Stolen Love

Before the epilogue, I want to take a moment to offer special thanks to both Jim Norman and Robert (Bobby) Ronson.  Jim, your comments after every single chapter brought a smile to my face and joy to my heart.  Thank you for being there for me and the story.  Bobby, your comments were just as welcome and always thoughtful.  You both were there from the very first chapter of the very first story.  THANK YOU!

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Epilogue

Well, dear reader, that’s it.  That’s the end of the final tale of the Crown Vic story arc.  If you’ve arrived here, I thank you, sincerely and from the bottom of my heart.  I cannot convey my enormous gratitude to everyone who stayed and read and persevered with this story.  To those of you who wrote and commented and supported me throughout, thank you some more.

While ‘Stolen Love’ is the last tale of the Crown Vic story arc, it will NOT be the last story with these characters.  I’ve had second thoughts and more stories are in the works.  I’m currently writing the tale of Cass and the birth of Bem.  I plan to explore the story of Ars and that of Paul Miller.  Some of you lovely readers have called for Andy’s story as well.  We’ll see how many I get to.

I love these people.  As much as you have come to count on them for entertainment and an escape from the world, that’s every bit as much and more that I have come to count on them.  They have been my friends, my confidants, my diversion, and my escape more times than I can count.  I’ve brought them my joy and my sadness.  I’ve even fantasized about them.

That said, ‘Stolen Love’ is likely the final story with Church and Shawn as main characters.  All good things must come to an end.  I have been writing these characters and this great big epic story for more than six years now.  I have taken them as far as I can.  It is time for me to share my love with other characters and other stories.  It is time for me to put my hard-earned skills to use in other directions.

Even as I moved on, though, I admit that Church and Shawn, Bem and Mary, Joe and Primis, Andy and Comet, Uncle Ars, Paul Miller and Lenis, all the people we met and enjoyed throughout the telling of this tale, they will always be my favorites.  There is good reason for that.

You see, dear reader, much of this story is my story.  When I started writing this tale, I was very much like Church was when you first met him.  I was even more like the character of Sam who we met in an early chapter of ‘From Whence I Came.’  That man shares my name and my appearance from that time of my life.  When I started writing this story, I did it because I was so fed up with my own life, I hoped to find a place to escape to, where I could find happiness, even if it was only inside of a work of fiction.

I intended only to tell one story.  The adventure that became ‘Crown Vic to a Parallel World: The Beginning,’ was supposed to be Church’s entire story.  He was supposed to meet someone, find love, and be all better in one adventure.  It wasn’t until I wrote that story that I realized it’s not that easy.  Shawn’s love no more fixed Church than the love of another can fix any of us.  It helped, but it was not a cure.

I kept writing.  I thought if Church could go to his home, if he could deal with the monsters of his past, then he would be free.  ‘From Whence I Came’ was the product of that line of logic.  Church went home and he stood face to face with his brother and his sister.  He even stood before the stone monument that represented the parents he hated, but who he blamed himself for killing.  He even went to church, another source of anxiety for our hero.

Did it ‘fix’ him?  No.  Again, it helped, but in the end, Church was still filled with anxiety and self-loathing.  The chapter entitled ‘A Point of Frozen Blue Light in the Dark’ is probably the closest thing to an actual confession of my own feelings as is possible while I remain true to these characters.  The difference between me and Church, is that when I visit my inner self, I don’t have Shawn to come with me.

I reached the end of that story and found I was better off than I had been, but still not fixed.  I wrote on.  I thought that all I needed was one more tale.  Just one more story and I could fix Church and maybe myself at the same time.  So, I wrote.

The first draft of ‘Stolen Love’ and many drafts after that, didn’t strike the right tone.  They didn’t reach the conclusion I needed.  I couldn’t find my way.

While I wrote and edited and worked, I had a breakthrough in my own life.

You see, when I wrote ‘The Beginning,’ I was a miserable, barely functioning, overweight, heavy smoker, alcoholic.  I was closeted, isolated, and sad.  As I posted the first story and wrote the second, I quit smoking and lost weight.  I also barely cracked the closet door open on my sexuality.

