When I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building, I realized I didn’t remember any of the 30-minute drive back from Caleb’s house. I’d spent the whole time replaying every moment of the last few hours. I thought of his smile, the taste of his cum, and the way his fingers had gripped the sheets. I analyzed every word and movement of his eyes during our conversation, and then remembered the feeling of his lips on mine. I realized I could smell his scent coming off of me in the car. I remember walking slowly and lightly up the stairs, trying not to destroy the glow with footsteps. The next thing I remember was the jingle of my keys as I set them on the counter, and then sitting in silence on the couch. It felt like years had passed instead of an afternoon. The sun shone in through the big window and I could hear birds chirping faintly outside. The clock on the wall ticked in perfect regularity. I felt a strange surprise to look around and see that the apartment was exactly the same. Everything was just as it had been when I left. Everything, that is, except for me.
My heart was still racing, but my breathing was slow and almost relieved. I sighed so deeply that I shivered. I thought of Caleb’s warmth. But then abruptly my mind turned to how awkward the end of our encounter had been; how I came in his ass and collapsed into his arms, and after a minute of our sweaty bodies heaving on top of each other, it seemed we both snapped back to some kind of reality. With very little talking, we had jumped up and put our clothes back on, almost as if we were ashamed and trying to put a mistake as far behind us as fast as possible. I remembered I was at his front door putting my shoes on before he’d emerged from the basement, and that he stood at the edge of the kitchen saying “See ya.” as I opened the door and left. I was sure I would never see him again, and worried that maybe we knew people in common. I was terrified that he might tell somebody. What if my friends found out? What if my girlfriend found out? I felt stupid and vulnerable. I wanted to put this into a box where I could always remember it when I wanted to, but where it would never touch any other part of my life. I felt inside out in a way I couldn’t make sense of. It occurred to me that maybe my girlfriend would smell the sex on me when she got home, and that I should take a shower.
As I stepped into the tub, I put my head under the warm water, and imagined it washing Caleb into the past. But when the water ran down my face, I closed my eyes and there he was. He came in flashes. His gleaming eyes. His hip bone turning while he humped my face, his open mouth surrounded by droplets of sweat, his little smile. I saw him sitting in the tree at the concert, bent over in front of me with my dick going into him, walking to the river with no shirt on. Every time I closed my eyes, he was there waiting for me, coming out of the darkness in full color. I opened my eyes and stared at my feet. I closed my eyes, Caleb’s inviting brown eyes were right in front of me, his lips curling just a little as he started to move toward me. I opened my eyes again. “Shit.” I said aloud. I sighed in defeat. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to put him away in a box. He was going to touch other parts of my life, one way or another.
I got out of the shower into a future I couldn’t predict and didn’t understand, and went to the bedroom to find clothes. I was rummaging through the pile of clean laundry on the chair when the phone rang. I ran naked into the other room, and cleared my throat in an effort to sound normal before answering, “Hello?”
“You forgot the pictures.” It was Caleb’s quivering voice with a slightly teasing tone. I tried to sound disappointed, even though electricity immediately passed through me. We made a plan for me to come back and get them the next afternoon. Neither one of us mentioned anything about what had happened. The conversation was short, and it was like a blur. I hung up the phone. I was terrified. I realized I was more afraid of the thought of seeing him again than I was of never seeing him again. What if it was awkward? What if I slept on it, and regretted what we had done? What if I didn’t regret it? What if it wasn’t awkward? What if I was… Then I noticed that my penis was fully erect and pulsing up into the air like it was searching for something. I ran to the bedroom to find clothes.
That evening I played it cool with my girlfriend. She never suspected a thing, and I didn’t tell her I was going back there the next day. I couldn’t fall asleep that night. Every time it was quiet I could hear his voice, his breath, moaning my name; little playback recordings of things he’d said. When I closed my eyes, I would see little moments of him. I tried to fight it, but the more I fought it, the more he was there and the more awake I was. Finally I just decided to give in to it. I curled up on my side and pretended I was in his arms. I imagined we were naked, his arm slung over me and me holding it like a teddy bear. Soon I was fast asleep.
