David Was My High School Crush

High school was a horrible time for me as it is with many people. My big achievement was being first chair oboe, but there were only three of us, and the other two were mediocre at best. During the marching season, I played alto sax. Marching with a double reed is expensive, and once the reed was obliterated, no more sound. So things worked out.

My big crush was a baseball player named David Hooze. He was six feet of muscle. His blond hair and blue eyes made him everyone’s crush. The guys wanted to be him; the girls wanted to bed him and have his babies. Even the lesbians wanted a chance to have his babies. The gay guys offered discretion with a side of oral sex, but he was steadfast. I heard him tell his buddies once that he wasn’t going to be sidelined by some chick that wanted to increase her chance of having blue-eyed offspring.

I just kept my distance and memorized the way he looked every chance I got. I joined the yearbook group as a photographer and volunteered to attend the baseball games. “We don’t send photographers to baseball games,” I was told. So I hung out after practice and took lots of shots of David. Of course, I downloaded them to my computer, and only gave the yearbook a few of the best of all the members of the team.

High school ended without my ever having talked to him. Four years of college, a degree in international business, and a job with a growing French firm with an office near the airport in Houston gave me a sense of success. My love life was still pretty empty, but I was always open to what was ahead for me. My second year with the company was coming to a close when my boss came up to me and said, “Monsieur Spenser, il vous faut prendre les vacances. [Mr. Spenser, you need to take your vacation.]”

“I know. I know.” I told him. “Things always seemed to come up to prevent me from going.”

“Non. This is not a good answer. You take your vacation on Monday for three weeks. D’accord?”

“D’accord,” I agreed.

So, on Monday, I sat in my car with a packed suitcase in the trunk. With no real destination in mind, I drove back to my hometown. I’m not sure why I picked that destination. I hadn’t been back since I came out to my parents during my freshman year of college. I was forever banned from coming back. They mailed my important papers to me and never contacted me again. They had let me know what a grand disappointment I was to them, and that was all I needed to hear.

Once I got to the other side of Houston, it was about another three hours by car to the little town of Taft. As I drove, the monotony of the surroundings forced me to put on some music and sing along. I think the coastal plains of Texas are a great place to grow up, and each little town can offer something unique. Sadly, most teens find themselves bored, and many just move away looking for something they don’t think they have. I think I missed familiarity. I liked seeing people that I recognized even though I didn’t personally know them. I liked less traffic, the slower pace, and the fresher air. It’s too bad that the jobs just didn’t exist.

There was something I loved about the older houses in Victoria. I remembered a field trip here; although, I had forgotten why we came. It was the houses that fascinated me. I remember thinking about being an architect until I realized that people were just not building houses like that. I drove through Victoria without stopping.

Goliad was next. In fourth grade, I learned about the massacre at Goliad, and I think that’s when I began to realize how horribly humans can treat one another. I could not imagine taking a group of soldiers who had surrendered and murdering them. As I grew older, I learned of more atrocities people had committed against their fellow man. But that realization began with this little town. I remember my fourth grade teacher Mr. Thompson telling us about it. His great-great-something-grandfather was one of the soldiers in Fannin’s unit. He got teary as he talked about it. I pushed back the tears that were trying to form. I would not be stopping at the historical marker today. I turned onto highway 183 and headed toward Refugio.

As I watched the fairly flat land go by, I remembered how kids in school argued that we weren’t on a plain because there were hills. I’d seen the hills of the Hill Country, the mountains in the Big Bend, and the Rockies in Colorado. The land here was basically flat. I was surprised we didn’t have a county named ‘Tedium’. The drive until I got outside of Taft was uneventful.

As I neared the town, I saw a sign for the Blackland Museum and another for ‘The Restaurant’. Another sign for ‘The Restaurant’ indicated that it was under new management. Included on the sign were the words ‘Better than it has to be.” Did they steal those words from another ad? The words seemed familiar to me.

The first thing I did upon arriving in town was to drive past my old house. My father was out in the yard. I wanted to stop and talk to him. I missed them both, but their angry words still cut me. Would they be sorry? Would they be glad to see me? I didn’t stop. Later that year, I sent a Christmas card. It was returned unopened with the word ‘Refused’ written across it. I was glad I hadn’t stopped.

I drove by many familiar places, but eventually, my hunger took control. To satisfy it and my curiosity, I stopped at ‘The Restaurant.’ Such a simplistic name. I had always wondered if the original name was replaced because people referred to it as the restaurant or whether it had always been called that. Both stories had a romantic edge to them. I guessed it didn’t really matter.

