Confessions
Josh is devastated, Patrick is stunned. Jon gets up and pulls his shirt over his sweaty body, awkward, doesn’t know what to say. Patrick lunges for him and punches the big guy in the right eye. Josh tries to put himself between the men, but Jon easily gets Patrick off him on his own. Patrick might be a big, strong man fairly equal to Jon’s size. But Jon’s a street fighter from reform school and prison. Patrick, the white collar lawyer, has only spent time in a gym. He’s no match for him. Jon keep his voice low, but firm. Trying to diffuse the situation. He tells Patrick that he’s leaving. Pushing past them, Jon's gonna give them space, mutters he’s sorry. Really sorry. A tearful Josh begs Patrick to stay and talk to him. Patrick says he has to go back to the office. He needs to think. Josh starts to sob which stops Patrick dead in his tracks. His shoulder slump. He can’t stand to see his husband in pain, it’s his kryptonite, but he can’t stay either. Patrick puts his hand on Josh’s shoulder for a second but pulls it away. That’s the most comfort he can give at the moment. But he whispers quietly that he just needs a minute to gather his thoughts. He tells Josh they'll talk when he gets home. Josh is visibly relieved to hear that he is planning on coming home. Patrick looks at his husband, his heart literally breaking over the situation, but also over causing Josh pain. Patrick gives him a little hope when he quietly whispers don’t get in your head. We’re gonna talk. We need to get a lot of things out in the open. Some things I have to tell you. I have to think but I am coming home tonight. Josh‘s tears quiet as Patrick leaves. Once alone, Josh is somewhat amazed that Patrick didn’t scream at him or call him names. Say he was sick over he did with his brother. But, no, he was just calm. Stunned, but processing. That’s Patrick’s way. Josh texts his brother. Jon comes back. His eyes crinkled in concern, he asks his brother if Patrick got aggressive. Josh sighs, shakes his head no. Jon doesn’t have to worry about Patrick that way. If he didn’t erupt over what he saw, he never will. The brothers stare at one another as Jon make sure Josh isn’t hiding anything. No words need to be exchanged for Jon to realize Josh is telling the truth. He is safe. Jon run his hands through his thick, wavy hair, breathes a sigh of relief. Josh tells him he was surprised by Patrick’s non-reaction. Sure he was stunned, but he could’ve made a scene. It could’ve been ugly, but it wasn’t. Josh is truly mystified. He doesn’t know if he broke his husband. If there’s any path forward, he doesn’t have a clue. Jon goes to comfort his brother, but he keeps some distance, puts a hand on his shoulder, a light nonsexual kiss on the forehead. He tells him he’s gonna go stay with friend for now. Until they figure stuff out. Maybe for good. We’ll have to see how this all sorts out. Josh nods his head in agreement.
Josh is going up the wall all alone. Jon is keeping his distance and Patrick isn’t ready to talk. It’s been hours. Patrick should’ve been home by now if it was a regular day. But it’s nothing like a regular day. Josh picks up his phone multiple times to text Patrick, but he always deletes them. He doesn’t have the right to push right now. He needs to let Patrick come to him. If he will. Josh still isn’t convinced he hasn’t blown up his marriage beyond repair.
Josh sits on the couch just staring at a dark TV. He couldn’t even turn it on. Then he hears a key in the lock and he looks up to see Patrick. Patrick’s heart breaks when he sees Josh‘s puffy red eyes. They’re still awkward with one another. Patrick looks around the kitchen seeing no evidence that Josh cooked. He asked him softly did Josh eat? Josh shakes his head no. Patrick then reveals some takeout. He brought Josh’s favorite Thai food. Smelling the bag that sits on the counter. Josh bursts into the tears. Patrick can’t stand it. Filled with so many different emotions, but the overriding one is he can’t see the man he loves in so much pain. He fights with himself, but finally relents and goes over and hugs the man. He whispers in his ear shhh, shhh. Calm down. Patrick's breath slows. Josh looks at his husband and whispers there is so much he has to tell him. He wants to tell him everything. Things he held back, things he couldn’t reveal because they were too painful. Patrick, I’m going to tell you everything now. Everything. Patrick looks deep in his husband’s eyes and nods. Patrick has some things to come clean about himself. Tonight we are going to really talk. Everything out in the open. See what can be salvaged. It’s like a punch in Josh‘s stomach, the uncertainty that Patrick just said. "Can be" not "will be."