The next day, I was more self-conscious about looking like I had prepared, and wore jeans that were a little baggier. I don’t know what possessed me, but before I left I tried on a pair of my girlfriend’s panties. They barely fit, and hugged my bulge in a way that made me feel strangely hot. Maybe I did it to hold down any possible erection, or maybe to feel some measure of control over the situation. The tightness felt a little funny walking out to the car in the rain. Everything about the day felt the opposite of the day before. It was unseasonably cold, grey, and drizzling. It all seemed foreboding. For some reason, I really didn’t think anything would happen. I imagined that he had been fully capable of putting me into a box, and that he might be happy to hand off the flash drive and be done with me. The entire drive over there, I became more and more afraid. By the time I pulled into his driveway, my hands were shaking on the steering wheel. I walked to his door as a man on the way to his execution, and as I rang his doorbell, I could almost feel a hand around my throat. I heard footsteps from inside…my knees began to wobble.
When Caleb opened the door, our eyes met for just a second, and then we both quickly looked away. I was trying my best to suppress all of the feelings I was having. We greeted each other somewhat curtly and he led me to the basement where he said he’d left the flash drive with the pictures on it. It must have fallen out of my pants when they hit the floor. I felt like he was trying to rush me out of there, or rush me downstairs, and I’m not sure which one scared me more. I followed him. He was wearing grey sweatpants and a white long sleeved shirt. My mind raced to try to find meaning in his clothing choice. My mouth went dry. I couldn’t breathe. When we reached the basement, he led to me to the corner near the bed where a stereo system was inset into the wall on wooden shelves. He grabbed the flash drive off of one of the shelves, and handed it to me without saying anything. I stood there for a moment, expecting something more. I said, “Thanks.” He didn’t respond. I was trying to avoid looking at him first, but I could tell he wasn’t looking at me. It seemed clear that he was trying to rush me out.
I began to shift my weight to turn to leave when he said, “I heard a great song the other day and got the CD, do you want to hear it?” I said, “Yes” perhaps a little too eagerly, and he told me to push play on the CD player. The big box looked all black, and it had buttons, but they weren’t clearly defined, and my mind was racing in a million different directions. I couldn’t find the play button. “How do you work this thing?” I asked. He came up behind me. As he reached his arm past me to point toward the button, his warm chest brushed against my shoulder. I was immediately filled with the feeling I had the previous day of losing control. I swallowed. “Which one?” I asked.
“Right here,” he replied. As he moved to push the button himself, he pressed up against me more fully, and I could feel that his boner was unrestrained by his sweatpants as it brushed against the inner part of my right butt cheek. As we both froze in that position, I heard the beginning of the song, ‘Bittersweet Symphony’ for the first time. We stood in exactly that position for what seemed like a long time, but time had already stopped meaning anything. I pretended to shift my weight to the other foot, intentionally brushing my butt across his bulge. His hand gripped my hip as he began to kiss my neck. I melted into a puddle of goosebumps. A soft, “Okay.” was all I could manage.
He nudged me onto the large bed, and came down gently on top of me, firmly and passionately pressing his lips onto mine without any of the hesitancy of the day before. As the song began to grow, we began to dry hump each other in time to the music as our tongues danced like a pair of conductors. Our constrained penises rubbed against one another, and our hands moved all over as though they knew by memory where to go and had been yearning to go there for years. I grabbed his ass and held him to me. It tightened and relaxed in my hand each time he pressed his bulge against mine. He reached down and pulled his shirt off, and I eagerly pulled mine off as well. I could see his gorgeous body for a second before his warm skin enveloped me. I could feel his treasure trail brushing mine as our bodies undulated. We grabbed and held each other and grinded as though we were trying to keep the greatest possible surface areas of our bodies in contact.
He shifted to one side and began to clutch at my pants button. I remembered that I was wearing my girlfriend’s panties, and my face broiled as he unzipped me. When the little red hearts on a white background came into view, complete with a large wet spot on the front, he laughed slyly. “Did you tell your girlfriend about yesterday?” he asked.
“Heh….no.” I responded.
