Top #Selifes of the Week: Malfunctioning Gaydar

Hey, I can't if these guys or gay or not. Hopefully neither can they. So it doesn't even get to that "any port in a storm" phase in which they know I'm not a woman but want me anyway because their balls are sinking and they just have to blow a load or whatever sexual metaphor applies. Nope, they just don't even know if they are gay or straight.

So in that case, they may accidentally be totally into me, male body and all, without ever questioning their identity. May even get full-on married. May even be super gay and cheat on me with another guy. Dare to dream!

If eventually one realizes he's straight, he may forget again a few seconds later. Or I can just confuse the situation by mocking up a fake newspaper article that "Straight Guys Like Men Now. Yes, In That Way."

So between him not knowing if he's gay or straight and him then not being sure if straight men are into guys or not, he'll be mine!

Or more realistically, it's just me who doesn't know if each of these guys is gay or nor. Because my gaydar is shot to hell. The only way to be sure a guy has at least some male to male sexual desire in his makeup is if he's violently homophobic. Because studies have shown their is a correlation between greater levels of homophobia among males to greater levels of same sex desire within males.

Which is totally not what I call gay. Because gay is being able to fall in love with a man. Not only sexual desire. In my, and Christoper Isherwood's, sound opinion.

Though I haven't been in love in awhile, so maybe my gay card will be revoked and I'll just be a lowly homosexual. Still better than the alternatives. At least I know who I am even if I really don't have gaydar anymore. No hitting on hot guys at department stores anymore. I might get my ass kicked in the dress shoe section. Or get flogged by a silk necktie. Or a vacuum cleaner.

Kinky, huh.

Okay, now I've got to go trolling on Craigslist to find some confused guys who can at least pretend they're not sure if they want dick or not. Maybe I can help them decide?