All cops need is love

Osvaldo Cruz Square is always busy. And Sunday afternoons are impossible to walk here. I am now between the busy iconic Paulista Avenue and the discreet street where Pátio Paulista Mall is. As I enter the modern façade, some gorgeous slim girls greet me at the entrance. The same impeccable dress, fair skin, hair, and plastic smile. And I still smile back to them sheepishly. Stupid system of retailing! If they knew my true intention in coming here, they’d turn their backs to me. Well, if I’m lucky, Noel should be there already waiting. I just need to rush to the toilet, for I don’t like making others wait. Of course Noel is not his real name. Cops never give away their real names to strangers in a public toilet.

This time I take the escalator and tap my finger on the rubber railing, which feels warm and soft. I look at the endless lines of stores but do not pay attention to them. All I can see is my big hairy man in front of me, all for me, to grab, kiss, and suck. The real big cop Noel!

As I reach the second floor, I feel confused. What now? This place is not the same. Geez, I think I should have taken the elevator instead. I look around and find the elevator at the distance.

“Excuse me, sir. Is there a toilet around here?” I ask an older man. He is struggling with his cane and holding a small dog, with the pink leash dangling. Both stare at me.

“Yes, young man. There’s one on this floor, see that sign over there?” The three of us look at the sign.

“Oh, thanks, sir.” The sign is tiny and the hall is narrow and hard to spot. No wonder Noel has picked this spot.

In the toilet I see nobody. Except for some people in the cubicles already fucking. I find one empty and enter. I hear some people moaning gently beside my cubicle. I feel hot and wish Noel were here. I check my watch. It’s almost time.

Geez! I yawn and realize I’ve been here for over 45 minutes! I wish cops off duty would be more punctual! I check my watch again, just to make sure I’ve been such an idiot to wait for that long in a public John. I leave the cubicle and slam the door. The people who have been fucking stop. Then they all start again. As I dry my hands, Noel appears. He smiles and points to the cubicle.

Oh boy, even without his officer’s suit, he is imposing, masculine, and sexy. He is wearing a yellow Polo shirt, and I can’t help noticing his strong chest and protruding tits. His arms are hairy and strong. I can never tire of watching his belly and strong back. His small navy blue cotton shorts are hot as hell, pressing hard his round solid large butts. And look at those hairy muscular tanned thighs! He’s wearing those open leather shoes without socks.

He opens the door and I enter first. He comes after me, closes the door, and locks it. He leans his back against it, as if to hold it against the world outside our secure bunker. He spreads his legs and rubs with his large fat and hairy hand over his bulge. He smiles as I take action. In no time I free his long fat cock from hisbriefs. I love the manly musky smell! And he notices how I love that, as he rubs my head against his tool.

Try as I might, I always find it hard to accommodate his cock in my mouth. Is this because I’m too tense and barely know what I’m doing? Sucking cocks has never been hard for me. I try, I repeat, I try to fit his junk in my mouth and get my jaw worked out. The first time I gave him a blowjob, my jaw, lips, tongue, throat, and face got all worked out. Fuck, it’s too obvious! Who doesn’t get apprehensive while fucking in a public toilet, running the risk of being caught? This time I’m going to proceed with care. I take another deep breath and take his thick hard shaft and pull his fore-skin back. Then I lick the head of his cock and wash it generously with my tongue. He breathes harder and does his utmost to remain as quiet as a mouse here. I insert his cock inside my mouth. Slowly, I can almost accommodate everything in. I feel his salty delicious taste. A real man’s taste.

As I suck, I massage his large low hanging hairy purple balls. They are heavy and filled with cum for me. His forest of pubic hairs is long and smooth. I bet he’s using conditioner here, though they smell musky. I also massage his massive hairy thighs. I wish he could moan loudly for me, for I love to hear real man grunting and moaning with pleasure, just like any wild bear or lion! But he cannot, after all, this is a public toilet.

As I continue with this lovely task, I sense him coming. He holds my head, spreads his legs, and begins to breathe faster. I speed the lip movement and feel ready for his sweet load. He breathes hard and covers his mouth to avoid a scandalous moan. I swallow as much cum as I can. Some of course run down the sides of my mouth. I wipe them and continue swallowing his load. I wipe his cock clean and pull the skin back and forth to get every single drop out. He pulls me to himself and kisses me. This is the sign meaning, thank you m’am! As I remain level to his chest, for he’s a much taller man, he grabs my hard cock.

