I Thought You Left Me
“Mr. Brennan. I’m sorry to wake you, but Mr. Kincaid is awake.”
Josh woke with a start. The smell and sounds of the hospital brought back the memory and pain of why he was there. The chair he fell asleep in was low, and he struggled to stand quickly, bracing his hand on the armrests to assist his knees.
Making his way as quickly as he could to Dev’s bedside, he saw Dev’s eyes open. Dev saw him and tried to smile. To Devon, Josh was young again, studly and handsome, dressed in his combat gear. He smelled of the jungle. He smelled of Vietnam.
Dev’s voice was thin and weak, but Josh distinctly heard, “Okie. I thought you left me.”
Tears filled his eyes at how Dev could ever think such a thing, but once he continued, it became clear. Dev was back in the war.
“You came back. Slit that bastard's throat and shot the rest deader than dirt. I never saw anything like it. You did that for me. Can you hold me? I.. I’m scared. I thought I was going to die, but you were there. You didn’t leave me. You never have.”
Trying to talk through his tears, Josh said, “You wanna know a secret? After I shot those bastards, when I got you back and we hid, when I held you against me, I was so hard I could hardly stand it.”
Dev tried to chuckle but coughed, and managed to say, “I know. You were poking my backside something fierce. I never said anything, though. I didn’t want to upset you.”
Josh leaned over, pressed his forehead against Dev’s, and said, “I love you, corn fed. I did right from the start.”
Dev said, “I know. I figured it out. I wasn’t as good to you as you were to me. I’ve always regretted that. I should have told you I loved you sooner.”
“You got there eventually, and that’s all that matters.”
“I’m afraid, Josh. I don’t want to go without you.”
When Dev used Josh’s actual name, he knew how afraid he was.
“I’m here, Dev. I won’t leave you.”
Dev cried, but his grip slackened as he faded back into a coma and into their early lives together.
Vietnam 1963
Dev grunted in surprise when the Vietnamese soldier stepped on his back and tripped. His foot pulled the Ghillie suit enough to expose him, and the other soldiers had their weapons pointed at him before he could get on his feet. He held his rifle defensively, but there was no way to win that fight.
He wondered immediately why Josh didn’t help.
Did that Okie bastard go coward?
For a split second, he was furious at Josh, but he knew that could never be true. Josh stayed hidden on purpose, and Devon had to make sure he wasn’t found, either. Lifting his rifle over his head, Devon surrendered.
One of the soldiers stepped behind him, struck him in the back of the head, knocking him out, and then they dragged him away. They took his M40 and whatever gear he had, but left his Ghillie suit.
When Dev came to a while later, he was bound hand and foot and blindfolded. His ribs were bruised from being kicked, and his back was sore.
Nothing broken at least.
Whoever was in charge realized he was awake and moved closer to him. He kept talking, but Dev didn’t understand any Vietnamese. He only sensed their anger and hatred, and the man's voice kept rising in pitch as he failed to get a response.
When he felt the knife at his throat, Dev was genuinely scared. In a rare moment of clarity, he realized the only other time he had been that scared was when he saw Josh unconscious with all the blood dripping onto the floor when the hooch almost blew up.
“I don’t know anything!” didn’t seem to satisfy them, so he rattled off his name, rank, and serial number. His eyes bugged out of his head when he felt a boot on his balls, coupled with the knife at his throat. Dev tried not to shake, but he couldn’t help it.
Fuck, Josh, get me outta this!
The knife and the boot pulled back, leaving Devon trembling on the ground, helpless. Every now and then, one of them would kick or punch him as they walked past.
Thinking of the farm helped, but that brought up memories of Caroline. The one constant in his life since he arrived in country was Josh. Even Dev was surprised at how quickly they became friends. Every interaction he had with Josh replayed in his mind, and he didn’t know why, but one of the most prominent was when Josh stormed out of the hooch, and some guy sucked his dick before he knew what was happening.
Fuck, I knew what was happening, I was just so horny I let it happen. And Josh was right, that guy swung on my dick better than Caroline ever could.
The image of Josh’s naked, muscled body covered in sweat and shining in the moonlight kept returning. Josh was extremely handsome and well built, and Dev assumed part of their friendship was that of two jocks bonding. That might be part of it, but… There was more to it. Dev just didn’t want to admit it to himself.
Dev’s head ached from being knocked out when they captured him. Being blindfolded, he couldn’t tell how much time had passed. He wasn’t in direct sunlight, but it was still hot and humid, and he sweated in nervous fear.
