Hey just a quick message to those who have sent me E-mails. I've just found out that some e-mails from you guys have ended up in my junk mail and obviously I wouldn't check there often. SO if any of you have sent me an email in the past and I didn't reply, I'm sorry! It was not intentional, so sorry if it seemed like I was rude. Enjoy!
A familiar feminine face peered back at me when I looked through the peephole, and I immediately began unlocking the door. As soon as I unlocked the last lock, Nikki came bursting through the door breathing heavily through her chattering teeth while rushing towards the kitchen with a little pie tin in her hands.
'Hello..' I said hesitantly, taking a few steps towards the kitchen. There was a short pause, and her head shot out from the door way.
'What the fuck?! When did you get here?!' She smirked coming towards me.
'Uuuh..' I began as she studied me.
'I moved in with Ray a few months ago,' I replied. She reeled back and raised an eyebrow.
'You're shitting me..' She sighed.
She then pursed her lips together and her bottom jaw shift slightly to the left as she closed her eyes and pounded her fist into her hand.
'I'm gonna kill him,' She said and whirled around taking short and hard steps towards the stairs.
'Wait!!!' I cried out right when she reached the stairs.
'What?!' She shot.
'Please take off your shoes' I smiled, eyeing her boots.
'Seriously? Fine,' She sneered, and bent down to take off her shoes. As soon as she bent down to take off her boots I sprinted up the stairs and flew onto the bed which caused Ray to groan and sit up in his sheets.
'Levi..what the hell go back to sleep.' He said groggily, pushing me back into the bed and hugging me against his body.
'Ray get up quick! Hell's broken lose!' I shouted struggling in Ray's hold. The pounding of her boots on the stairs were getting closer and closer.
'Whatcha talkin about babe' He mumbled, kissing my neck. Right on cue, she appeared at the doorway, hands on her hips, and her nostrils were flaring.
'Little sneak, out!' She barked grabbing my arm and began dragging me off the bed. She didn't even have to pull me halfway before I scrambled out. The thought of at least attempting to protect Ray creeped into my mind, but it was immediately shot down at the ghastly sight of her anger.
'And you..' She hissed menacingly as she narrowed her eyes. Ray was partially awake, as it was the same for his body. Quickly, she rushed over and grabbed him by the front of his shirt and gave him a hard slap to the face. That definitely woke him up.
'Fuck! What was that for!!!' He roared shoving her away.
'That was for this!' She said motioning in my direction with both of her hands. I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the next. What was the problem?
'And?! He's my boyfriend! Is he not allowed to stay here?!' He shot back while nursing his red cheek. The room was still pretty dark, but I could see from the small light flowing in through the doorway that it was turning red.
'What? No! It's for the fact that you're not..' And she inhaled and gave him a slap upside the head.
'UPDATING ME!' She screeched. Ray let another yowl of pain and that was when I scrambled into bed and hugged him.
'Do I have to update you with every detail of my life?' He groaned as I pressed my cool hand against his cheek.
'Pfft, of course not! But this!' she said pointing at me. 'This is something that you should be blowing up my phone about. Hellooo! Little boy toy of yours moving in, then having rough hardcore sex, all that junk!'
'Excuse me?' He said hugging me back. 'This is my boyfriend and for your information we haven't even had sex yet!' He said defiantly. I glanced at her face and saw a flicker of surprise.
'Though..there has been a lot of flirting,' he said casually and gave me a peck on the lips. I blushed in response and a shied away from her mischievous gaze.
'Hah! Well that isn't surprising. Now, dish it out bitch!' She laughed and hopped into the bed with us.
'How long?' She asked, kicking off her boots.
'Few months.' He replied shortly.
'Oral?' She asked hopefully.
'Uuuuh..not entirely' Ray replied. Apparently for him this was the usually motions but as for me, I was getting as red as a person can get without getting a nosebleed.
'There's at least some sort of teasing or touching right?' She said waving her finger in a circle towards our direction.
I let out a cry of surprise when I felt myself being pushed back against the bed, but melted when I felt Ray's tongue invade my mouth.
'Of course..' he breathed not taking his eyes off of mine, and kissed me once more.
'Wooooo!!!!' She shouted jumping up and down on the bed. Ray pulled his lips from mine and shot her a dark look.
Uuuh..Guess I'll give you guys a few' She whispered and hopped off and out the door.
'Where were we?' He chuckled, and pressed his lips against mine. I could feel myself smiling a little as I returned his passionate kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck and feeling his dark curls brushing against the back of my hand. My chest rose and fell as I felt my tense body melt under Ray's warm touch and a wave of relief swept over me. I raised my cool hand and pressed it against his burning cheek, hoping to relieve some of the discomfort. He pulled his lips from mine, and then nuzzled his face into my hand.
'Ah that feels good...' he sighed as I placed my hand on his other cheek.
'I shouldn't have opened the door,'
'Naw it's fine. Her slapping me isn't anything new,' he said, but then held my hand against his cheek.
'But this is,' he breathed and smiled. I smiled back and climbed on top of him as soon as he rolled off me, and kissed him on his chin.
'What do you think she's doing down there?' I asked, eyeing the doorway.
'Eating of course. She loves food almost as much as I do.' He said right when we heard the microwave beep.
