An Admirer

Tyler opened his locker, rushing to grab his English textbook and get to class, and another note fell out. He flushed red, embarrassed at getting the note and he stooped quickly to the floor and snatched it up before one of the other guys saw it. He was afraid one of the guys who bullied him constantly would be the one to find it so he stuffed it in his English book, slammed the locker closed, spun the combination lock and raced off to class. He kept his eyes straight ahead not looking at anyone to either side, afraid it would start another episode. Another push or shove or a slap that knocked his books from his hands.

He took his usual seat at the front to one side and positioned his textbook right in front of him staring at the small corner of the note sticking out. He wondered who was leaving these notes. He glanced around the room quickly then back at the small corner of the note unable to imagine another at this school would be doing this. He just started at this school, a senior at a new school, and worse was its small size, less than a third the number of students as attended the school back in Atlanta, but this was a small town. The county seat of a predominantly rural county his father had taken a job as a public defense attorney. Tyler knew his father had done it for Mary, his sister and him. He wanted them out of the big school back in the city but it was a disaster for Tyler, coming here his senior year, a complete stranger. The fact he was different, slightly effeminate, small framed and let his hair grow longer than most made him a target from the very beginning. He had dressed in a stylish contemporary manner but that seemed to make it worse and he soon reverted to jeans and checkered shirts or just a simple t-shirt; anything to blend in.

He knew no matter how he dressed he still stood out for he knew he was different. He knew whenever he looked at the other guys, found himself staring at their muscular arms or the five o’clock shadows some of them sported. He watched the way their asses moved in their jeans, the way they filled them out, curving out seductively and it made simply breathing difficult.

He tried not to really look at the other guys, avoided any eye contact for he was afraid they could see it in his eyes, the longing, the desire that so many of them made fun of or worse, the very thing in which the bullies said to him. Faggot, queer and cocksucker were words he heard between every class, sometimes whispered, sometimes aloud, taunting, vulgar.

The teacher came in and sat behind their desk and began to call roll. “Tyler Anderson” and he called out “here” not looking up keeping his eyes focused on the corner of the note sticking out of his textbook. As the teacher went through the roll he slipped the note out and eased it open, carefully, slowly, almost afraid of what this one would say. Would it be like the others or would it be different this time.

I still think you’re cute. I’m sorry the others are mean to you.

Just like the others, teasing in a way, never any acknowledgment of who they were or any form of commitment to act out on their attraction, but it did make him feel better, gave him some satisfaction. Some hope this school wasn’t all bad. He folded the note back up and slipped it into the textbook afraid to put it in his pockets where it could be found if the bullies went through them as they had done from time to time. Later on he would slip it into a trashcan somewhere, maybe the ones in the cafeteria that were so messy the note would get quickly lost. He’d been here five weeks and this was the twentieth note, one every day for the last twenty days at school.

***

Winter had been a cycle of extreme cold then warm and rainy, week after week, making it more miserable than usual for Tyler. Then it grew hot, no real spring weather to speak of as April rolled into May. Just a few more weeks and he would be free of this place. The last few months had gotten better with less taunting and the bullying had stopped after his father had found out about it coming to the school and pressuring the faculty to put an end to it. There was this truce, fragile Tyler knew, but still it allowed him not to become anxious during every class change. He eased out of his car and made his way to the building hearing the bell signaling the start of the day.

Tyler had finally made a few friends, mostly girls but a few guys and he wondered if the person responsible for the notes was among them. He assumed they had to be someone he had become friends with for he couldn’t imagine anyone else at the school writing those notes, which continued to show up in his locker. They were beginning to aggravate him, make him angry that whoever was writing them wouldn’t reveal themselves even after all these months. The year was almost over and the notes didn’t change much in their flirtation while revealing nothing of the person who wrote them.

First period and Tyler sat between Brian and Emily. He had wondered if Emily had written the notes till he found out she was dating a guy who went to the rural school just south of town. They met at their church and had been dating for a year now. Looking back over toward Brian he saw a lot of himself, the same build, the same awkwardness and for a while he wondered if it was Brian. Tyler assumed Brian was more like himself than was the case. A week ago Brian had run up to him all excited for Elizabeth had agreed to go to the prom as his date.  Tyler knew he had made an assumption based on his own desire, this need for someone to be like him but it was obvious that Brian wasn’t like him; not in his attraction to his own sex.