I stepped inside. The dim light and coolness were just what I needed. I’d been driving with the windows open, and the breeze from the ceiling fan gave me a slight chill. I sat at the bar and asked for a gin fizz. I glanced around the place. There was one family just finishing lunch. I had missed the lunch crowd, and I was thankful. A noisy restaurant was not on my to-do list.. A hand on my back surprised me.

“I know that I know you.”

I turned to face David Hoose. He was as handsome as ever and still very fit. We were still in our mid-twenties, but I had seen people who aged a lot after high school. He smiled at me, and every feeling I ever had for him came back. I teared up. Seeing him was unexpected. How could he affect me this way after all these years?

“Hello, David,” I replied without missing a beat.

“Jacob Moore. It is you, isn’t it.”

“Right here,” I said.

“I can’t believe it. I can’t tell you how many nights…” his voice stopped. I saw the bartender looking at him. He glanced that way and then seemed uncomfortable.

“Why don’t we go to that table.ere,” he moved his head in the direction of a corner table.

“I was about to order lunch.”

“Hey, it’s on me.” Turning to the bartender, he said, “Frank, tell Darlene to fix him the best steak we have with a nice baked potato on the side.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“I want to. Come on. Let’s sit down.”

We went to the table. I noticed what seemed to be a slight limp or strangeness to his gait, but I didn’t say anything. We reached the table, and the two of us sat. David kept looking at me. Did I see a mix of regret, desire, and happiness? Or was that what I wanted to see? I was confusing myself. We weren’t in high school.

“It’s so good to see you. I rarely see anyone from our class. They’ve all moved away.”

“I don’t really keep up with anyone either,” I admitted. “Although, I did follow what you were doing for a while; the one guy from our class who got famous. Once you got into the Majors, I didn’t keep up with it anymore. You seemed so out of reach. You went east and were getting married and all that.” I looked down at the table. Could he tell that I was still crushing on him. I couldn’t believe how good he looked and how nice he smelled. I could fall into those eyes. Dammit, I wanted to hit myself for still feeling this way. I should have said something to him in high school. Then he could have hit me and it would have all been over with.

“If you’d kept following, you would have seen how things didn’t work out for me.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Hey, I do my best to remain positive,” he chuckled, “but sometimes I do feel bitter, but I shouldn’t. Things could have gone lots worse.”

He put his hands on the table as if he were about to get up.

I reached out and touched his hand, “Tell me what happened. I want to know.”

“I will.” He got up. “Your lunch is almost ready. I’m off this afternoon. You want to take a walk with me after you eat.?”

“Sure,” I nodded.

He turned to go. “Here’s your food, right on time. I got some things to finish up.”

‘So do I,’ I thought.

Frank placed a delicious looking and smelling steak in front of me. I’d never eaten one that tasty and tender. The potato was buttery and cheesy and perfect as well. Once I was done, he came back to clear the dishes, or so I thought. Frank sat down across from me. “I saw the way he looked at you and the way he talked to you. You’re going to take him away from me, aren’t you?”

That statement stunned me. “I am not sure I understand,” I responded back quietly. I actually thought that I might understand it, considering the look that Frank had given David earlier. “Explain things to me.”

“Well, aren’t you the cool one. I supposed butter doesn’t melt in your mouth, does it? I noticed the way you looked at him. I bet if he had unzipped his pants you would have gone down on him right there.”

“You’re a little crass, aren’t you?” I stared at him. I was going to leave him a tip, but I thought his behavior was out of line. I stood up. “I haven’t seen David in years, and I stopped here for lunch. I’m sure he hasn’t thought of me in years. Things will play out as they are supposed to. They always do. I have no ulterior motives.”

“Bullshit.”

“Frank, you seem awfully insecure. Maybe the problem isn’t me.” I walked out of the restaurant. I paced back and forth in front of it. Why should I give a shit about Frank? It didn’t matter what was going on between them, if anything. There was certainly nothing going on between David and me. That was a lie, at least a partial one. I took a breath. OK, I was still attracted to him, but that meant nothing. And these looks that Frank was talking about, they were the result of an insecure mind, so they meant nothing. Maybe I should just get in my car and go back home. Was coming here a mistake?

David walked out onto the sidewalk and came over to where I was standing. “Are you OK?”

I nodded, “Yeah. I’m fine.” I wasn’t going to mention Frank or what he’d said.

“Frank went off on me. He told me that he talked to you.”

“He said some things,” I replied.

“I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t be.”

