A Consuming Desire

Vikram had this idea, one man wanting another, wanting him so bad he was willing to try almost anything to get his attention. It was an idea about how far a person was willing to go for the one that captured their sense of longing and want. And could the other accept them, even if it challenged how they viewed themselves. There were aspects to Vikram’s idea I struggled with, but the general premise was intriguing. So, after many starts and stops, of trying to tell his story, we have this little tale. Vikram, I hope, despite my changes, it is what you envision.

For anyone curious, the other story that Vikram and I worked together was Infirmier, posted on 25 October 2019. 

“Nothing is far and nothing is near, if one desires. The world is little, people are little, human life is little. There is only one big thing: desire.

Willa Cather

Andy

Andy sat in his cubicle doing the final touches for a presentation. He had been working with Gabriel since last Wednesday getting the engineering proposals, creating a synopsis of the program per meetings with the client, and pulling images of past projects. He came to the permitting process and realized it was a city he had had no dealings. He rolled back to the aisle and stuck his head into Jordan’s cubicle.

“Hey, Jordan, have you dealt with the permitting process in Columbia?”

Jordan pulls his earbuds out and looks around.

“What did you ask?”

“Have you dealt with the permitting process down in Columbia?”

“OH, yes, what do you need to know?”

Andy rolled into Jordan’s cubicle and laid out his list of questions. He listened to Jordan read them aloud, then write down the answer to each one. He looked at Jordan, telling himself not to do it. Don’t size Jordan up. But it was difficult for him not to do so. He had been with the firm since June, the second place he had worked since college, the first a small firm of only eight people. He liked the atmosphere of the small firm, and all the responsibility he was given so quickly, he just an intern at the time. But the recession had hit it hard, their main project type slowed dramatically due to it. So, he had interviewed with Aware, one of the largest firms in the city, and with his experience, and just registered, it allowed them to hire him for less than some older person with years of experience.

It also gave Andy more eye candy than he could handle. He had struggled with living in a new city, where he knew no one. For the first three years, he was always tight on money, with student loan payments, the rent more than he anticipated, and his old car starting to need repairs. His intern salary was less than he had hoped but he knew a small firm couldn’t match a large firm, and it was the accelerated rate of experience that caused him to take that first job. Now it was paying off, for the large firm had met his salary request, and he felt like he could breathe for the first time since college, and it allowed him more spending cash.

He had begun to explore the city more, finding bars in those small business districts around the perimeter of the city. Bars that reflected the neighborhood. Pink in the arts district, an area of galleries, consignment shops, and diverse residents, then there was Central Station, in the old warehouse district with the train tracks cutting through it. An area changing rapidly with offices, micro-brewers, specialty shops and grocers that cater to the organic and vegetarian needs, and in the middle of it all, rainbow flag flying proudly from the front, sat Central Station. In Oak Park, with its tree lined streets and early and mid-century homes, there was a small group of buildings that made it up its business district, and in the old drug store there was 321, a bar that simply used its address, and inside nothing special about its traditional décor. It was simply a neighborhood bar, one that catered predominantly to the gay community.

But Andy was shy, had trouble starting conversations with strangers, especially if they were already in a group. There had been a couple of disastrous dates, nothing too crazy, but it left him feeling lonely. And it caused him to size up the guys at the firm. He looked at Jordan and wondered what he would be like in bed. Aggressive? Gentle? Playful? It was foolishness to speculate, for he knew Jordan was dating someone. And by the photographs pinned to the cubicle walls and the screen saver he had seen in the past, knew it was a very happy relationship.

“Here ya go. Columbia isn’t a difficult permitting process,” said Jordan holding the list with all the answers written out.

“Thanks Jordan,” Andy replied, taking the page. He began to roll back across the aisle when he heard a commotion near the front of the room. The door to the small conference room swung open and several of his fellow employees came out with one of the partners. They were jovial, laughing loudly, and when Benjamin Gregory Adams came out with them, getting slaps on the back and approving looks, Andy knew the golden boy had done it again. Ben was one of the best at getting clients to choose them for their architect. Someone who knew how to gain their confidence, explain the firm’s capabilities, making the client think no one else in the city could do what they could.

Andy watched Ben, as he did every chance he got. Tall, muscular body that filled out shirts so seductively, Ben had women flirting with him all the time. He felt jealous, wishing he could openly flirt with Ben. Instead, he admired him from afar, afraid of revealing his infatuation with him.

The plotter ran out of paper, and Andy wondered how that was possible since so few used it. Most drawings were converted to a PDF format and sent via email, not plotted out on bond paper, then reproduced in quantity by one of the reproduction shops. He set the machine for a reload, opened it up, then went to the boxes that held replacement rolls. Roll in hand, he turned to return to the machine and saw Ben was standing at the machine. A shyness overcame him, the type he suffered as a young child, unable to look Ben in the eye. He moved to the machine, keeping his head down.

“Hey, Adam, how long will it be?” asked Ben.

“It’s Andy, and I only have six sheets to plot.”

“Oh, sorry. I’ll come back,” Ben replied.

Andy sensed Ben’s departure, and he glanced back to make sure he was alone in the plot room. It embarrassed him how he couldn’t even face Ben, knowing it would be obvious to anyone who saw that he was attracted to Ben. He didn’t act like this around the other guys, for none of them captured his eye like Ben.

Ever since he began at the firm, from the first time he saw Ben, he knew it was going to be a problem. Time and time again, he stammered and stuttered when Ben was nearby, and he avoided eye contact with him, turning toward anyone else that was within the circle. It was foolish. Crazy even, but Ben reminded him of his first crush, a classmate in high school. Charlie wasn’t as muscular, for they had still been teens yet to fill out, but there was something of the same demeanor and mannerism. And Ben and Charlie could have been brothers for how similar in appearance. Ben was a more mature, more masculine edition of Charlie, and it made his heart race whenever he saw him.

Andy got the drawings stamped and sealed by the architect, a transmittal put with them and dropped them off at their small mail room for Stacy to get in the night’s shipments for delivery the next day. Back at his desk, he pulled out the notes for the next project he was to begin work. He read through them, made notes of his own, then began sketching up a solution.

“Andy?” Jordan called out, sitting at the entry to his own cubicle.

Andy rolled back and looked over. “Yeah, what’s up?”

“A bunch of us are going to the Warehouse for drinks. You in?”

“Sure.”

“See you there,” Jordan replied, rolling back to his desk.

The restaurant had a bar to one side, a U-shaped bar that filled most of the room in which it sat, with French doors opening to a patio nestled between the restaurant and the used bookstore next door. It was five-thirty, happy hour after another workday, and the bar was crowded. On the back side of the bar, it was the group from the firm. Everyone was on their first drink, a cocktail, or a beer, laughing and joking around, glad for the week to be over. Andy stood to one side, Jordan on his right and Linda on the left. In front of him were the core group, those that knew each other for years. On the far side, Ben stood talking to Amy and Devin. On the other side, directly in Andy’s line of sight. Every look up there Ben stood. And amongst the many voices, Andy could pick out nearly every word Ben said.

They had been at the bar for nearly two hours and numerous drinks, when Andy saw Ben look his way. The briefest eye contact, a quick glance, then the look away. ‘Does he dislike me for some reason?’ Andy thought, as he set his empty glass down.

“I’m calling it a night.”

Andy made his way to the front, squeezing through the throng of people now crowding the bar, and out the front. He had intended to stay longer, have dinner with everyone once they could get a couple of tables together, but the way Ben had looked away, like he was ashamed Andy saw him look, made him want to be home. He would warm up some soup, or microwave something, or maybe stop at the little market down the street with its deli in back and get a sandwich. He could pile up on the sofa and watch television until tired enough to sleep.

But it was not the way the night transpired. Instead, he sat on his balcony and stared out into the night. He didn’t eat, nor did he watch television for all he wanted was to think about his preconceptions about the night, focused mainly on Ben. He wanted Ben to be someone who liked him, someone to flirt with and eventually go out on dates, form a relationship, knowing the fairy tale aspect of it. He was willing to settle for just being treated like the others, a co-worker to have some level of respect, but tonight it seemed he couldn’t even expect that courtesy.

“Fuck”, Andy whispers, then gets up to go lay on his bed where he would be still awake until the morning sun shines in.

Ben

Ben loved a challenge, some dare that would push him beyond the normal bounds. He excelled at baseball, from his t-ball youth to his days in college playing first baseman. He accepted dares for high dives in the aquatic center on campus, held his liquor when others were passed out or puking over balcony railings or in toilets. And he sold his designs in studio while in college and later in the real-world environment of the firm with great success. But the challenge he loved the most was the pursuit of someone attractive or enticing in some way.

Ben could flirt and tease, winning over nearly every woman. But it never lasted. Never became serious. When asked about his bachelor status he merely shrugged and said he was in no hurry to settle down. He just liked being single, and when a bit drunk, admit to liking the chase. And the freedom to look.