Second period was the worst for it was P.E. and none of his friends were in the class. He stood in the corner of the locker room as far from the others as he could get and changed into his gym clothes, back turned to the room afraid to turn around. He glanced out of the corner of his eye and saw Chase standing in his briefs, the bulge prominent at front and Tyler let his eyes move upward, quickly, looking at the muscular build. He couldn’t believe a classmate could look so mature, so masculine when he himself looked so boyish, far less mature. It made him feel his difference especially with Chase being one of his worst tormentors. Dressed and locker shut he turned around and saw the guys heading out. He watched them go out, especially the last to leave, Ryan, who played some position on the football and baseball teams, liked by all, and one of the few who didn’t harass him. Ryan was average in height and a nice build from working out. Tyler finally started for the door trying to imagine if one of the guys could be doing the notes knowing it was merely his fantasy for it to be true. He really couldn’t picture any of those guys doing such a thing, especially given how they all dated regularly one girl or another.

Third period Calculus was Tyler’s best class and he once again found himself sitting between Brian and Emily. Behind him sat Jacob, one of the guys who seemed to always be around, was part of the football and baseballs teams and even played basketball. He was tall, lean, and boyish in a way that didn’t appear immature. He wore tank tops that revealed his muscular arms and broad shoulders and jeans so tight, so frayed and worn Tyler struggled not to stare at him whenever their paths crossed. Ever third period Tyler was constantly aware of Jacob’s feet on either side of his desk. Jacob liked to slide down in his seat, put his legs on either side of Tyler’s desk and stretch out. The black boots or running shoes Jacob wore were right beside him for nearly the whole class and whenever Tyler reached down to his backpack he fought the urge to touch them. To reach over and let his fingers brush along the ankle or leg.

Fourth period World History was Tyler’s least favorite class for he didn’t care for the teacher. He struggled to follow the lectures, the way the teacher bounced around from one issue to the next for any given period. The class was the only one he had with Dylan and they sat next to each other on the far side of the room. Dylan had been the hardest for Tyler to get to know. Immensely intelligent Dylan struggled with the most rudimentary social skills when it came to engaging with other people. Tyler couldn’t fathom the notes came from Dylan for he was so asexual, never mentioning anything about sex, girls or even guys. He looked at Dylan with his mop of dark hair and black frame glasses that gave him the air of a mad scientist, someone in their own world and Tyler couldn’t imagine ever being asked into that inner sanctum Dylan seemed to have created.

“Hey Dylan, did you get your paper done on the treaties?” Tyler asked leaning over the aisle toward him.

“Huh…oh, yes” Dylan responded, answering in his usual short fashion.

Tyler watched Dylan write in his notebook, all caps, neat, each letter perfectly formed. ‘No way was it Dylan’ Tyler thought as he sat back in his chair.

“Dylan…Dylan…did you get a date to the prom?” Tyler whispered.

“What?!  Prom…no, I’m not going” Dylan replied turning back to the front of the room watching the instructor come in and take a seat.

At lunch Tyler sat down among the gang, all of them sitting at one table, Emily, Dylan, Brian, Kathy, Sue and Charlie made up his little group of friends. He would have fifth period Physics with Sue and Kathy and sixth period art with Charlie. He sat among them listening to them talk, the latest gossip and the prom that was coming up. He watched them, the way they bantered back and forth, joking at times and serious at others. He tried to imagine one of them writing those notes, tried to picture one of them slipping it into his locker but not one of them seemed like a viable candidate.

“Tyler? Have you got a date for the prom?” Sue asked as she forked part of Charlie’s desert and ate it. Tyler knew she had asked Charlie to the prom knowing as all of them did Charlie was incredibly shy. He had looked shock at first then smiled saying yes and ever since they saw him open up a bit more, the anxiousness he seemed to always possess melt away.

“No…I’m not going” Tyler replied, making his tone adamant, final, for he was tired of them badgering him to ask someone. He knew everyone was going except for Dylan and himself and everyone kept pushing him to get a date trying to get him to be part of the group.