“Yeah.” He said with a grin as we worked to get my pants off. They hit the floor. He kissed my lips again once more before he moved down and began to kiss my nervously spasming stomach. As his kisses got lower and lower, I arched my back and gripped the bed above my head in ignorant anticipation. I looked down when I felt his hand reach into the front of my panties, and gently pull out my cock, bending it over the elastic white cotton. He was staring at my manhood. Then he looked up at me with his big eyes. He had never looked more beautiful. “It’s your turn,” he said with a smile. Then he turned his face downward and his warm mouth enveloped me. My entire body tensed and relaxed at the same moment. He moved his big lips up and down, sliding his tongue around at just the right times and places. This was unlike anything a girl had ever done to me. He sucked my dick like it wasn’t a foreign object, but something he understood. He sucked it like he was enjoying it. The song started again on repeat. The inside of my thighs started to feel unbelievably warm and I heard myself say, “Oh my God, Caleb…You are so good at this.”
I could feel his breath on my stomach, and his lips popping just a little on the rim of the head of my penis with each vertical move of his head. I tried to watch him, but the pleasure was so intense that my back arched involuntarily and my head went backward. I grabbed the blankets with both hands and looked again. I tried to hump his face just a little, but was overwhelmed with pleasure and dropped to the bed with my mouth open. I could hear the sound of him sucking me, and thought it was the hottest noise that ever was. My lips went numb, and I began to feel warm all over. Then I felt his fingers barely touch the upper edge of my balls through the outside of the panties, and run upwards toward the base of my shaft. A surprising pleasure tickled all the way up to my ears and back down to my butthole in an exhilarating, liquid manner.
He began to stroke my balls through the panties gently with his fingertips each time his mouth went down onto me. Every brush of his fingers going upward to the base of my shaft made me melt more and more. Soon his fingers’ caress started from a point ever so slightly farther down, then even farther down the next time. Each new starting point created a brand new escalation of the pleasure that reverberated through my body. I became aware that I was moaning. I started to lift my butt up off the bed slightly to meet his fingers. The farther down my balls they started, the more I lifted my butt up to encourage him to go even lower. Soon he was starting at the very base of my balls, then even lower than that. As he continued to suck me, I felt a finger gently work its way under just the elastic edge of the panties between my legs, and slowly slide down the inside of my thigh toward my ass. I knew what he was trying to do, and slowly moaned, “Yes,” in non-committal approval which could be taken as permission to touch my hole or just enjoyment of the best blowjob I had ever had.
He took the hint and as I lifted up my butt and spread my legs a bit, his fingers slowly slid deeper under the panties toward my ass. When he touched my hole, a jolt of electricity shot up my body and I let out a startled moan. “Ohh!...Caleb, I’m going to cum soon.” He stopped sucking me. He looked up and made direct eye contact with me. I am sure that my face looked beseeching, begging for the orgasm that had been only moments away. His expression was calm, confident, and totally in control. He said softly, “It’s your turn.” “Okay.” I replied, nodding. He let go of my shining penis and it slapped down gently against my stomach, poking halfway out of panties now partially soaked with pre-cum and saliva. Caleb stepped onto the floor and took his pants and boxers off. I bit my lower lip a little at the sight of his totally nude body. I lay on the bed, motionless, my knees in the air and my feet flat on the mattress. Caleb climbed back onto the bed and scooted up toward me until he was kneeling upright, his knees under my thighs. He dropped down onto the bed, bringing his erect penis into alignment with mine. As he took a position directly over me, I spread my legs a little wider to present him with access to me. He fingered the elastic band of the panties, and pushed them to one side, licked his fingers, ran them along my asshole, and began to place his warm dick against it. He placed his hands on my hips and gripped them slightly. All at once I realized as though for the first time what was about to happen. I reached down and grabbed hold of his wrists to brace myself. He paused. His eyes stared deep into mine. His pupils were huge. I fell into his eyes’ embrace for what seemed like minutes. Everything else ceased to exist. I realized it was completely silent except for the pounding in my chest. I licked my dry lips.
