Cottonwood Bluff

I smoothed my jeans, wanted to look my best, almost used the rolled up cuff of my khaki colored work shirt to buff a place on my right boot but...that might stain my cuff. It was a nice day, not great, not bad, some clouds but nothing that promised anything other than another nice day tomorrow. Sitting almost where the slope began, I could see the town, well, small town….okay, sort of a village but it was home. My home, the dusty street that went past it, a clothes line no longer used, a garage in which my older brother used to tinker with old cars. They never quite worked out but I learned a lot working beside him. One big lesson, using car oil as lube for fucking isn’t a good idea. Yeah, my brother fucked me because I wanted him to. Said he’d been waiting around to do it. Ask him why he’d waited. Said….well….fuck, he didn’t know cuz once he did, he was real glad. We both had real good tails….many a man commented on that. Seems some did some comparison shopping, first take me then Donny….stupid fool, shoulda known that soon his stick got bent. Gave them that tried-and failed-a rain check to come back for the one they missed….IF they put enough in the bucket. We were fair but not bargains. No sirree.

Maybe 16? Don’t know. Donny was 17 back then but he looked a lot older-so did I- specially below his belt line. What was there came from a grown man...I mean...you ever seen a kid with nuts that almost hung to his knees? He was the only one. People who knew us, a few of the guys who came by to tinker along with him said...maybe we were supposed to be one cuz I got the cock and he got the balls. Somebody says that, Donny just laughs, says maybe but our asses match. He’d look at me, winks then we’d both smile.

Why not? All those guys who came by, well, sure, they played with the cars but even if there was nothing to do, they played around with us; The tip jar was an old coffee can we nailed to the wall with a sign: “No coins accepted.” We never said it but if we noticed you were palming a bill with a “1” on it….next time you dropped by you got your bill back. Either they took the hint or….guess they could go find a woman or a bitch-sometimes they’re the same thing-to fuck.

I’m trying not to talk about my tallywhacker….Okay, it’s a nice size but nothing that guys at a gym would notice but what it can do is get hard and expand; You want your ass widened? Bend over that quarter panel over there and I’ll give you a lesson. Bet you come back for another then another then…

We practiced Donny and I did with each other. Mom and Dad let us have the whole attic for our place---it wasn’t finished but that was how we learned to do things. Dad knew some carpentry so he showed us how to insulate, put up wall board….eventually it looked just like a room, our room according to our parents, our fuck room according to us. Even tried to paint it camouflage...I guess someone might have wondered why there was only one bed? Well, that’s pretty dumb, we sleep in it-and did some other things-but the room wasn’t all that large so it just made sense; Homes built that long ago have radical sloping roofs which means there might be floor space but as you went up, not much-one almost double bed in the middle, small chest for each of us and one of the dormers made into a closet. A small closet. One good thing, Dad found a door at some job he was working so brought it home saying he knew guys wanted privacy when they did what guys did. Great man but we didn’t bother him by telling him we’d been “...doing what guys did...” for a long time and he’d never heard anything so putting in that door at the bottom of the stair well, I guess unless they didn’t want to hear us fucking, if they ever had, through the floor….and, hell, if you can’t suck cock quietly….We’d been lucky that, late at night when it was warm, we hadn’t been caught screwing each other on the lawn near the fishing pond. Dad had been known to get up and, as he said, ‘walk the property to see whatever was there.’ If we’d been ‘whatever was there’….could have been interesting.

Summers we either slept naked or slid out a window to sleep on a flat piece of roof, sometimes out on the new cut grass. The folks had air conditioning in a couple of rooms but...guess they thought it wasn’t hot enough most of the year to get us one for ourselves. Not sure where it would have fit; Attic windows tend to be small or, like ours, two were round and the one we slipped out, was a triangle. House must have been built...seventy? Eighty years or more earlier. The garage, where Donny had what he called ‘his shop’ had been used to store a carriage and the horse to pull it; Probably when cars came in and horse and buggies went out someone had added a car port and, of course, the truck just sat out in back next to the barn.

