I wonder what we're doing today...
"So...we gotta go out and go grocery shopping..." he said swaying me back and forth. I felt eyebrows ascend slightly, and a little grin came to my face.
"Funny thing, I was just thinking that we needed to get more groceries. I asked. He chuckled and ruffled my hair, and led me out the kitchen.
"Because New Years is coming up!" he sang and swung me around. He pulled me close to him and nuzzled my neck, planting light kisses up towards my lips till we were facing each other.
"And I'm more than happy to have you here with us for New Years..." he said softly. I giggled and pecked him on the lips.
"Who's gonna be here?" I asked, slightly concerned. I wasn't sure if it would be a big party or just something that was like christmas where it was just the people that knew about Ray and I. Hopefully it would just be like that, but it might be nice to have a big bash. I just wasn't sure how things would go is all. I wasn't even sure how I would react if alcohol was present....
"Well the usual people of course...and then some." he said and shrugged. I knitted my eyebrows together and tried to not express my worry, but it was clear that he could see it. He pursed his lips, and I turned away feeling a little guilty that he could see that I was worried.
"Baby, don't worry alright? I promise that these will be people that you'll love." he said rubbing my shoulders. I glanced up at his face and fixed my attention back to our feet again. I was thinking parties, drinking, breaking...bad things that weren't suppose to be thought ever yet I still thought about them. I heard him sigh and he picked me up and settled on the sectional with me in his lap. He kissed my cheek and rubbed my back in attempt to soothe me. It helped me some but I felt a mass of anxiety rising in my mind. Stop it Levi...don't be such a buzzkill...
And then I heard it again....
It creased back it's thin twisted lips into a malevolent smile filled with long crooked teeth.
"Don't be such a burden..."
And I snapped out of it. I shook my head and gritted my teeth. I won't listen to it. It's locked away. It can't hurt me...it can't hurt me...
"Levi?" he said softly. I turned to him and managed a tight smile. He pulled me into his chest and slowly ran his hand up and down my back, hushing me and slowing my heartbeat. I had to realize that not all people were bad. I had to realize that the presence of alcohol does not always serve as the harbringer of pain and destruction. I had to realize a lot of things in order to move on. I had to realize that I couldn't always run and hide from the things that I didn't want to see.
"Don't worry alright? It's just a little party is all, nothing big and wild." he said with a grin. I nodded and he ruffled my hair. "You gotta stop worrying so much about these things Levi. Trust me, I wouldn't put you in any danger."
"Well you did throw me in the pool that one time..." I joked. He rolled his eyes.
"Babe, really. Come on. I could save you with my foot."
"I'm not that light!" I shot at him. He grinned and lifted me in the air above him.
"Yes you are." he chuckled. He carried me up the stairs and into his room and laid me down. I caught a gleam of the watch and a small smile crept to my lips. It made me happy to see him still wearing it.
"Arent't we suppose to be going somewhere?" I asked as he nuzzled my neck.
"Shh, shut up. I just wanna lay down with you." he mumbled. I scowled and batted him on the head with the palm of my hand.
"I swear I'm going to have to invest in a squirt bottle with you." I teased.
"You already have one baby," he said and winked. I blushed and yanked his nose.
"Was that suppose to hurt?" he asked raising an eyebrow. I narrowed my eyes and wiggled under him.
"Damn it Ray! You're so condescending sometimes!" I groaned. He pinned my arms down on the bed and gave me a tender kiss.
"Only because you're so small and cute. I can't help but say these things to you baby." he chuckled. I stopped moving and stared up at his massive frame. Oh how I wanted him to take me at that moment. How much I wanted to feel him. When would I be able to accept him into my body? When would the time come where I allowed the most intimate moment between us to finally occur? So many questions, but so few answers. All I can do is be patient, but my patience was already being tested.
"Babe, you alright?" He asked. I snapped out of my train of thought and nodded. He kissed me on the cheek and rolled off.
"Come on, lets get dressed." He said over his shoulder. I followed him into the closet and went to the small section where I hung my clothes. I took my shirt and pants off, and I felt him come up from me from behind.
"I love you." he said softly. I lowered my eyes to the ground and felt a flutter in my stomach.
