This is as patriotic as I get. Sharing a picture of a guy in tantalizing tube socks and tight, tiny shorts with no underwear. The patriotic part is his red, white and blue belt. Though technically, this isn't massively patriotic because I wish the belt would fail, causing his shorts to fall down.
Because we can't see him naked, let's balance that out with six definitely naked guys. The one at the top left looks very Paul Michael Glaser (Detective Starsky of the classic TV show Starsky & Hutch). It is not him though he did appear on that show shirtless plenty of times, like that one time he had to go undercover in a locker room.
I think someone tried to trap him in a sauna. I'd want to do the same, but not for criminal purposes.
Have you ever dated or slept with someone because they reminded you of a celebrity crush? Totally don't do that if they're a jerk. But maybe do it if it's a side bonus and they're not a jerk.
If I'd ever watched all those nighttime soap operas like Falcon Crest and Dynasty, then the guy the top right would likely resemble a cast member. If we skip ahead, he's sort of Jake from Melrose Place. One was a stiff actor, the other stiff in a different way.
As much as I should be drawn to the rimming situation in that store aisle, I'm more interested in knowing what all the products are. Maybe some potpourri or Sanka? Maybe some hair conditioner or waffle irons? The only thing I know for sure is in 1978, some Sanka got ejaculated on. But they wiped it off with a tube sock. That's cosmic balance.
The other guys have shiny hair. Guess they'd picked up the hair conditioner at that convenience store. Though I'm not sure how they paid since there's no place to hold your wallet when you're naked. Guess their bodies were currency. Some things never change.