He had no food or water and ended up pissing himself when he couldn’t hold it any longer. The soldiers laughed and taunted him mercilessly, continuing their abuse. He heard other voices arguing. He assumed over what to do with him.
Time wore on and his fear of not making it out increased. All he could do was think of Josh, praying he was still close by.
<><>
The sound of a twig breaking caught Josh’s attention, and a few seconds later he heard an audible sigh of relief and piss splashing against a tree. There was no time to think. It was a perfect opportunity to take one of them out completely unaware.
Drawing his knife, Josh slipped out from under his Ghillie suit and stealthily moved forward. A soldier stood, holding his dick while he pissed. His rifle was next to him, leaning against the tree. Remembering his training, Josh silently got behind him. With no hesitation, he cupped the soldier's mouth to prevent any noise as he sliced his neck open. Catching him as he fell, he didn’t drag him but set him down as quietly as he could.
Peeking around the tree, he saw the other seven sitting around, smoking cigarettes and talking. They were overconfident and not actively guarding the camp. The image of Devon on the ground drove his resignation. Drawing a breath, he drew his pistol as he stepped out from behind the tree.
His first three shots took out the closest three to him. He aimed for their faces with deadly accuracy at such close range. The three shots fired in rapid succession, and as the remaining three fumbled for their weapons, they died.
As soon as the first shot fired, Dev rolled away from the noise and Josh ran by the bodies to rip his blindfold off. Seeing his handsome face, relief hit him hard, almost as hard as Dev.
“Are you okay?”
“Fuck, Josh… yeah.”
Josh saw Dev shaking in relief. Using his knife he cut Dev’s bonds. Then, he quickly went over the bodies, taking anything he thought Sgt. Mills might find interesting. He didn’t know the military ranks of the Vietnamese army, but the one who seemed to be in charge had a leather satchel with papers in it.
“Dev, take off your pants. If the others come back, we don’t want them to find us by the smell.”
Dev still seemed incoherent, so he helped get his pants off over his boots. He took off his boxers, too, leaving his beautiful cock exposed. Putting one of Dev’s arms over his shoulder, he led them back to his Ghillie suit and covered them. Then they moved as fast as they could manage back to their little camp. Any of them who knew where Dev was captured was dead, so they should be safe. Dev’s Ghillie suit still lay on the ground. Covering them both, Josh lay beside Dev, pressed against him.
Dev still trembled, and Josh held him, whispering in his ear, “It’s okay, man. You’re safe.”
Dev sniffled as he said, “Fuck, Josh, I’ve never been so scared. I thought I was a goner. I knew you were out there somewhere, but when those extra guys showed up, I… I just thought that was it.”
“Well, it wasn’t your time, corn fed. I made a lot of noise with my pistol, but it’ll take time to find the bodies, and unless they have a damn good tracker, we should be good.”
Putting his canteen into Dev’s hands, he said, “Drink. I have some spam and beans, too. Eat your fill.”
Devon ate most of the remainder of their rations, and Josh finished off what was left.
“That’s all the food and water. Our ride is due tomorrow. I have the flares, so we just need to make it back to that clearing, send up some smoke, and we’ll be outta here.”
The rest of the day and night felt like the longest of Dev’s life. Josh held him the entire time, even when Dev said he felt better. Josh’s arms were an anchor and a shield against what had happened.
The night was loud with insects, which covered the bit of noise they made. Josh took off his pants and boxers and gave Dev the boxers to wear.
“I’ll go commando until we get back. You owe me a pair, country. You can use your Ghillie suit as a cover.”
<><>
The next morning, just after sunrise, Josh heard the helicopter and sent up the smoke. The pilot came down fast and they ran to jump on board. They didn’t recognize the Private who was at the door to assist. The red smoke swirled from the wind, as the the soldier gripped their hands to pull them in.
It was obvious Dev wasn’t wearing pants and the Private was about to make a smartass remark, but he saw their haggard looks and kept his mouth shut. He slid the side door shut and the wind lessened but it was still noisy. Dev and Josh sat opposite each another and Josh knew that Dev was feeling better when he said, “I can’t wait to tell the Sarge what happened.”
Once they made it back to their base camp, they stowed their gear and went to the showers. Josh’s anger returned full force at the large, pronounced bruises on Dev’s torso and back. Neither man spoke; they just washed themselves, staying close together. They shaved side by side, their arms occasionally touching. Josh had a difficult time not getting hard. The relief he still felt over Devon being ok and essentially unharmed was deep, far deeper than even he expected.
Once they were cleaned up, the two men hit the mess tent and filled up before heading to Sergeant Mills' office.