"I love you too Ray." I asked softly. We stayed that way for a while. During that time I felt as though something was wrong but I didn't qustion it. I felt like he wouldn't have told me regardless of what I asked. IF there was something wrong, He wouldn't always let me know as to what he usually told me. There was a secret that he didn't want me to know. I wasn't sure whether or not I was ok with it but once again patience was important in this case. That was all I could ever do. Just wait.
While was deciding what to wear I heard his cellphone chirp and he picked it up immediately.
"Hey Rosaline, what's up?" He inquired. I mindlessly shift back and forth through shirts and waited while he finished up his phone call outside the closet. When he came back in I felt him behind me again. This time I felt his hardening cock pressed against my butt, causing a similar reaction for myself.
"Baby..." he sang in my ear and gently bit down on it. I blushed and pushed my butt back against his cock without thinking.
"What?" I whimpered.
"Looks like we don't have to do shopping, meaning you and I have all day to ourselves..." he breathed and kissed his way down my neck. I felt myself turning red when he swiveled me around and blew out a whistle while eyeing me up and down.
"You have no idea how cute you look right now." he crooned and licked my nipple. I cried out and held his head while he circled each of them and rubbed my bulge and hole with his hands.
"Ray...stop..." I moaned. He rose up and kissed me against the wall.
"Trust me baby, this is me being on my best behavior." he said lowering his briefs and exposing his massive dick. I reached down and stroked it, receiving a palmfull of precum in the process.
"Shit babe....that feels really good..." he groaned. I kept stroking him, twisting my hand around the shaft while lowering myself to my knees. I rubbed his cock against my face and smeared his precum on my cheek. He grabbed my head and took control of his dick, rubbing it across my lips stroking it fast. I stuck my tongue out and flicked the slit, tasting the sweet sticky substance.
"Fuck baby, I'mg really close..." he moaned. I rolled his balls in my hand and took over. I rubbed my finger tips over the head and pushed my thumb against the slit. Suddenly he grabbed my hand with a firm and almost painful grip, and I looked up to see his face red and his jaw clenched with all the power that those powerful muscles had. He yanked me up and threw me on the bed and pounced on top of me, shedding any clothes on the both of us that remained. He grabbed my oozing cock and pumped it with his fist and he bit down on my neck. I cried out and he shoved his tongue in my mouth and played with my nipples. I squirmed underhim as I felt my climax reaching fast. I didn't want this to stop. I felt my hormones raging throughout me everytime I kissed him back.
"...fuck Ray I'm getting close..." I whimpered. His lips curved into a wicked smile and as fast as it started, it all stopped. He lowered himself on top of me and kissed me tenderly. The thick and heavy atmosphere disappeared and was replaced with something much lighter. He pulled away and chuckled.
"God, how have I not cum because of your quick little hands?"
"Because you stop me everytime you get close!"
"I want the first time we cum together to be special," he reasoned nuzzling my neck. I stroked his head and I felt his hand slide down in between my legs where my hole was. He applied some pressure and I felt a jolt of pleasure shoot through me and my mouth responded according to it. He blew out a sigh and turned us onto our side. He spooned me and he rested his chin on top of my head.
"Hunh...new years...I really didn't expect this...." he said lost in thought.
"What do you mean?" I asked him. There was a pause of silence, and I heard him inhale.
"I didn't expect to spend it with you. I didn't even expect to be home. Usually I go over to Patty's or I celebrate with friends at school because I can't handle being home sometimes. This isn't the first time that they didn't decide to show..."
He gave me a squeeze.
"They weren't around much. So home was the last place I wanted to be when it came to family holidays. Sometimes they would get so lost in work or whatever they were doing that they would even forget to call home. If I could, I would've went with them just so I could see them. They didn't allow that though. I guess they thought I would get in the way."
He sighed and raised himself on an elbow and ran his hand along my smooth torso.
"At least now I have a reason to stay home and enjoy it." He grinned. I turned over and looked up at him. His form was large and broad, something that may bring intimidation to some but all I saw was a gentle giant that wanted to protect and love me. Someone who never wanted to see me cry. Someone who wanted to show me what it was like to have a home. I got up and hugged him, and he hugged me back. It felt so good to be hugged. It felt good to be loved back. So many years I spent reaching for something I thought I could never have, and now I do. What a funny thing. Sometimes I felt so desperate for affection that I thought if I went one moment without it, my world would fall apart. I admit it's dramatic to think like that but could one blame me? Could someone actually find fault in me when I yearned for something that was practically essential to one's mental wellbeing? I hope not...but sometimes I wondered what would happen if Ray stopped showing me so much affection. Would I receive it well, or would I become unhappy and pester him?I hope it never comes to that.
