'Hey Mom!' He said and leaned back against the counter. I sucked in some air and turned off the sink and stood there staring. He glanced at me, gave me a thumbs up, and continued talking.
'Nothing. Just hanging out with a friend.' he said, and glanced at me once more. I bit down my lower lip and wrung my hands while I shifted my gaze to the calendar and counted the days till they were suppose to arrive. Oh my god it seems so freakin close! I looked at Ray, and he mouthed, 'It's ok,' and returned to his conversation, which took a bad turn. His broad smile began to shrink and bend into a frown.
'What?' He said standing up straight. 'Why not?!' He shouted. He started to breathe harder, and I could see anger beginning to show in his eyes. Fear began to stir in my chest. 'Uh huh...you can't be serious!' he said, his voice rising higher and higher as the conversation progressed. All of the sudden, he stopped breathing. 'Ok...' he mumbled, and pushed a button. He stood there, staring at his phone for a few seconds, nostrils flaring, shaking with rage. He bellowed out a roar and launched his phone at the wall behind me. I shoved myself flat against the fridge half a second before the sound of cracking plastic filled my ears and bits of whatever pieces came from the phone flew in multiple directions. I flinched when a piece hit my cheek, and I turned my head in the direction of Ray, who was fuming.
'It always fucking work with them!' He yelled and smacked the wall with his hand.
'Work this, work that, always...'and he punched the wall 'fucking...' another punch...'WORK!!!' and the wall crumbled beneath his fist and formed into a gaping hole. I stood there staring blankly at Ray. He was screaming and waving his arms around, punching the wall and causing dents in it. My lip began to quiver and my mind disengaged from my body for a few seconds. Before I knew it, I scrambled across the floor, ignoring the sharp stabbing pain in my foot and hugged Ray tightly, pressing my face against his back.
'Ray, stop!!!' I cried. I hated anger. I hated seeing it, I hated feeling it, and I hated it in all its form. I lived with it all my life and I didn't want to see it again. In my mind shot by fast forwarded clips of what anger did. The years of fear, pain, sadness, and I couldn't handle it. I felt a tear push its way up my ducts and onto my face as I hugged him tightly and tried to calm him down.
'Stop...god Ray, please stop....'I sobbed into his back. I squeezed my eyes shut and tightened my arms around his body.'Just stop...' I whispered. His muscles relax, and his short rapid breaths started to become slow even ones. I felt Ray's hands pull my arms off of him, and then I him pull me into a bone crushing hug. I opened my moist eyes and gazed up at him, and saw the anger was draining away rapidly.
'I gotta stop making you cry...' he said softly with an apologetic look on his face. I sniffled and wiped my face with my sleeve.
'No, no, lemme get that...' and he lifted his shirt and began wiping my face with it.
'It's alright,' I hiccupped, and gently pushed his hand down.
'It's not alright...ok?' and he proceeded to dry my tears. 'I know how much it scares you when I get angry, and I'm sorry you had to see that.' He said gently, and pushed my face into his chest. 'It's just they just told me they weren't coming home and well...you know how upset I get when that happens.' he explained barely above a whisper. A sob slipped by and I buried my face back into his chest with my eyes still open.
'Just stop...' I barely said. It wasn't towards Ray though. It was to me. I was telling my mind to stop hurting me and just stop remembering.
After that little episode Ray carried me up to bed and stripped both of us down. He pulled me down into bed, both of us facing each other. The only source of light was a small lamp on Ray's desk, which gave the room a smooth, orange glow and also slightly softened Ray's rugged features.
'I'm sorry....' He said softly, and brushed a lock of hair from my eyes.
'Please don't be Ray,' I said with a small smile to make it more convincing.
'I can't help it, you know I don't like making you upset,'
'But it wasn't on purpose right?' I knew the answer to that one, but I wanted him to hear it.
'Of course not!'
'Exactly. You didn't mean it Ray, that's all that matters...' I said softly. He chuckled and I felt him lean in and his warm breath drifted across my lips.
'Why would I ever want to hurt such a sweet boy?' He asked, and he leaned in so close that I could practically feel his lips already touching.
'Because sweet things are bad for you,' I giggled.
'Smartass,' he chuckled, and pressed his lips again mine. He rolled over so he was on top of me, and lifted himself slightly and pulled away.
'You know if we already had sex this would go differently right?' and he kissed my neck. Immediately I felt a pang of guilt go through me. This always seemed to be an issue, and like I said before, it's not like I didn't want to it's just the difficulties, the fear. I felt like I wasn't prepared yet. Physically I would grant him access, but mentally, I still had my guard up. I couldn't get it to go down though, and that shield was always there with my cautious conscience behind it, leaning back against it and bracing itself against all attempts and always waiting for the future ones.
'Just a little longer Ray...' I said and placed my hand on his cheek.
'No pressure babe, nice and easy' he said with a smile, and turned his head and kissed my palm. 'Though that's not how I'm going to give it when the time finally comes' and his loving smile turned into a mischievous one. I smiled back and pulled him down for a kiss and teased the edges of his lips with my tongue while he allowed his entire lower body to descend on top of me. His cock was pressed between our warm bodies and sprang to life, and I moved my torso against it. I heard a low growl rumble in his throat, and all I could do is smile and grind against him some more. During this kiss though, I began to wonder. What would it be like if we had sex already? Would anything be different? Would I feel any different? Would he feel any different?
Later that night, I woke up to an uncomfortable, unsheltered feeling. I sat up and realized that I had free movement. I touched the spot where Ray was supposed to be, and could feel the warmth radiate from the sheets, showing that he had just gotten up. I strained my ear and I could hear his slightly muffle footsteps as he made his ways downstairs. I blinked and few times and yawned, wondering what he was doing up so late. It couldn't be to pee because we had a bathroom right here, and it was way too early to exercise. My question was answered when I heard the faint sound of the cabinet opening and a clink of glass hitting one another. That was simple, he was just thirsty! I fell back into bed and curled up into a tight ball, waiting for Ray to return and wrap his protective arms around me once more and rely on him to keep me warm rather than these covers. However, before drifting off to sleep I heard something that seemed a bit odd. It wasn't the sound of running water that got my attention, but it was the sound of Ray letting out a gruff sigh and slamming the glass down on the counter before what I believed was him spitting. I rolled out of bed and took a few hesitant steps towards the doorway, wondering whether this was necessary. He's just spitting, was there a crime against that? It wasn't just the spitting though. That gruff sigh, the slamming of the glass, it all reminded me of my dad. I shuddered as a cold chill ran up my spine and I leaned against the wall with my hand on my pounding heart. My father. I bit down on my lower lip and raised my head towards the ceiling, taking in a deep breath and clenching my fist. I always took extra care to avoid thinking about him at night, but he managed to slip past my defenses once in a while. It just seemed like at night the feeling would be more intense and since it was dark, it was like providing my mind with a canvas to display a whole reel of him right before my eyes. Drunk or sober, it showed it all, everything except for a smile. Not a the drunk smile that he would get when he was making stupid remarks with his friends, but that warm loving smile that a father could only give to their child. Every expression was there except for that one. I sighed and slowly walked over to the curtains, threw them open and allowed the faint moonlight to stream into the room. The moon wasn't full, but there was just enough light for me to see something of myself. I pressed my hand against the glass and my breath fogged it up. I wiped it away and stared out into the night. Night was suppose to sooth a person to sleep, yet it did the opposite for me. I remembered nights where I would bolt up in bed drenched in sweat, screaming a majority of the time and always shaking uncontrollably. The nightmares were always the same but they came in different forms. God I could never get those images out of my head. I was so tempted to step outside. I just wanted to step out onto the balcony and let the icy air freeze my body so I could melt away in the morning and drip away into the world. I turned away and climbed back into bed, leaving the window uncovered to allow the faint, soothing rays to enter the room. I drew the covers up to my face and curled up and stared at where Ray would usually lay, waiting for his return. I needed him to be here if I wanted to sleep again. His protective arms always made me feel so safe and just knowing he was there in case a nightmare did come placed my mind at ease. I've become so dependent on him for my emotional needs. I guess it's because for so many years of keeping my inner demons at bay, I had grown weary of doing that and I was more than happy to have assistance in such a tiring task. One can only take so much alone. I blew out a soft sigh of content when I heard Ray enter the room and walk over to the side of the bed. He slipped slowly under the covers and carefully wrapped his arms around me and pressed his body against my back, and kissed my cheek. Hopefully one day Ray would allow my old guard to retire and drift away while he picked up the shield and became my own guard.
