The Lovers in Rossford

Secrets that would go to the grave

2

Even though he’d been in Lance’s house a hundred times before, it seemed too big and too empty this morning.

“Hello!” Lance called out as he closed the door behind him and locked it. “Hello?”

No one answered and Lance raised a finger and then beckoned for Dylan to follow him. He walked through the living room and the dining room and the kitchen.

“Should anyone be here?” Dylan said.

“No one should be here,” Lance said.

“Well, then…”

“Best to make sure.”

 “Alright,” Dylan shrugged. Lance was very still.

“Where’s my stuff?” Dylan said. “I don’t even know about the—”

Lance turned around with a strange look on his face and Dylan shut up.

Lance put his hands to Dylan’s shoulders and then bent down, kissing him. Dylan tried to squirm away, but Lance’s grip was tight.

“Stop!” Lance said, sounding a little furious. “Stop moving.”

Dylan did.

“You leave me? For that Ruthven. You leave me after you come here, get me all hard, fuck with me. You’re not leaving till I fuck you.”

“What are you—? Get off me!” Dylan shouted suddenly, but at the same time, Lance pulled him roughly to the ground. They were wrestling now, and Lance’s face was turning red. Dylan imagined his was too. Lance pushed him down and Dylan reached up to hit him in the face. And then Lance slapped him back and threw him on his stomach so that the wind was knocked out of him. Lance jerked his pants down and his underwear, and Dylan struggled to turn around while Lance held him to the ground. For a moment Lance loosened his grip as he worked at his own pants, and then Dylan came back up and pushed Lance off, but Lance slammed him on his back and pushed up his thighs. Lance’s pants were down, and he was kissing Dylan, and Dylan was confused and almost melting into it, then struggling out of it, and then he felt a finger, wet, and in his asshole, and he felt Lance vibrating on his asshole and his grip slackened and he was out of himself.

“Don’t,” Dylan begged, weakly.

And then he was back, and suddenly Lance was fucking him. They were on the living room floor, and Dylan was looking up at the ceiling and at Lance’s face, angry at first and then stupid and pacified, now slack jawed. Harder and harder, quickly now, and then with a force, over and over again, Lance fucked him, and it burned and bruised and went deep inside of him.

Dylan found the strength to push himself back up and now he straddled Lance and he rode him, taking him harder and harder, stopping Lance from getting up when he tried. Now he was holding Lance down, now Lance looked terrified, now Dylan did this with total lust and total hatred and then he got up, and because Lance was now weakened, he slapped him. He turned him over, cuffing him in the back of the head and fucked him hard, while Lance when red, while his eyes closed and sweat poured down his face, while the color drained away, and at the same time the color drained away, deep inside of him, Dylan ejaculated. His hands were around Lance’s throat

while the orgasm took him off of his knees. He had been deep inside of Lance, on his way to killing him when Dylan buckled and disconnected from him, helpless under climax, and then exhausted, he knelt like that and slowly rolled to his side.

Neither one of them said anything for a long time.

Lance got up first, weakly pulling up his pants, buckling his belt, straightening himself. Dylan followed. Neither looked at the other. Lance walked ahead of him, opened the door, and Dylan went out. They went into his car, neither one of them able to look at the other. As Lance turned the key in the ignition and they started down the street, Dylan began trembling. His teeth were chattering and he was shuddering so hard he thought he might throw up. He wanted to get out of this car. He wanted to get away from Lance. He wanted to get away from everything. He had never understood the idea of a secret that would go to the grave. He had heard of some people who kept things to themselves, never telling anyone. Shame had never really been a part of his life. Discretion, yes. But not shame. Now, at this moment, Dylan wished he would die. He knew he could never tell anyone about this morning.

“Hey, Chay.”

Chay looked up from his lunch. “Hello, Sheridan.”

“Things are going to be awkward between us, aren’t they?”

“Is there really any other way they can be?”

Chay’s cell phone rang and he picked it up.

“Hey, Dad. I’m eating lunch and Sheridan’s here… What? No, Dad, I won’t tell him that. No, I won’t tell anyone that. What’s up? Really? Casey said that? Well, I suggested it. Do it. You should do it. I don’t know,” Chay went on. “I’ll be home tonight. Yes. Have you told Dad? Tell him. Great. All right. Love you too. Bye.”

Chay slipped his phone back in his pocket without further explanation of Noah’s phone call, and Sheridan said, “I was hoping that one day things would be good between us.”

“One day, probably,” Chay said. “But not today. I think that’s pretty impossible.”

He thought a while and said, “Sheridan, I really don’t want things to be good between us. I mean, I really don’t think I should have to bother with you right now.”

“But you’re not bothering with Meredith either. She’s at my place right now.”

Chay shook his head.

“I’m a little put out with her, too. I know I don’t get a say in her life with Mathan, but still.”