"We could watch a movie if you want..." he suggested softly. I felt my eyes blink from the randomness of that.
"Well...we don't have to," he shrugged. I smiled softly and nodded.
"Sure, I wouldn't mind that." He leapt off the bed with grace that one wouldn't expect from someone so rough and muscular. He went over to his large entertainment center set in his room and rifled through the large collection of DVD's that he had on the shelves. Eventually he pulled out a copy Wall-E and flashed it at me. I raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled sheepishly.
"What? It's cute..." he said. I smiled and he slid it into the DVD player and clicked on the T.V. He hopped onto the bed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder and we just laid there and watched. I had only saw this movie once and watching it again I smiled thinking of back then when I would sit in my room watching random movies to pass the time. When it came to the part where the cute little robot showed his want for someone's hand to hold, I felt Ray reach over and hold my own hand. I looked up at him and met his gaze.
"I'm sure you always wanted to hold someone's hand..." he said softly. I felt tears suddenly well up in my eyes. I did. I wanted to hold my father's hand when I was younger, but he never let me. I wanted to hold someone's hand when I felt lonely, but no one was there. There was never anyone there.
"Hey, come on..." he said and kissed my cheek, "You can hold my hand anytime you want." He said and winked. I leaned into him and wiped my eyes. He gave my hand a squeeze and we watched the story unfold before us. When the movie was finally over, he clicked off the T.V. And laid me down under him. I looked up at him and he gave me a tender kiss. He then reached down and searched for my hand, grasped it, and held it up in front of him and kissed my delicate hand laced within his.
"Anytime Levi, I promise. You will never be alone as long as I'm around." he breathed. I felt my face crumple and I cried and launched myself at him. He held me tight and rubbed my back.
"You're never alone..." he whispered. I cried hard and held him as tight as my body could, I just wanted to be with him for as long as could. I couldn't even bear the thought of ever leaving his side. Loneliness was something I knew all too well, and I never wanted to feel it's frigid entanglements ever again. It was so unbearable sometimes that I would curl up under the covers and hug my pillow in attempt to warm the coldness that gripped my soul. It ate away at me. The isolation. The solitude. The imprisonment within myself. I had no idea how to quell the thirst for affection because at the time there was no source that I could turn to. I just wanted a kiss. A hug. Even a friendly touch. Anything that someone that had any worth to me could provide. Now that I had it, I didn't want to ever go without it. The desire for it ran as heavy as the tears that I would cry daily. The deprivation drove me to the point of screaming. The most basic neccessity for someone so young wasn't given and it took it's toll.
He pulled away and looked at my glistening face before pulling me back into his chest. I felt his heartbeat pounding away at his chest.
"I'm always here," he mumbled. I coughed and shook, digging my fingers into him. His warm hand stroked the back of my head and he increased the pressure of his hand on my head. I heard a faint sob come from him, and we sat there in each other's embrace. Two people that craved for affection now had it, and both never wanted to let go. Our emotions ran so thick through our relationship that sometimes it shocked me knowing that things ran much deeper than they are now. Especially when it came to him.
"Don't ever feel Alone...please..." he breathed and kissed the top of my head. I slowly calmed down till all I could do was whimper. I was so tired from crying so much that I felt my eyes starting to droop leaning against him. My breathing receded to an even pace, and he laxed his arms around me. I pulled away and he grinned and wiped my face. He lowered his face to mine and planter a kiss.
"You're such a mess..." he chuckled. I managed a timid smile and he kissed my forehead.
"A cute mess nonetheless..." he said and lead me into the bathroom. We washed our faces and dried them off, and he lead me back to the bed and laid me down next to him. He threw a leg over and spooned me, which in reality was like covering me considering how much bigger he was than me. Before I finally fell asleep, and whispered in my ear.
"I'll love you, and that will never change."
I woke up and the sunlight that drifted in indicated that it was late in the afternoon, close to sunset. I did my best to sit up, and Ray pushed me back down.
"Don't my little space heater..." he purred. I nestled into his chest gently bit him.