The song started over again, maybe for the third or the thirtieth time…I had completely lost track. Caleb gently turned his hips forward, causing the head of his penis to press ever more firmly against my hole. As the pressure increased, I realized that he wasn’t just going to slide in. I was suddenly terrified. I was going to have to relax…I was going to have to LET him into me. I was going to have to open myself up to him and allow him in. Something about that was scarier than anything I had known. I looked up at him, and his big brown eyes beamed down at me in a way that made me realize that he had let me in the day before, and his expression said over and over again, ‘You are okay. You can do this. I’ve got you.’ I nodded, took a deep breath, and said, “Caleb, I…” and I couldn’t make myself say it. I just nodded and said, “Okay.”
His six pack tightened into sharp relief as his stomach muscles engaged to push his hips forward. As he applied more pressure, moving and adjusting his angle slightly, he slowly began to part me. It created a sensation I had never known, sort of a warmth, and sort of a tingle. It radiated up through my butt and into my spine and down through my perineum into the inside of my thighs. I didn’t move. I realized I let my grip on Caleb’s wrists tighten, and took another deep breath to relax my body. His dick slowly pushed again and I kept opening wider and wider. I felt a sense of deep surprise at how open my hole felt, which only grew with every increase in pressure. It felt like he must be miles into me, but each new gentle and steady thrust exponentially increased the intensity of these new sensations until my thighs were quivering no matter how hard I tried to relax. He started pressing again, and opened me so wide that it startled me. In one instant I reflexively arched my back and my hips rotated upward, and I drew a sharp breath that in the next instant would have turned into a pained grunt. But when I arched my back, the tip of his penis passed the tight rim of my hole, and he seemed to punch through a barrier. His penis slid in some distance, and the pained grunt transformed into a breathy moan of deep pleasure in a high enough pitch that it made me self-conscious. Caleb also let out a sort of, “Uh!’ in release of incredible anticipation. “He’d been watching himself go into me, but he looked up and said, “Are you okay?” “Yes.” I replied sheepishly. I thought he must have been all the way in, but his next push drove him so deep that I couldn’t explain where all that dick had come from, and as I pushed my arched hips down onto him, he went in even farther.
I was quivering and shaking and holding tightly to his wrists. He started slowly pulling out, and then gently thrust in again. He hit a spot inside me that felt better than anything I had ever known, and I bit my lip and made another noise without meaning to. He started thrusting in slow repetition, each time shoving my hips upward. He was moved me with each thrust, and that made me feel something I had never known. He was in control. He was in control and I thought that was so sexy. He thrust me up again. He looked so hot fucking me. His abs tightened and relaxed as he slowly slid in and out. His face, though still kind and gentle, started to take on a determined expression. His eyes were big with overstimulation. My hips were pushed up and down with increasing ease, and I started to cooperate with it, turning the bones with his movements to press him deep inside me. I felt like I was flying, like gravity had been a lie all along. I could feel every detail of his gorgeous dick sliding past my insides, ending at a point of intense pleasure before retreating again like the waves of the ocean. I was biting my lip until he hit the spot with such force that my mouth opened wide on its own. I began to moan a little with every breath.
Then Caleb leaned forward, his body pressing my legs back and tilting my butt up until my knees doubled over toward my shoulders. He brought his hands up, rotating them to free his wrists from my grasp, and interlaced his fingers with mine as he pressed my hands into the bed above my head. My mouth gaped as this position let him slide deeper into me than he had been before. He stared right into me as he brought his mouth to mine and fully thrust in his tongue. The kiss felt so good, and my deep moans were muffled by his lips on mine. My penis oozed a string of precum that slowly descended and laid itself onto my torse just below my ribcage. As he kissed me, he started thrusting slowly, and I was totally overwhelmed by sensation. I started making noises; soft moans, hungry groans, muffled grunts, and girlish whimpers. I didn’t care anymore. As pleasure wracked my body, I forgot embarrassment; I forgot self-consciousness. I wanted Caleb to feel the exhilarating oneness that I was, and I moaned like it would tell him.