Patrick has changed out of his suit into a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. The empty tie containers fill the garbage.Josh sits at the kitchen counter now, steeling himself for what’s to come. Patrick puts the kettle on and makes them both some non-caffeinated tea. He knows just how Josh likes it. Patrick sets the cups down and leans across the counter, handing one to Josh. He quietly asks if Josh is ready. Josh nods without making eye contact. Josh starts by recapping what he’s told Patrick already. He knows our parents died when I was 11 and Jon and I ended up in foster care. I’ve also dropped comments here and there about how hard it was. But the abuse. I never told you about the abuse. It was physical, but it was also… sexual. Patrick grips his cup with white knuckles now. He doesn’t want to interrupt, but he can’t help himself. Patrick looks at Josh, his eyes filled with fury. Asks if that bastard brother molested him. Is that how it started? Josh immediately responds no! Nothing of the kind! He was he was my protector. He’d always been my protector even when it cost him, it cost him so much. Patrick relaxes a little and lets Josh continue. We are with the first foster for a year and that was pretty good. I was in middle school and Josh was in high school. But then they got divorced and we went back in the system. That was the last good foster situation we had. This disgusting couple, who was so good at playing the role of good Christian, church going, family people, in public. In private, they were horrible. The wife was brittle and cruel, probably made that way by the man she was married to. The husband… Josh trails off now, his lower lip trembles. I was… I was 13 when it started. Josh was 17. The husband had started… I can see now he was grooming me. He would always do it when we were alone, his wife or Jon gone. He took me orally a couple times. I hated it, but it also felt... My body betrayed me. It disgusted me, but I always released. I felt so guilty. Disgusted. Dirty. Patrick gently takes Josh’s hands from across the counter, whispers quietly, you were 13 Josh. You were just 13. Josh gratefully looks at his husband. He sees the tears in his eyes, just simply dripping down his cheek. Patrick is all order. He’s not a sobber, not generally emotional, he doesn’t wipe his eyes. When he cries, it’s just stoic and the tears just fall. That’s another way he and Josh are different. Josh continues, gaining strength from seeing his husband‘s heartfelt, empathetic reaction. Eventually… that guy… Josh can’t even say his name, but he started making me… Take care of him. He was so disgusting. That went one on for a few months until one day... The worst day. I had my pants down, thinking we were just doing the usual. But he lifted me up onto a desk, pushed me down. He started to push into me. I couldn’t believe what he was doing. I was a virgin. Patrick’s lips tremble, and he’s filled with rage. Josh's voice breaks as he says he just took me, didn’t stop. Didn’t go slow. Didn’t use lube. Didn’t use a condom, of course. There was blood, lots of it. But he didn’t stop. Then the worst thing happened. The worst day of our lives. The door swung open and Jon was there. He saw what was happening, saw the blood, saw my tears. He picked up a screwdriver and slammed it into the guys shoulder. Then he pulled him off me. By that time, despite still being a teenager, John was already John. Just about as big as he is now. He punched that guy till he was a bloody mess. Then he picked me up and put me in the shower. He wrapped me in a towel and gently dried me off. I was shaking. Catatonic. I wasn’t in my head, but Jon took care of me. He grabbed our stuff and we ran. Patrick has moved over to Josh‘s side of the counter now. He pulls Josh‘s head into his chest, gently rubbing his hair. Josh lets that feeling linger for a moment. The comfort. Comfort he didn’t know he would ever experience again from this man. It gives him strength to go on. So they slept at a bus terminal. Jon planned to go back and get some money. We pretty much left with one bag each of clothes and that’s about it. No food, no money, nothing. A couple days later, dirty, hungry, and tired Jon had me stay at the terminal and he snuck back to the house to get some more stuff and try and find some money. But he was arrested. That couple had woven quite a story, fabricated evidence. Being pious church goers and, outwardly, pillars of the community. Their word trumped ours. John was put in reform school until he turned 18. I was placed into a new foster home, it was a little better. Still not as good as the first one, but I wasn’t, you know, molested on a daily basis. Patrick whispers that Josh had been raped. It wasn’t just molestation. It