Out Of My Depth

When I got the news about Nath’s accident, I was in Johannesburg at the World Championships, it was the third night there and it was about 3 am when my phone rang which was weird because there were only very few numbers that could get through my Do Not Disturb setting.
I remember Mum crying down the other end of the phone. “Brax, it’s Mum… Nathan’s had a bad car accident and he’s in hospital, they’re not sure whether he is going to make it”. Those words were something that I have never ever forgotten when she called me at that moment.

It took me nearly two days to get out of South Africa and head back home during the middle of the world championships, I’d been training for months intensively to be at my peak but when I got the news about my brother, I had to be there for my little bro. Things were touch and go for quite a while but thankfully he pulled through but he had lost the use of his legs and was left a paraplegic.

During that time from the point Nathan woke up, he never held a grudge against the man who crashed into his car which I know is something that I could never have felt the same way and that I always knew Mum and Dad held a grudge. Even now, Nath is amazing as he is living a normal life that he can.

Going back up to the empty apartment, I just take off my jeans and shirt and jump into bed laying there thinking about what Nath said to me about moving with Courtney to Harrington Cove should she get the job. My mind still thinking about whether I’m being selfish or not and part of me wishes that she doesn’t get the job so that the discussion of the move doesn’t even have to happen. With the time difference, Courtney texts me good night as I’m drifting off and I send her a selfie in bed with how much I miss her right now.

I finally fall asleep and wake up when my alarm goes off at 6 am, still tired from having a broken night’s sleep, I get up and get ready for the gym. Heading down there, my motivation levels are barely existent but no amount of poor sleep is an excuse to skip any training whatsoever. Today is all about working on my abs and core which is a hard enough workout normally let alone when I’m exhausted.

The workout goes well enough and I head back home to get ready for work which goes as per normal, I text Courtney good luck with her interview and wait to hear back from her this afternoon or tonight once the interview is done.

After work, still with no word from Courtney I head home and order Chinese for dinner, the usual special when it’s just me alone, Honey Chicken with Steamed Rice from Happy Dragon with Spring Rolls. I’m sitting there eating dinner when Court rings me.
“Hey you, how’d the interview go?” I ask as I can hear the excitement in her voice already “Brilliant and it wasn’t so much an interview like a typical one… it was more of a meeting to get to know me” in my head that sounds weird considering that she hadn’t applied for the job or at least I didn’t think she had.

“They’d been fans of my work and well, this was all about offering me the job,” she says excitedly, as my feelings were both up and down about that news considering that she has been offered the job and I know that she won’t say no to it and deep down I don’t want her to.

The excitement in her voice and tone barely let me get a word in edgewise with everything she’s saying and how excited she is. “So, when do you start?” I ask her thinking to myself how selfish I was being in not wanting her to take this job.
She takes a deep breath “I told them that I would be thinking about it and would need to talk it over with you” I sit there surprised that she hasn’t just accepted the job straight away. “Why would you need to talk it over with me? This is your dream job” the surprise in my voice must be obvious.

“Well, you know in Hawaii 4 years ago, we had this thing called a Wedding where we got married you know,” she says teasing me down the phone about being married. “Yeah, I know that babe, but I thought you’d at least take it straight away with how big of a job this is” my voice now filled with surprise and worry that she isn’t going to take the position.

Courtney still seems excited about the job but her tone is shifting ever so slightly “Are you trying to make me take the job to get rid of me?” the tone is one now moving towards one of regret and upset. I get shocked by her question “Of course not, I love you” she stops me halfway through the sentence laughing at me “I’m kidding Brax, don’t get angry”. I could jump down that phone and just get her when she does that to me “When do they want an answer by?” asking her as I think about the potential move.

“As soon as possible really, they’re launching it at the end of the month and want me to get started straight away, they’ve given me until the end of the week to accept or decline the offer” Courtney’s eagerness is clear even though she wants to talk to me in-depth about it first. “Accept it” as much as I would prefer to stay here in Broughton, I love Courtney and she is my world putting up with me and all my travelling whilst we were dating and then in the first few years of getting married.

“We need to talk about this, what about Nathan and your family?” her question was always going to come up “I talked to Nath about it last night, he thinks that I should go with whatever you want because it’s your decision” taking a deep breath before adding “I want to be with you, wherever that is Court”.

A sense of relief in her voice “Well I’ll still take a few days to think it through and talk to my mum and dad about it and we can go from there” I smile as she says that “Now I’ll let you get back to being naughty and finish your Honey Chicken and Spring Rolls” her laughing down the phone.

“Wait, how the fuck did you know? Have you set up your go-pro to watch me?” quickly glancing around the Kitchen, doubly checking to make sure she hasn’t hidden the go-pro. I hear her laughing down the phone “Now let me guess, you’ve just looked around the kitchen haven’t you Brax?”. Sheepishly I deny it but she laughs again “You’re so predictable Braxton” and says goodbye and hangs up the phone.Sitting there, I go back to dinner thinking about everything she said, everything that Nath said last night still not sure what to think about packing everything up and moving to a place where I don’t know anyone at all.

That night, I sleep a lot better having told Courtney to take the job which makes me feel good that she is excited about this opportunity and is her chance to make herself a household name like I did through swimming. The next morning, I go for a run instead of hitting the gym after sleeping in past the alarm running 10km up to Broughton Peak and back down to the apartment, the run takes it out of me more than swimming would but it does me the world of good. I get ready for Dad’s party putting on a black t-shirt and jeans, grabbing the gift that I… well Courtney picked for him and head off.

As the party goes on, Nathan comes up to me “She got the job, didn’t she?” I turn and look at him surprised “How did you know?”. Nath laughs when I ask “Because dumb-arse I know you too fucking well,” he says punching me in the thigh. “Fucking hell bro, you need to stop lifting” as his punch hurts like hell as he laughs at me.

