Dear Samuel

Samuel

   Friday

Dear diary,

The air is still and warm outside, and the room is stuffy, like a greenhouse. It hurts to write, for my fingers tips are full of little cuts from my picking cotton today. As you’d pick the delicate white fluffy balls, some dry sharp tips of the cotton burr pierce and prick your finger tips. Samuel, the son of the owner of the cotton field, says he uses a cotton ball drenched in alcohol and applies it directly to the little cuts. It sure hurts but it really works to relieve the pain and stop the bleeding. No one in the house complains about it, for they say it’s just natural when you’re out working in the fields. I pause and blow my fingers. I can hear the TV from my bed, for my brothers are watching a Western movie. Tomorrow is Saturday and we are picking cotton again. Samuel says we've got to take advantage of the good weather and make extra money during cotton harvesting time. I'm saving everything in the bank. My cousin Joana even bought herself a small portable radio from her earnings. She lives in our little town, and I live on grandpa’s farm. We study in the same class in the morning.

Saturday

Dear diary,

It's time I went to bed. Tomorrow I go to church again, for the evening Mass. I love to sing new hymns, learn new words from the bible, and walk around town in the evening. Mom, dad, Fabrício, and Sérgio went to our cousin’s wedding tonight. She’s the first cousin to get married. Leandro, the groom, is also a farmer and owns a small piece of land. People say their marriage was arranged, like a lot of other Japanese marriages. Cristiano and I decided to stay home. He is in his room listening to music from some cassette tapes he’s recorded. All the money that he earns he buys records and blank cassette tapes. Then, he would record on these tapes his favorite bands and play in his room non-stop. He says all his friends like rock and heavy metal. I prefer classical and church hymns. Well, back to the wedding, it’s not that I don't like such events, but I prefer to stay home and write my thoughts on my diary. I know all my cousins are going to be there, and it’s going to be an exciting event. I confided to Samuel that I would not go, and begged him not to tell my other cousins my intent. He laughed and asked me why not? There’s going to be nice free food, sweets, a cake, nice people in good clothes, cars, dance, etc. He said it was foolish of me not to go. I later confessed to him I hated when my cousins, uncles, and ants asked me if I had a girlfriend. He chuckled and asked if I did. Well, no. And you? He smiled and shook his head. Then I changed the subject and suggested a bet. He said I would change my mind and go. He was wrong.

Earlier today, he helped me lift my cotton sack, which he said was quite heavy. I’m sure he lied to me, just to make me feel better, for I didn't pick much cotton, like the others. Maybe because my fingers hurt so much. I had to hide them so that he wouldn't see the cuts. He drives the large truck that brings the workers and carries the loads of cotton to his dad’s barn. I am glad I live near the cotton fields, so I don't need to ride the large truck. I overheard some people say that Samuel and other guys were going to play soccer tomorrow. They will also roast meat and drink beer there. I don’t like beer. Cristiano is now trying my door and I tell him to get lost. Luckily for me that I’ve locked it, otherwise I would have no privacy!   

Sunday

Dear diary,

Tonight I'm eating some of the last sweets that mom brought from the wedding. She put them in her large purse and brought for us. I bet most of my aunts did the same. She said the wedding was fine. She also said that people were asking about us. Even grandma managed to go.  

By the way, I didn't watch Samuel and his team play soccer nor attend their barbecue, like my brothers did. Instead, I walked to the fields and admired the endless cotton plantation. To my shock, some people were working today! Father Simão told us in the evening Mass that people ought to attend Mass and rest on Sundays, for it’s the day of our Lord. I would never work on a Sunday for fear of committing a sin! Then I went down to the spring, where Samuel usually fills the large pitchers with cool water for the workers. In fact, he carries two very large pitchers, for he is a strong young man. We drink a lot of water in the fields. And when we done with our work at the end of the day, we rush to the spring and drink water and refresh ourselves. At times, Samuel would tell us to walk quietly. Then he would shout and a young man and a girl would come out of the woods in a hurry. I didn’t think it was funny, but he and my brothers would laugh hard and tease them.   