'First time I ever seen her around here,' I pointed out. Ray began to say something, but he was cut out from Nikki's voice downstairs.
'Oh. My. God!!!' she moaned from downstairs with what sounded like a mouth full of food.
'She likes it,' he chuckled.
'Anyway, she's been busy. She comes around quite often though. That's why my mom and dad thought we were dating.' He sighed, and hugged me.
'Little did they know I was dating a boy, not a girl back then' he said hugging me tighter.
'They don't know?' I asked wriggling under him.
'Naw, they do.' He said staring at the ceiling. I pursed my lips and began wondering whether or not I should continue to word a few of the many questions that ricocheted against the walls of my mind, making little dents that sometimes throbbed with pain. So many questions, but which am I permitted to ask? Which one would not trigger the dark emotions that resided in the depths of his heart against his parents? Which ones would drag out the pain that he tries so hard to ignore? Fearing the worst, I decided to keep my mouth shut and just lay there and listen to his even breathing and his occasional grunts as he fought to stay awake.
'Why don't you go back to sleep?' I murmured, my eyes slowly closing.
'Two reasons, one, the dragon lady is here.' He grumbled, and the microwave beeped once more.
'Two, you're awake. I try not to fall asleep before you.' And he smiled.
'Why? Think there's trouble in paradise?' I giggled and kissed him.
'No..it's just I like the feeling that I get about how you can fall asleep so easily when I hold you at night. It shows me how comfortable and at peace you are with me. It makes me feel like I'm doing something right, and that I'm not some intimidating jock that scares people. In a way, I guess it makes me feel human.' He replied wistfully, and gave me a squeeze. I rose up a little and stared into his dark brown eyes.
'What do you mean you don't feel human Ray?' I asked furrowing my eyebrows.
'I don't know. Sometimes I don't feel human..' he began and closed his eyes for a few seconds. 'Everyone has this view of me. This view that I'm this perfect, popular, jock that can do whatever he wants. They just have all the expectations of me, so many that it's sickening, you know?' he said, his voice raising a little.
'These expectations, they sometimes make me feel like I have to do these things. It makes me feel like I have to be good looking and I have to be popular. Sometimes it feels like they're trying to shove me into a mold that won't fit.' And he breathed out and stared at the ceiling.
'And when I don't fit into that mold..they do whatever it takes to get me into it. They're even willing to cut off pieces of me just to get me in there..'sighed, and sniffled. I felt my heart leap up and down inside my chest as I hugged Ray tightly and tried my best to comfort him. His chest rose and fell sharply and I could hear a few stifled sobs, blinking his tears away as he tried his best not to cry. I quickly leapt off the bed to close and lock the door so Nikki wouldn't see. As soon as I returned to the bed, I hugged Ray tightly, and gently patted his back.
'You don't have to hold it back you know..I don't hold back when I cry, why should you?' I encouraged gently. I wanted him to be comfortable in showing his emotions to me, for when someone can show their emotions easily to someone, it's almost the same as bearing their soul to a person, for emotions are a window to our soul because emotions tell the truth when they're raw and fresh, and like the soul, emotions are precious and should be encouraged and embraced.
'Go ahead..' I whispered, which were soon followed by heavy sobs. I could feel tears beginning to fill my eyes, but I quickly wiped the away and held Ray tightly. It's my turn to be the one to hold Ray, and I had to be strong for it. I didn't realize how much pain Ray was in, simply because of his status in the social world of high school. How tiresome it must be just trying to maintain that image and reputation that you have built for yourself, and how difficult it is to break away from their prying eyes and thoughts when you wanted to change. How many people must chop off pieces of themselves everyday just to fit into the delicate porcelain mannequin shell that they themselves have built? Then again, how many people have actually built it themselves? How many were forced into this life of servitude to the judgmental masses? How many personas have been formed in order to satisfy their lust for an idol? How many try their hardest to deter others from knowing their true selves? Just how many out there, are suffering like Ray does?
'Sometimes I'm just tired of it!' he sobbed as he tightened his grip around my body to the point that I could barely breath and a small pain bloomed in my ribs. Despite this discomfort, I did not object and continued to hug back and gently shush him.
'You don't have to do all this' I said softly.
'I have to..' he whimpered. At this moment, something finally clicked. His parents were the reason. He wanted to try so hard to be great, to have all this glory in order to make his parents proud. He did all this for their attention. They have been absent from so much of his life, so of course he's try to get their attention! He just wanted them to finally notice him. He just wanted to feel like he was worth their time.
'..No you don't..'I said once more. Why should he have to do all this even though it hurts him? Why couldn't they just see what they were doing to their son? Why couldn't they just be parents for once..
'I have to..' he whispered, and hiccupped. I pulled my sleeve and little over my hand, and wiped his face gently with it, wiping away his tears, and hopefully I was slowly wiping away his sorrow.
'I'm sorry..' I breathed as I wiped a fresh tear from his eye, and kissed him tenderly.
'Why?....' he rasped.
'Because I can't do anything,' I said grimly.
'Just stay with me..' he whimpered. I nodded, and hugged him tighter.
