I wanted it. I knew I wanted it, and he knew I wanted it. I just couldn't take that step over that threshold - and I kept fooling myself about wanting it.
He owned the exercise facility with another guy. Jake and Ted. I knew they were a couple. I knew that before I signed up for a membership. Jake was the muscle part, the trainer; Ted, a good ten years younger than Jake and maybe three or four years older than I am, was the bookkeeper and the one who saw to it that the gym was kept clean.
Gay guys went to that gym. I knew that before I signed up for a membership. Still, I went there with a little sense of a thrill. I was too frightened to go over that threshold myself, but, still, I could have my thoughts and my fantasies. They didn't hurt anything. I didn't really want to even see them 'doing it,' I told myself. I just got a little arousal off of watching the guys work out in the gym and knowing that they probably then went off and did it. I could take care of myself, at home, after that little arousal at the gym, on my own bed. No strings, no risks, no decisive changes in life.
There were two types of guys going to Jake and Ted's gym. Young guys, like me, going there to get cut and keep themselves cut and maybe cruising each other a bit - or, like me, fantasizing about what could be if we'd take the chance. These guys worked out hard. And then there was a group of older guys who sort of worked at working out but hovered around the periphery of the hardcore training, sniffing around the younger guys, looking for a hookup. All of these guys were in pretty good shape too. Jake didn't allow any slouches in his place.
I thought the older guys standing around and ogling would be too much for me, would prompt me to stop playing this little game I was into of running up to the edge of the unspeakable and then running back to safety. But after the first night, I found that a little arousing too. I found I liked to be watched and assessed while I was working out.
As I got more comfortable with the scene at Jake and Ted's, the older guys got more comfortable - and forward - with me too. It wasn't more than three weeks before one or two of started asking me if I'd like to come over to their place sometime and watch a game on the television. They asked this after a conversation where they sniffed out what sports and teams I was into, which, amazingly enough, were always the sports and teams they liked as well.
As I got in better and better shape over the weeks, Jake started showing more interest in me to. He started giving me pointers on getting the most, the best definition, out of the equipment. And he increasingly was hands on, keeping in touch with me as he spotted me in an exercise or showed me the proper way to use the equipment.
Jake had to be pushing forty, but it didn't seem to be pushing back too hard. He'd been an actor in a daytime television soap and then had done commercials for a national brand of exercise equipment. The strength of his business was tied up in how well known he was as a exercise guru and how well his body looked - that and, with most of his current clientele, because he was openly gay.
I don't think I ever admitted to myself that this was why I picked out his gym from all the others in town. I didn't even admit to myself that I liked my body the way it was before I started the gym classes; I hadn't really felt the need for better definition, tighter abs, and bulging chest muscles and biceps. That's pretty much what I was getting though. That and the little thrill of standing on the threshold of something and not letting myself topple over.
The not toppling over part got harder, though. The older guys sniffing around the edges of the younger guys didn't stop trying to relate to me, and then Jake was showing direct interest too.
It started with him suggesting that he could give me extra help on the machines in greater demand after hours if I wanted to stay over - which I said I couldn't. Then he tried the 'come over sometime and watch the game on television' routine, which I politely turned away as well.
He moved on to getting more direct than that. A night when the crowd was sparse and I was working over in the corner, bench-pressing weights, he came over to spot me. While I had pretty much my limit of weights over my head with one of his hand hovered under the bar in case I faltered, he put the other hand on my basket and coped a good feel.
'Jake! Whatcha doin? Stop that.' I was in shock even though I'd thought about this very action for weeks.
'Relax, Stud. I know you want this.'
'Shit no, Jake. What makes you think that? Stoppit.' He hadn't stopped it; his hand was still on my basket. And I was still on my back on the bench. I did set the barbell down into the stand, but I just kept my hands wrapped around it. Jake lowered his spotting hand to palm my belly and his other hand went down to the hem of my shorts and was dipping under that.
'I know what you come in here for. I see you watchin'. I see the effect it has on you when others are watchin' you. Stop playing your game. You want it.'
'Noooo,' I said. it was almost a whimper. 'I come here to work out. Stop that.' The fingers of his hand had reached the edge of my jock cup under my shorts.
I gathered my strength and pulled out from underneath the barbell frame and bounced off the bench and away from temptation.
'Gotta go. Late for somethin',' I mumbled and fled the floor, leaving the gym without even going to the showers.
I was back the next night, though. Jake knew I would be. He gave me those looks that told me he knew I would be all the time I was exercising on the floor. He didn't come over to me, though. He stood his distance away from me and just gave me those 'I've gotcha' looks. I told myself he certainly didn't have me. That I'd paid for my membership here and wouldn't stop coming just because I got propositioned. I told myself I came here for the exercise, not to teeter along the edge of temptation, afraid of crossing the threshold.
