Love In A Time of War

Ephraim walked to the living room doors leading out to the small terrace of the apartment on East 66th. Street, where they had lived for a year. It was a balmy Spring day in 1947. They had been in New York, since their escape. He thought of all they had been through and now this. Fear could abate and surrounded by the two he loved more than life, could go away, but now had returned to haunt them again. Adam, now 12, would be coming home later, and Bernardo was due in about an hour. The dinner was practically ready, so without thinking, he went downstairs and asked the doorman not to say anything to Mr. Van Dam about what had occurred and he hurried down the street towards First Avenue and the florist. His English still held traces of Italian, but Bob, greeted him warmly as he came through the door.

“Beautiful day, Mr. Katz, looking for anything in particular?”

“Just a dozen red roses, thank you.”

“Having friends for dinner?”

He and Bernardo always thought Bob might be that way, owning the shop with his mother, but they had remained as discreet and private as they could, two bachelors living together with an almost teenage boy. He shook his head, paid the bill and dashed back to the apartment. Checking the roast, he put 10 of the roses in a vase, and he took the other two roses and went into their bedroom and scattered the petals across the bed. He then changed into a pair of tight pants and a short sleeved shirt.

Ephraim had no idea how he would get through the evening with the bombshell that had fallen earlier, but of one indisputable fact he was sure, he would die for Bernardo.

When he walked through the door, put his briefcase down, and took off his hat, Ephraim could not help himself, he threw himself in his arms and around the incredibly tall and muscular perfection of a man, kissing him all over, loving his scent. At Juilliard, where he now taught violin, when he wasn’t playing for the Philharmonic; he often saw young aspiring thespians and knew he had to act as though everything was okay, until he could tell him.

Bernardo kissed him back, tongue down his throat, hands in his hair. “You keep that up and we won’t make it through dinner. How long is schnucki gone?”

He still called him that. “Philip said he would bring him back around nine. It’s later than we normally allow for a school night, but he had band practice and he hasn’t seen them for a week, so we thought it was okay and we will make it through dinner, it’s a favorite of yours.”

Bernardo pulled him close, rubbing his groin against his. “You’re a favorite of mine.”

They sat at the small dining room table, shoes off, feet interwoven as Bernardo told him about his day. Listening, Ephraim thought he never seen anyone more beautiful in his life. They were now, he about to be thirty and Bernardo in this early thirties; not as young as when they met. They had survived so much; their escape; the false identity; almost loosing Adam; the new life in a big city; the struggles with language and finding work; the eternal debt of gratitude to Luisa and Philip, and most of all the love, the total unconditional love that got them through. Would it get them through this? Their sexuality had been a secret they could live with, but this had been their biggest cross, and now could bring everything down.

With dinner and the lovely wine drunk; the dishes done, and Ephraim being vague about his day, he led the man he worshipped more than anything into their bedroom, knowing all that mattered was this time they had together. “God, you are so fucking beautiful. How do you do it?”

Bernardo laughed. “Maybe, it’s because I’m head over heels in love with the most flawless man in the world.” He pulled them onto the bed, cocks sawing against each other through their straining pants. “Do you know when I came into your apartment in Milan, I thought I would die? Remember? To be assigned to take these political prisoners to their death and to fall in love with you and schnucki. Right away and forever.”

Ephraim leaned and kissed his hair, his forehead, his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, the cleft in his chin, his ears, which he loved, and hovered above those perfect bee stung lips. “It is forever. Nothing will stop that. You’ve always taken care of me, of us, now I want to take care of you.” He lowered his mouth, running his tongue around his lips, onto his pearl white teeth, and then capturing his tongue, moving his face down, so noses touched noses and his curls tickled his face.

Bernardo growled low and sexy. He was all he would ever, want, need, and love! He lifted his head. “The roses and you are fucking sexy. Let’s do our exercise naked again!” They rushed to tear their clothes off, and got on the floor. In working out, and they both were in amazing shape, an exercise they found in a male exercise book, called for you to lie on your back, lift your torso off the ground and squeeze your gluteus Maximus . Bernardo would raise himself up and Ephraim would catch his prick on the up movement, spitting on it, slapping it against his face, pulling the hood back, pre cum flying, or flicking his tongue over it, and taking his big nuts to use some lubricant and rub them up onto his cock and fondle prick and balls together. They only did this when Adam was gone, due to the noise.

At the same time Ephraim would butt his dick into Bernardo’s hole as he raised up, and yank on his balls, both their pricks oozing pre fluid, like long mozzarella strands of cheese. Finally when Bernardo would huff that he was about to blow, Ephraim would swallow his tool, tighten his mouth and throat, and bring him to a copious load, some of which he would share for them to tongue in their mouths together and swallow.

Then they would trade places only this time Ephraim would balance on his hands, with Bernardo beneath him, eating his hole as he came down, Ephraim sandpapering his face with his hot hole, rubbing it all over Bernardo’s face, with him pinching his balls at the same time, and taking long strokes down his flagpole, with lubricated fingers, or just one, running up and down its length, then use both hands tight around his greasy dick, jerking like mad. When he was ready to shoot, he would flip over and cover Bernardo’s face with a salty semen cocktail, they would both drink.