In any case, I sat on a stone by the small river and removed my hat. I looked around and began to write very fast, for someone could come by any moment to get water and find me. As I wrote a line, I noticed that some pieces of grass and thorns were stuck to my pants. I put my small notebook and pen aside and began to remove them. Samuel always laughs when I do that. He says his mother and sisters do that for him. He wears some rough jeans and cotton plaid shirts that he always removes because of the heat. His arms are tanned, but his hairy chest and belly are not. Samuel once told me he wanted to buy himself a large farm. I asked him why if his family already owned so much land. He chuckled and said the land ought to be split among his brother and sisters. He just wished to have his own land. I nodded. I told him I was about to finish high school this year and wanted to go to university, though mom and dad had no money for that. He remained quiet, as if searching for something nice to say. He asked me if I was going to be a writer someday. Why do you ask? I turned to him. He said he heard from others I walk around the fields with my pen and notebook. I felt so embarrassed and said no one would ever want to read what I write, for they’re stupid silly things. He smiled and bit a stem of grass. He said he would like to read whatever I wrote. I told him he would laugh. He threw away the grass stem and looked into my eyes. He said he’s never laugh at me.

Oh, boy! I've already written this much! I'd better stop here. Tomorrow I've got my final tests and school should be over!

Monday

Dear diary,

Today Samuel came to the field with a black eye. People laughed and teased him. They said he fought yesterday because of the soccer game. They said that the other guy, a much bigger one confronted him. They rolled on the grass. Samuel being the smaller man, got the better of the situation though, for he was very strong. I could imagine what the other guy got in return. He wasn’t in his talking mood today and avoided everybody. When I spoke to him, I was dismayed, for I saw a broken front tooth too. His eye and tooth looked bad, but he said he would fix the tooth at the dentist. And the eye, well, it would heal itself. People teased him all the time. I asked him if he was feeling any pain and he said he was only feeling a mild headache. I then poured some water on a plastic cup and offered it to him with a smile. I apologized and said I wasn’t laughing at him. He smiled for the first time and said he wouldn’t think I would. He took the cup with his large and hairy hand and, I could see a tear in his eyes. He said I was his real friend and I blushed. He drank it and said he'd get better because I cared for him. But it was just water, I said. He said it was my kind action that made all the difference. I brushed it off and remained silent. About his eye, truth be said, actually, I think he didn't look that ugly at all with his black eye and broken tooth. Instead, he looked more assertive and masculine. I don't know why I am underlying these words. Maybe that's because they're new and befitting for him.

Friday

Dear diary,

I haven't written for four days! Tomorrow I go to church and later I watch a nice movie on TV. All my friends in school are going to watch it. I really want to see it too. It’s a comedy and it’s called The Bird Cage. And by the way, I passed all my school subjects, even math, which I found hard! Samuel said math was easy for him when he was in school, but he hated Portuguese grammar and Brazilian Literature, which I had top grades in my class. He said if he was still in school, he would tag around me for answers on a test. I said I would ask him for some math lessons, but never cheat on a test. He just nodded and dropped the subject. What relief! Now I’m done with high school!   

Samuel said he was going to a ball tonight. He invited me to go with him. But I said I didn't like those places. He asked me why? I told him I could never stand the noise. Besides, I told him I was scared of people using drugs and drinking alcohol. He laughed and said not everybody does it. I was glad that Samuel didn’t smoke, though he drank beer. People said that Samuel liked to drink beer and ride horses. Some girls that were working near me today were talking about boys. Then, one of them mentioned Samuel's name. My heart began to pound fast. My cheeks burned. I felt curious and strained my ears to hear them. They said he was not the kind of guy to get married to, being too wild, independent, and queer. They said that he liked parties, soccer, and beer. I had to agree with them. He was quite wild. But why queer if he was so popular and assertive? One girl said that he was already 25. It was surely odd, for he never spoke of girls nor did he have a girlfriend. Anyway, I thought it was just natural, for he hanged out with younger boys, who in turn, weren’t mature enough to date. I wonder about my own life. When would I fall in love? Would this person teach me how to kiss, to make love, like in the movies?

Saturday

Dear diary,

My fingers hurt a bit, but not so much today. And guess what, it was payment day today! Samuel asked me what I was going to do with the money. I told him I was going to put it in the bank. All of it? Yes, I told him. He joked and said I was going to make the bank richer, and we laughed.

Well, tonight something very strange happened after church. I could not believe it myself.

