Am I...?

I find a parking spot next to a parking meter not too far from the Taco Bell. I step out of my car and walk around to the mater and put in a few quarters. In the distance, I see a black motorcycle turn around the corner and drive down the street. Leo pulls into the spot behind my car and kicks the kickstand.

He pulls off his helmet and takes off his jacket and steps to the meter. He quickly puts in a few quarters and walks over to me. "Hey Josh," he says.

"Hey," I say. "You hungry?"

"Starving."

"Come on. Taco Bell's just down here."

Leo and I walk down the street, me occasionally sneaking a glance at Leo's profile. You can see his chiseled jawline and dark blue eyes even from the side. I didn't notice it earlier, but Leo has a few holes in his left ear, meaning he wears earrings. But when I look at him one more time, something grabs my attention.

Something smells...good. I can smell it coming from Leo. Is that...cologne? I've worn cologne a few times before and have always thought it smelled fine. Did it always smell this good? I take in a deep whiff and suddenly feel my dick getting harder. I'm getting a hard on just from smelling Leo? Go down, boy...

I go flaccid after a minute and look back to Leo. I'm met by dark blue eyes looking back at me. "Do I have something on my face?" he asks. "You've been looking at me for a little while now..."

Shit! Busted! "N-No, you're good. I was just looking at...your ear. Do you wear earrings?"

Saved..."Oh yeah," he replies. "I have three holes in my left ear and two in my right. I'd be wearing my earrings right now if I didn't wake up late today and wasn't in a rush."

"Cool," I say. That was a close one. Leo almost found out I was staring at him. Wait...why was I even sneaking glances at Leo in the first place? And why was I turned on by his cologne? I don't have time to answer as we walk up to Taco Bell. "Oh, we're here."

I open the door and we walk inside. There're already a fair number of people in here from school. I see Shawn and Mark standing near the back of the line. "Guys!" I call. I lead Leo across the restaurant and up to them. "Mark, Shawn, this is Leo. Leo, these are Mark and Shawn. Mark's the blonde one and Shawn's the brown haired one."

"Hey," says Leo. "I'm Leo."

He extends his hand to Mark and Shawn and they both shake it. "What can you tell from just looking at them and a handshake?" I ask.

Leo takes a quick glance up and down both of them. "Mark is probably from a rich family, based on his designer clothes. His dad probably got his money from the stock market before it tanked. He seems to have at least three siblings, all of them older, and plays football with you. He's also a good friend that's willing to help someone in need."

"Shawn is from un upper middle-class family with a single dad. His mom probably passed away when he was young. He's also a football player and is very intelligent, probably having an IQ in the 150's. He's also a party guy that loves having a good time, but knows right from wrong and when things get too out of hand and is there to support an upset friend. How did I do?"

Mark and Shawn stare wide-eyed at Leo. "How...in the fucking hell...did you get that?" asks Mark.

Leo casually shrugs. "It's a gift."

Mark and Shawn laugh a bit before we all walk in line. We get our food ordered and get it a few minutes later. We all walk over to an open table, take a seat, and start to dig in. "By the way Leo," says Mark, a mouth full of taco. "Is that motorcycle we saw this morning really yours?"

"Yeah," says Leo. "I worked in an auto repair shop before I moved here from Maryland. The bike was a simple repair a guy in his twenties brought in to get fixed up. We got it fixed, but he said I could keep it, saying he got a new bike. I didn't object and I've improved the bike a bit."

"Wow," says Shawn. "Any chance I'd be able to try it out?"

"I can also tell from looking at you that you've gotten your driver's license revoked for numerous counts of reckless driving and speeding. So no fucking chance."

Mark and I burst out laughing while Shawn silently curses to himself. We spend the rest of lunch with the conversation never dying down. We get back to school about ten minutes before our next class starts. I pull into a spot and Leo turns his bike into the spot next to mine. I step out just as he's taking off his helmet. "Thanks for introducing me to Mark and Shawn," says Leo. "They seem like really cool people."

"They are. We've all been friends since elementary school. They can be a bit annoying at times, but they're still awesome guys." I look at my watch and see the time. "Class starts in a few minutes. I hope I'll see you later, Leo."

"Same here, Josh. Want to exchange numbers so we can call and text?"

The thought of getting Leo's number causes my heart to start beating faster. "S-Sure."

I quickly give Leo my number and he gives me his. We head back into the school and go our separate ways. As soon as Leo's out of sight, I pull my phone out of my pocket and go to my contacts. I stare at Leo's name the entire way to class.

By the end of the day, my mind is in a frenzy, going through question after question. Why am I suddenly feeling this way? How come I've never acted like this with a girl? Why is it whenever I see Leo, I can't think straight? Time for some research...

I head over to the public library and quickly find the section I'm looking for. After browsing for a minute, I pull a book off the shelf. 'Boys: Is Something Wrong With Me?' is in big letters across the front cover. I walk over to a chair and take a seat and open the book.

I'm going through page after page, trying to find something that sounds remotely like what I'm feeling. Finally, in the middle of the book, is a chapter labeled 'Feelings About the Same Sex.' I read the opening paragraph.

'As a boy goes through puberty, they start to experience powerful feelings about other people. While most of the time boys direct these feelings toward girls, sometimes they can be directed toward other boys. This is perfectly normal and many boys experience it. But while the feeling disappears in some boys, it doesn't in others.'

What do you mean 'it doesn't?'

'These boys soon realize that they are sexually attracted to the same sex rather than the opposite sex. Please note: if you are a boy and are starting to realize you are attracted to other boys, don't panic. It's perfectly fine if you find men more attractive than women. But due to today's society, many of these men fear to be labeled as a 'homosexual.''