Fucking would be long and slow, then more jackhammer. They still loved to both receive on their backs, to drown in the other’s eyes, with clothespins on each of their nipples. After a long prostate punching, they would move onto their upper backs, to fire on their faces, again to share their juice, sweaty chests glued together. Ephraim felt as though his brains would be fucked out of him. He never wanted it to end for fear of tomorrow. He had thought all of that was behind them, but now devastation seemed to loom as intense as his impending orgasm. “Harder,” he moaned, “right there. Again.” Bernardo swooped down and this time to pull him up to move to a sitting position, his long rod, running through Bernardo’s damp chest hair. “Close,” he whispered.

“Together” gasped Bernardo, ramming further, knocking his prostate senseless, devouring his mouth as a torrent of seed erupted from both ends, Ephraim clinging to him.

Once they had bathed, they sat on the sofa in the living room, waiting for Adam. Ephraim knew they had about thirty minutes before he might arrive. He took a deep breath, poured them each some more wine, and climbed onto Bernardo’s lap.

“Baby, if you’re trying to get me drunk to have your way with me, you never have to. I’m always willing, in fact I spend half the day with a semi, thinking of you.”

“Dearest, something has happened.” He took a sip of wine.

“Is that why we’re drinking more wine on a Thursday night?” He kissed his eyes.

“Wait, it’s not schnucki? No, you would have told me right away.” He expelled his breath.

They had been through so much what with the Lavender scare, having to hide, and now their private lives were to be torn open and he might be taken from them. He took his hand, knowing that no ring, no marriage, could bring them any closer. They would always be a pair.

With another fortifying sip of wine, Ephraim began. “Today at the end of Rebeca’s lesson, Leo called on the intercom to say that two men were in the lobby.” He started to cry and leaned his forehead against Bernardo’s. “Leo said they were looking for Klaus Jager and that someone had said he was living here. Leo said he had seen their badges and they were with the State Department.”

He felt Bernardo stiffen beneath him and he kissed his head. “Rebeca had heard this and being fifteen and very sharp, I hurried her out, ignored her questions, went to the lobby with her; and saw her mother outside. I walked out with her, said nothing, and came back in. Rather than have a conversation in the lobby, I identified myself as Ephraim Katz and brought them up here. They said that Gunter had been part of the Nuremberg Tribunal, that ended last October, and he identified you in the hopes of a lesser sentence, that he knew about me and somehow they had this address. I told them Klaus Jager was dead, that he died in the war.” Ephraim was sobbing now, “and that he saved us and other Jews, but they didn’t seem to believe me. They said there is an interview set up here in the city for next Thursday and they would come back here.”

Bernardo was white as a ghost. He lifted him, to get up and pace back and forth, running his hands through his hair. He gave out a small howl, to collapse on his knees. “Oh, God, what have I done? I’ve ruined so many people’s lives, yours and Adam’s, and Luisa and Philip, the people in Mr. Morgan’s firm, and so many others.”

Ephraim was suddenly on the floor, cradling him in his lap and spoke in a tone Bernardo had never heard before. “Listen to me, do you think I would fall instantly, irrevocably in love, forever in love, and that boy as well, because he is our boy, with the man that you just described?”

They heard the elevator ping. “That’s probably your boy, the love of your life.” He gave him his hand and pulled him up. “Come, let’s pull ourselves together for him, for the night, and always remember the love.”

Bernardo nodded. They heard the key and suddenly he was there. Their sun, moon, and stars. A growing boy, who was their heart.

The door opened and he came trundling in, carrying his tuba case. A tall boy with brown hair, and those wanting grey eyes. He still gave hugs and was full of excitement.

“Dads, guess what? The plans changed. Grandpa wanted it to be our secret but we had dinner at the Rainbow Room. It was amazing!” He wrinkled his nose. “I had to wear a jacket, I had at their place. Aside from the Empire State, it must be the closest to the stars in all of New York. Do you remember Dad when we laid out under the stars in Italy?”

Bernardo pulled him close. “How could I forget? Kringle was Ursula Major.”

He laughed, displaying the braces he hated, but they both thought him the most gorgeous thing. “Padre,” he said, as he called Ephraim, “I did my homework when I was at Grandma and Grandpa’s. How was Rebeca? he coyly asked, as he had a major crush on her.

“She was fine.”

He yawned. “I think I’ll hit the hay. Love you guys.”

Bernardo’s voice shook a little. “And we love you more. Sleep well, schnucki.”

Adam started down the hall to his room and he grinned, saying what he always said, knowing he would hate it if they did not: “Come in and say goodnight before you go to bed.”

The two men came together, and Ephraim put his arm around Bernardo’s waist. “We will, dearest.”

They knew he would go into his bathroom, put on his pajamas, clean his teeth, sometimes remember to put his clothes in the hamper, and climb into bed.

