'We're gonna see how you dance,' He said, tapping his foot to the beat. I stared back at him and quickly backed up against the headboard. Freak out mode had been officially initiated in my mind.
'No way!' I shouted over the music shaking my head.
'Aw come on babe, don't make me dance alone!' He laughed moving his shoulders. I gazed at the memories of me dancing awkwardly in my room and shuddered. How can I dance when I don't even know how to dance correctly? I haven't tried dancing in front of a mirror, but I could just feel it. Every time I tried it felt so odd and wrong. With the music still going, he walked over and took my hand in one of his while moving to the beat.
'Come on Levi. You can't be that bad,' He said squeezing my hand. He slowly came to a stop, but the music was still boom loud through the speakers. I glanced up at his pleading gaze, and then swiftly return to the view of bed covers beneath me. I don't really want to embarrass myself, and I didn't want to have to deal with the thought that never being able to dance in public with him, not that it would happen anytime soon but hopefully there would come a day, someday. Besides, I stuck more to the formal ones. They seemed so much more pleasant and well...easier. I could follow them, there were steps, there was direction but this kind of dancing was different. You had to come up with your own moves and know what to do and you constantly have to do different things or else you just look boring. That was the least of my worries though, my main worry was just dancing without looking like I was getting beat up by invisible sticks. I gazed up once more, I blew out a sigh, and stood up.
'Ok...' I whispered. I gazed sheepishly up at Ray's face and he smiled broadly in return. I could feel his hand tremble in excitement as he lead me to more open space where I would make a total fool of myself with my clumsy movements. A new song started playing, and as Ray did small movements, I nervously stood there looking around and biting my lower lip. It's not like I didn't feel like dancing, it' just I didn't feel like dancing in front of him.
'Just feel the music babe...' He said in my ear, and placed his hand n my hips. The moment he said that I felt a sudden shockwave of shivers originating from his fingertips and shot throughout my whole body, making me jerk a little as the music pounded in my ears.
'Please Levi?' He pleaded, pulling me closer while continuing to dance. I felt myself breathed in deeply as I could feel courage starting to rise in my chest. Just remember what you saw on tv, and feel the music. Right at the song high point, I began rocking my hips rhythmically and stepping according to the beat. Keep your movements small, 1, 2, 3. I glanced at Ray, and saw a wide smile spreading across his face as he became more and more into the music. I started to smile and laugh when I realized that this was actually fun, and I could feel myself staring to caring less. The awkwardness in my steps began dissipating into the intense atmosphere that had been created, and I could feel myself relaxing and becoming more fluid when the next song began.
'Feel the fucking music,' I thought. I then flipped the hair out of my eyes and slid my hands across his chest while losing myself in the beat, not caring an ounce anymore.
'You're a good dancer!' He laughed while gathering me into his arms and falling back into the bed. I giggled and wriggled in his arms and brushed a kiss on his lips. We had danced for a few more songs, and were panting. I could feel heat radiating off both of us.
'You really think so?' I asked shyly while tracing circles on his chest.
'Do I ever lie?' he said softly, giving me a squeeze. I shook my head and kiss his cheek.
'I trust that you don't,' I said.
'I love how you're so physical when you dance,' he growled and grabbed my ass. I blushed and looked away.
'I can't help it,' I crooned nuzzling his neck. I slid my hands up his shirt, feeling a light coat of sweat over his rippling abs. He chuckled and sighed. Then he took his shirt off and stared at me with a sly smile creeping on his face.
'Can I help you?' I asked, widening my eyes at his expression.
'Come on. You know the drill babe.' He chuckled and began sliding his hands up my shirt.
'What? You're supposed to have sex after you dance?' I laughed, holding his hands in place with my own.
'No...it'd be lovely though.' He said softly, brushing me a light kiss. I blushed a little and sat on my haunches to remove my shirt.
'I like this view.' Ray growled, reaching up and touching my slim waist. I shivered a little from a slight cold draft, and Ray pulled me down and hugged me.
'You're always full of surprises...' He breathed out and closed his eyes. He then rolled over a bit so then we were laying side by side, and burying his face into my hair.
'You're so shy...' he mumbled, and inhaled deeply.
'I'm sorry...' I replied.
'No...it's cute. Plus I like coaxing you out...' he chuckled, and patted my back. 'Makes me feel human,' He said softly, and kissed me adoringly on my forehead.
'I love you Levi,' he said drowsily. It was still rather earlier, and after this I was getting sleepy myself.
'I love you too Ray...' I said in a sing song voice, and fell asleep with the beats of the songs we danced to pounding loudly in my head.
Our Thanks Giving break lasted only a week and unfortunately after a few days Ray and I were forced to return to school where we would be apart for hours again. When we stepped out of the car, Ray did a quick scan of our surroundings and pressed me up against his car, kissing me passionately.
'I'm gonna miss you babe,' he groaned, and flicked his tongue inside my mouth.
'Me...too...' I said, blushing and kissing back. To be honest just thinking about it scared me a little.
'Don't worry...I'll see you around school,' he crooned, kissing my neck.
'Toss me a little wave at least?' I joked.
'I'd rather give you a kiss,' he chuckled. With that, he gave me one last kiss and we went our separate ways.
'You're too quiet,' Regina said with a mouthful of chips. Technically we weren't allowed to eat in the library, but from what I've seen Regina didn't care about other people so much.
'Hmm?' I responded, snapping out of my dreamy daze. Ray was floating around in my head, both clothed and nude.
'You're quiet. That's why they pick on you,' She reiterated, crumpling the bag into a wad and tossed it in a little trashcan.
'Uh huh...' I replied, shifting in my chair due to my massive erection.
You're not ugly, you're not fat. You're not mentally disturbed, at least I think so.' She said eyeballing me suspiciously. I laughed and shook my head.
'I'm one hundred percent sane,' I said raising my hand up a little. She smiled and shook her head.
'We'll never know. But the point is, you're just quiet. You don't fight back so they see you as an easy target who'll just take the crap they throw at you!'
'What brought this up?' I asked. Today wasn't exactly the greatest conversation ever, and we were nowhere close to the subject of bullying.
'Oh. I was thinking about it while eating Thanks Giving leftovers,' she said with a frown. 'Why must food be delicious?'
'Because if it weren't then we would starve.' I replied in a matter of fact tone. She sighed and placed her hands on her belly.
'Maybe I should just try that.'
'Starving. I'll drop weight just like that,' She said wistfully and snapped her fingers. Immediately a little red light of panic went off faintly in my mind. If I allowed her to go through with this then that faint ringing would turn to a ear piercing scream.
'No!' I hissed, placing my hands on the table.
'Why not?' She asked, cocking her head at me.
'Because it's ineffective.'
'Because, one' I began holding up a finger, 'It's just plain out stupid. Your metabolism will slow because of it and once you reach that goal weight and start eating again, you're going to gain it all back. Two, it's dangerous, and three,' I leaned forward and softened my expression. It was so sad hearing this. How far a person was willing to go to be accepted into a harsh society dominated by self image. I couldn't let her go through this, I've seen it all. Oprah, Maury, you name it. There was doubt in my source's credibility, but it gave me a background idea.
'Would you really stoop that low Regina...' I asked gently, making eye contact. She stared back blankly and in disbelief. I did my best to show that I cared, that I wasn't just doing this because of pity or for moral reasons. She was my friend, hell my only friend in this school besides Ray. In addition to that I could understand her motives. So many people go through such extremities just to be told that they look good in this world. They change their hair, buy new clothes, plaster odd paints onto their faces, and if they felt bad enough, they would pay for stranger to cut off pieces of their bodies that they find 'repulsive'. I didn't want her to become like that. I didn't want to see her as some plastic doll in the future wondering why she did all this and wishing she could undo all of it.
'I...don't know,' she said glumly, and sighed. I slid back into my chair and inhaled deeply.
'Don't do something like that Regina. You accomplish nothing by destroying your body...' I said, and gazed down at my own arms and torso.
'Trust me...I know...' I whispered to myself. I bit my lower lip as a slimy tendril from the basement of my mind began sliding through the crack of its cage, but I quickly covered it and blocked it from my view.