was rape and the worst kind of abuse because he was still a child. Josh gets up now and paces the kitchen. After Jon got out of reform school, he came and got me and we left town together. We went as far as our bus ticket would take us and then got off in a new town. John found a job and construction, and I took online classes. I couldn’t afford to go to school was nervous to present IDs and everything. Was terrified they would come and take me away from my brother. We managed to save enough money from his job to rent a small room in this older lady’s house. She was kind. One of the good ones. We did things around the house for and she kept our rent low and didn’t ask a lot of questions. John paid her in cash. But then I fucked up. Things were going fairly well for a couple of orphans, living on their own and having a safe roof over our head with a kind woman. A decent job. My classes were going well. I’m really excelling at writing and loving it. My computer kept shutting down and I couldn’t work and I kept losing everything. So I did the most stupid thing in the world. I stole a laptop. Somehow they had evidence and came to our room. But Jon took the blame. He said it was him not me. Even though his description was more my size than him he was adamant. I couldn’t believe he was doing this. I didn’t want him to. But he did. It was petty theft and he spent six months in prison. The kind lady let me stay until Jon got out. When he turned 18 Jon came back, but things were different with us. I’d been terrified sleeping alone. The PTSD of the abuse and being by myself led to panic attacks. Brought up all these bad memories. I tried to hide it, but I woke up at night, crying and hyperventilating. Jon tried to talk to me, tried everything to calm me down. But nothing would get through. Then he started to just lay on top of me. All his weight, hugging me and just whispering in my ear that he was there. Shh, shhh. Josh looks at Patrick, just the way he did last night. Patrick nods, thoughtfully taking in that thought. We resumed holding one another. Him big spoon me little spoon. The only way I felt safe and could sleep. I loved him so much, my protector. My big brother, strong and handsome, and always taking care of me. I was never alone when he was with me. Josh knew he was gay from near inception, he jokes. Having a big strong guy, holding me, calming me down, making me feel safe. It imprinted on me. It allowed me to function in the world, and then… it started to become more. It didn’t happen all at once. Just kind of started… but we both getting aroused when he would calm me down from a panic attack. He started kissing my neck. I would put my face in his chest, rubbing his chest hair. Josh looks at Patrick now, you really don’t want to hear this, do you? Patrick softly nods. He needs to hear it all. They promised each other. And once Josh is done done Patrick’s going to tell him about himself. Josh is buoyed by this and continues. So it escalated. And we started doing everything. Jon and I became lovers. It was like we were a couple behind closed doors. Life was better than it had been since before we lost our parents. It was totally different of course. I was being intimate with my brother. But things were good. I did so well with my high school equivalency test, I got a scholarship to continue to college. I came home one day to find Jon talking with our landlady in hushed tones. Both looked up and stopped talking when I came in, but I didn’t really think anything of it. Until the next day when I came from college, there was a note on our bed. Jon had left. He explained that I was in college and I had a shot at a life. And he wanted me to take it. He couldn’t hold me back, which is what he said he was doing. Josh was devastated. He learned that Jon had made arrangements with the landlady that he could stay there and his rent would be paid through an arrangement between Jon and her. I tried to find him, but we had both been ghosts for a couple years so he knew how to hide. I had no choice but to move on. And eventually, I met you.
Patrick’s anger is completely gone. He’s soft and gentle. The impact of everything his husband had gone through in his young life, how he had managed to persevere and overcome it. He couldn’t hold anything against him. And he never would again. Patrick tells Josh he understands now. He understands how much he loves his brother and how it’s a different kind of connection that might be the norm. But after everything they went through, he understands. Patrick tells Josh he loves him and he doesn’t want to lose him. They embrace and gently kiss. Not with any urgency, just a reconnection. Patrick pulls away, his husband’s face in his hand. Now he has to tell Josh what he’s done.