Donny had a reputation, don’t know how or where he got it but got it he had; If you wanted your cherry popped, come to him. He did me and, hell, I liked it but it’s hard to compare when it’s your brother. I once asked him who took his, taught him how, the ornery cuss just winked and said…. “Well, one day when the wind was up top of the Bluff, he dropped his britches, stood still and let his tail face the wind, that’s how it got took.” Sure. Never would tell me, guess it didn’t matter. What did matter was that he had the reputation for being an A number One Cherry Plucker; Not only did men bring their asses, but father’s brought their sons and, once, a son brought his Dad. Okay, he had him gagged, in cuffs and at the end of a rifle but, like it or not, while the kid stood there, his Pop lost his virginity. Gotta say, after it was over, and before he could get up, his kid fucked him. After they left, Donny and I wondered what happened next...never saw ‘em again, weren’t locals. Bet it was an interesting trip home…

One time we really thought we’d been found out for good and for sure. Donny was deep in Jeb Clausen’s ass, neighbor kid, good customer, even if he could only come up with fives, but six times a week….also I was greasing the UPS driver-he was only an occasional but his fifties in the bucket...he was always welcome even if he was always needing it double quick; They worked his tail off almost more than we did. Guess it was Jeb who, bent over, looked between his legs and whistled, “Oh, shit, guys….yer Uncle Frank is standing in the door.”

“Don’t let me stop you….just like over at the barber shop, I’ll just take a seat until I’m ‘ next’”. And half way laughed. We didn’t but...we couldn’t stop either. No point. What we were doing was obvious although what Frank thought might be ‘next’ might not be. Per usual, UPS got done in almost record time, barely had his jock up high enough so he wouldn’t trip until he was out the door. That left me….and ‘Next’ which was uncle Frank.

I stood there, just in a T shirt pushing the Green Bay Packer and my sneakers not sure what to do next. Frank got up, came over to me, put his hand around my neck, clamped it, started to push me to my knees-Oh Sweet Jesus was I sweating- “You as good with your mouth as you are with your cock? Now and again a man just needs something that feels good and every man knows a blow job feels real good.” I was going to suck him off, least ways, that’s how it seemed being where he was holding me.

“Take your time, Nephew, take all the time you want.”

Knowing what might be good for me if I did a swell job, took me the better part of half an hour-Donny finally pushed a stool under him, no way he could finish off standing. After I was done only thing left was just to flop back there on the ground and worry about what might come next.

“Yep, everything I heard. You are good, easy worth a twenty. He stood up but had to sit back down. “Yowser, make that a thirty,” he plumb laughed, “ And you, over there, with your man sized organ hanging out, next time, it’s your turn.” I put my arms around him, got him up, gave him a hug, asked he if wanted some help to his car….just got a smile, hugged back. “Glad you can’t fix a car worth sour apple shit, otherwise you’d never  be able to suck dick like that, never. See ya  soon guys.” He walked a few steps then turned slightly. “Make ya a deal, I don’t tell your Pa I was here if you won’t. Deal?” I think we both bobbled our heads, deal.

If there can be a moment when it might be said, “Business picked up” that was it. Frank did come back but not alone. He called ahead to make sure we were both free, told us to close the doors cause it’s just be better. It was. Took the rest of the afternoon to finish the men he brought plus, of course, Frank. Told us might be easier, if we made  one family house calls,  come to his place Thursdays around Eleven. That was his poker day and, well, never hurt to have something to do when you threw in your hand. We could and did do that. Never took in less than five hundred plus, if they were a player short, Donny took a seat. Not to interrupt the game, I’d occasionally get under the table and work on whatever was out and seemed to need working.

We were alone one day when Donny said that...sure, it was good money and as long as there was men and they had cocks and balls we were gonna be in business but he wanted….something. Keep this as a side line but maybe find some job that was regular, paid okay….maybe even had a future. Came over and sat by me...you get it don’t ya? Truth is...even at night when it’s just you and me doing whatever pleasures us to do I wonder what else….?”