As I finished ‘From Whence I Came’ and posted it, while at the same time I drafted the early versions of ‘Stolen Love,’ I dried out.  It was the single hardest thing I ever did.  I thought, once I quit smoking and lost weight and dried out, I’d be fixed.  Sadly, it’s never that easy.

I wrote ‘Stolen Love,’ and I rewrote it and I worked and edited and tried to understand why Church was still sad and why I was still broken.  During this time, a physical problem that I battle with, herniated discs in my neck that no one seems to be able to do anything about, came to a head, and I grew desperate for help with it.  One miserable, pain filled morning, while I wept miserably in the shower, I cried out for help from a place where I never thought I’d find it.  I cried out to God.

To my complete and continuing surprise, he heard me and answered.  I don’t mean that I heard the voice of God.  I’m not a prophet.  I’m just a man who believes that his prayers were answered.  My physical trouble still exists, I still deal with it every single day.  God has not healed my pain like Jesus cured the lepers, but he’s given me a new perspective to view it.  He’s made my pain easier to bear.

With that new understanding, I rewrote ‘Stolen Love’ again.  I brought Church to the Lord through the catalyst of Shawn’s kidnapping and their reunion and reconciliation.  To help Church, I added Paul Miller and Bem’s father, dear Papa Cass, to the crowd on Solum.  Now that we have reached the end of that story, I have found to my consternation that Church still isn’t fixed, and neither am I.

BUT, I’m better than I was.  It seems ‘healthy and happy’ isn’t a place one can arrive.  It’s a goal to be worked toward, but a place that can never be reached.  It’s not home plate or an endzone that one can do a touchdown dance inside.  I’m doing the best that I can.  I’m fighting the good fight.  I’m ‘keeping the faith,’ as my father would say.

I’ve downloaded and used the ‘Meet-up’ app.  I’m getting out more and meeting people.  I’m going to beautiful places like Longwood Gardens to get some exercise and breathe the air and feel the sun on my face.  I’ve gone to a few Pride events.  I even bought a little rainbow button to wear on my shirt like Church bought for Andy once upon a time.

I’ve downloaded and joined several online dating services.  For those of you who have done that, I’m sure you understand the frustration they bring with them.  I’m persevering though.  I want to find my Shawn.  I want to find a man to share my life with.  Ultimately, I’d like to have some kids, but I don’t know if that will be possible.

With a lot of work, a little luck, and the grace of God, I’ll keep getting better.  While I do, I will still be writing.  So far, I’ve written a detective novel and am working on a sequel.  I’m also either working on or planning to write the other stories I mentioned earlier.

I’ve asked this before and I will ask it again, what about you, dear reader?  If you could pick one character from the whole of the Crown Vic universe, one character to have his or her story told, who would it be?  I make you no promises, but I will consider your answers.

What about a tale that’s outside of the Crown Vic universe?  Do you have a character or fantasy that you’d like to see written out?  I won’t do commissions, but I’m open to ideas.  If you give me one, do so with the knowledge that if I use it, I will make it entirely my own.

The point of this monologue, which seems to have gone on too long, is that I wrote this story to exorcise my own demons.  To some extent, it worked.  It didn’t work in the way that I’d hoped at the outset, but it worked in a way that I needed it to work.

Along the way, I met a bunch of wonderful people, you lovely readers who have been supportive and understanding.  Some of you have even become my friends.  That’s something I never expected when I started this journey.

I am thankful to all of you.  You have given me someone to sing to, a reason to keep going when the going seemed impossible, a web of crossed arms behind the terrifying trust fall of posting something as personal as this story into the cold ether of the internet.  Thank you for being there to catch me.

With respect, and as much love as I can convey through this digital medium, I again say THANK YOU, dear reader.  I hope this trip has been as enjoyable for you as it has been for me.  If you have any thoughts you’d like to add, by all means, add them.  I’d love to hear from you.

Truly yours,

Sam (Church Philips) Stefanik

NOTE: Keep an eye on my author page.  Not all of the stories that I plan to post in the future will fit the Science Fiction category.  If you check in on my author page from time to time, you won’t miss new stories when they post.