Patrick confess is everything from chapter 2. The repeated hook ups with Clint and that ill fated final night together. Patrick broke the rules. He cheated. He knows he did. But the worst thing was the last time he was with that guy he was drunk. And the guy didn’t use a condom like he had promised. That’s why Patrick pretended to have a back injury so that Josh wouldn’t wonder why he wasn’t being intimate with him. Josh nods as a realization hits him. It all makes sense now. Patrick had to make sure he wasn’t bringing anything home to Josh that could hurt him before they resumed relations. So he had all the tests but had to wait. Josh gently says, my protector. You are also my protector. Patrick never thought of it that way, but, yeah, he guesses so. They both warmly smile at one another. Josh thanks Patrick for telling him but cheekily adds he hardly thinks his indiscretion is equal to his own. Patrick gently laughs in agreement, probably not. But it was an indiscretion. And we don’t do that to one another. Josh agrees quietly. No they don’t. The couple hold hands and Patrick leads him into the bedroom. He tells Josh he just wants to lay with him tonight. He wants him to sleep on his chest and hold him close. Josh's eyes well up in tears as he smiles, he would like nothing more. And the two husbands do exactly that, they drift off to sleep holding each other.
The next morning is Saturday. Over breakfast, Patrick tells his husband he wants to talk to his brother. Alone. Josh is immediately nervous, but Patrick assuages his concerns. He’s not gonna toss a punch again. He understands things so much better now he just needs to talk to the man. Patrick tell Josh he doesn’t hate Jon. How could he hate anybody that did for him what Jon did. The sacrifices? No, but he needs to talk to the man. And he doesn’t want Josh there because he doesn’t want Josh to feel pulled in the middle. This is just two men who are going to lay it all out on the table with respect and honesty. But they’re going to talk. Really talk. Josh takes his husband‘s measure. He knows Patrick’s mind is made up. So Josh nods in agreement. He texts his brother to come over for lunch. Jon immediately writes back. Yes, of course, are you all right? What happened? Did he hurt you. Josh calls him so he can hear his voice. Hey. No he wouldn’t hurt me just like you wouldn’t hurt me. We had a really good talk. I told him everything. And now it’s important that you two talk. The two most important people in my life. Please Jon. Jon agrees. Off the phone, Josh confirms one last time that they’re not gonna fight, Patrick shakes his head. No. There will be none of that. How could I hate the guy that did all that for you. No, I fucking definitely don’t hate him. In a weird way, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, I’m glad you had him. Patrick can’t imagine if Josh had been alone in all those situations after his parents die. Josh leaves, saying he’s gonna be gone for a couple hours to give them time. Once he’s gone, he texts both Jon and Patrick the exact same message. "Lean into it. Let it happen. My two protectors. ❤️) Neither Patrick or Jon quite understand what he’s saying. Not yet.
At noon the doorbell rings and Jon’s at the front door. He didn’t use his key. Patrick quietly appreciates that decision. It shows respect. Patrick sees the shiner on Jon's right eye. Damn, man. Have you iced that thing? Jon shakes his head no, he didn’t have any ice packs or ice or anything. Patrick gets a gel pack from the refrigerator, wraps it in a cloth and hands it to Jon. Jon winces when he plays it on the bruise so he puts it a little bit above his eye. Patrick clocks this, but doesn’t say anything. He begins. So there’s a lot that went down yesterday. I was furious. I’m sorry for the black-eye. Jon shakes his head, it was deserved. What I did in your home? Patrick appreciates the big hunk of a man being so humble. There’s no aggression, no cockiness. Kinda like the big dog in the yard hanging his head down low. Jon begins. He knows Josh told him everything about their lives, everything that happened to them. Jon recounts it from his perspective now. And the biggest takeaway for Patrick is how absolutely protective Jon is over his younger brother. There’s deep love there, a sense of responsibility. Patrick just listens quietly and respectfully. At one point, he leans over and takes the gel pack from Jon's hand and moves it down to actually cover the bruise. Patrick is gentle, but firm. It’s not going do any good if it’s not on the bruise. A man of few words, Jon nods his appreciation. It’s actually a nice moment between them. Intimate. Patrick is taking care of the caretaker. The one who protects. That’s Jon‘s role. It feels kinda good having someone take the wheel. But Jon can only let go for so long and he takes the gel pack back from Patrick’s hand. He can do it now. But thanks Patrick, who nods fine. Both men feel the change, there’s now a charge in the air. Different kind of energy. Jon looks at Patrick and asks if he hates him. He knows he would if he was in his shoes. Patrick quietly says he thinks he did, but he doesn’t anymore. Well maybe he didn’t actually hate him, but he sure resented him. Had some jealousy but oddly enough, especially after what he saw… both men meet eyes with raised eyebrows and embarrassed chuckles. Yeah oddly enough I don’t feel jealousy anymore. I’m actually grateful at the way you took care of your brother all those years. When he told me that you took the rap for him on the stolen laptop? How you left so he could go to college and move on? How the fuck could I hate you?
