Top #Selfies of the Week: Sooooo Suckable Top #Selfies of the Week: Sooooo Suckable

Some cocks are extra suckable. They just make you want to drop to your knees and do your best impression of a vacuum cleaner. Like some horny door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman. Now what would that product demo be like?

I mean do door-to-door salesmen even still exist? I know there are scammers pretending to sell stuff but who are really casing a place out for a robbery. And there are religious folks selling salvation. But I never have the budget for salvation. It's like a dollar and I would rather get a couple of bananas. Salvation just doesn't have the nutrition of a banana.

But I do remember an actual door-to-door Electrolux salesman stopping by one day. He spilled stuff on the carpet and sucked it up. It was as exciting and reassuring as a pancake dinner. But he was nowhere near as sexy as the Greenpeace activist who stopped by another day. He was either for or against whaling. I was too busy looking at his earnest, collegiate face.

So if there were an actual horny door-to-door salesman, I wonder what the etiquette would be. I assume to get dick (even horny, needy dick), you'd have to buy the actual product. So you might end up with a gut full of cum and a bookshelf full of encyclopedias. But ideally, you'd get sloppily facefucked and oh so conveniently buy the wet vac the guy was selling. Perfect for sloppy sex on shag carpeting.

I do wish I knew how suckable a guy was while he was fully clothed. Some sort of X-ray rating system that would make some glowing digital marker hover over his head. Like the lights that let you know a grocery checkout line is open.

The shortcut here would be for me to become a door-to-door salesmen selling myself. I'd still need some fake product to start the seduction. Hope. Yeah, hope is totally fake. I'll sell hope. And I'll intentionally forget to zip up and wear underwear. That ought to help.

News flash: depraved, greedy cocksucking goes down at TIM Suck. Not a lot of encyclopedia selling there. But lots of vacuuming. And cumming.

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