“What will you do since it’s your birthday?” Emily asked and Tyler shot her a look of alarm having told her earlier not to bring it up. He had made a mistake mentioning it to her weeks ago for his father had told him they would do something later, that he was going to be out of town. His eighteenth birthday and it was the day of the prom where most of his friends would be and his parents were going to be gone. It hurt to think how different this birthday was going to be from all of the past ones where he had parties, the backyard crowded with friends and family. This year there would be no party and he intended to stay home and sulk about it.

“It’s your birthday” several of them spoke in unison and he waved them down, told them it was no big deal, that he was going to celebrate later when his parents got back into town. It took several minutes for everyone to finally drop the issue and move on to other topics. Tyler avoided joining in with the talk wanting no further attention. As his friends talked amongst themselves Tyler looked around the cafeteria, let his eyes move from table to table trying to catch someone looking his way, someone who could be his secret admirer. Face after face, laughing, joking around, being serious or just listening to others but none looking his way that he could see as he scanned the room. The last table, the one he least expected, of jocks and their girlfriends he saw Chase and Matthew, the two guys who bullied him the most looking his way with expression of total disgust and on the other end of the table he saw Jacob look from Chase then across the cafeteria back to him, a look of concern but Tyler adverted his eyes afraid to continue looking that way. He turned away quickly and looked back down at his plate at the food he had only half eaten and was currently just stirring his fork through.

***

All afternoon Tyler’s phone kept buzzing with texts or photographs, his friends all excited about the prom and all the preparations they were doing to get ready. He replied to each, told them to have fun and complimented them on their dresses or tuxedos as he sat in his room playing video games. The house was quiet with his parent’s gone and his younger sister staying with a friend. He knew he could have gone to the prom, even alone, and joined in with his friends, but the thought of it made him feel worse. He just wanted to be alone.

Or so he thought.

When his phone fell silent with everyone getting to the prom he came out of his room and went into the kitchen. Standing at the open refrigerator he looked at the dishes his mother had prepared for him, none of which seemed appetizing. He closed the door and took a depth breath as he looked back at the note on the counter his mother had left. Beneath it lay twenty dollar bills, four of them in a neat stack, that he knew his father had left for him.

Twenty minutes later after a shower and change of clothes he was scoping up the money then his car keys and heading out the door. He drove through town past the small cinema then the diner seeing it was crowded. He drove out to the shopping centers that were by the interstate and cruised through the parking lots and around the fast food joints in the edge of each trying to decide where he wanted to eat. He didn’t know what he wanted but he realized he didn’t want anything in town. He felt a need to get out, to put a little distance between him and his friends at the prom so he pulled back out onto the main highway driving over to the ramp to get on the interstate. As he accelerated up to speed a truck or SUV behind him made him flip the mirror to the night position to cut the glare. He moved down the ramp and onto the nearly deserted interstate. Most traffic was tractor-trailer rigs and he pulled out to the left lane easing by one after the next. He realized it was a SUV behind him as they moved past the big rigs until they were clear of the main group. Tyler eased back over in the right lane and saw the SUV do the same. He wondered briefly if it was following him, imagined it was his secret admirer, but he realized after a while he was putting more and more distance between the SUV and himself till he wasn’t sure it was behind him.

Tyler drove to Macon, the closest city of any size and he pulled off an exit and made his way to one of the main commercial districts where he knew there was a large selection of restaurants. He eased down the road trying to decide where to stop.  He saw a pizza place he had been to with his family and he slowed to turn. The parking lot was crowded and Tyler drove around to the side finding a space near the back.

Looking at his phone he saw it was eight forty, later than usual for most diners and inside many were leaving. The waitress sat him quickly and went for his soda. He scanned the menu even though he knew what he wanted, for it was a way to pass the time. People moved by his table and he felt self-conscious about being alone, especially on a Saturday night, so he kept his head down and tried to act casual as he let his eyes move down the page not comprehending anything he saw.

People kept moving by his table and he could hear them say a few words as they passed.  Children moved by rapidly followed by adults calling out to them then he saw someone come up to his table and stand by it. Tyler thought it might be one of the wait staff and he cut his eyes over to their lower body, dark blue jeans and running shoes.

“Tyler?  You eating alone?”

He recognized the voice but thought it impossible. He cut his eyes upward and saw he had been right; it was Jacob. Tyler couldn’t stop himself from looking at the exposed arms and shoulders, visible with the tank top Jacob wore. It hung loose down Jacob’s torso revealing the lean torso beneath.