'Always..' I said gently and kissed him softly on the forehead. Staring down at him, I wiped his face again with my sleeve, and then I brushed a lock of hair from across his forehead before cupping his rugged face into my hands and leaning forward till I could feel the warmth from his face licking at the edges of my lips.
'Remember that I love you for you..' I said softly, anddelivered a tender kiss. I could feel that he was hesitant the kiss me back when he hiccupped a few times, but that soon drifted away as I planted multiple, soft kisses onto his lips. In a way, I guess I was trying to make each wound that was inflicted on him hurt less, like each kiss was a band aid on the cuts on his heart. I knew that it didn't do much, but it helped a little. I just wanted to help him in every way, big or small, it didn't matter. I just wanted to do something like what he did for me.
'You know..talking to you was the first time I actually did something that people didn't want me to do..' He said, staring at my face.
'Well..you know that you're not the most popular guy at school, which I don't see why, so people thought it was odd and weird of me to talk to someone like you and give you a hand.'
'It was the first step out of my shell, my mold, my prison...' he said, his eyes beginning to glaze over. 'And you know what? It was alright! I thought things would go to hell, but look at what happened.' He said looking over at me, his eyes bright and shining showing his excitement.
'I'm laying in bed with you..' he said and hugged me.
'Holding you,' and he kissed me.
'Kissing you..' and then he pressed my face against his chest where his heart was pounding against his chest.
'Loving you,' he sighed and squeezed me. I could feel myself smiling when I snuggled up against his chest and took a deep breath.
'Thank you..' I said softly with my eyes closed.
'No, thank you..' he chuckled, and kissed the top of my head.
'Whatever..I still have more to thank for than you,' I said happily.
'Oh babe, you have no idea about how much I'm thankful for.' And he gave my sides a poke.
'Oh? Mind sharing?' I giggled.
'Oi! Get your asses down here!' Nikki called from down stairs.
'That'll have to wait babe,' he grinned, and pecked me on the cheek. Within a few minutes, during which Ray cleaned himself up, we descended the stairs to a half irritated half excited Nikki.
'Did you guys have sex? If so, you took your damn time!' she said tapping her foot.
'No! We were just talking!' Ray laughed giving my hair a tousle.
'Wooow. You're in bed with morning woods and you guys don't even have sex? What kind of boys are you?!' She laughed socking Ray in the arm.
'Ones that are taking it slow. For the love of god how many times have I said that already?!' He shot back flicking her on the nose.
'Hey! You're Italian with a huge dick, don't blame me!' she snapped crinkling her nose.
'Shut up!' he shouted while waving his hand at her and then gathered me into his arms so my back was against his chest.
'Besides, when the time comes we'll have loads of fun,' he growled and gently bit my neck, causing me to let out a low moan and shudder.
'By the looks of this one you're going to destroy the poor thing!' she said taking note of my red face.
'Oh trust me; this one has more potential than he looks.' He chuckled, and slid his hand up my shirt, and by this time I was hard, which was something I was desperately trying to hide.
'Ray, you're embarrassing him!' she scolded slapping him on the back.
'Hmm..maybe I should help him take care of that.' He said mischievously, and began picking me up.
'Oh no. No nononono, no sex while I'm here!' She said, and pried us apart.
'I thought you wanted us to!' He said turning around and cocking an eyebrow.
'SHUT UP! Now sit down and have some pie!' She smiled and motioned towards the pie tin covered in foil.
'Your mother wouldn't approve,' Ray said in a sing song voice. I glanced over at her and saw that she opened her mouth but quickly closed it and pursed her lips. She knew her boundaries, and she was set on not crossing them.
'Sit, I'll go grabs some plates,' I insisted.
'Aw thanks hun!' she said when I placed the plate a fork in front of her. When I set the plate and fork down for Ray, he pulled me down and pecked me on my lips.
'That's my thanks to you,' he chuckled. I smiled in return and the served the pieces of pecan pie to everyone.
'So how's your Thanks Giving?' She said with a mouthful of pie.
'It was amazing,' I quipped, and clapped my hand over my mouth. Yes it was true, I thought that my first Thanks Giving was amazing, but I didn't mean to say it with that much enthusiasm.
'Yeah, it was pretty awesome!' Ray agreed and took my hand into his. 'What about yours?'
'It was alright, nothing new. We did the whole getting together with the family bit, eat, chat, sleep, and now I'm here.' She said waving her fork around. 'Tell me something though; what got you booted out and into the arms of this fugly fella?' She asked pointing her fork at me.
'Oh boo hoo I'm sooo hurt,' Ray said sarcastically, pretending to be insulted.
'Oh shut up you know you're sexy. Back to my question. Spill it bub,'
'Just some bad relationship with his dad, no biggy.' He answered for me. I nodded and fiddled with my fork while they talked.
'I hear you.' She said nodding back. It's odd how easily people left the topic alone. Usually I would think that many would try to delve into it and try to figure out what was wrong in a child's relationship with their father. Where were the questions? Where was the curiosity? Maybe it was there, but they didn't dare to trek into an unknown land where they did not know the rules. Maybe if they had known me longer, they wouldn't hesitate to ask, but I had just came into the picture just a few months ago. In a ways, both of us were strangers in foreign lands. They didn't know what were the boundaries, the rules, me, and I didn't know much about them.