He looked at the blondes, the brunettes, and the red heads. He saw each one’s beauty and what it would be like to be with them, even if for a short time. All through high school and college and his first years at the firm, he never considered the male sex. He considered himself straight, not someone floating on the spectrum of sexuality. He had looked at guys, seeing their bodies in changing or shower rooms, but he considered it just a curiosity, a quick comparison of their physiques. He had seen guys with cocks different from his own. Some thicker, or hung a little longer or shorter, or were uncut, and there was a brief thought of what sex was like for them, and would their cocks feel the same as his own when masturbating. But all these perceptions about himself became challenged when the new intern with red hair showed up.

Ben didn’t know why Andy bothered him so. He lied about remembering his name and avoided contact with him. But he couldn’t take his eyes off the red hair and slim body. It reminded him of Tracy, his first crush, the first to let him get to second base back in high school. Andy didn’t act feminine, nor did he seem androgynous in some way. But there was something about Andy that unnerved him, so he kept his distance, avoided direct contact, and tried not to think of it.

A Monday morning arrived after a particularly fun and wicked weekend. Ben had met a woman at a bar on Friday night and they had spent Friday night until Sunday morning at her place fucking, drinking, eating, and smoking weed. He had abandoned all thoughts of being responsible. Of getting home and cleaning, doing laundry, or getting to the gym for his workout. They had fucked until he couldn’t even get hard anymore, then they laid on the floor of the living room high and a bit tipsy, laughing at their antics.

It took all day Sunday to get to feeling like he was human again, taking aspirin and drinking water.

Ben strolled into work to find his manager waiting at his desk, a roll of drawings in hand.

“Good morning, Mr. Pakulski. What’s up?”

“Got a project to start the schematics. I’m going to put you with a couple of others and have you guys work out the plans from my notes and sketches. When will you be done with the Gateway project?”

“We sent it out Friday for permitting.”

“Perfect. Elizabeth, go get Andy and meet us in Conference Room A,” Mr. Pakulski says to the intern in the cubicle across the aisle.

“Yes, sir,” Elizabeth replied. She heads toward the far end of the room and Ben watches, feeling anxious, for he only knows one Andy in the firm.

There was six of them on the design team. Mr. Pakulski, who would be architect of record, Rachel from the design studio to help with presentation formatting, Ben, as lead designer, two interns, Li Xiu and Elizabeth, and Andy. They worked for two weeks, coming up with concept plans, then developing them into schematic plans and elevations. Ben worked closely with the partner and Rachel and looked over the shoulders of the others. Andy had fallen into the position of leading the two interns then coordinating with Ben. Ben kept a professional face on his interactions with Andy. There was no one compelling reason, just the sense he should not get too close. He would stand behind Andy while he presented some ideas of his own or ask questions about the design. Ben kept a focus on the sketches scattered over the desk and the computer screen where everything was coming together. And he would look at the red hair, seeing how it appeared to be trying to curl. If it were just a bit longer, Ben knew it would want to curl and become wavy. Every time he saw the back of Andy’s head, he thought of Tracy. It rattled him, how easily it did so.

Andy

Two weeks since the presentation, and there had been nothing. The clients had not gotten back to them and Ben had not been by his cubicle since. To be so close, for two weeks of preparing the design, then three days of preparation on the presentation, reformatting some documents. To have Ben in his cubicle, right behind him, so close he merely needed to reach back and touch him. Did Ben know he really existed? Did Ben know he was a living human, with emotions, desires, and longings that he was too afraid to say aloud. Not once did he engage Ben in casual conversation and when they had lunch together, he made it a point to sit on the same side of the table, two seats over, keeping Rachel between him and Ben. Out of sight, out of mind, or so he told himself.

But it wasn’t right, this desire for another, and to keep it to oneself. Shouldn’t he at least try? What if he was wrong about Ben, that there might be a chance, however slim it seemed to be. What if Ben was bisexual? A guy who could accept someone of the same sex.

The days passed slowly at work, Andy finding himself distracted far too often, until he found himself working late for a couple of days to catch up. Friday finally arrived after those long days, and he turned in the drawings to the partner, and went back to his cubicle to file away the drawings; scanning sketches and notes to load up into the project folder. He finished at four thirty, just as others began to plan for drinks after work. He saw Ben, Li Xiu, Jason, and Rachel making plans by the copier and wondered if he would be invited to join them. He feared both; the invitation and the chance he would not be invited. He grabbed up his satchel and headed for the door.

“Hey Andy, we’re going for drinks after work. You want to meet us at Sir Edmund’s?” asked Li Xiu, catching Andy before he reached the door.

“I huh…have plans.”

“Oh, okay. Well, have fun.”

“Thanks. You have fun too,” Andy replied, and he pushed through the door wondering why he was being such a fool.

Old disco music played throughout the apartment as Tyler told stories of his younger days and the club scene of the 80’s and 90’s. The stories were outlandish, Andy wondering how much Tyler was embellishing. It was nearly midnight and Andy had grown lonely and bored, still kicking himself for not going out for drinks with everyone and found himself crossing the hall to Tyler’s apartment.

Tyler was somewhere between fifty and seventy, Andy never quite sure. A carefree person, content with his life. He rented for the lack of responsibility it gave him on maintaining a house or townhouse, had no pets so he could travel whenever he desired, and a partner who traveled a lot for his job, something Tyler would jokingly call a blessing, for it gave each some space. He said they would kill each otherwise, but Andy knew the lie of it. He had been around the two of them enough to know better. But he also knew Tyler was able to easily occupy himself, for novels were scattered around the apartment. Tyler had three or four going at any one time.

“…there were a few years I performed at Pieces. Oh, those were the days, let me tell you…”

“You performed?” asked Andy.

“Drag. I did drag for a few years. It was so much fun. To get into this other persona, this side of myself that could…express itself in a way that was liberating. And god, you could pick up the boys after a show,” Tyler replied, laughing at the memory of it all.

“Drag? Really?”

“Yep,” Tyler replied as he glanced over at his CD player as it began to play Bronski Beat. “So, tell me, why, on a Friday night, is your ass in my apartment instead of out having fun?”

“I...it’s just…” Andy stammered, and he saw the appraising look from Tyler, but also someone who would understand, and he began to tell Tyler everything.

* * *

Andy didn’t understand how he let himself get talked into doing it. It was absurd. It would never work, not in a million years. But he sat at the dining table in Tyler’s apartment watching him use one cosmetic after the next.

“I can’t do it. This is crazy,” Andy repeated once again, getting a scolding just by Tyler’s expression.

“It’ll work,” Tyler replied, leaning forward to apply lipstick.

A week ago, Andy confessed all to Tyler. Then they set up for the other half of the night scheming and plotting on ways for Andy to approach Ben. Now he sat in gym shorts having makeup applied to his face. On the table were two wigs, one red and one blonde. In the guest bedroom, laid out over the bed, a turtleneck sweater and jeans, with undergarments modified for the ruse. A bra already filled out and panties with a bit of padding to hide the masculine. On the floor, a set of low heels, Tyler knowing not to chance anything higher. Tyler was making Andy up, not as a performer, with exaggerated features and an outfit to push boundaries, but as a woman who was going out for a drink on a Friday night. Nothing special, just another night in the city.

An hour later, Andy stood in Tyler’s bathroom looking in the mirror, shocked at his own reflection. Tyler chose the blonde wig, something to make Andy appear even less like himself. And he had on a pair of trendy glasses, the lens mere flat glass, to further conceal Andy, letting Amanda come forward, the person who was stroll into the bar Ben always went on a Friday night. Amanda was to enter it, move through the crowd, and take up a place at the bar where Ben could see her.

Within the persona, Andy felt his heart racing with his fear and anxiety. Tyler came to the door, messed with the wig one last time, and whispered ‘perfect’ just loud enough for Andy to hear.

“Here, one last accessory,” said Tyler, holding out a simple necklace. “Nothing too ostentatious.”

“Tyler, I don’t think…”

“Andy, you can do this.”

“What if it doesn’t work? What if it does and he wants to take me home, and I…”

“Andy, calm down. You have a plan. You have to meet family early in the morning. You can’t stay out any longer. You might be interested in meeting later. You remember?”

“Yes…yes. I remember.”

“Now get out here and reel him in.”

The bar was busy, but not insanely so, and Andy eased into the nosy, dark interior. Music blared over the sound system and so many people were talking all at once it was a white noise. He still felt nervous but hearing a few compliments on his looks and the stares he received gave him confidence that his attire was at least working. Men ogled him and women stared with what he perceived as envy…or jealously. He took another deep breath and calmed himself, suddenly feeling the concealment of Andy, with the people around him only seeing Amanda. He moved through the crowd, until at the bar, finding one seat available at the corner. It was perfect, for across the bar on the back side stood a group of guys that included Ben. They were talking amongst themselves, occasionally pointing up at the television at a baseball game.  

“What’ll have?” asked the muscular bartender.

