Public Exposure: Naked Conspiracy Theory

With rare exception over the course of many years, I have never seen anything like this degree of naked men in public. I haven't seen a man squatting on the sidewalk showing everything except what's covered by sneakers and socks. I have never seen a naked man riding an escalator. And I've never seen a man whose cock weighs more than the rest of his body naked on a balcony.

So none of those things have ever happened. Which makes me like a member of the naked version of the Flat Earth Society. Despite all evidence to the contrary, none of this public nudity ever really happened. Oh, except for the set of photos from a Pride event I was actually at. Because I recognized the naked guy in it. His name starts with a P. As does his body.

I could go to some officially nude events or places and see a lot more, but there's no surprise in that. I want to see huge, exposed cock when I'm shopping for broccoli. I want to see a bare, muscular ass when I'm shopping for kale. I want to see an ejaculation when I'm shopping for Japanese sweet potatoes.

Clearly the common denominator here is that I eat a lot of vegetables. Oh, and that I don't ever shop for pogo sticks.

Part of why I want to tout this conspiracy theory is that maybe now the universe will seek to disprove it to me by showcasing random naked men to me in public. I guess it's the reverse of manifesting reality.

Though what I'd really like is a geography label on all of these so I know where to look. My immediate guess is San Francisco at 1:37 PM on a Tuesday.

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