In church, I always sit in the front pew, for I like to pay attention to Father Simão’s sermons. When I received my communion wafer, I saw Samuel in the line too. It was very odd, since I didn’t know he went to church, much less alone for I didn’t see his parents nor his siblings there. Had he committed a serious sin against the Lord that he needed to ask for God’s forgiveness? When he saw me, he smiled and blinked an eye. I blushed and smiled too. As I left the church building, we met again. He was in front of his truck. He said he wasn’t really surprised to know I was actually going to walk all the way back to dad’s farm at night, and alone. I love to walk home at night, I told him. He then offered me a ride in his truck. I was quite glad and of course accepted it! I noticed that he had washed his truck and I even picked a scent of perfume in the leather seats.  He was also well dressed then. He didn't even look the same person I met in the cotton fields. He looked more mature and smart  and I could even smell of his cologne. He wore a brown cotton shirt with short sleeves, some black dress pants, light gray nylon socks, and polished black shoes. I even teased him if he was going to attend a wedding. He said he wasn't. The ride home was a brief one. I don't know why, but intimately, I wished it had lasted a bit longer or that he would invite me to sit by the square, in front of church. That’s the spot young couples would sit and have ice-cream. When he dropped me home, my mother invited him to come over for some coffee and cake. I was sure he would refuse, but to my surprise, he ended up accepting. I helped mother to serve and pour coffee. My younger brother even noticed and complained that I gave Samuel a bigger slice of cake. I told him he was a guest and should have this right. He smiled and said the cake was a real treat. Then he took the cup from my hands and thanked me. I smiled and sat down. Mother asked him several questions regarding his mother and siblings. Dad asked if he was dating a girl, and he said he still didn’t find someone that crazy, and turned to me and smiled. I blushed and drank my coffee. Cristiano, my youngest brother said he should date me. I told him to shut up and left the room. Dad made him apologize. Samuel kindly came to my room and told me it was ok. He promised me that if I returned to the kitchen, he would tell us his favorite stories. He wiped my tears and I told him I was fine. And to my surprise, I learned tonight, that he was a very good storyteller. He amused us with his stories of distant lands, adventures, speaking animals, and people in love. When he left the house, my brother Cristiano teased me again, saying my boyfriend was leaving. I just waited for Samuel’s truck to disappear into the night and fought with him. Mother told us to quit it.

Back to my room, I began to feel conscious, for Samuel entered here and saw how poor and cramped my room is. Yet, he was kind and I really liked his gentle touch.

Dear God, can this be, love?

Sunday                 

Dear diary,

How lazy I feel. I am the last one to get up. I check the time, nine-fifty A.M.! I look out and notice the clouds. I am afraid it might rain, but mom says it will not. I’m still thinking of Samuel’s stories from last night. Where did he learn all that? I’m surely going to write them down, else I’ll forget them. I don’t have a sharp memory like he does. I don’t even have his creativity to think up of different lands and talking animals! My writing is quite limited and I feel conscious about it.   

Ah, one more thing. I must keep my diary at a hidden place, for I’m afraid Cristiano is reading it! No wonder he provoked me last night! How dumb I am! I must be more careful with my things. I’m sure the does it because I’m always telling mom he’s got bad grades in school and show her his minus F grades in tests, which he hides under his pile of records. He says I’m too nosy to meddle with his things.

Well, mother is already calling me to the kitchen to help her. She needs my help to prepare some roasted chicken, after all, today is Sunday and we always have special food then.

Some time at night

Dear God! I really need your help and guidance now! My hands are still shaking and I think I cannot, for tears keeping pouring out, stupid me!

For one thing, my brother knows everything about my feelings for Samuel! I told him if he opens his big mouth, he won’t see his records anymore, and I’d scratch them.

But this is not what I wish to write about here. Oh, Lord! Help me to be an honorable and decent  young man. Help me to find happiness in an honorable and decent way, else, I won’t be able to go to church to worship you anymore.  

Well, where do I start?

Like I said, I helped mom in the kitchen in the morning. Oh boy, we had a full day today! And something, well, something happened to me today.

