The Gaze

It was a Tuesday afternoon, we had just finished the last day of our basketball unit in gym class. As we walked back to the locker room, I trailed the jocks, walking alone. Gym class was never my favorite, I made it through, but never excelled. We rounded the corner and walked into the locker room. It has that distinctive high-school boys locker room smell. Too much cologne mixed with teenage musk. By the time I walked through the doorway half of the guys had already taken off their shirt. Their sweat had saturated their newly grown-in chest hair. From across the lockers I met eyes with Matt. Matt had been my crush on and off for years. We used to be close growing up, but slowly drifted apart. If I wasn’t mistaken, I would say I saw a small smile, but could have been a smirk cross his face. As he turned his back I noticed how much he changed over the last couple years. His shoulders filled out, he was now approaching 6’ 3” and his new shoulder tattoo was fresh and dark black. My eyes drifted lower to the curve of his back and how his shorts were sitting low enough to see the UnderArmour logo of his shorts. His dark leg hair created showing that made his think legs seem thicker. Each element emphasized his classic Italian looks. I knew he has been bulking up, but his abs now could be seen through his shirt as the sweat made it stick to him. His cropped hair made him look older than he was. At almost 19, he was already a man. He could get a girlfriend without even a second thought. After dating Cindy for the last couple years, he has been single for a couple months. He told everyone he wanted to be single until college and didn’t want anyone holding him back. 

I turned away to face myself in the mirror at the end of the lockers. The youngest in the room, I had finally turned 18 the week earlier. My face was clean shaven and my jaw defined. My shoulders are filled out and broad. My frame was thin and my abs defined. My eyes lowering, I see my thick, strong legs. I’m glad I wear loose basketball shorts, even when they are loose you can still see the definition of the head of my cock. My friends suggested that I take up swimming, and I figured “what the Hell?” and starting training daily with the team. Finally hitting 6’, 180 lbs, I was glad to be progressing and dominating in this years swim meets. 

I have never thought of myself as gay. I think to myself that I just enjoy the male figure. Why do I feel a deep stirring when I seem Matt and his friends? I’ve had girlfriends in the past, but never brought myself to return an “I Love You” or plan a future. Each time I would satisfy her and the more I explored, the kinkier I became. I needed more to be content… were they just distractions? 

Moving towards my locker, I am 5-6’ away from Matt. He is reaching down to grab his clean boxer briefs. They are a light shade of grey with black trim to outline the crouch support. The ones he has on now have sweat stains to the left and right of his bulge. These seem to be his favorite shorts, I see him in them nearly daily. What I would give to smell them now. I envision myself on my knees, biting them off of him and taken a long, deep inhale of his musk. As he begins to slide them down, I bashfully look away. 

I snap out of it and notice Collin, the fully out and proud gay student, looking at me. He is small, probably 5’ 8”. Thin and always outgoing. We are not friends, but I think he could see the look in my eyes. I turn away to face my locker. I need to focus and get changed to make it to class on time. I slip out of my shorts, and slip into a fresh pair, throw on my sweater and run out of the locker room. I’m one of the few guys left in there. 

I take the turn going out of gym too fast and run right into Matt’s back, nearly pushing him over. He turns around, his look of shock fades from his face and I see that flicker of a smile again. He tells me its no problem. His gazes lasts longer than normal, and then his eyes drift to my neck below my ear. He appraises the 5” of skin, almost looking like he wanted to get closer. The gaze is broken by his friends hollering for his attention and to rejoin them as they head to class together. It’s then, he looks me straight in the eye and gives me an unmistakable smile. Its not the smile of a friend, but rather it seems to have been an attempt to convey more. He closes his eyes as he turns away. Just as quickly as I hit him, he is gone. I am left standing there, unsure of what just happened. I start walking forward and instantly feel the increasing bulge in my jeans. With every step it rubs on my boxer and I can feel the precum that must have dripped out while Matt was looking at my neck.

I hear the bell ring and I now I am late to class…