“Jacob?”

“Funny running into you here…I mean…” Jacob stammered.

“What are you doing here…shouldn’t you be at the prom?”

Jacob scoffed shaking his head, “Nah…I didn’t have a date so…”

“But aren’t you dating Sarah?”

Jacob looked at Tyler then looked up staring across the dining room. “We broke up a month ago.”

They stared at each other, neither saying anything else till the waitress came with Tyler’s soda.

“Oh, will you be joining your friend?”

“I…don’t know” Jacob replied then looked down at Tyler, “can I join you?”

Tyler ordered a large pizza for both of them and when the waitress left with their order they sat quiet, both averting their eyes, looking around the room instead at each other. Tyler wondered how Jacob stumbled across him then wondered why Jacob seemed as anxious as he felt.

“Jacob…what are you doing here in Macon?”

Jacob looked at Tyler and smiled weakly at first, looked down into his lap then back up.  “I was just getting out of town not wanting to be around anyone from the prom, especially after they left and would gather for the parties.  And you?”

“The same” Tyler replied acknowledging how desperate he had been to get some distance from everything.  “You come here often?”

“No…I…huh, have never been here before” Jacob replied and Tyler sensed it, something more to this situation. Was it Jacob that had been behind him. Tyler knew he had a Toyota or Nissan SUV and the one that followed him down the ramp could have been it.

“Did you follow me here?”

“What?!  No!  I…well…I was heading this way and saw you in front of me and…” Jacob stammered then smiled, his expression one of defeated resolve, “I did follow you into here. I was surprised to see you heading this way then when you got off the interstate I just followed; curious as to where you were going.”

The waitress came by refilling their drinks telling them their order would be up soon. Jacob thanked her then looked at Tyler. They stared at each other a moment before Jacob actually turned away first letting his eyes scan the room again.

“The place is emptying out?”

“They’ll have late crowd around eleven come in” Tyler replied as he watched a group of girls leave together.

“Why didn’t you go to the prom” Jacob asked.

Tyler scoffed shaking his head then he looked at Jacob, saw a certain disquiet, a flustered expression and he leaned forward closing the distance between them. “You know why” Tyler replied, defiant, challenging Jacob to reply.

Jacob sat quiet a long time as Tyler waited for a response. He looked across the dining room and began to talk without looking at Tyler. “I know…and it wasn’t right, the way you were treated. I know…a person is supposed to be a certain way, act a certain way. I know how hard it must have been for you to come into our school this year and find a place so intolerant, where most won’t…can’t…won’t stand up for them. I feel like the place just sucks the life out of you sometimes, forces you into this box…makes you try…” Jacob stammered, his voice trailing off not finishing his sentence.

“Jacob?  Did you put notes in my locker?”

Jacob turned to Tyler and his expression was a mixture of sadness and relief, the weak smile and eyes downcast.  “Yes.”

***

Jacob had followed Tyler back to town, followed him through the small downtown and through the neighborhoods till they got to Tyler’s home. He followed Tyler around to the back of the house and when Tyler opened up two garage doors Jacob pulled in next to him. The doors began to descend as they climbed out of their vehicles then Jacob followed Tyler into the house.

“Your folks left you alone all weekend?”

“Yeah…not the first time.”

“Really? My folks would never let me stay alone.”

Jacob followed Tyler through the mudroom, kitchen and into the family room. Tyler sat down on the large sectional sofa and turned on the television, flipping through channels as Jacob moved into the room, hesitated for a moment then eased down next to Tyler.

“Have you ever…you know?” Jacob asked.

“No…you?”

“Not with a guy.”

There was a tension in the room, one neither knew how to break at first. They had talked around the subject, made insinuations and then Tyler had gotten the courage to ask Jacob if he wanted to come back to his house, informing him he had the house to himself all weekend. There was a moment of relief, this ability to go somewhere safe, out of prying eyes and Jacob relaxed as they finished eating, paid the bill and left the restaurant.