After exercising, I took a cold shower and then went straight into the sauna. Just me and one of the younger guys. He was stretched out on one of the top shelves, on his back, a towel loosely wrapped around his hips. His arm was thrown over his eyes as if he was planning to take a nap there. The sauna at Jake and Ted's wasn't like most saunas in gym facilities. It was warm but not so hot that you couldn't stay in there for long periods of time. This, of course, defeated the purpose of a sauna, but the sauna at Jake and Ted's wasn't meant to be used like the normal sauna. I knew it was a sex room. I'd pretty much avoided it up until then and hadn't really seen any sex going on in there, but I'd had the older guys ask if they'd see me in the sauna later and seen the expression on their faces, and I knew.
I told myself when I went into the sauna that I just wanted to try it out that evening. I also told myself that just because I'd caught Jake watching me when I came out of the shower and then turned toward the sauna door rather than to the door to the locker room as I usually did that the look and my action didn't mean anything. I told myself that.
When I entered the sauna and saw the other guy in there, I went up on the second of three shelves directly opposite him. I leaned back in the cedar paneling and closed my eyes.
When I opened my eyes, I saw that one of the older men had entered the sauna and was sitting on the second shelf across me at the foot of the younger guy reclining on the third shelf.
After I few minutes, I noticed, with fascination, that the older guy had a hand on one of the younger guy's feet. The younger guy didn't even flinch. But then I saw the younger guy, his arm still flung across his eyes in apparent sleep, widen the stance of his legs and raise his knees a bit. The older guy, who was still holding onto the younger guy's foot had a clear shot from where he was sitting of the younger guy's crotch under the spread towel, and the older guy was closely taking in the view. He obviously liked what he saw, because he let his own towel slip open and he was fisting his cock with his free hand.
I decided I'd better clear out at this point. This was more reality than I'd ever seen before.
I turned to climb down off the shelf to leave, but there was another figure in the sauna now. Jake had come in, completely stripped and sat down right next to the door. His body was still something to take notice of, even as old as he was. And his balls hung heavy and his cock swung low as I saw him stand after I had sat back down on the bench, not wanting to pass him, and he took two steps over to the other older guy and handed him a small square foil packet.
Jake then backed himself to the shelf by the door, gave me a wide smile, and held up another condom packet. I shriveled back in the shelf. Trapped. Confused. Trying to decide what to do next.
What I did next, struggling for time to make a decision and take an action, was to look back at the couple across from me. The older guy had slid along the bench closer in to the younger guy, on the shelf below him. The hand that had been on his foot now was all the way up onto the younger guy's thigh and was still traveling. The younger guy maintained his 'I'm not even here' arm-across-eyes posed.
Even while it was happening, the younger guy was maintaining a 'nothing was happening' pose. Somehow I had to laugh at this. Wasn't I on that same path? Didn't I know that I had been on that path for weeks? Where was this threshold I was afraid of crossing? Still ahead of me? Or was it weeks behind me already? Had I made the decisive choice weeks ago and was just wasting time now? For some reason, those thoughts made me feel calmer. I just let the tension drain out of me, and I turned my eyes back to the couple. The older guy had a cock in either hand now, and he was gently stroking both. The only change of pose of the younger guy was that he had lowered his outer leg to the second shelf, beside the torso of the older man and his towel had slipped away so the stroking of his cock was in full evidence.
Jake had seen the tension drain out of me and had guessed correctly what that meant. he moved to the shelf below me, spread my towel off my thighs and took the tip of my cock between his lips.
I had no more fight in me - either with myself or with whatever Jake wanted to do with me. I knew now I was going to be fucked before I left this sauna. And, if so, I might as well enjoy the experience. And what he was doing to my cock with his mouth was taking me into a world of pleasure that was beyond anything I had fantasized. I put my hand on his head, running my fingers into his hair, massaging his scalp as he massaged my cock with his soft mouth.
The older guy was up on his knees hunched over the younger guy's pelvis and sucking his cock now too. He had fingers buried in the young guy's ass, which was moving up and down in a rolling motion. I wasn't the only one in the sauna who was going to get fucked.
Jake was lifting me with strong hands around my waist up to the third shelf and pushing my thighs up into my chest, rolling my hips up. His lips were working more than my cock now. He was teething and sucking on my ball sacs and letting his tongue run down my perineum to my rim.
Oh, Gawd that felt great. I was whimpering and sighing now. I felt my body go to jelly; I was trembling all over. He was tonguing inside my ass. Oh, Gawd. Why had I taken so long to get here? This was paradise. I felt the juices rising inside me. I couldn't embarrass myself and shoot off this fast. But then I did.
