Flashback: Objects of Affection

OMG, I like totally have major crushes on these guys! I don't just like them. I like them like them. But for some reason, they don't seem to notice me at all. What's up with that? Men!

I was just watching hilariously pathetic clips of the Dr. Phil show in which a woman's daughters are desperately trying to convince her she is not in a relationship with Tyler Perry but is being catfished. The fact that she has never met the online entity in person or talked to him on live video (something I've heard is possible online) does not deter her from her steadfast belief.

So with her delusions as my inspiration, why can't I have crushes on softcore models from the 50s and 60s?

I would totally give these guys what they wanted, which is money and closed-eyes head. They would close their eyes and I would close mine so I didn't see them closing their eyes, as that would be emotionally hurtful.

Though I would likely need to pick one of them upon which to focus my affections. I guess the guy on the desert looking rock. Because I could rescue him with water and he's fall in love with me to a Disney soundtrack. Except technically there seems to be water in the background of that photo and there's a second photo in which he's at a pool.

Guess I'll figure out the time travel thing first. That's way easier than love anyhow.

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