Ephraim put his head on Bernardo’s huge shoulders. He sighed. Got their wine glasses; they finished the wine, washed out the glasses, and walked down the hall to their son’s room, kissed him goodnight, and walked to their bedroom.

When the door was closed, Bernardo broke down again. Ephraim had seen him scared, he had seen him terrified, when they almost lost Adam, but never defeated like this. He helped him get into his pajamas bottoms, brushed the rose petals off the bed, to be swept up tomorrow, put his own pajamas on and led him into the bathroom. “Clean your perfect face, brush your gorgeous teeth, and then we will get into bed.”

Bernardo sniffled a little. “What would I do without you?”

“Well, mister we’re not going to find that out for a very long time, you know.”

Hand in hand they went into the bedroom, and climbed into their bed, spooning together till first Bernardo, then Ephraim drifted off.

Somewhere in the night there was a bang and Klaus sat bolt upright. They were in the plane, had been shot at, and were going down. He had to protect them. He shook his head and realized he was in their apartment. They must not have shut the window all the way and a wind had picked up. He got out of bed, went and closed the window and stood looking down at Ephraim, his heart hammering away. His boys were his life, but he had lied and put them in danger and now what would the outcome be? He went into to pee, pulled on his pajamas, and then crept in to check on Adam. He quietly picked up Kringle and sat in his chair. Adam didn’t take him everywhere anymore, but he was still a part of their life, a bit grayer, but a constant.

His mind went back to Italy and that night when he told Adam that he was sure his family was gone. He knew no one ever returned from Risiera and that was the start of a life he wanted and dreamed of, but never thought possible. A male lover and a child.

That next morning, while Adam was with the children, he told Ephraim of his plan with Luigi, that they had discussed when the went to bury the boy, Eli. They would take Luigi’s old truck and go back towards Lake Garda and they would round up as many Jewish people as they could and help them to Switzerland and bring at least six back to the farm to fly away. Klaus had explained that Luigi was a pilot, who during the late Spring and Summer flew tourists around the Dolomites. He also said there was a bank near Lake Garda where all the money his grandfather had left him was kept and he must try and get it. He sat on the bed and pulled Ephraim in, who was shaking and crying. “Amante maschio, (male lover) I would go through the rest of our life believing I had failed, if I don’t try and do this. The Fascists have made Luigi fly for them and in doing so he has managed to do reconnaissance, as a kind of double agent, so we must try and do this. My assignment for Milan was only for two days. We must save who we can, before they begin to suspect and start to look for me.”

Ephraim had moved to the window, thinking that the fear would never end, the terror never abate, and it was only diminished and smitten by this perfect man here.

Klaus remembered that he had told him he was never a failure and that he and Adam were his life, but Ephraim said he understood and that his love and strength would be tested without him.

Klaus had explained that Switzerland was probably five hours in the truck and they would each take turns driving. He would go in his SS uniform and if stopped, say he has captured Luigi and was on his way to capture others.

Luigi had been with an expert forger they knew in the Resistance and Klaus would become Bernardo Van Dam, figuring with his coloring they could turn him into an Italian Dutch man. Once they left the bank with his money, he would be Klaus to and from Switzerland, but then he would assume that identity, after returning. He would be hunted now as Klaus Jager and maybe he could pass better as Italian and Dutch. The forger had fake papers and documents for fifteen Jewish people of different ages and sexes. One would be the card found on Eli, but with the last name changed to Van Dam.

“Today you and the children, and our child, can help Marissa, will all the food they have been hoarding. Some Luigi and I will take and the rest we must put on the plane. You see, it can hold ten and it is about a two and a half hour flight to Madrid. Then we must make it to Lisbon, maybe by train. In one week there is a cargo ship leaving for New York. I have thought about it. I don’t know where else we can go. Luisa and Philip will help us. It is not safe for any of us, but if we make it there,” he started crying, “Adam will not want to go so far, but I am sure his family is gone. You can send telegrams from the bank and I must try to reach Luisa and Philip in code, so they know of our arrival.” He had showered Ephraim with kisses and told him he loved him and Adam more than anything in the world.

Adam stirred in his sleep and Klaus stood and put Kringle back on the chair and covered Adam’s foot, which was out from the blanket. Adam opened his eyes. “Dad?”

He bent and kissed Adam’s forehead. “It’s okay, my love, go back to sleep. I just was checking on you.”

He crept back to their bedroom and eased himself into bed, knowing he only felt safe with Eph and Adam. He gazed over at him as they tried to sleep face to face. The wondrous curls, he had to admit he needed a bit of a haircut, that perfect nose, his fine cheekbones. His eyes were closed, but what stories they told, like green prisms or a kaleidoscope - happy, excitement, lust, sorrow, but always love. For everyone he met, for him, and them.

Closing his eyes, he tried to sleep, but memories could be pernicious things. His now went to the boat. He knew they had rescued a total of 20 Jewish people; he had gotten the money and sent the cable in the guise of a German, kept that ruse to Switzerland and back, but he couldn’t let his mind go back to the plane, Luigi, or what had happened.

