The Book of Battles

"When I was nearly a woman, I told my mother I wished to be wed to a strong man, several years older than me who knew his own mind. Rather, she pointed me in the direction of a cousin I had never cared for, who was three years my junior and said, “This is the husband you wish for.” I still did not understand, and then my mother said, “If you would be a queen, have a king you can master. Then you can rule on your throne and in your bed, and in time you can have as many men as you want. Keep this advice in your heart and disclose it to none but the daughters who shall come after you.”

-Linalla Lindhaven Princess of Essail

 

SUNDERLAND

So here was Sunderland. Teryn reminded himself that the last time he had been in the presence of the royal family of Essail, h had been at the much smaller Remond House. It was, by normal standards, a palace, but only a day or so from the Westrial border. It had been aupon coming to the borde that Teryn realized what a long journey he eas in for, and he had traveled for days in this land that was not his own. He reminded himself that the people of Essail were Ayl just like himself, but how could they be just like himself. This was another land, and in his meeting with their Queen, Morgellyn, he realized that she was nothing like her brother, King Cedd. No, this was a foreign land. He might as well have been in Hale. Part of him began to wish that he had traveld with a larger party, towodner just how safe it was to come inot the presence of the Queen of Essail.

Yes, and I must remember that technically there is a king, that she is regent for this eight year of son of hers, to pay the boy all the respect I would pay King Cedd. It had been the night before, after a journey of days, that he had seen the grey stone many towered length of Sunderland, rising over the great city, and underprice to paystand that here was the true seat of the power of the Kings and Queens of Essail.

Teryn had sent a letter to the palace two days before, one last night from the inn where they had stayed and now he came bearing the banner of Westrial. The gates were opened and he came into the great bailey, dismounting his horse. From a balcony the Queen was waving and, shortly, beside her young son, both with coronets on their heads.

“Your Grace,” Teryn bowed low. He bowed twice.

The little boy bellowed, “Be welcome to my court, Lord Teryn.”

Teryn’s eyes rose to meet the Queen’s and then he averted them immediately afraid of what she would read in them, or what he would see in hers.

 

“And how is my sister, Isobel?” Morgellyn asked over supper, lifting her cup of wine. As King Charles lifted his cup, his mother said, “That’s enough, dear.”

“She fairs well and sends her love,” Teryn assured her. “Last I left there was word that she was carrying an heir.”

“Wonderful,” the Queen said. “It’s all I’ve been hoping for.”

“I thought it would be, Lady,” Teryn said. “I will be sure to convey your joy.”

“Yes,” morgellyn replied sitting back in the chair that was like a great wooden throne. “and I will have to send my own personal regards.”

“Your brother the King will be awaiting them eagerly.”

Teryn wanted to stop himself from talking. What was he. He was nothing, much less than nothing and raised up to something, given the title of a lord and sent here to banter with a Queen, born a pricness, born from a line or princesses, a woman who, it was quite possible, as she sat across from him, beautiful, golden haired, red lipped, had murdered her own husband.

But he was here for a job. Isobel had sent him, and she was a queen as well, his Queen, and the daughter of a Queen, noble and good, wise and kind, and so he spoke on.

“I had hoped to see the Queen Hermudis while I was here.”

Does she see through me?” Teryn wondered. “Does she see what I am? Does she see my nerves?”

“Lord Teryn,” she left days ago. “Hermudis went north to the border to visit her cousin, King Edmund.”

Did she know that’s exactly what I wanted to know? That I wanted to know what took place between Hermudis and Edmung And how to I get word to her from her daughter, word between them? Isobel has given me very little to learn.

Because she trust you to figure these things out for yourself.

Isobel will never order. Almost never order. She espects you to be a partner in this.

Tonight, when I am alone, I will have to make a list of questions, figure out what needs to be known, what must go back ot Kingsboro.

I must find out how to… find out.

Teryn scanned the room, looked at the young pages, saw one who was pouring the Queen’s water, who had been beside her when she had come down. He was not the only one, but there was something about him. His eyes met Teryn’s and Teryn fought with pulling them away, and then held Teryn’s glance. He waited for the boy to pull away, for he was the same age as Teryn. Thin like Teryn, not very tall like Teryn, almost silly looking, dark haired dark eyed, definitely uncertain looking.

Teryn remained in the hall long enough for the dessert, the sweet wine and the minstrel to sing a melody he did not care for, now and again his eyes meeting those of the dark haired boy who looked  little bit like one the silly elves they said Father Yulemas employed to make his toys during the Winter Solstice. But as that song came to an end, and some courtiers were rising to leave, Teryn made a show of yawning and Queen Moregellyn said, “Would you like to be shown to your chambers?”

“Thank you, your Grace. Could you spare your wine pourer.”

“What?” the Queen said, shaking her head as if noticing him, and this was the same time she seemed to notice her sons, half asleep.

“Eva, take the children to bed. Cody,” she said to her wine pourer, “Lead Lord Wesley to his chambers, please.”

Cody clicked his heels together in an almost comic fashion and bowed his head, and Teryn rose, pressing his fingers together and bowing to Morgellyn in the old fashion as Cody came around the long table, and Teryn went to meet him.

“The Queen has put you in the East Tower,” Cody told him as they headed down a long hall. “The place has just been fitted with lifts. I hear that Kingsboro has had them for years.”

“It has them now,” Teryn told Cody, “I have not really been there for long”

“In the west country they have all sorts of things,” Cody was saying, “including wizards, which makes you wonder, if the Royan have so much more, then how come they lost all the Sendic lands? But then from what I hear, these were the lands they didn’t really want And then I guess they didn’t really lose them I mena, Royan still live here.”

