"Levi," he mumbled and nibbled on my ear
"W-what?" I stuttered.
"I really....REALLY need you." he sighed and kissed the top of my forehead
"But I can't let this happen. Not now that is." he whispered and backed away enough so I could lower my legs. I gazed up at him, confused. My hands were above my head, and I was pretty sure a wet spot had grown on our underwear. His eyes were glassy, but he was smiling nonetheless.
"Levi, Now isn't the time." he finally said. I was dumbfounded.
"Really?" I asked. He laid down next to me and gathered me into his arms. "Really. This time I feel like it shouldn't happen." he said and buried his face into my hair.
"But....why? Was this not the time you were waiting for?" and I rose up on my hands, "isn't this your chance to finally fulfill what you've been desiring from nearly day one?"
"Yeah...." he chuckled and shook his head.
"I don't understand." I coughed and felt the tears beginning to brim, "Did I do something wrong?"
He sat up with me and brought my face to his, kissing me.
"Levi...you didn't do anything wrong." he said and gulped, "I want you more than anything. I want to feel you, I want to listen to you claim me as yours. I want to feel the deepest connection possible with you." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "But...I don't know if I'm ready. And I don't know if you're completely ready either. That moment of intense passion clouds our judgment sometimes," he touched my chest with his fingertips, "Listen to whats deep inside, " the guards readied their pikes and the archers took aim, "Do you feel like you're ready? Can you put you complete and utter faith in me? Are you willing to let me completely inside?"
Much to my dismay, I wasn't. My eyes fell to the mixture of blue and white sheets that were entangled together from our actions, and I laid down with my face buried in them. I breathed in his scent, and cried. I cried hard and my mind dropped lower and lower till it hovered just above rock bottom. I felt Ray's hands touch me and I shook them away.
"Levi..." he said gently.
"No. Don't, I'm pathetic and I know it." I sniffled. I heard him suck in some air and he pulled me up rougher than usual. I blinked the tears away and saw the beginning spark of anger dancing in his eyes.
"Don't ever say that." his voice seared into me, "Ever!" he shouted. I trembled and tried pulling away from him, but he held fast.
"Levi, I love you, okay?!" his voice was beginning to become full of tears, "I love you so much that it hurts sometimes, and When you say that it's like a part of me dies. Don't you know that? Can't you see what I feel whenever I hear you say things like that?!"
I was silent. I didn't know how to respond.
"You tell me you love me. You tell me that you love me for who I am no matter what." he wiped his tears away with his arm, " But it's like you expect me to just believe what you say!" he shouted again. He didn't even attempt to wipe his face free of the moisture that fell from his eyes again. He just continued to speak while allowing them to fall.
"It's like you're telling me not to love you."
My eyes widened and I saw his shoulders slumped. He was so crestfallen. The spark in his eyes died and all that was left was something dark and empty. He sniffled and rolled off the bed, then made his way to the bathroom. I heard the sink run, but he didn't come out when it stopped. I stared at the entrance expecting him to appear at any moment, but he didn't. I swallowed the knot in my throat and proceeded towards the restroom. What I found was him staring blankly at the mirror. There was nor frown, no glare, no smile. It was just empty. I appeared at his side and gazed at our reflections. Sometimes it was weird when i didn't see the two of us glued together in each others embrace in front of this mirror. There was rarely ever a time where Ray didn't at least give me one hug after our shower, or during the morning, or while we were getting ready to go out. There was rarely ever a time where he didn't touch me.
I reach over and grazed his arm with my fingers, and I received no response in return. I could see he was breathing, and his eyes were open, but it was like he retreated into his own world for the time being. I slid closer to him and firmly held his arm with my hand. Again, there was no response. I opened my mouth to say something but the words were caught by the boulder that was nestled firmly in my throat.
"Ray..." I rasped. There was a flicker of acknowledgment, but that was all.
"Ray." I said more clearly this time. The lights up there came back on and I could see the motor running once again. He had finally returned to reality, but he had yet to escape the fog that enveloped his mind. I have to bring him back. It was my turn to pull him out of the darkness.
Ray, I'm sorry." I said shaking him. His head bobbed a little and he closed his eyes and gripped the edges of the counter.
"I'm sorry for hurting you like that. I'm sorry for making you feel like that." I said to him. He kept his eyes closed and didn't even bother to react to anything.
'Damn it Ray, I never meant to hurt you!" I cried grabbing his face. His eyes snapped open and I stared into his eyes.
"Do you really think I'm terrible enough to hurt such a sweet person like you?" I choked and caressed his cheek, "I'd be so stupid to do it on purpose."
He pulled away and went back to the mirror with open eyes once again.
"Damn it Ray, I get it! I'm a fuck up, I get it!" I shouted.
"There you go doing it again!" he snapped. I felt my head reel back from the acid in his voice.
"Its what I'm feeling right now." I shot back. He fixed his stare on me like he was tying to figure out whether or not to say something. I stared back daring him to.
"I wish you would stop feeling like that,"
"And I wish that I didn't feel like this too, but I do. I can't help it Ray, and you know it. I've said it more than once, one cannot control their emotions so easily!"
"But why?!" he roared. My breath caught in my throat and the all too familiar chill crept inside of me and slowly froze every bit of warmth it touched.
"Why do you feel like this still? Huh?" He shouted. I bit my lower lip and stared back at him.