He started moaning too. His mouth started to chaotically explore. Every time he thrust forward he kissed me again; on the mouth, on the cheek, on the forehead, the side of my mouth. We were both covered in sweat and slid over each other. I kissed him back; on the mouth, on his neck, his collar bone, and tasted his salty skin. His slippery hands released mine and held my face as he kissed me. My hands slid down the bed until they met his knees, went up his strong thighs to his gyrating hips, then up his sides until they were slung over his shoulders. We moaned in chaotic syncopation. He started kissing my neck, and a chill went down my body. “Caleb.” I moaned deeply.
He sat up and looked at me. His eyes watered. His body glistened. Drops of sweat ran down his forehead. “Skyler.” He responded. I thought we would say each other’s names back and forth like we had the day before, so I said, “Caleb.” He put his palm on my slippery chest. My heart was pounding. His cheeks were red. “I….I think I’m…I mean….” He paused in desperate thought, then changed approach, ”Yesterday wasn’t a mistake.” Then he reached down and wrapped his hand around my leaking manhood, panties irregardless. It felt so good that I couldn’t believe I wasn’t cumming. “Caleb…” I knew I couldn’t say it. I arched my hips to take him deep into me, and I could tell that it felt good for him. He felt bigger than he had been at first. He started thrusting again, jerking me with his right hand while his left was interlaced with my right hand. They were both so slippery that we struggled to hold on to each other.
My heart pounded with what I knew I wanted to say, but instead I began to moan. I was sweaty, and breathing so much that I felt light headed. With the words hanging on the tip of my open mouth, I quivered nervously. I writhed on the bed to release the unbearable tension. There I was, covered in sweat, wearing hearted panties, moaning like a girl with a young man jerking me while he fucked me in the ass…but I was loving everything about it. I was loving him. I couldn’t believe the sounds I was making were coming from me. I substituted other words for what I wanted to say. “Caleb, don’t stop…Holy shit….Oh my God, Caleb….You feel so good….don’t stop…don’t you dare stop…Oh, Caleb.” I looked up at him, and he was staring down at me, I threw away consequences, and just let go and said it, “I love you.” He beamed at me, as I started to continue, “…and I’m not just saying that because you’re…MMM!” and he leaned forward and kissed me, stopping me mid-sentence. His tongue and mine collided, and he thrust into me deeper and faster than ever. Soon our hands were holding each other’s faces and heads, and our foreheads pressed together as his thrusts shoved my hips into the air. His dick slammed into a spot that made me feel like cumming from the inside out. “Caleb.” I said.
“Skyler…I love you.” He moaned.
“Caleb, I love you….I love you…I‘m gay and I love you and I never want this to end.”
He looked down at me like he was too close to cumming to speak. A tear ran down his cheek, jumping through droplets of sweat as he pounded and convulsed on top of me, then fell onto my chest. Suddenly I let out a series of deep, breathless, involuntary sighs that were much louder than I was prepared for. He thrust far into me and froze, every muscle in his body shaking and vibrating. I felt his dick jump and his body shuddered as he stared directly at me with his mouth wide open. Another jump, and I could feel his warm semen inside of me. Another jump, this one more violent, caused him to reflexively double over, thrusting his pulsating and ejaculating penis into me as far as it would go and suddenly I was cumming too. As he pulsated into me over and over again, my butthole tightened around him each time my own penis squirted cum across my stomach, onto my chest, and across my throat. As his hot cum filled me up and the pulsations subsided, he fell down onto me, breathing heavily. Our sweaty bodies pressed together, and our arms wrapped around each other. I became aware that I was incredibly warm, but we both just laid there panting. His penis went soft and fell out of me, and his semen tickled down the rim of my hole, soaking my girlfriend’s panties. The song was still playing.
“Skyler….Did you mean what you said, like….is this real?” He asked, as we held each other.
“I really think I’m in love with you, Caleb.”
“Skyler, I am so in love with you.”
Eventually we got up. As we cleaned ourselves off, we made a plan for the next afternoon. He walked me to the door, and we made out for 20 minutes at the threshold before I stepped back out into the rain and went home. I broke up with my girlfriend that night. She never knew why.