You guys have anything planned for today?' She asked when we sat down on the sectional after eating.
'Nope. Usually we just kinda laze around all day..and other stuff' he chuckled, and dropped a arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him.
'In that case, let's jump in the hot tub!' She cheered leaping off her seat. It didn't take long for shirtless and scars to process through my head before my heart leaped all the way to my throat. Urgently, I felt my eyes snap over to Ray, pleading him for help.
'Seriously? I don't feel like getting wet though.' Ray breathed coolly, nudging me at my side and urging me to crawl into his lap. I obliged smoothly, and curled up against his chest, feeling his heartbeat almost as fast as mine.
'What? Well I bet you wouldn't mind getting this little boy wet!' She snickered while peeling her coat and chucking it next to us. I inched closer to Ray, and felt a bit flshedu when I felt something hardening rather quickly under me.
'Mm..you know I wouldn't hesitate.' He hissed and gently bit my ear. I shuddered from the thoughts and his warm, smooth breath drifting across my ear.
'Is this what usually happens around here?' She demanded, placing her hands on her hips.
'Of course' He chuckled.
'Whatever, I'm goin in. Feel free to join me when you want to bitches,' she huffed and began walking towars the doorway to the pool while stripping off pieces of her clothes and flinging them down along the way.
'Thank you,' Isighed, and kissed his cheek.
'No need to. I gotcha babe,' He sighed, our lips finding each other. By now I've lost track of how many times he's swooped down with his vague but convincing ways of explaining my situations to people in order to help me cover my lurid past. It was so easy back then, hiding my troubles. However, now it's become incredibly difficult. I wasn't use to this. I wasn't use to the people, and I especially wasn't use to them asking me questions about my personal life, let alone talking to me at all. Whenever I was presented with a question, I froze and start freaking out like I was just placed in dried ice or something. Then again, I wouldn't have to worry about this if I wasn't with Ray. I didn't care though. Sometimes when I thought about it, it was a bit nice. It showed that people were curious about me, and they wanted to get to know me. My only problem was, they were sometimes interested in the wrong things.
'You know she was right about me wanting to get your wet..' He growled, reaching down and teasing the tip of my hardon. I gasped and throbbed in response to his touch.
'I wouldn't mind,' I mumbled, and gently kissed his neck.
'God Levi you're so tempting..' He groaned when he reached down and gave my butt a squeeze.
''Isn't that a good thing?' I smiled, kissing along his jaw line.
'Yeah...but not when you're so close and on top of my lap...' He moaned burying his nose into my hair.
Oh? Is it really that bad?' I teased, snaking my hands up his shirt across his chest.
'Flirtatious today, aren't we?' He hissed flicking his tongue in my ear, causing a small shiver to run up my spine. He was right, I was feeling sort of flirtatious all of the sudden. The thing was, no matter how hot I feel and how much confidence I have at the moment, Ray always overpowered me greatly and made my body feel weak.
'Apparently' I giggled, regaining my composure and kissing him lightly on the lips.
'The things I would do when I get you on your back with your legs in the air,' He growled and kissed me hard. I sucked in some air while my body went limp in his arms. He pulled me close, slipping his tongue into my mouth, probing, searching for mine. I giggled flirtatiously and returned his kisses, relishing the sudden surge of confidence. Where it came from? I had no idea. All I knew was that it was new, and lovely. I thought that it was probably because the more trust I placed in Ray, the less I feared of doing anything new. If he stepped out of his world to get to me, then I should do the same. Besides, like his experience of stepping out, mine was beautiful and fun as well.
'You have no idea how much I'm holding back,' He grunted. I stared at him devilishly and reached down to stroke his massive and somewhat moist tent.
'Oh trust me, I know' I whispered back, and squeezed it, causing him to let out a loud moan as he thrusted up into my hand.
'Damn Levi...where the hell is this coming from?' He groaned.
'Honey, this is just a little taste of it. Wait till you get the whole thing,' I said seductively and squeezed it once more. I felt him stir and wriggle under me and within seconds he had me pinned on my back and was kissing me passionately.
'You shouldn't play to close to fire' He hissed grinding against me.
'Well what if I wanna get burned?' I retorted back devilishly and rolled my hips against his.
'Naughty Levi,' He chuckled and bit my neck rather hard to the point that it possibly left a red mark.
'Nothing wrong with a little spice,' I laughed, and we clung to each other for what seemed like hours, kissing and teasing each other till we had to change pants.
'Well look who decided to come...' She said eyeing our changed drawers while stretching her arms above her head.
'Did you guys cum as well?' She laughed and splashed some steaming water at us. I flinched and stepped a bit farther from the steaming water. Nikki was looking as relaxed as she could be. Her arms were stretched out along the tile that surrounded the tub, and her eyes were slightly glazed behind the fog of steam that swirled around her, which further enhanced her dreamy appearance.
'Aren't you gonna lose the clothes?' she sighed closing her eyes and tilting her head
'Nope. We just came to check that you didn't accidently drowned yourself or something,' Ray grinned. She smirked at his sly remark and flipped him the finger.
'Come on! What's the big deal? It feels sort of pathetic being alone in here!' She whined slapping the water a bit.
