Top #Selfies of the Week: Total Selfie Madness

It's selfie madness I'm telling you! My gut tells me one of these selfies is the hundred millionth naked guy selfie taken on the planet. Either that or the billionth. Yeah, I'm going with billionth. Because guys are like that. One is never enough.

It's not like being the millionth customer at a grocery store though, when confetti flies and you win some sort of shopping spree. Not only because those kinds of contests went out with the '80s, but also because if a guy snapped a selfie in the privacy of his own home (whether or not he intended to share it with others), he'd still totally freak out if a confetti explosion happened in his bathroom.

Because the only kind of confetti explosion that should happen in your bathroom is after you get fucked by a clown.

And by the way, the hankie code for clown fucking is similar to that for magician fucking, a bunch of hankies all tied together into one unending gay semiotic.

Selfies are the ultimate combination of privacy and showing off. It's like Monica Lewinsky's handbag line. She's famous because of that thing that happened which we should all move on from but is showing off her handbags due to her infamy. I full on love her though, breaking the stereotype that Jewish women don't like to give head.

So do you have room in your sex brain for more selfies, because while you were reading this, about 12,014 were taken. That's a lot of dick. 12,099. And counting.