'Yeah..you're right Levi,' She grumbled and played with a chunk of her hair.
'Besides, why listen to what those bastards say? Like they have any brain cells left from all that drinking,' She said sharply, and we both shared a laugh. In the midst of laughing I glanced over my shoulder and caught the gaze of the librarian expecting trouble. She did the opposite though, and instead smiled and waved at me. We both waved back and I returned my attention to Regina.
'Really, if you're going to do something, at least do it right, ok?'
'Of course. I don't think I'm up for not eating, let alone eating a freakin salad for every meal.' She said rolling her eyes. I nodded and drummed my fingers on the table.
'How do those girls do it in the first place?'
'Don't know. I respect them for their determination though' She said shaking her head.
'When you have a good enough reason, you're basically forced to do it.' And my thoughts shifted to Ray. Just how long has he been doing all this?
'I pity them for that. Must be a rough life if you have so much pressure placed on you,' She said frowning and popping her knuckles.
'Not like we don't know of course, ' she sighed. I glanced up at the clock and saw the bell was about to ring.
'We have a few minutes left. Where are you going after this?'
'Biology,' She said flatly. 'You?'
'Calculus,' I replied.
'Ew. Why did you take that?' She sneered. I shrugged and stood my calculus book upright.
'Because I like a challenge?' I said questioningly. To be honest, I had no idea why I took it. I wasn't pursuing a math career, nor was I interested in math at all. Then again I didn't even know what I wanted to do in the future. I never really thought about it because often times I thought that I would've been dead by now. On the other hand, it was easy, yes, but mostly it's enormous amounts of time consuming work was something to keep me busy back then when I was still living with my father.
'Good for you! Have fun in CALCULUS!!!' She said sarcastically and did a little dance. We both laughed obnoxiously and the said out farewells until tomorrow.
I wandered through the halls with my eyes set on my feet in order to avoid eye contact with anyone, a usual habit that I had yet to grow out of. The only person I felt confident with was Ray, and even then there were still twinges of meekness here and there. When I looked straight on, I felt overwhelmed. So many sights, so many people, so much judgment. I could feel it all. I could feel the prying eyes, the little whispers, the silent snickers. They were silent enemies that tried to hide behind their eyes, but it didn't matter. I could see them peering out of the multi colored windows of the masses as they walked past me. I hated how their transparent eyes would wander along my body, scrutinizing everything with distaste. My clothes, my hair, my mannerisms, I could just feel it! Thick globs of judgment fired and stuck to me, making my body feel heavier and heavier until I couldn't bear to take one more step. I'm sure there were thoughts as well. The disgusting thoughts that loomed in their brain before they allowed it to escape with deadly speed the moment they open their mouth or even lost control of it. Thoughts that were so sharp that they slid out easily from the minds of the strangers that slithered by, and stuck my right in my own body. These thoughts floated everywhere in school, and they constantly hissed menacingly at me, further weighing me down with numerous heavy insults that burdened my body. I barely took a breath in fear that if I inhaled at all, my body would collapse in the middle of my hallway. I had to maintain my body now, because I was afraid that even the slightest change would trigger another silent insult my way. The only time I could take a breath was in my seat at the corner in the back of the classroom, where I once more became invisible. In the hallways, I was moving, and this attracted them. They were like animals, beasts that ripped and clawed apart my body and feasted upon my pain as I desperately tried to hold my tears in. Each 2 minute walk felt like walking a mile across a plain filled with vicious carnivores that stared at my vulnerable body hungrily, biding their time until it was right. It was then these animals would strike. Thankfully today, they just decided to stare and play with my mind in order to incapacitate my rational thoughts before they struck another time. As I neared my classroom, I dug my nails into the palm of my hands and gritted my teeth. Just a few more seconds until safety. Just a few more meager seconds until I can breathe once more and rest. Just a few more seconds until I'm safe from an attack, until I have to get up once again to venture back out into the treacherous field of monsters that threatened to tear me apart and devour me physically and mentally.
The end of the day arrive, but I was no long feeling heavy and weary of the burdens that were thrown on my body. When I stepped out of school, they immediately froze in the arctic winter air, and floated away like dead leaves in the wind. This was the time where I could actually look straight ahead with confidence, because I had my eyes set on one thing, and one thing only. I took no notice of the students getting into their cars, nor did their eyes matter anymore. Their silent bullets deflected easily off of my tender skin as I made the somewhat long journey to a beautiful haven that none of the earth's vast natural wonders could amount to. This sanctuary was Ray's warm and loving arms. I walked briskly and ignored that icy wind whipping against my face and the gust that threatened to throw me off balance. I had my eyes fixed on Ray's secluded red mustang, where I would wait for a few moments before being greeted with a long hug and a tender kiss. The closer I got, the more rapid my breathing became. By now I was [practically running to the car. This happened every day, no matter how much self control I had, I couldn't control it all. All I wanted was to be close to some essence of Ray, and his car would be the closest thing until he arrived. That time would be when I'm able to take a deep breath of his wonderful scent, and touch his mystical lips once more.
When I arrived at the car, I immediately doubled over and gasped for air. I would think the number of times I've rushed over here driven mad with love would get me use to the sprint, but I never grew accustomed to it. Still breathing in hard, I stood up straight and glanced around, scoping the area for stragglers that wandered to this secluded area where Ray parked his car far from the school. As soon as I was sure there were none, I slowly walked around the car, my heart rate beginning to slow only to have it spike it back up to dangerous speed.
'BOO!' I heard Ray boom. I yelped in response as I jumped and felt a lurch in my stomach from when Ray barreled into me and swung me around in a circle till I was feeling rather nauseous.
'I missed you babe!' he said happily and kissed me on my cheek. I stared at Ray with eyes rolling around in their sockets while I desperately fought for control of my organs.
'Uh...guess I got carried away...' he frowned and placed me back on my feet. Once I was back on solid ground thankfully, I closed my eyes and took a few deeps breaths.
'Don't...worry. I'm fine' I breathed out and opened my eyes and stared at the glorious man that stood before me.
'Good,' He said lowly and pushed me against his car and leaned in.
'I missed you' he growled and kissed up my neck.
'Oh yeah?' I said gently with my lips not even an inch from his.
'You have no idea,' and then he kissed me hard. I felt a low moan echo in my throat as I felt a wave of intense heat course throughout my entire body and warmed up the areas that were numb just moments ago. He ran his hands through my hair and tugged it a little as I parted my lips and allowed his tongue to slip inside and touch mine. I instinctively rolled my hips against his massive bulge, fueling the fire of passion that flared up between us.
'I missed you too...' I moaned and kissed him again.
'You know...' he said and pulled his lips from mine, 'If a few hours does this, then I'd love to see what happens when we're apart for a few days...' He said holding my face in his hands.
'I can't wait that long,' I breathed, and Ray quickly crashed his lips back on mine. I couldn't survive for a few days, even a few hours was excruciating. I wanted Ray, I'm addicted to Ray, I need Ray.
When we arrived home, I followed Ray in and turned the locks on the door into place before turning around. I saw Ray smile at me and he began peeling his shirt off slowly, twisting his torso to reveal and define his abs while I stared and gawked at his amazing body. He then threw his shirt aside and walked towards me, while I met him halfway.
'You like?' He said smoothly. I nodded and played with the zipper on his jeans. He chuckled and placed his hand on my ass, and stared at me.
'And you say I'm a tease,' I said softly, and brushed a light kiss across his lips.
'Your doings are way worse than this babe,' he growled, and closed the space in between us.
'Oh really?' I laughed and kissed his neck. I glanced up at his face and saw a sly smile creeping to his face and within seconds, I found myself pinned against the wall, one hand remaining on my butt while the other was pressed against the wall next to my face.
'You know it,' He breathed, ad leaned into me. I couldn't help but smile when I pressed my hands against his pecs and received a long kiss while we both fiddled with each other's zippers, toying with the waistband until I finally popped the button on his jeans.
'Does this mean you want me more than I want you?' He said, gazing down while I slowly pulled his pants down to reveal his tented boxers.