"What the fuck am I doing wrong?!" he slammed his hand down on the counter. He was panting, and his nostrils flared with the wildfire that went from his eyes to his entire body. He lit a fire in the fog and now he was swinging around wildly with not direction. I reach out, fear of being struck high in my mind. I didn't know what would happen if he was to ever lay a hand on me with the intention of harm. I don't even think I could live at that point.
"N...nothing." I said softly. he glared at me.
"You're doing nothing wrong. " I repeated.
"Then why do you still feel like this?" he asked, this time desperation trickling in.
"It's not your doing Ray...it's mine."
"You always take the blame on yourself." he muttered.
"But this time it's true. You're doing nothing wrong Ray. You take care of me, you give me a place to live, you tell me you love me. You can't go five minutes without showing your love for me." I said showing him a small smile.
"But I feel like it's not enough," he buried his face into his hands, "It kills me knowing you still feel like this. I try so damn hard to make sure you don't ever feel like that again and it just comes up and reminds me that you're still hurting." he turned his head in my direction, "I don't want you to hurt anymore Levi. That's all."
"You can't stop everything Ray," I said shaking my head, "But you make thins a hell of a lot easier to live with."
"Sometimes it doesn't seem that way," he mumbled.
"Then you need to open your eyes Ray." I returned. He became silent and fixed his eyes back on our reflection. After a couple of beats, the fog cleared, he stood up straight and he stepped towards me and suddenly his eyes were bright and clear again.
"Come here you little shit," he sighed. I raised an eyebrow at him confused.
" I said come here," he laughed and pulled me into a tight hug.
"What the fuck just happened?" I asked, my voice muffled by his chest. He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me.
"I don't wanna be mad anymore." he replied. I half laughed and half cried from relief.
"I don't understand you sometimes," I told him slapping my hand against his pecs.
"I guess that keeps me interesting," he chuckled and parted from me just enough to bend down and kiss me, "I'm sorry for making you cry babe."
"It's fine. I should be apologizing for making you angry." I sniffled.
"Don't, there's no need." he said shaking his head.
"Too bad. I'm sorry for making you upset Ray. I love you, you know that."
"Fuck you," he smiled and pressed me against the wall, "Kiss me and I'll forgive you." he said leaning his forehead against mine.
"Is there any other option?" I flirted.
"Never," and our lips met. He sensually rubbed my back with one hand and had the other arm wrapped around my waist. I couldn't help my giggle a little as I reached up and held his face in my palms while feeling the little flutter in my stomach return again, followed by the pleasant warmth that warded away the chill that preceded it. He pulled away and looked down at me.
"Whats so funny babe?" he asked.
"Just shut up and kiss me," I laughed lightly.
"Are you trying to command me?"
"More like a request," I shrugged.
"Good, because unless you're riding my cock you get no say," he chuckled and lifted me up in his arms. He brought me over to the counter top and sat me down.
"Now time for my favorite part before the shower," he said slyly. I blushed and he returned his lips to mine and slowly undressed me. We peeled the clothes off from each other kiss and sucking on whatever areas became exposed with the exception of the more personal areas. His hand went to the back of my head and he continued to passionately kiss me and rub my body. His hand wandered from my shoulders to down my back till they came to a stop at me ass. At this point he lifted me off the counter top and carried me with him into the shower. Once under the falling moisture, he parted from me with a sigh of content. I stared up at his face dripping with streams of water and encircled his neck with my arms.
"That's it?" I said with a hint of mischief. He grinned and we came together once more, making it last for as long as possible. It was moments like these that made me feel as though as our relationship wasn't as fragile as we feared it was. The affection that we constantly showed afterwards felt like we were making amends, apologizing for the harm that may have been inflicted, and reinforcing it to ensure this doesn't happen again.
We lathered each other up, we washed the soap off of each other, we touched, rubbed, stroked, caressed, and traced every part of each others body. We couldn't stop touching. It occurred to me that it was no longer an option to touch each other in such ways at this point. It was an absolute necessity. We stepped out of the bathroom after a while refreshed and happy. In addition to that we were also hungry.
"Babe, the sexy beast needs to be fed," he sang and pecked me on top of the head.
" Whats the sexy beast in the mood for?" I asked nuzzling his neck.
"Something sweet," he said and rocked me back and forth.
"You can't eat me due to legal reasons," I objected.
"I wasn't talking about you, but I can definitely eat you up anytime of the day,"
"Your words not mine."
"Your body, and all mine," he growled and massaged my ass.
"Not yet. But seriously, you know I don't make desert too often." I frowned, "I never really had to...my father never really liked sweets."
Ray squeezed me and his facial expression softened, "Hey now, don't get upset alright?" he kissed the tip of my nose, "No more sadness for today Levi. Everything's alright now" he reassured. I blinked and pressed my face into his chest to blot the fresh spring that rose.
"Are there any bakeries that you know of?" I asked, my voice was muffled. He rubbed his hand up and down my back, "Yeah, I know a few places. Do you wanna come with or am I flying solo?" he asked. I looked up at him, "Of course I'm going! It's dangerous out there, you need some help!"
"Why? Are you afraid I'm going to suck up everything in the bakery?" he laughed and roughed me up a bit.
"Pretty much. You might even eat the poor baker." I laughed hysterically as he tickled me.
"I'm not going to stop till you say you wanna go with me because you want to,"
"And if I don't?" I asked once he stopped. He licked the inside of my ear and gently bit down.