'Levi doesn't want too...' He explained, inching closer to me.
'Little kitty's afraid to get wet?' She sneered and splashed water on me. I flinched again and Ray shielded me protectively. Despite the effect of the huge amount of confidence that I was feeling earlier, by now it had reduced to almost nothing.
'No! He's just a little sick..leave him alone.' Ray said defensively. I could see the annoyance in her face when she eyed me up and down, only to close her eyes and resume to her earlier relax position.
'Get in there,' I whispered to him without thinking.
'What about you? I want to be in there with you,' he protested.
'Please..later ok? I'll be fine.' I reassured. He stared at me for a few beats, and lightly kissed me before taking off his shirt and rolling up his pant legs.
'Well..at least you're in here,' She jabbed when Ray lowered himself into the tub. I saw him shoot a look of annoyance, and he gave me a friendly nod, which I returned with a smile. As I walked away from the tub and into the house, I couldn't help but feel a little hostility from Nikki. At first I thought it was a fluke but it was just something I couldn't shake now. When it came to Rosaline I had no idea what I was feeling, and that was the part that scared me, but Nikki, I knew. She resented me somewhat. I didn't know why, nor what is the problem but I could feel it. There wasn't much, but it was there, and I could feel it.
When I stepped inside, I waited, and it wasn't long before I found myself in Ray's room opening the window a crack and secretly peering down at them. Luckily there were shades covering the windows and the glass wasn't soundproof so I easily heard everything. Years of fear and paranoia of my father trained my ears to listen to even the faintest of noises, so I heard their conversation with relative ease. It began with the usually 'long time no see' chit chat, mild, simple, but things began heating up when it came to me. Her voice was dulled, but I could hear the irritation in her voice when she spoke of me to Ray.
'So..you and Levi..' She began awkwardly.
'Yeah?' Ray replied flatly. There was a long pause, and the things she said next made me want to turn around and listen to their conversation no longer.
'I don't like him.' I heard her say bluntly.
'What?' I heard Ray say immediately, his voice rising.
'You heard me, I don't like him!' She reiterated.
'Why the fuck not?'
'I don't know..he's boring and..blah,' She said with distaste. By now I was pressed up as close to the glass as possible while biting my lower lip.
'You barely know the guy!' Ray shouted. This made me jump and my heart began to pound, from fear instead of love this time. This was one f the few occasions that I heard of Ray's anger, in fact, I think this is the third time. Anger always brought up bad memories, and I had years of experience of having just solid anger continuously pound my body for almost my entire life.
'Easy, don't want your new toy to hear us..' she growled.
'This is only the second time you met him, so don't you be such a stuffy little bitch!' Ray snapped, this time his voice wasn't so loud.
'Well I barely knew him, but hell I can already tell he's a lot better than that little fuck!' She shouted back.
'Don't you fucking talk about Levi that way,' Ray said coldly.
'What the hell do you see in him?!' She demanded rising quickly from the water.
'Everything!!!' Ray yelled ferociously, rising from the water and standing in front of Nikki, meeting her cold gaze with one of his own.
'I see everything in that boy in there..'He repeated, huffing. His face was flushed with the color of anger, and his eyes burned with aggression that seemed to intensify the heat of the water, causing it to steam more. Even from here I could feel it. I shook my head violently as memories came back into the viewing room of my mind. One little slip of mental control and concentration and I could have an entire marathon that would have me bawling my eyes out and wishing for death to come knocking at my door to take me away from the world of pain.
'Everything huh?...' she said sarcastically, unsheathing her razor sharp tongue once more.
'I love him!' Ray roared.
'Oho, little quick to say that aren't we? Quick like your old relationship?' She stabbed.
'Shut the fuck up! It was 10 months, longer than any that you've ever had!'Ray shouted back, flicking out a knife of his own.
'Really Ray?' She retreated.
'Look..' Ray began, but he was cut off by the sound of a loud smack that rang throughout the house. This time, the slap didn't have an ounce of humor or joy in it. It was one of pure hatred and malice, a serpent from a part of their dark past rising, and lashing out.
'Did those last 3 months really count Ray?! HUH?! ' She screamed smacking him across the face once more. The look of shock and hurt was more profound at the mention of his past relationship, and the anger from his face was slowly seeping away, but along with the anger, disappeared the life. Ray's face became pale as he stared blankly at Nikki, in disbelief of what she just said.
'He was practically nothing to you! You just used him as your little fuck toy you dickhole!' She shrieked, shaking with rage. She punched him hard in the chest, but Ray didn't budge.
'Don't you know how much he still loves you? Despite all that shit you put him through, all these years, god Ray he still fucking loves you..' She said. The rage had disappeared from her voice as well and was now replaced with the sound of anguish, hurt, and sorrow. The steam continuously rolled around them, but I could see. Both of them, their eyes glassy with tears as more shot down their faces.
'Nik..' Ray said softly, taking hold of her hand.
'Oh shit..I'm sorry Ray..' she said, obvious embarrassed and regretting what she had done. She turned away and wiped her tears with her arm, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she attempted to control her tears.
'I just miss him, that's all.' She sighed, turning around. Ray nodded in understanding, and hugged her.
