind churned, replaying so many events of the last year and a half. His own fear and terror when he was captured, and how Josh held him for over twenty-four hours while he shook in fear and came back to himself. His acceptance of the first Private sucking him off, and then Ian later. He justified the acts, saying it was the pressure of the war. That was true at first, but later he liked it. He wasn’t gay, but everything about Vietnam had changed him as a man. It pushed his boundaries of what his life meant and his place in the world. His feelings for Josh were a huge part of that.
“I love you, you know. You’re like a brother to me. More than a brother. I feel more for you than anyone else in my life.”
Some of the pressure in Josh released at Dev’s words. He did love Josh, at least as a brother, but Josh needed more than that.
“You’re way more than a brother to me, Dev. I love you.”
Hesitantly, Dev said, “I love you, too, Josh.”
“I don’t just love you, man. I’m in love with you.”
A pained look crossed Dev’s face, and he said, “I know, Josh, and I’m sorry. I’m not sure I feel that way about you. You mean so much to me. I wish I could describe it, but I don’t know how. I don’t think I’m wired in the way you need me to be.”
Josh broke down again, and Dev held him tighter.
“I’m sorry, man, I don’t know what to say. I really do love you.”
It took a while for Josh’s tears to stop again. When they did he pulled back to sit beside Dev. He looked so sad and forlorn that Dev teared up. Being the cause of such pain in his best friend was tearing him apart, too.
Josh asked, “Can I touch you?”
“You mean like Ian does behind the hooch?”
“Yeah, kind of.”
“What do you mean, kind of?”
“I don’t want to just touch your dick, or suck you off. I want to touch all of you. You’re such a beautiful man, Dev. Everything about you turns me on. Your face, your body, your muscles, and your dick. Will you let me, at least for tonight, touch you the way I want?”
“I don’t want to hurt you, Josh. If I say yes, what will that mean moving forward?”
With a wan smile, Josh said, “I don’t know. Maybe you wouldn’t have to visit the clearing anymore. When we’re on missions, I could take care of you.”
“Fuck, I don’t know. My dick is screaming at me to say yes, but that would be unfair. I don’t know if I could reciprocate.”
“Just letting me touch you, and having you hold me is enough to keep me going. That’s all the reciprocation I need.”
Dev still seemed hesitant, but Josh lifted his shirt over his head, exposing his chiseled arms and torso. Dev was slightly sweaty, too, and his skin felt amazing. Dev seemed powerless to resist, and his big arms dropped to his sides as Josh unbuckled his belt and slid his pants down. His hardon was barely contained in his boxers. The thin material showed the clear outline of his cock – the veins and the head. The material darkened with precum as he watched. Josh realized that Dev wore his boxers, the pair that he gave Dev during his rescue.
Dev’s anticipation manifested as a warm ball of fire in his stomach, and he whispered, “Oh, God, Josh.”
“Let me make you feel good.”
Pulling down Dev’s boxers, his cock sprang up like a steel rod. He was as rigid as he could ever remember being. Way harder than he ever got with Caroline. He gasped and his nipples hardened when Josh’s hands wrapped around his shaft. He was so big it took both hands, and Josh leaned forward to lick off the precum.
“You taste sweet. I knew you would.”
Josh took only the head into his mouth at first, worshipping it with his tongue and lips. Without taking Dev out of his mouth, he moved to the floor and got between his legs. He continued holding the shaft just below the head and cupped Dev’s balls with his other hand, massaging them.
Dev let out a moan that sounded more like a whimper. Nothing Ian had ever done to him compared to this moment. The fact it was Josh sucking him flipped his switch, and a powerful orgasm rocked him.
“I’m cumming, Josh.”
Josh increased his effort as Dev’s cock stiffened and bolted in his hand. He could feel the pulse along the shaft as he unloaded spurt after spurt into Josh’s mouth. Josh swallowed the initial volley and then pulled off, but continued stroking him until he felt the contractions stop.
Dev’s body flexed, and he put a hand on the back of Josh’s head when he started to cum. When he recovered somewhat, he moved his hand down to Josh’s solid shoulders, caressing his muscles. Josh’s continued stroking kept him hard.
“I want you to fuck me.”
Dev’s cock flexed at the thought. Ian had asked him to do that, but something held him back. It was a line, and once he crossed it, he could never turn back. He trusted Josh with his life, and if he could ever bring himself to experience that with another man, it was with Josh.
Dev said, “I’ll get a rubber.”
“No. I cleaned myself out. Don’t ask me why. I didn’t expect this to happen. Maybe it was part of my fantasy. It doesn’t matter, I just don’t want anything between us. Lean back.”
Dev was completely naked and moved further back on the bed, spreading his arms and legs out and letting Josh take the lead. His dick, shining with spit and cum, shone in the dim light like the rest of his muscular body.
Josh quickly stripped, and his own dick was just as hard. Dev was longer and thicker, but Josh wasn’t far off his size and girth. His entire body was flush with desire, and his face held an expression Dev had never seen before. It was lust and determination, but more. Dev realized it was love.