"Then I'm' gonna tease your little body till you beg for mercy,"
"You'll have to stop at some point," I protested. He thought for a moment.
"Babe, the only time I would stop tease you is when I actually pound your tight little hole," he hissed and grabbed my growing erection.
"Damn it Ray..." I moaned and squirmed away, "We have a mission, remember?"
"The quest for food?" he said and threw me on the bed. He climbed on top of me and stared down, "That can always wait..."
He licked the edges of my lips and I nearly asked him to take me right there. The moment was interrupted by the loud gurgle of Rays stomach.
"Are you sure you want sweets? I think you need real food." I frowned. He rolled off me, sat upright and shrugged, "I'm sure they got something there. Lets get change and we'll think about it as we go, alright?" he grinned. I nodded in agreement and we padded off to his large closet to select our clothing. When we emerged, we were dress, and our dicks were only half hard, though that would probably change within the next ten minutes or so.
"Ready?" he asked.
"Yeah, of course!" I said while grabbing my wallet off the nightstand. I felt his hand gently touch my wrist as I slipped it into my pocket.
"Levi," he said with a soft smile.
"What?" I asked, looking up at him without a clue in the world what he was getting at.
"You know full well you don't need to bring your wallet." he said. I did a silent, sharp intake of breath. This ever present issue always rose when we went out. It rose whenever I even thought about where I was living. I was living in an immaculate house, I was dining on food be it from other places or prepared with ingredients from the store, I had a smart phone with all that capabilities short of incapacitating someone without chunking it at their head. All of these things did not pay for itself, and none of these things were obtained with the use of my money. All of it was paid for by Ray, well technically his parents, but the point was that he was paying for me all the time! I stared up at him, holding his gaze. His brown eyes were soft and pleading, begging for me to let go of this issue already. I couldn't though. I didn't want to have him pay for everything, I didn't want to feel like I was being spoon fed everything. I wanted to know that there was at least a chance for me to contribute something rather than just sit back and allow his cash to flow. Even before I reached the legal age of working, I did odd jobs that I could find to obtain the cash that I needed to do whatever had to be done. The more independent I became, the more I could distance myself from my father. A majority of the time, my goal was to have as little contact with my father as possible. It didn't always work since no matter what I did he always seemed to find a reason to attack me, but I like to think that it helped my situation in some way.
He held my hand there for what seemed like the longest time, and I pulled my hand away from his. He focused his eyes on my hand, and watched me as I walked over to the nightstand and set it down. I blew out a sigh and he bent down to kiss the tip of my nose.
"Don't worry, alright Levi?" he said softly and ruffled my hair. I felt some annoyance seep in. I felt the inferiority arising once more. I felt the blooms of fear and guilt in my chest. I knew he had no problem with this, but it's the fact that we never sat down and talked about this issue. To him it was probably nothing at all. He could easily overlook it and take my resistance as just being adorably stubborn. I on the other hand thought this was a serious issue, and I yearned to tell him how I wish he could understand how I felt about it. I wasn't ungrateful, I was just well...uncomfortable? That was the best word I could stick to it. However, at the moment I didn't exactly want to discuss another issue when we just got done with one. Two disagreements in one day was a bit too much at the moment. I swallowed it down and smiled innocently at him as he took my scarf off the hanger and wrapped around my neck. Maybe one day we will talk about this, but for now, I'll have to just be happy and try to brush it off.
I slipped into the passenger seat, and the moment we turned out of the driveway Ray reached over and took my hand in his. We drove down the street towards whatever direction he was heading towards in the darkness with only the glow of the dashboard providing light inside the car along with the streetlamps. He made smooth turns with one hand, and drove in practically a straight line with ease despite his other hand being locked around mine.
"it's it ever difficult to do that?" I asked. He glanced over at me and chuckled.
"Not really. My arms and hands are long enough to do it easily. Plus I have good hand eye coordination." he said.
"It really shows," I said eyeing the steering wheel.
"Sports and video games took care of that," he replied.
"But I've barely seen you play with any of your systems since I started living with you." I pointed out.
"The reason is obvious babe." the corners of his lips tipped up and I felt him squeeze my hand. We finally reached an empty stoplight and he turned in his seat and snuck and quick kiss.
"You're pretty much what I want to spend my free time on now. You're all I need," and he returned back to his seat and accelerated. I watched the stores flit by as we passed them. Some had turned in for the evening, but many remained open, each with their heater blasting at maximum capacity to ensure a sanctuary for those who dared to take a stroll outside. I began to recall the times, especially at the beginning, when we were so secretive about being seen together outside of school. Sometimes I wondered why we should be afraid. People knew that Ray had defended me at school, I'm sure of it, and though it didn't prevent any future attempt to bully me it didn't change the fact that it is known that Ray was an ally not an enemy. So what was there to be afraid of? I understood if we were caught displaying our affection, but if we were simply together then surely we could merely state that we were friends, right?
But then there was also the social hierarchy that seemed to be prevalent at schools nationwide. I was curious to know if that influenced any of his decisions to remain hidden, but there was doubt in my mind that it did. He defended me in the eyes of the public, and I'm positive that I was barely above the level of a stain on the floor that they trampled upon from morning till the afternoon.