Andy saw the look, one of desire and he swallowed hard, making sure to get his voice right. Not too normal, not too high. Tyler told him to drink only club soda to keep his wits about him, but he needed one drink. Just one, to settle his nerves.

“Gin and tonic.”

Thirty minutes turned into an hour which turned into two hours. Andy had three drinks, nursing each one for as long as he could. During this time, he watched Ben. The gestures between friends, the looks toward women he found attractive, the casual lean against the bar. Andy noticed everything, including the brand of whiskey the bartender poured for him and how he swirled it around the glass before taking the first drink. And he noticed when Ben finally saw him sitting at the opposite corner of the bar.

He turned away, pretending not to have noticed the look his way.

He waited, wondering how long would be appropriate before looking over to see what Ben was doing. He glanced at his watch, seeing the slow movement of seconds ticking away. How long a second could become when one watched its passage. Then he felt it, someone disturbing the air next to him. Some shift in its currents, a change in the light.

“I’m Ben, what’s your name?”

Andy looked around to find Ben next to him. Far too close, for Ben had to see through the ruse, the cosmetics and attire, and see Andy within the façade that was Amanda.

“An…Amanda.”

“Amanda. I’ve not seen you before. Are you new to town?”

“Sort of. I moved across town.”

“Well, welcome to the more interesting side of town.”

Andy laughed, as he relaxed a little. He no longer felt tongue tied since Ben obviously saw the persona, he wanted to him to see.

“Thanks.”

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“A drink? No, I have had enough. I have to get up early to meet family.”

“Too bad, but I understand. Can’t show up hungover.”

“No, that would not be good.”

It was startling how quickly their conversation turned from flirting and ’get to know you’ comments to actually talking to each other. Those questions meant to draw out someone, reveal who they are, and Andy gave Ben what he was looking for, in the most asexual manner he could manage, defying his own sex, pretending to be the other. He considered the biological thin line between the sexes, how it was such a small thing for nature and evolution to have devised to flip the sex to male or to female, or to somewhere in between. Maybe it was the three drinks, or the atmosphere of the bar, but Andy/Amanda found it easy, so very easy to pull a persona that was feminine in nature, as perceived by the male hunter. The male on the prowl, with more than three drinks in them, and an atmosphere that strokes their libido.

“Hey, you want to come back to my place. I’ll wake you up in time…”

Andy was shocked, despite all his preparations. Ben came onto him so easily, without blinking an eye. He swallowed hard, trying to hide it, glad to have the turtleneck sweater on.

“No, really, I need to get home. There are some things I’ll need to do in the morning before heading out.”

“Oh…I see,” Ben replied, and the disappointment hung between them.

“I’m free next weekend,” Andy/Amanda replied, pushing the date back from tomorrow night to next week. He needed time to plan, to strategize, and build up his courage. Tomorrow would be too soon.

“Next weekend? Yeah, that would be good. Friday night? I could pick you up at seven. You know the full date routine. Diner, maybe a movie or a concert, or…then maybe a drink somewhere and…”

And?

What was unsaid made Andy aroused, his cock aching for room to stretch out. But it scared him too, and maybe his cock was responding to that as well.

“Sounds lovely.”

“What’s your address and number?”

For a moment Andy thought about lying, saw himself give Tyler’s address instead. He was still convinced there was some way Ben would know his address. Some document on his desk, or some list in HR laying out if he had been the office, or maybe a visit to his apartment complex to pick up someone else and saw him leave his apartment. There was all manner of ways Ben could know Andy’s address.

“4231 Chesterfield Lane, Apartment 24…my number is…” Andy replied, giving Ben his real address, then his telephone number, wondering if it would be the thing that gave him away.

“Got it, and Amanda, what was your last name? I don’t think you mentioned it.”

“Eriksson.”

“One ‘s’ or two?”

“Two.”

“Really? Someone at work has that same spelling.”

“It’s a pretty common name for someone of Swedish descent.”

“Must be…” Ben replied, fiddling with his phone to get Andy/Amanda’s information saved into his phone.

“I must be going,” said Andy, easing to his feet, hoping he didn’t stumble or fall.

“Let me walk you out.”

“No, that won’t be necessary. Go back to your friends. I’m just down the street less than a block away.”

“You sure?”

“Yes, yes. I’ll see you next Friday.”

For the next week, Andy fretted, worried to the point he struggled to eat and sleep. Every scenario of what could go wrong played out in his head night after night. He knew sooner or later, there would have to be a reveal. A confession of sorts. Oh Ben, I’m not a woman; I’m a man. Are you okay with that? In no scenario was Ben okay with it.

After work on Friday found him at Tyler’s dining table, sitting still for the application of cosmetics that were part of his transformation. He fidgeted restlessly, wondering how he was going to handle the night. Would he reveal himself, or find a way to put it off for at least one more day? Maybe he could delay until Saturday night, giving him at least one more day to enjoy the fantasy Ben would accept him.

The clothes laid out were to be a subliminal clue. A man’s banded collar shirt, one high enough to conceal his throat, and the prominent Adam’s apple, and a pair of slacks, slim cut to accentuate his long legs and shoes that looked almost like a man’s dress shoe. It was a blurring of the image of the feminine, leaning a bit toward the masculine. A hint of what lay within.

Ben

Negotiating the busy streets, Ben made his way across town, from his condo in downtown, out to the apartment complex in the Wilshire neighborhood. It was a diverse neighborhood, one in which he had patronized the restaurants and bars. He had reservations at Bletilla, a small café in the center of the business district and wondered if he could get Amanda to agree to go back to her place, or his, after dinner, or if he needed to plan on a walk across the street to The Mystic Hound. The bar was a series of small rooms, each dark woods and black slate flooring. Intimate and cozy, perfect for two people out on a date wanting to have a drink and talk quietly amongst themselves.  He was willing to go the distance with this one to get to know Amanda better. She intrigued him.

She seemed perfect. A presence he couldn’t put his finger on, but there was something about her that aroused his desires in a manner that felt different. The only thing he would change is her too perfect blonde hair for red. If only she was a red head, like Tracy. Like Andy.

It startled Ben to think of Andy, but it was the hair color. That dark tone of red he loved so much. If Andy were a woman, he’d…

The light changed and a horn blew behind Ben. He raised his hand in acknowledgment and sped through the intersection, heading to Amanda’s apartment for their date. He smiled when he thought of where the night could lead. He pictured his hand moving up her long legs, or down her back, or cupping a breast while he kissed her neck and whispered in her ear all the things he wanted to do.

Andy

There had been a pleasant night at the restaurant, sharing a bottle of wine and dinner. They had talked about their childhoods, Andy struggling to edit his in a manner that spoke to being a woman, instead of a man. After dinner, a short walk down the street, they had drinks at The Mystic Hound. It was so pleasant. This ability to relax, to talk about their lives and the things that gave them pleasure. The usual items, but there was one Ben mentioned that surprised Andy. ‘A warm body next to me in bed.’ No distinction of male or female, just a warm body, and it gave him hope. The alcohol gave him courage.

It was all a mistake.

They were at Ben’s place, stopped to let him change shirts. He had spilt wine on the front. Was it intentional, Andy wondered as he began to struggle with his desires, not wanting to stop what was happening, but knowing he should? Ben was on top of him, he pushed back against the arm of the sofa. A leg up between his own, a hand moved down his side, the other holding his neck, a finger pushing up on his chin, as Ben kissed him. He was half hard, and knew Ben was like rock, for he felt it press down on his thigh.

Andy ran his hands up the bare back, feeling the firm skin, lost to his own desires, as hands roamed over his body. He felt the one on his neck move down and fondle the fake breast. He felt the pressure of it against his nipple. This push down, and the flexing of the fake breast against his skin. The other hand moved down his side, along his hip, then thigh, then it moved back up, dragging his skirt upward. Tyler had gotten him to wear it with boots that came above his knees. Now the skirt slid upward, as the hand moved around his thigh, down between them as it continued to move upward. Andy didn’t react in time, couldn’t bring himself out of the fog of his lust and desires. Then it was too late.

“What the fuck!” Ben exclaimed, jumping up as if Andy had turned into some sort of venomous serpent.

Andy sat up quickly, catching his wig on the wood trim on front of the sofa arm. It pulled free, revealing his matted down red hair.

“Ben, I’m sorry. I can explain. Just give me a…”

“Andy? What the fuck! What are you trying to pull?”

“Ben, Ben, listen,” Andy exclaimed, trying to get up, but he tripped, landing on his knees between the sofa and coffee table. He knee-walked to Ben, Blouse wrinkled and twisted around his torso. “I can explain…”

“Explain? Explain what? What did you think was going to happen?”

“I thought we could get to know each other and…”

“Get out.”

“What?”

“Get the fuck out of my apartment,” Ben replied, panting for breath.

“Ben…please…I can…”

“NOW!”