In the middle of class, I for once took note of something else besides the teacher's gentle voice lecturing the class about the history of Europe. I took notice of the various Christmas decorations that were taped here and there, the life that existed for once in the students as they whispered about plans for the upcoming break, the calendar's month, and then Christmas Day itself. My heart began to increase its pace, and my eyes widened at the thought. This was going to be my first Christmas as well. I stared blankly at the teacher at her podium while excitement, fear, and confusion mixed with each other in my chest. My first Christmas. I repeated it over and over in my head and yet it didn't seem to process all the way. The gears in my mind seemed jammed by this new product entering the conveyor belt of my mind. Things began piling behind it and before I knew it, my mind was a frenzy with unanswered questions piling higher and higher till it was all I could think about. My very first question was not who I give gifts to, due to obvious reasons, but what in the world to give them! Then it's where to get the gifts, how to get there, how to hide them, how to even wrap them since I was with Ray practically 24/7! I rested my head on the desk and breathed out a silent sigh. My first Christmas. I began thinking how it would be like, how it would feel to be surrounded by people with smiles while passing around colorful wrapped items. How would it feel? Would it feel like I always thought it would feel? Would the day be like how I always imagined it to be? I thought about the tree, which then halted all my thoughts. We didn't even have a tree yet! I sat upright in my seat and I began thinking about the various trees that I have seen in my life. From simple to extravagant, they always caught my eye even when they were bare. Whenever passed by them on the streets behind spotless glass windows, I would often stop and stare while the feeling of yearning was triggered and caused the void in my heart to grow and pulse with life, further heightening my feeling of loneliness. Sometimes if I could bear the sight, I would step inside the store where there were families all together, smiling and deciding which tree would be perfect to place into their warm, loving home. Besides the feeling of loneliness, I would also begin to feel jealousy adorned with sadness for what I thought I would never experienced. On the verge of tears I would return home to a cold and empty house filled with the vile stench of alcohol, and tuck myself into my dimly lit room and try to distract myself with something, anything to push and suppress my imagination from being active until the next day.
I blew out a puff of air and leaned back in my seat and glanced at the clock. We still had a few minutes until the next period, and kids were already beginning to pack their stuff and augment the volume of their voices to overcome the volume of another. I sat in my corner, watching, thinking. What kind of Christmases did they have? Was it nice and cheery or was it spent alone? Maybe some of them didn't even celebrate it. Often when I look at a stranger I would wonder what were their lives liked behind closed doors, and whether or not their ways at school matched their true personality at home when they were with family. Maybe, just maybe, some of them went through the same thing I did.
'So what are you doing for Christmas?' Regina asked and pulled out a Subway bag from her backpack.
'Just staying at home and celebrating with some family members. Nothing special really,' I said with a soft smile. Little did she know, this was exceptionally special, my home was a place that I sometimes got lost in, and my 'family' was existent in my life for only a few months!
'What about you?' I asked, and cocked my head. She bit into her sandwich, chewed for a moment, and then swallowed.
'Same thing, except everyone in my family is going to be there, from the youngest of monsters to the oldest of farts,' she said and chuckled, but then shuddered 'You won't believe how far things can sag when you're that old,' I laughed out loud and stretched.
'Hey Levi, do you have problems?' she asked. I stopped at midstretch, and then lowered my arms and stared at her.
'What do you mean?' I asked, trying my best not to allow my voice to quiver. Fear raked it's ugly claws against my heart as it began to pound in my chest.
'Well, when I say that I meant are you like, starving yourself or something?' and she swallowed a bit of her sandwich. In my head I breathed out a sigh of relief and booted the fear out of my body.
'What, why would you think that?' I asked, leaning forward and furrowing my eyebrows.
'Well, I've never seen you eat, and you seem so thin and well...pale. I thought something was up you know?' She explained and set her sandwich down on the wrapper. I smiled and the poked my tummy.
'It's just the way I am. I eat of course, but I just don't gain weight that easily,'
She sighed and pinched at her gut, and then looked at me. I could see the envy in her eyes when she stared at my thin body and slender face. I honestly felt bad because though it may be unintentional, I felt as though I was showing off to her by telling her I could eat and not gain a pound. Another thought about a person came into my mind. What was it like to be fat?
'Well then...' she said and picked up her sandwich, 'If you're not a hypocritical manorexic then eat some of this,' and she waved it in front of my face, 'I recently watched this documentary thing on it, and it got me thinking that you may be a possible candidate.'
'Do you mind?' I asked just following it with my eyes. It actually smelled pretty good, and my mouth began to water.
'Nah, just take a big ol bite out of this sucker,' she said and jabbed it towards me. I smiled and took it into my hands, and bit down on the delicious sandwich. I handed it back to her and chewed with a triumphant look, then swallowed and opened my mouth to show that I swallowed it, then again it's not like it could go anywhere else.
'Alright them, I believe you,' she said simply and took a swift bite. At ease, I quickly took the conversation away from this in order to avoid further questions. That was way too close to comfort in my eyes.
'So what do you want for Christmas?' I asked twiddling my thumbs.
'Gastric Bypass surgery,' she said with a smile. I couldn't decide whether or not she was serious, but if she was, I wasn't on board with that idea. I mentally took papers out of a file labeled 'Horrors of Gastric Bypass Surgery' and shuffled them into a neat pile, waiting to be used.
'You know what they gave me last year? A Treadmill!' she said and flopped her sandwich down. I cringed at the thought of getting a treadmill for Christmas, what kind of present was that! It's ok if you asked for one, though I will admit it's a bit too much.
'Very fucking subtle of them. No shit I'm fat, it's that or I've been pregnant with some freakish alien baby.' And she picked it back up and took an angry bite, 'Jesus I don't need a daily news flash from them. I know what I am!' she said chewing fiercely. She swallowed, and her eyes sunk to her lap. 'I'm so sick of hearing about weight loss and health, almost everyone talks about it!' Her voice began to quiver as she choked and stumbled over her words and ball up her fists into her hands.'If I was nothing but a stick I bet they would be happy...' I stood up and rushed around the table and placed my arm around he shoulders and lowered myself to eye level.
'Regina...' I said softly. She kept her eyes fixed to her lap, and a tear fell and made a dark spot on her sweats.
'Regina, look at me,' I said softly to her. She turned her head towards me, and brushed the hair out of her eyes.
'Cliched as this may be, but never...EVER lose weight for someone else. You have do it for yourself, and yourself only. What happens if that person is gone one day? What will happen then? All that work will be undone. This has to be for you. You see yourself in the mirror every day, you pick your own clothes, you choose what to say, and you control you. Only you can change your body, so why let other people control you when you're the one that holds all the power?' I said and squeezed her shoulder. She smiled, and brought her hand up and wiped her tears away.
'You're right...thanks Levi,' she said, and pulled me into a hug. I sucked in some air as an urge to push her away flared up, followed by a cold chill that coursed through my body. Reluctant at first, I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and gave her a squeeze. It's just a hug. There was nothing wrong with a hug, especially when a friend needed it the most, right? Even as I tried to rationalize with my mind and fight back the urge, it was still there, pushing and shoving its way through my brain in attempt to jump on the highway of nerves and propel my hands forward to push her away. However, I was able to remain strong, and resist this urge. Sometimes, all a person needs is a hug just to feel better, nothing else.
Later that night, I was sitting in bed reading a book, and Ray was on his computer clicking away. The only source of light was on his desk, a little fluorescent lamp shining away and casting shadows across the dimly lit room. I turned a page, and followed the many words rapidly with my eyes, which came to a halt once I heard Ray's voice pierce the pleasant silence in the room.
'Levi,' Ray called.
'Mm?' I responded without taking my eyes from the book.
'Come over here,' Ray said. I closed the book, crawled off the bed, and walked over to where Ray was. I placed my hands over his shoulders, and saw that he was looking at a long list of cellphones.
'Come here babe,' he growled, and pulled me into his lap and gave me a smooch on the cheek. I giggled, and nuzzled his neck before kissing his rough, stubbled skin. I then pressed my lips against his, and gave him a long kiss and opened my mouth slightly, teasing his tongue with mine and beckoning it cross over. Ray gladly obliged and flicked his tongue into my mouth and let out a low groan when I reached down and rubbed his rising tent with my finger tips.
'Careful babe,' he groaned, and I continued teasing this. 'Keep this up and I'm going to have to turn on some porn.'
'You watch porn?' I asked, and kissed him again.
'Use to,' he answered and began sucking on my neck. 'I think about you when I jack off now,' he growled, and returned his lips back on mine. I breath out a soft moan, and felt my dick twitch when he tweaked my nipple through my shirt.
'Now...' and he pulled his lips from mine and shifted his gaze from me to the computer. 'What do you think of these cellphones?' he said. I turned my head and looked from one phone to the next. I've seen them before, and they were popular among the students, but I've never actually owned one for reasons that are linked the lack of friends in my life.
'They're nice...' I said softly, and returned my attention to Ray and began kissing his neck.
'That's it? Nice?' He chuckled and kissed the top of my head.
'Well what else do you want me to say?' I said and moved my head out from under his kiss.
'Well which one catches your eye?' And he squeezed me. I looked at the phones once more. To be honest, all of them looked rather sleek and incredibly appealing, but then rose a question.
'Why?' I asked.
'I just want your opinion babe. I need help deciding!' he laughed. I cocked an eyebrow, and leaned forward a little towards the screen and began scrolling through them. I didn't only look at the appearance of the phones, but the features as well. After maybe twenty minutes of scrolling with the occasional moan and giggle caused by Ray's playful lips, I settled on one.
'This one seems nice,' I said pointing towards the screen and looking up at Ray. He smiled and kissed me on the nose.
'Thank babe, I'll go buy it tomorrow,'
'You're not even going to look at it?' I said cocking my head.
'Nope. I trust your judgment.' He said and lifted me up.
'What if you don't like it?' I asked and he reached over and switched off the lamp.
'I'm sure I will.'
'And if you don't?' and he flopped down on the bed with me in his arms.
'We'll see,' he replied while pulling up the covers.
'Really Ray?' I asked a bit bothered.
'Really Levi,' he said and threw his arms and legs around me.
'We'll see Babe,' he chuckled.
'Alright, I'm gonna go pick up the phone now, K?' Ray said with the door still opened. I haden't even taken off my shoes yet, and Ray was already leaving.
'You're leaving already?' I asked, a bit sullen. I just wanted to spend some time with Ray after the long span of time that we spent apart.