'Your dick says otherwise,' I said softly, and grinned. I felt him pop the button on my own jeans, and removed his hand for a few seconds in order to get my jeans down to reveal my tented briefs as well. I blushed as he reached down and grazed it lightly with his fingers.
'Apparently we're equal on this,' he exhaled, and gently bit my ear. My skin rose as a wave electricity shot throughout my body and caused me to inhale.
'No...' and I reached down and took his dick out before gripping it, causing him to groan in response.
'Now we are,' I exhaled once more and squeezed it. Within moments of this, I felt Ray press his body against me and sunk his tongue into my mouth, which I eagerly twisted my tongue around his. He lifted my shirt up slightly and traced the edges of my stomach with his fingers before sliding his hand up and around my nipple, making them erect and my dick throb.
'You wanna work out with me?' he asked, and kissed me. I opened my eyes and pulled my lips from his.
'What's that suppose to mean? Are you saying I'm fat?' I joked and ran my hands along his pecs.
'Maybe,' he said lightly. I gave him a cynical look.
'Or I just wanna see your sexy body all nice and sweaty,' He growled, leaning his forehead against mine and squeezing my butt with both of his hands. I laughed and hugged him.
'I'll take your word for it,' and I slipped out from under him and walked in the direction towards the workout room.
'Oh and one more thing...' I said, stopping and turning around while I raised my index finger at him.
'Don't think I won't enjoy the same view from you,' and I continued walking. I heard Ray's laughter boom from behind me and felt a huge slap on my behind a few seconds later. I leapt forward and cried out, glaring at Ray as he walked backwards in front of me.
'I couldn't help myself,' he shrugged, and I ended up chasing him into the gym.
The moment I stepped in here, I stopped. I've been in here a few times before, but it never ceased to bring back my first few memories of Ray. How kind he was to me, and how he gave me a hand when I was down, and offered me little acts of kindness that had such huge effects on me. I remember nights when I would go home and jump into my bed and hug my pillow as I tried to contain my bubbling happiness. I remember how happy I was when I did homework, or none at all because of thoughts of Ray. I remember how I didn't care where I was. All I could think about was Ray.
'Hey, earth to Levi,' I heard Ray's voice interrupting my thoughts. I snapped out of my daze and stared at him. I noticed that he had shed his pants, and was poking around in a little closet for workout cloths. He pulled out a navy blue under armor shirt, and tugged it over his head. I walked towards him and my eyes roamed his body, examining its contours which the shirt clung to so nicely. When I was close enough, I kissed him on the cheek, and hugged him.
'...I love you too Levi,' he said softly, and encircled his arms around me. I buried my face into his chest and enjoyed the feeling of the smooth spandex sliding across my face.
'How about we skip workout?' He asked after a while of hugging. I looked up at him and cocked an eyebrow.
'And make me miss out on an opportunity to see you sweaty and hot? No way!' I heard him utter a low growl in his throat and he began unzipping my jeans.
'There are other ways to get me hot and sweaty,' he whispered as he began pulling down my underwear. I felt a jolt shoot through my dick as we both began to become completely hard.
'And I would not hesitate to show you how,' He said in a low, seductive voice. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply, leaning forward into his chest.
'Oh the places you'll go,' I murmured when his dick throbbed against my stomach.
'Oh I know where I'm goin babe,' He said pushing me against the wall and pinning my hands above my head. 'The question is, how deep,' He hissed, and flicked his tongue inside my ear. I moaned and shudder as various positions came into mind, causing a large deposit of precum to bubble out and down my shaft.
'I guess my work here is done,' He chuckled, examining my body. By now he had my underwear down, my dick exposed and wet, my face flushed the deepest shades of red, and his hand was continuously tweaking my nipple while the other slid to my backside. How I managed to not cum by now, I have no idea.
'Shut up...' I whimpered as a wave of pleasure coursed through my body.
'Oh? Would you rather have me walk the walk?' He teased, and began poking between my cheeks towards my hole.
'No! What about me?' I cried out, clenching my butt.
'What about you?' He chuckled, removing his finger.
'When is it my turn?' I said and stared up at his composed but smiling face.
'Lets just say you owe me. And you owe me quite a bit.' He said and leaned in close to my face.
'I hope pay day comes soon,' He murmured, and gave me a simple kiss while releasing my hands. I sighed and kissed back, my hands still above my head and pinned against the wall while Ray's hand slid down my shirt and pulled my underwear over my still erected dick. One of my hands broke free and I reached down and did the same for him, but found it incredibly difficult.
'You're too big,' I muttered, taking a quick glance down at his pulsating cock.
'Is that a problem?' He said with a proud smile, and pinned my hand back above my head.
'Besides the fact that it poses a danger to various parts of my body, one of them being my eye, it won't go back through your boxers.'
'Guess we're going to have to include it in our 'workout' then,' He said with a wink.
'I can't 'work out' with it if I don't have my hands.' I smirked, and then gazed at my confined wrists. He laughed mischievously, and prodded my lips with his finger.
'You don't always need your hands Little Levi,' He crooned. I stared at him, and slid my tongue against his finger.
'Tempting,' He rasped. The corners of his lips tilted up into a little smile as he released me.
'Come on. Let's get started, I need to work off some of this energy. I've got quite a bit goin through me' he said motioning to his body, stopping just below his protruding member.
'I can tell,' I said eyeing it with lust.
'Of course, there are always other options...' He suggested, and hooked the front of my shirt with his finger and pulled me towards him. I smiled stepped away right when he leaned in and was about to kiss me.
'Oh...I don't think so...' I said pretending to think about it.
'Why not?' He laughed.
'Because...' I said and began shedding my clothes. 'You're going to have to work for it.' Ray cocked an eyebrow and gave me a look that said, 'You're kidding right?' All I did was smile, turned around, and walk towards the closet.
'Fine, 'he chuckled and turned me around.
'Challenge accepted,' and he pinched my nose. I crinkled my nose and swatted his hand away.
'Hey at least I can change now,' He said pointing down at his semi hard dick. I couldn't help but blush, and I quickly turned away.
'You know you want some...' He mumbled, and began burrowing deep into his closet.
'Some? More like all...' I muttered to myself. I stood there waiting for him to pick out his shorts when he pulled out a spandex shirt that was obviously too small for him.
'Put this on.' He requesting, beaming. I took the fabric from his hands and inspected it.
'Why?' I said, looking up from it.
'Because I think it'd fit rather nicely with your sexy body.'
'Uh huh...right. Question, why did you even keep something this small?' I asked. This must be incredibly old, not that it looked like it. It seemed a little stretched out, but it was black and at least an eight of his body now!
'It was my first workout shirt,' He said coolly. I glanced at his body, and then back at the shirt.
'Damn...' I said as my mouth fell open a bit. He really bulked up.
'Got it when I was 13...' He said, taking it from my hands. 'Its old yes, but I can guarantee that it's clean. It's one of my keep sakes.' He said while holding it out in front of him. 'Brings back memories, you know?' and he looked back at me. I nodded, and he rubbed the fabric between his fingers. 'That's why I want you to wear it. It's a part of me...' He said, and gave me this slightly sheepish look.
'And I trust you. I know it's odd for me to keep something like this, but I felt safe sharing it with you. It kind of marks a milestone in my life.' He said and sighed. 'It was when the time I finally stopped being so self conscious and gained more confidence. It was around this time I bought it that I felt completely comfortable with my body.' He stared at me with a nostalgic look in his eye, and held it out to me. 'And I'm hoping that by wearing this, maybe you'll stop being so shy, and see that you're just as beautiful as I think you are.' I gazed at it, struck by awe and adoration as I took it into my hands, and stared at him.
'Go on Levi...' He said taking a step towards me. I stared at the piece of stretchy, worn fabric in my hands. He trusts me. I glanced at his face, and stripped off my shirt, exposing my entire torso to him. I stood there, hesitant to put it on. He reached and traced a scar with his finger.
'Levi...you're beautiful.' He said gently. I felt his fingers on my shoulder, trailing down my right arm till the scar ended with a small web of other connected little ones. He squeezed my arm and smiled.
