A selfie crisis is facing America and I am here to solve it. I am the one candidate who can keep the pipeline of selfies full and stuffed with penises, including hard penises, precumming penises, thick penises, uncut penises, as well as other penises. I hope I can count of your vote so we don't face an unbrave new world that lacks selfies.
I'm an awesome politician, and I can't be blackmailed due to it being discovered I have porno on my computer. My computer is designed to hold and display porno. What model is it? It's a computer that's what. Model doesn't matter. Computers are for porn. Porn and recipes.
So guess what, I'm not really a politician. I've been treasurer of a couple of school clubs, but that's it. So why can't the U.S. pick the President in as short a time as it took Canada? No, I've got to hear Iowa Caucus results piping in from the apartment above me because they don't respect my need to just totally not think about politics for 5 seconds. That and I was too lazy to put on music. Thankfully, I have the ultimate escape and now you do too. Big cock selfies!
Though I still encourage you to vote when it counts. Of course. The powers that be need to hear the lgbtqiaa powers that be speak up. "What do we want? Big cock selfies! When do we want it? On our faces!"
I mean "Now!"
I may need to work on my chants.
I guess we're not actually facing a selfie crisis, but still I'm doing what politicians (and Home Shopping Network does) when trying to move product. Invent a problem then miraculously have the solution packaged and at the ready. Before you vote (or buy) or whatever consumption means, decide what your needs actually are. That's why I really love being a part of GayDemon. We review sites for you, totally objectively. That is a rare and awesome thing that you should totally take advantage of. So you know you're getting the best bang for your buck. Or, if you're into such things, the best gang bang for your buck.
In conclusion, I'm voting the Porn/Porn ticket in 2016. If for some reason Porn can't continue as President, Porn can take over.