He rubbed his thumb back and forth against my hand, and we finally came to a slow in front of a cheerily lit bakery with that usual adornments of Christmas themed window stickers pasted smoothly against the glass. The front said in playful letters "The Gift of June" and I understood why the owner decided to choose that name for their shop. When we entered the bakery, one would have to be dead to not fall in love with the scents that existed in that place. It was warm, endearing, and the atmosphere that it created was homely, similar to something that I felt in Regina's home. Ray tousled my hear an I swept my hand across my mouth to ensure there was no saliva that managed to slip out while I was embracing the heavenly aroma.
"Wonderful isn't it?" he asked. I nodded and together we stepped up to the counter and ringed the bell.
"Coming!" a voice form the back trilled. A cheery aged woman swung out from the door behind the counter and came to a abrupt stop in front of us. Her eyes showed laughter lines that allowed me to shrink my defenses a smidgeon, and her grey hair was tied up neatly in a bun. The wired rimmed glasses were set firmly on her nose, and her eyes sparkled with a gleam that was soft but moving. She looked up at Ray, and flashed a grin.
"Why hello Ray, it's nice to see you again!" she sang and gave her head a little shake. She leaned over the counter and Ray received a tight hug from her.
"Yeah, Sorry for not visiting as often as I use to," he chuckled and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Oh that's quite alright, you would've gotten fat if you kept coming her," she said in the process of turning her head towards me.
"And who's the little fellow? Haven't seen him around here before." she said cocking her head with a smile. I tensed up, and managed to hesitantly raise my hand to direct a little finger wave at her.
"He's Levi!" Ray said a little loudly. She squealed and slapped her hand against her knee.
"Well I'll be damned! You finally nabbed the little guy!" she said laughing hysterically.
"Yeah, I finally grew a pair and talked to him," he said pulled me close to his side. I didn't know what to say. I glanced up at him and switched back to her.
"Wha?" was all I could manage.
"Levi, she knows." Ray beamed, "It's alright. She's cool with me and she is also one of the people that bothered to listen to my obsession with you for the past few years."
"Yeah he was head over heels for you alright. Sometimes he got so damned depress when he chickened out of talking to you." she added, her laughter still prevalent in her voice. We stood there for a beat and she rushed over to the side and opened a little waist high door that allowed entrance behind the counter.
"Where are my manners, come in, come in! You know where everything is Ray, just get yourself situated!" she said quickly. I followed Ray and watched her as she closed the door and came to my side.
"I'm so excited to have you here. I've always wanted to see what you looked like in person!" she giggled. Once again didn't know how to exactly react. How did Ray meet all these kind, old people with what seemed like the energy of a teenager?
We took a left into a room that perpendicular to another larger and wider entrance to what I could see was a large kitchen that seemed to be empty of people. The room we arrived at was moderately sized, well kept with a nice yellow painted walls, and various things such as a microwave and a coffee maker along with a fridge. I guess this was the break room. We sat down at a wooden rectangular table and she blatantly observed my physical being with her eyes.
"He wasn't kidding when he said you were a cutey," she grinned. I was a little taken back, though I shouldn't be. I had the same reaction with Rosaline and Patty if I recalled correctly. I assumed it was because she was a person I was not so familiar with.
'T...thank you?" I said. She frowned a little.
"I'm sorry, am I making you uncomfortable?" she asked, and the smile returned, "Its just how I get when I'm excited. Let me start with my name of course. My name's June Peterson, and I own this here bakery." she held her smiled and stared back at me expectantly to follow up with the introductions.
"Um...my name's Levi Colligan...and I'm sitting in the bakery that you own." I said sheepishly. Honestly, I felt like I sounded mildly retarded right there but at least I managed to come up with something remotely close to English. Gold star for effort!
"Ah yes yes I knew that bit, big guy right there talked quite a bit about you." she said with sentiment. She closed her eyes and sighed, "Young love that has been fulfilled at last. You have no idea how happy it makes me to know this big piece of information." She did a little giggle of glee and stood up, "I believe this calls for a little victory cake!" she said and bolted out of the room. I snapped my head in Rays direction, and gave him an inquisitive look.
"What?" he said. My eyebrows were knit together and I shrugged.
"Babe, I couldn't help it. I was crushing on you hard," he said. His cheeks flushed a very, very light tint of red, and he shrunk down a little in his seat. I breathed out a light laugh and Reached over for his hand. He Pulled it away and leaned in with a smirk.
"The price is one kiss to hold my hand," he snickered.
"My ass!" I scoffed and stuck my tongue out. His eyes glazed over a little and a low growl uttered in his throat,
"Babe," was all he said. I bit my lower lip and blushed. We both knew how tempting that was to each other.
Bullshit," I leaned in and kissed him. He pulled my hand into his and squeezed it. When he pulled away his gaze lingered on mine, and he closed his eyes,
"Sometimes it shocks me that you're really here, kissing me and letting me touch you like this." he breathed. I cocked my head and pecked his lips,
"You shouldn't be. you're amazing Ray." I said softly. He chuckled and shook his head, "I'm not as amazing as you make me out to be babe." I playfully smacked his cheek, "neither am I, yet everyone that you introduce me to seems to blow up from excitement from just meeting me." I pointed out.
"But that's because I talked about you for so long!" he protested.
"And? There must have been something that you said that made them so excited." Again he flushed a little.
"I told you how hard I was crushing on you." he sighed. He pulled me out of my chair and into his lap and sat me down, "I wanted you so bad Levi," he murmured and kissed down my neck my neck. I had the sudden urge to spread myself all over the table as the heat coursed through me.
