Top #Selfies of the Week: The Big D

Oh no, it's the big D coming to get you! That's right, Diet Coke is here and it means business. That or Dee Wallace Stone, the mom from E.T. Or the more viable threat, Dee Snyder from pop heavy metal hair band Twisted SIster. 

To be honest, I'm talking about dick. Big dick. Big, big dick. So feel free to shop with your eyes. Not that any of this dick has a price tag. Which is good, because even if it did, it's not like I have big dick money. I have to use that to do my laundry.

But wow, what would it be like to be able to buy love and affection and sexual attention? If I knew any politicians, I'd ask them. 

Time to do a sexual exercise (in addition to jacking off). What shape would you make with your mouth for each of these dicks? Vertical letter O? Horizontal letter O? Total circle? Confusing trapezoid? Probably not the last one. Trapezoid shaped dicks are very 1997. And you thought geometry wouldn't come in handy. 

Now to bring up a sure to be controversial topic. As far as still pics go, big semi-hard dicks or not as big fully-hard dicks?I'm going for big semi-hard dicks. They stimulate my imagination. And salivary glands.

And then my tears if I'm doing it right. Good tears though. Like when your eyes tear up when you're biking on a cold day. Or when your eyes tear up when you're sucking big dick with perfect effort while riding your bike on a cold day.

Wearing a helmet of course. Safety first.

By the way, it's still a selfie if a guy takes a pic of his dick while it happens to be adjacent to another guy. Maybe there's a word for that? Double selfie? Group selfie? Dick and ass selfie? Or perhaps the "Stop taking pictures and fuck me now, dammit!" selfie?