His mind instead took him to the boat. They had, through Resistance contacts, secured tickets for themselves and a Jewish family they had rescued, who survived.

The journey had been hell. They were exhausted, without food, and had not bathed in days. It was a Portuguese freighter bound for New York City - a crossing of six days.

The crew of the freighter were less than pleased that they would now have six stowaways as opposed to the agreed three, but the Epstein’s, the Jewish family, had relatives in New York. Bernardo had paid handsomely for the bribe to take them. There was little food to be found, even with Portugal not in the War, and now there would be less for the crew.

Bernardo picked Adam up and they walked up the gangplank in the night sky. Adam buried his head in Bernardo’s neck, and the two lovers fretted as he seemed peaked and lethargic. The Epstein boy, who was a year older, seemed okay, but they were all near their end, having been on a train, then on foot, and hidden in Lisbon for two days. Ephraim followed Bernardo, holding Kringle, and their bags, one of which held all of Bernardo’s lira and the undamaged Renoir.

Their quarters were tiny, one for the Epstein family, and one for them. Bunks, and they placed Adam on one, covering him up with their coats.

The captain, who spoke Italian, gave the orders: they had to stay below deck, remain out of site, would have small amounts of food, and five minutes per person to shower, in a small dimly lit closet of a shower. They could shower, now, eat their small dinner, and they would be away at 2100 hours.

“That’s nine pm,” Adam told them, weakly.

The Epstein family went first to shower, and when, Sol, the father of the family informed them it was their turn, Adam showed a reluctance to go in by himself, so Ephraim went in with him, taking their small bar of what soap was left.

Lettie, Mrs. Epstein, said she would look after Adam while they bathed, and almost as soon as they put him in his bunk, he fell asleep.

“You two go on.” Lettie smiled. “If dinner comes, I’ll make sure he has his.”

Going back to the shower room, Bernardo pulled him in. “I need you so.” He gave a slow, heartbreaking grin. “Do you know how long it’s been? If we shower together; we get ten minutes.”

Ephraim knew it was a risk, but he entered the room with him. Leaving their drawers on a hook, they washed each other, then Bernardo started kissing him madly. He drew their erect dicks together, docking their now clean foreskin over each other, sliding back and forth, rubbing together, their leakage joining the water going down the drain. Bernardo knelt and swallowed him down, jabbing his finger deep up his hole, nailing his prostate, causing him to shake and grab Bernardo’s golden hair and keep forcing him down on his over anxious cock, pushing his nose into his tangle of dark pubic hair.

He exhaled deeply and deposited what seemed a gallon of sperm down his throat. Working quickly he lathered his might prong with some soap, Bernardo bent; fingering his hairy hole and Ephraim slammed into him, days of passion, fear, exhaustion and worry, culminating in a wicked fuck as they moved around the shower closet, Ephraim reaching around him to pull his pert teats, and chest hairs, his balls slapping against that taut ass he loved more than anything. Bernardo was yanking his penis and they arched their feet as Ephraim shot again up his love. Bernardo turned, growled “down” and with the water running out, like their clocked time, Bernardo shot and shot in his hair, eyebrows and cheeks. He drew him up and they drank the copious load together as Bernardo tongued it into his mouth.

The journey seemed endless, with rough seas, and there was no doubt, by any of the crew, that they were a pair. Adam seemed very listless, the men taking turns alternatively walking him and carrying him all over the underbelly of the ship. When Moises, the Epstein son, had wanted to show him the crates in the hold, carrying cars, for the War effort, wine, it was rumored for the president of the United Sates, and war machine parts, Adam showed little interest.

Lettie took them aside, and told them she was worried, as they were, and they must keep him hydrated. She sternly informed her husband and son, to divvy up the water supply for Adam, which deeply touched them, as Ephraim knew they adored Bernardo for saving them.

On the fourth night, Ephraim had woken, needing to pee in the head, as it was called, when he heard Adam’s labored breathing. He was in the upper bunk, Adam in the lower, and Bernardo opposite. Ephraim leaned down and placed his palm on Adam’s forehead. He was burning up. His heart beating like mad, he roused Bernardo and together they decided they must wake Lettie and get her advice. Having woken her she came quickly in, felt the listless Adam all over, and looked up at them, fear in her eyes. “He’s very warm.” Bernardo backed into Ephraim’s arms. “We must see if there is a thermometer to know his temperature.”

Bernardo was already out the door of their cabin. To Ephraim she said, “let’s get him out of these clothes. He is soaked. For now we must get him under more covers, but leave most of his things off.”

By now Bernardo knew his way around the ship. Finding some of the crew in the small mess, he blurted out, in Italian. “who knows medicine here? Our boy is very sick. We need a thermometer.”

They looked at him blankly and he realized they did not understand him, knowing only Portuguese. He grabbed the smaller of the two men, and dragged him to their cabin. He pointed at Adam. The man nodded, held his hand up and went running from the cabin. Bernardo was crying and Ephraim was rocking Adam saying that they loved him more than anything.

