Figuring Out Gay Stuff

My first time at an abs

Warm Summer Evening in South Minneapolis, c. 1986

This is a true story. I always knew I was gay but had never done anything with another guy. It took me years to realize how dumb and naive I was back then. But I did have some fun along the way while I was discovering things.

* * * *

I was a smart kid. I thought I knew a lot about life and living. But when it came to coming out and learning about the gay world of the 80s, I was a babe in the woods, innocent and naive.

I grew up in a small town of about fifty thousand people with a large manufacturing company that employed two-thirds of the population. To my limited knowledge, there were no gay people around and I felt isolated and alone. I went to school in the Midwest and stayed in school as long as I could manage. I was twenty-nine when I finished grad school. Luckily, I landed a job in Minneapolis after school where I had several friends from school. Unfortunately, they all took jobs elsewhere.

Growing up an Irish Catholic, there was a lot of shame about my body and even more about being gay. I kept quiet about things as a way of protecting myself. When I say I was naive, I mean, ‘What’s gaydar?’ I never met an out gay man until I was finishing up school and I was twenty-six years old! How dumb and clueless was I?

Moving to Minneapolis was an eye-opening experience not only because of the climate difference (my first year was the coldest on record and the second year was the most snow on record!) but also in the openness of the gay world and civil rights protections. Gay men were pretty open and visible. But I still didn’t know how to access things or approach anyone. I’d never been out on a date before. Not even with a girl. I didn’t know how to chat or flirt with guys at the gay bars. And since I seemed to be invisible to the rest of the patrons, I did what I knew best. I watched. Every so often someone would buy me a drink. I figured that meant he wanted sex so I never drank them. I was too scared. I wanted to know something before I went out with a guy. So if a guy bought me a drink, I would get up and leave. How dumb was that?

Then one day I was driving around the neighborhood and I saw an adult theater, on a not-so-nice part of Lake Street. This part of town was run down and a lot of homes and businesses were in bad shape, some even boarded up. But I was curious. What’s an adult theater? Now I wasn’t that stupid that I didn’t know they would be showing porn there, but anything else was anyone’s guess as far as I was concerned. So I drove around it several times, turning around and going back, taking it in from all angles. I thought it was weird that I never saw anyone go in or come out even though there didn’t seem to be any parking spaces around. Those drivers had to be somewhere.

After several reconnaissance missions on several different days, I decided I wanted to go in and check things out for myself. For whatever reason when I scouted out the place, I never saw the fenced-in parking lot in the rear of the theater. But this day I saw it. I drove in and found a parking space right away. Another guy was just leaving so I pulled right in after him. ‘Ah, so this is the door the men go in and out of,’ I said to myself as I saw two guys come out and one go in. ‘Makes sense. It’s hidden. No one can see you come and go. Your car is covered by the fence. Nobody knows.’ That gave me a little more confidence in my anonymity. So I followed the guy in front of me and walked in.

When I got inside it looked like any other video store at the time. There were several rows going pretty far back all containing boxed DVDs of porn. Porn, Porn, and more porn. I didn’t even know some of that stuff would turn a guy on. It certainly didn’t me. Especially since most of it was straight porn. The covers showed all kinds of deformed women with breasts too large to be of any fun. At least in my humble gay-boy opinion.

Against the far wall, farthest away from the cashier, was a ten-foot section of gay porn. Much more inviting, I thought. All the guys on the covers looked like farm-fed Minnesotan boys, blonde, blue-eyed, shapely muscles on hairless bodies. They could be any of the guys I went to school with or saw over at Lake Calhoun playing volleyball or line-skating, or running, or biking around. This was my spot. Got a boner just thinking about it what those boys might be doing in the film.

As I was lifting box after box, checking things out, I heard a loud squeaky noise. I looked up and saw a man with a suit on was coming out of a hidden door in the wall. He hurriedly walked down the aisle and out the back door. I walked over to see what the scoop was. On the door was a sign announcing to patrons that to enter, you needed a token. Pay for such token at the cashier’s desk. It cost $5.00 to enter. As I stood there reading everything on the sign, the door opened and an older blue-collar man in his late 40s came out. He saw me standing there and smiled, holding the door open for me. I guess he thought I was going in and he was blocking my way. I said, “Thanks.” And went inside (not paying for a token).