'Careful," I mumbled as his fingertips reached under my shirt and traced my stomach. He kissed his way up and bit down on my ear.
"You're asking for too much," he hissed and licked along the edges. I jumped when I heard someone rapping against the doorway, and I saw June standing there beaming through her glasses with a round, white iced cake with crumbles of something brown on top with small mounds of red and green icing around the edges. I managed a timid smile and she walked over to the table and set the cake down in front of us.
"Young love," she said wistfully and grabbed a knife from the block. Ray tested his luck by sliding his hand over to my crotch and rubbing it with his thumb, and I deterred him with a good swat to the hand. She served us the cake and took a seat by us and gestured us to dig in.
"Would you like to get out of that scary man's lap and sit In a real chair?" she giggled when she noticed Ray reaching around me to get his cake.
"No, he's comfortable right here," Ray said with a mouthful. I glared up at him and he shrugged. I continued glaring at him and he rolled his eyes, "Fine," he said and released me.
"Thank you my lord," I said and sat down in my chair and forked some of my own cake.
"If I offered you my piece would you have stayed?" he said wiping his mouth.
"You mean that one that no longer exists?" I asked eyeballing his empty plate.
"You had your chance!" June let out a bark of laughter and nudged the platter of cake over to him, "Come on Ray, I know you can stomach more than that!" she urged.
"Thanks June," he said and stuck his tongue at me. I flipped him the finger and fixed my attention to June.
"So How did you meet Ray?" I asked her, ignoring Ray's exaggerated reaction to my rude finger raising. She laughed lightly and reached behind and untied her hair, letting a surprisingly large wave of grey hair the went way passed her shoulder.
"Well, I met him when he was just a wee little munchkin of thirteen years old," she recounted as she immersed herself in nostalgia. "He came in here not looking the happiest, and he just had the most sour face ever so I decided to help him a little on that." She looked over at him, and I did the same. He was shaking his head at his plate with a smirk, casually chewing, picturing his old thirteen year old self.
"Ah well, I shouldn't say little. He was tall for his age of course." she placed her fork down and pushed her hair behind her ear, "handsome as he is now of course, just more softer looking that he is now." and she poked her cheeks, "He still had squishy cheeks! now look at him!" She said flinging her hands in his direction, "All hard and chiseled. Dear me, I don't know how you handle him Levi!" she laughed and wiped her glasses off with her shirt. Once she put them back on she turned her eyes to me, "Seriously dear. You seem so soft and delicate compared to him. The contrast is extreme."
"Is that a bad thing?" I asked and cocked my head. I noticed Ray cutting another piece and he flashed me a toothy grin. It shouldn't surprise me, but everything he ate never went anywhere! It just seemed to get tossed into some random void where everything that I've seen him consume so far floats away.
"Actually, not at all." she said switching from me to him, the back at me, "I believe you guys compliment each other quite well."
"I have to be careful. One mistake and I could destroy the little guy," Ray pitched in.
"Will not!" I retorted.
"Yuh huh!" he said reaching over and pinching my cheek. I scoffed and jerked my head away and pinched the burning area, "The only way you'll destroy me is if you fall or roll over me while we're sleeping."
"Well he does have a point," June said rubbing her wrist and wincing a bit.
"Your wrist is hurting again?" Ray stopped and asked. She nodded and released her wrist.
"Cold weather always make my arthritis act up. I swear, first its period cramps and once I do away with those I get another kind of ache," she blew out a puff of air, "Being a woman can be such a pain."
"Yes, males have it all," Ray chuckled and leaned back in his chair with his hands behind his head. She cut her eyes to him and glared.
"Keep in mind what shot you out after about almost twenty hours of labor," she snipped. I felt my eyes widen at him and he raised his hands defensively, "I was a stubborn baby!"
"You're still stubborn even as a man!" June added in.
"Its not something you learned, that's for sure." she said shaking her head. She stood and went over to the coffee maker and poured herself a cup, "Sure gave Helena a hard time when she was around," she said and took a sip without adding any cream or sugar to it. That struck me as a little odd, seeing that she was a baker and all I thought she would've loaded her cup with cream and sugar. After contemplating that my brain finally absorbed that a new name that was once part of Ray's life had been mentioned, and I fixed all my attention on it.
"I tried my best not to make it difficult on her," Ray shrugged. June must've noticed my confused complexion because she explained to mesoon after who she was.
"She was the one that took Ray here when I first met him. She was his nanny" she included and blew into her cup. I glanced at Ray and saw his expression become flat and a little dark. This was a place that we should not be wandering into.
"When did you establish this place anyway?" I deviated from the rocky subject. She looked up with surprise at the sudden question.
"Well I think it was about twenty three years or so ago," she said after a short pause to think. I nodded and she yawned.
"Sorry, its kind of a long day," she apologized. I quickly stood up and gathered the plates.
"Sorry! We didn't mean to stay for too long," I said quickly. She stood up and reached over the table and gently touched my hand.
"Honey it's fine. I'm glad that Ray and you came. it's been a while since I've seen him and it was even better since I finally get to see you in the flesh. Like I said, I've been wanting to take a good look at you myself for a while. Ray just never managed to get around to it till now," she grinned and took the plates from me. I nervously wrung my hands and nodded, and watched her stack the rest of the utensils on the plate.
"You guys are here to get some stuff to take home as well, right?" I nodded over and looked over at Ray who silently stood up and came over picked up the plate of cake and walked out in the direction of the kitchen. June's eyebrows knitted together and tightened her lips.