The man returned with the Captain who looked less than pleased at having his sleep interrupted. The two men spoke together, the smaller one breaking off, running from the cabin, with Bernardo going crazy until the Captain said to them all, in Italian, “we have no real doctor on board. They are getting a thermometer and the one crew member who knows some medicine.”

By now Adam was shivering and when they returned they all seemed uncertain about how to proceed. The Captain spoke to her and Lettie took over, telling the Captain to give her the thermometer, and they should wait outside. “They didn’t know what to do; how to take it because he is shivering. I know what to do. Ephraim do you still have some Vaseline?”

He nodded and got it. She rubbed it on the thermometer. We take it the other way.” She patted her behind.

They both looked sick and Bernardo gripped his hand.

“Ephraim you help me turn him. Bernardo you hold his head on your lap.”

Bernardo met Ephraim’s eyes and for both of them they held more fear than they had ever known. Bernardo held his head, bending and kissing his head, telling him that he and Ephraim loved him more than anything in the world.

Lettie said it was 103. Ephraim had been with Adam through colds, and stomach viruses, but nothing like this. He scooped Adam into his arms, rocking him back and forth. “We’re here, my angel and Kringle, too. He is beary sorry you are going through this.”

The Captain and the officer who knew some medicine came back in. They had some supplies and they agreed on an aspirin. Ephraim remembered he still had one of the two he’d taken back in Milan. They would grind it up and put in water, for him to swallow.

“It is very close in here, he must have some air.” Lettie said.

The Captain said no, it was too dangerous.

Bernardo took a step towards him and Ephraim thought he could kill again. “You let us take our boy out on deck for some air. Do you hear me?”

There was a pause, the the Captain said “wear darkest clothes and hats. Don’t go too far from the door. Just back and forth.”

Bernardo turned in the bed in their apartment, and glanced at the clock. It was one thirty. He spooned into Ephraim, remembering that week had been the worst of their life. In his lowest moment he remembered a nurse at the hospital who had told him that God only gave us what we could handle. They had been through so much, less he knew than many, but he recalled taking Adam up on deck, the fever going up and down, thinking he would go mad. He had all he ever wanted and dreamed of in both of them. He couldn’t exist without them.

For the remaining day and half they had tried to be strong, and keep fluids in their absolute love. As they were nearing New York, Bernardo had a major fight with the Captain to send a radiogram to Luisa and Philip to have an ambulance waiting at the dock and a hospital they could go to. He had cried, screamed and pleaded, being aware of the danger, but he didn’t care. He would devise a code, so as not to put Luisa and Philip in danger, too. The Captain had finally acquiesced and Bernardo stood in the shadows of the deck having a rare cigarette he had left, and praying.

He had brought their things up on deck and saw Ephraim bringing Adam up, followed by the Epstein family, as they got their first glimpse of the Statute Of Liberty, and the Empire State Building and all the towers of the city.

Ephraim knew Bernardo wanted to show Adam these and he too prayed he still would be able to.

Lettie came over to them and had slipped a piece of paper in Ephraim’s pocket. “Our address where we’ll be in the Lower East Side, as they call it. You are both amazing men. Ever since I have met you, I have known how lucky he is.” She kissed them both on the cheek. “You will survive this.”

They walked down the gangplank in America, with a very sick boy, not knowing a word of English, but thankful to find an ambulance waiting and two very elegant people in a car behind it. A man opened the door and they stepped out.

Bernardo would remember forever Ephraim’s first introduction to Luisa Girabaldi. “Ephraim and Philip will go in the ambulance with him. Klaus and I must talk on the way. There will be a Dr. Peterson waiting. They will give him something in the ambulance.” She took Ephraim’s hand. “You must be strong.” She motioned for Bernardo to get in the car and informed the man driving the car that they were ready.

Bernardo stood feeling more helpless than he had ever felt. He saw two men put his absolute love on the stretcher and through a sea of tears went and kissed him. “I’ll be with you shortly. Eph and Kringle are with you. They will give you some medicine to make you feel better, Kring too.” He hugged Ephraim and whispered in his ear that he loved him more than life itself; he shook hands with Philip, and still stood watching as the doors to the ambulance closed, but it didn’t pull away.

He felt Luisa’s hand on his. “They will give him an IV, with medicine. Come, we must go.”

He reluctantly got in the big car, and she told this man she called Charles they were ready to go now. “We are going to Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital. It is way up town, but Philip being a Vice President at Morgan Stanley, has connections there. There is much to talk about on the way.”

In the privacy in the back of the car, with a window shut between them and the driver, although Bernardo was not sure he could understand Italian, he explained as much as could, about their escape, even the plane crash, and Luigi, his false documents and his new ID. How they had decided Klaus Jager should die and Bernardo Van Dam he would become, because as a German and a Nazi, he would be hunted and he couldn’t leave them and must help them. Most of all, he talked about Ephraim and Adam. She noticed how when he did, those periwinkle eyes, gleamed with love.