"Hey, you're not suppose to do that," he chuckled and got on top of me. He pushed my face to the side and he gently bit down on my neck. He took small nips and then kissed his way down till he was at my nipple. He flicked at it with his tongue and I let out a soft moan.
"You bite me anymore and I'm gonna tease the shit out of your body..." he growled. I blushed and sat up, and he stretched.
"I'm hungry." he stated. I rolled my eyes.
"Eat, sleep, have sex, repeat. That's how your life goes." I told him. He shrugged.
"We haven't had sex yet..." he said rubbing the back of his neck. I crawled out of the bed and planted my feet on the floor.
"But you like to play with me though I said and took a step. He switftly closed the gap between us and his rockhard dick was pressed against my back.
"Trust me babe, I wanna do more than just play with you..." he hissed and nibbled on my ear. I growned and pushed back against his dick.
"I wanna suck your dick, I wanna tasted that sweet hole, I just wanna fuck..." he said and pushed his dick against my ass, "the shit..." another push," out of your sweet..." push,"tight...." push,"hole!" he gorwled and pinched my nipple. I cried out and he pushed me down on the bed and kissed me wildly. He pushed his tongue in my mouth and reached under me and roughly grabbed my ass.
"It's going to be so hard to be gentle with you..." he sighed.
"What if I don't want you to be gentle?" I panted. He stared into my eyes and pecked me on the lips.
"Babe, you're gonna want me to be gentle." he chuckled. I glanced at the clock and groaned.
"man, I sleep too much."
"Levi, I'm sure you were exhausted after that." He said getting up.
"Well....true. But We waste so much time sleeping." I protested. He looked over at me and sat down.
"Levi, It's never a wasted of time. I'm happy just being with you." he said and stroked my cheek, "Plus, I'm sure you're just catching up on peaceful rest that you never really had." he said softly. I bit my lower lip and choked back a ball of emotions. He couldn't be more right than anything.
"Come on, lets go sit in the hot tub." he said and grinned.
"It's freaking cold out there!" I cried out and crawled further into the bed.
"That's the point of a hot tub!" He shot back.
"You'll never take me alive!!!!" I yelled clinging to the sheets.
"Jesus you're like a freaking cat!" he yelled back dragging me along with the sheets.
"I just wanna stay warm!"
"He lifted me upside down by my feet and pried the sheets out of my hand.
"Really?" I said scowling at his upside down face.
"You're not that heavy babe." he frowned. He flipped me around and stood me on my feet and peeled off my clothes.
"That's better he grinned. I rolled my eyes and followed him downstairs till me were at the door.
"Cold..." I pouted. He pinched my cheek and hugged me close to him before stepping outside and hurrying into the tub. Once lowered into the water, I sighed with relief.
"Was that so bad?" He chuckled. I furrowed my eyebrows and shook my head.
"No..." I sighed. He draped an arm over my shoulder and looked up at the night sky.
"The sun sets pretty quickly." I said looking up at the stars.
"Yeah..." he said, seeming to be long in though.
"Reminds me of something..." I said.
"Our first date?" He replied.
"Yeah." I sighed and leaned against him.
"You know Levi, sometimes I wonder what the future holds when it comes to us. Whether or not we're going to make it. Whether or not we'll ever feel what we're feeling right now ever again. I wonder a lot of things." he said softly. I looked up at him and stroked his chest.
"Hey now. I'm sure we will..." I said said looking down at the water. I felt my mood drop at the mention of the possibility that our relationship could come to an end.
"You don't think you'll get tired of me?..." He asked.
"Of course not. You make life interesting at every turn, no matter what..." I giggled and leaned against him. I kept my eyes fixated on the sky and he did the same while pressing my head against the chest. I could hear his heart pounding against the walls of his chest again.
"I'm scared..." he whispered.
"Me too..." I whispered back.
"Is it too late for a new year's resolution?" He inquired. I laughed softly.
"Maybe a little...just wait." I said and lifted my head. "How about we just sit here, and just enjoy here and now?" He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose.
"I'd like nothing more." he replied, and we sat there, staring up at the night sky, hearts pounding, relishing the moment where we could just sit and reminisce about good times, and look towards the future for even better times. A new year was approaching, and surely there would be ample amounts of time to make more happy memories.