"Dear me. He's upset again." She said quietly.
"He doesn't really hesitate to show it, does he?" I asked. She shook her head.
"I've known him for a good five years. He's comfortable enough to show something at least. What worries me is that he never says anything about what's bothering him." She set the plates down and touched my shoulder. I flinched and she backed away a little.
"Sorry," I mumbled. She smiled sweetly at me and tucked a stray hair behind her ear.
"Don't be. I know you don't know me all that well but Levi," she said and touched my shoulder again. I resisted the impulse this time and focused my attention on her.
"Don't let him hush up around you. Get him to talk, please? It makes me worried sick about what goes on up there whenever he changes suddenly like this. I have an idea of what could be bothering him, but he never really confirms it."
"And if I can't get him to talk?" I asked, knowing full well that I could if I nudged at the right spot.
"You'll probably get an urge from time to time to give him a good hand to that stubborn face to get even a word out of him." she said with a forced laugh. She picked up the plates and exited the room, leaving me alone. I stared at the door and took note of my accelerated heartbeat. I sat on the edge of the table and shook out the tension in my muscles. It wasn't hard to make the connections of what had triggered him this time. Ray appeared at the doorway and looked at me with dull eyes. I reached out to him and he took my hand in his and drew me into a tight hug.
"Sorry," I whispered. He kissed the top of my head and rubbed my back, "Its not your fault," he mumbled. We pulled ourselves apart and wrapped ourselves in our lightweight defense against the chill outside. We made our way to the front and June followed soon after. Ray didn't even have to say anything, she just simply took out a box and piled multiple pastries into it.
"You want anything specific?" Ray asked me. I shook my head no and he gave e a little poke with his elbow, "Don't be shy."
"I'm fine. I trust her judgment," I assured. She finished packing the box and settled it down on the counter next to the register and pushed it towards us, "Enjoy boys! Span this out over the week and not within the next few hours," she instructed. Ray took his wallet out from his back pocket and she placed her hand on top of the register,"Now Ray. You know your money's no good here."
"Come on June. Its not like making these doesn't take some money!" He urged.
"Yeah, but a few little things doesn't make a difference. I get quite a good amount of business," she reasoned. He rolled his eye with an exasperated expression and placed thirty dollars down on the counter with one hand and scooped up the box with another.
"Damn it Ray! You know I can't chase after you that fast!" she cried out from behind us.
"Gotta do what you gotta do!" Ray called back behind him. He walked out the door and I hesitantly lingered behind.
"Levi, be a dear," she said holding out the money.
"Um....it was nice meeting you!" I said quickly and darted out. A light blanket of snow had begun falling and we took shelter inside the car. Ray handed me the box and I placed it in my lap. He started the car and we pulled out onto the road and backtracked our way home. He was silent throughout the car ride, barely saying anything again, letting the thoughts inside his head clink around and conflict with the more pleasant ones. I reached over and rubbed his shoulder, and he reached up and held my hand there. At a stoplight he closed his eyes for a few beats and opened them again just when it turned green. We pulled into the driveway and made our way inside. He illuminated the house, or at least part of it, and walked over to the table and placed the box down. I took off my gloves and scarf and threw them onto the sectional. He ignored the box and instead and walked over to me. he held my face in his hands and kissed me. I closed the gap in between us and let his lips work their magic at making my toes curl and communicate the sadness that had been inflicted upon him.
"Sorry if I made you uncomfortable back there," he whispered with his eyes closed. I kissed him.
"Its ok. I'm fine."
"I hate that I'm sensitive to something as stupid as this." he lifted me up and carried me over to the sectional where we laid down. I snuggled into his chest and stared at our dim reflection on the screen of the huge, glossy TV.
"I don't think it's stupid."
"Its not like my parents were like your dad." he said, his voice tightening. I stopped breathing momentarily and shivered. He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head.
"Sorry. Didn't mean to bring that up," he apologized. I did my best to muster up a smile when I looked up at him, "Its cool," I said. He cracked a smile himself and kissed the tip of my nose, "You're so cute." he crooned. I snuggled into him and moved around to get comfortable.
"Easy there," he warned. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Seriously?" I scorned. He shrugged and tousled my hair.
" Can you blame me when you're on top of me and moving around?" he smirked, "You're practically asking for it."
"I'm just trying to get comfortable!"
"Comfortable for my dick?" he asked hopefully. I shoved a pillow into his face and rolled off of him, "Men!" I shouted going over to the box. He came up behind me and pressed his crotch against my butt.
"You may be the cute little bottom but that doesn't change the fact that you're a boy," he began and dropped his voice down low as he came close to my ear, "And that you want me just as bad as I want you."
I shook my head with a light laugh and opened the box to reveal the rather scrumptious looking pastries.
"Will you be willing to forget about your dick and my ass for a moment to eat some of this?" I asked looking back up at him. He bit his lower lip and released me.
"You know me too well," he grumbled and took one from the box, "But I'm still gonna think about that ass!". I giggled and selected on for myself and bit into it. Tangy raspberry and creamy cheese blew up in my mouth and my eyes nearly rolled back in their sockets. This thing tasted like a little piece of freaking heaven!
"I see you like it," Ray chuckled, watching me devour it.
"Don't judge," I said stuffing it in.
"Don't worry. I was just the same way," he said cramming it into his mouth.