He turns around and lowers his shorts down to his knees. I smile and take from my bag my small bottle of lube. And as I insert a finger inside him, he breathes harder and covers his mouth. I take out a condom and put it on. As I insert it inside his anus, he pants and at times, holds his breath and releases it all at once. I enter his tight hole discreetly. And in no time, I feel myself surrounded by his fleshy hairy buttocks. I simply love fucking hairy chubby guys.

As I am already all the way inside him, I do not waste time. I fuck his ass hard and thrust my cock back and forth, like a piston. I cum and continue fucking his ass. As I finish, I remain inside him, making him wait. I pull out slowly and make him take out the condom and clean my cock with his mouth. When the coast is clear, we get off and wash our hands in the sink, dry, and smile to one another. He never looks at himself in the mirror. I do, for I love to see the look of satisfaction on my face. As I turn to look at him, he’s already gone. I smile and return to my cubicle, for I left my bag with a black T-shirt, a cap, and black pants that I’d brought along. I get changed in a flash and try to pursue my cop in the mall. It’s not hard to spot a man his size. I keep a safe distance between us. This time I’m determined to know more about this hot sexy man. I mix with the crowd and follow him. He takes the escalator to the third floor. I’m lucky for he is going to have lunch. He looks around and sits by a table and waits. I do the same. Suddenly, as expected, a lady joins him. At first I think she must be his mother. She is with a five year old girl. I pay more attention to her. She’s short, chubby, middle-aged, with extremely long black wavy hair. She’s wearing a tasteless old-fashioned plaid long dark brown dress with padded shoulders. She has a large necklace with a gold crucifix dangling between her huge breasts. I notice her wearing those low-heeled dark pink shoes. Just then I realize she’s not only chubby, but also pregnant, for she often rubs her own belly. They keep on arguing the whole time. As their argument heats up, the little girl hides behind her mother’s dress, pulling her skirt and disclosing her round belly. I’m shocked at this scene! No wonder Noel was in such a hurry to leave!

Surely today I’ve seen enough and decide to leave. I feel a pit in my stomach. Men are suck jerks! In spite of my disgust and anger, I stop to admire the water fountain. I always do. I listen to the soothing sound and admire the clear water. I find an ice cream cone in my hand and wonder how it ended up getting here. It is melting and I haven’t even tasted it. Instead, I dump it in the trash.

On the following Sunday I repeat my ritual. Getting up early, accessing some gay porn sites for bears, and checking his profile again. Hairy, strong, 1,85, 105 kg, single, discreet, sex only. After my shower, I get ready for the mall. As I am about to leave my house, I remember the news about criminal gangs killing cops. I hold the doorknob and pause. No, everything will be all right with him. I rush downstairs, not waiting for the slow elevator to arrive to my fourth floor. I take the morning paper and carry it along with me to the mall, which is not far from my apartment.

In the cubicle, I start reading the paper. I’m sure I’m the only one actually reading and getting some culture in this sort of place. I hear some people fucking next to my cubicle. Nothing new so far. I check the paper and see some bloody scenes. I feel angry as I see the headlines about the crimes against cops. Criminals even killed a fireman of all people!

My legs get sore and so does my neck. I check my watch. Geez, I can’t believe I’ve waited for nearly two hours in this cubicle! I rush to the restaurant and have a cup of coffee, while searching for him. Nothing.

On the following weekend I repeat the same ritual. This time I don’t read the paper, for it brings bad luck. I enter my cubicle and the numbers and headlines continue haunting me. Seventeen cops killed just this week! Criminals ambushed some officers. In the restaurant, I drink a bottle of water. And nothing of him again.

On the next Sunday, I miss the greeting girls at the entrance. I wonder why they’re not here today. I look outside and see a cop and my heart nearly skips a beat. He’s tall, hairy, and slim. I exit the main door and mean to make some small talk with this man. My heart sort of goes out for him. I can sense how tense he is, after all, many of his colleagues were killed in the past few weeks. Who could guarantee he was not going to be the next victim?

“Sir, my daughter has just had her wallet stolen from her purse in the mall! We were in the movies, then after the movie, she was going to buy,” the older lady is crying. Her daughter is much calmer. Then I hear the officer say that she can report the incident at the nearest police station, just a few blocks down the this street or do it online. I check my watch and smile to myself.

Desperate times require desperate measures.

Without thinking, I take out my money and bank card from my wallet and dump it in the toilet trash can. I hated the photos on my driver’s license and ID anyway.

“Officer, you won’t believe what happened to me.” I put on my desperate face. Thanks to the few free drama classes I’ve taken downtown!

“Yes, can I help you, sir?”