'I can't undo the past Nik, but shit I finally got a second shot at this. I might not have worked out back then, but damn it I was young. I was stupid. I had no control. Hell I bet there wasn't any true love at all.' He said glumly patting her back.
'He changed so much after you Ray..I hardly recognize him anymore.' She cried into his chest.
'And every day I have to live with knowing what I had done to him. Well..somewhat knowing. During those times things were a bit of a blur, a haze that I could only see through bits of.' He sighed. 'I finally found someone though, and I love him. I love Levi more than I ever loved him.' I then realized that they have yet to say his name. Throughout this whole argument they never once said his name, like it was some taboo or a curse that surpassed all the others in its vulgarity. Were things really that bad? What happened? Witnessing this unfold right before my very eyes was like unfolding a large dry log in front of my fire of curiosity, and it leapt right at it and devoured it. Chewing, gnawing, growing. A new flurry of questions darted around my mind, squawking at my throbbing brain as I tried to gain control of the jumbled mental mess. I was losing reigns on the viewing room, and the continuous swarm of pestering questions was causing me to hold the reins in one hand and bat them away with another. I clapped my hand over my mouth to stifle a sob, and I resisted the urge to storm away from the open window and just lay down in Ray's plush bed and inhale his scent. To wrap his comforter around me and pretend like he was with me rather than out there yelling. I just wanted to feel safe again.
'Where do you think he is now?...' Nikki asked, pulling herself away from Ray and settling back into the water. I took a deep breath and honed back into the conversation, straining my ears so I could hear everything.
'I don't know. He tried for a few months after I broke up with him to contact me but I just brushed him off..he could be dead for all I know.' Ray sighed, settling back into the water as well and rubbing his face in his hands.
'It's been a year since I last saw him..he just upped and left town with his parents. They planned to move before, but they were waiting for him to finish school here before they did. But he pushed them hard, hell he basically commanded that they move.' She said, making little waves of her own with her hand. Her voice was quivering less and less, but she was still sniffling quite a bit.
'..you still don't like Levi?' Ray asked after a pause. I practically wanted to jump out the window and into the tub just to hear her reply.
'Naw. That was just shit tumbling out of my mouth. I was just a little angry today, seeing you two together brought up memories of him.' She frowned, and breathed out an exasperated sigh. 'It's just..you know how we were. When you introduced him to me we clicked so well. We grew close. Our friendship was kinda like the one we have now, except a little more reserved on the account that I haven't known him for so long, but still. Like you, he was practically family.' When I heard this the catastrophe in my mind settled, and I was finally able to take a full breath and breathe in the air that was not filled with hostility directed towards me.
'I'm glad that Levi wasn't here though..I would've never gotten this shit off my chest if he were here.' She chuckled shaking her head.
'Surprisingly I'm glad too..don't want my best friend to keep things like this locked away.' He nodded in agreement.
'Ya know that cheek is gonna burn for a whle,' she said doing her little finger wave at it.
'No shit. That hurt like a mother,' He groaned rubbing it.
'Wanna go get your little boyFRIEND to kiss it better?' She laughed and splashed some water.
'Will you pull him in if he comes out here?' Ray questioned.
'Not making any promises hun.' She stated raising her hands defensively.
'Then no. I'm sure he's busy with something..' Ray said staring towards the house. Luckily he didn't look up at his bedroom where I was eavesdropping and attempting not to mentally gut myself due to the throbbing headache I now had.
'Think he heard us?' He asked.
'Well no duh! Hell the whole world might've heard, which I'm sure they did. Wave up to the FBI and astronauts Ray!' She joked and waved playfully at the sky. I couldn't help but smile at her witty remark. I can see why Ray liked her.
'Wonder if my dick's bigger than theirs..' Ray said staring down at the water.
'Oh you bet it is..' I said softly to myself, smiling and holding in a burst of laughter.
'Don't flatter yourself. You might die when you find out someone's bigger.' She warned patting him on the shoulder. She lifted up her hands, and inspected it with horror.
'Lordy Jesus how long have we been in here? And I think I broke a nail slapping you..' She said in awe. 'This is my cue to leave, get me my towel please.' She asked while standing up. Ray obliged and grabbed two towels for the both of them, and she quickly dried herself off.
'I just got these done!' She complained.
'Oh? Guess you're a girl after all!' Ray laughed while toweling his hair.
'Well I have boobs and a vagina don't I?!' She said pointing at her lady parts.
'Well..I thought you were fat before and had trouble losing the chest aaand..maybe you were just very small down there.'
'Baby you know you want this,' She giggled opening her towel and jiggling her boobs.
'Right. Because I totally want to find out what kind of monsters are in that cave of yours,' He teased.