“Well, boys, you made it back in one piece. I’ll want this in writing, but give me your report.”
Dev started and laid out everything up to when he got stepped on and captured.
“It was pure dumbass bad luck, Sir,” as he proceeded to tell him the rest.
“Jesus, son. You’re lucky to still be here.”
Josh spoke for the first time, “When they didn’t kill him, I stayed hidden. I figured they wanted to interrogate him, so I’d have time to figure out how to get us both out of there.”
Josh didn’t cry, he would never do that in front of his commanding officer, but he did get emotional when he recounted how Dev was treated. They wanted him alive long enough to get information, but with no food or water, it was clear he wasn’t going to live after they got what they wanted.
Dev said, “I took out three at first, but Sir, Josh…” He choked up a little, “Sir, he slit the throat of one and took out the other seven. He pulled my ass out of the fire.”
Josh smiled and set the leather satchel on the Sergeant’s desk.
“The one in command kept this on his person. I don’t know what’s in it, but I thought it might be important.”
Sergeant Mills opened it and pulled out the contents. Most of it was in Vietnamese, but there were also some crude maps, one of which clearly marked the compound they sat in.
Josh and Dev both jumped at the bellow from the Sarge.
“Tillis!”
Cpl. Tillis came into the tent with a sharp salute.
“Send this to Intel right away. Take an escort.”
Their eyes widened when he mentioned an escort. Whatever it was must be valuable.
“Boys… fuck you aren’t boys anymore. Men, you did good. Your first mission was a success, and you made it back. Kincaid, what happened was bad luck, like you said. Don’t let it rattle you, son. You both exhibited exemplary behavior. I’m proud of you, Marines.
“I want you to rest up. When I hear back from Intel, I’m sure I’ll be sending you out again soon. I want you ready. I also want your reports by tomorrow morning.”
<><>
As soon as they got back to their bunks, both of them crashed as soon as their heads hit their pillows. They were never safe, not where they were, but the hooch was the safest place they could be.
Josh woke when Devon sat on the edge of his bunk.
“Rise and shine, Okie. Let’s get some chow.”
“God, it’s always food with you.”
Grinning, Dev did a single arm bicep flex, “Gotta stay strong.”
Josh sat up and put his elbows on his knees, leaning over. He was still tired and rubbed his face, trying to wake up. The big arm that Dev just flexed wrapped around Josh’s shoulder, and his hand squeezed Josh firmly.
Quietly, privately, Dev said, “I owe you, Josh. Thank you.”
The warmth and strength in Dev’s touch went straight to Josh’s dick, but his words sent a tingle though Josh that went straight to his heart.
Fuck.
Trying to make light of the situation, he replied, “I didn’t do it for you. I did it for me. I don’t wanna have to break in a newbie.”
Dev chuckled, “You fucker.” As he removed his hand, he patted Josh’s back in that way he had.
At the mess, the scuttlebutt around camp had already spread about the eleven confirmed kills they got on their first mission. Nothing was said about Dev’s temporary capture. They were sure Sgt. Mills leaked that info to boost morale in the camp, and it did.
<><>
Over the next few months, Dev and Josh were sent out, and each mission, with one exception, was a success. The one mission where Dev didn’t get a shot was because the target didn’t show. Their reputation among the Vietcong grew, and the attacks in the immediate area around the camp lessened.
Their thirteen-month contracts came up and both men renewed for another. Vietnam had become a part of them in only a year. Sgt. Mills sent them further out as they became more familiar with the area and the terrain. Dev’s friendship with Josh grew even tighter, and Josh’s love for Dev deepened to the point it was painful. He kept it buried as best he could, but his heartache was constant.
The pressure among the men on patrol was as intense as ever. A new Private arrived at some point who started hanging out in the small clearing to the south of the camp. He liked dick and took care of the men who wandered back there. Some only jerked off, but he’d do that for them, too, if they let them. He was young, with a slight stature, but everyone looked out for him. He was a capable fighter, just not as big and strong as most.
Dev would only partake when he got so horny he couldn’t think straight. The Private gave great hand jobs and even better blowjobs. He bowled Dev over one night. He had just swallowed Dev’s load when he asked, “Do you want to fuck me?”
The question threw Dev. He had never considered fucking another man. He fucked Caroline before he joined the Marines. She had trouble with his size, so she didn’t let him do it often, and he had to be extra careful not to hurt her. But when he stuck his dick in her, the feeling was so exquisite, the warmth, the softness… he got hard again thinking about it.