'Don't worry, I won't be gone for long,' he said gently, and pecked me on the lips. I nodded and hugged him. I didn't like it when he left me alone. Every time it just felt like the house was voided of love, warmth, and life itself. It wasn't home anymore without Ray's presence. Just a enormous, beautiful, cold building remained when he walked out that door without me. I lingered in his arms for just a few more seconds, and then he pulled away.
'Don't destroy anything while I'm gone,' he laughed with a wink, I couldn't help but smile and laugh despite the lonely feeling already permeating the air.
'I'll try not to,' I said with my hand on the door. I waved at him as he peeled out the long driveway, and then closed the door as fast as possible to try and keep his warmth inside, but it didn't work. The room felt icy cold, and I hugged myself in attempt to fend off the loneliness that began to attack my mind. I went up to his room and breathed out a long sigh, and took out my assignments and got to work. I didn't want to think about how cold and empty the house felt. I didn't want to think of how I would feel this every day before Ray took me in, with only fear and other dark emotions to keep me company at that time. I held the what felt like a ten ton pencil and dragged it across the paper, trying to focus and push the thoughts and feelings out of my mind. However, what once provided at least a small amount of solace to my mind no longer worked. They floated around on my head, and the feeling intensified as time passed. Soon, the sound of the pencil scratching on the paper grew loud and louder to the point I had to stop to avoid from screaming with irritation. I shoved the chair back and walked briskly downstairs and stood in the middle of the house, eyes darting left to right trying to find something to do. There was the T.V, but that was too well...inactive. Sitting down for long periods of time was not what I was looking forward to. I tilted my head and eyes the door to the gym, but then a slight fog of laziness surrounded me, and I pushed that option away. My eyes then slid towards the kitchen, and I shrugged. What the hell, I'll be standing and moving around, but not too much, so it was pretty balanced. I blew out a puff of air and padded into it, and scanned the fridge to see what ingredients we had left. I made a little mental note that we were running low on food, and had to go shopping soon. I pulled whatever I could out, and set it roughly down on the counter, and began to go to work. After a while of washing, chopping, dicing, and sautéing, a pretty heft plate of vegetable stir fry with little bits of chicken thrown into it was produce. It only took a bit to clean everything up, and when all was done, I leaned back against the counter next to the plate of steaming food. I stared at it, for a bit, and then remembered who I would be eating this with later. Soon, the lonely feeling slinked back into my mind, and smiled mockingly at me. I felt a small hiss slide up my throat, and I covered the plate and went out of the kitchen, onto the sectional, and peeked out the window. I felt like a dog waiting for its master to come home, expecting any moment for his car to come driving up the long driveway, walk through the door, and receive me with open arms and a smile. No matter how hard I wished, Ray did not return home any sooner. I glanced back at the clock, and saw only an hour and a half has pass. I flopped down on the sectional and hugged a pillow. When is he going to come home?
I was laying on the sectional spacing out with an arm and a leg dangling off the side, when I heard the key being slid into the locks on the door. I leapt to my feet and darted to the door with my heart beating wild and excitement shooting to an all time high. I stood a few feet from the door, staring, smiling, waiting. The moment Ray stepped through the door I jumped on him and hugged him tightly and planted multiple kisses all over his face. I heard his laughter boom throughout the now warm and bright house and he wrapped his arms around me and kissed. I pulled away, and nuzzled his neck as he carried me towards the sectional, and set a plastic bag on the glass table before sitting down and kissing the top of my head. I curled up in his lap and breathed out a happy sigh, the smile still stretching the skin on my face. Now that I thought about it, what I did reminded me of what a dog would do.
'You missed me that much?' He chuckled and kissed my cheek.
'Mhmm...' I nodded, His arms felt so wonderful around me, so full of life and warmth. I tilted my face up, and kissed his roughened lips that seemed to have all the love I need coursing through them. He took my face with both of his large, gentle hands and brought my face closer, and just kissed me tenderly. I loved it this way. I love it when he was here. When he was here, it felt warm, comfortable, and safe. It felt like home.
'I,' he said after a while of cuddling, and then looked down and kissed me on the nose ', Got a present for you,' he said and then pointed towards that bag. I gazed over at it, and then up at him.
'Where else did you go?' I asked.
'Go get the bag,' he said with a smile. I crawled off his lap, took the bag, and hopped back on and then looked up at him, unsure of what to do.
'Look inside silly!' he laughed, and pinched my cheek. I opened the bag and looked inside and saw a cellphone box. I pulled it out, and looked up.
'Your phone?' I asked, puzzled.
'Correction,' he said, and reached into the bag and pulled out a box with a different phone printed on it.
'Your phone babe,' he said, and smiled. I stared at it, and felt my jaw drop.
'What?' I asked with disbelief high in my voice.
'It's yours, to use and abuse,' he replied.
'But...Ray...I..I never...what about payment?' I stammered.
'Relax, the contract is signed under my name, and the phone was half off with a new contract,' he said, and brought his hand to the side of my head.
'Not that I wouldn't mind spending money for you,' he crooned, and kissed the side of my ear. I stared at the box in my shaking hands. A phone? My first cell phone? I rotated the box, and examined it.
'Babe...when something for you is in a box, you open it,' he chuckled and took a poke at my sides. I jumped and giggled involuntarily, and then slowly began opening the box. I felt a little twinge of excitement go off in my brain while sliding the pieces of cardboard out of their place. When the last piece was out, the box popped open and revealed the sleek and glossy phone. I stared at it, and hesitantly reached in and slowly pulled it out.
'You like?' He said gently, and rested his chin on my shoulder. I rubbed my thumb against the smooth finish, and then rotated it around in my hand, holding it lightly with fear that I'll break it.
'Then again you did choose it,' he chuckled, and watched as I just examined its physical appearance. Once again unsure of what to do now.
'You wanna turn it on?' He asked. I paused for a minute, and then nodded. I wasn't sure why, but I just couldn't talk. He reached over me, and took the charger out of the box and I slid off of his lap as he went over and plugged it into the nearest socket. He sat back down next to me, took the phone from my hand, slid the charger into the phone, and then pulled me back onto his lap and placed the phone in my hand. After a moment of searching, I found the power button and then pushed it. I jumped as the screen flashed.
'It's a phone, not a bomb babe,' he said and tugged my ear. I stared at the phone, and a panel of little colorful squares came up.
'Go ahead, try it...' he urged, and gave me a small nudge. My finger hovered above it for a moment, and then I looked up at Ray.
'Which one do I press?' I asked timidly. He smiled and then pointed ata panel.
'Let's start with this one,' he suggested softly, and I pressed it. It brought up an empty screen with horizontal lines running down, and at the top it said address book. Simple, and self explanatory to what it was.
'Alright, let me see that for a bit,' and he took the phone from my hands. He fiddled with it for a bit, and within a couple of minutes he returned it to me, and I gazed down at the screen. The first person in there, was Ray.
'Now you can contact me wherever you are, Levi,' he said softly, and kissed my cheek. I giggled, and then turned around and throw my arms around his neck and kissed him.
'Thank you,' I breathed.
'Glad to provide you with what you need,' he said with a wide smile. My thanks to him was not for just the phone, but little did he know it marked the end of times where I would sit in a cold, desolate house knowing for the fact that I have no form of communication with him what so ever. Maybe that would take a few chips off the icy fingers of loneliness that would grip me every time Ray wasn't present in a place that I called home.
'You don't know how much this means to me,' I said softly with my hands on either side of his face.
'Then why don't you tell me?' he said with a little smile remaining. I laughed softly, and brushed a light kiss.
'One day...' I said, and we returned to teaching me how to use my first cell phone.
Later that night, I was walking around when I clumsily tripped over my feet and the phone flew a couple feet and clattered on the tile floor. I felt my heart leap in my chest and I scrambled to the ground and frantically picked it up and clutched it close to my chest. I looked over at Ray and I felt fear building up inside me as I stared at Ray, expecting any moment for him to yell.
'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry!' I apologized over and over again while taking a few steps back. He cocked an eyebrow, and clicked off the TV and walked towards me.
'Levi,' he said in a low voice.
'Sorry!' I shouted. He placed his hands on my shoulders, and lowered down to my eye level.
'Levi, remember, it's a phone, not a bomb,' he said and began to smile. I felt the ballooning fear deflate a little, and I switched my gaze to the ground and squeezed the phone.
'Sorry...' I mumbled. I kept feeling like I did something really bad and I was afraid that it would make Ray angry. It was his money that bought this, and it was my first day getting it too! I didn't want to do any damage to it already, and I didn't want to upset Ray in any way.
'Levi, really it's fine,' he said and pulled out his phone from his pocket.
'Look at this,' he said holding it close to my face. There were scratches all over it, and I thought I saw a dent at the corner.
'Do you know how many times I dropped this?' he asked. I didn't answer.
'More than I can count. And I just got this, so you have nothing to be sorry about. A phone is a phone. It's just an object, and I'd also be a hypocrite if I was angry over that. You have nothing to be worried about. Accidents happen Levi,' He lectured and tousled my hair. 'It's no use crying over spilt milk,' and he went back to the couch. I stood there staring at him for a bit, and then I sat down next to him on the couch and hugged him. It was a bit of an awkward position, but I didn't mind. I just wanted to slip in a little thank you without saying it.
'I love you too,' and he laid down and pulled me on top of him. Much better.
The next day, Ray had just finished giving me a passionate kiss when he pulled away and hugged me.
'Got your phone?' He asked and reached down to groped my pockets. I placed my hand on top of his as he felt the outline of it.