“Yeah, the interview wasn’t so much an interview as more a make sure we’ve picked the right person to offer the job to” I explain to Nath who sits there nodding as he is understanding what happened. “So she was their target all along?” he asks as I nod, “Must have been”.
Nathan looks at me as Dad comes wandering up “Brax” he hugs me, even though it’s his birthday, it’s the first time he’s managed to escape the clutches of his twin sister Aunt Tracy. “What are you two talking about up here so seriously?” he asks us both like we’re back as kids when we used to plan on getting time on the Play Station.

“Nothing really Dad, just talking about things together” Nath covers for me as Dad gets dragged away as more relatives and ex-work buddies of Dad turn up. “I told her to accept the job,” I say as I lean over the deck looking out into the big backyard we used to play in as kids “It’s an amazing opportunity but I can’t leave Mum and Dad here”.

Nath pats me on the back “You’ll make the right decision for you and Courtney, that’s all that matters” he says as Naomi gets to the party. I let them catch up as I head inside to talk to Mum for a bit. “Finally getting a chance to talk to you Brax,” she says hugging me “Where’s Courtney, I thought she was looking forward to this” I nod and explain the situation “She got offered the Editor job for Grove Media’s new fashion platform out in Harrington Cove”.

Mum looks all excited “That’s amazing for her, but on a Saturday?” she looks at me quizzically a bit “The interview was yesterday, and she’s blogging an event tonight but will be back tomorrow” Mum nods, not sure if she gets that the job is also in Harrington Cove.

Mum doesn’t ask the question, as she is too busy preparing mountains of food that is more than anyone can ever eat.

“Why don’t you take a break and come outside Mum” she looks at me and puts up the knife she was cutting Rockmelon with as a warning “I’m not going back out there to listen to Sue going on about how tough her life is” I move in and grab the knife. “Remember Mum, Dad’s one of 10 kids and pretty much everyone is here”.

Mum reluctantly leaves the kitchen and goes out the back door, I look up at the walls and see how many pictures there are of me and Nath on the walls, in particular, I look at the picture of us in Germany, winning my first ever World Championship when I was 17.

Heading outside, I’ve got to field about 40 questions about how my life is after retiring and whether or not I miss the sport. My answer to that is usually not really which is true but also, I do love a bit of competition which I miss. Add on top all the questions about where Courtney is and the afternoon drags on significantly.

The party winds down and I’m sitting out in the backyard looking at the yard where Nath and I would play of an afternoon after school in between whatever sports training we had. Mum comes wandering down the stairs from the deck and looks at me “What’s wrong with you?” she says as I sit there. “Nothing is wrong” I chime back rather brashly as Mum whacks me across the arm.

“Don’t lie to me Braxton” she says like I’m back being a child “Plus don’t talk to me like that just because your 30, now I know something wrong with you because you go all quiet on everyone”. I sit there and look at Mum “You might be 30 and covered in tattoos Brax, but some things never change do they?”

I sit there tell Mum everything “Not really, in all honesty, Courtney got offered a job in Harrington Cove and it’s a brilliant job for her editing the new Fashion platform at Grove Media ” Mum sits there listening to the job and the fact that she has to move for it and of course I want to be with her. Mum looks at me “So what is wrong with her being offered that job?” her question gets to the point of why I am feeling weird.

“Because I won’t be here with you and Dad plus not being around with Nath,” I say taking a swig of beer as Mum looks at me “So what? You don’t think that we can handle ourselves?” the expression of Mum’s face is telling as I can tell that she is annoyed by me doubting everything about this. “No that’s not what I’m worried about, I spent 11 years travelling around the world with Swimming and missed plenty of time with you and Dad so I want to be here,” I say to Mum who just hits me again.

“Grow up Braxton, you’re 30 years old, you managed to get tattoos down your arms, back and chest, travel the world Swimming, you’ve been a world champion, won Olympic medals and now you can’t live away from home” Mum looks at me as she puts her arm around me and pats my shoulder.

“You don’t need to think that you have to be here for us, Courtney is just as important for you and she had been there for all of this too, so whatever decision you make nobody will hate you for it” I hug her tightly and think about her words about moving with Courtney make me feel a bit better as I get up and head inside.

There is still plenty of food left and Mum makes us eat some and packs a container for Nathan, Naomi and I all to take home with us when we go home. I wander back and look at all the photos of me that Mum has on the wall from my various achievements, I look at how much I changed over time going from a teenager and how much I grew up, both muscle and tattoo wise, starting with the Olympic tattoo I got on my inner right bicep then it morphed into being part of my Dragon that took over the whole bicep and then arm as well as my pec and finished on my shoulder blade.

Nath wheels himself over to me “You need to forget about those, it’s only 7 World Championship titles you won and 5 Gold Medals at the Olympics” he says teasing me as I turn away from the pictures. “Did you tell Mum about Courtney’s opportunity?” Nath asks me as I go and sit down at the table.

“Yeah, and naturally, she told me to go with Courtney” Nath throws his hands up in the air after my answer “Hallelujah, what I told you the other night”. I nod “Yeah yeah, alright don’t need to rub it in bro,” I say still thinking about it. Naomi comes over to check if Nath is ready to go “Heard all about the job for Courtney, that’s brilliant and I hope you’ll enjoy Harrington Cove… and don’t tell me you’re thinking about it because Nath told me everything and I agree with him”.
I smile and hug Naomi, she herself is just a remarkable person, she was Nath’s on/off girlfriend for as long as I can remember and when Nath had his accident, they weren’t seeing each other but were still friends. I know she had another boyfriend then but she came straight to Nath and never left him since. She brings out the best in my little bro and he brings out the most in her looking after him.