“You can’t help who you love, Chay.”

 “Get the fuck out,” Chay said, suddenly.

Sheridan looked at him.

“Really,” Chay said. “I think I’ve been really good. But I’m eating my lunch now, and after you kick me to the curb you come to me with all of this shit. You had me, you swapped me out for Logan. You don’t get to have Logan and my friendship and respect. Really, get the fuck out.”

Chay went back to eating; Sheridan turned around and left. As he was exiting the cafeteria, Meredith’s head came from around the corner.

“Are you avoiding Chay?” he asked her.

“Yeah,” she admitted. “A little. Especially when I looked in and saw you talking to him.”

“I was making an effort.”

“Can I make a suggestion?” Meredith said. “Don’t make an effort. Not right now. What you did to him was as bad as what I did to Mathan. I don’t think he’ll ever want to talk to me again.”

“Do you want to talk to him?”

“Yes. Well, a little. I… I’ve tasted the other side. Now I know.”

 She shrugged.

“Oh, but that’s not what I came for. I came to tell you Logan’s at the apartment, and he looks really, really tired.”

There was a tap on Bryant’s door, and while he said, “Come in,” the door was pushed open and he was surprised by Chad.

“Hello,” he said. “Hi.”

Chad stepped forward, gingerly.

“Can we talk?”

“Yes, we can talk, Chad. You want a seat?”

“No. No, I’ll stand. I’ll close the door too.”

Chad moved to close the door and then came back to Bryant, whose face had changed.

“This town is small,” Chad said. “Our circle of friends is small.”

Bryant looked at Chad, and then he said, “Oh… Yes. Alright. Yes.”

“Are you okay?” Chad said, suddenly.

“Chad, I’m fine.”

“I wanted to come to you the other night.”

“Chad, I actually found my own way out of my… slump, for lack of a better word.”

“That’s good,” Chad said.

“I’m a big boy now, actually,” Bryant continued. “It’s nice you’re back. But we’re not back. You don’t have to make yourself concerned for me, all right?”

Chad didn’t say anything. He was sure there was something that should be said, but he didn’t know what it was.

He settled on: “Yes. That’s fine, Bryant.”

He wanted to say, “If you ever need me, just…” But it seemed inappropriate. It seemed too much.

“Chad,” Bryant said to his departing back. “Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Chad nodded. He gave a small smile and Bryant gave him a small smile back, and then he turned to leave. It had to count for something, didn’t it?

“Chad?”

He turned around.

 “What about you?”

“What about me?”

 “Are you alright?”

“I…” Chad thought a moment.

“I am,” he said. “But… You know Kenneth McGrath?”

 “Yes.”

“He’s a very talented artists and—”

 “Out of work?”

“Very much out of work, and a good teacher. But more outside of the classroom. Do you know anything, or anyone who…?”

“Chad North, are you asking your old partner to find your new partner a job?”

 “You’re not old, and Kenny’s my friend, not my partner. And yes I am.”

Bryant smiled and nodded.

“That’s fair. And good of you. I… I need to help someone beside myself. I’ve been in a bad place.”

“I know.”

Bryant looked at him.

“I mean, I know what’s its like. I have been there too.”

“Well, I can think of something. I know I can,” Bryant said.

 “Great. And Bryant?”

“I know not to let him know you’re behind it!”

 Chad gave him a small smile.

“Thanks.”

Noah, looking out of the window, was startled when James joined him.

“You surprised me.”

“You’ve been distracted,” James said.

“Well, with losing the job and everything.”

“It’s not that,” James told him.

Noah looked at him.

“You’ve been far from me. A little bit.

“Do you remember when we first got together I said, don’t go far from me. Don’t go to the place I can’t get to?”

“Yes,” Noah discovered. “I do remember that.”

“I told you I knew you were you, and I would never stop you from being you. I would never stop you from being wild. I don’t know what’s in your head right now, or in your heart, but I know it’s wild. I know that you want to fly away.”

“I don’t want to leave you,” Noah said, suddenly. “You’re mine. You’re my James.”

“I didn’t say you wanted to leave. But if you want to fly, do it. And then come back if you can.”

“James.”

“I told you I would never hang on to you, or be jealous with you, and I meant it. Whatever it is, do it. And then come back.”

While Noah stood there, shocked, James kissed him on the cheek, and then turned around and went out of the kitchen.

Well... How many men had Noah been with? Hundreds? But since James, none. Paul Anderson’s face rose in his mind’s eye, Pauley who was always there, Paul whom he’d done one of his first sex scenes with years ago. He remembered Paul, a few years older, like a big brother, like a protector, entering him so slowly, so tenderly with that gentle bruising, awakening new things in him. His lips went dry and he knew he would go to him. James had said, “If you can come back, come back.”

Could he come back? This was what scared him.