'Yup,' I replied. His hand then moved from my pocket to my crotch.
'Got a hardon?' He said rubbing the outline of my semi hard cock. It didn't take it long for it to strain my jeans once again.
'Ray!' I whined and swatted his hand. He chuckled and kissed my neck.
'What? I like making you hard...' I reached down and squeezed his massive bulge, and I heard him groan.
'Babe, I have a lot harder of a time hiding it than you...' He moaned when I squeezed it again. I pushed away and then began walking.
'Deal with it,' I smirked over my shoulder I only got a few meters away when he ran by and slapped my ass hard in the process.
'Fuck! You douche bag!' I laughed and continued walking, watching his bouncing figure grow smaller and smaller.
I sat down and within a few minutes I was able to drift off into la la land featuring Ray. It was still so new to me, thinking about another person so much besides my dad. I remember the countless days where I would keep my head down, gritting my teeth and digging my nails into the palms of my hands to suppress the urge to cry. It was never completely foolproof, but a majority of the time it worked. Sometimes I tried so hard that the taste of iron would become present in my mouth, or I would open my hand and see crescent, crimson lines. I hate those times. I would always check the time in order to save the last 5 minutes to sit up straight and compose myself. The sight of everyone around me reminded my body that it had to stop, that it had to do whatever possible to suppress the evidence of any emotion that was present at the time. I became lifeless, and then the puppet strings would twitch and tug at my limbs, and I would drift down the halls as a ghost, unseen, silent, and ice cold.
Depressing thoughts, yes, but things were different. Things have change, for the better. My face was still buried into my arms, but in the darkness I could feel a goofy smile slapped onto my face by many memories and fantasies. I was so happy now! A feeling that was still foreign, but slowly I was getting use to it and allowing myself to be submerged into it's warm and inviting aura that benefitted both my body and soul. I stood up and silently slipped out of the classroom to go to the restroom. The teacher really didn't care, he didn't want to know when we needed to relieve ourselves on way or another. We could just get up and go. Sometimes I took advantage of this and slipped out of class early to sit in the library for a while. Once inside the restroom I stood in front of the mirror. I just wanted to see the miraculous changes that had come to my physical self since I met Ray. I didn't look so tired that's one thing, and for once I could see a dim glimmer of life in my eyes. I took a step forward, and smiled. I could see it. For once I could see the happiness in my smile. It wasn't the fake one that I occasionally wore anymore, it was genuinely real! I reach up and touched my lips with my fingertips, and let out a small laugh and relished how I could for once see and express wear the expression of happiness without knowing that it was fake. Suddenly I felt a fit of giggles stirring in my chest, and I covered my mouth and doubled over and tried hard to control the sudden impulse. This feeling, even though it's been months it still felt so new to me. So fresh, so crisp, so wonderful. All these years I've missed so much in my life. It was both heavy and light to me. It overwhelmed me often to the point of tears at time, but light because it was so uplifting and soft What so many don't realized is what kind of blessing it is to smile and feel happiness. I leaned back against the wall and let out a few soft laughs. Maybe that was the purpose of all those years of torment. Maybe it was just life's odd way of teaching me the value of happiness.
Later I was back at the library with Regina, when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I jumped and began to freak out, wondering what the hell was shaking in my pocket, but then I remembered the phone. The only person with my phone number was Ray, so I eagerly pulled it out from my pocket, and opened the text.
'Hey babe, you at lunch?' I read.
'Yes sir,' I tapped in. I looked up from my phone, and Regina silently cocked an eyebrow at me. I tilted my head to the side and gave her a questioning look, and the phone vibrated again.
'I really need a kiss...bad.' I read again. I felt my smile growing with each letter I typed in.
'Come and get it. ;D' and I turned my attention back to Regina. She still had her eyebrow cocked and she tapped her lip.
'What?' I asked and lowered the phone.
'You're smiling like an idiot, that's what,' she giggled 'Got a little lady friend?' I felt my breath caught in my throat, and my face began to burn.
'N-No!' I stammered, and the phone vibrated.
'Meet me in the bathroom at the science hall. Last stall. We'll need lots of space. ;)' I didn't bother to text back, and quickly began gathering my things.
'I gotta go...' I said standing up.
'Oh, kissy kissy? Come on, who is it?' She asked with her hands on the table. I paused, and she leaned forward.
'I'm not seeing a girl!' I squeaked. Technically I was telling the truth but I never faced this situation before so it just made me panic.
'Then who was it?' She asked and threw a chip at me.
'A friend from work,' I lied.
'Some friend,' she said leaning back in her seat.
'He's a good friend!' I pushed.
'Whatever,' she said and rolled her eyes, 'What's your number by the way. Wait, when did you get a phone?'
'I just got it,' I said, and tore a piece of paper and wrote it down for her. 'Text me and I'll get your number by that, bye!' I said, and hurried out of the library. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, and pulled it out to see a text from Regina.
'Yeah, a 'friend'. Don't be silly, wrap your willy!' I read, and I laughed and saved her number while walking. The process of exchanging numbers with a friend gave me a feeling of some degree of normalcy. I mean, it's what I've seen everywhere, be it on TV, computer, real life. It was even in books and porn! Ok maybe the last one wasn't so normal, but I felt like a normal teenager for a split second before I remembered where I came from and why I was the way I was. I blew out a sigh while in my mind I was blowing away the dark cloud that threatened to overcast my bright mood. I arrived at the bathroom door and looked around. The hallways are empty, and I could feel excitement welling up in my chest. What was in store for me?
'This should be interesting,' I said to myself and went inside. Ray was casually leaning against the wall, tapping on his phone. I took a few small steps to him and then cleared my throat. He looked up, and then he flashed me that charming smile.
'About time,' he said and took a long stride over to me. I stepped closer and placed my hands onto his chest.
'Woa,' he said, and took a step back. I gave him a puzzled look, and then he flashed the smile again.
'We need a little more privacy than this babe,' he said motioning to the open space. I followed his hand, and then shifted my gaze back to his face. He motioned me to follow him, and he walked towards the end of the restroom the very last stall. He looked over his shoulder, and I saw the charming smile had been replaced with one of mischief. He pushed it open, and then jerked me inside and latched the lock and turn towards me.
'Now...' he growled, and pressed me against the wall and crushed his lips against mine. I let out a breath of surprised but quickly feel into the passion. His hand lifted my sweater and traveled across my torso, and I giggled when he light brushed his finger against my side. He quickly silenced that by gently biting and giving it a small tug before forcing his tongue into my mouth. I stopped his tongue with my own and began sucking on it. He began undoing my jeans and within no time he had my dick out and was rapidly stroking it. I pulled away and breathed out a loud moan, and grabbed his hand.
'Stop...Ray...stop...' I panted, and tightened my grip. He chuckled, and licked the edges of my lip.
'Close already ?' and gave my dick a squeeze.
'Yes!' I squealed, and shuddered. He released me and then kissed my forehead.
'I'm gonna drain you dry when the time comes,' he said softly and then hugged me. He gave me a long and slow kiss and I pressed my fingertips lightly into his chest, letting his heartbeat pound itself into them to allow some of his life into me. Call it clichéd , but it felt like something was flowing inside me every time we touched. An odd flowing rush that would snake its way through my veins and filled every part of me with a wonderful warm pulse. I smiled in the middle of the kiss, and pulled away.
'Is this why you got me a cellphone?' I said, and I rubbed his bulge.
'Of course noooot,' he said slyly and pecked me on the nose.
'Bullshit!' I laughed and playfully shoved him away.
'Aw come on babe, don't be like that,' he said and pulled me towards him.
'No!' I giggled and pretended to fight back. I allowed him to pull me into a hug, and he buried his nose in my hair.
'You smell a lot better than this stink hole,' he mumbled, and rubbed it back and forth.
'And if I didn't?' I asked, and stifled a laugh.
'Babe, we take like, a million showers in a week. If you still stunk by then I think I would have to dunk you in bleach and Lysol the living crap out of you,' he laughed. I laughed along with him, and our voices echoed loudly throughout the restroom, which made me pause a think.
'Don't you think we should be a bit more quiet?' I asked, my voice dropping with ech word.
'Didn't you wonder why I was so specific?' he replied, and leaned back against the wall.
'I thought this was the closest one to your class,' I said and looked up at him.
'Naw,' he said, and that sly smile.
'I scoped out this area several times to see if this was a popular place to shit,' he snickered.
'You can't be serious!' I said.
'Anything for you babe,'
'Whatever,' I muttered and rolled my eyes.
'Don't you whatever me,' he said and poked my side. I flinched and did a meager attempt at a growl.
'I just did,' I smirked. He brought his hand to the back of my head planted his lips on mine. He didn't hesitate to dive his tongue into my mouth. I was enjoying it when all of the sudden, his hands shot up my shirt and he pinched my nipples...hard. A loud moan shot into the air and bounced around, echoing for what seemed like forever.
'You can't make me moan like that, not here!' I hiss and gave his pecs a slap.
'I just did,' he said flailing his arms around and trying to mock my voice. I pouted and then bit his lip.