He stammered, “No. I.. I can’t do that.”
Seeing Dev’s big cock hard again so soon, he said, “Your loss. Let me take care of you again.” Before Dev could say anything else, the Private devoured his cock. The entire experience rocked him, and he shot again in under a minute.
He didn’t see Josh hiding in the trees a short distance away. Seeing Dev get serviced by another guy hurt, and tears leaked from his eyes. When he got back to the hooch, his eyes were still red. Dev was lying in just his boxers, and Josh smelled him when he got close.
Dev’s smile faded when he saw the redness in Josh’s eyes. Concerned, he quietly asked, “Hey, Okie. Are you okay?”
Josh sniffed, swiping at his eyes and said, “Yeah. Just got soap in my eyes. Stings like a son of a bitch.”
Dev’s smile returned, and he said, “Well, don’t stick the soap in your eye next time,” before rolling over on his side to go to sleep.
Josh lay quietly, hurting. The pressure seemed unbearable, and he didn’t know how much longer it could go on before he had to do something, whatever that something might be.
<><>
As sad as it was, Marines died all the time. Empty bunks awaited new arrivals. Dev and Josh shared a friendship, and many other Marines formed close bonds, but some seemed like loners, with no attachments to anyone. Little or no spark remained in their eyes. They did their jobs, and it seemed to Dev that they expected to die, maybe even wanted to.
One week, a few newcomers arrived. One in particular was large, like Dev. His name was Hanson. Probably a football jock, and he rubbed everyone the wrong way. Big and cocky, he was loud and obnoxious. He overheard some guys talking about being taken care of back in the woods, and he watched and listened until he identified Private Ian Lake, the young Marine who helped the others out. Dev and Josh were planning to head out in the middle of the night and wanted to get some rest. Most of the men were out on patrol, and Hanson saw Private Lake quietly leave the hooch.
Josh heard Devon get out of his bunk. He rolled over and saw Devon at the tent flap. He was sweaty, and his muscles stood out more in the faint light. Josh was curious, and after Dev left, he got up to follow.
Dev made it to the clearing in time to hear Pvt. Hanson’s voice.
“You wanna suck my dick? You some kinda fag? I heard about you. You’re a disgrace to the Corps.”
Hanson grabbed Ian by his throat and pulled back his other fist, about to knock him out. As fast as lightning, Dev stepped in and grabbed Hanson’s fist.
“Get your hands off him, Hanson.”
Jerking his arm out of Devon’s grip, he asked, “Why? Are you some fag, too?”
Dev saw red and drove his shoulder into Hanson’s stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Josh knew Dev had wrestled in high school, and Dev quickly immobilized him.
Dev’s voice had an edge that Josh rarely heard as he spoke directly into Hanson’s ear, “What I do with my dick is none of your concern, Marine. If you’re so worried about everyone else's dicks and what the men here do with them, maybe it’s you who’s the faggot.”
Hanson squirmed, but Dev’s hold was solid, and he screamed, “Let me go!”
“Pipe down, Marine. I’m gonna make myself clear. You don’t come into our camp with your bullshit. I bet your balls still have peach fuzz the way you're acting like an ignorant shithead. Private Lake is not your enemy. He’s a Marine, like you, and you will treat him with the respect he deserves. If you don’t, I’m gonna have a talk with the Sergeant and see what he thinks about you bullying a fellow Marine. One that’s half your size.”
“He’s a fucking cocksucker.”
“Your infatuation with cock makes me wonder. Maybe I should shove mine up your tight virgin ass. Unless you aren’t a virgin back there. Now I’m curious.”
“No man! Don’t!”
“Are you gonna behave?”
Reluctantly, Hanson said, “Yeah.”
“Good. But know this, fucker. I’m putting the word out about you around the hooch. There are a lot of guys who will be upset if you fuck things up. Stay away from Ian, or the next time I see you, my dick will be so far up your ass you’ll be giving me a blow job.”
Glancing at Pvt. Lake, Dev asked him, “You ok, Ian?”
Ian was a little wide-eyed but nodded in agreement. Dev nodded his head, signaling that he should head back to the hooch. As soon as Ian was out of sight, Dev let Hanson go, shoving him to the ground.
“Stay out of my sight, asshole. And if you so much as look at Ian, your ass is mine.”
Dev left, and Josh stayed long enough to watch Hanson get up and leave the clearing before heading back to the hooch, stopping by the latrine on the way in case Dev asked where he was.
His heart skipped a beat over Dev’s actions and his words, unsure how to react to what just happened.
Fuck, that was interesting.
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