A Polarity of Attraction

Peyton unplugged his Tesla, climbed behind the wheel and silently drove out of the parking lot heading to work. At stoplights, he checked his email, mostly work emails that came in during the night, but one from his mom asking if he was still coming down for the family reunion in two weeks. He replied ‘maybe’, hit send and closed the email account. He drove through the city, the streets already busy even though it was just after six thirty in the morning. He cut past the old mall with sections fenced off, going through a major renovation that would turn it into a lifestyle center, eliminating much of the enclosed mall. It amused him how a trend from one period suddenly becomes so disposable in the next. What people saw in it, all this consumerism, this need to shop and browse for things they didn’t need, he didn’t know.

Peyton cut across the freeway at Monroe Road and continued toward the office park on the east side of town, the one with a plastic factory, the warehouse for some electronics company and tucked in back, with a creek running along the rear of the property, the testing agency. It was a state-run laboratory, testing water, soil and air around the state, reporting back to federal agencies quarterly on their latest findings. Everyone called it The Lab, an odd thing to him, since the laboratory was the smallest space in the building, far too small for the workload it was expecting to turn out. Most of the building was for administration functions or the open office area the others called The Cube Farm, another labeling of a space that just seemed so trifling to him. The open office area housed the field agents and their immediate support staff. Along the interior wall lined with offices were the managers that oversaw them. It was part of the agency he rarely went in, for the laboratory was in back, a masonry fire wall separating it from the remainder of the building, something that was overkill for them, but not the original tenant, the one that tested pharmaceuticals.

Peyton pulled into the nearly empty parking lot and eased into the last space at the rear, one away from the others to prevent door dings and scratches. The Tesla had been a big purchase for Peyton, the biggest he had ever done, and it was one he had waited a long time to get after making a deposit. There was so much he saw no real value. Fancy clothes, the trendiest furniture or having a full bar or the largest television that would fit into his apartment. But the car, one that allowed him to never visit another gas station, was something he saw a certain value.

The apartment was the first place he rented when he moved to the city some five years earlier after a short internship in Atlanta. It was small, a one bedroom that overlooked the woods at the back of the property, and until he had the money saved up for a house or condo, he intended to remain in it, for it was cheaper than the newer apartments that were springing up all over the city. Moving to one of the newer places was an expenditure he couldn’t justify, especially with the added expense of a move he had no intention of tackling until it was to a place of his own.

Peyton walked across the parking lot, slid his security card through the reader and entered through the side door that would take him directly to the laboratory. The early morning before anyone arrived was his favorite time of day. The quietness calmed him and it gave him time to check the equipment, review the data from the previous day and get settled at his small desk before Susan and Lisa came in, the other two laboratory technicians in which he shared the small cramped room. He knew it was a trait that was difficult for others to understand, this desire to be able to work alone as much as possible. He knew the terms assigned to it, this introverted nature that possessed him, and in some ways, he wished he were different. He never went with the others to lunch, always bringing it to save money, but there were times in the past when he had been asked to tag along and he had been tempted. Trouble was he had refused to go with them so consistently they no longer asked.

Peyton knew something was missing in his life. Nights alone in his apartment, television showing the latest PBS programming or some Sci-Fi movie of an alternate reality he wished was real in some way, he felt his isolation and wondered how he was going to break out of it. What did he have to do to make a connection with someone? He tried to imagine the scenarios that would make it happen. Meeting someone at the grocery store, or maybe he would start to go out, hit a bar or some coffee shop that stayed open all night. He could imagine it, this meeting someone who could push past the boundaries he put up. He tried to picture how this person would appear. What kind of personality they would possess? He tried to make them female, some woman about his age, but he couldn’t make it work. There was a reason, one he had known about for years, since he was fourteen and watching cousins at family gatherings play football in their grandparent’s front yard. One team would be skins and he saw the bare torsos, skin glistening with sweat and he had felt an attraction toward them. He knew how it made him different, and knew he had to keep it to himself. It was in college before he ever acted on it, and it was the other guy who initiated it.

Peyton was a sophomore, but he had done so well in all his chemistry classes, already taking senior level classes, an instructor had asked him to tutor a junior in a chemistry lab. He had refused at first until there was the promise of money, something he was always in dire need. He was on a scholarship that didn’t cover all of his expenses. The first two sessions were a torture for him, for he was unable to make the small talk that let strangers get to know one another till there was the possibility of friendship. Added to the situation was the fact the guy had his own apartment off campus causing them to be alone. But the worst aspect was the guy himself. He knew the term and understood its significance. Ian was a jock. A tall, muscular jock. One that wore nothing but flimsy gym shorts and took up more space than seemed possible.

It was the third session that some understanding passed between them. Ian stopped making comments about his skinny build and shyness. He stopped flexing his biceps, telling Peyton he should work out, build up his body. On the fourth session Ian told of his older brother, and how he was like Peyton. He told stories of how they got along, the compromises he had to make and how Logan struggled in school, being bullied and it was he, his younger brother who got into fights over it. During their fifth session, knees bumped together, fingers touched when passing notes and Peyton caught Ian looking at him in a different way more than once. Ian got him to go for pizza when they had finished. This change in place, a small Italian restaurant on the other side of town, relaxed Peyton enough he began to talk about himself. He told of growing up in Huntsville, of going to the space museum and the large family that surrounded him. On the walk back to Ian’s apartment he admitted how he wished he could be more social, and he really did want to go out with someone. To go on a date, but he didn’t know how to ask someone and not be awkward about. Ian had laughed, telling him everyone was awkward at it most of the time.

It was the sixth session, a stormy rainy afternoon, when Ian asked Peyton if he liked boys or girls. The question froze him, made him studder, those old fears and warnings he had told himself over the years came back to him. Ian had put a hand on his arm, gently, so little pressure as to barely be touching, and told him it was okay, whichever he preferred. Then Ian had told him of his own preference. The attraction to other guys, especially those different from himself. Peyton had sat stunned by the confession, then more taking aback by the kiss to his check, a quick kiss, that sent shivers down his back.

Peyton had let Ian show him what two guys could do, and in turn Ian had let him set their pace, letting him choose what they would do. Peyton had touched Ian, and mimicked what Ian did to him till he found Ian on top riding his cock.