'It'll mean a lot..' and he released me. Sure, it should've been so simple to put on a shirt, but the fact that it wasn't any shirt is what made it so hard. It was a part of Ray, and I wanted to accept him but... just something, this feeling of apprehension that held me back. Was it because of the fact I was afraid to wear something so precious to Ray? Or maybe...because in the back of my mind somewhere, I still had my guard up. Possibly, maybe, I don't know. Part of it was fear that I would damage it, and the other part was that I would be damaged later on. It came as a minor shock that I was still on guard, waiting, preparing for a time where pain might come. I thought I was over it, I thought that I had trusted him completely, but this feeling proved me wrong. A wave of guilt swept over me when I realized this. He may trust me completely, but I didn't completely trust him. I took a deep breath, and allowed it to unfold it my hands. I decided not to tell him this and exhaled. Life is about taking chances...how else are you supposed to move forward? That's what I wanted, to move forward in my life, and in our relationship, not step back because of my past. Ray was the one that pulled me away from it, so why, why should I be so scared? He took a step forward, and I have to walk with him, or else I may find him miles away while I'm still on the same stone, alone, cold, and heartbroken. I felt my hands tremble a little as I slid my hands through the tight, light shirt, and tugged it over my head. It was such an odd feeling. It was cold, and clung tightly to my body, to every contour, ridge, bump, everything. On Ray it looks so nice and perfect, and it must have felt that way for him too! However, one me it just felt so confining and suffocating. I could feel my body itching to pull it off as feelings of panic began flooding my system. My mind raced and I could feel multiple warnings fire through my head, little protestors holding up their signs, screaming in objection, one saying that this was bad, one saying this was wrong, one saying you're killing yourself, and another saying you're letting him take over. The things rattled my brain as I tried to control the riots and block the things they hurled, but then they all screamed something in unison. YOU'RE GOING TO GET HURT! This caused me to freeze as their scream echoed in my ears and ripped through my efforts to stop them. I felt myself tremble and wheeze as my vision became a blur and my lungs seemed to stop functioning. However, theirs were still functioning and they took a deep breath. Within this miniscule time frame, I gained my vision back. I only needed this fraction of a second to see Ray. To see him standing there, staring at me with loving eyes that said it all. It was his voice that rose above theirs and silenced them. It was the image of him that scared them away. It was his love that chased them into the dark corners of my mind, and kept them there for now. I stood there, my hands trembling as I gained my vision back only to have them blurred once again by a few tears, which I quickly blinked away. I was staring at my feet, taking quick and uneven breaths through my nose and trying hard to get my mind back in order, for they did quite some damage. I felt frazzled, tired, a bit shaken, but slowly I was becoming calm again.
'Levi?...' I heard Ray said softly, and touched my arm. I flinched and gazed up at him with weary eyes, still breathing hard and shaking.
'Levi...what's wrong?' he frowned, and stooped down a little with both hands on my shoulders. I stared back for a moment, and felt my eyes soften and relax. I stepped forward and hugged him tight, this time enjoying the feeling of the spandex on me, and noticing the interesting feeling of how it felt when our chest touched. I felt him lower his arms from my shoulder and down to my waist.
'Bad memories?' He asked gently, and squeezed me. I nodded and exhaled. I was glad that he knew and understood, but at the same times it bothered me greatly. I hated how they held me back. I hated how much the effected me in my daily life. I hated how I had to constantly be on guard and keep them in check. I hated how I have to constantly worry about things that would trigger them. I hate how they continued to haunt me even though I was in a better place. I hate how they would get in between me and Ray. I hated them! I hated how frustrating it was when I was trying to be happy and then they just come up and wreck everything. I hate how they make me cautious about even a simple act of kindness. I hate how they made moving forward so difficult. I hate how I'm a prisoner to my own mind.
After a few moments, my heart had calmed down, and my mind was finally back in order. The feeling of panic subsided, and I could finally take a nice deep breath, filling my senses with the scent of Ray. I stepped back and smiled sheepishly at Ray.
'How do I look?' I asked. A wide smile formed on Ray's lips showing his perfect, white teeth. He stepped forward and slid his hands from my armpits and down the sides till it reaches my hips.
'Sure you don't wanna skip workout?' He said, and leaned his forehead against mine. Seeing him smile so wide made me happy. It showed that I did something right.
'Careful...you might get fat,' I laughed, and pinched at the non existent pooch on his stomach.
'That's skin babe,' He said wincing in pain. I laughed and kissed his chin, giving it another pinch.
'Like I said, there is an alternative workout plan,' He said slyly, and cupped both of my butt cheeks in his large hands.
'Hmm...does it come with a protein shake?' I joked, and reached down to cup his hefty package.
'All you can drink,' He growled, and roughly pull me against him, his lips attempting to brush against mine, only to have me pull away. I wasn't surprised when I felt his package beginning to enlarge in my hand, and I gave it a squeeze.
'Tempting...but I think I'll stick with water' I said non chalantly, and release him. He however, did not.
'Really Levi?' He laughed, trying to kiss me again. Turned my head to the side so he kissed my cheek instead.
'You accepted my challenge, and you have yet to even break a sweat.' I smirked.
'I promise you that it involves a lot more movement than you'll get here,' He said, further tempting me. I bit my lower lip, and felt myself getting hard, causing Ray to smile as he tugged at the waistband of my briefs.
'You're thinking an awful lot about it,' he said and bit down gently on my ear.
'The longer you wait, the more fat cells are going to start building up, and the longer you'll have to wait for a kiss' I groaned.
'Babe, I'm all on board with it. I'm just waiting for you to give me the thumbs up for it,' He chuckled, and kissed my neck. I opened my eyes, and began thinking. Was it a bad thing that I didn't want to have sex yet? Did the fact that I always just teased him and left him hanging (or rising to be more accurate) ever annoy him?
'Sorry,' I rasped. He leaned back, tousled my hair and kissed me on my cheek.
'No pressure Levi. I just want you to know how much I want you, and how sexy and beautiful you are.' He reassured.
'You at least know that I would like to, right?' I asked. I felt ashamed that I couldn't give him what I wanted just because I couldn't get past my own past. God I felt like it was such a hindrance in our relationship sometimes, but at the same time it accelerated it. Playing everything in my mind, our relationship seemed to zip through some areas, but when I begin to think more and more into it seemed to slow to a trickle rather than a roaring river. I knew that Ray wanted to take it slow; he said it so many times himself, but I didn't know how slow he wanted to move. What if the pace we're moving at is only tolerable? What if he want's to move faster?
'Nice an slow...' He whispered, and patted my back.
'But how slow?' I asked. He gave me this funny look, and then laughed.
'This slow. I want to stop and smell every beautiful flower on the path of our relationship,' He paused. 'And I want to take as much time as I want with my beautiful boyfriend.' He said with an endearing smile. I wanted so bad to kiss those godly lips that said those tender words, but of course, I held fast to what I said earlier, realizing that some things were worth waiting for.
'Are you finally going to kiss me?' he said playfully, and kissed the top of my head.
'No...' I said, skeptical of my own decision.
'You want to though. It's so obvious,' he pointed out. I pushed away from him, and stuck my tongue out.
'Oh the many joys that tongue will bring one day,' He said, and winked. I clapped a hand over my mouth and blushed. I turned around and took short quick steps towards the closet, finding it difficult to take normal strides with a major hardon.
'And you bring many joys to my life as is,' He mumbled behind me. I turned around with a pair of shorts in hand and pained expression on my face.
'Ray, do you know how difficult this is?' I growled, dragging my hand down my face.
'Good, we're on the same level,' He smiled, and slipped on a pair of shorts.
'I'm not saying anything to make you want to though!' I said, bending over and pulling up my shorts.
'Yes you are,' he said, walking over and adjusting my shorts on my hips.
'Your eyes say it all.' He said softly, and planted a soft kiss on my forehead. He then turned around and began fiddling with some weight machine while I stood there red and dumbfounded. I began walking, but stumbled past Ray and tripped over a weight, causing me to wince in pain as I prepared for a fall. The fall never came though, because Ray caught me.