“How will we tell Philip about Luigi? He considered him a son.”

She took his hand. “The three of you are here. That is our focus. You are what Philip and I love. He knew the risks. You will come and live with us in the apartment. I have been thinking; we will get a tutor for you all. You will get better, learn English, and we will be together.

Bernardo turned his huge blue eyes to her. “Nonna, do you hate me?”

“How can you ask such a question? You have always been my favorite. I am ashamed of your family; my daughter, she is weak, your father and Gunter, that is where hate began, but you, you cannot hate in life, it is not in your heart, but I come close with them. I must ask you, the boy has no family?”

“They were taken to Risiera.” He saw her shudder.

“Then they are gone. And Ephraim?”

Bernardo shook his head. “They were in Warsaw. He has not heard for months. He had a sister, who died long ago. I love them Nonna, more than I can say. I am hiding behind a fake name; in a strange city; not knowing the language; a homosexual, with the man and boy I love.” He started to weep. “I cannot lose Adam.”

She pulled him close. “I understand. I felt that way about your grandfather. The sun does come out though. Remember what Tennyson said: ‘Tis better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all’. We must plan though, like the good solider you are.”

When they arrived at the hospital, they found Ephraim, Philip, and Adam in a small room. Ephraim had put Kringle beside him.

Ephraim came over to him and brushed his hand with his. He gave him a tear filled grin. “He was calling for you in the ambulance.”

A young doctor walked in, identifying himself as Dr. Peterson, head of Pediatric Emergency, and began speaking, not realizing that they did not know a word of English. He said that it appeared Adam had a bad infection. They must run some tests, do bloodwork, keep him hydrated, and admit him. Philip translated for them.

Luisa told the doctor they had escaped the war, and knew no English. Luisa now translated for them, and Bernardo through tears, brought the sack of money he had carried in from the car, to the small table. Struggling, he looked at the doctor, told Luisa to translate and said. “This is all the money I have in the world. It is lira, but you must,” he sobbed, and pulled Ephraim over, “you must save our boy.”

The doctor looked at Luisa. “He fought in the war?”

“They escaped the war in Italy. Yes, I am his grandmother. My husband and I can sign any papers, as temporary guardians of the boy. We live at 950 Fifth Avenue. They will be living with us. The boy and the man are Jewish. He helped them, and I know others, escape.”

Dr. Peterson, pushed the bag aside. “Tell them we don’t need any money now.” He pointed to two hearing aids in his ears. “I wanted to fight, but couldn’t. They seem like good men. We all fight in our own way.”

It was decided that the two of them could take turns and stay. Bernardo would stay first. They wrote out a sign saying: “I am Italian. Please call Philip Garibaldi for translation. Lenox Hill 7-9213.” Philip took them both to a pay phone, giving them both change to call; explained to the nurses they would need to call, if they could dial for both of them, and got a menu from the cafeteria and translated items on it for them. They had taken Adam off for a chest scan and Luisa and Philip excused themselves so the men were alone. They said they could not go with Adam, but he would not be long.

Bernardo covered him with kisses behind the closed door. “I’m so afraid.”

Ephraim had nodded. “Me too.” They clung to each other. Bernardo stroking his hair. “This is the second time we have parted. It will never happen again, but their apartment is big and I understand beautiful, right on a huge park, on Fifth Avenue. I will get someone to dial the phone. I promise. I love you more than I can ever say.” He ground himself against him. “Try and get some rest, mio caro.”

Bernardo twisted in their bed at home, and realized in doing so, he had nudged Ephraim, who lifted his head from the pillow, putting a hand on his hairy chest as Bernardo had taken his pajama top off again when he had climbed back in bed.

Ephraim put his face to his and Bernardo drew his breath at such magnificence. Those curls, his flawless nose and skin, his wicked lips, and stunning grin, and those evergreen colored eyes, where he could always drown in pure bliss.

“What is it my greatest and only love. You haven’t been sleeping much.” It was a statement not a question.

Bernardo shook his head. He fondled Ephraim’s hair. “My mind took me back to the hospital. Those first days there, his hot little hand, then your call that second night. I was sure I would die. That you would say that we lost him, but your voice broke when you told me the fever was down to 100 degrees; he was exhausted, but nattering to you and Kringle. Then five days later we brought him home. Remember the incredible Dr. Peterson, and those wonderful nurses? How they helped us with the phone; brought us food, and took care of us?”

Ephraim kissed him on the mouth. “They fell in love with you because they knew you took care of us.”

“Adam calling me Klaus and telling me I was silly when he was still sick, and I was talking like a bear, like Kringle telling him I was Dr. Bear.” Ephraim nodded. “Then Philip helping us open a bank account; convert the lira to American dollars to pay the bill, then bringing him home and Nonna and Philip treating us like royalty, in that palatial apartment. Taking him for walks in the park, as he recovered, learning English with Nonna and the tutor. What about the time they tricked us into thinking they would be at Luchow’s and they weren’t as a test? We had to order in English and get home on our own. Adam taking to the city like a duck to water. You both getting your citizenship and Nonna and Philip becoming his guardians, because as two gay men we could not, and you with the Philharmonic and Juilliard, and Adam getting used to school; making friends; telling us about girls; me so incredibly proud and full of love, and having Lettie, Sol, and Moises on our sides, and this home Nonna and Philip helped us get, and me getting a job with Mr. Morgan and his firm.”