Ben’s voice seemed so terribly loud. Too loud for the apartment. The word echoed around the room, shutting Andy down. He could no longer look at Ben, much less try to talk to him. He straightened his blouse while getting to his feet.

“Andy, just go,” Ben uttered in a hoarse breathless voice, then he left the room, going into his bedroom and closing the door. It was not slammed closed, instead it was pushed closed in the most gentle manner. Andy barely heard the door latch.

Andy called in sick on Monday, unable to face Ben. He lay around his apartment wondering what Tyler and he had been thinking. There was no way their plan was going to work. No way Ben would just accept his date, one he thought was a woman, when she sported a hard cock beneath the skirt. That night he sat on the sofa, a sad looking sandwich on a plate with a few chips. The bread wasn’t even straight and some of the lettuce fell out when he took the first bite. He stared at the television, comprehending nothing about the program. Time seemed to be moving more slowly, agonizingly slow, every minute a chance to reflect on what happened.

Tuesday morning, Andy dragged himself out of bed and got dressed. He was on a project with a different team, thus provide him an ability to avoid Ben. If he were lucky, he wouldn’t even cross paths with him; just an ability to see each other across the room.

Arriving early, Andy made his way to his cubicle, slipped on his headphones, and began to review emails, a few about the next phase of the project. He was to work on the elevations, the floor plans having been worked out enough to begin work. He felt relief at the task assigned and set himself to it.

For the next two weeks, Andy stayed focused on the project, coordinating with his small group. To his great relief, Ben was not a part of their group, assigned to another group working on an amphitheater for Parks and Recs. He avoided any contact with Ben, even avoiding eye contact, and Ben did nothing to confront him.

Ben

He had been so relieved that following Monday when Andy didn’t show up for work. Despite everything he had planned that weekend, confronting Andy, calling him out, humiliate him for dressing in women’s clothes to trick him, when Andy showed up on Tuesday, he didn’t have the heart to do it. It seemed futile, something that would accomplish nothing except to out Andy and make him look bitter and vindictive.

He wondered about the lengths Andy went to try to gain his affections. This want of another that seemed obsessive. He thought of Tracy and how he had tried to get her back after graduating high school. It verged on stalking. Was this love, or something else?  He wasn’t sure.

He watched Andy from across the room, sometimes finding himself staring to the point it embarrassed him. The red hair stood out in the open office. Among the browns, blacks, and blondes, it was like a flair, hovering in the air seeking attention. He thought of the green hairs, the smooth skin with a few freckles across the cheeks. He knew without seeing the shoulders would have them too.

But Andy was a man. A dick within the khakis, and therefore Ben couldn’t fathom ever accepting such an arrangement. It went against everything he believed about himself. After Andy returned to work, what he believed about himself became challenged each night, with dreams of him in bed with Andy, accepting of another man. He dreamed of fingers combing through red hair, over Andy’s head and down below, just above the dick. Of Andy beneath him, their bodies intertwined.  It rattled him, the way his mind accepted subconsciously what he kept refusing to do so consciously.

Three weeks after Andy’s return, that Friday, Andy showed up to work pale and looking sick. He could barely walk straight, but because his team had a deadline on their project that morning, he came into work despite being sick.

Ben watched Andy and his team pull together the documents for submission of their project to the building department. It was obvious, even across the room, Andy was ill.

Andy’s team got the project submitted, then made plans for a celebratory lunch at the Korean BBQ restaurant in Dilworth. When noon arrived, Ben watched the team head out, minus Andy. He strolled to the copier and glanced into Andy’s cubicle, seeing him head down, napping at his desk. He stood there, wondering if he should do something, for he could see how the edge of Andy’s hair was sweaty and he appeared to be shivering in his sleep.

“What’s going on, Mr. Adams?” asked Mr. Crawford, one of the partners, coming up behind Ben.

“Mr. Crawford…I was just…checking on Andy.”

“Mrs. Bradley said he was sick, so I’ve come to tell him to get home,” always referring to everyone by their last names.

“He’s asleep,” Ben replied, stepping back letting Mr. Crawford have access to the cubicle.

“What was the boy thinking, coming to work like this,” Mr. Crawford uttered. “Mr. Eriksson. Mr. Eriksson, wake up.”

Andy sat up, face pale and eyes looking heavy. “Sir…I’m sorry…I just…”

“Go home. You look rough. You shouldn’t have come in if you were this sick.”

“But we had the…”

“There were four others on your team, so it could have been handled without you,” Mr. Crawford replied, smiling at Andy in a fatherly manner. “Go home.”

“Yes, sir,” Andy replied, climbing to his feet. He stumbled, and fell back, lucky to have the chair behind him.

“You, okay?”

“I’m…just a bit dizzy, is all.”

Mr. Crawford turned to Ben. “Do you know where he lives?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Take him home, then go on home yourself.”

“But sir, I can get home on my own. I can call…”

“Mr. Adams will take you,” Mr. Crawford replied, then walked back toward his office, considering the matter closed.

“Let’s go,” Ben said, looking away, not wanting Andy to see his expression. He didn’t know which of his emotions would be visible. “I’ll grab my keys and satchel, and we can be on our way.”

Andy stumbled along behind Ben, down the corridor to the elevator, then through the parking deck to Ben’s car. They were quiet as Ben negotiated their way down the parking deck to street level. A blimp of the throttle, and Ben pulled out into traffic. He negotiated the familiar streets until on Fifth Street heading east. As they passed under the overpass for the inner loop around the city, Andy finally turned to Ben.

“I’m really sorry.”

“Just forget it.”

“I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“Forget it, okay?”

“Okay,” Andy replied, turning to watch the passing scenery.

Ben pulled into the parking area that sat underneath the apartment building and extended out across the back of the property. There was a space near the lobby where the elevators were located, and he pulled in. He sat still, motor idling, waiting on Andy to get out. Looking over, he saw Andy was sound asleep.

“Andy? Andy! Wake up. Time to get out; we’re at your apartment.”

Andy stirred, but did not wake. Ben shook him, called his name a couple times, then felt the forehead, feeling the fever that was burning up within him.

“Shit,” Ben uttered, shutting off his car. He climbed out and went to the passenger door. “Andy, come on, let’s get you up to your apartment, then you can sleep all weekend, if need be.”

Andy didn’t move, and Ben saw sweat trickle down his forehead. He undid the seatbelt and looked at the lean build and knew Andy wouldn’t weigh a lot. Slipping his hand in the front pocket, he was relieved to feel keys, taking them out. Then he slipped one hand under the legs behind the knees and the other around his back, then eased Andy out of the car. He was a limp rag, arms dangling down, but he leaned against Ben, head in the crook of the neck and shoulder. Ben felt the hot exhales, irregular in their rhythm.

“This is…” Ben uttered, unable to say what he was thinking, as he used Andy’s feet to close the car door. He carried him to the lobby, managed to press the button for the elevator without dropping him, then waited.

Ben was glad he had not passed anyone as he approached Andy’s door. He was almost to the apartment and would be able to put Andy inside and get home. Andy choked, then gagged.

“No, no, no,” Ben exclaimed as he sped up.

Andy gagged again, then threw up. It went on Ben’s chest then pooled in Andy’s lap. Ben felt the wetness seep to his skin, then go down until a trickle was going down one leg. The smell hit his nose and he gagged too.

“Fuck…fuck,” Ben uttered as he raced to the apartment door.

He fumbled with keys, having to stoop a bit to align it with the lock, managing to get the door open after a few attempts. He pushed the door open and carried Andy inside, rushing to the bathroom in case Andy threw up again.

As Ben eased Andy down on the toilet seat, he stirred awake.

“What..where…Ben?”

“You threw up and we need to get you cleaned up. Can you take a shower on your own?”

“Yes,” Andy replied in a hoarse strained voice. He looked at Ben’s clothes, then looked up at into his face. “Your clothes…did I do that?”

“Yes. I’ll clean up when I get home.”

“You can take a shower here. I’ll give you something to wear.”

“Really? Andy, what would you have that would fit me?”

Andy hung his head, then nodded to some question not asked.

“Get a shower and I’ll be going,” said Ben, backing to the door.

“Okay,” Andy replied, as he began to unbutton his shirt.

Ben went into the small hall between the bathroom and bedroom and stood at the door listening. He wondered if Andy could manage, for it was obvious he was still dizzy. The shower came on and a bit later, the shower curtain was pulled closed, the metal rings sliding along the metal rod. Satisfied Andy could manage he turned to leave, then he heard Andy cry out and the shower curtain sliding along the metal rod, then pulling away. He ran back into the bathroom. The shower curtain was pulled free for half its length and Andy was half in, half out of the tub.

“I’m sorry. I lost my balance and…” said Andy and he turned his head down and appeared to be crying.

Ben angled the shower head to the back wall, then helped Andy sit up.

“Lean back and give me a minute,” said Ben, trying not to look too closely at the naked body sprawled out in the tub.