'Careful, I'll do it some more,' he growled and held me firmer. I smiled and kissed him, but then, we heard the door open. It took me a nanosecond for all my muscles to tense up, and I was about to dive on top of the toilet seat, but it was drenched in urine. I swear to god, how in the world could you miss a hole that large?! Ray took a glance at the toilet, and the sounds of the person's footsteps were growing closer and closer. I decided I didn't care anymore, and grabbed the railing nailed to the walls and began to hoist myself onto the toilet. However, Ray would not have that, and grabbed me roughly and held my squirming body sideways as he would when he carried me up the stairs and face forward with his legs slightly apart. Every time I moved a fraction of an inch, Ray's arms tightened around me until they were in a vice like grip that seemed to compress the bones and organs that were inside my body into a jumbled mess. I could feel both of our hearts beating fast, and both of our lungs were forced to temporarily shut down as the guy did his business. We relaxed a little as he was washing his hands, but neither of us moved until we heard the door slam shut. Ray exhaled and then took a deep intake of air before burying his face into my hair.
'Jesus Christ that was scary,' he muttered, and kissed the top of my head.
'No kidding,' I sighed, and wriggled in his arms. He placed me down on my feet, and hugged me.
'Guess this marks an end to our little fun time?' I asked, and looked up at him.
'No,' he smirked, and gave my crotch a grab. 'That, marks the end,' and then he reached around and squeezed my ass. 'Then again, it doesn't have to end like that...' he said with a low tone. I laughed and pushed him away.
'I have more class than that!' I said playfully and slapped him on the chest. He sighed and placed his hands on his hips.
'Fine, lets go to my car,' he said and took my wrist. I jerked it away and stuck my tongue out.
'You're gonna have to wine and dine this one to get into his pants.' I said pointing at myself. He gave me a look, and then shook his head.
'Babe, I didn't even have to take you out before I had my tongue in your mouth.' This was true, and the fact that it was made my face hot. Maybe I didn't have as much class as I thought. 'Besides, I ALREADY wined and dined you, remember?'
'Whatever,' I grumbled, and pushed past him.
'Aw come on, don't be like that,' he laughed behind me. I turned around and looked at him.
'Well I can't really bend over, now can I?' I said.
'Weeellll....' He began looking diagonally at the ceiling.
'Don't,' I said with my hand to his face. I felt an electrifying pain shoot through my hand accompanied by the sound of a slap ringing in my ears.
'Fuck!' I yelped and held my hand.
'What? That wasn't an invitation for a highfive?' he said with a frown. His eyes deceived him though, and I could tell he was laughing inside.
'Does having a big dick make it an invitation for me to make you sterile?' I said raising my leg a little He shielded his crotched, and then walked past me and patted my cheek with his free hand.
'Nope, just more to love,' he said devilishly over his shoulder with a glimmer in his eye. I rolled my eyes and went to the sink, and smiled when I heard the door close. I think I might have to spend a few minutes 'loving' myself after this.
'Hey,' I heard a girl say and nudge my shoulder. I looked over and saw Regina.
'Oh, Hi!' I said, and smiled a little. We walked, made some small talk, and she asked me that brought a little shock to my mind.
'Wanna come over today?' She asked, hope ringing in her voice. I hesitated a bit, and bit my lower lip. How would Ray feel about this?
'Come on. I need to go Christmas shopping!' she pleaded, and the nudged me. Hello! I heard a snap in my brain as an opportunity became present in front of me.
'Let me make a quick phone call when we get outside,' I said holding up a finger. She smiled broadly.
'Ok!' she said, and we made our way through the crowd. Once outside, I pulled out my phone and slowly touched the screen in order to go to Ray's number. I didn't let Regina see this though, I didn't know what to say if he was the only one in my list, or even the fact I had any connection to him.
'Hey, what's up?' flowed Ray's smooth voice.
'Hey, can I go over to Regina's?' I asked timidly. I reminded myself before he answered to not use his name.
'Your new friend?' he asked.
'Yeah. May I?' To be honest, I was a bit scared that he wouldn't be too happy about this, and the bar raised every second I was on the phone with Ray.
'Regina,' I answered.
'Alright then. Sure, you can go,' he said. I did a small fist pump in the air, and gave Regina the thumbs up.
'Thank you!' I said happily.
'Don't need to. I want you to have friends! I love you, be safe and have fun babe,' he said and made a kissy noise. I laughed and refrained from doing the same.
'I love you too, see you later!' and I hung up. I turned around, and Regina rushed over with a big smile.
'Oho! Someone's got themselves a lover,' she said with a little kissing face.
'No!' I said and blushed. She laughed and slapped me on the back.
'Whatever! Come on! Let's go!' she said and walked ahead. She stopped and turned around.
'Wait, do you drive?' She asked. I shook my head.
'Good! Let's go!' she said leading the way to her car. We arrived at a red buggy, and she beeped it open.
'Oh the irony of this car...' she said and shook her head.
'What?' I said following her with my eyes as she walked over to the driver's side.
'Well...' She said and we both got in. 'I always had this thought that this car was meant for skinny girls.' She said and motioned towards herself. 'I'm obviously not that.' And she buckled herself in.
'Where did you get that idea?' I scoffed.
'I don't know. TV? Internet? Me?' and she turned to key to bring life to the car.
'Not everything is for skinny people...' I said softly.
'Yup. There's always Lane Bryant and slim fast, woo!' she said sarcastically. I laughed and buckled myself in.
'If you want to live in the next ten minutes I suggest you cram it,' she interrupted, and shot out of the parking lot.
When we pulled into her driveway I felt myself relax. I had come to the conclusion that her driving was almost as scary as the thought of me driving!
'Lookin' kinda pale there buddy,' she said and stepped out of her car.
'Whose fault is that?' I snapped.
'Hey! At least there weren't any cops around!' She said and shrugged. I breathed out an exasperated sigh, and stared at the front of her house. It was incredibly small compared to Ray's chic house, less extravagant, and it didn't have that style nor the decorations that screamed money. It did however, have something that Ray's home lacked, and it was that cozy feeling that just seemed to emanate from every single brick, wood, and glass that I laid my eyes on. It was inviting rather than intimidating, and it just made me want to go up and knock on the door and ask how the people that resided in there were doing. Regina walked ahead and motioned me forward, and as I neared the porch, I took notice of the many colorful flowers that lined the bottom of the house along with the lush greens in pots, both floored and hanging. Next to the door there was a reed love seat with small matching table in front. The image of a aged person sitting with a cup of coffee with the rays of a sunrise splashed across their face, brightening that satisfied and calm gaze as they took in the crisp air laced with the smell of morning dew. I smiled softly and my eyes continued to wander along while Regina fumbled in her bag for something.
'Gotcha,' and she slid it into the door. She opened the door to a warm house that was lit with yellow lights. Many knick knacks and curios were placed and mounted along the walls and on shelves, and the cream colored floral printed couches looked plush and a lovely place to nap. I followed her, pausing momentarily to take my shoes off and setting my bag down next to Regina's. She turned around and spread her arms out.
'Welcome to my house,' she said beaming. Obviously she showed no shame in the place she called home. Who would? It was a place that I doubt anyone would ever feel lonely or cold in, it was just so cozy and inviting!
'Regina!!!' cried a sqeaky voice from a distance, and out from a room somewhere bounded a small little boy, running as fast as his little legs could carry him. He rammed into Regina's legs with a force that was enough for her to shake a little. She laughed and bent over and hugged him. Must be her little brother or something.
'Hello there!' She crooned and kissed him on the cheek. He giggled and kissed her on the cheek in returned.
'I miss you!' he shouted. I laughed and held my face to my hand in admiration of the bond that they had with each other. It must be so nice, even if he is just a kid. I sighed when I began to think of what it would be like to have a sibling, not only because I thought of whether or not my father would be the same, but also because I was wondering what it would be like if my mom was alive. I quickly blinked my moist eyes, and exited my mind to fix my attention back to the two in front of me.
'Who's that?' I heard him as her. I looked down, and saw him loo+ king straight at me.
'He's my friend!' she said cheerily. His face brightened up even more as his energy level increased.
'He's a friend? What's his name? Tell me, tell me!' he bounced around. We both laughed and she hugged him tight.
'His names Levi, now go say hi,' she said in a tone that reminded me of a happy mother, and she released him. He launched himself forward, and hugged my legs with power that sent me teetering backwards.
'Hi Levi!' he shouted while looking up at me. I looked down, and patted him on the head.
'Hi there, what's your name?' I asked. He released me, and rocked back and forth on his heels.
'James!' he replied. He was such a loud child! In a cute way of course.
'Hello James! How old are you?' I asked, and realizing I was mimicking Reginas motherly tone. She was looking at me with a huge grin.
'Four!' and he raised four fingers. 'How old are you?!
'Eighteen,' I said and laughed softly.
'You're like Regina!' he shouted and released me to bounce around and point at Regina. Regina scooped James up in her arm and nuzzled his cheek.
'Yes he is! Now what's mommy doing?' she said with her face still close to his.
'She's cooking!' he said and jumped out of her arms and ran at breakneck speed towards what I assumed was the kitchen.
'Mommy! Regina has a new friend!' he squealed. Within moments, a women with a straight, shoulder length hair poked her head out from around the corner. I stared her and felt all my muscles tense. I clenched my jaw and stared straight at her.
'Oh? Hello there!' she said and stepped out and walked quickly towards me. As she walked towards us, I felt my lungs starting to rebel and refuse to expand as I tried my hardest to take slow and ever breaths. She's just Regina's mom...just another customer that needs help. No biggy. Smile, be polite, just another customer, not retina's mom, another customer, calm down, breath, relax. I thought this over and over, and once she came close enough, she held out her hand, which I grasped and she shook it with a warm smile that revealed the lines in her eyes and around her mouth that indicated that she spent a great deal of time smiling and laughing. Seeing this, calmed me and my lungs inflated once more and supplied my body with the correct amount of oxygen.
