Top #Selfies of the Week: Total Dicks

So many guys are total dicks and here's proof. Look at their dicks and understand that's all they are to you. No doing the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle in bed. No asking how your day was. No spotting you at the gym, even if your bench press is about to go horribly wrong. Nope, they're just dicks. Literally and figuratively.

May as well accept it. Romance is dead. Unless you find gonads romantic. But at least you won't expect a Valentine's card from a dick. Unless he was in a pinch, needed a cum rag and was in the Valentine's card aisle. Because most stores (the classy ones anyhow) have a "you cum on it, you buy it" rule.

When it comes to male humans, setting expectations super low is a gift you can give yourself. And once you accept that guys are dicks, then you'll want to get yourself the biggest dick out there. And it may as well be attached to an arrogant guy to match.

And I don't mean straight guys. They don't have a horse in this race. They're more mellow than gay guys nowadays. I mean true gay dicks. Greedy, hard dicks. Dicks that just don't care. Where it's no strings attached sex but you know from the beginning, where they say hello with their dicks.

So say hello back. You speak dick, don't you? If not, I know an immersion program that can teach you what you need to know. Such as "Lesson 1: Why Three Syllables Is Two Syllables Too Many" and "Lesson 2: Take All Dick Now". Good luck with your studies!

Now that you've seen some total dicks, here's some total dicking. Make that total big dicking.