'Easy,' he chuckled, and brought me into his arms. I decided to break my little challenge, and attempted to kiss him, only to have him pull away. He then set me right back up on my feet, and sat down on a machine. I stared at him, my mouth hanging slightly ajar. He looked towards my direction, and smiled at me.
'You're going to have to work for this,' He said flexing his muscles. I knew he was mocking me, and no way was I going to let him do all the mocking.
'Challenge accepted,' I said, doing a bad imitation of his voice and rushed over to the treadmill. I stepped on it, ignoring his laughter, turned it on to a good speed, and ran. I didn't lift weights too often, hell I didn't even work out that much, but whenever I did, I focused mainly on just running. All my life I walked, or ran to places that I needed to go, so I was rather use to it. Weights were a different story though. Sure, usually people might believe that if you're bullied or abused, you would hit the gym and bulk up on muscle just to fight back. I however, had a different mindset. I didn't like fighting, and I didn't like being hit, so what was the point? Treat others as you would like people to treat you. Now yes, there were many flaws in what I believed, but I held fast to it because I knew that if I was kind some someone, they might be kind to me. I held on to this belief so dearly because of hope. There was always some little flicker of hope that if I was nice to someone, they would be kind and talk to me, or even just say hi when they're passing by. This didn't happen so often, usually because no one bothered to talk to me much. But when I did, I would think that maybe, just maybe if I see them they might toss a little wave my way one day. This never happened though, and in the end I just sit there, losing hope once more. Besides, fighting wasn't even a good option anyway. There were so many consequences to it. If you throw a punch, that will just flare up their adrenaline and cause them to punch harder. If you fight back, it'll just make people hit you longer. If you fight back, it'll just give them more of a reason to hit you once they know they could overpower you. It was all a matter of knowing when you need to fight back, and when you just need to take the punches. I never fought back against my dad, run yes, hide, sometimes, but I never punched him. I stared blankly at the wall in front of me as I thought, my jaw clenched as tight as possible as I pressed the button to increase the speed. I didn't want to know what happens when I fight back.
While running, I could see from the corner of my eye that Ray was watching, roaming across my slender body in motion. I must say, this shirt was rather nice. Not only was it Ray's, but it just made me feel, well...slimmer. It wasn't that I felt fat, it was just that it made me feel sleeker and smoother in some strange way. I guess this was what Ray meant when it said it gave him confidence. Maybe that was the reason why it gave me confidence. Because it gave Ray confidence, and it was like he was giving some of his confidence to me, by letting me wear something that held such sentimental value to him. Just knowing that he once had self esteem issues like me, made me feel more comfortable and at home with him. It brought me closer as another barrier crumbled before my feet, allowing me to step forward and closer to Ray, till one day, there would be nothing that separated us, nor would I no longer feel inferior in any way to him.
By the time I was running, my legs were beginning to ache and plead for rest. The only problem was, I couldn't stop. I didn't work out with Ray often due to the fact he usually did it in the wee hours of the morning while I'm still curled up in bed thinking he was still next to me.I couldn't stop because I had this little drive in my head that was triggered by his longing stares at me while I'm working out, and it fed voraciously off of it once I took the image into my head. Everytime I wanted to impress him, to workout till my body was worn out and my limbs refused to support me any longer and to achieve the feeling of accomplishment when I'm drenched in sweat. I had no control over it, it was practically automatic for me. Once I begin, I couldn't stop until my body was forced to. Was it unhealthy, possibly, but I didn't workout often due to the fact I managed to stay thin no matter what. I detected movement and saw that Ray was moving to a little contraption in front of me. He stood there for a moment, and gazed of his shoulder and smiled at me for a second before turning his attention back to the machine. I stared at his broad shoulders, his trimmed waist, his sculpted butt, and his powerful legs. I pushed the machine and forced myself to slow down when my heart began beating faster than it already was and my breath became short rasps. I finally set it to stop, and bent over, gasping for air while taking quick glances at Ray while he bent over and pulled a knob and slid it into a little hole that held the weights together. The next sight did not help. He stood up and began slowly peeling off his shirt, revealing his bronze skin that writhed with life as he used his many muscles to take the skin tight fabric off. I stood up and turned around to lean against the railing while biting my lower lip. The image of him was still stuck in my head, and I was starting to get a ragin hardon. I took a quick glance over my shoulder just in time to see him pull down the bar all the way down to his shoulders. This one little movement caused an orchestra of muscles to tightened and bulge under his glistening skin. I turned my head back and stared at the wall in front of me and tried to take slow breaths in sad attempt to calm my body down.
After a few minutes, I was finally able to walk freely without an extra limb jutting out. My body was tired, but it wasn't tired enough. I wanted to do something, to try something new. My eyes fell on a barbell that I've seen Ray use many times. I walked over it, and tried to give it a lift with one arm. It didn't even move! I lookedat Ray, and saw that he was still focused on his workout. Too focused to notice my sad attempt at lifting this thing. I placed both hands on the bar, and strained ever muscle in my body as it slowly rose inn my hands. It was barely rising, and I semi dropped it, causing it to clang. I cut my eyes to Ray, and saw that he was still focused on working out. I stared at the bar, getting a bit irritated by the fact I couldn't lift it. Was I that weak? I cracked my knuckles, placed my hands on it, and braced myself as I took a deep breath and lifted. It rose slowly in my hands as I took short breaths, my arms screaming in pain and pleasure at the same time as I saw progress in height. I was doing somewhat great. Great until I felt Ray's warm body behind me as he reached past me and steadied the bar in my hands. I felt myself grow stiff from his presence.
'Nice and slow babe,' He chuckled, his warm breath drifting across my neck as his muscky scent filled my nose. Already tired from running earlier, I felt my body body grow weak as the bar suddenly gained a tremendous amount of weight in my arms. As the weight fell, I lurched foreward along with Ray as he bent foreward to catch it, while my ass jutted back against his crotch.
'I like this...' He growled in my ear while I panted and and shuddered, partially from fatigue, and the other was in response to his immediate reaction that pressed against my butt. He effortlessly lifted the bar back up and straighted both of us out before placing it back on the rack. I leaned back against his chest, panting . He hooked his arms under my armpits, and lifted me up and rested his chin at the crook of my neck.
'You alright?' He asked with a little laugh. I nodded, and stepped forward away from Ray. I took a few wobbly steps before Ray came up and held me by my waist.
'You push yourself too hard, you know that?' He said with a frown. I nodded again and hid a smile feeling a bit embaressed. I felt him thumbing the adges of that spandex shirt I was wearing, lifting it slightly before sliding his entire hand under it.
'I really love how this fits you. You looked great...well..I mean even better working out,' He cooed, and lifted it slightly to expose my stomach. I suppressed a laugh when the image of Ray staring at me while running flashed in my mind.
'You always look great working out, shirt or no shirt,' I said weakly, letting my head hang down.
'I know, I saw you watching,' and he hefted me into his arms. I allowed my body to go limp as he carried my tired body up the stairs and into the bright bathroom, where he sat me on toip of the counter top andstarted filling the tub.
'Why do you push yourself so hard? Even I know my limits,' He asked walking towards me, every muscle going into motion. I lifted my head slightly and smiled.
'Because I wanna feel good,' He gave me a puzzled look and held my hand.
'I don't follow,' He frowned. I shook my head and sat up straight.
'I'm just after that feeling of accomplishment.'
'Babe,' he said giving me a look./ I couldn't help but smile and pat his chest.
'You and I get it in different ways/. You know you look good,' and I paused turned my head and gazed at my reflection over my shoulder.
'I on the other hand, question it everyday,' I said, and continued to stare at my reflection. I felt Ray grab my chin and turn my head swiftly so I was facing him.
'Levi...really? Still?' he said with a look of concern. I nodded and pulled my head away from his hands.
'I can't help it...' I said softly staring out our hands. He took my face into his hand once more and tilted it back up.
'Levi, this has got to stop.' He sighed, and rested his forehead.
'I know...' and I placed my hand on his cheek. 'I'm sorry,' I said and rubbed my thumb against the stumble, feeling the rough hairs bushing across it.
'I knew that it was going to be hard convincing you that you're beautiful...' He mumbled, raised his hand up to mine. He then pulled my hand off his face, but continued to hold it while he stood up straight.