'Shut up they aren't that bad!' and she gave him a playful slap. I sighed and marveled at both of them. They bounced back so easily. One moment they're slicing each other up and now they're joking around like old friends again. I stared at them, watching them jump around and playfully hit each other till I realized that they were about to go inside. I panicked and flew up from the window and almost slammed it shut, but used some sense and closed it quietly. After that was done, I searched around from something to do, something that required concentration or hearing. I walked around the room and along the poster covered walls, finding anything that could catch my eyes. My answer fell next to the computer and a pair of speakers. It was Ray's ipod still attached to. Come to think of it, I never noticed it before. That didn't matter, immediately I flew to it and sat in the little swivel chair, catching myself before I could topple over and fly out the window. I rammed the headphone, those big ones with plush muffs, and tried my best to work with the alien technology that rested in the palm of my hand. I inspected it, and it took me about a minute to figure out how to turn it on. When it turned on and I tried it out, I praised the heavens that it wasn't some complicated doo dad that would confuse me with various buttons and options..like the tv remote. I searched through his music list and found myself rather surprised at the diversity of his collection. There was classical, rap, pop, R&B, indie, all kinds of rock minus deathmetal and screamo, techno, even oldies. The selection was mind boggling, and surely enough I knew only the classical ones and a few pop songs. Years of relying on books for entertainment dulled my musical knowledge to the point that it was practically flat and nonexistent. I finally settled for some techno song. It was loud so that it could drown out most of the noises, but not loud enough like rock to make my ears bleed. After making my selection, I hopped on the bed and curled up and listened to the rhythmic beat of synthesizers at work. In a way, this was sorta fun. What I didn't like was the fact that it gave me an urge to move and hop around in an awkward form of what I call dancing. I'm sure Ray was an excellent dancer, but in my few experiences with any modern music, I knew I probably looked no better than a penguin with epilepsy. However, I knew the formal dances very well, ones that require a couple holding each other rather than couples grinding and pelvic thrust against each other in a form of indirect sex. I laid there entranced by the odd sounds that collaborated together to form music for maybe ten minutes at the max before the movement of the doorknob caught my eye. I snapped my head in the direction of the door, and saw Ray cautiously stepping inside, looking as though he was prepared to handle a flood of tears from me. Instead of a flood of tears, he was met with me listening to his ipod with a curious look in my eye. He breathed out a sigh of relief and motioned for me to take them off while stripping off his wet pants and throwing them into the restroom, his thick dick swinging a little as he crawled into bed next to me. I blushed and took them off.
'Like my ipod?' He chuckled kissing my forehead. I nodded and brushed a light kiss, crinkling my nose a little from the smell of chlorine mixed with his usual musky scent.
'Oh? Whatcha listening to?' He asked and took his ipod in his hand.
'Hmm..techno? Is Little Levi a dancer?' he said slyly.
'Not the kind you're thinking of..' I said bashfully thinking of my awkward seizure-penguin dance. He laughed and gathered me into his arms.
'What are you talking about babe?' he chuckled and gave me a smooch on my cheek.
'Oi! You get your dickbags down here, I gotta hurry! They don't take to kindly to walk-ins!' Nikki shouted from the bottom of the stairs. I stared at Ray, giving him a fake questioning glance.
'Broke a nail while playing around.' He shrugged. Right, sure that was a really playful slap.
'Hellooooooo!' She called once more. Ray jumped out of the bed and began walking towards the door.
'Ray!' I called hopping off the bed and grabbing his arm.
'What's up?' He asked as if nothing was missing.
'Shorts? Pants? Something?' I said pointing out his meat hanging out in the open. He pinned me to the wall and kissed me deeply.
'Babe, it's nothing new. She's seen it before.' He growled seductively as his dick started hardening.
'Even when it's hard?' I whimpered when he kissed my neck.
'Don't remember, let's find out,' he chuckled and took my hand and quickly led me down the stairs.
'Aw really guys? Really?!' she said with a look of disgust and covering Ray's dick from her view.
'Guess not,' Ray shrugged while I stood there and laughed out loud.
'Whatever, it's been a while,' She sighed waving her hand. 'Quick, say bye to Aunt Nikki, and please try not to poke my eye out with that thing,' She giggled as Ray walked towards her. I admired the fact of how far Ray had to keep his hips in order keep his dick from touching Nikki as they both leaned forward and lightly kissed each other on each cheek. She walked over and did the same for me, but threw in a tight hug.
'See ya later little cutie,' She chuckled pinching and pulling my cheek, causing me to pout a little.
'You're cute when you pout,' Ray whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek. I felt a little bubble of giddiness rise in my stomach. We lead Nikki to the door, and said bye once more.
'Thanks for the pie,' I smiled when she opened the door.
'Courtesy of Kroger,' She winked, and we both waved bye, her boots clicking on the pavement as she stepped outside and the roar of her car's engine coming to lfe after a few minutes.
'Shower time,' Ray sang and unexpectedly picked me up, causing me to yelp in surprise as I kissed his lips.
'You know I take a lot more showers since I met you,' He said playfully kissing my neck once he placed me onto the counter.
'Good thing?' I laughed lifting my chin up a little.
'Yea, I think I got more handsome,' Ray said smoothly, looking past me and touching his cheek with his hand.
'Oh please, you got more handsome every day,' and I held his face in my hands.
'I'd be lying if I said that you didn't,' he said softly leaning his forehead against mine.
'I love you Ray,' I said adoringly. If he didn't call this love, then I didn't know what it was.
'I'll always love you Levi,' He said gently, and kissed me soft and slowly. I lifted my hand and pressed it against his still hot cheek where she slapped him earlier.
'I was lookin forward to that,' He sighed holding my hand against his cheek.