Ben couldn’t leave Andy like this and he knew of only one thing to do. He began unbuttoning his shirt and saw Andy look away. He removed clothing until stripped, and he leaned into the tub and helped Andy to his feet, stepping in behind him.

“Let’s get you cleaned up and into bed. Then I’ll straighten up this mess and leave,” said Ben as he held out the soap to Andy.

A shaking hand took it and Andy rubbed it over his body, soaping up as best he could while Ben held him on his feet.

Ben watched, stunned at how it was so easy to look. He wanted to look, to see this lean body with its fair skin and red hair. He watched Andy soap up his chest, stomach, then groin area, then along each arm, up his neck, then face and hair, not caring about using the soap on it. When Andy tried to reach his back, Ben held out one hand.

“I’ll do it.”

It rattled Ben how it didn’t freak him out, his hand moving over the smooth back. The feel of it, the way it affected him. He struggled to control his breathing. Everything he understood about himself was being challenged. He was supposed to be repulsed by the notion of any intimacy with another man, but he wasn’t. What did they say about one’s attractions, their ability to love someone who challenged their expectations?

Andy stumbled, nearly falling over, and Ben realized how fatigued he had to be.

“Sit down and let me wash off,” said Ben.

Andy eased down with Ben’s help at the end of the tub. Ben stood straight and moved back under the shower and began to wash his own body. Andy was leaned back, looking ready to pass out, but the green eyes stayed on him. He saw them follow his hands, over his chest, stomach and down over his cock and balls. He felt his heart rate increase and he forced himself to breath normally. He felt on the verge of panic for he wasn’t disgusted by Andy’s stare, but feeling a bit aroused by it. Rushing to finish, Ben had to get out of the tub as quickly as possible, for every moment was a test. And he was failing.

Andy stumbled, nearly falling over, but eventually got a pair of boxers pulled up. Ben led him to his bed, towel still wrapped around his own waist. He was in a hurry now, desperate to get out of the apartment, but his clothes were in the washer, and he would have to wait for them to cycle through the wash, then the dryer before he could get dressed and leave.

Andy fell back on the bed and Ben pulled the covers up to his chest.

“Get some sleep and hopefully you’ll feel better tomorrow,” said Ben.

Andy seemed to settle down, doing one last shift on the pillow. Ben felt relieved, glad to have gotten him into bed finally, as he began to pull back. An arm shot out from underneath the cover and Ben felt a surprisingly tight grip on his wrist.

“Stay with me…please,” Andy whispered.

“I…I…”

“Just for a little while,” Andy pleaded without opening his eyes. “Don’t leave me alone.”

Ben remembered a story Andy had told on their date, about being an only child, both parents working. When he got sick, his mother or father would give him some medicine, tuck him in bed, then take off for work, leaving him alone. Andy had told the story as if it were some point of pride, an independence born of his parent’s leaving him alone when he was only ten or so. But Ben wondered about that independence now, feeling the tight hold on his wrist.

“Okay; just for a little while,” Ben replied telling himself it was like comforting a child. But Andy was no child, and as he moved around the bed and eased down on it next to him, he felt that difference in ways that sent a shiver down his spine.

As Ben settled down next to Andy, unsure what to do, the towel came loose, falling open. Andy turned and snuggled back against his chest and he felt it, the stirrings of arousal. He tried to pull away, but Andy kept the contact, bare back to bare chest, boxer covered ass against bare cock. The ass pushed back once, and the pressure made Ben shudder with his conflicted desires.

Please stop, Ben thought as he tried to lay still. Andy settled down and soon his breathing fell into a rhythm of deep sleep.

Ben wondered what was happening to him. How could he feel such an attraction to another guy? But Andy had physical attributes that would always capture his eye, and despite being a man, the warmth of their contact aroused him. He had to admit it, this ability to feel something for the same sex. Another man, one lying against him, stirring his desires. He felt flush, hot, the way he felt when with a woman the first time. That first unveiling of their bodies to each other with expectations of pleasure to follow.

It scared him, to discover he was not the person he always believed himself to be.

The dryer buzzed, and Ben eased off the bed. He tossed the towel on top of the washer, and pulled his clothes from the dryer, getting dressed as he did. One last look to check on Andy, and he eased out.

Saturday morning arrived with all the heat and humidity of summer. Ben rolled out of bed, feeling tired, as if he hadn’t slept. He pulled on running shorts and a tank top and headed out for a run. Normally he did about five miles, but his mind was reeling, and he kept running as he tried to process what he was feeling. He ran through Myers Park and Eastover, with lungs working hard to draw in enough oxygen, while his main focus was not on the passing scenery, but on his sense of himself, the masculine nature of his identity.

Back in his apartment, he showered and slipped on boxers, then prepared a late breakfast. He sat on the balcony not caring who could see him not dressed, while a few residents took up lounge chairs around the pool below. He ate slowly, while looking at his phone over and over, seeing if Andy had contacted him. He wanted to know if he was okay, had he slept okay, or was he still in bed feeling as sick as the day before.

Breakfast dishes and pan washed, he went to his bedroom, slipped off the boxers and lay back on the bed. He felt frustrated and horny and in desperate need of relief. He took his expanding cock in hand and manipulated it, toyed with the head, then slowly stroked it to full hardness. Then he let his frustrations and arousal overtake him as he stroked it hard and fast. He wanted to get off. He wanted to feel that moment of release. And most of all, he wanted to get there without the images fully forming of what was arousing him. He tried, beating his fist down his cock until it smacked against his abdomen while keeping his eyes open, staring at the ceiling, for to close them was to invite the images to appear in vivid color. But he saw emerald green, and red, the latter a flame of hot color, and his cock flexed hard in his hand. It seemed to take far too long, but it was only a few minutes, and he was covered in cum.

Andy

Standing at the range, Andy stared at the circles in the glass top, trying to picture something on one, the circle glowing red beneath it. He tried to imagine something appetizing, some food that appealed to him, but he felt nauseous despite the hunger pains beneath it. He glanced at his watch and saw it was nearing one, the start of the afternoon. He had slept until nearly noon, then lay in bed staring at the ceiling for another thirty minutes. After a quick shower, he now stood at the range in his robe, feeling useless.

Two soft knocks. Then two more, slightly louder.

Andy went to the door and looked through the peephole. He was surprised to see Ben standing there, especially after everything that happened. He remembered parts of the day before, and some of the images he chalked up to some fantasy on his part, but there was some that seemed so real, and he wondered. He swung the door open slowly and stood in the gap.

“Ben?”

“I was just wondering…are you okay? You were really out of it yesterday and…so sick.”

“I feel better today.”

“Good,” Ben replied, then he held up a plastic bag with a something inside it. “I brought some soup from the deli down the street.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“Do you feel like eating?”

“I’ve been trying to figure out what to eat.”

“Maybe this will be appetizing.”

“Come on in,” Andy replied, taking the bag, and heading toward the kitchen. He felt Ben behind him, surprised he didn’t beg off and leave. “It’s still warm.”

“I just got it.”

“Perfect; I don’t have to heat it up.”

Andy brought out the container, pulled down a bowl, took out a spoon, and filled the bowl.  He circled the kitchen counter to sit at the small dining table and saw Ben staring at him.

“What is it?”

“Your robe is open,” Ben muttered.

Andy looked down to see it had come untied and hung open revealing a six-inch wide strip down the middle of his body: chest, stomach, and flaccid cock.

“Oh,” Andy exclaimed, sitting the bowl down, then tying the robe.

“I need to go,” said Ben, moving toward the door.

“Why don’t you sit for a minute?”

“I have to go,” Ben replied, and he was out the door before Andy could say anything else.

He ate slowly, picturing the look on Ben’s face. Was it disgust, or something else? Shock, maybe? Then he tried to remember the events of the day before, what was real and what had to be some dream. He remembered being carried, then in the shower. He thought he remembered seeing Ben in the shower with him. Things were confused after that, but he swore Ben had been on the bed next to him. But it couldn’t be. Ben hated him, after all, despite the checking on him and bringing the soup.

Andy called in sick on Monday, still feeling weak and unwell. He had eaten very little since Saturday, mainly the soup Ben had brought over and some crackers he got at the market across the street. Nothing sounded good to him, and he napped off and on all day Monday until he finally woke feeling like he had finally beat it, whatever bug it was he had suffered. That night he walked down to the diner a couple of blocks away.

He ordered a simple meal, but one that satisfied him greatly. That night he slept comfortably, and awoke the next morning ready to go to work.

He was in his cubicle when Ben came walking through heading to his own. There was eye contact, a fleeting moment when they looked at the same time at each other. Andy wondered how freaked out Ben was about having to take him home last Friday, getting puked on, then having to help him get in bed. So much of it was a blur, he was still unsure what was real and what was a dream. But by Ben’s expression, he wondered if more was real than he knew.