Only thing I could think to say to him was that he oughta do what he felt like doing. Heck, once in a while I wondered what it be like to be as old as….thirty and still sucking cock or getting fucked for a living. Didn’t have an idea what I’d do….sure nothing in the automotive line….we both laughed.

“Hey, tomorrow, get on out, see what you can find, drive on over to, well, which ever place you think there’s something, say howdy….isn’t like we don’t know lots of men in lots of places, one of them be more’n likely to hire you...why not? You’re young, strong, willing to do whatever...hell, we already done whatever for some little while, isn’t like you’d turn down a job just because you got your hands dirty.”

“Got my ass dirty often enough….” we both laughed again.

“Tell you what, lets go over to Sams, grab us a beer, sit on his porch and just see what we think about. I’m good to stay here, you’d always have a place to come back to, bed to sleep in…..” Found I was getting quiet.

“Jody? Do you love me? I mean not like sex love but like two people love each other?”

I wiped my face with my arm, somehow got wet. “Yeah, I do. Stupid ass, why’d you have to ask? Now, tonight, I’m gonna have to fuck you twice just to prove it.”

And I did fuck him twice that night...course we both got kinda squiffed at Sams, he was in a real good mood, beer was on him after I blew him under the bar while he served one of the Baptist preachers (Who guzzled five while lecturing on the evils of drink.)  Donny mounted him on top of the bar after the jerk left. Sam said might as well introduce Sin on the bar as well as under it

….but laying there with not much light coming in I wondered what it would be like if he weren’t there? Guess I could get some sort of hound, furrier than Donny but at least fill up the bed. Sides, one day over by Mick’s he showed a bunch of us not only his new bike but a new trick his tick hound learned, how to suck cock. ‘Pologized to me, said he weren’t near as good. Just watching, I believed him. Said that was fine but the day the dog wanted a fiver….well, we all roared.

Hump said he guessed there was a pile of difference between Milk Bone and Man Bone….shit if that didn’t keep us rolling. Even got Mick a new name, “Milk Bone”.

Donny took a couple of days off, made the rounds, said howdy to a bunch of guys we knew, they was all glad to see him….but when he got back, that first night, I knew there was something wrong. Thought he’d tell me all about it but he just rolled over, quiet, said nothing. There was moon that night through the circle window. Lay there long enough to see the light from it move across the room….worried about Donny, worried a lot.

Next morning, well, he wasn’t hisself. Guy we all called Hump dropped by for his usual but Donny said, sorry, he wasn’t feeling just right so I did him. Five bucks, less than his usual. Two more came in, same thing. Finally I just had to do something, went over to him, put my arms around him and damn if he didn’t just bust into tears.

“You know what those pieces a shit told me? You know? Sure they all like me, but they ain’t got no jobs for a whore. That’s what we are to them, whores. Didn’t one of them offer me anything cept their cock and a cold beer….Jody, we gotta either decide we’re cocksuckers and selling our asses for the rest of our lives….”

I have no idea why I said but…. “Maybe….if we talked to Uncle Frank...he might could help.”

“With what? Getting a raise for each fuck and suck? Naw, lets just strip, put up a sign, get you rocks off here….”

Whatever he thought. “I’m gonna go see Frank….it’s not Thursday so…”

“Aw fuck, might as well go with you...get out of here. Hell, we don’t even have a sign that says open or closed….”

We were both surprised. Frank took us and what Donny told him real serious, said he shoulda thought about something like that might happen, just….things were like they were with us an’….” He drifted off, looking out a window, thinking. What he reckoned was that neither of us knew how to do diddly squat besides what we did. Spose I could work some place, strong enough, knew how to make change but that was me….Donny wanted something more but he didn’t know much more than I did save for those damn fool cars that he never quite got to run.

“Shame ain’t city boys, hear they make a pile of money doing what you do. Shit, you’re both good looking, polite, everybody likes you...”

“Yeah, with their dick up our asses or in our mouths…..don’t hire a fella to do that least ways not full time with insurance benefits...”

“What if you came to work for me, out at my place, off the bluff? Maybe if you weren’t around, didn’t do, you know, what you do….people ‘d forget it...after awhile.”