'But lets just say, challenge accepted.' He smiled and squeezed my hand. I looked up at him, and took his other hand into mine.
'Thank you...' I rasped and then things got silent for a few beats. I then felt Ray move foreward, spreading my legs as he leaned in close.
'Have I worked hard enough for a kiss yet?' He asked in a low voice. I laughed, and wrapped my arms around his neck.
'More than you can imagine.' And I pressed my lips against his. He placed his hand on my waist as I tiled my head and allowed him to kiss along my jawline till he reached my ear.
'You're more beautiful than I can ever image, and one day, I will show you,' He whispered, and kissed my cheek. I felt my heart skipped and beat, and I tightened my arms around his neck.
'That day will come soon, I promise...' I whispered back, and used a hand to wipe a tear away. What have I done, what have I accomplished in my lifetime to have such a wonderful person to whisper such sweet things? I wanted to know, but it didn't really matter at the moment. He was the answer to all my years of prayer.
' God this feels good,' He said once he lowered himself into the hot water. I nodded and leaned my head back against his chest. I sat there between his legs and closed my eyes, allowing the hot water to relax my muscles.
'You really shouldn't do weights,' he chuckled and rested his arms along the edges of the tub.
'I know,' I said with my eyes still closed. I was too relaxed at the moment to get fired up over anything.
'Though you did look adorable trying to lift 60 pounds,' he said, his laughter booming in the bathroom. I felt my eyes shoot wide open as I lifted myself a little, using his chest to support myself, and stared at him with my jaw dropping a little.
'What?!' I shouted, my voice squeaking a little. He shook his head, still laughing.
'Levi, that was only 60 pounds, and you looked adorable just trying to lift it!'
'You're joking right?' I said leaning in a little in anticipation for him to say yes.
'Nope. It was 60 pounds. Six, zero, sixty pounds,' He said forming the numbers with his hands. I blew out an exasperated sigh and fell back onto his chest, splashing thee water a little.
'I can't believe it...'
'You're good at running though,' he said trying to dull the shock a bit.
'Whatever. It's not like I'm going to liftanything besides groceries and such.' I muttered, and closed my eyes while trying to relax again.
'And my dick,' Ray added in with a chukle. I smiled, and rose up to peck him on the lips.
'I'll be lifting that quite often,' I giggled, and he kissed my neck.
'I'm hoping several times a day,' he growled, and I could feel his cock beginning to grow under me.
'We'll see,' I sighed, and layed back down on his chest. 'One day...' I mumbled, and closed my eyes, and began dozing off.
I later woke to the feeling Of Ray shifting underneath me as he began lifting me out of the water. I stirred a bit in his arms, and opened my eyes.
'We gotta shower, then you can sleep,' he said with a warm smile, and kissed my forhead. I yawned and reasted my head against his chest as he carried me into the shower, and balanced me with one arm and a knee while he turned the shower on. I jumped a bit when I felt the cold water impact with my skin, but it warmed up soon, and Ray settled me on my feet. I continued to read my head against Ray's chest while he leaned against the shower wall and hugged me.
'You're tired aren't you?' he mumbled, and rested his chin on the top of my head. I nodded, and yawned.
'Feeling a bit fatigued,' I breathed out, and stepped back a little and began playing with his wet hair.
'Like I said, you push yourself too hard, Levi,' he laughed and stood with me. I poured some shampoo into my hand, and lathered up his hair.
'And you don't?' I questioned, and gave his hair a little tug. He winced a little, and poured some into his hand and began lathering up my hair as well.
'Yeah, but once again, like I said, I know my limits,' he chukled, and twisted my hair in his fingers. I smiled and shook my head, and stuck my hair under the water and allowed the soap to wash down my body.
'I'm just loving this,' he snickered, and placed his hands on my wait. I opened one eye, and then closed it again.
'How you are not tired, I'll never know,' I muttered. I felt him gently push me out of the water and against the wall.
'How can I be tired when I have this sexy guy here?' He breath out, and gently pinched my nipple. This got a rise out of me, and an involuntary moan escaped from my lips.
'Glad to know your body is still functioning alright,' he chukled, glancing down at my rising meat. I bit my lower lip, and reached down to roll his balls in my hand.
'Obviously yours is working, rain or shine,' I giggled, and brushed light kiss. He reached down, and pressed my hand against his growing dick.
'For you? Always,' he growled, and reached to the side to grab the body wash.
'Another thing I enjoy in here,' he sighed,, and held this little mountain of gel in his hands.
'I get to get you nice and clean...everywhere,' and he began spreading it across my chest. His slightly callused hand brushed scross my skin, and I felt a wave of heat that shot down south and caused my dick to throb.
'You're not the only one,' I moaned, and took some in my hand and began sliding my hands across his body, he brought my closer, and slid his hands down to my butt.
'Waonder how this is going to be after we have sex,' he said squeezing my ass with a frown. I bit my lower lip and blushed.
'I don't wanna know,' I giggled, and then he gntly bit down my my neck before sliding his finger down my crack.
'I think you do...' he mumbled, and grazed past my hole. I felt myself shiver, and my hole twitched in response.
'Careful, I don't want us to get all dirty again,' he chukled, and brushed past it once more. I groaned and pressed my body up against his, feeling his bare, slippery muscles against my body.
'Then stop it...' I breathed out.
'Do you want me to?' He asked, and nipped my ear. I lied, and nodded yes. He removed his finger, and slid it across my throbbing member instead.
'You're so damn tempting, I can't help myself,' he said, and continued to caress my body. I bit down on my lower lip hard, trying to resist masturbating right there in front of him. Instead of touching myself, I reached down and began stroking him.
'babe...' he grunted, and I flet my hand become slicker as a little jet of precum shot into my hand./
'Yes?' I said softly and continued to stroke him. He groaned and thrusted in my hand, giving me motivation to stroke faster.
'Babe...stop-stop stop,' he cautioned, and grabbed my hand. I felt a devilish grin creep into my lips. The way his dick was throbbing, and his balls had retracted slightly, I could tell I had him on edge.
'I'm really, REALLY, close' he gasped. I decided to take mercy, and released him.
'You're just so tempting, Ray' I cooed, and kissed his chin. He sighed, and ran his face through his wet hair.
'We shouldn't be allowed tot ouch each other,' he joked, and I pressed my hands against his pecs.
'And yet we continue to.' And I kissed him.
It just goes to show how much self control we have,' he chukled, and kissed me back. I felt him touch the tip of my tongue for a second, before pulling his lips from mine.
'Just don't expect me to hold back later on,' he said playfully, and took us both under the streams of wat/er.
'I don't want you to,' I teased back, and we showered until his dick went down...which took a while.
A few hours later, me and Ray groaned in unison as Ray's cellphone chirped from the bedside table. I snuggled into the coveres as he reached over me, and answered it.
'Hello?...' he said groggily. I sighed and resumed my comfortable curled up position. I wonder who it was.
'Oh, hey Tommy,' he said and sat up in bed. The name rang a bell, and I had him pinned in my mind as one of my tormentors. I hated him with a passion, but I didn't care that Ray was friends with him. I didn't expect him to drop the people he was friends with before me just like that. If he did, he'd probably have barely a handful left.
'Uh huh...' he said getting out of bed and walking into the next room. I my eyes followed Ray who was only in his briefs. After he was gone, I nestled back into the covers, and closed my eyes. It must be something personal.
I was just about to go to sleep When Ray jumped into bed and roughly gathered me into his arms and kissed my cheek.
'Going back to sleep?' he laughed while I groaned and wriggled in his arms. I nodded and pressed my face into the pillow.
'Too bad. I gotta ask you something,' he said, and buried his nose into my hair.
'Can I go to a party tonight?' He with an ounce of hesitation evident in his voice. I lifted my head, and turned it so I was facing him.
'What? Really?' I said rising a little.
'Well...I don't have to,'
'No no no no no, 'and I sat up and placed a pillow in my lap.
'What am I, your mother? You don't have to ask!' I laughed, and patted his cheek with my hand.