They had continued till the end of the semester where Ian had to tell him he was transferring. His grades were bad in other courses and his parents were making him move to the college closer to home, one that would allow him to live at home. It had devasted Peyton, loosing this one person who understood him and let things between them proceed at a pace he could accept. They kept in touch via social media and frequent phone calls, till one day, they didn’t. He tutored other guys, went to a campus club for Sci-Fi geeks and focused harder on his studies, telling himself things would be better after college.

Peyton scanned the previous day’s data, checked the schedule for what needed to be done that day and what he could expect from the field agents. Lisa came in twenty till nine and five minutes later, Susan, hair pulled up in a ponytail making her appear younger than her thirty-one years.

“Hey, Peyton, Lisa. So, what’s on today’s agenda” said Susan as she slipped on her lab coat.

“Just the usual” Lisa replied, “right, Peyton?”, looking over for confirmation.

“Right” Peyton replied, smiling a little, something that came easier for him with Lisa, than with Susan.

The Jock

The black Camaro, all spoilers and flares and wide tires, rumbled down the ramp and to the street. The motor revved and the car pulled out into the noonday traffic. Behind the wheel, adjusting the radio for the second time, never satisfied with any selection, Nick drove with his left hand. He used his right to change the radio, to adjust the air conditioning, fiddle with the cord from his cell phone then look at the screen to see if any messages arrived. The sun hit the black car in all its intensity, and he pulled shades from the sun visor slipping them on his face. The lens looked as dark as the black paint and the leather interior.

Nick was twenty-nine and on his way to his new job at the testing agency. Since arriving in the city two weeks ago, he got his apartment set up, one in a new complex in downtown overlooking the skyline. He bought new living room furniture, and on a whim, while out walking one day, a painting from the gallery down the street. Hung over his sofa, it was the last purchase that made the room look the way he wanted. Then he drove around for a few days, checking out different areas, visiting restaurants and bars, finding the nearest grocery stores and the little liquor store two streets over from his apartment.

Nick had been in Tallahassee working at a similar agency, doing field work for the last six years. The hot, humid atmosphere and the constant threat of snakes made him wish for a slightly more hospitable environment. There were also personal reasons he sought a change. He had considered a job in Denver and another in Boston, but in the end he found himself in this city. He was to report at one thirty to his manager and get settled into a desk ready to hit the ground running the next morning.

At a stoplight, a guy crossed in front of Nick, late twenties, black suit, white shirt, no tie, collar open. The guy had short dark hair, a slim build and a distant look in his eyes. And he had Nick’s undivided attention from sidewalk to sidewalk till a horn blew, letting him know the light had changed. Every time he saw a guy that captured his eye, every slim guy with a certain look about them, he found himself looking, appraising how they attracted his attention. And how they made him think of Jason.

There had been his first in high school, the one that kissed and touched till they discovered the pleasure of sex between two guys. In college there were other guys, the one down the hall in his dorm freshman year, the guy he met at the campus gym, and five others he dated off and on till graduation. None of them had been serious, each guy looking to their future, himself included. As they graduated, degree in hand, each went to find the next phase of their life.

It was in Tallahassee, after being in the city for only three weeks, Nick met Jason. They crossed paths in the grocery store, once in the drug store on the corner, then one Friday night, the small gay bar in town. He remembered how Jason had looked so surprise to see him. It took a week to get Jason to go out with him. There was a shyness that he had had to peel away slowly. There was the first-time having sex, with Jason standing at the foot of bed afraid to take off his clothes. Scared to let Nick see his skinny body with Nick standing there already naked showing what good genes and a regular gym routine could do.

Nick knew he was a lucky bastard when it came to his body. There were guys who worked out far more often than he did, pushed themselves harder, and followed one fad diet after the next. Some guys bulked-up and shoulders broadened as they took on the body of a body builder. But others only toned up, bodies staying lean. Nick simply but on better muscular tone that fit his six-foot three frame. He weighed one-eighty, had done so since his sophomore year of college and with little effort maintained that weight. But the odd thing for Nick was how he was not attracted to other guys with his kind of build. He turned down one after the next at the gym or at the bar or a couple times just out for a jog through the park, a guy stopping him, asking for his number. He liked those that were skinny. Those with tall, lanky builds. And he especially liked the shy types, the ones he had to coax out of their shells, just as he had done with Jason.

Why it didn’t work out with Jason, Nick didn’t know. Looking back, he knew over the last year things had changed between them. Little comments about being unhappy. And a restlessness where Jason seemed always ready to take off. Three months ago, he did, leaving a note on the table for him to find when he got home from work. It had the usual excuses, the reasons why but it wasn’t till near the end that Nick saw the reason, hinted at between the lines. Jason didn’t call him back for over a week, and when he did Nick could tell he was far away, some place completely different.

Nick pulled into the office park and followed its road toward the back, curved just enough to not be a straight shot but not enough to feel natural, like there was a purpose to it. He motored to the parking lot entrance and pulled down the first aisle looking for an empty space he could feel secure leaving his car. He pulled all the way down and turned toward the back. He was near the end before he came to empty spaces, and one lone Tesla sitting in the last one. He pulled down and backed in the space two over, leaving one between them.

Strolling across the parking lot, heading toward the front, Nick looked at the low nondescript building with its flat roof and narrow windows evenly spaced along the walls and he knew it had been built long ago. But as plain as it was, it was new to him, with a new job waiting inside. It wasn’t downtown in a nicer building like the job in Tallahassee, but then again, he didn’t have to deal with parking decks and the fees associated with them, nor the likely hood of a door ding or scratch.

Inside the lobby the receptionist looked through the small window and smiled as he approached. He saw her name tag reminding him of her name: Amelia.

“Nicholas, welcome. Can I get you something to drink? Mitchell will be a few minutes. He’s tied up on some conference call” said Amelia.

“No, I’m good, thanks” Nick replied seeing the way she looked at him. He knew the look and wondered how long it’d be before she got the hint he had no interest.

Introductions

Peyton was at the centrifuge taking out the test tubes when Lisa came in carrying a box of new samples for testing.

“Have you seen the new guy?” Lisa asked Susan.

“No? Why? Is he hot?”

“OH yeah. Very nice.”

“Is he married?”

“There isn’t a ring.”