He turned his head away, tears falling. “And now it’s all a lie and look what I have done to you both.”

Ephraim covered his mouth, capturing his tongue, making him breathless. When they broke apart, it was Ephraim who was crying. “What you have done to both of us, is given us a life and unconditional love.”

He looked at him, his heart throbbing away. He pulled him on top of him, almost equal length, feet dancing together. “You are the glue that holds us together, that string of love.”

“Oh, my gorgeous one, love of my life, it won’t break. I promise you that. You’ve always helped us and I think it’s time we helped you.” He looked at his electric clock, which had a luminous dial. “It’s early in the morning, but what can I do to help you?”

Bernardo rubbed his groin against his. “Fuck me. Own me. Wash it away, as you always do, all the doubt, fear, and worry.”

Ephraim pinched his nipples and answered in a devilish tone. “Well, if that’s what I have to do.”

Bernardo moaned. “Remember my first commission and Mrs. McGinty’s house in Rye?”

They had kicked off their pajamas and Ephraim was licking in and around his belly button moving his tower out of the way, between letting it flap on his flat stomach, gently swirling out the pre from his helmet, to rub in his navel, but he lifted his head. “Talk about proud. Adam and I were over the moon with pride.”

“Get the elastic cords I kept from that furniture crate of hers, and truss up my legs.”

Ephraim leapt from the bed, long saber leading the way to their chest and opened a drawer and pulled out the long elastic cord. Returning to the bed, he looped it around Bernardo’s ankles and then each bedpost, spreading his legs like a “v”, then attaching the clothes pins to his succulent tits in his golden rod forest. He went to work, first running his hands over his muscles, then his luxuriant chest hair, following with his tongue and tugging on the clothes pins, making Bernardo toss his head back and forth. They always had to be quiet, when Adam was in his bedroom, but their eyes and body language said it all. There was already a long worm like thread of pre cum escaping from his hood, which Ephraim lapped up, tugging his foreskin down with his teeth, storing up his leakage, and began smearing it into his belly hair. He loved pulling the sleeve down, pining it shut, while using his other hand to torture his cock, finally pulling the hood open and draining the early deposit therein. Then ignoring his bobbing flagpole, he took first one of his tennis ball sized nuts in this mouth, tugging and squeezing with his teeth, trying to accommodate both at the same time.

He always marveled that Bernardo could stay in that splayed condition as he serviced him, alternating between long, languid, drooling swipes up his huge dick, into the hood, up his hairy legs, to his beautiful feet and toes, sucking on them. Bernardo was huffing like a steam engine, so Ephraim bent his head, his exquisite curls tickling his perineum, as he laved the hair leading to paradise, making his tongue into a long point to thrust into his asshole, then kissing, licking, and sucking at the tiny opening.

All the sculptors in the world could never carve out an ass like his, as his tongue moved around the furry muscular entrance, taking in his personal musk and going gently, then digging in and out of his hole, trying to bury his curls and head inside.

“Enough,” Bernardo sighed. “Fuck me.” Ephraim spit on his dick, then the tight orifice, rubbing his sheathed head around the opening, tugging on his low hanging nuts. He pushed forward. He loved it more when he could ride Bernardo’s tool up and down like a butter churn, but Bernardo adored this position so that he could fire towards or into his mouth, for them to share, and drink him in, as Ephraim pushed his legs higher, during their spirited rutting.

Bernardo knew he had never seen a more stunning man. The curls, depending on their length, may fall on his forehead. His arched eyebrows above those incredibly long lashed jungle green eyes. Speaking of jungle green, Bernardo knew Tarzan had nothing on his build. They were equally hairy, with taught muscles, bulging biceps and hairy pubes. He loved his cock and how studiously he used its long length to sometimes go slow, then quick, then deep. Bernardo would gaze at him and always be astonished that he owned such perfection.

They were moving in rhythm now, having perfected their love making, so with every pull out and deep thrust in, two bodies, hearts and souls became one. Ephraim could pound him like a locomotive gone amuck, torturing his prostate, gooey release coating their firm, taut, muscular bodies and luscious man fur. Bernardo would squeeze his cheeks tighter and tighter, making the pressure build around his penis, like a soft channel enveloping his cock, till it would explode.

One final lunge and Bernardo let loose, cum covering his face and into his panting mouth as Ephraim yanked mercilessly on the clothes pins, then deposited a river of semen up his lover’s tight tush, releasing the bands so they could collapse on each other, smelling their sweat and juice, before drinking it down, tongues fighting each other. Ephraim marveled that a few precious drops would end in the adorable cleft in his chin, to be lapped up with a vengeance.