“I-I just can’t believe it happened to me, officer. I’ve put my wallet on my food tray. I was too distracted and when I returned to my table to retrieve it, my wallet was gone! I wish there were more security officers here! I wish you were inside to protect us good law-abiding and tax-payer citizens, sir!”

“Listen, a lady was here just a while ago and reported a similar incident. Listen, there’s this police station down the street. You can go there and report the theft.”

“Officer, I can’t believe there are no more safe places for us to go. Thieves and criminals aren’t afraid of anything. Do you trust places like this mall as a safe place to bring in your family?”

“In places like this there are cameras and private security. Personally, I and other officer friends often come here. And most times we come without our uniform, and we’re fine. Unfortunately there are people with evil intentions everywhere. But you can go to the police station as I suggested. I’m sure you’ll find all the assistance you need there, sir.”

“Thank you officer! I’m feeling much better now.”Without wasting time I walk down the street and find the police station. I look around and check every single officer I find. I know as a fact that they take turns and have different work shifts. If I’m lucky, I’ll find some information about Noel. And if not, go on searching for him at the ends of the world!

After about half hour filling the theft report, I look around once more and don’t find him. As I reach the street to walk back home, I pass in front of two officers, equally tall and strong. My heart nearly skips a beat! I lower my head and find a park bench at the square nearby. I feel I need some air! He seemed surprised to see me but pretended he didn’t know me. I feel a great relief, for now I know he is well and safe!

In the coming few weeks, I’ve stopped going to the mall and buried myself into some translation work from English to Portuguese and vice-versa. My coordinator at the private English school found odd that I’d requested to do some extra work on weekends. Anyway, life always brings us changes. And what a big change it has brought me!

One Sunday, after working until late on a translation of Tennesse Williams’ play, ‘The Night of the Iguana,’ my phone rang. Maybe it’s my aunt. She’s the only relative who would call me at this time, 11 P.M.

“Hello?” I hold the receiver and yawn.

“Ken?”

“Noel?” I say the first name that comes to my mind.

At the toilet, on the next Sunday, he enters the cubicle. We stare at each other for a while. Both of us are mute. His heavy hands are on my shoulder. I feel different towards him now. I can sense he feels the same way. The magnetic desperate attraction is now gone. I just feel like hugging him, telling him everything will be all right, that he could work safely, that no criminals would kill him, that he could raise his family without worrying about me, that I’d never go to his police station again. Instead, he just looks down and exits. I feel I should just let him go. But my heart tells me to run after him and, tell him how I feel. Fuck! What a mess!

At the distance, he stops. I feel tenderness for this large strong man. I decide to follow him and put an end to this. He takes the escalator and I follow him. Obviously he knows I’m following him. And he chooses this open wide area for us to meet! He chooses the same table that I saw him with his wife and kid. I smile and join him by the same table. He doesn’t say anything and puts both his strong hairy elbows on the table, hands joined, as if pleading. I realize my mistake and feel ready to let him go.

“Please, stay, Ken.” We look at each other’s eyes.

“Is that what you really want, in such a public place.”

“Call me Gilberto, Ken.” He opens a shy smile.

“Oh, all right then.”

“My friend Júlio told me you were there, reporting a stolen wallet.”

“He was very helpful.” He nods.

“I had to call you and,” he looks down, “try my luck.” He fidgets with his large hands. I suppose officers are men of action and can’t keep still. I wonder what he wants from me, if anything at all.

“Try your luck?”

“Yes. I didn’t want simply a brief affair. I suppose I could have one, now that I’m a free man.”

“Do you mean, you wife and children,” I look down.

“Yes.” His voice is low and sad. I look around and cannot concentrate on my thoughts, for too many people are talking at once.

“Can we, perhaps, find a quieter place, Gilberto?”

“We could go to the cinema. There is the lobby and it’s gets quite empty once a movie starts.”

“Look, Gilberto. I don’t live too far from here. Would you like to come to my place instead?” And to my surprise he ends up accepting my suggestion. So we walk towards the escalators, go down a few floors, and reach the street. We walk silently. He has both large hands in his jeans pockets. I open the door of my apartment and this large man enters. I invite him to sit on my sofa.

He collapses on the sofa and leans his strong body forward, covering his head. I hate this guilty-feeling-thing those married guys have! I wonder if he has regretted having come here. However, I sense he’s changed. He’s not like the others, whom I cannot even talk to but have sex and leave. I sit beside him and remain silent. He raises his head and turns to me. I can see he hasn’t slept well, for he has shadows around his eyes. He seems to have aged during the past few weeks. I notice his wedding ring in his fat hairy finger. He notices that and smiles.

“I forgot to take it off, Ken.” He smiles and takes it off and puts it on the coffee table.