'She slapped you that hard?'
'They don't call it a bitch slap for nothing. It was delivered by Queen Bitch herself,' he chukled and kissed my hand.
'I believe a shower awaits, you stink of chlorine' I said crinkling my nose once more.
'What? Don't like my new cologne?' He asked kissing my nose.
'No, I prefer you au naturel,' I said wistfully, and kiss his lovely lips as he carried me into the shower in his powerful and protective arms.
Later that day when it became dark and after we ate, we laid on Ray's bed, just talking, when he sat up a little and shifted his eyes to the doorway.
'You wanna go to the piano room for a bit?' He asked dreamily. I gave him an odd look and sat up as well.
'Sure, but why all of the sudden?' I questioned climbing off the bed with him.
'Dunno, just that sudden craving to play,' He said and soon we were there sitting in front of the sleek and glossy grand piano.
'God it's been ages,' he murmured pressing a few keys.
'Tell me about it,' I agreed, and pressed a few keys of my own. It was not long ago that I first laid my fingers on this black beauty, but it felt like centuries. I ran my fingers along the edges, caressing it like a long lost friend. Its electronic brother helped me throughout my life, and I was glad to see some resemblance of my old companion.
'You like classical music, right?' Ray asked, pressing another key.
'Of course,' I replied, tracing the outline of the black sharps with my fingertips.
'Know this one?' and he started playing a tune that many have heard at least once in their life.
'The Entertainer..' I replied gently. I loved the way it was a lighthearted that seemed to bring you back to the old days before computers and cell phones were available for free use.
'My turn,' and I began playing an also well known, and slow tune.
'Fur Elise..' he chuckled. We played song after song, naming them and letting the current of sweet classical music sweep us away into a dreamy state of some sort of high. Every time I listened to Ray play, I could feel my breathing slow, and my eyes would start to glaze over to the point I sometimes found myself beginning to doze off.
'Hehe..a Jock that can play the piano..that's new,' I said softly and rested my head against his shoulder.
'A Jock dating a guy, that's new as well..' he murmured and kissed the top of my head. I sighed in content with today. Sure there was that hour or so of intense emotion but this moment was a nice closing to it. It relaxed me, and filled me with just the soft warmth of happiness just thinking about it.
'Hey..Levi?' he mumbled, breaking the silence.
'You know that song?'
'Which one?' I asked, rising a little from his shoulder.
'That one song you played one day. It was earlier in our relationship and you thought you were alone and you played this song that just sounded so sad and morbid.'
'What about it?' I sighed and waved the image of me crying away from my thoughts.
'Who's the composer?' He asked hesitantly. I paused for a moment and breathed in.
'Me..' I finally said, my head off his shoulder and staring glumly at the piano keys. I remembered the song even though it was a long time since I played it. It's melody played softly in my head, stirring up small riffles of my old memories that I tried so hard to cover with new ones. I knew they were important, but I didn't want to remember the emotional pain that it had brought me all those years of my life. I felt Ray place his warm hand on my shoulder.
'Can you play it again?' He asked. I slowly obliged without a word and gently placed my hands back on the keys, and began playing. Before, it flared out so smoothly, so beautifully. But as I was playing it here, after escaping from my old home, it felt so awkward. My hands trembled and stumbled all over the keys, making countless and noticeable mistakes as I tried hard to feel the music. That was the problem. I didn't feel it anymore. I was no longer engulfed by the gloom that once surrounded my mind, and I no longer alone and cold. Not when I had all the warmth and love I needed right next to me.
'I can't..' I said softly, taking my hands off the keys.
'Why?' He asked, placing his warm hand on my shoulder once more. I turned towards him, placed my hand on top of his, and felt a loving smile forming on my face.
'Because I no longer have a reason to..' I whispered placing a hand on his cheek, and gave him a soft and gentle kiss that said 'thank you'.
'You don't know how much you've done for me..' I said gently with a ting of happiness ringing in my voice. I could feel tears starting to bring on my eyelids, and I quickly turned away and gave a small laugh of embarrassment.
'God..I cry too much..' I sniffled wiping my eyes with my sleeve. I felt him grasp my face with his hand and pulled me close.
'Like I said, I don't mind as long as they're tears of happiness.' And he locked his lips with mine.
'You know what else is new? He asked gently after pulling his lips from mine.
'My love for you..'He said sweetly, and kissed me.
'We've been dating for a few months now..' I said bashfully, and kissed him back.
'Yeah..but everyday it feels new and fresh..' He chuckled, and hugged me. I gasped and froze for a moment, but then I smiled, closed my eyes, and hugged him back.
'Oh Ray..You're so sweet,' I mumbled and kissed his cheek.
'You might not be saying that within a few minutes..' He chuckled, hugging me tighter.
'Why not?' I asked, wriggling in his arms. In a rush, I felt him stand up with me in his arms, and he darted up the stairs with me bouncing about confused. We arrived there in a matter of seconds, and he tossed me over to his bed and ran to his desk, fiddling with wires and laughing softly to himself.
'What?' I asked scrambling across the bed and trying to see what he was doing.
'Because' he began, and suddenly techno blasted from a pair of speakers on his desk with his ipod hooked up to it.
'We're gonna see how you dance.'
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