"Was? you still are!" I tried to laugh but choked instead. Ray rushed into the kitchen and came out with two tall glasses of milk and handed it to me. I gulped it down and forced the lump of carbs down.
"Slow down babe. I don't want you to die because you were cramming food in your mouth."
'Oh shut up!" I gasped and cut my eyes to him, "You only have a problem with it because I'm not swallowing your cock instead!"
"I doubt you could take it down your throat on the first go," he said rubbing the back of his neck. The bulge in his jeans because more prominent again and he sucked in some air.
"Oh man....nice," he hissed and shoved some food in his mouth.
"Pleasant pictures?" I inquired. He reached down and adjusted himself some.
"More than pleasant babe."
"Obviously," I said dusting off my hands and walking over to him. I stared up into his eyes devilishly and fiddled with the button on his jeans.
"Really Levi? Really?" he groaned when I started with the zipper.
"Its hot in here, and you jeans look uncomfortable." I murmured and kissed his neck. I rubbed his cock through his boxers and he placed his hands on my shoulders and held me at arms length.
"Shower, now." he said urgently.
"We just took one!" I shouted! And with me in his arms he shot upstairs, turned on the shower and had me naked, wet and moaning.
"Damn it Levi," he said pressing me against the shower wall and attacking my neck.
"You make me want you so damn bad," he growled and sunk his tongue into my mouth with a fistful of my hair.
"You make me want to do everything with you," he breathed and pinched my nipples. I cried out and pulled him close.
"You drive me insane and I can barely control myself," he hissed and massaged my ass with his hands.
"But despite all this I can't touch that part of you. Your your purity and innocence, when it comes to that is still there and I feel like I can't touch it...not yet," he sighed and rubbed my hole. I jutted my ass out as my pucker quivered and twitch, and I could feel him vibrate with lust. He returned his lips to mine and continuously drove me wild with just the simple act of touching such an area.
"I don't want to hurt you Levi," he whispered. I opened my eyes and stared up at him.
"You won't," I replied. He shook his head and kissed me.
"You don't always understand. Sometimes I will hurt you and it scares the living fuck out of me thinking that I might do that." he explained. I bumped my head against his chest and moaned as he applied some pressure.
"You're drifting towards a serious subject like that and you're still continuing to play with me!" He reached down and brushed his fingertips across the tip of my erection.
"Sorry. You just look really damn cute all red and hard," he snickered. I squirmed in my bindings and he held on tighter.
"I've said it before and I'll say it again. You make no sense sometimes!!!" I wailed and struggled. He laughed and kissed up and down my neck while trying to tickle me.
"If we slip and die it's all on you!" I shouted.
"I wonder if we'll still be hard if that were to happen," he said, looking as though he was legitimately thinking about it. I rolled my eyes.
"Yes Ray, rather than ponder the various other mysteries of life, lets think about whether or not we'd still be horny teenagers when we die."
"I don't know about you, but I'm really wondering if that's gonna happen."
"Sometimes I wonder what goes on up there," I said slapping my palm to my face.
I felt his finger under my chin as he lifted my ac up so he could stare into my eyes.
"A lot of times you're what's running around up there Levi. Whether or not you're naked, it's you I'm thinking about," he said, and lowered hi lips to mine. He kissed me slow and sensually, moving his lips against mine, pulling me closer while the water ran down our warm bodies.
"Don't be so afraid Ray..." I whispered.
"I can't stop Levi," he said and pressed me against the cool glass. He bit down on my neck and slowly stroked me. I closed my eyes and felt him pull my hair and push his tongue in my mouth. I moaned and felt him lift me up, causing me to instinctively wrap my legs around his body. He began rubbing the head of his dick against my hole, and even with the constant running water I could feel the slickness of his precum that spewed forth from his massive shaft
"I want you to be mine Levi..." he sighed and pressed his forehead against mine.
"Then why don't you do it already?" I asked.
"Because the timing isn't right." he mumbled. He lowered me and turned off the water, opened the door, and reached for a towel to dry me off before he dried himself off. He led me to the bedroom and pulled me down onto the bed, throwing his legs over me and squeezing me tightly.
"you function well as a teddy bear," he chuckled. I rolled my eyes and tried to push him away, but I was unsuccessful.
"When are you gonna stop trying to be stronger?" he laughed and kissed the top of my head.
"When you stop being big and strong?" I grumbled.
"Which is never." and he released me. I crawled on top of him and felt him getting hard.
"When are you going to stop getting hard so easily?!" I giggled.
"When you stop being sexy...which is never!" he pushed me by the back of my head and crushed his lips against mine. His finger traced circles around my hole and he chuckled when he looked at my blushing face while I moaned and whimpered.
"You gotta stop being so cute you know that?"
"Sh...shut up..." I shuddered. He pulled me down and gave me a squeeze. He paused for the moment and I saw his eyes flick to his wrist.
"That was a really nice watch Levi...thank you." he said, his voice low and full of love. He rubbed my back and turned to the side, and slipped out of bed. I got up to follow him, but he pushed me down on the bed.
"Stay here babe, I'm just turning off the lights and locking up the house." He said, and smiled. I kept looking up at him. For some reason I didn't even want to leave his side for one moment. Something was pulling me to him, making me want to attach myself to him. He held my gaze, sighed, and chuckled. He scooped me up in his arms and carried me out of the room, and I helped him switch of the lights in the parts of the house that we were in. He set the alarm, lifted me back up, and carried me back into the room. Once there, he pulled the covers over us and pulled me into him. His hand searched down low no for my crotch, but for my hand. He slid his fingers in between mine, and nestled his chin onto my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek.