“Let’s sit down on this bench.” David pointed to the seating in front of one of the abandoned stores.

I sat down and looked at him.

“Are there things you wish you’d done differently?” he finally asked.

I looked at him. “A few.”

“The one I regret the most is not talking to you, you know?”

“Hey,” I looked him back in the eye. “It was high school. It’s not as though you ignored me. We just weren’t in the same circles, except when I was part of the yearbook staff. Those things are part of what brought us to this point in our lives. Who’s to say it wasn’t all for the best.”

“But I spent so much time wanting to get to know you instead of getting to know you, and during my senior year, our senior year, at night, I would think about what you were doing. I wanted you to like me, maybe more than like me, but I was afraid to say it. I got a letter in my locker once. It said to listen to the Bert Bacharach song ‘This Guy’s in Love with You.’ It was signed secret love, and it said ‘I want you to sing this song to me so I can sing it to you.’ The guys made fun of it. For months they teased me and said it was probably from ugly girl who dreamed each night of getting laid by an athlete. I used to listen to it in my bedroom and pretend I was singing it to you.”

“Oh, fuck,” I dropped my head into my hands.

“I’m not telling you this to upset you, Jacob. I just want you to know where I’m coming from.”

I looked at him again. “I put that letter in your locker. I was waiting for your reaction before telling you that I thought you were hot and sexy. But when the other guys started making fun of it, I couldn’t say anything. They weren’t supposed to see it.”

“Steve Keller grabbed it out of my hand.”

“I was going to sing that song in the talent show. It would have let you know that I was the one who sent the note. I didn’t know Steve Keller ruined it.

“You know what they say about Karma,” David said rather flatly.

“What?”

“Well, you know that Steve was the biggest homophobe on the team. He was always calling guys faggot. If anyone started to get an erection in the locker room, he’d point it out and call him gay.”

“Didn’t know that.”

“Well, last year, his wife caught him in bed with another guy. She tried to kill him with a shotgun. She killed the other guy. Steve said he hadn’t told the guy he was married. Steve ended up with an infection and lost his arm. And his wife ended up killing herself before she went on trial for manslaughter. His family tried to keep it out of the papers, but you know this town. We all knew about it the next day.”

“That’s horrible. Such a waste. Steve was a jerk, but his parents made him that way.” I took a deep breath.

“Jacob,” he paused. He looked at me, and I had a feeling that he wanted me or at least that he wanted to kiss me. But then he looked away. He reminisced some more. “And when I saw you talking and laughing with your friends, it would make me smile. I wanted to be the one you were talking to. You were so cute. And you were sexy. Just thinking about you would make me hard. You’re doing it right now.

“I wished I’d had the balls to tell you back then, and I wish I had known that you had sent that letter.”

I put my hand on his leg. “That would have changed things, and we wouldn’t be here now, like this. Don’t regret. It wastes the time we have to spend on now. Before I say or do anything that I think I want to, what’s the deal with Frank?”

“Frank says he’s in love with me, and I’ve given it plenty of time to see whether I feel the same, but I don’t. I think he knows it, because he said he wanted me to talk to him and look at him the way I did with you. But I don’t feel about him the way I feel about you. You’ve ignited feelings I thought were gone. No that’s not true. I didn’t think they were gone. I buried them, and I’ve ignored them.”

“David, what happened when you went east for baseball?”

“I used to fantasize that you would come rescue me from that. I was dating this model who thought I’d be famous. When I fell from the jetway…”

“What?”

“Yeah, the jetway wasn’t locked, and it moved as I stepped onto the plane. I fell to the pavement and shattered my leg.”

“Oh, David,” I cried, “your dreams…”

“Yeah, they were crushed, and I almost hired someone to find you. Your parents said you’d left and they didn’t know where you were.”

“Liars. They told me to leave and never come back when I told them I was gay.”

“What? Wait? You’re gay?”

I rolled my eyes. “Yes, David, I’m gay.” I smiled. I remember how in class he could lighten up a serious discussion. “I’ve done everything except tell you how I used to put hand lotion on my hands, wrap them around my dick, and pretend I was fucking your ass. Now, what do you think.?

“I was kidding,” David was smiling. “We can’t let this shit get us down. We’re here, talking, maybe there’s a future for us. And by the way, I used to stick my finger in my ass and pretend you were fucking me.”

I grabbed his hand. “I know you got nice strong man hands, but I hope you know that my dick is larger than that.”

“Well, umm, I saw you once in the shower at school, and I know that you’re not.”

“That was probably middle school, asshole. I’ve done some growing since then.”