Peyton went to the cabinet that sat between the women’s desk, listening as the giggled like schoolgirls. He knew someone was coming in to get set up and would be starting tomorrow, but he didn’t know anything about them. But he wondered what Lisa and Susan would say if he asked them if he was straight. Could they figure that out? Why was it so easy for them to talk like this, to be so open about their attractions? He knew part of the reason, but it still made him flinch.

“…there are no eligible men in the office, so it’ll be nice to have someone new, even if they are just eye candy” Lisa was telling Susan as Peyton whispered a small ‘excuse me’ and backed from between them. They didn’t know he was gay. No one knew. And it rankled him the way he was so easily dismissed. Someone that didn’t really exist. It was partly his fault and it was stupid to think of it. He knew he’d be more pissed off if they pestered him to go out on a date with one of them. It was so irrational, this feeling he was having. He went back to his desk and went back to work trying not to dwell on it.

The door swung open and Peyton turned to see Mitchell come in followed by a guy that could only be the newest hire.

“…and this is the laboratory. This is Lisa, Susan and over there is Peyton.”

“Hey, nice to meet you” Nick replied extending his hand to Lisa, then Susan. He moved across the room to Peyton, extending his hand again, “Peyton is it?”

“Yes, and you are?” Peyton replied, short and to the point. He didn’t notice Mitchell grimace or Lisa and Susan smile knowingly.

“Nicholas…but call me Nick. I guess we’ll be working together.”

“Not really.”

It was an hour after meeting Nick that Peyton began to understand why their introduction made his hands shake and feel a tightening within his chest. He didn’t understand it at first then it dawned on him. Nick reminded him of Ian from college. They didn’t look alike. Ian had been blonde headed with blue eyes. And shorter than his six-foot one. The new guy, Nicholas, was taller, darker, with jet black hair and brown eyes. But there was something about Nick that reminded him of Ian.

At four o’clock, Peyton shunt down his computer, filed away the documents on his desk and shut off his lamp. He heard a chair roll across the floor and turned to see Lisa move up next to Susan, a clipboard in hand and a questioning look on her face. He didn’t linger around to hear what they were discussing, instead he said goodbye and eased out the door. He walked down the short hall to the side door coming out into the bright afternoon light. Even with the sound of traffic coming through the trees from the interstate there was something peaceful about the area, the way the building was tucked into the trees. And just knowing there was a small creek down in the trees added to this natural environment and he told himself he still needed to go down and check it out one day. One day soon, he thought, even though he had told himself so frequently over the last few years he doubted he’d ever go down to it.

Peyton walked through the lot, looking at each vehicle he passed. The Ford Fusion that belonged to Jim. The BMW 330i that belonged to Travis. The Tahoe that belonged to Teresa. As he came to each vehicle, he recalled who owned it, till he came to the gap in the line of vehicles, the one that separated his car from the others. The gap wasn’t as wide, for parked in the middle of it was a black Camaro. It looked more track car than road car, all low slung with flares and spoilers. This belongs to the new guy. This belongs to Nicholas.

As he passed the black mass of metal and composites, he saw his reflection in the windshield. He imagined it was him in the passenger seat, waiting on Ian.

He climbed into his 3 and silently, with a slow speed, eased out of the parking lot.

The rest of the week passed with its normal routines. The new guy was out in the field, a territory that was always given to the newest hire for it had the most travel and required more nights away. Peyton, with Lisa and Susan, ran tests, filed the results and put away the samples. They talked about those that seemed wrong, the ones far worse than anticipated, or the one in a series that didn’t align. Reports were noted, requests for further tests sent out, and they flagged the samples and stored them with the rest.

Friday arrived and the morning was like all others. At lunch, Lisa and Susan slipped out and Peyton wondered if it would be Mexican at the restaurant on Piedmont Lane, or hamburgers at Evan’s, the tavern in Midwood, or maybe they would break their routine and do something different. He removed his lab coat, picked up the small cooler with his lunch and headed outside. He went out the side door and to the picnic table at the back of the building. It sat at a small patio area and was quiet except for the white noise of traffic filtering through the woods. This was his routine, when the weather was nice and not too hot. A breeze swirled around the building and he used his drink to hold down the napkin. He wondered why he didn’t initiate a lunch with the others, or why they had given up on him, no longer even asking. He knew he was too introverted, too hesitate to engage others in conversation. He just didn’t know how to make the small talk that came so easy to others. The results of some game from the night before, or some items in the news, or the latest gossip about a co-worker. Part of the problem was he didn’t care about most of it.

He tossed his garbage and sat back down knowing he had over half his lunch hour left. He wouldn’t use all it, never did, but he did enjoy a few minutes of sitting quietly. Calming his mind till ready to tackle the afternoon in the lab. He closed his eyes and pictured the beach, with waves crashing on the shore. It was a vision of last fall when he took his vacation in Montserrat, the Caribbean island that had the smallest number of tourists. He pictured Soufriere Hills Volcano and the evergreen trees that dotted the rolling terrain.

It was a loud, rumbling noise, its deep bass frequencies seemed to vibrate the very ground beneath Peyton. It revved louder, a whine of metal and combusting gas, then idled down till nearly inaudible. It stopped his daydreaming, and he opened his eyes and looked around the corner of the building to the far end of the parking lot. The black Camaro was backing into a space two over from his 3. Ian…no Nicholas.

Peyton went to the side door, arriving at the same time as Nick, knowing he did it on purpose. He scanned his ID and pulled the door open, stepping to the side to let Nick enter first.

“How was your first time in the field?” Peyton asked.

“Good. It was a long week but no problems. I give these to Stacy or to…”

“Teresa. She is the person who will log them in and send them to the lab.”

“Okay, thanks. How are you Peyton?” asked Nick as he went into the building.

“I’m good.”

Peyton followed Nick into the building and looked with longing as Nick moved down the corridor then passed through the next security door heading to his cubicle. Peyton watched the door close, then went back to the lab where he put on his coat and went back to work.

It was nearly four and Peyton began to arrange his desk for shutting down for the weekend. Lisa had left the room for a minute and Susan was busy logging in test data when the door swung open.

“Hey guys?” Nick asked, sticking his head around the door. “We’re going to some pub after work. You guys in?”

“Yes, I would love to tag along” Susan responded immediately.

Peyton swiveled around and saw the way Susan was looking at Nick. He recognized the look, for it was how he felt. He looked over to Nick who was waiting for his reply. He had never said yes before. Never really wanted to till now. But would it betray him to do so?