After a few awkward moments at the copier, the breakroom, once coming from the toilet, then heading to lunch only to arrive at the elevator at the same exact moment, the afternoon finally settled down to where Andy no longer felt like he was walking on pins and needles, and Ben seemed to relax around him instead of looking ready to bolt at the slightest gesture he may make toward him.

The next day, and the remainder of the week passed without incident. Ben worked within his group and Andy within his, each focusing on the project before them. The two groups crossed paths coming from a working lunch or from the brainstorming room, with its mixed media displays and interactive flat screens. By the time Friday arrived, Andy assumed Ben had forgotten all about the previous Friday, and the chore of taking him home. Ben was straight, always flirting with women, and the notion he could be anything other than that seemed preposterous. But there had been a few times he saw Ben looking his way with an expression he didn’t dare consider. It was too tempting to give himself such hope.

Friday night, Andy met Tyler and some of their friends at The Wishing Well, a dive bar out on Wilkinson Boulevard located behind a warehouse that was currently a used office furniture outlet. The bar sat in what was once an office building positioned to the side of the property, overlooking the warehouses. The back two were abandoned, windows and doors knocked out, the roof collapsed on one. The front four were occupied, keeping the parking lot somewhat clear of weeds and debris. At night, it was the sole domain of The Wishing Well, a place out of sight from the road and those that traveled it.

The guys stayed till closing, sharing tall tales of past boyfriends and one-night stands. They had laughed and pretended shock at one story after the next. Andy had sat to the side and listened, for he had never had a serious boyfriend, and his hookups were nothing worthy of the night’s telling.

“Let’s go to Athens,” Tyler suggested when they finally found themselves in the parking lot heading home.

Athens was an all-night Greek diner, one that would be full, on Saturday morning or Sunday morning during the early A.M. hours. One look at any table, and one could decipher which club or bar the group had come from that night.

“Oh, I’ve not gone there in ages,” replied Sean, one of Tyler’s best friends. Soon all were in agreement, except Andy who stood to the side, just as he had done inside.

Tyler looked his way, frowned, then gave him a questioning stare.

“Andy?”

“Yes, I’ll meet you there,” Andy replied, smiling at the way Tyler made sure he was included.

It was 4:40 A.M. when Andy pulled into his apartment complex. There was no one else out, nor any traffic. Not even Tyler was around, having gone home with one of the guys. He eased into a parking space, then strolled to the lobby door, finding himself whistling some song that one of the guys had played over and over on the jukebox. The bell sounded far too loud in the silence, then the door slid open, and he stepped into the elevator. Within seconds the bell sounded, and the door slid open again and he moved into the corridor heading to his apartment, and to his bed for some much-needed sleep. He stifled the urge to continue whistling as he looked at his key ring to sort out the apartment key, and when he looked up, he froze.

Sitting on the floor by his door was Ben, knees up with arms resting on top and head down. He looked asleep, and Andy eased closer, unsure what to do. He stood next to him, wondering if he should call his name or shake him a little to wake him, when Ben slowly raised his head. Bleary eyed with an expression that looked a mix of exhaustion and fear, Ben looked up and grinned.

“It must have been a fun night,” said Ben.

“Yes, I huh…Ben, what are you doing here?”

“I was waiting on you. Can we talk?”

“Yeah, sure,” Andy replied, sounding pleasant, despite feeling anxious and worried what Ben had come to say.  

Ben staggered to the sofa while Andy went into the kitchen. He looked at the back of Ben’s head, saw how it was so still, Ben just staring at the black television screen.

“You want something to drink? I’ve got…”

“Water would be good.”

“Okay,” Andy replied, taking down two glasses, and filling them from a pitcher in the refrigerator. He carried one glass to Ben while taking a quick sip from the other. “Here,” he said, holding out the glass.

“Thanks.”

Andy moved to the armchair and sipped the water tentatively, as he watched Ben take a drink, then another. The room was too quiet, and Ben seemed unable to tell him why he was there.

“What did you want to talk about?” asked Andy.

Ben lowered his head, then sat the glass down on the coffee table. He stared at the floor, not moving.

“Look, I’m really sorry about what I did to you,” said Andy, unable to let the silence continue. “I promise not to…”

“Andy,” Ben interrupted. His voice was low, calm, and Andy fell silent. Ben looked up and smiled, one that looked tired and beaten. “I don’t know why, but I can’t stop thinking about it…about you.”

Andy leaned back, stunned at the admission, but he remained silent, not sure where Ben was heading.

Ben finally continued. “I had this image of what my life was going to be like. You know, play the bachelor for several years, then meet a nice girl, settle down and live a…normal life.” Ben scoffed, then looked at Andy again. “I don’t consider myself gay. I don’t look at other guys and feel some desire toward them. But you…you remind me of her in so many ways. I find myself thinking of you, not in some costume of women’s clothes to make you look like a woman, but as you, this guy. It scares me to do so.”

“Did you know sexuality is not one extreme or the other? Either straight or gay?”

“You mean bisexual. I know, but I don’t…well, maybe you’re right.”

“But I’m not someone you want, not really. Is that it?”

“If you asked me that week after, the answer would have been yes.”

“But now?”

“I don’t know. I’m beginning to image it and can’t stop myself.”

“Imagine what?”

“You and I…together.”

It was rattling Andy, to hear this confession from someone he still felt afraid. And what was Ben getting at in telling him? He wasn’t sure what to say.

“I can see if the firm will transfer me to another section, one on the floor below, where you won’t have to see me.”

“NO!” Ben replied. He was staring at Andy with a worried look. “No, don’t do that.”

“Then what do you want?”

Ben stood, walked to the sliding doors that led to the balcony, pulling the blinds to one side. He stared out into the dark early morning sky. Without turning, he began to talk in a low voice.

“I want to try it. I want to see what it’s like and if I can do it. See if I can go out with you…on a date.”

Andy leaned forward, fighting the urge to ask if he was serious.

Ben looked around appearing calm and collect for the first time that night.

“I want us to go out and see how it goes. Do you still want to go out with me?”

“Yes,” Andy whispered, unable to find his full voice.

“What about tonight? We can go to that Thai place in Windsor Park.”

“Tonight works.”

“Okay,” Ben replied, then turned to the window. “I don’t know if I can do this, but I want to try.”

“I won’t push you; I promise.”

Ben turned and moved to the end of the coffee table opposite Andy, with hands buried into his pockets.

“Thanks. I should go so we can both get some sleep. I’ll come and pick you up at seven if that works.”

“Yeah…seven…that works,” Andy stammered.

“I’ll see myself out,” said Ben, and Andy watched him go out, easing the door closed behind him.

At first, they had been awkward around each other. The wait at the bar, then seated at a small two-top in the patio area, the trees rustling in the gentle breeze of the evening. All the other tables had been occupied and it had filled the space with a low chatter of conversations. After three drinks and their food finally set before them, they finally relaxed. Ben made a joke; one Andy couldn’t help but laugh aloud at its bawdy nature. Then they fell into casual conversation, talking of the firm, the projects they were working on, then about their lives, Andy filling in aspects avoided before.

Andy had grown embolden after dinner, and instead of suggesting a bar, he suggested they go back to his place for a nightcap. Ben agreed.

On the sofa, sitting just inches apart, they nursed the drinks Ben had mixed and pretended to watch the movie on the television.

“How do you feel about the date…so far?” asked Andy, keeping his eyes on the movie.

“I’m enjoying myself.”

“You think you’ll want to go out again?”

Ben shifted next to him, and he sensed the space between them close.

“Maybe, but first I want to try something else,” Ben whispered.

Andy turned to see Ben leaning toward him. When only inches apart, he closed his eyes. Soon lips touched his on. He expected the contact to break the spell Ben was under. That he would wake up and realize he was straight, and this was not what he wanted. Andy just knew it couldn’t continue to go on. But the lips pressed tighter, and a hand touched his side, then moved upward over his chest until the long fingers were holding his chin. He parted his lips to the kiss and felt Ben do the same. They kissed with greater intensity, until hands were moving over bodies, undoing buttons, tugging on belts, until hands could move beneath shirts and down into pants. Andy touched Ben’s cock, felt the thickening shaft and almost at the same time, Ben’s fingers touched his own.

Ben

Ben slipped his arms under Andy and once again carried him. But this time was different. He felt it. The germination of desire. Somewhere in the center of his being, it sprouted and took root. Had done so weeks ago; he had not realized what it was. Now he knew, as his desires bloomed fully. The sexual nature of them. A want, a lust for another.

He carried Andy to the bedroom, who clung to him, with arms around his neck, not saying a word. He eased him down on the bed and hesitated in standing up, hovering over the prone body.

“Ben?”

“Yes,” Ben replied, and he leaned up, reaching for the remaining buttons of Andy’s shirt. He slipped each one free, until the shirt lay open. He ran a hand down the bare chest, feeling the heat of the body, the smoothness of the skin and as his hand went over the stomach, the undulation of Andy’s heavy breathing.

