Flashback: Who Says Romance Is Dead?

The only thing I see in all these pics is pure romance. I'd say "true romance" but as that movie co-starred Christian Slater and I don't want to be reminded of his disappointing career after he showed such creepy promise in the classic Heathers, we'll stick with pure.

Because it's romance when a guy is on his back and another guy is seated on the floor by him and lovingly attacking his nipple. That's something you normally only see in a doctor's office, depending on your insurance.

And it's romance to stand on a boat with one's hair flowing and muscular body mirroring the steel power of the boat's hull. Or whatever.

And it's romance to get fucked at both ends in a public toilet, clearly an elaborate ploy to seduce the sensitive, kind and adorably hunky janitor who is about to walk in.

The bulge-highlighting pants are romance magnets. And when there are two guys and one has a mustache and the only clothes between them are a polo shirt, that is absolute romance.

Stripping is also romantic in this case because clearly the man on stage is the stripper his own male fiancé hired at his own bachelor party to romantically dangle his penis and penis-related items in front of him while his friends can gaze in romantic awe. Definitely not a cheap strip club.

As for the longhaired guy being stroked while looking like if he doesn't get paid his $15 somebody is going to get seriously hurt, with that long hair he is Fabio's inspiration. I see romance novel covers in his future.

Key to all romance is self-delusion. It can never be denied.

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