“I don’t know” Peyton responded, his voice betraying him, the tone desirous.

“Oh, come on Peyton. Unless you have plans after work, we’ll see you there. I’ll email out the place when I get to my desk.”

When the door closed, Susan looked over at Peyton who was still staring at it as if he could still see Nick. “Will you really come along? It’ll be nice for you to join us, you know.”

“Really?”

Susan laughed, then rolled closer. “Yes, Peyton. We don’t bite. We might gossip a bit but…” She smiled as she put a hand on his arm. “Just come out for a little while. We’ll have a couple of drinks and some will even stay for a burger or sandwich. You don’t have to gossip or tell those awful jokes like Richard or Stacy.”

“Okay” Peyton replied.

Peyton parked in the neighborhood behind the commercial strip that made up the small business district on the outskirts of town. It was a four block walk back to the pub and he enjoyed being out, watching others out for an afternoon stroll, or jogging past, or doing as he, heading to a pub or restaurant. Cars lined the streets, the workday over and now they eased along the crowded streets heading home.

The pub was busy, all the sidewalk tables occupied and people hovering around the entry waiting on co-workers or friends to show up. Peyton made his way inside, turned one way or the other, he slipped through the crowd, circled around the large bar that sat near the front till he was coming up behind Nick and Richard, the others looking his way, smiling at his approach.

“You came?” two of Peyton’s co-workers exclaimed and he blushed at being called out.

“Yes” Peyton replied.

Nick and Richard turned and suddenly Nick’s hand was on Peyton’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze, rocking him on his feet. “You made it. Come on, what’s your poison?”

“Poison?”

“Drink of choice. The first one is on me” Nick replied, and Peyton saw Susan and Teresa raise their glass indicating Nick had bought their drinks.

“Vodka and tonic.”

“Bartender!” Nick exclaimed.

Peyton didn’t know when it had gotten so late. He had lost track of time, something he did not do very often. Susan, Lisa and Nick had ended up circling him, keeping him engaged in their banter, even if he had nothing to say. They hovered at the bar with the others, then when everyone else had left, they moved to a table nearby. Empty plates and glasses sat around the table and conversations turned more personal. Lisa, then Susan talking about living alone in the city, and what it was like as a woman. Nick told his time in Tallahassee, his job there and hanging out in the city, but it was obvious to Lisa and Susan, there was much not being said. Eventually, slowly, they got Peyton to tell more about himself. Like Nick, he seemed to be leaving a lot out, but Lisa wondered if he was still a virgin, the assumption innocent enough, naïve really, for she didn’t think about the alternative. The reason Peyton, and Nick, left out the most personal aspect of their past.

Peyton could sense the judgments being made, could see it in their eyes. He felt flushed at times, his face growing warm, knowing he would be red faced. He saw the looks. Lisa with a look of concern and Susan with one that was questioning, almost like she was ready to call him out. But it was the look by Nick that rattled him the most. It also made him think of Ian and he found himself fighting the urge to slide a foot over till it touched Nick. A desire for some contact, no matter how superficial and one sided it may be.

Too Soon

Nick had a feeling about Peyton, some nagging sense about this quiet shy guy. The simple plain haircut, the white shirt so neat and starched smooth that even after a long day it looked better than his own when he first slipped it on in the morning, and there were the cautious mannerism, the way he held back on the simplest questions. Questions he too wanted answers, even knowing he avoided the same ones.

Nick leaned in close, lowered his voice, as he talked to the three of them. The noisy pub made it seem necessary, but he just wanted to close the distance between Peyton and himself. To really look at his expressions. Brown eyes…he has brown eyes. 

“I have got to go” said Lisa as she stood up, slinging her bag over a shoulder. “I have to meet a friend for brunch in the morning.”

“Wait up and I’ll walk out with you” said Susan, drinking the last of her drink.

“Should we leave?” asked Peyton, realizing he didn’t want to leave, not if Nick would stay.

“Sit down, you’re hanging out with me” Nick replied, putting a hand on Peyton’s shoulder to keep him from standing.

They watched Lisa and Susan work their way around the bar, the space still crowded and noisy. Once out of sight, Nick looked at Peyton, how he tried to find somewhere to focus on, eyes looking around nervously. It was endearing, the way Peyton was suddenly nervous with it just the two of them, and he was sure he was right. Had to be.

“How long have you been at the lab?”

“Five years.”

“You like it?”

“Yes. You like the field work?”

“I don’t like slogging through mud and muck, or wading waist deep in water I saw only moments before a snake swimming by, but…yeah, I like it.”

Peyton smiled and Nick smiled back, glad to see him relax again. He leaned on elbows, a little closer. “You know I think we have things in common.” It was a test, a way to see how Peyton reacted. He had to know. All evening he had watched Peyton. He was so cute the way he stammered when Teresa, then Susan would ask some personal question. The way he circumvented around the question of what kind of girl he liked, and when was the last time he went out with someone he really liked. Nick listened to the replies, the way they were gender neutral, and Peyton never really answering them. With it just the two of them, he sensed something else. He saw the way Peyton cut his eyes to look back. The nervous tapping of fingers on the table. If he reached underneath and put his hand on a knee, he was sure it would be vibrating up and down too.

“What things?” Peyton asked.

“We both like nice cars. I’ve seen that Tesla you drive. It’s nice.”

“Thanks.”

“And I think we both like to be with someone we can see some aspect of ourselves in them.”

Peyton looked at Nick and it was there. This anxiousness that he was getting close to a secret. If Peyton only knew how much he wanted to know him to his secret. To find out he is right. He reached under the table and let his fingers graze one knee. He barely touched it, just a couple of fingers making contact. Peyton’s eyes went wide, and he scooted back abruptly, the chair scraping across the floor. Nick was thankful for the noise of the bar that drowned the sound with only the closest to them noticing.

“I’m sorry” said Nick, wondering if he had been wrong.

Peyton jumped up, pulling out his wallet. He tossed a couple of twenties and a ten on the table and backed up a step. “I think that will cover my part. I have to go.”

“Peyton…wait…” but Nick had seen the look. The fear of it, and he didn’t know how to respond to it. Peyton reacted too quickly, didn’t give him time to make up some bullshit excuse, or pretend it was an accident. He leaned back and sighed, feeling like he made a huge mistake. The waitress came by his table heading toward the bar.