He slipped his fingers down to the zipper past the undone button of the jeans. A slow drag down and the jeans parted to reveal the white boxer briefs, bulging with an erection. The temptation was too great, Ben became impatient, and he took the jeans and briefs by the waist and tugged them down. The body came into view, the lean body, with its fair skin and the thick fan of flaming red pubic hair. He worked the jeans and briefs off each leg, then ran his hands up the legs, upward, slowly, just barely grazing the skin. Andy shivered at his manipulation.

Ben hesitated, his hand only inches from the hard cock, the loose sac, and that red pubic hair. It spoke of Andy’s masculine nature. The physical nature of man. Ben still believed he would be repulsed by it when the time came, but he only felt a desire to touch it, to feel Andy within his hand. Feel the hardening of the cock, revealing how he played a role in Andy’s arousal. He pushed his hand along the abdomen, fingers combing through the pubic hair, then he flipped it around and let the growing cock lay heavily in it. Andy gasped at the touch and it made him smile.

Ben stroked the cock, feeling it harden while watching it elongate until his hand couldn’t concealed even half of it. Andy’s hips began to move, a little push upward, forcing the cock through his fist just a bit further.

“You like me touching you?” Ben asked.

“Yes,” Andy replied, breathless.

“I want to fuck you.”

“Yes…please…fuck me.”

Ben felt his own cock still trapped in his boxers, pushing outward where his jeans were spread open. He stood up straight, pulled his shirt over his head, enough buttons undone to make it easy, then he worked his jeans and boxers off. There was no slow stripping of them, instead he worked frantically to get naked. He was nearly crazed with his desires. Once he freed his last foot from them, he stood and stroked his own cock, feeling the familiar thick curved shaft and flared head. Andy watched, eyes almost unblinking as he stroked his cock until it was wet with precum.

“Ben, do it. Fuck me,” Andy uttered.

Ben reached down, slipping a hand behind each knee, lifting them then pushing back. He folded Andy over until his ass spread wide and lifted into the perfect position. Ben rubbed his wet cock up and down it. He rubbed the leaking head over the tight opening, wondering how it could take him. He knew the fact of it, the ability of a man to take another, but looking at the tightly closed opening, he couldn’t help to wonder at it.

Andy’s fingers dug into Ben’s thighs, urgent, pleading in nature, and he looked up at the pleading green eyes.

“Do it…fuck me,” Andy whispered.

Ben pushed, then pushed harder, and he felt the tight squeeze on the head of his cock, and it stretched Andy open and bore into his hole. He pushed slowly, but determinedly, sinking inch after inch into him, until only a couple of inches were visible.

He leaned over Andy, holding the legs behind the knees as he buried each into the mattress beside the torso. A swing of his hips, and he tugged a few inches outward, feeling the tightness of the opening around his cock. A tightness never felt before, the way it milked his cock, increasing his arousal.

“Jesus,” Ben uttered, as he drove back into Andy, pushing in all the way.

Ben couldn’t stop. He tugged outward and drove back in, over and over. His pace increased until his hips smacked against the upturned ass and Andy was begging him to fuck harder. He thrust inward again and jammed his abdomen against Andy’s ass as if he could force his entire body into him.

Hands held Ben by the waist as he began to fuck, to drive his cock into Andy’s depths with unbridled lust. The bed began to squeak, then rock in rhythm with their fuck. Ben never felt such pleasure. The tightness around his cock as he piston it in Andy’s depths. He increased his pace until the sound of their bodies smacking together echoed in the room.

Andy took every thrust and begged for more. Ben couldn’t believe sex could be so physical. He began to sweat with his exertions, and finally slowed, pushing inward so slow he felt every inch squeeze into Andy’s hole.  Then he pulled out, spun Andy around straight on the bed and onto his stomach. Ben climbed over him, plunged back into his depths, and bear hugged their bodies together as he worked his hips. A pull outward, then a push inward, hips grinding on ass, as he made Andy take every inch.

Ben laid heavily on Andy, let him feel the full weight of his body. He undulated in that most primitive of ways, the movement that thrust cock into the depths of the other. And Andy took each one, moaning and trying to push upward.

An arm around the neck, a kiss against it, then a slight tug on an earlobe, Ben touched Andy in every conceivable manner. He pushed cock into Andy’s depths while running his nose up the back of Andy’s head. The fresh scent of the shampoo Andy used, mixed with the scent of his body while it overheated, filled Ben’s nostrils. He inhaled it and pumped his hips madly, with wild abandon. He cried out, grabbed Andy by the hair, tugging his head back, then shuddered with release.

“Take it…take me….” Ben uttered.

Then Ben fell still on top of Andy.

Andy

Ben rolled off Andy, laying on his back next to him. Andy looked over at the muscular body. The pecs and biceps and the stomach tapering down to the groin. There was the half-hard cock and the long legs. He reached out, hand shaking, and touched the chest, moving his finger over the smooth skin until he was tracing the circle of nipple closest to him.

Ben giggled then leaned his head up. “That tickles.”

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be.”

Andy reached over again and rubbed the hard nub in the center of the nipple while Ben watched. He felt his own erection pinned beneath him, and he pushed down feeling his cock flex. He wanted release, and touching Ben made it worse. He rolled over and lay next to Ben, wanting him to see his cock. He wanted Ben to know how he made him feel. He took his cock in hand and began to stroke it. Glancing over, he saw Ben watching.

Andy stroked until the sound changed from a dry hand to one wet with precum. He was beginning to push upward at the hips, feeling so aroused with Ben watching. He increased his pace, feeling his arousal grow.

“What are you doing?” Ben asked.

“I’m getting off,” Andy uttered.

“Stop. Hold up.”

“Huh?”

“Just hold up a minute,” said Ben, reaching over and touching Andy’s hand, getting him to stop.

Andy wondered what Ben was up to; why he didn’t want him to get off. He knew a horny guy made for a better fuck and wondered if Ben was thinking the same. Did Ben want to do it again? He hoped so, for he would do it with him as often as he wanted. He looked over and saw Ben was erect again, cock hovering over the abdomen, flexing up and down.

Ben began to move, and Andy was going to spread his legs, bring his knees up to open himself up to him. But Ben moved around until facing Andy’s cock. A hand came out, took the cock holding it up. Ben moved closer and Andy watched wide-eyed, surprised Ben would be willing to go further. Lips touched the head of his leaking cock and he watched Ben lick them clean.

Andy wondered how far Ben was willing to go and watched surprised as Ben leaned over and took his cock. He felt it slide through the lips and sink into the warm wet mouth. The lips moved down three quarters of the length, then back up the shaft until the head rested just inside Ben’s mouth. There was the swipe of tongue over it, and Andy trembled. He grabbed at the bed covers, fist tight, as Ben began to move up and down, a rhythm that built up Andy’s aroused state until he couldn’t hold back. He shuddered while pushing upward, gagging Ben, then filling his mouth with cum.

Andy fell still and shivered with the final manipulation of Ben squeezing out the last of his load and licking it off. Ben began to move, shift around between his legs. Soon, each leg lay on a shoulder as Ben moved over him.

“I want to fuck you again,” Ben whispered, and Andy leaned up and watched the thick hard cock touch his wet hole, then stretch it open again. He fell back, closed his eyes, as he felt his hole stretch open, then the fullness of penetration as Ben sank into his depths.

It wasn’t like their first fuck. One that was physical, frantic in need. This time it was slow, bodies moving together as one. Undulating. Skin rubbing against skin. Hot exhales on necks. Lips touching necks, ears, and the other’s lips. Soft whispers of crude urgings, with desperate pleas for the other. A connection between two humans seeking pleasure with another. A fuck.

Andy was panting for breath as his legs pressed against his chest and Ben’s cock bore into his depths. Over and over, penetrating him all the way.

“Ben…fuck me…harder,” Andy begged, feeling his own erection pinned between them. Ben’s stomach rubbed it until he was aching for release. Ben rose on his hands and began to fuck faster, harder, hips smacking against ass, and Andy took every thrust, pleading for the next. Ben shifted positions, drove into his depths so roughly he saw stars. Then he came again, cum spraying his chest, then stomach as Ben’s cock piston inside his hole.

“Fuck…what are you doing to me?” Ben exclaimed, then shoved into Andy depths all the way and shuddered with release.

They showered together, running soapy hands over the other’s body. An exploration of the other’s physical nature. Ben kissed Andy freely, and Andy toyed with his cock until he begged him to stop, calling him a devil.

Andy wanted Ben to stay the night. He wanted the feel of their bodies against each other while he slept, but Ben dressed and headed toward the door.

“I should go.”

“You’re not…” Andy began to ask, then stopped, unable to do so.

Ben smiled back, reached over, and cupped the back of his neck, pulling him forward and kissed him.

“I’ll call this afternoon. We can make plans for dinner, one night next week.”