I looked over at the couple across from us. They were both on the third shelf now. The young guy was on his knees, on a folded towel, his right side facing me. His chest and cheek were plastered to the cedar shelf, and his raised butt was being split by the covered cock of the older guy, whose haunches encased the younger guy's hips and whose shoulder blades were using the ceiling above him to leverage the rhythm of his fuck.
I watched in fascination as the whitish rim of the condom appeared and disappeared in the young guy's ass. The younger guy no longer was feigning sleep. he was gripping the rim of the shelf with his outward hand to maintain stability and stroking his cock with his other hand. The white rim of the condom appearing and disappearing, appearing and disappearing. And his mouth was slack and emitting groans and grunts. His eyes were wide open, watching me.
Watching me get fucked now. I barely had time to ache for the appearing and disappearing of the rim of that whitish condom inside me as well when Jake had pulled me from the third shelf to the second and scooted in under me and was bringing me down, facing the other fucking couple, into his lap - slowly onto his hard, possessing cock.
This first possession was painful, and I felt stuffed and stretched and trapped all at once. But it was also exhilarating. The threshold broached, the final threshold evaporating. No more wonder, no more wanting it and running from it. No more pretending. The deeper Jake plowed, the more I wanted it, the higher the arousal, the deeper the feeling of release - free after all this time from the lying to myself and toying on the edge. And enjoying the feeling that Jake wanted me and was enjoying me - all those young studs on the gym floor, and Jake was here wanting me. Jake pitched me a bit forward, pressing his throbbing dick hard against another wall of my channel, causing my channel to ripple in the new, intoxicating sensation. He was covering my pecs with his hands, using his fingers to pinch and roll my nipples, sending electric shocks straight from my chest to my reawakening cock. I flung my arms back and laced my fingers in the hair at the back of his head, bringing his lips and teeth to between my shoulder blades. He was rocking me back and forth on his pelvis. Sending me . . . over . . . the . . . moon.
I looked wildly over to the other couple as I was being moved up and down in Jake's lap. A harmony of sounds bouncing off the sauna walls from the moanings and groanings and murmurings of four male voices. The lust of taking and being taken - fully and joyously. The younger man's gaze was plastered to mine, his eyes swimming in sex, sharing in the incredible experience, as if he was having sex with me as well. We were being FUCKED - together; we were sharing the most intimate of experiences.
Jake was gathering me back into his chest. One palm remained on my chest; the other glided down my torso, across my belly, and my cock was being fisted and stroked hard. I was hard again. The feeling was beyond description. Jake's lips were in the hollow of my neck and he was sucking hard. I writhed in his grip, moving my hips, feeling him sink deeper and deeper.
I looked over and all I saw now was the trim back of the older man, with the tanned legs of the younger man extending out from his sides, the older man holding the ankles of the younger in his fists. The younger man wedged into the second shelf, facing me, and the older man standing on the floor, between his prey's spread legs. His butt cheeks contracting and puffung out as he used them to regulate the fuck. The sounds of the young man being taken deeply, no longer nonchalant, crying out for the full fury of his master.
I gasped in a big intake of breath, thrusting forth my pelvis, Jake riding the wave with me, shooting ejaculate off across the sauna chamber toward the pulsing dimpled butt centered between the moaning young man's thighs. The bulb of Jake's condom bubbling up, Jake's cry of release very soon after my own. The collapsing against each other.
I looked up from my semen-drowned stupor, and the older man was gone. The younger man was collapsed on the second shelf, drawn into himself like a rag doll. He looked up when he sensed me looking at him. A sloppy grin.
When I had showered and dressed, the younger guy was waiting for me outside the gym door.
'Wanna have a beer over across the street?'
'Sure, why not.'
Later, in his apartment, I fucked my first man, him patiently guiding me in what to do, until I reached the throes of frenzied passion and let nature take its course.
I stayed away from Jake and Ted's gym for two days, but then I was drawn back. Jake seemed pleased to see me, and I knew he'd meet me in the sauna if I sent the signal. But before I got any closer to that, I was engaged in conversation with one of the older men who was always floating around the edge of the circle of serious body builders. He was good looking in a clean-cut, office manager sort of way. Just the sort of guy I'd like for a supervisor.
We started talking about sports. We both liked football. We both were fans of the Redskins. The Redskins were playing in the Monday night televised game that evening. Would I like to come over and watch the game with him?
'Sure, why not.'
The game was running on the television, but I could only hear it, because my belly was folded over the top of the sofa in front of the television, my knees were wedged in the back of the seat cushion, my legs were spread, and my clean-cut guy host was covering me closely from behind and fucking hard down into me from the rear.
Crossing thresholds left and right now.