Samuel and his dad came to have lunch with us. I could not believe it when mom told me dad had invited them. No wonder she was making some special dishes and needed my help in the kitchen. Well, apparently, his mother and siblings were away on an unexpected trip. I think his dad mentioned the death of a distant relative. In any case, I was not expecting them for lunch, so I felt tremendously self-conscious about the clothes I wore and the simple and plain table arrangement. When I helped mom prepare the meal, I was feeling quite clumsy. Then their truck arrived. Dad and my brothers went to greet the guests. Mom and I remained in the kitchen, quickly preparing the last minute arrangements. I could hear Samuel’s voice coming from the veranda. Later, I could hear them playing soccer in the grass pasture. When it was about lunchtime, they all rushed to the kitchen. Samuel and his dad came and greeted mom and I. Samuel particularly liked the food very much. Mom said it was rather salty. But Samuel and his dad said it tasted fine. After the lunch, Cristiano helped mom and I with the dishes. He complained the whole time, saying it was a woman’s job to do them. Mom told him he had to help too, since she had no girls in the house. I smiled and remained quiet. Cristiano saw me smiling and became angry and threatened to tell Samuel I loved him. I was about to stab him with a fork when mom stopped us. She said if we continued fighting, no one would be allowed to go outside for the remaining part of the day. Besides, she’d tell dad to give us a nice beating with his raw leather belt. After we finished the work, all the boys decided to take a swim in the pond. Mom told us not to go swimming right away, since we just had eaten lunch. I felt extremely conscious since I did not have any new shorts to put on. And the ones I had, were from my older brothers and had holes or were stretched or even stained. I would die of shame if Samuel noticed me wearing them. As we arrived at the pond, my brothers removed their shirts and jumped into the water, which they said was great. They splashed water and swam along in circular movements. Samuel turned to me and invited me for a swim. I told him I wouldn’t, for I didn’t have a new pair of shorts to wear. Then he said he wouldn’t swim unless I entered the water too. Then I said I only had my underwear on. He smiled and said he did too. Then he began to remove his plaid cotton shirt, while I also removed mine. I was impressed by his muscular and tanned arms. His chest was strong and hairy. I felt so small beside him. My chest was flat and my body was not tanned. I felt less of a man, standing next to him. Then he removed his jeans in a rather unceremonious manner. I turned my head away and didn’t want to see his privates. I did the same. I felt extremely conscious, for we were the only ones swimming in our underwear. The water was really great and we had a lot of fun that day. Samuel played with my brothers in a water fight. I sat on the edge and watched them play. Then they all decided to come out to dry. I looked at the other way to avoid staring at him in his drenched underwear. After a little while, we put our clothes back on and decided to pick some oranges. In no time, my brothers were already climbing the trees. I and Samuel remained on the ground and ate the oranges my brothers threw for us to catch. Samuel used a very nice penknife and peeled an orange for me. When my brothers got down, he lent them his penknife. And before we went to play soccer, Samuel cleaned his penknife on his jeans, turned to me, and handed me his gift. He said it was a gift so I would not forget him and our friendship. The rest of the afternoon we played soccer.

Yes, for the first time in my life I learned to play it for Samuel insisted I play in his team. He taught me to play and we won the game. Of course we won it because he was in our team. I recall vividly the moment we touched hands to celebrate the victory, locking our fingers together. His hands felt warm and quite callused. It sent shivers through my spine when I accidentally bumped into his furry chest. Several times, when I fell, he came and helped me get on my feet. Then he would pat my back and we would start the game again. In the end, as it was getting dark, Samuel’s dad was getting ready to leave. As Cristiano’s team lost, I teased him. He got mad and kicked the ball far away, near the bushes. I rushed to retrieve it and Samuel followed me. As I grabbed the ball, he looked at me and smiled in a different way. He then approached me and I remained serious, holding the ball and breathing hard. He said he knew I had feelings for him. It was clear then that Cristiano told him everything. I lowered my head and my cheeks were burning in shame. At last I was found out by him, whom I cherished so much being with. I felt his large rough hands touch my shoulders. He lifted my chin and I could feel his manly scent and body heat.

Then he kissed me on the mouth!

I stood there, frozen, mute, in a shock. I didn’t understand my own feelings and lack of reaction. Was it supposed to be like that, my first kiss? He looked away and said he was sorry for what he’d done. He apologized and said he was a jerk, a dishonorable man, who was taking advantage of a vulnerable young man, who had many dreams and hopes in life. He promised me he’d never do that again. I nodded and we returned home quietly, without once turning to each other.  

Saturday

Dear diary,

What a strange week we had. I quit going to the fields picking cotton. As luck would have it, on Friday mom and Cristiano headed for São Paulo, to attend a Shinto religious ceremony for some dead relatives. This way, I had to stay home to cook, clean the house, and take care of the animals.