“Check please” Nick called out when she glanced his way.

Monday morning Nick arrived at the lab early, deliberately, so he could beat Peyton to work. He parked in his usual spot, leaving the last for him. He checked his schedule for the coming week, scrolled through emails and fired up the coffee pot, assuming someone would be in soon to help him drink it. A little before seven he went to the lab, finding the door closed and no light coming from underneath it. About to head back to his desk, the side door swung open and Peyton entered the building.

“Nicholas?”

“Hey Peyton. I want to apologize for Friday night. I didn’t mean…I didn’t think…”

“Forget it Nicholas” Peyton replied, inserting his ID card in the reader for the lab door unlocking it for the day.

Nick realized Peyton was once again using his full name, formally, and he knew it was meant to keep a distance between them.

“I’m serious, Peyton. I’m really sorry.”

Peyton stopped in the doorway and nodded his head, looking as if finally accepted the apology. “Okay, Nick. It’s okay. Forget about it.”

“Well, I’ll see you around?” Nick asked, wondering if Peyton would dismiss him, maybe even close the door in his face.

“Yeah” Peyton replied and closed the door gently, the lock clicking into place sounding louder than before.

A little after eight, Nick pulled out of the parking lot to start his field work. He would be gone till Wednesday night then have two days in the office. Driving out of the city, going against much of the flow of traffic coming in, he flipped the radio to an internet station, one that played jazz, something that calmed him when the drive was frustrating. It would be after nine before he got out of the city and another hour before he arrived at his first site.

Nick worked through each site, gathering samples, making notes, and taking photographs. While on a site he was focused, running through the checklist, labeling each sample carefully, and making notes describing each sample location. But in the drives between, with music playing and the rumble of the V-8 engine, he thought of Peyton, and in turn, Jason. There were so many similarities he made himself crazy thinking about it. It was worse when he ate alone in some diner or sandwich shop, or worse still, in the hotel room at night. Each night he ended up on the bed staring at the ceiling. His laptop would be open to one of the hook-up sites, men searching for men. And with his photograph posted with his description the hits came, even in the desolate areas he found himself at night, once at a hotel adjacent a truck stop on a four-lane freeway, and another night in a hotel in a small town. There were truckers, farmers, traveling salesmen and others all looking for the companionship of another. Nick looked at some of the hits to his profile but in the end all he saw was Peyton or Jason. He knew he rushed it last week. He had barely met Peyton when he was putting a hand on his knee. It was stupid. And he had berated himself for it. How long had he pursued Jason? Five weeks. Five weeks he got Jason to hang out with him after running into each at the gay bar where no doubt was left about their orientation.

Wednesday afternoon he pulled into the parking lot. The Camaro rumbled with more power than it needed as Nick just let it idle down the parking lot. He went to the back and saw the Tesla sitting in its usual spot and he backed into the space two over as before. He sat for a minute, the car silent and the sun quickly warming the black interior, as he considered his approach toward Peyton. He’d have to go slower, regain his trust, then maybe…

He looked over at the Tesla, took a deep breath and put on his smiley face. The one he put on in front of everyone, the one that reflected his mood most of the time, but this time it’d be a mask concealing how he really felt. He glanced in the mirror, slipped his shades over the sun visor and climbed out, a smile on his face.

ID card in hand ready to slide it through the reader, the door swung open in front of him. Peyton stepped out and to the side to let him enter.

“Hey Nick.”

“Peyton!  Hey. You done for the day?”

“Yes.”

Nick stopped in front of Peyton, trying to work out what to say. He knew there was no way he could say everything bouncing around in his head, but he needed to say something.

“Peyton; I just want to say again I’m sorry for the other…”

“Nick, we discussed it. It’s okay.”

“Okay” Nick replied, “I guess I better get inside. I found a disturbing mess down in Sand Hills. The water actually smelled. Your team will have something to really look at tomorrow.”

“I look forward to testing it” Peyton replied, unsure how to express how much he really did look forward to it. This finding something that needed closer examination. The extra paper trail it entailed, the outline of future studies to find the source. It was a mystery to solve, like a detective on a crime. It was the part of the job he loved. But he also knew to calm himself over it for it was a bad thing to find, and worse, how fruitless their efforts were in trying to stop it with the current attitude of deregulation and uncaring, more concerned with making money than any future sustainability.

But there was something else he was feeling, something else he needed to say. He watched Nick enter the corridor while standing with the door open, nervous about it, but knowing it had to be done.

“Nick, wait a minute.”

A Doorway

Nick bounced into the Cube Farm, smiling more broadly than before. He slapped Richard on the back and gave Teresa a mischievous smile as he strolled past. He sat at his desk and spun around facing Stacy.

“Did I miss anything while I was out?”

“No, but the question is what is up with you?”

“Oh, nothing” Nick replied, knowing it was a lie. A big, bald face lie. One he wasn’t ashamed to make. The conversation at the side door played over and over in his mind. Peyton stepping back inside the building, the door closing behind him. There had been a sense of closure to it. A sense of confinement that had made him anxious at first, but as Peyton stammered and mumbled, at times unable to look at him, the confinement changed in nature, became more of a cocoon, a safe place, away from others.

Peyton had told him he was sorry for jerking away, for he had not expected it. Then the confession of how he wished he hadn’t pulled away. Nick knew it was difficult for Peyton to make such a personal confession, and the implication was not lost on him, no matter how much Peyton skirted around it.

But even with the confession, Nick knew not to push. He told Peyton he was glad to know he had not misunderstood this thing he felt between them, but he had acted too quickly, rashly, and he would give it time. Then he asked Peyton if it would be too soon for them to go for dinner after work on Friday, just the two of them. Peyton had smiled, nodding his head yes.

Swiveling back to his desk, Nick felt the opportunity to have someone back in his life was close. He knew not to get expectations too high. He knew there needed to be dates where they just got to know one another. Those quiet moments between two people where more was learned about each other than any formal dinner date or social engagement. And what about Peyton? How would he view him? Would he be companionable? There were traits the two possessed that were polar opposites and Nick knew, somewhere along the way, there would need to be compromises and provisions made.