But there’s something Patrick needs to know. How long it’s been going on? Jon swears they stayed away from each other for just that reason. Jon stayed away from Josh so he could live a normal life. But something happened this trip, Josh started clinging to him again, had anxiety over something. Patrick realizes that based on the timeline, it was around the same time that he had cheated and was waiting on his STD tests. Inadvertently, he had facilitated the brothers reunion. Patrick tells Jon about their marriage. How they opened it up. How much does he know? Jon tells him just the basics. I know why Josh wanted to give you that freedom. He told me that you are… go both ways. The men exchange knowing glances, as Josh is a total bottom and they were both his alpha tops. It’s kind of an odd connection. Patrick tells John about Clint, the slip up. Details about Clint being the opposite of Josh. There were no feelings there, but it was an itch that Patrick needed to scratch. Patrick wonders if he pushed the brothers together over his own actions. Jon ponders it for a moment. If you say something to Jon, he’s going to consider it. That’s the kind of guy he is. Then he responds he doesn’t think that’s true. There’s something between he and Josh that… He trails off. He’s sorry. Patrick asks if he loves him in that way. Jon ponders again, clearly trying to find the right words to explain the situation. Jon says they use some big cables and ropes in construction. These are smaller cables and ropes interwoven to create something bigger and stronger. So Jon can’t really unravel all the different threads of his feelings for Josh. He loves him like a brother, he’d loved him as his protector, he’s loved him as…more. The feelings definitely went deeper. That’s why he had to step away. To give Josh a chance at a normal life. After everything he went through, he deserved it. Every negative feeling Patrick had towards Jon now erased. He sees this man loves his husband about as much as he does. Different but it’s real. He says as much to Jon. Jon doesn’t know how Patrick can be so reasonable, so adult. If it had been him, he doesn’t think he would’ve stopped at a black eye.
Just then a text comes in simultaneously to both men’s phones. It’s from Josh. It repeats the message before. "Lean into it. Let it happen. My two protectors. ❤️"
Jon chuckles, shaking his head. Patrick looks at him, your brother is making sure we’re getting along. Jon raises his eyebrows, cocks his head. Patrick still doesn’t get it. He looks down his phone again and reread the messages. Then the lightbulb goes off. Patrick is surprised, is he really suggesting? Jon chuckles again. He’s determined that we get along. Patrick can’t help himself now as he has flashes of seeing Jon through the keyhole, piston fucking the guy beneath him. Oh of course, that turned out to be Josh. But the scene was still hot regardless. Jon is a beast. An Alpha top. Patrick starts to sweat a little bit. He looks up from his phone and meets Jon eyes. The gel pack has slipped down away from the bruise again. Patrick takes John’s hand away and guides the gel pack back but this time he holds Jon’s head steady with his other hand so I can’t squirm away. Patrick gently runs a finger through John’s hair. The wild curly dark mane so similar, but yet so different, from his husband‘s. Patrick flashes to a glimpse of Josh, leaving the guest room so clearly well fucked and flushed and that bull of a man Jon pulling his shirt over his head, sitting on the bed. Patrick's pulse races and his cock starts to harden. Thickening, he keeps one hand on Jon’s eye with the gel pack, but the other hand starts to become a little more aggressive, a little firmer. Playing with Jon’s hair, teasing the curls with just a little pull. An almost inaudible growl escapes Jon’s throat now. He shivers. Patrick is awakening the beast. And this fucking excites Patrick to no end. Patrick puts the gel pack down. Put his free hand on John’s neck. Squeezing firmly. Your brother wants us to get along. What do you want? John sit stoically for a few minutes, considering. He starts to breathe heavily through his nose like a bowl. Short burse like he’s getting ready to run toward the red cape. Suddenly Jon gets up grabs Patrick’s whole body and lift him onto the counter, his legs on either side of him. Patrick’s eyes are wide at the power of this bull. He knew he was strong, but holy fuck! Jon hungrily takes Patrick’s mouth with his own. The two alpha men, who have opened up to one another in such an intimate way, are now going to consummate that new bond.
More coming soon. And yes, the Alpha sex scene will be detailed
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