“Sure. Bout the time I’m fifty...Frank, everybody knows cept Mom an Dad….” But the look on his face said there was something we didn’t know.

There was a long pause. I saw Donny’s face change…

“They know...don’t they….”

He couldn’t answer, just looked out a window. Donny grabbed him. “Frank tell me...they know.”

“Yeah, they know…..”

“Oh my God, mom and dad….mom and dad…..”

Frank just stood there, hung his head. Sighed…. “I guess they thought...well hell, I don’t know but what Darrell said to me was that he guessed this was just some sorta phase, you’d grow out of it...”

“I guess we didn’t...”

“No….you’re their sons, they love you no matter...like he said, you’re not like those Simmons twins, not yet 20 got five gals knocked up and they’s in prison, gonna do a good stretch.”

Donny looked out a window. “When you think about it, I guess me and the kid is sorta in a prison, bars made with cocks, locks like lips...just no keys.”

Frank got us some beer, Donny couldn’t even drink his, just walked out the door. I started after him until Frank grabbed me, turned me ‘round, held me to him. “Jody, you gotta let him do whatever he’s gonna do….You, both of ya, never did a wrong to anybody thing cept what people all over the world do just don’t talk about it, never hurt no one, made ‘em feel good….” We stood there, him holding me. I stayed with him that night, didn’t do anything with him, just slept by him and, I guess, cried so much he almost had to dry the hair on his chest.

In the morning, nothing else to do, went back to the garage, found Buff Tillson, up from Medora, glad to see me. Asked about Donny as he unzipped his trousers, hung ‘em on a peg on the wall. Just said he wasn’t around today and did he want a two way or what? Wondered if for a fifty he could give my ass a belt spanking before I blew him? Seems his no good kid had been acting up and, well, he just had to get it out of his system. Told him to put the money in the bucket then slid out of my pants, took off my jock and asked Buff how he wanted me?

“Sunny side up.”

 Did that then told Duff to go home and beat the shit out of his kid’s ass, tell him he’d been practicing; Even offered him one of the used belts from an engine, told him I could guarantee one of two things, he’d behave or leave home. Just hang it by the back door….The rest of the day wasn’t too busy, Frank stuck his head in, not much to say, didn’t ask any questions.

Donny never came back.

There was the talk with my folks. Hard to know who was more embarrassed...maybe them cuz they’d known, said nothing. I put my head on the old oil cloth cover on the table by the kitchen sink and bawled, apologized, offered to let Dad beat me,  cut off my nuts,  do whatever he wanted...but Dad pulled me up said no harm was done. They didn’t care, years of knowing...they no longer got the looks when they went to town, some folks even spoke to them. Thanked me for sharing out the money we made...forgot we done that but Donny, well, he was real careful that we gave the folks what he called our room and board-we were working men, we could afford it, only right, all the years they took care of us...probably more but that’s how he wanted it to be. Course, then, he didn’t know that they knew.

We sat at the table,  coffee, Mom had made a real good sweet roll. Then Dad did something; Took out granddad's  big turnip railroad watch, looked at the time…

“Jody, think I just saw a car pull up over at your business...better get over there...someone needs help.” I stood. They sat at the table, their coffee mugs sitting on the table but they looked at me.

“I’m thinkin’ pot roast for dinner son, that sound good to you?”

“Yeah, if it comes with corn bread, mom….” Tried to smile then went out the door to be a whore.

Weekends, in summer, some of the guys had what they called a ‘hill climb’ running their bikes up a real steep part of the bluff. Course, what with business and all, I knew most of ‘em. Didn’t take long for me to get to be one of the timers, the one, up top, who had a stop watch and clicked it off when their bikes passed a certain point...if they made it that far. It was around then that I bought my first bike, a used Ducati 500, enjoyed the hell out of it. Also, wasn’t stupid enough to try and climb the hill.

One thing I could do, didn’t figger it til somebody called me, laid up after they broke a leg trying to climb the hill, said, hey, hop on that Italian piece a shit you got, come over and blow me. So I did. Riding back from Roger’s place was when it come to me, weather’s tolerable, make house calls, just charge more for it. So that’s what I did. Everybody has a cell phone so I put it out that Wednesday I’d be out seein’ to people-Thursday was still for Uncle Frank.