“Can I see it, Gilberto?”

“Sure.” He takes the small object in his large hand. I take it and feel his hot hand. “Call me Gil if you want. All my friends, including my ex-wife, call me this way.”

“All right, Gil.” I check the ring. “It’s beautiful.”

“You can put it on if you want, Ken.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?” I turn to him. He smiles.

“Why would I mind, my friend. You can keep it, as a souvenir.”

“I-I can’t, Gil.” I mean to say, it’s too big for my finger.

“Ok.” I check the name inside it.

“Gislaine. It’s a pretty name.”

“Life has been difficult for us lately, my friend. My ex says she doesn’t want me anymore. She moved out, leaving everything behind her. Not a single spoon, glass, piece of furniture she wanted from me. She told me it was preferred to be a widow, than to live the shame of being with a man like me,” he wipes his tears. I wipe my own tears too. I hate seeing big strong men crying. Sissy fags like me do cry all the time. But not this strong proud officer, married, with a family.

“I saw you and your family once, in the mall.” I say. He nods.

“My wife shouted at me, in front of innocent child, that I was an aberration, a monster. That I was not fit to be a father. She said she wished I was dead! This is what she said, right in front of our child.” He sobs. I approach him and touch his muscular solid back. I rub his back and stroke his head. He leans against me. I feel his hot tears. They’re so real and tangible like blood, bullets, and a gold ring.

“That’s a very mean thing to say, Gil.”

“She was right to say those things, Ken. After all, I’ve ruined their lives.” He takes my hand and kisses it. “As she left me, she said everybody would learn about my being gay and meeting men in public toilets. She’d ruin my career, destroy my life, Ken.” His hands are shaking.

“Calm down, dear. I’ll get you a glass of water, Gil.” I go to the kitchen and grab a glass of water. He drinks everything in one gulp.

“Thanks, Ken. I feel much better now.” He hands me the empty glass and stands up. “I-I guess I should be leaving. You don’t have to put up with a jerk like me just pouring out his crap. Oh, fuck! What an idiot I am! No wonder my ex said I was too stupid and only screwed things up! That I was only muscles but no brains. She even said that during our marital life, not once she got an orgasm, after years of being married.”

“Gil, enough!” I shake my head and look into his eyes. “Enough of punishing yourself, dear!” I take a deep breath. “Gil, can I give you a hug before you go?”

“Why would you still want to hug a big loser like me?” He looks down. I approach him and hug this strong man.

“Because you need all the love you can get, my friend. You’re quite vulnerable right now. I cannot give you much, just this hug my friend. If it means anything to you. Then you can go in peace.” I squeeze him. He doesn’t move a muscle.

“I-I’m feeling, I really don’t know what to say. I’m getting love from a stranger. From someone I’d never expected a thing in return. My own family, friends, ex, church, pastor all condemned me for being who I am. They simply cut me dead. Thank you, Ken.” He wipes his own tears and hugs me tightly. Geez, I hope he won’t break my poor back! No wonder nobody would mess up with a man like him! “Is this how one is supposed to feel when being loved, Ken?”

“I suppose so, Gil. When you feel love, your entire being is affected and changed. What I’m offering you is simply my love, and nothing else.”

“So, you do feel something for me?” He smiles. I nod.

“And what about you, my dear giant?” We smile.

“I don’t know, Ken. This is so new to me. Of course sexually I feel you’re a hot handsome Asian guy of my dreams.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Ken. It sounds as if I were making a pass at you.”

“And what if you were? What’s the problem with that?”

“But a hot guy like you would never listen to a moron like me. Like I said, I come from a very narrow-minded religious family, poor, with little education and culture. Why would you ever consider yourself getting involved with the kinds like me? I live in such a place you’d never want to visit, for it reeks of dead flesh, smoke, cesspool. And I’m not exaggerating, my friend. You’d never want to be in such a neighborhood, where you find, in ordinary days, one or three bodies just lying on the ditch.”

“Gil, I feel you need to be encouraged, praised, and

surely loved. You’ve chosen a hard but beautiful career. I can tell you’re a decent man, and trying hard to live up to your principles and on top of all that, conciliating your sexual orientation. And it’s no wonder you’re feeling a toll on your life, dear.” I smile. “About myself, I’ve been through university, for my folks paid for my education. I live in this rented apartment, and don’t have much money myself, for my teacher’s salary doesn’t allow me to buy everything I want. But I still feel happy. And I feel so glad you’re trusting and opening up to me. I feel there’s a lot of things you need to get rid off first my friend. You’ve been fed a lot of negative ideas, thoughts, principles, and lessons that are only doing you harm.”