'Hi there! My name's Lucy, Lucy Elinzondo.' She said still shaking my hand briskly. So that's what her last name was.
'Um...My name's Levi....Colligan...' I said awkwardly. She was still shaking my hand, and she realized that.
'Oh! I'm so sorry,' she laughed and released my hand, 'Don't want that to fall off now do we?' and she laughed again. Her laughed eased me a bit more, and I laughed a little too.
'Of course not. It's nice to meet you Levi! You can call me Lucy, Mrs. Elinzondo, Mrs. E, E dog-'
'I'm just joking Reg!' She laughed and returned her attention to me, 'Just call me the first two. I don't know how you teens 'Roll' now a days,' she said and flailed her hands while rolling her eyes and laughing a little. Her laughs were infectious, and I found myself laughing and smiling with her as well. It felt nice and natural for once instead of forced like how it use to be when I talked to customers. I had a feeling I was going to be laughing quite a bit while I was here.
'Anywho, it's nice to see Reg as made some friends,' she said and motioned towards me, 'And such a handsome one at that,' she said and winked at me.
'Mom, are you hitting on him?' Regina joked.
'Oh yes because I'm a total cougar and I just prowl on them boys,' she said putting on a face that what I assumed was a failed attempted at a seductive smile. We all busted out laughing. God this felt so good!
'I was in the middle of making dinner, would you be joining us later?' She asked, holding her hands together.
'I'm sorry, I can't. I have to get home as soon as we're done shopping,' I politely declined. As much as I wanted to stay, I remembered that Ray was at home, and then I remembered the feeling I had when I ate dinner alone that one night. Then I remembered what it was like to be in the house alone. I was soon filled with a swirl of guilt and an urge to ask Regina to take me back to the school so that Ray can pick me up and he won't be alone anymore. Sure, he's done it for years before me, at least I think so, but the loneliness that I experienced while I was in the house alone was frustrating, and I didn't know whether or not it was bothering him knowing that I was somewhere else. What if he was lying when he said it was fine? What if right now he's fuming over the fact that I wasn't home? Fear was starting to find its way back into my mind, and I tried to push it out with rationalization. If he was mad he would've said so, or at least shown signs right? Besides, I had a phone, a cell phone, a communication device that's portable so I could contact him wherever I went, which means he wants me to go off to places, so he shouldn't be mad. Right? Mind and fear were duking it out in my brain, and I felt that if I didn't stop it, I would soon find myself breathing frantically into a paper bag while Regina eyeballed me like I was dancing to showtoons. I waved them away, and though they still wanted to get at each other's throats now, I had them agree to settle this later when I wasn't in the presence of people who were unaware of the darker aspects of my former life. I brushed everything out of the way and focused my attention to what was happening outside of my head.
'Aw, what a shame! What are you two doing today anyway?' She asked.
'Shopping,' Regina said simply with a bright eyed smile. Her mother raised her eyesbrows.
'Oh well at least have a snack before you go,' she said swatting Regina's hand and grabbing mine. I stopped myself before I could jerk my hand away. She lead me towards the room she came out of, and in there was a gas stove, an island in the middle with marble countertops piled with various bags of cereal, a jar of candy, some newpapers, and a basket of fruit.
'How do you feel about cake Levi?' I heard Lucy ask. I switched my gaze over in her direction, and found her rummaging through the fridge.
'Oh no I'm-'
'Nonsense! We needa get some meat on your bones,' she teased and brought out a medium sized cake covered in white frosting with chocolate shavings on top. When she set it down on the table, I could see that about one fourth of it was eaten already, and the interior was red with a line of chocolate in the middle.
'Made it myself, frosting and all,' she beamed and slid a plate in front of me. I waited until she sat down as well to try the cake.
'How is it?' she asked once I slid the fork out of my mouth.
'It's wonderful,' I replied and smiled.
'What you're tasting is the mother's touch,' she said narrowing her eyes, with a smile that never seemed to fade from her face. The mention of a 'mother's touch' didn't sit with me too well. I began feeling my throat close and I covered my mouth and coughed. Tears made their way up with haste, and the world flickered due to my constant blinking as an attempt to force them back down.
'I'll get you some milk,' I heard her say.
'No, I'm alright,' I gasped. I wasn't alright though. I felt nauseous and all I wanted to do was take the fork and gouge my own throat out.
'You sure sweety?' she asked still standing. I nodded and slammed my fist against my chest, relishing the dull pain that bloomed in its place afterwards.
'You gonna live?' Regina snickered and placed her empty plate in the sink.
'No, I'm going to drop dead within a few seconds,' I shot back. I wish I did.
'I'll go fetch a rug then,' Sighed Lucy, and she made the motion of getting up. She ended up laughing.
'Just kidding Levi, we wouldn't want that.' She said. I forced out a laugh and slowly ate the cake, my mind feeling numb and my tongue refusing to respond to the food. At that point I really wish I died, 18 years ago before I killed my mother.
'Alright, lets go down the checklist!' Lucy said with her palms on the cool surface. By the time I finished eating, and attempted to keep the conversation going with the two for a few minutes, I felt a little more alive. I was still wishing that I wasn't though.
'Got Money?' she asked and cocked her head.
'Yup.' Replied Regina.
'Cash?' She cocked her head to the other side and leaned a little closer and closer.
'Do you know the way?'
'Lastly...' She paused. She was barely 3 inches from Regina's face and she narrowed her eyes with a playful smile. 'Do you have some confidence?' Regina paused, and then nodded.
'A little bit.' Her mother's smile broadened. 'Go get em girl!' and she brought Regina's head close enough to land a light kiss on her forehead. She leaned back in her seat and clapped her hands together.
'What about you young man? Do you need anything?' She asked facing me.
'Uh..n-no.' I stammered. She laughed and stood up.
'Then I'll see you two beauties to the door!' she sang hurrying ahead of us. Her mother was so kind and energetic that she made it hard not to smile, even just a little! How supportive she seemed to be...she couldn't possibly be the one that torments Regina with remarks about her weight...could she? What if things were different behind closed doors? Maybe I shouldn't be so hasty to make my judgment; I don't have the full details yet.
'Well I hope you two make it there and back safe and sound, and please, for the sake of your parents health,' she said with her hand over her heart and a pleading expression, 'Have a little restraint on the cash!' she laughed and flipped her hand. 'Just teasing. I know you kids will be good!' she said and opened the door for us. I didn't really have people to call 'parents'.
'Thank you for having me over Mrs. Elinzondo.' I thanked.
'Oh it was my pleasure. And thank you for the manners Mr. Colligan,' She said and shook my hand without warning. I flinched but shook hers quickly before Regina called me.
'50 points for old people Regina!!!' She shouted as we pulled out of her driveway. We drove off laughing hysterically. If that was her mother's mask, then it was a hilarious one!
'So...are you parents the one that nag you about your weight?' I asked timidly.
'Naw...they're the best. The real assholes are my relatives,' she said and breathed out loudly through her nose. I had just asked whether her mother was the one that nagged her about her weight.
'My aunts, an uncle or two, a few of my older cousins and even my freakin grandparents are all in on this shit. Lose weight this lose weight that, how much do you weigh, what did you eat today, have you gotten bigger? Blah blah blah, endless questions that are all about the same thing and all have that disgusting message that I've been told for fucking years!' she said and banged her hand on the steering wheel. We swerved a bit, and I silently clung to my seat and wondered if we crashed whether or not I would die on impact.
'I understand that yes, I have a health issue, and yes, I need to fix it, but forcing all this isn't going to help anything!' she had now begun to shout, and I continued to listen.
'Oh hey Regina, how's the diet going?' she mocked someone in a voice that sounded anything but normal.
'Oh gee, I don't know, how can I know how's my diet going when I'm not even in one?!' and she threw her hands in the air. I wanted to listen, but I also wanted to get to wherever to were going safely. The only problem was, I didn't think I had enough courage to stop her little rant.
'God, it's like I'm a Goodyear blimp to them! Last time I checked, the scale didn't go round and round when I stepped on it,' she said making circle motions with her index finger. I saw the mall coming into view, and stared at the passing cars.
'Are you even listening?' She snapped in my direction.
'Of course!' I nodded.
'What did I just say they saw me as?'
'A Goodyear blimp,' I said meekly.
'Do I look like one?' She asked after a pause.
'You can't be serious,' I scoffed.
'What? It could be one of things where I don't see it but everyone does,' she and honked at person that stopped abruptly in front of her. 'Dickwad!' she shouted, even though it was obvious he wouldn't be able to hear her. She took a left and pulled into the packed mall parking lot.
'It's happened before, so you know, a little reassurance is nice,' she explained with a small shrug. I nodded.
'Well Regina, you're really not that fat as people make it seems,' I said, while joining her in the search for a parking spot. 'You know our society, we blow everything out of proportion. It happens everywhere. Home, school, stores, the news, everyone tries to make it seem like a bigger problem than it really is,' I said and pointed at a spot, but a truck swerved in a stole it. I heard Regina swear under her breath.
'You never know, maybe it is that big of a problem...' she said and honked.
'To me it's not,' I said.
'Well at least you don't have a problem with it. Everyone acts like it's a disease.' She said and we finally found a spot that was pretty far from the mall.
'Welp, at least I'll be getting some form of exercise. 'She said eyeing the long distance we would have to walk. 'I swear, if they saw me walking this far I think they might cry or one of my aunts will give virgin birth,' she cackled as we stepped out and began walking.