“Do you know, will you ever know, how much I love you?” Ephraim asked.

Bernardo nodded his head. “And I love you more.”

They got cleaned up, aware that there was little of the night left and wrapped their arms around each other. “Do you know what I think? I don’t care who you are. I know that you are mine. No name, no decision, no outcome will ever change that. I think we should get and wear rings. Maybe around our necks on chains, but we belong to each other.” He picked up Bernardo’s hand and intertwined their little fingers. “You are the best man I have ever known, you are all I will ever want,” his voice trembling, he went on, “and I am the luckiest person ever.”

Bernardo said nothing. He brushed back those curls and some tears fell on Ephraim’s face. “Oh, Eph. You are my reason for living. It’s crucial you never forget that.” He pulled him in and kissed him as they drifted off.

Adam woke up to his alarm and sat for a moment on the side of the bed. He turned on the light and the first and last image he always saw when he went to sleep and awoke, were the two pictures on his night table. The first was of his parents, and he, and Sarah. He remembered it was his seventh birthday and there was a cake in front of him. The second was of him and his two dads in Montauk, where they had gone on their first solo vacation, since coming to America. His dad was holding him on his shoulders and padre was right there, holding one of his hands. He hadn’t known till they had made it to Portugal that Klaus had found the picture of his family in the apartment and put it in his bag.

They had found out after the war through UNRRA, then UNICEF, that no one taken to Risiera had lived. He had lost a first family, but gained two dads, who took such amazing care of him, and two grandparents, all of whom loved him dearly and he felt exactly the same way. He had mourned terribly the loss of his parents and sister, but he loved his dads more than anything.

He went into the small kitchen and found padre, getting ready his oatmeal, yogurt, eggs, and toast. Here in the apartment, he still allowed kisses, although they were normally on the top of his head. He carried his juice to the small table, with its bench seats by the window. He loved this apartment and the different views, here looking down to the courtyard, the living room and small terrace, where they could see the Chrysler Building, and his bedroom, which looked to East 67th. Street.

“Where is dad? He came in last night to check on me. Is he all right?”

Ephraim took his coffee over to the table and sat opposite him. “He left early. He wanted to try and see Mr. Morgan before a lot of people got in.”

“Why?” He asked as he had his toast.

“Finish your breakfast.”

He gazed at him, the greatest wonder and love of their lives. He never gave them an ounce of trouble, but was brilliant, delightful, caring, funny, and theirs. How could he tell him? Bernardo didn’t want him to do it, but Ephraim knew he would suffer enough when he found out.

Adam drank his juice, ate his breakfast, but with a foreboding that children can sometimes have, particularly children of a war, knowing something was not right.

“Let’s leave the dishes and come in your bedroom. We have a few minutes to talk.”

Those haunting grey eyes looked up at him. “I meant to put my clothes in the hamper. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not that, darling.” They sat on the bed. “I need to tell you something.” Adam whirled around on the bed. “Is he sick?”

Ephraim pulled him close. “He’s not sick. Do you remember before we left the farm and so many things happened, we decided that Klaus Jager should die in the war, because as a German, and he never wanted to be, he was forced to be, a Nazi, part of the Gestapo, it would be safer, to become Bernardo Van Dam, with faked documents, a passport, and a new name. Remember how we doctored the card that Eli had on him? That lovely man, the forger, who was on the plane, fixed the documents and he became Bernardo. You always recalled it so well and did it so beautifully. It was a lot to ask of both of you. Coming to America, still with a war going on, it would have been impossible to be who he was. Everything that he did and does, is for us. I know that you love him more than anything.” Adam looked surprised and Ephraim took his hand. “It’s okay that you do.” He put his forehead against his. “People are so quick to judge other people and love. He and I love each other more than words could convey, and yet because we’re men it’s wrong. That’s why Nonna and Philip are listed as your guardians, even though you do belong to us.”

He sighed. “Your father has always felt he’s lived two lies, as a man who loves another man and as Bernardo Van Dam. It’s why he couldn’t become a citizen and we could. Yesterday two Government men came to the apartment and said they were looking for Klaus Jager. His brother, Gunter, was on trial in Germany for all the horrible things he did to Jewish people, and in order to get less of a sentence, named your father as a war criminal.” He felt Adam stiffen. “There is to be a hearing on Thursday and he will be there, because that’s the kind of man he is.”

Adam was crying. “He helped others, he helped Lettie, and Sol, and Moises; he helped us. What will happen?”

“I don’t know.” They sat for a moment looking at the picture of him. “That there is a perfect man.”

“But if he is not Klaus and not Bernardo, who is he?”

“Can I ask you a question?” Adam looked up at him. “In that other picture with your incredible family, it was your birthday and when you got your gift, was it the wrapping or what was inside, that was most important?”

“What was inside.”

“Then what’s in a name, as they say. He can be anyone but will be always be ours. The one who saved us and does every day.”

“What can we do?”

“Save him.”

“How do we do that?”

“By being you. That’s how you save him every day.”