Public Exposure: Pants Are So Overrated

There are lots of overrated things in this world, like This Is Us, Star Wars, poutine, and Taylor Swift. Okay, that's subjective, but what's not subjective in the slightest is that pants are overrated.

And don't tell me pants are needed to hold keys and wallets. Nope, that's what a shirt pocket, personal assistant, purse, or purse-carrying personal assistant are for. When lovely nudity is involved, a complementary personal assistant is sure to follow.

Though if they go the pantless route too, they'll need a personal assistant too. So we may end up with an infinite line of pantless men. I'm not hearing any complaints, except maybe from laundry detergent companies. But the inventors of those super dangerous laundry pods really have no moral authority here. So, pants off.

As shown here, pantless works during what seems to be Australian Rules football practice. And during street fairs, hanging out at a beach resort, or rowing on a lake.

Pantless is also the recommended way to go when masturbating at night at a bus stop. Because why masturbate at night at a bus stop while wearing pants? That would be completely inappropriate. I know because there was a Dear Abby advice column about that once.

The only judgment I'll apply here is that (unless it's dark out) folks should remember to use a mineral sunscreen free of harmful chemicals. That way, they'll be exposing themselves safely for years to come. Minus any law enforcement citations.

That leaves the major decision of what footwear (if any) goes with exposed cock. I say sneakers or knee-high rubber rain boots. The former for ease of quick escape if necessary, the latter for vaudevillian comedic effect.

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