"Goodnight Levi, I love you." He whispered. I smiled in the dark and pushed back against him. He began getting hard, but he didn't do anything about it. I turned over and kissed him tenderly on the lips, and he responded with endearing affection. His warm body wrapped around mine, and I snuggled into his chest.
"You're more than welcome Ray. Goodnight, I love you too."
I closed my eyes and listened to nothing but the sound of his heart beating, a sounds that was more than enough to lull me to sleep.
I awoke the next morning, Hearing the sound of fumbling metal. I looked over and saw Ray sitting at the edge of the bed, looking at the watch again. This time it was turned over so I could see the very faint lines of the words I had engraved on here. He ran his fingers over them, touching them in what seemed would be the way he would touch me when things weren't sexual. He sighed, slipped the watch back on and slowly slipped back into the bed. I closed my eyes and kept my breathing steady. I heard his sigh and rub what I assumed was his face from the sound of skin making contact with his rough stubble. I felt him kiss the top of my head, and that was when I decided to reopen my eyes again.
"Morning beautiful." he said, and flashed a grin. I hoisted myself up and crawled into his lap, rubbing my hand against his chest and using the other to hold his head as I gave him his morning kiss. This adoring man, what would I do without him?
Sleep well?" I asked. He nodded and lowered himself down, and I followed.
"With you here it's almost always a good sleep." he grinned. I knew he was referencing to the episodes I had at night, but that didn't matter. At least he wasn't afraid to talk about it. I admired his ability to be so open about so many things. On the other hand, I knew he had so much locked up. I hated that, but it wasn't as if I didn't have any either. The problem was that I felt as if he had more tucked away than I did. We didn't really talk about him, the subject was always me. A small rise of guilt rose in me. I felt so selfish whenever I thought about that. I didn't want this relationship to always be about me, but somehow we always come back in a circle to where I'm the subject once more rather than he was. But what could I do? It was up to him to reveal that. In due course, I'm sure everything would be completely let out, and there would be no more hiding. There was the question of when that would be, but the fuck if I knew. Our relationship wasn't exactly normal to a degree, but nonetheless it was a blissful one that I would never give up. He rolled me down to the bed and intensified the kissing, making sure our morning woods were extra hard and wet before we decided to cut it off and get ready for the day. We went through the normal routine, voices ringing the air followed with the smack or two. Maybe a moan. The windows were uncovered and light flooded the room. The sky was overcast but it still casted a nice glow to the large house. I followed him into the kitchen and we just grabbed whatever appealed to us. It was getting close to the time to cook again, so I lagged behind and stared inside, wondering what we should eat. I didn't want to go out to eat all the time because not only was Ray deprived of them, but also because of the other benefits that came along with it. It was typically cheaper, an aspect that always shined no matter how much money Ray had, it was healthier, it honed my skills, it was relaxing, you can actually see what's going into your food. The list was quite lengthy, but mostly I enjoyed cooking for myself and for Ray. It made me happy when I see him wolfing down food. I'm sure it made him happy whenever I cooked for him. In a way I always connected cooking with love. If I cooked for someone, or tried to, it means I love them. That was the reason why I tried when I was younger. I loved my dad.....I had hope. I wanted to earn his love because I loved him. Now I was a little sketchy, but he is my father...something I could never erase. But the love for him now was feeble and weak....I was sure it would die at some point. Despite that, it did not liberate me from the pain. It did not release me from the torture, nor did it erase the years that I endured. The memories would always be there.....the best I could do was be strong and allow the pain to subside. In the meantime, the wounds were still fresh and I was doing my best to tend to them with Ray's help. Pain is a feeling I knew all too well, and I'm tired of it. Pain and fear, regret, sorrow, all were too common in my life. I closed the fridge and glanced over at Ray. Now was the time to move passed that and embrace the new feelings that have recently entered my world.
I took my food and sat down next to him and watched him flip through the news on his phone. Eventually he turned to sports, which wasn't anything new. I didn't take much interest in sports, but I was always curious as to see what grabs his interest. It usually wasn't much, but hey, it's not like my reading or knitting thrills him either. I felt him reach over and rub my thigh without taking his eyes off of the screen. A gentle squeeze, a musical tap or two, I absorbed everything and analyzed it. As odd as to say it actually felt good. I appreciated every touch that he landed on me. It made me feel like I wasn't repulsive and I'm worthy of his time. I get it, it's a little excessive to say that but it's true. I don't exactly worship the man but I put him in very high esteem considering how much he's done. How could one not? When one rescues you from a nightmare is it not surprising when that person has some feel of adoration for their hero?
What a strange way to view your boyfriend. Well to me it kind of was. How often does one get to say that the person they loved saved them? How often can one say they saved them from oneself? I guess I'm one of the lucky few...it was sad that I had to be saved, but at least I was rescued before it was too late.
We both finished our food and I gathered and washed the plates. I didn't like to let them pile up because they were such a bitch to wash when they were all in a jumbled mess. I heard Ray behind me and he hugged me, resting his cheek on top of my head. I closed my eyes and let out a light laugh. I never got tired of this. After this he'd turn me around and kiss me, and then we would finally start the day. I wonder what we're doing today...