“Ken, after I settle my divorce, the sale of the house,child-support with my ex, do you think you’d like to still talk with this broken man?” He looks into my eyes. I take his large hand and kiss it.

“Of course, Gil. I’ll give you all the time in the world to settle your things with your family. Then, we can start everything anew.”

“Ken, I must tell you that I’ve got basically nothing on my name. My family has deserted me, and after my divorce, I’ll just have bills and child support to pay.”

“Gil, it’s never too late to start a new life again. And I feel you’re brave, honorable, and courageous to do it.” He nods.

“Even though I’m a cop, big, and appear to be courageous, I feel so weak, so vulnerable, anddiscouraged. Perhaps somebody must have told you already, but among us male cops, we feel so vulnerable and lacking love, affection, and dialogue in our homes. We come home feeling scared, afraid of not making it home after a day’s work, and feeling quite vulnerable. And people don’t understand that we are humans too. We’re not fighting machines, robots, automatons.”

“I understand, dear. I also wished people saw officers in a different way.” I kiss him on the mouth.

“That kiss was so pure, my love.” He takes me in his arms and kisses me again. I feel his tongue invading my mouth. “Wow, I don’t know what went through me, I-I’m sorry, Ken.”

“Don’t be sorry, dear. You were just expressing a feeling that’s coming up and flourishing in you, dear.”

I slowly help him remove his T-shirt, revealing his muscular hairy upper body. He removes my shirt. I remove my pants. He removes his jeans. I can’t help noticing his white briefs, barely holding his slanted cock, already oozing pre-cum.

“You’re so beautiful, Ken. Just looking at your body, I feel passion, lust, and, an uncontrollable feeling to just attack you!” We embrace and kiss. He runs his large callused hands all over my body. He feels my smooth chest, slim waist, small buttocks, long smooth arms, and face. I feel his bull’s strong neck, solid furry chest, hairy muscular back, bulky arms, solid waist, and firm round hairy buttocks.

“You’re very hot, Gil!” I look into his eyes and he smiles. We kiss once more and I run my hand over his chest, belly, and insert my hand inside his briefs.

“Oh, yesss!” He moans.

“I’ll give you a nice blowjob, dear.” I drop his briefs and he steps out of them. I take his familiar large cock and lick his pre-cum. As I pull back his fore-skin, I lick the shiny head of his cock clean. He moves his powerful legs and strokes my head. As I fit his cock in my mouth, he loses it and becomes flaccid.

“I-I’m sorry, Ken.” He takes his large cock in his hand and thrusts it, to no avail. I take his hand and stop him.

“Gil, that’s all right. Don’t force yourself to perform for me. You’ve got to learn to pay attention to how your body feels.”

“I can’t disappoint you, Ken. My ex would tease and throw insults at me. It was so emasculating.”

“Dear, I know that physically there’s nothing wrong with your body.” I stroke his face. He smiles. So, chill and relax. When we feel like doing it again, we do it. It’s got to be this way, dear.” I kiss him on the mouth. He looks down. I take his chin and lift his head. He looks into my eyes. “Give me a loving kiss, Gil.” He smiles.

“I love you, Ken.” We kiss.

“Tell you what, Gil, why don’t we make something for a snack? I’m already feeling a bit hungry. Besides, I haven’t offered you anything but water! What manners!” We put our clothes back on and head towards the kitchen.

“Ken, I usually make doughnuts at home. My ex, kid, family, and friends loved it. I can make them if you want.” He lists all the ingredients we’ll need.

“I’ve got everything in the house, including baking powder dear!” I put an apron on him.

“My ex hated when I was in the kitchen, for she always had to clean it afterwards.”

“No problem, dear! I’ll teach you to get organized. What do you say?” We both laugh.

“Can I kiss you again before we cook, my love?”

“Of course, my love.” We kiss and I can see true happiness in his eyes. I also feel tenderness and passion. Boy, how this big man is lacking so much love. We surely complement each other.

“What is it, Ken?” He kisses me again.

“I was thinking of us.”

“And of our happiness?” We kiss again.

“Yes, dear. Of our happiness and the future.”

“I love you, Ken.”

“I love you too, my big bear!” We kiss and hug again.

“Big bear?”

“Yes, because you’re a big hairy man. Just like a nice big bear.”

“And you’re my bright angel.”

“An angel?”

“Yes, a being of light, who came down to earth to take care of and love me.”

“I can never stop kissing you, dear.”

“Then, don’t, my angel.”

“All right. Shall we get back to business?”

“Sure thing!” And we get back to kissing.