While walking, I felt my anxiety beginning to build up. I didn't go here often for a reason, well more like reasons, but the main one was not the money. It was the people. As the mall is a mall, there were always people at our school there, and it wasn't exactly high on my list to take a second helping of the bile that they spat at me.
'Hey Regina?' I said timidly.
'Wassup?' She said, keeping her eyes fixed ahead.
'This is the mall...'
'Oh wow. Thanks for pointing that out Captain Obvious,' she said sarcastically and kept walking forward.
'No no, this is the mall Regina. People are in there....' I said slowing a bit.
'N...OOOOOH!' she said and slapped her forehead with her palm. 'You mean those people?'
'Oh well god forbid that we're human and we need to shop,' she spat. 'Oh, she's not a cow?! The Horror!' she faked screamed and held her hands to her cheeks. I laughed, and she smiled.
'Look, we're just shopping. Nothing wrong with that.'
'And if we run into them?'
'Ignore them,' Well that was definitely not a problem for me.
'And if that doesn't work?'
'Then we gonna be taking some bitches down!' she grunted and pumped her fist in the air. The memory of the writhing tormentor a month or two ago appeared in my mind, and my nerves began to calm. Regina is my friend, and friends help each other right?
'Don't worry, we'll be fine,' she said and bumped me on the arm with her fist. I looked over at her and met her gaze, and she gave me a reassuring smile.
'Yeah,' I said and nodded and pulled the door open for Regina. 'Let's hope that we can go shopping bitch free,' I said smiled. She paused at the doorway, and smirked.
'Well that throw that hope out,' she said, staring at me and starting to snicker.
'What? Why?' I said, my eyes widening as I looked inside to see who was there.
'Because you're such a bitch,' she giggled and walked inside. I stared at her with my mouth hanging open, and rushed inside.
'What's that supposet o mean?!' I called after her. She continued to laugh and walk.
'Regina!' I called after, still standing at the doorway. She didn't stop to look back, so I followed her, chuckling at her witty insult.
After taking a short amount of time to withdraw money from an ATM in the lobby entrance, we went into the mall. Every time I went here I always felt lost. Too many people, too many stores. Too wide of an open space, yet too many twists and turns. Too many escalators, too many sounds, sight, scents, I almost have a sensory overload every time I stepped foot into the mall. I shuddered when a group of people walked by rapidly and caused a draft to blow at me as I walked with Regina.
'You're cold?' she asked, cocking an eyebrow.
'That's what you get for being so damn thin,' She grunted.
'Zip it,' I said tugging my sleeves down to cover part of my hands.
'That's impossible, you know that,' she said, and rolled her eyes.
'I can make it happen,' I said staring at a stand selling novelty shirts.
'Is that a fat joke?' she snipped.
'Eeehh...more like a threat,' I said patting her on the head.
'You know I can take you down,' she growled and slapped my hand away.
'Without a doubt,' I said casually. Unfortunately, I knew full well that it'd wouldn't be a problem for her. She could pretty much crush me, and that was in no way reference to her size.
'Anyway, what are you shopping for?' Regina asked as we slowly walked throughout the mall. I eyed the stores passing by, and to be honest, even with the vast selection of stores around d me, none of them seemed right for the people I was shopping for. I didn't want to get Ray clothes, Rosaline I had no idea what the hell to get her, and as for Patty, she was the only one that I actually knew exactly know where to go. Flashbacks of that time in the store and that one morning made me smile. Ah how funny old ladies can be. Then again her personality was nowhere close to that of any other old lady I've encountered. And then there was Regina. So far there were three people in line that I had no idea what to get. I felt my thoughts pause. Only 4 people? Really? There were only 4 people in my life that I truly, genuinely care about?...in a way that was sad when I placed the fact that others had oodles of people that they would consider buying gifts and giving their love to, but you know what? I don't give a rats ass. It's more than I ever had in my life, and I was happy with what I had. I was beyond happy when I had only Ray to love. All of the sudden I had a huge aching to run home to Ray and jump into his arms and stay there for the rest of the day. A small smile crept to my lips, and I looked over at Regina and gave her a little bump to the shoulder.
'Thanks,' I said softly.
'What?' She asked.
'Nothing,' I giggled, and kept walking.
'Come on!' She said giving me a playful push, which to me, was a huge shove.
'Nothing! Let's go to Starbucks,' I laughed and returned to her side.
'If it's nothing then why are you laughing?' She said smiling herself.
'Starbucks,' I said drifting towards a map in the distance.
'That doesn't even make sense!' I ignored her and kept walking, smiling of course to irk her even more.
'Fine. Alright. Whatever,' she grumbled. I searched through the numbers on the legend until I found Starbucks. I eyed the star, then to the location of Starbucks. The distance wasn't too bad, but the thought of the possibility that there would be a line the length of Ray's dick (not literally) would be there.
'Are we gonna get something from Starbucks?' I heard Regina ask.
'Yeah, if the line isn't too long,' I said twisting my lips. 'Someone in your family obsessed with coffee as well?' I asked looking over at her. She gave me a peculiar look, and then cocked her head.
'I thought we were getting something for ourselves.'
'Oh...' I said, and my eyes drifted off in another direction away from her. Another thing that I've never had. Starbucks. Yes it was a massive, billion dollar corporation that made itself available on every street corner, a prostitute that every caffeine addict came inside daily and pulled out happy in the end...mostly. However, I was never one of those people seduced by the enticing steam and aroma that drifted out of the plastic cups that seemed to be everywhere. I was nearly, time and time again, but time, life, and my wallet were the ones that held me back from trying out to see what was so freaking addictive about the coffee that was produced in those stores. As much as I wanted to try it out, I was not going to give into temptation and become one of those waiting in line for an hour to receive a hit.
'Do you want to?' I asked. I was going to pick up a bag of their coffee for Patty. I'm sure that would satisfy her for a day or so. Maybe it'll last even a second day.
'Sure. I want a frap and maybe a scone,' She said and we walked to Starbucks.
The line was excruciatingly painful to wait in. By the time I walked out with a few packages coffee beans in a 'trendy' plastic bag and Regina with her Frappacino paired with a vanilla bean scone, my feet had already began to hurt and I was feeling a bit irritated.
'Christ, why the hell was that so long?!' I grumbled, knowing full well the answer to my own question.
'Dude, it's starbucks.' Regina said with a mouthful of her scone.
'Have you ever tried it before?' She asked after she swallowed, and cocked an eyesbrown.
'Of course I have, and I don't see what's so great about it!' I lied without missing a beat. If I had been in a better mood, I probably would've stuttered and given myself away.
'Guess some don't care,' she shrugged. 'Where to next?' My mind came into a screeching halt. I remembered I had no clue what to get the other three, at all! I pursed me lips, opened my mouth to say something, closed it again, then turned to Regina.
'Lets get your shopping done first,' I opted. She laughed.
'Someone's doing this last minute,'
'Oh, and you're not?' I scoffed.
'Hey, I actually have a list,' she said with the unmistakable tone of triumph. She reached into her small purse that she carried with her, and pulled out a piece of paper and unfolded it.
'Hah!' and she shoved it in my face. There were at least 10 names on there, each with something next to them. She actually cared enough to plan ahead.
'Stop showing off!' I whined and batted it away. She folded it and gave me a mocking smile.
'Hey, I officially earned bragging rights because of this,' and she walked ahead of me, her long, Black flowy skirt swishing about (She had upgraded from sweatpants after the first few weeks). I blew out a puff of air, and followed her, pouting for quite a while.
While I followed Regina from store to store, hauling her growing number of bags for her while she checked off her list, I was freaking out. I had no idea what to get them! Ray, he had all the money in the world, or at least that's what it seemed like, and anything I would get for him he could buy without a problem. Rosaline was an enigma that I've hadn't given much time to figure out. Regina...possibly something that's witty? She went from shelf to shelf, her eyes darting from one object to the next. What would she like?
I finally decided on a gift for Rosaline, which shortly after obtaining we had to make a second trip to an ATM. The gift for her was an Express gift card. Express, a store that was hip, stylish, and so expensive that I 've only bought something from there once, and that was from the clearance bins AND it took me about two hours worth of debating with myself. Lovely isn't it? 20 dollars could barely get a person something other than a t shirt from there, and that was just a t shirt! However, since I was no long bound by the constraints of my old life financially, and it being my first Christmas, hell, why not go all out with it? I added the tiny bag holding the gift card, box and all, next to my Starbucks bag and many other ones that belonged to Regina. Once we exited the store, Regina snapped her head with me with open eyes.
'Holy shit, did you just spend two hundred fifty dollars on a gift card?!' she breathed out, her mouth hanging open slightly.
'Yup,' I returned. It felt good to actually spend money without having to worry so much, and it was for someone else. Do I feel chipper or what?
'Two hundred fifty?!' she screeched.
'No Regina, it was just twenty five dollars and the zero on the card is drawn on by me,' I said rolling my eyes.
'Shut up!' she laughed and bumped me, 'Are you rich or something?'
'You can say that...' I said look off to the side. More like hefty saving from a life of thrift stores, bargain bins, coupons, and paranoia.
'Whatever that means....'