Nick had asked around the lab about restaurants, avoiding any mention of them being for an important date. He asked about places to take friends, his parents when they came into town, or places to take clients that were quiet out-of-the-way places. He wanted to know the best restaurants for their menus, the ones with best atmospheres and any trait he could think of, other than the best place for a first date. The lab had such a small staff, one hint as such then discovery he had taken Peyton out and it would be all over the office. He could handle it, but Peyton he was not so sure. Sometimes, someone introverted avoided the attention, much as Jason had back in Tallahassee. It wasn’t the being outed as gay, but the questions about it that he didn’t like. And he wasn’t sure how Peyton would respond, so he was going to play it close to the chest.

Friday afternoon arrived and Peyton packed up and left at his usual time, right at 4 PM, his work completed for the day. The others worked till five, shut down computers, gathered around in the breakroom discussing weekend plans and for three of them, plans to meet at the pub later. Nick begged off one invite, then another, and slipped out of the office. He drove straight home, had a short jog around his neighborhood, and spent the next thirty minutes showering and getting dressed. He slipped on a steel gray shirt and black jeans, colors that looked good against his skin tone and jet-black hair.

It was a short drive to Peyton’s apartment, but it was surprising to Nick how quickly the streetscape changed. The buildings were older, the shops and restaurants less formal, with hand painted signs hanging over metal or fabric awnings of bright colors. There was a vegan café, a coffee shop, two art galleries and a consignment shop with old clothes on display in the storefront. The neighborhood had an alternative vibe, a younger population and lower incomes. The apartment complex was smaller, less floors and obviously twenty years old or older. The buildings seemed scattered around the property, but all faced the curving drive that snaked around it, making a full loop. Peyton’s apartment was at the back, and easily found by the charging station set up in an end space with a familiar Tesla hooked to it.

Peyton came to the door wearing his usual white dress shirt, but he had on black jeans instead of khaki’s, and his hair wasn’t so severely combed back, now allowed to fall loosely over his forehead. When he smiled, Nick knew the evening would go well.

The restaurant was in the Windsor Hills district, located in an old bank building on the corner. With a reservation system, the busy restaurant didn’t have a crowd at the front. Everything about the restaurant spoke to a certain etiquette, a casual decorum that invited the diners inside for more than just the food. A mezzanine ran along the side wall opposite the one with large windows and the colors were muted earth tones of green and pale yellows mixed with the browns natural wood and warm greys. The floors were marble as was the bar with its copper facing below.

The hostess led Nick and Peyton to a table near the back that sat at one of the windows. A candle burned in its center and the hostess pulled the leather chairs out for each of them before handing out the menus.

“This is too much” Peyton whispered after looking over the menu.

“Nope. You promised not to say anything since tonight is on me. When it is your turn, we can do a taco truck or something” Nick replied, smiling over the menu. He saw the shocked look then the smile at the recognition of his joking around. “Seriously, Peyton, I’ve eaten junk food so much this past week, I just want a nice meal at a nice restaurant and the company of someone who…”

Nick hesitated, realizing he was about to say something that might be going too far.

“Good evening. I’m Charles, and I’ll be serving you tonight. Can I get you something to drink to begin?”

“Yes. We’re not sure what we’re going to have for dinner, but can you recommend one of your wines?” Nick replied, formally starting their night.

Nick had been wrong. He knew it wasn’t the first time and wouldn’t be the last. But this one surprised him. He had assumed Peyton would need more time. That he had to take things really slow. Imagine his surprise to be standing in Peyton’s apartment, staring out the sliding door across the small balcony and into the dark woods beyond, waiting on Peyton to come back from the bathroom. He heard the run of water, the door open then Peyton come out of the bedroom.

“You want something to drink? Water?” Peyton asked.

“I’m good, Peyton. Can we just sit and talk?”

“Yes.”

Nick sat on the end of the sofa, near the armchair, the only other seating in the small living area. It gave Peyton options. The armchair with the side table between them, or the sofa but the other end, or he could sit closer, each with a meaning Nick hoped he read correctly. Peyton moved around the sofa near Nick and eased down. He sat bolt upright with hands clasped together in his lap.

“I had a nice time. The restaurant was nice.”

“I’ve enjoyed the evening too” Nick replied, and he had. Listening to Peyton tell his story. Where he was from, growing up knowing he was different and how grade school had been a struggle. But Nick knew Peyton was opening up more than Jason ever had when he told of Ian, how it started with the tutoring, then Ian pushing him till he found himself at Ian’s place all the time. Then Peyton told of Ian’s leaving college and Nick heard the pain of this parting, even after such a long time. How far Peyton was going became clear when he finished telling about his final move to the city and the job in the lab, and how lonely it had been. A loneliness that he buried with his work.

“Nick, you remind me of Ian.”

Nick looked at Peyton. Into the questioning eyes, that couldn’t hold his stare, looking away after a few seconds. He reached over and put his hand on the left knee, gently, allowing Peyton to feel only the weight of it.

“I like that…that I remind you of someone important. Is this okay?”

“Yes” Peyton whispered after a painfully long silence.

Then Peyton surprised Nick, threw him off guard, disrupting his carefully laid plans. Leaning over quickly, Peyton kissed him on the cheek, then sat back straight.

“Was that okay?” Peyton whispered.

Nick smiled, unable to stop himself and he leaned closer, keeping his voice to the same soft whispered tone. “Very much so. Can I kiss you?”

To Be Enamored

For all the hesitancy, the touches and kisses that ended with Peyton pulling back at times, Nick was still surprised to find himself in Peyton’s bedroom. He had thought he should leave a couple of times, but Peyton stopped him, asking him not to leave. He couldn’t say no, not to Peyton. When they had come into the bedroom, events unfolded as they had with Jason. The shyness to get undressed, while he just stripped letting Peyton watch. He let Peyton see his nakedness, see the body concealed by clothing. He didn’t push but encouraged, telling Peyton he liked guys who were not like himself. He wanted someone not obsessed with their body, like he himself was guilty. He wanted different.

Peyton had removed the white shirt, then tugged his t-shirt over his head. It messed up his hair, making him look more boyish, more human without the rigidity of his normal appearance, and Nick fought the urge to approach him. Instead he waited, as Peyton undid the buttons of the black jeans, the front folding open revealing white boxers underneath. He wanted to do it, undress Peyton, but he knew there would be other opportunities. Once Peyton grew to fully trust him, he knew he would be able to peel the clothes off of him, touch the flesh underneath, and pleasure Peyton in ways he was too shy to express a desire.