That’s when David leaned over and kissed me. I had wanted that kiss for twelve years, and he made it worth waiting for. The softness of his lips, the taste of his mouth, the roughness of his tongue, and the way he used them made my toes curl and my dick spew some precum. I kissed him back with all that I had held inside for him.

He whispered into my ear, “I wish you could make love to me right now, right here.”

“I could, but they’d probably put us in different jail cells.”

“Jacob, tell me that our time is now and that we haven’t lost our possibility.”

“Our time is now, David.”

David pulled out his cell phone. I saw him text; he turned to me. I just cleared the rest of my day. “Will you come with me?”

“Of course,” I said.

We stood. David held my head with both hands and kissed me. He held my hand and led me to the back of the restaurant. We went inside and up some stairs. We entered a room with a sofa and a TV. “This is where I live. You’re the only man I’ve ever brought here.”

“Hold me, David.”

He pulled me close to him. I saw him swallow hard. His hand trembled as he moved it over my chest.

“I’ve wanted to feel you touch me like that for so long.” I began to unbutton my shirt. “Don’t be afraid to touch me. I’m yours, David. I think I always have been.”

“And I belong to you, Jacob. You don’t need to ask me for permission. I want whatever you will give to me.” I saw moisture in his eyes. He was honestly giving himself to me as I was giving myself to him.

“Will you come with me, Jacob?”

I nodded.

He led me into the next room. A simple full-sized bed with a small table was all that filled it. David removed my shirt. “You’re beautiful, you know.”

I smiled and removed his shirt. He was still as muscular and toned as I remember him from gym class. I ran my hands over his chest and arms. I felt my eyes tear up. You haven’t changed.” I reached forward and unbuckled his pants. “Sit down so I can help you off with your boots.”

With his boots off, I pulled down his pants. His left leg showed the scars of multiple surgeries. I looked up at him. “I wish I’d been there to help you through that, but believe me, I intend to be there for every challenge you may face from here on out.

David grabbed me and pulled me next to the bed. He opened my pants and pulled down my underwear enough to release my hardening manhood.

He looked up at me. “You’re right; it’s grown.” And then he put his mouth on it. I had imagined that moment hundreds of times, but I could never have believed it would feel as good as it did. He chewed gently at my foreskin and ran his tongue under it before sliding his lips up and down my shaft. His fingers tickled my balls. He released my dick and sucked one of my balls into his mouth. The pressure made me light-headed.

David sat back up. He slid his underwear down and off. He looked deeply into my eyes. His eyes begged me to make love to him, to join our bodies together, to demonstrate the love we had for each other, the love that had started and grown in silence, and had been strong enough to pull us together years later. I nodded, and he positioned himself on his back.

My hand collected the saliva that I used to lubricate the opening to his wonderfully sexy body. David spread his legs and pulled his cheeks apart for me. I applied more saliva to my erection. I positioned myself closer to him and pushed the head of my penis into the man I knew I loved. He sucked in a deep breath as I entered him. I pushed in and out until my cock was completely inside him. I looked down on him. “David.”

He released his ass cheeks and placed them on my chest. I put my hands on his chest. “I love you.”

“We’re together,” he told me. “We’re finally together.”

“I know. Physically and emotionally,” I said.

“Fill me with your seed, Jacob. Fill me and leave part of you inside me.”

I began to move slowly in and out of him. David repeated my name. The warmth of his body wrapped tightly around my shaft made me know love for the first time. As I grew close to spewing my load deep into him, I hoped he would not come. As he needed me to be inside him, I needed him inside me.

I began to pump him faster. “Tighten your grip on my dick, David. I need you to hold onto me.” His ass tightened around my shaft, and I came. I pushed forward again, and I left a second load inside him.

I was emotional as I told him, “Now me, I need you inside me.”

With his strong arms, he flipped me onto my back. “That’s really gay, you know.” He smiled, spit into his hand, and lubed my ass. He covered his dick with his saliva and pushed it into me.

He filled me. It was the answer to all my dreams. “Fuck me, David.” His pounding was ferocious.

“I’m going to fuck you so hard, you’re never going to forget this night.”

“Do it. Do me,” I growled back.

His hands grabbed my shoulders and he pushed so hard that I was sure I would split in two. “Fuck,” he shouted as he came inside me.

“Yeah, fill me.”

He spurted two more loads into my loins before collapsing on top of me. I put my hand on his cheek. “I hope you got me pregnant.”

“That is so gay,” David responded. “But if anyone could do it, it’d be me.”

We both started to laugh.