Wednesday

Dear diary,

I felt so happy that mom and Cristiano are finally back! I got a new pair of jeans, two pairs of shorts, a new pair of tennis shoes. Not to mention a load of used clothes from our relatives from the big city, that can fit the whole family. And those clothes are quite nice and can be used to go out to church!

No, I didn’t go to church this weekend. Dad, mom, and my brothers went. I pretended I had to clean the house or do something else. I cried and felt this enormous hollowness inside me.

Sunday

Dear diary,

Mom and dad said I was going to hell if I didn’t attend church. I couldn’t care for what they said.

My brothers had a nice barbecue in the fields as the owner of the land was closing the cotton picking season. Everybody got money in their pockets. Cristiano said Samuel was there, strong and as happy as ever. He even introduced his first girlfriend, Maria Cristina, to the surprise of everyone. She is a known lady in town, quite wealthy and the owner of much land. She must be at least twice his age.

Why was he doing this?

Why marry her?

Saturday (nine months later)

Dear diary,

Everybody was talking about the murder in town. Maria Cristina was found shot in her bedroom and Samuel was naturally the main suspect of the crime.

In church, I prayed for him, without for a second doubting his innocence. And back to my house, we had a cake.

Oh, God, this is the strangest birthday I’ve ever had. My only wish was to have Samuel free and happy again. I didn’t care if he loved a young beautiful girl in the future. I just wanted him free and happy. I’d give him my own blood to see him well. Everybody in the town said that it was a pity that such a young man was throwing his life in the gutter like that. It was such a shame. His family avoided going to town as much as possible. And our families ceased talking.   

Saturday (three months later)

Dear diary,

Tonight in church, I stood on my knees the whole Mass. Cristiano was the only one who knew why I was doing this penance.

The whole town was talking about Samuel’s trial. There was even a news report on TV about it.

It appears that Maria Cristina was an alcoholic and drug addict. Her brothers avoided contact with her and cut her out of their family. It came as no surprise that she was glad to take in her new boyfriend and lover. Needless to say, their marriage was a disaster. The whole town spoke about their fights in public. She was quite jealous of him and suspected he was cheating on her with other younger women.

On the night of the murder, people told my family she was drunk and wanted to hear his confession. He just told her there was nobody between them. In the bedroom, she held a gun and he had to defend himself. The gun fired accidentally. He called an ambulance, but it was too late for her.

Dad, mom, my brothers, and I looked at each other. It was a great relief this trial was over. In the weeks preceding it, Samuel was taken to jail for a few days. The prosecutor of the case feared he would either try to escape to Paraguay or end his life. His lawyer managed to get him out of jail while awaiting for the trail. Then he just isolated himself at his large farm house. No one, not even his family could make him come out or even see him. Joaquina, his housekeeper was fired. She was the only source of information about what was going on in his household. She also commented that the house was filthy and Samuel didn’t shower. Only a male housekeeper could put up with his bad mood.

But now he’s proven innocent! And this nightmare is finally over!   

Cristiano called me to his room. I was sure he was going to dump some more unpleasant news for me. Instead, he said he was sorry for what he’d done. He said Samuel nor I deserved to be unhappy. He pleaded me to go and try to reach him out. He said I was the only one who could do it. He even admitted having spoken to our family about Samuel and I. I didn’t feel angry at him, but just nodded. I suppose everybody had always suspected Samuel loved me, and I, nurtured feelings for him. He asked me if I loved Samuel. I smiled and said I did. Then he looked into my eyes and told me to save him.

Back to the kitchen, I began to bake a cake. Everybody turned to me. I asked dad to go to town and buy us two buckets of ice-cream, the expensive kind, for I was paying for them. I handed him the money. I took my time to bake the most delicious cake I could ever bake. Cristiano and dad arrived from the town with the ice-cream. Poor brother, he ate so much ice-cream and cake he felt sick.  

I separated a nice thick slice in a plastic ware, for I hoped to pay an old friend a visit on his large farm the next day.

Sunday

Dear diary,

It happened today.

After doing the dishes for our Sunday lunch, I told my family I was visiting Samuel on his farm. They were a little surprised, but were already expecting I did something about this situation. Cristiano said he’d like to come along, but mom and dad said I needed to do this alone. I thanked them and in tears, opened up my heart to them.