“I am half Royan,” Teryn said, as they stepped into the lift.

“That makes sense,” Cody said, as the brass doors swung shut and the lift jerked its way up. “That’s why you’re so golden and handsome.”

“Thank you,” Teryn said. “How much longer is this ride?”

“A few more stories, then we get off and walk to another lift.”

Teryn nodded his head and Cody said, “It’s not so bad once you get used to it.”

“It’s not really bad at all,” Teryn said.

During the walk between the first lift and the second, Teryn noted that this castle of grey stone wasn’t nearly as impressive as the Kingsboro, but kept this to himself an it was in the second lift, while Cody was talking, that the boy’s voice suddenly rose and he stopped while Teryn looked him dead in the face.

“What are you doing?” Cody’s voice drifted off, helpless.

“You can’t pretend you don’t like it. Your body is telling me you like it.”

“Please stop?” Cody begged.

Teryn’s hand was slipped into the tight hosiery cody was wearing, slipped under his codpiece, massaging him, and Cody was trembling, afraid at his own body’s response.

“Do you really want me to stop?” Teryn asked him, his hand still massaging Cody.

Cody didn’t say anything. His face went from white to green and Teryn stopped. Something triggered inside of him by the look of horror and shame on the other boy’s face.

“Very well,” Teryn said. “But if what I just showed you makes you want more, then you know to find me.”

Blank faced, not looking at Teryn, while the lift came to a jolt, Cody nodded his head and waited for the doors to open.

It was wrong to do that to that boy, Teryn reflected. Cody might have been as old as eighteen, but he had not seen the things that age one. He had been in Cody’s place once.

 

It was a long time before he could forgive himself. He could not understand himself for the longest time. He had grown up believing rules were at the heart of everything, and rules were constantly being broken. Now, after what had been done to him, after how he felt about it, the country of rules made little sense to Teryn. He could not stop thinking of his uncle, and when he saw him he wanted to run to him. He knew there was a rift between them. Ned could not look at him.

One day toward winter, he went after his uncle into the fire room. He embraced him and Ned did not throw him off, but he cringed a little.

“Please,” Teryn pleaded. “Please.”

“Teryn, what?”

He clung to Ned’s back, not letting go.

“I love you,” he told him.

“I love you too. That’s a good boy.”

“I’m not a boy.”

“You are,” Ned said, patiently, while the boy clung to his back.

“If I was a boy why did you do what you did to me?”

Ned stiffened, wordless.

Teryn turned around and stood in front of him. He sank to his knees.

“Ned,” he almost cried.

“Terry, what are…?”

Teryn was unfastening Ned’s trousers, and Ned said something neither one of them much understood, and then Teryn’s mouth was on him. It was the only thing he knew to do. He’d seen it done before. He didn’t even know what effect it would have. It was as if his mouth instructed him.

Ned said nothing. His hands rested in Teryn’s hair, and then they came up. Teryn dared to touch Ned’s side’s. His body was so tense as Teryn worked on him. They were in total silence and Teryn didn’t want to stop. He was afraid of what might happen if he stopped.

But finally it was Ned who pulled himself out of Teryn’s mouth murmuring, “That’s enough.”

Teryn fumbled with Ned’s belt, and pulled him onto the ground.

“We can’t,” Ned began. Then, in a different voice, “Are you sure?”

But Teryn was already opening to him, and swiftly, Ned pulled down his pants and his underwear while Teryn’s hands ran under his shirt.

“Don’t spit this time,” Teryn said. “I’ve got something better.”

And when he had gotten it, Teryn guided Ned inside of him, looking up at his uncle, looking up at his long face and thin nose, at his almost pleading eyes. Under his shirt, Ned’s body was so smooth, and inside him, though it hurt a little, the only word to describe how Ned felt was necessary.

That time as before, it was Ned who came. Teryn did not, but holding onto his uncle as his body writhed, a tremor passed through Teryn, and when they lay together in the bed pile, something past good or bad filled him. He wanted to lay here holding Ned and being held by him, never letting go.

 

And so it began. In time what felt good on a deep level became good on every level. Though Ned had been first to do this to him, in the end, he was the lover and he called Ned to him in his room in the house, at the farm, in a bower in the barn. For two years they came together in secret places, making love, and however it had started, this, holding Ned’s slender, smooth body between his legs, running his hands up and down his back, and through his hair, was what it was. What would happen to them, where this would go, neither one of them could say, and then one day it ended as quickly as if had begun.

“Only it didn’t begin quickly,” Teryn remembered. What was that? Was there a knocking at the door?

While they were in the midst of it, while Ned was making love to him, he heard a scream, and Ned rolled over, terrified. Teryn sat up, terrified to see his father.

“What are you doing?” he demanded. “What are you?”

Ned rose up, but then Teryn’s father was gone, running down the stairs. Quickly they dressed and headed after him, through the house, into the barn.

“Alveric!” Ned called out.

“Damn you!” roared the voice of Teryn’s father.

He came back into the house running with a great pitchfork.

“Alveric!” Ned shouted.

And then, just like that, in a gout of blood, Teryn saw Ned, pinned to the ground, his face showered with blood, twitching.

He went to his knees, and Ned looked at him, lips trembling like the rest of his body until, quite quickly, his green eyes lost all color and went dull as stones, his lips still open.

Teryn did not scream. His father made no noise. No one said anything. There was no noise. Nothing.

There was a knocking at the door. Teryn roused himself from the horror that fell on him like ice water now and again. Unfolding his thin legs from under him, he pushed up from the bed and opened the door.

Standing there, a question in his eyes and on his mouth, was Cody.