'I just wanted to see if you were ok with it.' He said defensively. I leaned down, and kissed him.
'If you want to go, go. Have fun! I don't want you to end your normal life just for me!'
'Well...I've been turning down parties left and right since we've been dating,' he said rubbing the back of his neck. I pursed my lips, and began fixing his hair.
'Why didn't you just ask? I would've been fine with it,' I told him, frowning. I felt bad knowing that he might've wanted to go to a party really bad, but I was in the way. No wonder he hasn't been going out. I would think that someone like him would be invited to every party there is!
'Because I wanted to spend more time with you babe,' he explained, and pulled me back down into the bed. He kissed me on the cheek, and threw a leg over me.
'Sweet as you are, I don't want you to derail your whole life just for me,' I said and rubbed my face into his chest.
'Ah I needed a break anyway. I went to a party several times a week, and it got tiring after a while.' He said and blew out a puff of air. I snuggled into him, and allowed his limbs to tighten around me.
'As long as you don't drink, I'm happy,' I said, and rubbed my cheek against his warm skin.
'They usually serve drinks, but I tend to avoid them,' he sighed, and squeezed me.
'When is it?' I asked after a few moments.
'Tonight, about 6,' he replied. I gazed past the clock, and saw that was an hour away.
'What are you still doing in bed? Get your butt up and put on some clothes!' I laughed, playfully pushing him.
'Which brings me to my next point, why are you completely clothed?' he said rolled over so he had me pinned down. I thought for a moment, and attempted to shrug.
'My clothes are comfy?' I said questioningly. He laughed and shook his head before lifting my shirt up.
'Aren't you supposed to be putting clothes on?' I laughed as he wiggled his fingers across my skin.
'The clock is ticking!!!'
'Can't I have a little fun before?' He whined, and then snapped the waistband on my pajama pants.
'How about I trade a kiss for my release?' I offered. He bent down, the muscles in his arms flexing as he neared my face.
'Do I ever need to trade anything to kiss you babe?' and he kissed my nose. I closed my eyes and did a mental head slap.
'No...' I said pouting. He grinned, and pecked me on the lips before letting me go. I sat up and watched as he ambled towards his closet and stepped inside under the fluorescent light. He took out a pair of jeans, and slid snugly into him. Next he selected a navy blue button down; leaving the first two buttons popped open to reveal a portion of his chest.
'How do I look?' He asked rolling up his sleeves. I stared at him with eyes, clenching my jaw to stop myself from smiling too wide.
'Fine,' I said trying to sound calm, and flopped back in bed. I heard him chuckle, and he climbed onto be and hovered over me.
'Just fine?' He hissed. I nestled deeper into the covers and curled up.
'Yup,' I mumbled.
'Which do you prefer then?' He said pulling back the blanket to reveal my neck.
'Me with,' he said and kissed it. 'Or without clothes?' he said smoothly, and bit down. I shifted under the blanket and notice that the temperature under the covers had shot up to sweltering temperatures. I heard his low, soft laughs as he kissed his way to my ear.
'Why so quiet...babe?' and he flicked his tongue in my ear. I bit down on my lower lip, and I felt a cool gust of relief as he pulled back the covers.
'That explains it...' he mumbled, and kissed my cheek while reaching over and touched my hardon. I whimpered and uncurled as he placed a hand on my shoulder and rolled me over onto my back.
'Well?...' he mumbled, and kissed my lips. I kissed back and felt my fingers graze the portion of his chest.
'You know...I might have to take a rain check on that party...' he said, and bit my lower lip. I let out a low moan and reached up and fingered a button.
'Then again...it's been a while. And I'm dressed already,' he said springing up and grabbing his phone off the nightstand. I let out a groan of annoyance, and sat up playfully glaring at him.
'Wish you can come with...' he said returning from the closet with a silver wristwatch, frowning. I rested my chin in my hands, and shrugged.
'Well, seeing that I'm not invited due to my social status.'
'I wish it didn't have to be like that,' he sighed, and sat at the edge of the bed. I crawled next to him, and watched him slip on some socks.
'Don't think too much about it. I'm use to it!' I said, and he cut his eyes to me.
'I've never even been to a party. I wouldn't know what to do even if I was allowed.' I stammered, and tugged on his sleeve. He dropped his head back to his feet, and ran his fingers through his hair.
'Use to it or not, I don't like them treating you like that!' he said, and stood up and walked back into the closet. He returned with a pair of black shoes, and sat back down.
'I have to worry so much about what they could be doing while I'm not around with you, and you know what? It kills me knowing that they might be hurting you and I'm not there to even protect you,' he grumbled, tugging on his shoes roughly. I felt myself become a little cautious as I felt his anger rising.
'It's not so bad Ray, really! They haven't been doing it as much since...you know...you helped me.' I said softly a apprehensively placed a hand on his shoulder. He turned his head in my direction.
'Really?' He asked. I nodded, and placed my other hand on his lower arm.
'Of course!' I said and squeezed his shoulder 'Ray, you don't have to worry so much about me. It's not all as bad as it seems. I'm still alive, and I haven't been to the hospital because of them, so it's ok!'
'Not yet that is,' he muttered, and wrapped my hands with his own. I sighed and looked in the other direction. Am I helping the situation at all?
'I'm just worried Levi. And the way you perceive that this isn't serious kinda bothers me,' and he drew me into him.
'It's ok Ray...' I mumbled.
'It's not ok!' he said and he squeezed me to the point it became a little difficult to breathe. 'I don't like it when they dare lay a finger on you to hurt you,'
'Stop saying that!' he shouted and released me, pushing me back a little in the process . I clamped my mouth shut and pursed my lips as he paced back and forth across the floor. He whipped around and gave me a hard stare.
'None of this is fine! Not the pushing, the punching, the words, none of it is fucking fine. He hissed through clenched teeth.'You expect me to brush it off just like that a believe you?! HUH?!' He shouted his eyes flaring with anger. I cringed back and gritted my teeth as a sudden wave of fear enveloped me.
'Well guess what, I don't, at all! I've seen it, hell I felt it! The times you cried afterschool because of it, I felt it! I've felt those tears, and I've felt your pain, because whatever hurts you, fucking hurts me!' he roared ramming his finger against his chest. I sat there and stared at him as I felt my hands ball into fists under the sheets. My nails digging into the flesh of my palm as I sat there with my teeth sinking into my lower lip till I began tasting the first fleck of blood from it. I could feel the moisture in my eyes accumulating as a sob slowly rose up in my chest and crushed my lungs. My body, stiff and rigid as every muscle tensed in my attempt to prevent any form of rising motion from escaping my body. However, they were futile, and a tear slipped down my cheek and landed on the sheets with a soft plop. He stared at me, and suddenly the anger fell away from his face, and was replaced with a look of shock and disbelief.
'Oh god...Oh shit...shit...' he breathed out, breathing rapidly. He rubbed his hands against his face while I continued to stare at him, feeling the tears slide down my cheeks as I continued my useless efforts to control my tears. My hands were screaming in pain, and the taste of iron was becoming more and more profound in my mouth.
'Levi...Oh god Levi...' he said and stepped towards me. I felt myself cringe as an image of my dad hitting me flashed in my mind.
'Levi...' he said gently, and placed a hand on my shoulder. I opened my glistening eyes and gazed up at him, taking sharp and deep breaths as I felt more tears coming. He quickly jerked me into a tight hug, and rocked me back and forth while every muscle in my body relaxed and I went limp in his arms. I allowed the tears to finally escape, along with my muffled sobs as I cried into his chest.
'Oh god Levi...I'm sorry sorry...' he rasped, and hugged me tighter. I pressed myself deeper into his chest, desperate to feel his warmth as love at this moment. This was the first time he ever yelled at me since we were together, and it was such a shock. I knew it would've happened eventually, but God I didn't expect this. I didn't expect the feeling of fear and panic that would immerse me once it happened. It became so overwhelming, so surprising to my mind that it felt like a punch to my mental gut. Tears continued to spring to my eyes, and Ray continued to apologize over and over again.
'Levi...please...I'm sorry...' he pleaded. I hiccupped and curled up in his arms. He kissed the top of my head and apologized again.