Didn’t mean to make Mom into my appointment secretary but, I must be real dumb, never put a phone in out at the garage so guys called the house, asked for me and, well, don’t know how it happened but it worked out that she kept a pad by the phone and could sorta tell whoever that, yeah, looked like I was free around four Tuesday, drop on by. Why no one called on my cell phone….guess they figured if I was home, call the house. Oh, and Mom found she could make some side money baking cookies and selling ‘em out in the garage. Gotta say, her Oatmeal and Raisin was the best. On the hood of one of the heaps Do...he never got fixed up, I’d have six or eight paper bags with 18 cookies in each one, $2.50 a bag. Buck fifty less than the Kroger sold ‘em, lots fresher and they only give you a dozen. Mom’s were better. As she said, it was just as easy to make five or six dozen as one so...why not? On a good day, she could clear thirty bucks.

Most days after supper I’d ride up to the top of the bluffs, maybe take whatever was leftover from the cookie baking, just sit, look out, watch the sun set. Wonder where he was. Wonder why he left me? Wonder if he remembered I loved him. Stupid fool.

Now and again I’d hear a hog coming up the back road to the edge, where I usually sat. Roger. That dumb bike, Jesus, I do not know how many gazillion horsepower it had but enough. We’d got, I guess you might say, close while he was laid up with his leg broke. Nice guy, real nice. Never treated me like a visiting whore, just a buddy, sit around, talk bikes, give me money to fetch something for him but a course….didn’t embarrass me or him by asking me to bring anything back.

When he was better and wasn’t working, taught me how to ride his bike-at first, even with him up behind me, it skert the bejesus out of me. He was real patient and after a bunch of tries, some not very serious road rash, I got to where I could stay up and do pretty well. Not like him for sure but well enough so that one day we took out, me riding behind him, and rode maybe 200 miles. Place we went was a real nice motel sort of affair; There was a hot tub in our room, big real comfortable bed, lots of pillows and the stupid fool surprised me; I guess he dropped by the house an got some clothes from Mom, something I could wear in a dining room, real fancy place.

Bout half way through dinner some man I knew a little, he came by the business occasionally, guess he saw me and came over. Asked if when Roger was through with me, he really needed his rocks off….

Back in the room when Roger showed up, I apologized to him. All he had to say was I didn’t do nothing wrong, also the fool who tried that might have to breathe through his mouth for a bit  but he and I needed to leave, get back on the road. Quick.

Maybe twenty miles later, I noticed we crossed a county line, he pulled into a motel, got a room, picked me up, carried me in, laid me on the bed, told me to cry if I wanted but I ain’t done nothin’. He laughed, said he was sorry about the steak in the restaurant that I didn’t get to eat but there was a Dairy Queen across the highway….maybe they had a steak sandwich and could I eat a whole banana split? While I lay there, didn’t answer, heard the door close. Just me and my thoughts.

I guess it started or finished or whatever out there on the Bluff. Most nights when I’d right my-new-Harley out there, he’d mosey out, we’d just sit there, talk, make out, maybe have sex and he did something real stupid; He fell in love with me. I did everything I could to stop him, told him I didn’t love him, told him, what he knew, I was a whore, told him I didn’t have time for him, told him, told him about Donny….Oh, hell, told him I maybe probably loved him right back.

One thing, he said, to keep me safe, what we were doing, don’t talk about it. Said he wasn’t popular and didn’t want me hurt. Guess I didn’t understand but, okay, who was I gonna tell? The guys who came by my ‘business’? All they cared about was my ass or, some, my mouth. Oh, and turned out there was a call for men who would spank other men. I don’t get it but, hey, they’d bring a belt or a strap or a paddle and pay me to swat them hard. Some of them, I didn’t know about this...at first...would play like theys bad boys, get down on their knees and beg ‘Daddy’ to spank them. Okay...I can do that. Told Roger who just laughed, told me to charge double or keep them on their knees begging me, make them blow “Daddy” then have “Daddy”  beat the shit out of them. For a couple a hundred bucks? “Daddy” could do that. Yes He Could.