On the drive home Tyler watched the headlights in his mirror, how they stayed close as if afraid he would lose them. He thought of all the times Jacob and he had crossed paths, how Jacob had never been a part of any bullying or taunting but had always seemed to be around. He remembered the pained expressions that suddenly made sense, the way Jacob had stepped in from time to time when things were getting rough. But even with this knowledge he had trouble seeing Jacob write those notes then have the courage to slip them into his locker.

Now he felt the tension between them, wondering if he could make the first move. They sat close together, knees nearly touching. Tyler felt his heart racing in his chest, the clammy feel of each hand and the way sweat trickled down his sides even though the room was cool and comfortable. He wanted to reach over and touch Jacob, just any kind of contact but he sat frozen, remote in one hand while he clicked from one channel to the next.

“You want something to drink?” Tyler asked desperate to break the silence that existed in the room.

“I’m good” Jacob replied as he shifted positions next to Tyler. Tyler didn’t look over, afraid to for he felt Jacob’s leg up against his own and he pressed back against it. Then he felt it, Jacob’s hand come to rest on his thigh, gently, barely touching him, but he felt it, all through his body, the way it excited him, making him breath harder. The hand moved upward, slowly, the fingers moving over the top of his thigh and down between his legs, closer and closer to his crotch; to his cock that felt painfully trapped in his jeans.

“Is this okay?” Jacob asked as his hand brushed against the crotch of Tyler’s jeans.

“Yeah” Tyler whispered sounding out of breath.

Jacob leaned toward him, the hand moving upward underneath his t-shirt moving firmly over his stomach and up to his chest as Jacob kissed him. Tyler leaned back, eyes closed as he kissed back, as he arced his torso out encouraging Jacob to do more, to touch him, to use him. Jacob moved to his chin, down along his jaw till Tyler felt him take his earlobe tonguing it, working around the curvature of its form. Tyler felt every touch in his cock, felt himself grow more erect, it straining against his jeans. Jacob shifted in front of him and he felt his t-shirt being pulled upward. He raised his arms letting Jacob take it off. Jacob touched him on the side of the face then kissed him again, passionately, as one hand moved down Tyler’s chest, over his stomach and to the waistband of his jeans. He felt Jacob work on the button, struggling to get it undone, then he felt the zipper slide downward releasing the tightness he felt, his cock feeling free to push upward in his boxers. Jacob moved down his chest, kissing the skin, slowly, gently, nipping one nipple then moving over his undulating stomach till Jacob was dragging his tongue along the waistband of the boxers. He felt Jacob move to his cock, mouth it through his boxers, lips moving along the shaft. He moaned as he held onto Jacob’s shoulders. He felt Jacob touch his waist, felt the fingers of each hand work their way beneath the waistband and pull downward, slowly, till his erection sprang free.

Looking down he watched Jacob take him, stroke the full length of his cock then he watched Jacob’s mouth take the head. He watched as inch after inch disappeared into Jacob’s mouth. As Jacob sucked him he began to unbutton his shirt slipping it off of his shoulders and off his arms. He watched Jacob undo his own jeans and work them free pushing them down till his own cock was standing up erect between his legs. It aroused Tyler, the feel of Jacob’s mouth on his cock and watching how Jacob undressed before him.

Tyler pushed Jacob off of his cock and helped him to stand. He saw the tall lean body fully exposed to him and he let the back of his hand brush over the firm flat stomach feeling the trail of hair from Jacob’s navel down to his crotch tickle his skin.

“Let’s go to my room” Tyler whispered as he took Jacob by the hand and led him through the house back to his room.

Jacob followed submissively behind Tyler, holding his hand as they moved through the house and into Tyler’s bedroom. Tyler pulled the covers back till they were bundled at the foot and guided Jacob down on his back. He had always thought he would be the submissive one, the one to give himself to someone but suddenly he felt different, more confident, a sense of knowing what he wanted, then there was Jacob’s demeanor which was different than what he expected. A passiveness, a willingness to be led. He found himself moving on top of Jacob who spread his legs apart letting Tyler move down between them.

Their bodies moved together, bare skin against bare skin, each area of contact was hot, their smooth skin gliding over the other’s. Jacob seemed to be all arms and legs, touching and hugging, pulling them together then pushing Tyler up, shifting positions, legs around Tyler’s waist, hands moving down between them. Tyler felt Jacob take him, fingers wrapped around his erection gripping it tightly then moving along the shaft. Tyler pumped his hips thrusting through Jacob’s hand as he kissed him on the neck, tongued his ear then tugged on the earlobe with his teeth.