Another surprise was the body underneath the clothes. Peyton was lean, but not skinny. Not like Jason had been. He looked like one of the runners from college, only slightly soft in the body. And Peyton had already started to respond to him, cock half hard, and growing.

It had been Peyton who reached out first, taking his hand, leading them to the bed. Peyton had been timid at first, slowly touching him, but as his arousal grew, Nick felt an urgency build, the hands moving over him with greater intensity. Fingers dug into his flesh and muscle. Probed over the curves of his body, down between his ass cheeks and between them where they circled his erection stroking him to greater arousal.

Nick pushed Peyton onto his back and crawled down between his legs. He eased his hands up each leg, fingers grazing the skin. It tickled them, the way the soft hairs raked over them. Leaning forward, he kissed the skin just to the right of Peyton’s cock, taking his time, building up to the moment when he took it. He kissed the skin again, then ran his tongue over the loose sac feeling each nut shift around with his ministrations. Peyton’s hands grabbed at the bed and tightened into fists. He dragged his tongue over the sac moving up till dragging it along the cock. The shaft thickened, became rock hard, but the skin was smooth under his tongue.

Nick swirled his tongue over the head, making Peyton moan. He held the cock up and bore it into the slit and Peyton cried out. He took the head in his mouth and sucked, hard, feeling the soft spongy head swell in his mouth, then he plunged down, taking as much of it as he could. Up and down, at times fast, at others so slow and gentle he was aware of the cock’s shape, every curve and the flare of the head. He sucked Peyton till hands touched his head, fingers combed through his hair, then tightened around his head and he let Peyton control him, hold his head while pumping cock through his lips.

“OH, Nick…Nick…” Peyton exclaimed, and Nick’s mouth flooded with cum.

Nick drew out every drop, then held the cock in his mouth, tongue working slowly over the head. It stayed hard, as he hoped. He let it slip from his mouth and stroked it, the wet slick shaft gliding through his hand.

“I want you inside me” Nick whispered as he moved up, straddled Peyton, rocking his ass over the hard cock. He felt hard cock slide against him. It stroked his lust, his desire for Peyton. He wanted to feel Peyton inside him.

Raising over the cock, he held it to his ass as he watched Peyton’s expression. The glazed look in the eyes, mouth open slightly while breathing heavily. Peyton’s eyes were on his cock, watching him push down on it, then the tight squeeze as it breached his tight hole.

“Fuck” Nick uttered as he sat all the way down.

Peyton’s hands gripped each thigh, fingers digging into the muscle, and Nick knew he could feel the muscles flexing with his movement. The slow upward move till Peyton’s cock nearly slipped free, then the slow descent, his tightness struggling to let Peyton slip through. Over and over, Nick repeated the slow move till he loosened to Peyton and felt him slide easily through his opening.

“OH…yeah, that’s nice” Nick uttered as he began to move faster.

Peyton tried to lay still, let Nick set the pace, but it felt too good, and it had been too long since he had lain with another. He felt breathless, and every move on his cock sent shivers up his spine. He pushed upward as Nick dropped down till their bodies smacked together. He wanted to hold back but couldn’t and Nick seemed to want it too. Nick grew louder, rougher in his movements, till the bed rocked in rhythm with their fuck. It made him want it more. His normal instinct of wanting to control things fell away and he wanted Nick to keep going, to ride his cock till he couldn’t take it. He thrust upward over and over, hips smacking against Nick’s ass.

Cum spattered Peyton in the face. It rained down on his chest then dripped down on his stomach. The smell familiar, that scent of man’s sex, hit his nose and he raised up, bear hugged Nick as he came, cock spurting into Nick’s depths. Nick rocked slowly in his arms till he couldn’t take the manipulation and he pushed Nick over on his back, freeing his sensitive cock.

“Please…I can’t take any more.”

Nick lay on his back, still breathing hard, and let Peyton snuggle up next to him. An arm across the chest, and a leg slipped between his own and the undulating stomach against his side. The warm body against him threatened to bring him back to an aroused state. Peyton’s head rested against his shoulder and he felt the warm exhales against his skin. He lay his arm down the naked torso. Warm, the skin soft, as he let it drape along its curvature.

“Peyton?”

“Yes?”

“That was nice. Was it nice for you?”

“Yes, Nick” came the soft whispered reply and the arm over Nick’s chest tightened.

“Can I stay till morning, or do you want me to leave?”

“Stay…please stay.”

It was the middle of the night, neither aware of the time, but Nick stirred first, ran a hand down Peyton’s chest till fingers combed through pubic hair then held the half hard cock. He toyed with it without forethought, just the desire to touch Peyton driving his half-conscious mind. Peyton stirred, shifted positions then took ahold of his wrist.

“Will you do me?” Peyton whispered reaching for Nick’s cock.

Soon both were hard, hands wet with their aroused states. Nick moved between Peyton’s legs, slipped his arms underneath the knees and brought them upward, then pushed back. He folded Peyton over, till ass lifted off the bed and angled toward his cock. He shifted forward till he was touching Peyton, the wet head sliding up and down the crevice that was spread open to him.

“You want me?” Nick asked and the hands griping his thighs tightened.

“Yes.”

Nick pushed, gently stretching Peyton open. Cock head squeezed through the tight opening, then inch after inch of shaft squeezed through. Peyton shuddered with the penetration, crying out at first then begging Nick to go further in soft whispers.

Moving over Peyton, Nick let the legs on his arms slip up to his shoulders. Leaning over, the legs pressed against his chest and the contact was warm, almost ticklish, and he loved the feel of them moving against him. He worked his hips, pulling outward, then pushing back in, making his cock piston inside Peyton’s depths. He ground his abdomen against the upturned ass and kissed the long neck, exposed with Peyton’s head thrown back. He fucked slowly, savoring the feel of being inside Peyton. It was a pleasure he thought would be some time coming. He didn’t expect it on their first night. It pleased him, physically, and emotionally, this trust developing between them. Hands moved up his sides then hugged their bodies together as he moved to kiss Peyton.

Nick felt the hard cock between them, the way it pushed into his stomach as he ground his own inside Peyton’s depths. He liked the feel of it. Another man’s body. The physical aspects of it. He liked the way it could fuck him, as before, giving as good as it gets. He pushed inward deeply hearing a soft moan. He pressed against the upturned ass and tried to push even deeper. The cock pushing against stomach flexed, then ejaculated wad after wad between them. He worked his hips, undulating against it, feeling the cum spread out between them. He pulled outward with his hips then pushed back in filling Peyton’s hole with his load.