I drew the line when a couple showed up in women’s fish net stockings and panties; What they wanted I sure knew how to do but, with them, like that, No. Told Roger about it, he agreed. Said I did what I did real good, there were plenty of other men for that, his man, me, wasn’t one of them.

We didn’t move in together; The attic was really too small plus I didn’t want to explain him to Mom and Dad. They knew him, liked him, he always went out of his way to do whatever around them. Helped Dad with little projects, sit at the table with Mom...I think she kinda loved him, made her forget Donny. One time, I had to laugh, he tried to open a sack and sneak a cookie out but she caught him, slapped his hands, told him to go stand in the corner. You had to see it but….it was her way of saying she loved him.

Once I said I could move in with him but….he got strange, said he had people come over, it just wouldn’t be good. He wanted me safe….he was big on my safety.

I may not have been smart but...I thought about drugs. And him. So I asked. Funny thing, he just laughed, said well, sure he was into drugs, look in his medicine cabinet, must be two, three bottles of Aspirin. Pulled me close, told me that’s something no one should do. He knew I never would, wanted me to know and believe him, he didn’t either. I didn’t and worried less. Whatever he did, it wasn’t that….Whatever he did...I don’t know, didn’t ask. As he once said, if you know a man shot his brother, you assumed there was a reason, so just paid your respects and didn’t ask.

It was almost winter, I could smell the cold in the air but still liked to sit out on the Bluff, waiting for him. The good part of early Winter is that it makes two people get close. He had a big buffalo skin lined parka, big enough so that it fit around both of us while we just sat. He was so kind, always made me laugh. That day he said….he’d took a job, be gone a while. I asked but after the first question all he did was turn his head toward him and kissed me. While he was doing that, reached in one of the pocket on my riding coat, put some things there.

“I gotta go now. Just sit here….give me five then look in your pockets….Jesus I love you. Look ahead, see those clouds, see down there, lights coming on, up here, still a little light. I love you so much.” He got up, heard his bike explode, turn and head away. By the time there was no noise cept the wind, it was almost dark on the Bluff. I pulled a bag from my pocket. In it, a gun and a whole lot of hundred dollar bills, enough to scare me. Why would Roger….why?

I was still shaking when Frank opened his door. All I did was hand him the sack and look at him, seeing if he had an answer.

On my knees sucking Frank, the only way I could steady myself, he quietly told me what he’d wanted to, like where Donny had gone, knew that too. I put my finger up, started massaging his prostate. I would not let myself ask but he told me, at least about one.

Seems Roger had dropped by Frank’s house a few days before, showed him some newspaper clippings, said nothing about them, just gave him a hug, told him to watch out for me, rode away. I guess hit men don’t retire, they just don’t work all the time, that was Roger or whatever his name was. His broken leg had kept him from going back to his old job. Frank said he did a stupid thing, he fell in love with a local boy, stretched being gone as long as he could. He tried to be, well, I don’t know, helpful, said whatever job he’d gone off to do, he might come back. I finished sucking him, just because I hurt so bad, wouldn’t let him go so edged him, slow, if he tried to move, I sank my teeth into his cock….It was dark when I left him on his couch, rode back to the shop, just sat there until I heard Mom calling…

She and Dad were standing on the back porch holding a folded flag. Seems while I was losing Roger, they were losing their other son. An Army officer came to the door, saluted, apologized, gave them the folded flag. Donny had joined up, missed on a practice parachute jump at Ft. Benning. Broke his neck, they’d send the body on directly.

Well, what do you do? I couldn’t help them, couldn’t do much about me so hopped on my bike and headed for the top part of the Bluff. Why I did it? Don’t know. Stripped, grabbed my cock and started hurting it, making it jerk off.

The wind grew strong, stronger than ever, blew my ass open, blew into me, cherried me then stopped.

Donny, thank you and take care of Roger….I love…...I loved....I