A Private Brotherhood Worth Fighting For

Phil

Since I didn't have any classes on Fridays, I'd had Dad pick me up from the train station this morning. We were in his car on the way home, driving north through the highway. I couldn't be as silent as he preferred me to be. I didn't care if he didn't like to talk much. He'd skirted around every question about Paul, acting a bit weird. Something wasn't right. Paul was in trouble. My little bro needed me.

When I'd chosen to go back home, I hadn't bothered telling my girlfriend about it. It was a personal matter between brothers, and she didn't need to know a thing. God, I missed Paul already. His touch, his taste, his kisses, fucking him, cuddling with him. I missed being with him in every way possible. What the fuck? Was I not straight anymore? I still couldn't figure it out.

I looked out the rolled-down passenger window, wind in my face. I blew a big breath. "I think I should call the cops and report Paul missing."

"I told you he's in college." Dad seemed calm but mysterious in a way I couldn't describe.

"I don't think he has classes on Fridays since it's not as common as on Mondays through Thursdays. And there's no dorms there since it's just a tiny community college, so if I don't see him home soon, I'm going to be worried."

"He's going away for a while."

"I don't believe that." Dad was hiding something because it sounded like the story was changing. I didn't know what it was, but I had to get to the bottom of it. "He doesn't have very many friends, and he doesn't go out a lot."

"People do change."

This was getting frustrating. I always knew never to be defiant with Dad, but he was being deliberately obtuse, and I was desperate. Paul wouldn't have used our secret code for no reason because we'd agreed never to do that. Otherwise, we'd never know if we were really in trouble. "Dad, what are you hiding?" I kept my voice in control to avoid arguing.

"What makes you think I'm hiding something, Philip?" Why was Dad acting so calm?

"Because you're acting…different. I don't know, I can't explain it. But I feel like you don't want to tell me something."

"Well? I can tell you this. He needs to repent for his faggotry."

I was shocked because I hadn't thought Dad would've found out Paul was gay, but I tried not to let it show. "What are you talking about?"

Dad placed his hand on my leg and gave it a few affectionate taps before moving it away. "I know what he did to you, Philip. It's why I won't let him near you again."

What Paul had done to me? Did Dad know something that he wasn't supposed to know?

"He seduced you," Dad added. "But I know you're not a dirty faggot like your brother."

I swallowed, wondering what the hell was going on. "Where is he?"

"I already told you, and he's not coming near you. You'll be protected from his seduction."

My heart beat faster. "I don't understand what you're talking." In truth, I did, or I at least suspected. Goosebumps covered my skin.

"I know all about the devil entering his body and seducing you. I watched it all on camera."

I paused. Fuck. Dad knew. Now, I understood why Paul was in trouble. Dad must've done something to him. "Are you going to punish him?"

"It's already taken care of." Still calm, making me not like the sound of that.

"What did you do to him?"

"That's not your concern."

"It is my concern. He's my brother. He means everything to me." Paul needed me. I'd left him home when he'd been in danger, and I needed to save him from this crazy man called Dad. I should've found a way to take Paul with me. How could I have been so stupid by leaving him behind? This was all my fault, and the realization hit me with depression.

It took a moment for Dad to speak again. "If I tell you what I did, you won't be able to go back to school."

At this point, I didn't care. School was more exhausting and challenging than I'd thought. But as much as I didn't want to give up on it, Paul was more important. He was my little brother. He was family. I loved him. "Then I won't go back. So, tell me."

Dad paused for a moment. "In that case, how about I drive you there instead. You can see him."

My heart lifted with hope. But why was Dad so mysterious about it? Why couldn't he just tell me directly without having to take me to see him for me to know? When I'd called Paul so many times these days, just straight to voicemail each time, I'd known then that something was off. He'd never ignore my calls, and if he couldn't answer, he'd call me back. I really hoped he was safe. I didn't like the sound of any kind of punishment over him being gay.

I looked at Dad and couldn't believe how calm he was as if unaffected by Paul. Did he even care? I knew he hated gay people, but Paul was his son, my brother. Dad had to have cared even a little.

He sighed. "I'm starting to worry about you, Philip."

"Why?"

"Because you enjoyed being with Paul every time he committed those sinful acts with you, and now you want to see him even after what he did to you."

I felt bold because of how desperate I was. Now that I knew Dad wasn't angry or on the verge of disowning me over my sexual involvement with Paul, I could be more defensive about the situation. "It wasn't just his fault."

"Yes, Philip, it was. You're not a faggot. I can't let you become one. I can't have two faggots for sons."

"Dad…we did what we did because we were curious. We couldn't control how our bodies felt."

"That was the devil speaking to you. You've been such a good son all these years, Philip. Now, I'm starting to wonder if I should cure you too."

My eyebrows lowered. "Cure me? I'm straight, Dad. It was just curiosity, that's all." Was I straight, though? I'd read about straight men having sex with other men for pleasure, but they didn't experience any sexual attraction to them. They still thought about and desired women. I was just like those men, wasn't I?

"Yes," Dad said. "I can cure you in my own way. No therapist, no camp. Just me."

"But I don't need a cure."

"I want to believe that, Philip. I really do. But the more I feel what I feel right now, the more I worry. You'll see soon enough." When would he stop being so fucking vague about everything and just tell me the truth?

I stayed quiet and continued looking out the window. Dad was nuts, and living with him and Mom my whole life had been toxic. Even though I didn't know exactly what was going on, I was finally going to see Paul again in just moments. And as soon as I saw him, I was going to get him out of here.

Fuck this hellhole of a town.

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