Top #Selfies of the Week: Dreamboats in the Mirror

Have you heard of a selfie stick? No, that's not another word for penis. We already have 685 words for penis. We're all set with that. It's a stick with a holder for a phone that lets you trigger the camera. Back in the olden days, folks triggered their film cameras with a button (or squeeze ball) at the end of a cord. This is basically the same thing but electronic and I'm hoping some exhibitionist studs beta test them and I can see the results.

Maybe we'll get some crazy new selfie angles? Or maybe there's some guys whose dicks are just too damn big for a regular selfie and they need the camera much further away to even fit their massive logs in frame. I know there is zero logic to that (as well as zero logic to the whole stupid invention) but work with me here. I'm unilaterally for any technologies that take selfies to the next level.

Now there are some 3D cell phone cameras out there but that won't help the cause without screens that can view the results. And if the 3D is too good, you might end up with an actual dick in your face versus just a picture of a dick. And what kind of freak wants an actual dick in his face? I can't imagine.

Can Stephen Hawking stop focusing on black holes and start focusing on assholes?

I want the great minds to focus on sexual technologies. Hell, bring Einstein and Marie Curie back from the dead and I'm sure they'll discover new ways to combine technology and penis. Assuming we could tear them away from quantum mechanics and nanochemistry, or whatever the fuck they were geniuses at.

At minimum, these selfies could be used to teach adult gay men who are really bad at math all about the numbers seven and eight. On further inspection, it's possible one of the pics could be a learning device about the number nine, or maybe nine and a half. Ouch.

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