Josh tore open a small packet of lube and dribbled some onto Dev’s cock. He stroked him a few times to make sure he was covered. He squeezed out a little more onto his fingers and put his hand back to lube up his hole.
Dev looked concerned and asked, “Are you sure about this? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“It will at first. I won’t lie, but I want this. I want to feel you in me. It won’t hurt for long. I’ll go slow, though, so be patient.”
Crawling up he straddled Dev’s trim waist. Reaching behind him, he gripped Dev’s cock, positioned the head at his opening, and pushed back. He was tight and it did hurt. He had only been fucked once in his life and that boy’s cock wasn’t half the size of Dev’s.
He saw spots and he heard Dev gasp out, “Oh fuck!”
Josh leaned forward, putting his hand on Dev’s chest to steady himself. Dev was so solid his body had little give to it, and that fact sent a different shiver through Josh. He had wanted to touch Dev’s body openly for so long, and now he had the chance. After a few seconds he pushed out like he was taking a shit and opened up some. Another inch slid in.
Josh broke out into a heavy sweat from the pain, but he was determined. Dev was far enough into him, and so hard, that he didn’t need to hold him anymore, and placed his other hand on Dev’s shoulder. Feeling his solidity helped fuel his desire and determination.
It took a few minutes, but Josh felt Dev’s pubic hair against him. His hands roamed over Dev, rubbing his chest, shoulders, and neck. Seeing the striations in his shoulders, the veins in his neck, the look of wonder on his face… seeing it all seemed to make the pain vanish.
The heat and tightness around Dev’s cock was unbelievable and he cried out, “Fuck Josh, I… I didn’t expect this. You don’t feel anything like a girl. Please don’t stop, man.”
Josh smiled in his mind: Fuck you, Caroline.
Slowly, Josh lifted himself up until he was almost at the head and pushed down. The pain was still sharp and intense, and he had tears in his eyes from the sting.
I’m not giving up. I’ve dreamed about this for too long.
Pushing out again as he lowered himself, after a few more strokes he started to loosen up slightly, and the pain lessened.
Dev was beside himself, and he gripped Josh’s biceps so hard it hurt, but it took his mind off the pain in his ass.
Looking down at Dev, Josh smiled, and Dev saw his tears. Josh lowered his torso to rest his head in the crook of Dev’s neck and shoulder. His face touching Dev’s was exquisite. The roughness of his stubbled cheek and his warm breath sent chills through Josh.
Dev’s words shocked Josh when he said, “Let’s roll over. I want to fuck you. You feel too good, man. I never expected this.”
Without pulling out, Dev rolled them over. He propped himself up on his elbows so his full weight wasn’t on Josh, but their chests were pressed together. Josh wrapped his arms around Dev’s shoulders and he wrapped his legs around Dev’s waist, locking his ankles.
Dev started thrusting, slowly at first, but he built up speed. Josh shivered and gasped. At the new angle, Dev’s cock rubbed against Josh’s prostate, and his cock hardened between their stomachs and the sensation of rubbing against Dev’s abs felt wonderful.
“Don’t stop, Dev. Please don’t stop. I’ve never felt this way.”
“Me either. I didn’t know it would be like this.”
The stimulation of Josh’s prostate and his cock rubbing against Dev was too much and Josh exploded between them, grunting with each spurt. His reaction caused his ass muscles to contract which triggered Dev’s orgasm, and they came together. Each man held the other as tightly as their powerful arms would allow. They both breathed hard, and after his initial shots, Dev lowered his full weight onto his lover.
The manliness, the heat between them, the sweat, the cum, and the aroma caused a physical and emotional aftermath of sensations. Caught up in the moment, Dev cupped Josh’s face and pressed their lips together in a kiss. It surprised him more than Josh, and when their tongues touched it sent another shiver through them both. The kiss lasted almost a minute and they were breathless when they separated.
Dev rolled to the side but pulled Josh against him. Josh draped one arm and leg over Dev. Silence followed as each came to grips with what happened.
After what seemed like an hour, but in reality was only a minute, Josh whispered, “Thank you, Dev.”
Josh was surprised when Dev’s body shuddered slightly and he started softly crying.
“What’s wrong, Dev?”
“God, this is so fucked up. I’m so fucked up. This whole thing is fucked up.”
Josh’s terror returned immediately, worried about their friendship.
Quietly, Josh said, “I’m sorry, Dev. I guess I’m the one who hurt you.”
He started to get up, but Dev grabbed him.
“You aren’t going anywhere, Okie. Stay put.”
Dev rolled onto his side and propped his head up on one hand. Josh did the same, so they faced one another. Josh wanted more than anything to reach over and caress the man who just filled his heart and his ass.
Josh asked him, “What are you thinking? I don’t understand. Tell me you’re alright.”