'Nothing...' I mumbled, wanting to avoid the subject. I pulled out my phone and saw it was a little before seven. I pursed my lips and stared at my phone while Regina ran her mouth. God time's almost up and I haven't decided what to give Ray. What if...no...maybe? I began to think of maybe I could have sex with Ray, but the lump that formed in my throat with the thought of trusting him that much and allowing him inside my body. I wasn't ready...at least not yet. I sighed and slipped my phone back into my pocket. God...even after all that he's done for me. A home and love, a shoulder to cry on, friendship, so many things, so many changes that were for the better and ones that changed my life and perspective of the once bleak world to me. Why couldn't I give him just this? I love him, and I think he knows it, but I also knows that he wants to go deeper and farther, and I was the only one standing in the way of it. He's waiting at the gate to the new level, while I standing a few steps back, being a coward. I bit down on my lower lip to stop the negative thoughts trickling in. Yes I'm not ready, but really, this is something serious, and it takes time. Ray said time and time again that he wants to takes things slow, even though we've moved in together already, and well, I'm sure he won't mind waiting a bit longer..right? If he really wanted it he would start pushing it already. Then again....
'Damn it,' I swore out loud.
'Wassup?' Regina said stopping.
'Huh?' I said, my eyes darting around trying to identify where I was. I became so lost in my thoughts that I forgot where I was.
'Well, you said Damn it, so what brought that on twiggy?' She said cocking her head. I shook my head.
And then there was her. What in the hell was I suppose to get her? I began listing the traitts of her personality, narrowing it down to only the most prominent one. She was incredibly witty, and definitely knew how to fire out an arsenal of emotionally lethal insults when the time called for it. She was also very sarcastic, sweet none the less but what kind of gift could I give related to that without sending the false signal that I had feelings for her. I blew out a little raspberry, and walked alongside Regina, staring at the dwindling crowd of people passing by.
'Welp, I'm done,' She said beaming proudly.
'Yeah, obviously,' I giggled, raising her bags in my hands.
'Awww, aren't you a gentleman?' She said hooking another bag onto my tired fingers.
'I didn't even offer!' I exclaimed.
'I assumed you did,' she said and patted the top of my head, 'Are you done?'
'Does it look like I'm done?' I said lowering my eyelids and slumping a little.
'Boy I don't know who the hell you're getting gifts for, but they're one lucky ass mofo' She scoffed, 'How many left then?'
'Two,' I replied, still racking my brain for ideas. I glanced up at the view of the night sky provided at the massive skylight that the mall had. I was running out of time.
'Better hurry, I gotta get home for dinner with the family,' She said looking at her phone.
'Uh, same,' I mumbled. More like dinner with my boyfriend. I began wondering what Ray was doing. Working out? Watching T.V.? Computer? I blushed. Jerking off? I shuddered and shook the enticing image away, and focused on the problem other than my tightening jeans. A passing book store caught my attention. Well...I was desperate for anything.
'Can we make a quick stop?' I said pointing my thumb at the store.
'Sure,' she shrugged, and we walked lazily over to it.
Regina decided to wander off on her own, graciously leaving her bags with me of course. I wandered around, looking for the humor section. Maybe I could possibly find something here. I passed by the self help, which of course had dieting books, and I imagined multiple members of Regina's surrounding her, nagging her while he face was firm and jaw was clenched tight. I set the bags down, and took a book off the shelf. My stomach tightened. Knowing how it felt for all eyes to be on you, staring, scrutinizing every flaw and blowing up the biggest one of all even bigger. I felt disgust for her family, the ones that did this that is. Her mom doesn't even seemed bothered by her weight, and well, James at his age would love her unconditionally. But damn it, she was family! It was alright to show concern, but did they really have to pressure it that much? She is who she is, so why does she have to change when they want her to? It's her body, she knows that it's a problem, so she'll take the initiative when she can. She probably has enough on her plate with strangers, she doesn't need her family in on this, plus what's forcing her going to accomplish?
I found myself making marks in the cover with my nails, and I was grinding my teeth and shaking with anger. They were her family...how could they be so cruel? Where was the comfort? Where was the support? TO them it may be support but to her it was just something that tore down her self esteem even more. I slipped the book back in its place, and wiped my eyes. If only they knew what they were doing. I blew out some air an gently patted my hands on my cheeks. For shit's sake, pull it together Levi, or you'll end up looking like you need help. Ok, maybe I do but I'm all set in that department. I smiled softly when I thought of Ray, but this was quickly followed with a frown. I pulled out my phone. There were no missed calls, no text messages, but there was the cursed clock that screamed at me, sending me on a cringing guilt trip that only made my yearning to return home even stronger. I swiftly walked through the shelves, and found the humor section. While searching, I chewed on my bottom lip, scanning each title, judging whether or not it would suit Regina. I was a relatively large section, so I took me a good twenty minutes of what seemed like a fruitless effort. However, after doing a quick glance over, life decided to cut me some slack. I pulled it out, and gazed at the simple, brown faux leather on the front, and in gold letters were inscribed, 100,000 Vulgar Insults. At first I was a bit skeptical, seeing that often times books like these didn't contain a whole lot of humor, but within minutes I was covering my mouth in an attempt to surppress laughter. This was perfect! I tucked it under my arm, and quickly made my way towards the register, mking sure that Regina was nowhere in sight.
After my purchase, I quickly called Regina to meet me in the front. In the mean time, I relished the feeling of satisfaction. I was still slightly disgruntled about Ray's gift, which then led me to toying with the thought of having sex with him once more. Gazing at his body and every moment of temptation, my body screamed for me to touch and feel him, but I always followed my wary mind and stopped myself from letting him in completely. If only I could...but even if I did, would it be right? I didn't think my virginity is exactly something to just toss around. Maybe I should just rethink this, I'm sure I'll find a gift that doesn't involve sex if I just think hard enough.
Regina took her time coming back, which was good since it gave time for my hardon to go down. She bought a couple of books herself, and soon we exited the mall and walked side by side in the well lit parking lot in silence, the only sound coming from cars and the various types of bags that we hefted along.
'Just toss 'em in the back,' she mumbled when we came to her car. I did as I was told, except I kept my small collection of bags with me in the front seat and buckled myself in.
'Where do you live?' she sighed and shifted the car into gear. I opened my mouth, and stopped myself right before I could utter the first letter of the street.
'Oh, just drop me off at the school,' I said quickly. She gave me a weary look, and then cocked an eyebrow.
'Oh, well i-i-it's just the my parents don't really like the idea of me hanging out with a girl,' I stammered and fidgeted.
'Crazy Christian parents?' she asked casually. I nodded.
'Ah,well my parents could care less about what kind of genitals you have, they're probably thrilled with me just bringing home a friend for once!' She laughed. I laughed along with her and after it dies down, she turned towards me.
'Thanks for being my friend Levi,' she said in a low voice and opened her arms.
'Don't need to thank me Regina, you're just filled with too much awesome for those guys to handle,' I chuckled as I hugged her.
'Don't you mean too much fat?' She laughed softly.
'Nope. Just pure awesome,' I giggled. She sniffled and began driving.
'If only more people were like you...' she sighed.
'Careful what you wish for...' I managed to rasp when my stomach lurched at the thoughts that left as fast as they came.
'If only you knew...' I whispered to myself and pressed my forehead against the window.
'Thanks for taking me with you.' I thanked when she came to stop in front of the school.
'Thanks for carrying my bags,' she snickered.
'Did you know you're a little bitch?' I shot back.
'Girl please, you're the little bitch!'
'I'm not a girl!' I groaned.
'You sure whine like one,' she muttered.
'Ass!' I shouted and jumped out of the car before she lunge at me.
'Douche!!!' she yelled from an open window.
'Goodnight to you too!' I yelled back. She drove away, and after suffering temporary blindness, I called Ray.
'Already on my way babe,' he chuckled once he picked up. His smooth voice melted my tense body, and I felt my knotted stomach untie itself.
'Did you just get out of the house?' i cooed.
'Nope,' and with a flash of retina burning lights, Ray's car came into a screeching halt in front of me. I stood there staring until Ray rolled down a window.
'Babe, if it were warmer I would say I could wait for you but since its gettin' close to freezing you can either get in the car or I can get out and carry you in....for a price of course....' He paused for one second. 'Honestly, I prefer the second one,' he opted, flashing his million dollar smile with the subtle touch of mischievousness in his eyes. Without me even choosing, he bolted out of the car and scooped me up in his arms.
'Beeeeeeep, times up! He bellowed and swiftly buckled me in. He leaned in close to my ear and gave it a small bite.
'Let's go home so you can pay off all your debts...' He hissed, and tweaked my nipple through my sweater. I cried out in response, and shuddered when he brushed his hand on my growing bulge.
'I misses you so much babe.' He said and placed a hand on the back of my head to draw my face close to his.
'We need to make up for lost time,' he sighed and pulled me in for a passionate kiss, thoughts of sex already plaguing my mind as we sped home, hard and horny.
His warm breath flowed against my bare chest as he pushed me down onto the bed. He planted multiple kisses that trailed from my chest to my neck. I breathed out a soft moan and touched his head, only have him pin my wrist and bite down on my neck. I cried out and he quickly stifled me with his tongue. Our lips writhed against each other, tongues dueling and teeth biting gently on my lips. I groaned and returned a nip, this time tugging on his lower lip. This fueled his drive and he pressed his entire lower body upon mine, rubbing his hard cock against my naked torso while I was at the mercy of his wandering lips. Biting, sucking, I moaned with every action. I felt him release my wrists and i heard the wet sounds of his hands furiously stroking his cock. Instinctively I raised my legs and wrapped them around Ray as soon as I heard the wrapper of a condom being ravaged. Within seconds, I felt his hard meat rubbing against my twitching pucker. All of the sudden, with the only sound being a heavy grunt, he rammed his cock in me.