'It's...fine...' I hiccupped and gasped for air.
'No...it's not...he said softly. I tried to pull away, but he held me tightly against his chest.
'I didn't mean to yell at you...' he said quickly.
'Emotions get the best of us...' I said and gently patted his chest. He took a deep breath, and dragged out a sigh.
'God I feel so terrible. I never thought I would make you cry,' he said with disbelief. I slid out from under him, and wiped my eyes with my sleeve.
'I cry to much as is, you should be use to it,' I explained and dabbed my eyes. I felt him take my hand and pull it towards him so he could hold it.
'But the problem is that they're not tears of joy,' He pointed out, and thumbed the corner of my lip. I sniffled, and mustered up a weak smile.
'At least I know this isn't a dream.'
'What?' He said, cocking his eyebrow. I laughed softly and shook my head while tilting it down.
'Well...things up until now was all well...just this odd constant happiness. No conflict, between us, not even a little.' I lifted my head up and looked at him. 'It just felt so unreal sometimes. It felt so unnatural to be this happy' And I squeezed his hand. He nodded, and moved over so that he was closer to me.
'I can see what you're saying. It would be a bit odd if we never argued or anything,' he chuckled and took a glance at his lap before returning his eyes to mine.
'Well I guess this wasn't an argument. You didn't yell back.' And he frowned. 'I'm sorry,' I smiled and rested my forehead against his shoulder.
'Ray really. It's fine! You have nothing to apologize for.'
'No Ray. No buts. If you feel angry well...go ahead and show it. If you're happy, smile! Whether you're sad, happy, tired, lazy, irritated, I don't care express all your emotions!' and I looked up at his face.
'For gods sakes Ray show them all.' I said pressing my palm against one cheek and kissing the other. 'I can't handle loving a rock Ray. I need a human. I need you,' I whispered in his ear. He wrapped his arms around me, and fell back and pulled me on top of him.
'But I don't want to hurt you...' he said when I rested my head on his chest.
'But I don't want you to hurt yourself. I want you to show you.'
'I rather hurt myself than hurt you. At least then I can control it.'
'There are some things you can't control Ray, and this is one of those things. You may think you have control, but you'll just be a slave to your own emotions if you don't let them free.' I paused, and began curling up again.
'Trust me...I know. And you know it to.' I felt Ray roll over to his side, and wrapped a leg around the lower half of my body.
'I don't hold anything back with you anyways....well except for some things' And he with a sly smile and brought his hand to my face.
'And I can guarantee you that all this, is one hundred and ten percent real,' he said brought my face to his. Our lips met and I slid closer to him, pressing my hands against his chest and feeling the damp cloth beneath my fingers. He ran his hand along my cheek and then sifted my hair between his fingers, keeping his lips on mine and only parting them to slide his tongue inside my mouth. I kissed back and traced the edges of his collarbone with my fingertip until I reached his shoulder, and squeezed it. His hand moved from the top to the back of my head, where he pushed me head forward, further intensifying our kiss. I pulled away and rested my cheek on his, and he proceeded to kiss my neck hug me tighter.
'I love you Levi,' he mumbled, and kissed up my neck. 'and I hope you remember that no matter what emotion I express, I will always love you,' he whispered in my , and kissed me cheek. I nodded and kissed his cheek as well before returning my lips to his.
'Always,' I breathed out, and I proceeded to tenderly kiss Ray.
Ray finished getting ready and as he was standing in front of the mirror doing a last minute check, I walked over and hugged him.
'You look great' I said staring at our reflection. He grinned and wrapped an around my shoulder.
'We look great,' he said and faced me to kiss the top of my head.
'I'm not even dressed up!' I protested, and fixed his collar a bit. Thankfully, his shirt had dried within a few minutes.
'You don't have to be dressed up to look great.'
'That implies for you as well,' I giggled and leaned in to inhale his intoxicating scent. He had sprayed on his mysterious cologne that I have yet to see.
'Babe...' he said gently, and hugged me. I took my nose off his chest, and gazed up at him.
'I love you,' and he grinned and pecked me on the lips. I smiled back and buried my face into his chest, hugging him tightly and suppressing a laugh.
'You're so adorable,' he cooed, and tugged my hair. We walked out of the bathroom, downstairs, and to the door.
'You sure you're ok?' He asked, his voice filled with worry as he took his keys off the hook. I walked up to him and hugged him.
'I'm fine Ray, go have fun' I reassured, and patted him on the chest. He blew out a sigh, and then placed a hand on the back of my head so he could tilted me forward and kiss my forehead before he kissed me. Whenever he kissed me on the forhead, I felt a strange twinge in the back of my mind, like something changing. I had the though that whenever Ray kissed me on the forehead, yes I felt a bit little, but in a good way. I felt protected. Since I felt more protected, my mind allowed its guard to lower just a fraction of a millimeter, which was very small, but it was progress to me all the same.
'Stay safe. If you need anything call me, I'll come home right away.' He said softly. He kissed me again, and his lips lingered on mine until I reluctantly pulled away and tapped on my wrist.
'Ray, you're late already. Go! Go on and have fun!' I laughed and pushed him towards the door. He laughed with me and pulled on my cheek.
'I rather have fun with you,' he growled and opened the door. I blushed and waved as he stepped outside.
'I love you!' He called back, and waited with the hand on the knob.
'I love you too. Drive safe.' I told him softly. He smiled, and blew me a kiss and then closed the door. I stood at the door, and waited while he locked the door from the outside, and started his car. He revved the engine a few times before pulling out of the driveway and speeding off into the night. I sighed, and turned around, taking a few slow steps while looking all over the house. God did this place get bigger or was I just not paying attention.
'Kinda scary...' I said to myself. I shrugged, and then walked back up the stairs and back to Ray's room. He left the closet door open, and when I peeked inside, I saw a monster pile of dirty laundry spilling out from the hamper. I heard myself suck in some air, and then counted the weeks since the last time I did laundry. I gazed at my own clothes, then at the pile, then back at my own. How the hell do I still have clean laundry? I stood there for a few beats, trying to think of all the reasons of how I managed to still have clean clothes to wear when it had been 4 weeks since I did laundry. Finally it clicked. I slapped my forehead with the palm of my hand. I barely wore clothes since I came here, duh! I laughed softly and blushed at the memories of Ray's flirtatious gestures and groping as I began hefting the basket, ignoring the ones that feel to the floor. Those would have to wait. I carried the basket with some difficulty, seeing that it was overflowing and such. I gingerly stepped down the steps, making sure to not miss one. The last thing I needed was to be found dead covered in various undergarments. After I successfully carried it downstairs. I quickly walked towards the door to the laundry room, which was conveniently located at the end of the kitchen. I opened the door, and flicked on the light and set to doing laundry, smiling every time I found one of Ray's underwear.
After the long and tedious task of sorting laundry out, I threw them into the machine and then stepped out of the room into the kitchen. I noticed that my throat felt a bit raw from crying earlier, so I went to the cabinet and selected a glass. I stood at the sink and began filling it with filtered water, and raised it to eye level to look at it. I felt myself grin while I brought the glass to my lips and took a long draft from it. All of the sudden, the phone rang. I jumped and fumbled the half empty glass in my hand while my heart shifted out of place. Luckily, no water spilled and I stood up straight and began walking towards the phone with an outstretched hand. I stopped myself halfway there, and thought. No one knew I was living here. No one knew I was even here! I took a few steps back, and leaned back against the counter and took a few small sips of my water before tilting my head back and took a long drink from the tall glass. The cold water flowed smoothly down my throat, giving it the feeling of euphoria as the ice cold liquid drenched the desert that my throat had become. The phone continued to ring, and I refilled my glass, and leaned back against the counter again and took another long drink. While letting the delicious water trickle down my throat, wondering who it was. I heard it go to the answering machine, and I took a breath before drinking some more. I was really thirsty. I heard a bit of small chatter in the background, and then it went silent. I thought the person had hung up, but all of the sudden a light, airy, classy, motherly voice flowed out from the machine. I felt my eyes snap open the moment I heard it.
'Raymond, its mom, are you out?'