“Oh, I’m alright. That’s for fucking sure. God, man, what just happened? How could everything change in just a few minutes?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… hell, I don’t know exactly. I felt something change in the middle of fucking you. I don’t know, maybe what you feel for me finally sunk in, and I realize I feel the same. My brain says I can’t. That I’m straight. But my heart is telling me something different.”
Josh whispered, “They say war changes men. The pressure and pain burn away unneeded and unnecessary distractions. Loving me doesn’t make you gay.”
Dev actually chuckled and said, “I don’t know what gay feels like, but I don’t feel gay. I feel like I love you. I’ll try, Josh. I want to love you. I want to give back to you even a fraction of what you feel for me. I don’t want to love other men; I just want to love you. Does that make sense?”
Josh teared up at his words and he whispered, “Yeah, it does. God, you just made me so happy.”
He started caressing Dev in every way he ever wanted. He touched his masculine, handsome face, his ears, and ran his hands through Dev’s short hair, and across his chest. He lightly tweaked a nipple, which caused a reaction he didn’t expect.
Hell yeah! More of that later.
He touched every muscle, caressing and squeezing, and by the time he ended up at Dev’s cock, he was hard again, and Josh chuckled.
“Do you want to fuck me again? Before I tighten back up?”
“Can I? This is new to me. I know it hurt.”
“It hurt like a mother fucker at first, but I’m a Marine. I can take it. And I want it.”
“You sure as hell did. Yeah, if you’re up for it. I’ll last longer this time. It’s not often I get off so close together.”
“Take your time. Since I’m loosened up, it feels great, and when you hit my prostate, it drives me crazy. We can explore that with you sometime, when you feel ready.”
“I’m not sure about that.”
“If you never want me to fuck you, that’s fine. But I can use my finger to find that spot. I can also use my tongue. Maybe you’ll like that.”
“Fuck, that sounds nasty.”
Josh laughed, “You have a lot to learn. But I promise you this. I never want to push you into anything you don’t feel comfortable with. Promise me you’ll be honest with me about what you like and don’t like. We have to learn each other.”
“Promise. Now let’s get down to business. Jesus, I never felt anything like your ass before. I don’t want to keep bringing her up, but Caroline’s pussy didn’t feel anything like your ass. And I was too big for her, and trying to fuck her was a train wreck.”
“You never have to worry about that with me. You’re perfect, Dev. You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever laid eyes on. Your face and body are to die for, but over the last year I’ve come to love you for what I see on the inside. When you stuck up for Ian against Hanson, I knew what kind of man you are. You changed so much from when we arrived in country, but I was so proud of you for how you handled that.”
“You were there?”
“I was curious how you were going to deal with it. And besides, I’m your partner. I wasn’t going to let you get into trouble without having your back.”
Dev got an impish grin on his face and said, “I think you just wanted to see me naked.”
Josh chuckled and replied, “That didn’t hurt. But man, my hardon sure did. Seeing you take down Hanson got me worked up.”
Dev went quiet for a minute before he continued, “You’ve always had my back, Josh. After our first mission, I’ve never been as scared. You rescued me, and held me when I needed it. I felt your hardon poking me in the back, by the way. But you didn’t try anything when I was messed up. Every mission we ever went on after that, I knew I was safer with you there.”
Josh teared up at his words, but to lighten the mood, he said, “Less talk, more fucking.”
“Yes, Sir, Marine. Assume the position!”
<><>
The two men rode the emotional high that stayed with them for the remainder of their pass. They dressed and explored the city some to find food, and got a few beers in a local bar that was a complete dive, but was filled with GI’s.
Their conversations deepened as they asked questions they avoided before. Dev learned about Josh nearly being beaten to death and put in the hospital after he was caught blowing the opposing team’s Quarterback. That event severed his relationship with his family, which is why he never received any mail. He was essentially alone and adrift.
Josh learned about Dev growing up on the family farm. They had some livestock, but mostly they grew cotton. Dev was born the youngest of three boys, but his middle brother died of cancer when he was young. It destroyed his mother and she passed away from grief. His father delved into the farm to keep it going. Dev joining the Marines made his father and brother proud, but it increased their workload considerably.
<><>
It was necessary to keep their relationship a secret, but as a Sniper team, they were alone on missions. They both extended their time in country three more times. After long conversations, they felt like they were making a difference and didn’t feel it was time to leave.
The downside was the continued threat of dying and losing people around them. When they arrived fresh from the States, Dev had scoffed at the guys who kept to themselves and avoided friendships, but the longer he was there the more it made sense. He and Josh had each other, which made a difference. Killing their targets was another burden. Josh’s scope was more powerful and he often saw the faces of their victims even more close up than Dev, who fired the killing shot.
They garnered a reputation, and their faces appeared on wanted posters across the country. They let their beards and hair grow out to avoid recognition, but the danger to them steadily increased.
After nearly five and a half years, they had had enough. The concern for each other’s safety became too much to bear, and they both agreed it was time to return to the States.
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