I snap the book shut, closing it with a loud smack. I quickly put the book back on the shelf, my brain trying to process what it's just experienced. No...no I can't be. Like this book said. It's perfectly normal and it should go away eventually. But how long is eventually? But could it be possible? Am I...gay?

***

After a little more thinking, I get home and find both Mom and Dad's cars in the driveway. After I gather all my things, I hop up the front steps and walk into the house. "I'm home!" I call out.

"We're in the kitchen, sweetie!" Mom calls back.

I find them both sitting at the kitchen counter with a laptop in front of them. On the screen is Ryan, my older brother. Ryan looks a bit like me, sharing the same hair color and nose, but his hair's a little longer and he's a little more built than I am from wrestling. "'Sup bro?" he asks me.

"Hey Ryan," I reply. I set my bag down and pull a chair up to the counter. "First day back, first day with Creswell."

"Oooh shit. That sucks. Is he as much of an asshole as I said he was?"

"Not even. He may be pretty serious, but he's not an asshole. He actually seems pretty cool."

"Hey Mom and Dad?" Ryan asks our parents. "I need to talk some sense into my little brother. Can you give us a few minutes alone?"

"Sure," says Dad. "We'll be in the other room if you need anything."

He and Mom walk into the living room, leaving just me and my computer older brother. "Talk some sense into me, huh?" I say.

"No, that was just an excuse to get them to leave. I have something else to tell you."

"What's up?" I ask, a bit concerned.

Ryan turns to his right. "Hey Nate! Come here for a second!"

I hear a bed shuffle and there's suddenly another guy on the screen: Ryan's roommate Nate. Ryan and Nate met in their freshman year at Berkeley and have been the best of friends ever since. Now seniors, they're still rooming together in an off campus apartment. "Josh, you still remember Nate, right?"

Nate's a pretty good looking guy and has a body built from nine years of competitive swimming. He has a head covered in buzzed blonde hair, bright green eyes, and a good tan. "Yeah, I do," I say. "Hey Nate. How's the training going?"

"Hey Josh," Nate says. "It's going great. I'm three hundredths of a second from breaking the school record for the 100 meter butterfly."

"Nice. Keep working hard. So Ryan. What did you want to tell me that was so important that Mom and Dad couldn't hear?"

Ryan glances toward Nate, who nods a little. "Josh, I'm only telling you this because you're my little brother and I love you more than anything. Promise me you won't tell anyone what you're about to see and hear."

What's this all about?

"Sure, I promise."

Ryan's hands suddenly reach for Nate's face and he presses Nate's lips to his own. I feel my jaw hit the floor and my eyes pop out of my head. Ryan's freaking kissing Nate! Oh gross! I just saw Ryan slip his tongue a little in there! The two finally separate, both of them a little out of breath, and look back to me. "Josh," says Ryan. "Meet Nate, my boyfriend."

If that isn't the biggest bomb to be dropped, I don't know what is. "U-Uh..." is all can manage to get out.

"I know," says Ryan. "It's a lot for a guy to hear from his older brother. But I couldn't keep me being gay a secret anymore. I had to tell someone, but I wasn't ready to tell Mom and Dad yet. So...congrats little bro. You're the second person I've come out to."

"Wait...who's the first?" I ask.

Ryan slugs his arm around Nate's shoulder and kisses the side of his face. "This guy right here. I told him I was gay in the middle of sophomore year and he came out to me less than a minute later, telling me he liked me. I told him I liked him back, and we've been together ever since."

"How long have you known?"

"Since my senior year of high school. I started to see guys as being a lot hotter than girls and realized I was gay. Well...what do you think of all this?"

"I'm still in a bit of shock at the moment, but it's your life. I can't tell you how to live it. But tell me two things: one, what's it like? Being gay and all?"

Ryan and Nate smirk to each other. "Josh, being gay is the same thing as being straight. Nate and I just happen to like guys instead of girls. There's nothing wrong with it. And if someone thinks otherwise, they can fuck off."

Good answer...

"Okay second question: are you happy?"

Ryan and Nate both smile brightly. "I'm the happiest I've been in years. Nate, he...he completes me. I never knew what that meant until I started dating him and I love him more than the entire world."

Nate pulls Ryan into another kiss and I can see Nate's eyes are a little wet. They pull apart and look back at me. "Josh," says Nate. "I love your older brother with all my heart. I would never do anything to hurt him and want to do everything I can to return the love he has for me."

Even through a computer screen, I can see how much these two love each other. Just seeing their smiling faces causes my mouth to turn upward. "Well, I'm really happy for you both. So...Ryan. How're you going to tell Mom and Dad?"

"When I think of something, I'll let you know. But when I do it, it'll be in person. I just hope they're as accepting as you were, Josh."

"Ryan, they raised us to love everyone, no matter who they were, what they looked like, or where they came from. If they don't accept you for being gay, I'm leaving this house."

Ryan and Nate smile softly at me. "Thanks for that, little bro. Listen, Nate and I need to go. We have a date tonight. Tell Mom and Dad I'll call them later in the week. I'll text you later, Josh. I love you."

"I love you too, Ryan. Later Nate. Treat my brother like a lady when you go out."

Both Nate and Ryan crack up and give me a wave before signing off. I lean back in my seat and stare up at the ceiling. Footsteps walk over the hardwood floor and I look back to find Mom and Dad walking back into the kitchen. "What did you and Ryan talk about?" Mom asks.

I smile to myself. "Oh, we were just catching up a little bit. He and Nate are doing...really well."