Why so much secrecy? Weren’t my family my loving support base in my life?

I told them I was gay and made peace with myself. Then I told them about my first kiss, and why I distanced myself from Samuel, for I felt confused. And by shunning him from my life, I ended up pushing him into this abysm. They told me to stop blaming myself for his own mistakes that he’d made. I nodded and thanked them for their support.

I walked along the dad’s woods and admired his lush green plantation. At the far distance, I saw the old town and even the rodeo area, where children were playing soccer. I smiled and thought of Samuel and my brothers playing and being happy together in a not so distant past. I stepped on the dusty road and left dad’s farm.

Mrs. Maria Cristina’s house was on one of her largest farms, which was next to ours.

I admired the horses, cows, and endless field. At the distance, I saw their large house. I was sure Samuel was home, for he was so secluded and isolated from everybody.

The dog began to bark as I approached the large wooden gate. I saw his truck in the garage, next to another new black luxury passenger truck.

I approached the front door and rang the bell.

Go away! He shouted. When I told him it was me, there was no answer, but door being unlocked and opened slowly.  

Oh, God! He looked aged and pale in his underwear. Though he was still strong and tall, he was sunken into a quiet stupor. I approached him and stroked his dear face. His tears began to fall.

Why visit a dead man, Carl? He asked. 

You’re not a dead man to me, dear. I smiled and looked into his eyes. He looked shy at first. But then I notice a spark in his eyes. I felt his large hands on my shoulders. We hugged and he said he still loved me. We looked in each other’s eyes again and kissed, just like the first time. After our kiss, our faces pressed and hee breathed hard and sobbed.

You’re here! You’re real! You’re so handsome, my Carl! My young lovely Carl! You’ve come to me at last! He said and we kissed again. Then he closed the door. But why did you run away from me, Carl? He asked.

Samuel, dear, back then, I was too afraid of that new feeling in me. You were the first man to kiss me. I was an innocent young man then. How else could I have behaved for I had no one to talk to about my feelings, only my diary. Samuel, now I fully understand why it hurt so much being away from you. I felt a pit in my stomach when I heard you were dating a woman. I spent terrible nights hoping you’d be proven innocent. Samuel, I can’t live without you! I love you, my dear! I said.

We moved to the immense living room. I saw many empty beer bottles scattered around. The entire house was dark and stuffy.

You heard what happened in this house, didn’t you? He asked. I nodded. You know I’m a cursed man, don’t you?

I told him I prayed for him, for his freedom, for I believed he was innocent. He smiled and kissed me again, thanking me for having faith in him. I told him to let bygones be bygones. I asked him to forgive me too for my childish behavior. He smiled and wiped my own tears.

Of course I forgive you, Carl! If it means anything to you, he said. I kissed him and felt his hair, his neck, his warm body.

Samuel, my love, you have nothing to fear from now on, for I’m speaking to my family and moving in here with you as soon as I get their approval. Tonight if necessary! I won’t let you stay here alone anymore! We kissed.

In this case, we’ve got to talk to your folks right away! I can drive you there, he said. I miss your folks so much! We’ve also got to talk to my old folks too. For they’ve been through hell because of me!

You can well imagine the surprised look of my parents and brothers when they saw Samuel and I holding hands together. He sat with my parents and answered to all their questions related to that fatal incident, his feelings for me, and our future plans together. Only then, after our warm and happy dinner together, dad and mom said I could go with Samuel to live a happy life together. He helped me with my suitcase and two boxes of my stuff, for I didn’t own much. Next, he drove to his folks. His mother and sisters only cried the whole time. His dad and brothers never ceased to hug and tease him. I kissed my new parents, and hugged my new brothers and sisters. His dad opened a bottle of champagne and said that it was the happiest night of their lives!

Now I finish these lines while Samuel is preparing our bedroom. I turn to these walls, this immense house, and think of his suffering here. I lament the fact that Mrs. Maria Cristina had to lose her life in such an unfortunate way. Surely tomorrow I’ll ask Samuel to take me to the cemetery, for I hope to light some candles for her and pray for her soul’s rest. Then go to church and ask Father Simão to pray for her soul. 

Tonight is going to be my first night with a man. A man whom I’ve always loved and admired.              

Now I hear Samuel coming to me. I’d better close and write some more tomorrow.

Thank God for our happiness and this new life for us!