Top #Selfies of the Week: Mmmmmm

With food, mmmmmmm is what you say after you eat it. With guys, it's what you say before you partake, or to tackily hit on a guy with the goal of making him creeped out and uncomfortable. Isn't that everyone's goal? Straight guys may want head but they tend not to want to be hit on when they're not in total control. But it's the male gaze. And straight guys need to deal with it.

If you're at a gym and see a guy with headphones in but you're wanting to hit on him, consider that he may be wearing the headphones because he doesn't want to be bothered. I heard a couple of physically desirable straight guys at the gym comparing notes on strategies and the headphones with no music playing thing was the preferred method.

Which proves two things: straight guys don't like to listen to music and they don't like aggressive male sexual attention.

So make sure to motion for the guy to take his headphones off then say "mmmm mmm mmm" like he's a piece of pie. If he quits the gym, good. That'll improve your odds for next time.

Okay, I'm done straight bashing. Though keep in mind, it's not like my bitchy comments are denying employment to anyone due to them being straight. If I could do that, then I would outlaw heterosexual Presidential candidates. Not sure who that would leave us with. Unfortunately, my plan may backfire and result in President [fill in blank with closet case Republican here because there are so many to choose from].

If you're looking for less tacky ways to hit on someone, try "can I rub my cock on your pecs?" or "you have great cock-rubbing pecs" or "your pecs are made for my cock to rub" or I can't think of anything less tacky than that.

The least tacky thing to do is just to ignore all men sexually. Yeah, good luck with that.