The morning light haloed the curtains, bouncing around them making the room glow. Nick threw back the blanket and stretched his arms out then up pushing against the headboard. He sat up looking around the small bedroom. A chest of drawers, a simple straight back chair in the corner and small nightstands either side of the bed. Peyton was not in the room and he wondered where in the small apartment he might be. Listening carefully, he heard water running and couldn’t hold back a smile.

The bathroom door was pushed to, but not latched. Nick eased it open and stepped inside. Steam roiled over the top of the clear shower curtain. Its interior surface covered in water droplets and suds cascading down. He pulled the curtain back enough to lean his head into the shower.

“Hey, you beat me up?”

It was an innocent comment, one to see how Peyton would react. Nick watched him turn, shampoo in his hair, and smile.

“Good morning, Nick.”

“Can I…” asked Nick motioning with his head he wanted to get in the shower.

The smile broadened, and a hand reached out, pulling the shower curtain back.

“Yes. You can wash my back.”

The innocence of the reply, avoiding what both knew they really wanted, endeared Nick to Peyton even more. He picked up the soap, rolled it around in his hands as he moved up behind him while facing the shower with head held down. He ran his hands over the shoulders, around the back of the neck then down the back, following the spine, feeling the vertebra. Peyton moved back slightly, closing the distance between them, and Nick wrapped arms around the narrow waist hugging their bodies together. He pushed his nose into the wet hair above the neck while pushing his thickening cock into the crevice between ass cheeks. There was an increase of pressure as Peyton pushed back with his hips and Nick’s cock became hard.

“Put it in me” came a soft whisper, barely audible over the sound of the spray of water.

Nick kissed the back of the neck as he became more aroused with the feel of ass pressing against him. Soon rock hard, he had to hold his cock down to align with Peyton’s hole. He pushed against it till squeezing through the tightness. He eased each inch into Peyton till once again, his abdomen was tight against ass cheeks. Peyton’s body shivered with the penetration and a soft cry escaped from his lips as he bent over slightly. He wanted this fuck.

Peyton didn’t realize how much he missed the companionship of another till last night, and now he didn’t want it to end. He reached back and put his hands on Nick’s waist and dug his fingers into the flesh.

“Nick…”

Nick knew what he wanted, could feel the way the hands seemed to guide him to move. He pulled back then pushed inward, over and over, till they were fucking. The primitive rhythm of two bodies working together. Nick couldn’t believe how aroused he had become. The feel of his cock sliding through a tightness that milked it till he couldn’t move his hips fast enough. Their cries and moans grew louder, echoing in the small bathroom.

Too soon, far too soon, Nick felt the surge of release. His pace increased, his thrusts shortened till his abdomen bounced off Peyton’s ass, the sound of flesh smacking against flesh loud in the shower. Then he came. Jammed into Peyton’s depths, he felt each ejaculation, as he emptied himself out till spent.

The blanket was pushed off the foot of the bed, and towels draped over the door and across the chair. On the bed, Nick lay on his back with his legs against Peyton’s chest. He took the thrusts inward, as cock sank into his depths. Peyton was deliberate in every push, sinking inward till his abdomen smacked against Nick’s ass. The bed began to rock then squeak in the same rhythm.

“Fuck me. Fuck me, Peyton.”

And Peyton fucked harder. The bed rocked till hitting the wall. His breathing grew labored and he clung to the legs against his chest. But Nick saw how Peyton’s eyes stayed open, watching him. Watching how he reacted, how he struggled not to get more vocal. He closed his eyes and threw his head back as he stroked his own cock, already leaking again with his arousal. He hadn’t been this driven in a long time.

Nick didn’t know how, couldn’t believe he was ready for release again, so soon after their fuck in the shower. He felt his body stiffen, then shudder as cum surged through his cock and sprayed his stomach. His hand became slick with it as he kept on stroking. Peyton’s cock piston through the spasming of his opening, driving him to the point of exhaustion. He couldn’t take much more.

Peyton thrust hard, jammed his abdomen up against Nick’s ass.

“OH…Nick…”

Nick felt the way Peyton shuddered against him, felt the abdomen jam against his ass, knowing each time he took another wad.

It was a small family owned restaurant located in an old house in the Oak Hill neighborhood. The wrap around porch had tables lining its railing except at the area of entry and in the corner where the porch swung out in a curved form, sat Nick and Peyton. There were empty plates before them from a large brunch and newly filled glasses. There was a constant noise of passing traffic, the sound of conversations on the sidewalk and under the porch, but neither of them noticed. They were talking quietly amongst themselves. It was the kind of small talk that made them laugh softly and smile knowingly at each other. Nick felt like he had managed the impossible and he watched how Peyton smiled, how he held out a hand, moving it around as he spoke. Far more animated than he had ever seen Jason.

When Nick finally pulled back into the parking lot at Peyton’s place it was after two o’clock. He pulled up to the sidewalk that lead to Peyton’s apartment and stopped.

“I’m going to head back to my place. I need to do laundry and run to the grocery store” said Nick.

“I need to do the same” Peyton replied.

“Why don’t you come over tonight to my place. I can cook and we can watch a movie or something.”

“I’d like that.”

“Come over around seven. I’ll text you my address.”

“I’ll see you at seven and Nick…”

“Yes?”

“I…”

“Me too.”

Six Months Later.

The Camaro followed the Tesla into the parking lot on Monday morning, something it did every Monday for the last few months. The Tesla backed into the last space and two over, the Camaro did the same. Nick and Peyton walked in together, Nick swiping his ID in the reader then holding the door open for Peyton. In the back corridor he followed Peyton to the door of the lab, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek before Peyton unlocked the door.

It was their routine now, weekends spent together. Nick at Peyton’s apartment, or Peyton at his. It didn’t matter to them where they holed up over the weekends. During the week they spent some nights separate, something Peyton wanted at times, but more often, than not, they fell into sleep snuggled against each other. Their co-workers figured it out within the first month. At first it was just office gossip no one really believed, but each Monday there was something between the two of them, and on Fridays, either both came out to socialize or both begged off, having other plans.