Beyond the door was another door, I guess to block out any light that might come in as men came and went. Once I got inside, there was a small, old-time theater. Back in the day, this was probably a real movie house. Today, there up on the screen was a girl/woman dressed in a school uniform, like the kind girls wore to Catholic Girls School. She had her knee-high socks on and penny loafer shoes. She kept flapping her skirt back and forth making it obvious that she had no underpants on underneath. After a bit, she reached down between her legs and started playing with herself, finally pulling it up to her waist to show what she was doing down there.

Well, needless to say, this movie was doing nothing for me. But as I was about to go, I saw an older guy, in his 50s I’d say, with his pants down, dick out, stroking madly while watching the movie. I thought to myself, ‘I think the real show might be out here.’ So I found a seat and started watching the small crowd of men sitting all around me. Most sat up front, I guess trying to get a closer look at the young pussy up on the screen. But scattered around the rest of the theater were several pairs of men. They looked like they were watching each other, maybe talking about the movie. I wasn't really sure. But then, every so often I’d one of the two men disappear, then about five minutes or so later he'd pop up again. 

Then I saw several guys leaving by a door to the left of the screen down front. So I thought, ‘I wonder what’s behind that door?’ So I got up from my seat and exited out the same door. I figured I needed to do a bit more exploring around this place. Once I got past that door, I enter a long hallway the length of the building. On the left side of the hall were a whole bunch of doors with latch handles on them. There were lights flashing up to the ceiling and under the doors all over the place. As I took a step forward, there was a huge sign displaying all the various videos that were playing. ‘Ah so I can pick my own movie,’ I thought. ‘I wonder if they have gay ones back here?’ At the bottom of the sign there were two rows of guy flicks with numbers in the corners. So I wandered down the hall looking for the booths with those numbers thinking, ‘I might as well watch one while I’m here.’

What I hadn’t really paid attention to while I was reading, was the number of men leaning against the wall or slowly walking up and down the hallway. As I sauntered down toward the gay booths, I did notice that several men eyed me as I walked by, making me feel very uncomfortable. ‘What’s with them?’ I wondered.

A few feet further down I saw the first number “85”, the booth number for my gay porno. The door was ajar so I stepped in. I turned around and flipped the hook into the eye and locked the door behind me. I had a few dollars of quarters so I popped one in and the movie started. Almost immediately there was someone trying to open the door. When he saw that it was locked he jiggled it hard. Was he trying to see if he could jiggle it open or what? I decided he'd figure out sooner or later than someone was in here so didn’t pay any attention. I unzipped my pants and pulled out my dick and started jacking it while I watched the movie.

What I hadn’t seen when I walked in was a circular hole in the partition between my booth and the next. I probably still wouldn’t have noticed, because the movie was so good, but something caught my eye. A finger was poking through it and curling up and inward, beckoning me over to the hole. I squatted down to look and see what was in there. As I did I saw a man standing there with a nice-sized prick poking out of his work pants. He was facing me and swaying his hips showing off his cock. After a couple of minutes, he whispered through the hole. “Show me yours.” I was wearing shorts that had fallen to the floor. So I stood there, dick in hand with only a t-shirt on. I lifted up my shirt and showed him my penis. I didn’t put a show on like he did.

While I was doing that he went back at the hole wiggling his finger at me again. I couldn’t hear what he was whispering so I got a little closer. “That’s it,” he said, “put it through here.”

I looked down and his mouth was open just inside the hole. My heart was pounding and I started to sweat some, but thought, ‘What the hell?’ I took a step forward and put my dick through the hole. Instantly I was surrounded by heat. It felt so off that my penis was the only thing that was hot. It felt kinda weird, but the longer I felt it, the better it made me feel. Then there was a motion. It kinda felt like when I jacked myself off sliding my hand up and down my prick. But this wasn’t a hand. It was wet and soft and hot. Crap it felt really good. I arched my back and stuck myself in there as far as I could, grabbing onto the top of the booth’s wall for balance. I didn’t want to fall over doncha know. (By the way, these partitioned walls were high. But since I’m 6 foot 3, I had no problem grabbing the top.)

This went on for some time during which I couldn’t believe my luck to find a guy who wanted to do that to me and make me feel so fucking good! But I could tell I was getting closer and closer to shooting my load. ‘Now what the fuck do I do?’ I thought. ‘I should probably pull out and shoot on the floor on my side of the wall. I guess that’d be ok. I hate making a mess. But… Oh, God!’

Before I could parse it any further, my dick exploded. I suddenly realized I WAS SHOOTING CUM IN THAT GUY’S MOUTH! I was so embarrassed. But what could I do? I was mid-orgasm shooting cum like nobody's business! I guess it didn’t matter. Who can see me? He doesn’t know who I am. And I don't care who he is. I tried to stop all that shit going on in my head. I just wanted to enjoy this. So I just let nature take its course and came by the bucket load down some dude's throat.