Weeks turned into months, and Andy’s fairy tale about Ben unfolded before his eyes. For the first three months he kept Ben’s confidence, their dating a secret. But one night, while out for dinner, some co-workers came up to their table, surprised to see the two of them together. Andy began to tell a lie about it, but Ben interrupted and for the first time publicly admitted they were dating. The dominoes fell in quick session after that night. The entire firm knew by the end of the next day, and within two more weeks there was the reveal to Ben’s family and friends, Andy never feeling more scared. There had been pushback, denials, then pleadings with Ben to explain himself. For Andy, his parents accepted it as one more aspect of their gay son’s life. Tyler and the other guys gave them support and over time Ben’s family grudgingly accepted his choice of companion.

Two apartments became one house, a 1961 ranch in the Chesterfield neighborhood, and soon there was not two sharing it but four: Ben, Andy, Molly, and Jasper. The latter two redbone hounds rescued from Avery County. The house became a hive of activity. Dinner nights inviting family or friends, patio parties with dogs chasing each other around the yard, or celebrations for one milestone or another.

It was Spring, when Ben invited their closest friends over for lunch under the arbor, the vine starting to grow across the top. The grills were fired up and their bar cart rolled out. When the day began to fade, and the string lights became brighter as the sky darkened, they had dinner and one more round of drinks. Ben stood and went the edge of the patio where azaleas were in full bloom as if to look for something. He looked back with a questioning stare.

“Andy, can you come here a minute?”

Andy looked around, wondering what Ben could possibly need help with at the azaleas. He climbed to his feet, not noticing everyone else had fallen silent as they watched him approach Ben.

“Yeah, what is it?” Andy asked as he came beside Ben.

Ben turned and went to one knee, holding up a box. He opened it and Andy stared at the ring inside. A silver band with inlay diamonds.

“Will you marry me?”

Andy was shocked and stood dumbfounded for too long. Ben began to wonder if he would say no, but he regained his composure as best he could, feeling his heart racing in his chest.

“Ben…I…” Andy stammered as tears filled his eyes, then he nodded his head, “yes, of course.”

The house sat on the side of Butler Mountain with a view to the south. In the distance, Mount Mitchell towering over lesser mountains. Most of the family and friends were staying in Asheville, Beech Mountain or Blowing Rock, but for the few that were part of the wedding ceremony, their closest friends, they were holed up in the house with Andy and Ben. There was a festive atmosphere with final decorations being made. The flower rings for napkins, table arrangements, photographs for the gift table, and outside in the drive, Ben and Andy painting two high back wood chairs and a round side table solid white. In the kitchen were two friends who had their own restaurants, preparing the night’s dinner and final preparations for the dinner after the wedding the next day.

The sun broke over the horizon and soon the mountain house was a hive of activity. Final preparations for dinner, the decorations put in place, and at the area where everyone was to sign in, the two chairs and side table were set up with a vase of spring flowers.

For Andy and Ben, the day seemed to drag. The minutes passing so slow. Neither could eat breakfast, and only nibbled at their lunch. Tyler helped Andy get dressed and Lisa, one of Ben’s oldest friends and biggest supporter of the marriage, helped him. The guest began to arrive, the violinist and harpist began to play. The soft sound of the vibrating strings seemed to fill the air. It calmed the guests, quieting conversations, and set the tone for the wedding.

Then the ceremony began, Andy and Ben at the end of the deck, the valley in the background. Vows spoken, rings exchanged, there was the kiss and applause from the guest. Photographs were taken, champagne passed around and the house and deck transitioned from the solemn nature of the wedding to the festive atmosphere of the party afterward. Night settled over the mountain which increased the revelry of the party.

It was nearly ten when Andy and Ben said their goodbyes, then left for their honeymoon’s first night back in Asheville, where a room at the Grove Park Inn awaited them. Their core group of friends would stay in the mountain house for the night, with plans for the newlyweds to return for a late lunch, then take over the house for the remainder of the week.

Andy glanced back once as Ben drove down the steep drive, looking at their friends as they waved one last time.

“Did you know mom talked with your mother before the service?” asked Andy.

“I saw them.”

“Everything still okay?”

“Yes. They hugged before they parted, so all is good.”

“That’s a relief. I was so afraid…”

“Andy, everything is fine. Stop fretting.”

“Sorry,” Andy replied, sounding chastised.

Ben laughed, shaking his head, then glanced over at Andy, “Don’t be. I know you worry my folks may freak out again, but it’s been months since I had another talk with them, and I think they’re good now.”

Andy smiled, then looked out over the valley to his right. The night sky brilliant with stars and the valley appearing to have its own stars, small pinpoints of light scattered along its length. “Let’s get to the inn.”

“Wait,” Ben exclaimed as Andy unlocked the door.

“What is it?” Andy asked.

“It’s just…this,” Ben replied, scooping Andy up in his arms, pushing the door with Andy’s feet, and carrying him into the room.

Ben laid Andy on the bed and moved over him. There were kisses to the neck, along the side of the face and finally, lip to lip. The ceremony gave them a renewed passion, a lust for the other and Ben frantically undid the buttons on Andy’s shirt, then spread it open. He moved down the smooth chest, over the undulating stomach and kissed along the waistband of the pants.

Andy shivered at the feel of the lips, then the tongue that dragged along the top of his pants. With eyes closed, he was focused on the sense of touch. The tug at the button, then the tug on the zipper. He raised his hips, letting Ben pull the pants and boxers down his legs. The cool air of the room brushed over his bare skin and he felt his cock flex with arousal. Lips touched his legs and the bed moved with Ben crawling over him. Up along one leg, then the other, the lips touched his legs until they were touching the skin near his cock. Finally, after what seemed such a long time, the lips moved up along his erection, closed over the head and took him all the way. He flexed in the wet mouth as the lips moved up and down.

Reaching up, Andy held Ben by the head, the short hair ticklish to the palms of each hand. He pulled Ben off his cock while gasping for breath.

“Ben…please…”

Andy guided Ben to move up over him as he spread his legs, opening himself up for Ben’s cock. He wanted it. He wanted to feel the familiar cock stretch him open and sink into his depths. He wrapped his legs around Ben’s waist and reached between them, taking the hard cock in hand.

“Put it in me,” Andy whispered as he guided Ben to his hole.

Head thrown back, eyes closed, Andy shivered as Ben stretched him open and sank into his depths. Then he felt the weight of him, the heat of the body as it undulated on top of him. He felt the movement within his body and clung to Ben, taking every push inward.

Ben slow fucked him. An unhurried, gentle pace that seemed to last for a long time. When Ben rose over him and slipped free, Andy opened his eyes to see the relaxed expression looking back.

“Roll over,” Ben whispered.

Andy rolled to his stomach and felt Ben rake along his ass then push back into his hole. Slow, gentle, the penetrating push all the way in. Ben lay on him, arm around his neck and began to fuck.

Ben’s pace slowly increased, until the bed began to rock in rhythm with their fuck. Ben got up on his hands and increased his pace until hips smacked against ass, then he cried out while jamming cock into Andy’s depths. Andy felt him shudder against his ass and knew Ben was coming.

Ben lay on him exhausted, but still playful.

“Let’s shower.”

The small bathroom steamed up quickly as Andy leaned against the tile wall feeling Ben suck his cock. Hands held his hips while the mouth manipulated him. He was too aroused by their previous sex, and by Ben ministrations in the shower, and he dug his fingers into each of Ben’s shoulders.

“I’m going to…”

Andy gasped for breath, unable to finish, as he pumped cum into the suctioning mouth.

After the shower, they lounged on the bed, napping, then having sex again. They exhausted themselves until finally snuggling together and drifting off into a sound sleep. It was late the next morning before they stirred. A cup of coffee and dressed casually in jeans and t-shirts, they headed back to the mountain house. A lunch on the deck, they sat among their friends, laughing, and joking around. It would be mid-afternoon before everyone finally left, leaving the mountain to Andy and Ben for the remainder of the week.

That evening, the sun below the horizon and the sky quickly darkening to a deep violet, soon to be black, they sat on the bench at the outer edge of the deck overlooking the valley. Half-finished drinks in one hand, they held hands with the other.

“It still seems unreal,” Ben whispered.

“What feels unreal?”

“Being married, content with a life I never imagined for myself…a life with you.”

“You have any regrets?”

“Just a regret I pushed you away at first.”

Andy chuckled, then squeezed Ben’s hand.

“It was a weird time. I really thought…”

“What did you think?”

“I had messed up everything.”

“Instead, you’re stuck with me,” Ben replied, smiling so broadly Andy could see the white of teeth.

“So, what’s next for us?” Andy asked.

“A summer in Italy…and our own firm,” Ben replied.

“Our own firm? Sounds nice.”

Ben leaned over and kissed Andy.

“Let’s go in,” Ben whispered.

Andy giggled, then stood, pulling Ben to stand too. He led him into the house, up the stair and into the bedroom. They didn’t bother with closing the door, nor taking care where clothes landed, most on the floor. Soon the sounds of their sex echoed throughout the house, as it would for the remainder of the week.