“I’m going to fuck you” Tyler uttered through clinched teeth as he pumped his cock through Jacob’s hand till he could feel nothing else. He shifted down slipping his arms underneath Jacob’s legs at the knees. He shifted back up, moving over Jacob bringing Jacob’s legs up folding him over till his ass rose up and spread open. Tyler pressed his cock to it, pumping his hips dragging the leaking head over Jacob’s ass. Jacob became wet with Tyler’s ministrations while he moaned and thrashed about beneath him. He couldn’t help himself, couldn’t’ control his desire as he would push up every time he felt Tyler’s cock drag over his opening, felt the head press against it. He wanted it, wanted it more than anything. He wanted to feel Tyler penetrate him, wanted to feel Tyler sink into his hole.

“Fuck me…fuck me ya bastard…please don’t…make…me…beg” Jacob stammered as he ran his hands down Tyler’s sides feeling the lean torso with its smooth skin. He let his hands move down till he held each ass cheek and when he felt Tyler press against his opening he pulled forward till he felt it, the painful breach, Tyler’s cock squeezing through the tight ring of his opening.

“Jesus…FUCK” Tyler uttered as he pushed forward slowly, savoring the feel as each inch squeezed into Jacob’s hole. Jacob quivered and shook beneath him, held him tight with those long arms and begged him to put in deeper. Tyler kept pushing forward feeling Jacob’s hole milk his cock as he pushed inward. He pushed till he felt their bodies pressed tightly together and Jacob was moaning in his ear. Slowly, gently he raised his hips pulling his cock out, inch by inch till he was nearly free and then he pushed back in. He kept it up, slowly working his cock through the tight ring of Jacob’s hole till he felt it loosen, no longer felt like it was squeezing his cock too hard and he increased his pace, began to move with greater urgency. His body undulated on top of Jacob with his fuck, powerful thrusts inward over and over and over.

Tyler rose up and took each of Jacob’s hands and held them down, let his own body weight press down on Jacob as he began to move with greater enthusiasm, forceful with every movement, his abdomen smacking against Jacob as he buried himself in him over and over, thrusting downward hard. He felt every muscle straining and his skin grow hot. Sweat ran down into his eyes, trickled down his face and dripped off his chin, spattering hotly on Jacob.

Jacob was crying out, pushing up to meet every thrust trying to get more of Tyler into his body. He wanted to feel everything, every touch, the hot slick wetness between their bodies and the way Tyler moved over him. The way Tyler moved within him. Tyler’s cock moved more freely, thrust through his opening stroking his desires, his lust, this need to feel a man enter him, to push deeply into him…to fuck him. His own cock ached for release,  and he felt Tyler’s wet slick body rub over it, press it between them and Jacob undulated beneath Tyler stimulating himself beyond control and beyond reason.

Tyler was moving roughly on top of Jacob, his body no longer in a smooth rhythm, but fucking with blind lust, hips moving frantically with their bodies smacking together. The bed rocked and squeaked and when Tyler shifted up and hammered away at Jacob’s hole the bed began to bang into the wall. With every thrust inward the bed smacked the wall and it drove Tyler to the point beyond exhaustion, his body moving as if on its own as he drove himself closer and closer to release.

Tyler hit something inside of Jacob, hammered that place that made him see stars, blinded him to anything but their fuck. He felt his own cock grow more aroused, felt it rise up off his stomach flexing with his hardness, swell then release, spurting wad after wad across his chest and stomach. Tyler felt it, the way Jacob spasm around his cock urging him to release. He felt every muscle tighten, felt his whole body grow rigid as he slammed down into Jacob. He felt how his cock felt buried in Jacob’s hole, all the way. He felt it swell thickly then he felt the cum surge through his shaft and fill Jacob.

Tyler lay exhausted on top of Jacob feeling the slickness of their bodies against each other. He could smell it, their sex filling the room. He kissed Jacob on the neck, moved to his jaw feeling the stubble then he moved over till his lips pressed against Jacob’s lips, softly, just barely grazing against each other.

“Will you keep putting notes in my locker?” Tyler whispered dragging his lips over Jacob’s.

“Of course.”