As soon as I finished, I pulled away and pulled up my shorts. I turned to the door, unlocked it, and tried to get away as quickly as I could. But the guy who had just blown me? His booth was closer to the exit doorway and he came out just as I tried to scoot by. He was an older guy, late 50s or maybe even early 60s I’d say. Not bad looking for an old guy I thought. He gave me a big smile and said, “Thanks for letting me suck your cock.”

I was shocked! ‘He’s thanking me? Here? Now? With men around? I don't want to talk to this guy.'

He went on. “The taste of a young man’s cum is delightful.”

‘I taste delightful? Huh?!’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I just wanted to get out of there. I said nothing in response but I gave him a nod and tried to hurry by him. He grabbed my arm as I tried to get past him and he pulled me in close. “I’d like to do that again if you’d let me.”

‘What?’ I thought. I'm sure my shock was written all over my face. But he didn't seem to care. He went on. “I’m here most afternoons about this time. In this same booth. I hope you’ll come back when I’m here.” He patted my arm and said, “See you soon. I hope.” Then he wandered down the hallway back toward the theater entrance.

I had seen the exit door at the opposite end and made a beeline for it. Outside I took a deep breath of the fresh air. It wasn’t until I was out there that I realized how bad that place stank inside. It was a nasty mix of strong ammonia smells and Pine-Sol cleaner. It got nastier as I thought about why it smelled like that. That thought made me shiver.

I stood there on the sidewalk with the parking lot behind me and tried to relax and catch my breath. Getting sucked off for the first time felt really good. Like nothing I’d ever done to myself for sure. But in there? With that guy? I don’t know.

As I stood there taking in all that had happened inside, I noticed a very handsome, well-dressed man walk around the vehicle parked in front of me. It was a late model, silver Cadillac, with chrome trim and a black leather-trimmed roof. Our eyes caught each other and he gave me a beautiful, white-toothed smile. He nodded and I smiled back. With only a moment’s hesitation, he walked back around his Caddy and strode right up to me, the broad smile never leaving his handsome face.

He stood about six feet tall and had a silver-colored tailored suit on. Was he like trying to match his car? That seemed weird. He had very short sandy hair, graying on the sides, making him look quite distinguished. I kept thinking, ‘A guy like you was in there?’ He came right up to me, a little too close for my comfort, especially him being a stranger and all, and he asked me, “Were you inside?”

I nodded and said, “Yeah.”

“I didn’t see you in there,” he said as he crossed his arms over his chest, emphasizing his well-built upper body. He looked me over down and up. Like I said, I was at least three inches taller than he was, but I’m the tall skinny kind of guy. I only weighed about a buck fifty with long dangly arms. My legs and ass, however, had nice lean curvy muscles from biking around the lakes every day and inline skating with my friends most weekends. I’ve been told I’m cute but I still always felt self-conscious being so thin.

He looked around over his shoulder I guess to see who, if anyone, might be around. Then he asked in a lowered voice, “Are you a hustler?”

At first, I didn’t know what he meant. Innocent me. Then it dawned on me. ‘He thinks I’m standing around waiting on a trick? Oh my God!’ Trying to be as cool as I could manage, I rumpled my forehead and replied, “No.”

“Too bad,” he said, “for me that is.” He gave me that once over again and snickered. “You could sure make some bucks if you were.”

I didn’t know how to take that so I ignored him.

“What are you doing hanging around here then?” he wondered out loud.

I laughed. “I’m just horny like the rest of you guys.”

He laughed too. He turned and started to walk away, but had a thought. He walked back and asked, “Have you ever been to the river?”

“Huh?” I was clueless. ‘What river is he talking about?’ I wondered.

“Over by campus, off river road, between Franklin and Lake Streets. You’ll see a service road dug into the embankment going down to the river bank. At the bottom, there’s a path. Follow it.”

“What’s down there?”

He smiled broadly at me again, “Just about anything you can think of.” He patted me on the back and said, “It’s Friday night. It’ll be busy. Head on down. You’ll have fun.”

I nodded and gave him a weak smile. “Thanks. Maybe I will.”

When he got to the other side of his car he opened the door, but before jumping in he looked over at me again and asked, “You sure you’re not a hustler?” I shook my head. “Damn. We’d have some fun, we would.” He jumped in his car and drove away.

Well, I did drive over the river to that part of town and I found that service road. I’ll tell you all about it in the next chapter.